Team Names

The Washington Redskins are being forced to change their team name because it’s considered a derogatory term.
The next to change will be the Cleveland Indians. Because Indians shouldn’t have to be associated with Cleveland. Haven’t they suffered enough?
The Braves and Chiefs will change, too. And then will come the Philadelphia 76ers, because public schoolkids in Philadelphia can’t count that high.
Heck, Oakland schoolchildren rarely, if ever, get A’s. But nobody would ever buy a pennant for the F’s or Dropouts.
Finally, the San Jose Sharks use a term that’s derogatory to lawyers. So, they can keep the name.

Drafted

The first player that the team drafted went in for surgery yesterday. With the right hormones and plastic surgery, she’ll make a fine cheerleader.
The second player drafted was a potted plant. It’s in the lobby. Plenty of direct sunlight, but I think they’re overwatering it.
The third player is fine, but his conjoined twin isn’t into sports. They’re still working it out.
The fourth draft pick was the general manager’s wife. They shook him awake, and he thought it was his wife waking him up.
She’s better than their first three picks combined. Why didn’t he pick her first?

Haven’t Bowled

I haven’t bowled for years.
I can’t remember the last time I bowled.
I remember the first time I was at a bowling alley. I was in the day care room while my mom was bowling. They had coloring books and blocks and games and connect the dots.
But I don’t remember playing games with other kids. Just one connect the dots. It was of a cowboy. My mom may still have it.
The company is having a bowling night tonight.
Will I bowl?
No.
Put me in the day care room. With coloring book, blocks, and connect the dots.

Boys of Endless Summer

They used to call baseball players “The Boys Of Summer” but they’re playing year-round these days. The World Series is also known as The Fall Classic, Spring Training happens in the Spring, and rookies can work on their skills.
Because they’re starting younger and going at it without a break, the wear-and-tear on their bodies takes its toll quicker. Strained tendons and torn ligaments, and the always dreaded Tommy John surgery.
So few make it to the majors, they stop chasing the dream at twenty-six, broken-down and without an education… without a career… without a future.
Who cares? Play ball!

Best of the best

Who was the best basketball player in history?
You can quote statistics and run simulations, but Doctor Odd has a time machine and can organize games between the actual players.
But he won’t. Because that would change the course of history.
Well, that, and it’s not allowed in the collective bargaining agreement between the players union and the owners. The owners don’t want any players using time machines to jump ahead into their free agency. Or going back to agitate for better terms for the early days of the league.
It doesn’t stop Doctor Odd from gambling on games, though.

Misnaming Rights

The baseball team threatened to move to another city, so the city agreed to give the team more tax breaks and financed a new stadium.
A national insurance company headquartered in the city bought the naming rights of the stadium, but the team went with another insurance company.
Sure enough, the team cut corners when they constructed the new stadium, and a deck collapsed during a game.
Even though the insurance company on the stadium wasn’t involved, they got the bad publicity when the lawsuits piled up and victims complained about the settlement.
The team moved to another city anyway.

Trash Talk

Some players have a reputation in the league for trash talk. And the league is trying to clean things up.
So, instead of trash-talking, players are being encouraged to recycle-talk.
The greener the words, the better. Sustainability is key. Renewable is all the rage. Because nobody wants to waste words.
Especially when the game is on the line, and you’re running out of fouls to give, time outs, and words.
Nothing’s worse than a team that’s run out of words, left only with facial gestures and hand signals to finish out the game.
Choose your words wisely, guys.
Speak green.