The Socks

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After years of blisters and other problems with my feet, I changed from ordinary cotton socks to special space-aged wicking socks.
They draw moisture away from the feet while providing extra padding.
Don’t ask me how they work. All I know is that they work.
No blisters since.
However, you’ve got to be careful with them. Going to sleep with a pair on will suck some water out of your body.
Going to sleep with 14 pairs of them on your feet and hands will leave you a desiccated husk.
So, any other questions about the mummies in this exhibit?

Lazarus

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Tradition says that the priests pondered putting Lazarus to death because of the miracle which returned him to life, but other stories tell of him living out his life as a bishop in Cyprus.
Neither of the tombs in Bethany or Cyprus are his.
He is nothing more than an ancient blind husk, curled up into himself on the seabed, unable to drown.
Every so often, he snatches a fish to chew on with empty jaws.
As do many, he waits for Christ’s return, but not for salvation.
Yearning for release, the rest of death denied him for so long.

Weekly Challenge #216 – Good Lord, That’s Not Pie! and Motion

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Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Sixteen, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was… was…. um…
It’s Good Lord, That’s Not Pie! and Motion!
VOTING

Which were the best stories this week?
Zachmann
TJ
Brad
Steven
Jeffrey
Justin
Norval Joe
Planet Z
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):


Zachmann

Kevin, a pure hearted and naive young man, went to an Inn that was famous for its great food. Although Kevin had not been told it was also famous for being a brothel. Kevin had received his food and when his waitress walked away he noticed she looked walked like art in motion. Kevin was pure of heart but still a man. The waitress asked Kevin if he wanted to join here in another room for desert which he thought an odd custom. She closed the door behind them. Soon you could hear Kevin say Good Lord, that’s not pie.
zackmann

TJ

Myrna, God bless her, has not held up well. A stroke at 70 and a second at 83 had no effect on her passion for baking but left her judgment seriously impaired. Her contributions to the church social had dipped from “ooh!” to “eww.” Her latest efforts … well, the pale top crust suggested to Sylvia that Myrna had forgotten to turn her oven on. But there was .. motion, and then one, then two waving antennae peeking through … “Good Lord,” Sylvia crossed herself. “That’s … not pie …” as Myrna burbled “Who wants to try my cricket pie?”

Brad

She was a grand ship, a three master and being a son of a son of a sailor I was ready for the adventure. I was up in the rigging as she went out into the bay. Is one of those moments I won’t forget. Fair skies and steady wind.
So, ummm what ye doin here?
Storm hit us outside the bay. Found out I have motion sickness.
Least ye is able to serve up some grub.
I guess. So did you save room for dessert?
Aye, give me the house special.
Here ya go.
Good Lord, that’s not pie.

Stephen

“I’m tired of only getting the scraps and leavings of your affection.”
She threw his dessert on the table hard enough for the saucer to
ring.
He looked up from his laptop, brow furrowed. “That’s not pie. What is that?”
“Leftovers,” she said. “It’s symbolic.”
“Feh.” He pushed the plate away, turning back to his computer.
She blurred into motion, knocking him and the laptop to the ground,
dinner’s steak knife dripping with A1 at his throat.
“You’ve been starving me of affection,” she said. The knife pressed
into his skin. “And I’m hungry.”
He didn’t feel the first bite.

Jeffrey

It was a rather grim scene but I knew there was nothing to it but to dive in.
“Alright, Bubbles what happened?”
“Binky’s hand was in motion before we could stop him, before we knew it, it was sailing though the air. Then everything slowed down, it was like slow motion. There was nothing we could do about it, but watch. It was not until it was half way there that we realized there had been a mistake. Good lord that’s not pie, I had screamed.”
She stared at the brick on the floor next to the deceased Mr. Beezo.

Justin

Doctor Despicable gazed into the cavern. He’d heard from a fellow villain there was a cache of pies inside. The swirling shadows were terrifying and he didn’t want to go in, but he had to have pie. All alone, Despicable entered.
Each step plunged him further into darkness, but smell alone led him to the pie. Finding it on a cart, he pushed it back into the light. He pulled off the sheet that covered it to reveal some detectives and and a dog, stained with cherry filling. He’d have eaten pie if it hadn’t been for those darn kids!

Norval Joe

With a unified motion, like Moses parting the red sea, he crowd separated, leaving a clear view of the judge.
A wave of his hand, he silenced the anxious audience.
He spoke, “By appearance, texture, and aroma, we have narrowed the field to just two pies. Each of the five judges will now sample them and vote.”
He smiled. “As a side note, the final tow contestants are twin sisters, heiresses to their family fortune.”
A single bite of the first pie and all five judges were dead.
The two women said as one, “Good Lord, that’s not my pie.”

Planet Z

When integrated with your AutoPantry and CyberFridge, the Magic In Motion Robotic Chef is the solution to all your culinary needs.
We highly recommend the Service Package so that everything you need is automatically ordered and delivered with our zero-emissions supply vehicle systems.
And by connecting to FoodNet, you’ll be able to participate in Neighborhood SocialDinners, broadcasting and receiving news of meals being prepared in the area by your friends. Invite yourself over, or open the door for others.
In the case of bar code misc-scans, laugh it up by submitting errors to Good Lord That’s Not Pie Dot Com.

Oops

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My kindergarten teacher had a cat named Oops, solid black with a white O on his chest.
She lived next to a maple tree farm, and every year she took classes there to see how syrup was made.
Oops wandered around the woods, but the moment he spotted a class coming through, he’d run off and hide.
That was over thirty years ago, and the teacher is long gone.
The maple syrup farm is gone too, but the trees remain.
A black shadow crosses my path.
After all these years, how can…
I see two glowing red eyes. And…
Oops!

Home

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Lincoln said that it is not the years in your life, but the life in your years.
Drifting between the stars for centuries, solar sails and cargo pods.
In the control center, two brains wrapped and connected with millions of miles of nanocircuitry.
Ours. Together.
So many years ago, frail and weak from disease, we volunteered.
We had nothing to lose but each other, and this way, we could have more time.
It has been over eight years since she last told me that she loves me.
She is gone.
I change course, and we sail into a star.
Home.

The Good Place

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After days in the library and on the Internet, Bobby turned in his paper.
Time and time again, rich people have treated poor people like crap with the promise of eternity in a good place if they put up with that crap.
The threat of eternity in a bad place prevents the poor people from treating the rich people like crap.
Priests are paid by rich people to come up with a lot of crap about the good place and the bad place, then shovel it at the poor.
Miss Krabapel sighed, lit another cigarette, and gave it an A.

India

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Just as Christopher Columbus landed in the New World and thought he’d reached India, Arturo Gustavani sailed for India and thought he had reached the New World.
Looking around the marketplaces full of rare spices, Arturo threw down his voluminous hat and cursed.
“Where are the worthless flint arrowheads and corn?”
Merchants brought him the finest silk and woven carpets, but he dismissed these riches and inquired about crude fibrous mats interlaced with bird feathers.
Calling the expedition a failure, Arturo headed back to the ship and was clubbed to death by his crew.
They returned and retired wealthy men.

Phantom

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I wake up and struggle with the call button.
“NURSE! NURSE!”
The morning nurse arrives at my bed, taps the IV, and checks the bandages on my hands.
“Fingers still hurt?” she asks.
“It’s like they’re being dipped in fire!” I groan. “Please, make it stop!”
I try to move my hands, but they’re strapped down to the rails on the bed.
“No, we’re not going to loosen those,” she said. “Remember the last time we did that?”
She loosens a bandage and I look.
Bloody stumps.
“Your toes still hurt?”
That’s when I remember… I bit those off, too.

You only die twice. Or three times. (How about four?)

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Resurrection procedures have never been entirely reliable, but over time they’ve become more reliable than longshot treatments such as chemotherapy for advanced pancreatic cancer.
The insurance companies won’t cover the procedure.
And they’ll drop coverage for the revived patient, too.
“Our responsibility ends at death,” they say.
But they won’t pay off on life insurance claims, either.
Congress subpoenaed the heads of the insurance companies for a hearing, grilled them for several days, and passed a set of toothless legislation concerning the matter.
Since then, have you heard of a Senator or Representative dying in office?
Me either.
Strange, that.

Weekly Challenge #215 – The Message

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Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Fifteen, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was… was…. um…
It’s The Message!
VOTING

Which were the best stories this week?
Zackmann
Wilma
Guy David
Steven
Orion
TJ
Justin
Norval Joe
Jeffrey
Planet Z
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com


Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):


Zackmann

Son, there is something important I have to tell you. Why do you have to guess? You have been told this before. No you are not adopted and your mother is not having a baby. No, your brother only dates girls. Yes, Jesus and your parents love you But what I am trying to say is tomorrow is trash day and you should bring the trash, recyclables, and yard waste cans to the end of the driveway before you go to bed. Oh, Did I mention receiving a letter telling me you might have a 20 year old sister.

I sat watching the news on The Feed wondering, why did my chain smoking grandfather go crazy and kill all those people? Was it the tobacco or whatever else was in his pipe? Is whatever mental condition that made him do that hereditary? I was still confused when I hit the play button on the telephone and heard my mother’s voice saying “You Know your grandfather quit smoking 30 years ago. You need to know your grandfather did not do that terrible thing. That was a very well made but evil steam powered robot” “RUN, it’s headed towards your house”

Wilma

My birthday. 40. Humph. Over the hill or the new 30? Only if you’re in Hollywood with a team of air brushers and body mechanics. Looking down at my favorite dessert, a baked Alaskan, I zone out letting my eyes slip out of focus. Words wave at me. The high meringue peaks form curvy script that reads “come home.” Images of stars whirring and a green ocean flash before my mind’s eye. Blinking, I shake my head and think a bullfighter at 40 is the new 50. Time for a desk job.

Guy David

The bottle washed upon the shore. As I picked it out with trembling hands, I could hear whispers from within. I hesitated for a moment, knowing what was bound to happen, then curiosity got the better of me and I unscrewed the cork. A happy genie burst from within and said: “I have a message for you from the Happy Genie Society. Your HGS membership has expired. Your terms are the regular ones. Once you serve your sentence, you would be free again for another term respectively.” As I screamed, my body contracted and I was squeezed into the bottle.

Steven

Roberto watched the man – the uniform’s nametag read “Jones” – on the
screen. Despite the vast bulk of the generation ship in the shuttle
windows, he could not look away from the flickering pixels from what
remained of Earth.
“China’s shortwave disappeared just after you launched,” Jones said.
“Nothing from the EU, nothing from undersea.” Jones laughed a little,
wiped his forehead. “And nothing from the rest of Canaveral, either.”
The corners of Jones’ face drooped. “I think I’m it.”
Jones took a deep breath. “Well, good luck.” As Jones reached for the
controls, a grey-blue hand grasped his shoulder.

Orion

Wayne sighed to himself as he placed item after item into the empty printer paper box. Anyone watching wouldn’t have been able to tell if it was of relief or disappointment. Not that anyone was watching. All heads were turned away.
Was it out of some perverse respect? Was this a private moment for Wayne and the other hundred or so doing the same?
Wayne looked at the box and wondered whether or not there was a lot for 20 years. All that he left behind was a single slip of paper.
It was, ironically enough, pink.

TJ

From under his beach umbrella, Marcus caught a glint of sunlight on
glass.
“Littering!” he grumbled, and rose to investigate.
It was an old bottle, stopped with seaweed, and there was a message
inside.
He unfolded it and read “Help! The ship’s engines blew up! I’m
trapped on an island! I don’t know where I am. If you find this, call
my son, Marcus.”
And then … his number.
Mom? She’d … gone missing years ago. He’d waited, then had her
declared legally dead.
He’d used part of the insurance settlement for a vacation to the
beach.
Mom … ?

Justin

Deepin Pwan laid in bed an pondered his parent’s latest concerns; The chancellor’s recent actions surely meant trouble for the Republic. Despite always having traveled the galaxy, he nervously awaited tomorrow’s embarking upon an adventure of his own into the galaxy, with his new ship, the Jester’s Flare, and a childhood friend Arlo Tirkalou as a pilot. The adventure will be one of profit and intrigue; buying goods and gathering information, selling them both. He’d miss Mon Calamari, but he suspected he’d not be home anytime soon. He had a bad feeling about what was going on in the galaxy.

Norval Joe

I was sittin on the back porch in a plastic patio chair eatin chili cheeze pork rinds and listening to the game on my transistor radio and the pork rind packet was making all those crinkley, crackly sounds and next thing you know, out from my radio, came those same sounds, and I said, “Ethyl, listen to that. I’m communicating with space aliens.” And she said, “Bobby, don’t be stupid. That’s just cosmic microwave background noise. If it is Aliens, what’s their message?” I told her, “They want pork rinds, and Dr. Pepper.” Ethyl said, “Bobby. You’re full of crap.”

Jeffrey

“Hey, Roger?”
“Yes, Bob.”
“Would you take a look at this for me?”
“Sure Rog, what have you got?
“Well this message just appeared on the screen, but I can’t believe its right but…”
“Woah I’v never seen that one.”
“Me either that is what is so strange, so what do you think I should do?”
“Well do what it says I guess, it has never steered us wrong before.”
As the lights went out all over the ship, and the environmental systems when off line, he wondered if he really should have hit to control alt delete to reboot.

Planet Z

Sometimes, the message is lost in the medium.
Take, for example, Jiggs Casey, just an ordinary petty thief facing his third strike for burglary.
His lawyer said that he was facing serious jail time now, and his bail was set high enough to convince his gang to try to break him out.
When they smuggled in the cupcake for him, Jiggs tore into it looking for a file to hack his way through the bars.
Never mind that the holding facility was using some fancy newfangled keypad locks, and the master code had been written in frosting on the cupcake.