George the Figurehead

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
So, when the figurehead carving fell off of the ship, his shipmates stuffed him into a dress and tied him to the prow.
George was actually kinda good at that job.
Well, except for the constant screaming and near-drowning, but his shipmates built a breathing helmet that muffled the screaming considerably.
Pretty soon, every ship used their worst crewmember as a figurehead.
Every eight hours, George was untied for a meal break.
As for bathroom breaks, what was the point?
It all ended up in the ocean anyway, right?

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