The God of Earth

The God of Earth does not fuck around with Hallmark Cards.
When the God of Earth is happy, he laughs and causes the earthquakes.
When the God of Earth is angry, he explodes lava from the volcanoes.
When the God of Earth is hungry, he opens up sinkholes and swallows whole villages.
When the God of Earth is confused, he rains down rocks in avalanches.
When the God of Earth wants to wish you a happy birthday, he usually plans a surprise party.
With earthquakes. And volcanoes. And sinkholes. And avalanches.
Oh, and clowns. Lots of clowns.
Poor, frightened clowns.