Bury your problems

Ted isn’t a good administrator, but it’s so hard to fire people from this state-run research hospital.
Also, he’s the nephew of one of the boardmembers. He’s not going anywhere.
Especially after we lured him into the new South wing of the hospital that’s under construction.
We tied him up and immersed him in fresh concrete.
Smoothing out the slab to make sure there’s no sign of Ted was a challenge, but not as much as making it look like he took a trip out of town and simply vanished.
His phone started ringing, but thankfully, the battery died quickly.

Thanksgiving Feast

It took a long time for Trina to recover from the attack.
After years of therapy, she got over her fear of homeless people.
Now, she was filled with searing hatred for them, and what they did to her.
At first, she’d dress up as a nun and hand out poisoned sandwiches to beggars.
But they wanted money, So, she handed out counterfeit money.
She made big plans for the city’s charity Thanksgiving feast.
Forty-three jugs of tainted gravy.
Thousands of people died. It was like Jonestown.
Trina went from body to body, offering prayers, and trying not to grin.

Wall Street

Ever been in a water balloon fight?
Buy a bag of balloons, fill them with water, fill up a pillowcase, and start throwing them at everyone else?
It’s fun. And a great way to keep cool in the summer.
But not fun on the bus. Or the subway. Or on a plane.
Still, I buy the balloons, and fill them up.
But I fill them with urine.
I get on the Lexington Avenue line, and wait for the train to fill up with suits.
“Next stop, Wall Street,” the voice announces.
I reach into my pillowcase, grin, and begin throwing.

Shooting spree

It’s not every day you see a unicorn. They’re an endangered species.
Just my luck, I’m looking at one through my rifle scope.
It’s standing between me and the deer I’ve been tracking.
It knows it’s in my way. It’s doing this to piss me off.
It’s taunting me. Daring me to shoot.
I unchambered the round and lowered my rifle.
Bastard.
That’s then the unicorn charged.
I tried to raise my rifle and fire at the beast, but the son of a bitch gored me and threw me into the thicket.
No wonder why these nasty fuckers are endangered.

Shopping spree

To prove how easy it is to get an assault rifle, reporters have been going to gun shops and purchasing AR-15s and ammunition.
The problem is, what do the reporters do with these rifles after they buy them?
Some turn them back in to the gun store for a refund. For others to buy.
Some turn them in to the police, who auction them off.
Some leave the gun in their closet. No child safety lock or gun safe.
So, their kids might come across the gun and… shoot themselves? Shoot others?
More proof how dangerous guns are, of course!

Weekly Challenge #656 – Flower

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

This is the Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

We’ve got stories by:

Tinny grooms Myst

LIZZIE

To my grandmother who loved daisies

Winter is coming, they say. The flowers will go to sleep.
But these daisies flourished on. They never gave up.
The rain flooded the flower pots. The snow stifled everything cold. And they still managed to bloom.
He plucked a few and placed them in a beautiful jar. They collapsed that same day.
It was strange but also somehow comforting.
Eric felt his grandmother had something to do with this because she loved daisies.
He sneered. “Yes, Granny is watching from heaven and all that.”
Heaven was a strange concept for him. But then again, resilient daisies were that too.

RICHARD

Jacked off

The day that Jack exchanged the cow for a bag of ‘magic’ beans was not one he’d look back on with any pleasure.

His mother was unimpressed and flung them out of the window, whilst Jack hid away in his room and hoped she’d forgive him.

Turns out the beans weren’t beans at all, but flower seeds, and the next morning the garden was full of gigantic sweet peas.

He picked a bunch for his mum to placate her.

It didn’t make her any happier though – she didn’t have a vase anywhere near large enough to display them in.

SERENDIPITY

It starts, almost imperceptibly; a tingling, pricking, stinging sensation that slowly grows and spreads.

Over time, the pain begins to blossom and grow, like a flower unfurling its petals reaching out towards the light. Tendrils enveloping your vitals, spreading throughout your body.

The pain fills every fibre of your being; poisoning you, destroying you – both body and mind.

Then, in the fullness of time, when the time is ripe, I burst forth from the husk of your body… An explosion of blood and gore.

My spores, flying through the fetid air, seek out new hosts to make their home.

TOM

A Dash of Panache

As I noted last week I began my forays into courtship in the last 60s and by way of the timing of said wooing had little to go on except the practices of the two decades before. Theirs humble epochs were informed by the machinations proposed by the film of that time. A care taken to impression a celluloid female was to produce from behind ones back a gathering of flowers. The choice of roses a premium, thus a more excellent level of the heart. The wrinkle I add to this was to give half the bouquet to the mother.

JON

Katheryn Hepburn

By

Jon DeCles

The Corpse Flower produces the largest unbranched inflorescence of any plant in the world. It blooms rarely and people travel long distances to see it, and inhale the pungent odor of decaying meat. Its dark burgundy color looks like meat, and it raises it temperature to 98 F. to further imitate the preferred diet of the carnivorous insects that come seeking a meal and leave disappointed: but covered with the pollen that ensures the survival of the species.

If you have a greenhouse and you are tired of saying “Oh Look, the Calla Lilies are in bloom,” try growing it.

Winner

By

Jon DeCles

Winning was going to be a combination of grinding, tedious patience coupled with a downright rustic simplicity, a mindset that would allow him to plow through the confusing maze of rules and exceptions to the rules that would have done justice to the devious mind of a writer for the Infernal Revenue Service. But Arthur wanted to be a winner: he wanted to be the only winner, the winner who gained all of the prize.

He looked at the perverse architecture of the pagoda, with its tentacle-faced idol set up in warning, and walked toward the entrance to the crypt.

NORVAL JOE

Linoliumanda’s father put his fists on his hips and waited for an answer.
She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “We’ve been kissing, Dad.”
Billbert was considering what kind of flowers he would like at his funeral when her father opened his mouth, waggled his finger in the air, and then turned, descending the stairs. “It’s getting late.”
Billbert looked at the door. “I’d better go.”
Before he could, Linoliumanda grabbed him and kissed him again for a long time.
She took his hand and walked him out. “This was my best birthday ever. Thanks for everything.”

TURA

Flower
———
Plant breeders spent centuries trying to produce a blue rose. Nowadays, it’s a day’s work in the lab. Glow-in-the-dark harebells. Fluorescent pink lupins. I’ve designed pond lillies with leaf veining like fractal Tibetan mandalas — very popular with wealthy Japanese businessmen for their private Zen gardens. My latest creation is tartan roses. I designed software to model flower development, and used AI to design a genetic network, exploring millions of years of evolution in a few months.

Some people protest. They chant, “Roses are red! Violets are blue! God made them that way and so should you!”

PLANET Z

Ted wore a trick flower in his lapel.
He loved to invite people to sniff his flower, and he’d squeeze the bulb hidden in his hand to squirt them with water.
At first, people laughed. But after a while, the joke got old, and nobody laughed. A few got really mad.
Finally, one guy picked up Ted and threw him down the stairs.
Ted suffered massive brain damage and languished in a coma for months before he died.
It was an open casket funeral, and some people thought it would finally be safe to sniff Ted’s flower.
It didn’t squirt.

je suis assholes

Every time there’s a tragedy or terrorism or bombing.
Or worse.
We are all…
Parisians.
New Yorkers.
Barcelonans.
Orlando.
Charlie.
We change our Facebook and Twitter icons.
We post our hashtags.
Je Suis… what is it today?
Except, not always.
There’s one exception:
Israel.
Oh, it’s not Anti-Semitism, it’s Anti-Zionism.
How dare you accuse me of that, you filthy Jew?
Go back to where you came from.
Well, we did. And they want to kill us there, too.
Fifty-seven hundred years, we’ve watched empires rise and fall.
We’ll watch yours rot and crumble, too, as the next takes its place.

Bloody symphony

The blood wasn’t even dry when the investigators went into the club.
Counting the bodies and bullets and shell casings.
Measuring this, photographing that.
Puling out wallets, looking in purses. Identifying the dead so others could tell their families.
The ones who were calling over and over.
The cell phones rang. So many of them.
A mad symphony surrounded the investigators.
One had a gunfire ringtone.
They set that phone to vibrate.
It fell off of the evidence table.
And it danced on the floor, skittering around in a circle.
Over and over.
As its brothers and sisters played on.

Body paint

They say that watching paint dry is boring, but have you ever done bodypaint?
That’s not boring to watch, although you’re not really watching the paint dry.
You’re looking at the body.
The best bodypainting doesn’t look naked at all, but you still sense that something’s unusual about it.
And then you see it. And you can’t unsee it.
That person is naked, and what you thought were clothes are actually painted on.
Or stripes. Or some other pattern.
That’s a powerful magic, really.
And here we are, you and me.
And some paint and a brush.
Who goes first?

Orlando

The blood wasn’t dry in Orlando before the agendas came out.
Talking points, for every color in the political spectrum.
Gun control, immigration, gay rights, terrorism…
Accusations without solutions, calls for togetherness and understanding that end up just polarizing people even more.
I’d say that pointing fingers is more dangerous than pointing guns, but a pointed finger never gets anybody killed.
Unless its to point out more people to hate. And shoot.
Oh, is the blood dry yet?
Hey, can you take a photo of me?
It’s this button here. It’ll focus automatically.
Take a few, in case I blink.