Dark Eyes

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Andrew Ian Dodge turns fro mthe headlines and looks in the mirror for a moment…

Dark eyes; why are they always seen as bad or evil? Why is it a good thing, as in the song for someone to have their brown eyes turn blue? As you can imagine I have dark brown eyes that have been known to change and become darker at times of intense emotion and pleasure. This has been called creepy and even scary by those close to me one time or other. Why I ask? What is wrong with my eyes turning black? Surely if brown eyes turning blue is a good thing then changing another way is good too?

As my grandmother explain to me, dark brown eyes are a sign that you’re full of crap.

Zorro

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Every society has its zorro, a man who rises up and fights for the people.
In Zambia, he is known as Paktuku, Defender of the Wells, and he is armed with a golden spear.
In Estonia, he is Gabt, a mighty one-armed woodsman with a gnarled axehandle.
In Paraguay, the zorro has no name that is spoken aloud, but the people hint of “He who glides like a feather.”
But compared to all the other zorros of the world, I like the sissy in the black cloak and sword the best. Maybe it’s the big black horse he rides around.

Diamonds are not a girls’ best friend

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It was Tina’s first time.
The deal was simple: she’d swallow the bag of diamonds, fly to Rome, and then she’d crap them out.
It would have been the easiest ten thousand dollars she ever made. What could possibly go wrong?
When she landed, Customs waved her through.
They were waiting for her. Tossed her in a car and drove for a few hours until they got to the villa.
“Change of plans.”
They shot her, cut her open, pulled out the diamonds, and buried the rest.
They used to harvest and sell the organs. Too much of a hassle.

Selfish

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Andrew Ian Dodge gets a little selfish with his latest story…

Selfishness is seen by many as a bad thing. It drives us human beings. You want to make money to buy stuff, get laid, find the right significant other and be comfortable. Your selfish desire for these things drives you to work harder, better and faster. This drives the economy. Why is this bad? If everyone stuck to getting what they want out of life and stopped meddling in other’s affairs life would be a hell of a lot happier for all. Sod the critics and listen to Crowley: “do what thou whilt; shall be the whole of the law.”

Am I being selfish in not plugging Andrew more in the podcasts he generously hands to me to post on the site, or is he being selfish somehow?
Maybe you’re being selfish by not sharing them with others?

Gingerman

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He sat alone in the crowd, casually reading his book and sipping a pint.
He was waiting for some people, but he preferred to read instead of wait.
One beer… two… three…
Sure, he had been early, but now they were late.
Was he at the right place? Did he get the time wrong?
Every voice in the crowd started to sound like them.
He got up and looked around… twice… three times…
“And they lived happily ever after.”
Finished. Not bad.
He shrugged, paid his tab, tipped generously, and left.
Not a bad evening at all, he thought, smiling.

Two Loves

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Walter had two childhood loves: singing waiters and rollerskating waitresses.
When he grew up, he wanted nothing more than a restaurant that had both.
So, after lying to the bank about the true nature of his dream-restaurant, he bought all the kitchen and wireless microphone equipment he needed, laid out the tables around a roller-derby track, and went on a hiring spree.
Now it’s one thing to hire singers, rollerskaters, and waiters. But it’s another thing entirely looking for all three on the same resume.
A few broken bones and stained uniforms later, Walter gave up.
He sold pizza instead.

Intent

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Andrew Ian Dodge wants to know your intentions…

That you are evil or devout matters not a jot to me. Because what you are trying to do concerns me greatly. No respect for freedoms or others that is for sure; none but your god. Other cultures or traditions do not move your sort. Because you believe only you and yours are devout enough and true. You see offence at every turn; using it as an excuse to do harm and kill. But you forget one thing, you followers of Allah, freedom will win through. When we cry freedom its not just an act; it’s a statement of intent.

Cry freedom… isn’t that a song by Growing Old Disgracefully? Check the links under the squiggly Cthulhu thing for more.

The Wacky Adventures Of Abraham Lincoln 53

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Abraham Lincoln may had a reputation as a rail-splitter, but he was also a notorious riverboat gambler.
His brilliant mind could count any number of decks, and he read the tells of his opponents like he was reading a book.
He also used his long limbs to his advantage, concealing a volume of cards up his massive sleeves.
There were two problems with his riverboat gambler career:

  • Springfield was far from any major rivers.
  • Abe tended to get shot a lot.

Perhaps it was that second problem that made him a little cocky when it came to John Wilkes Booth.

Hill

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Andrew Ian Dodge tells a tale about Gilbert…

Gilbert was content with his lot in life; sitting in his bungalow on the edge of Brecon Beacons. His colleagues thought he was nuts to retire at 45 and move to rural Wales. They thought it odd that, unlike most seismologists, he chose to retire away from fault-lines. Gilbert on the other hand knew exactly what he was doing. He, as was the previous occupant of the house, was the watcher of the hills. He was the first line of defence should any thing wake and try to come out this way. Gilbert smiled as he peered towards his hills.

I always wonder why some guys call themselves Gil, others Gilbert, and yet more call themselves Bert. Odd, eh?

The Wacky Adventures of Abraham Lincoln 52

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At first, Abraham Lincoln believed that a friend is one who has the same enemies as you have.
However, he first had to determine who his enemies were.
Abe took out a clipboard drew up a list.
It was a very long list. Lots of names on it.
His wife Mary Todd looked at the list, laughed, and then added a few names to it.
“Surely, not Tad?” said Abe. “My own son?”
Mary Todd nodded and pointed at the stairs where Tad was trying to light a fuse on a stick of dynamite.
Abe grounded him for three weeks.