Converse

Most people are familiar with Nike, the Greek Goddess of Victory, but few are familiar with her little brother, Converse, the Greek God of Expensive Shoes That Don’t Make You Any Faster, Stronger, Or Athletic.
And yet, so many still worship at his temples, and sacrifice large wads of cash in his name.
Oh, hear the ring of the cash register altars!
Oh, revel in the klaxon of the security alarm pillars, warning of another shoplifter!
Oh, pity the screaming child who wants Air Jordans, but has to settle for these canvas pieces of crap!
The minimum-wage mall priests sigh.

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