Weekly Challenge #459 – Eat

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic: Eat

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The next 100 word stories weekly challenge is on the topic of I’ve Got Nothing. Scroll up and click on Weekly Challenge to learn how to join us!

Derp

ANIMA

I Need A New Job

Next!!

At the unemployment office, the line was moving steadily. It was nearing 9am, and the processor was thinking of his break. The sun was unbearably hot today.

Next!

Name? What was your last job? Why did you leave?

Next!

… I’ve been working in Nazarene as a carpenter, but I’m looking for a change. I am a great people person! The thirty-something smiled hopefully.

I have an opening for a sin-eater. Pays not great, but you would have a very strong influence in your community. Think that might interest you?

You said it was a permanent position?

Absolutely. Next!

JEFFREY

“Waist Line”
by Jeffrey Fischer

Chester teetered back to his seat, balancing two plates and a bowl. He settled his 350 pound frame onto the seat and considered where to start. Lasagne, bread, soup, fried chicken, mashed potatoes, dumplings, fried okra, mac and cheese, and pork roast. Oh, and a salad. He loved buffets, and this one was his favorite. According to Chester, the whole meal was good for him because of that salad. He set the salad aside and speared a dumpling.

Chester never understood why he kept gaining weight. After all, he had a salad almost daily.

“Blind Date”
by Jeffrey Fischer

Jessica arrived at the restaurant for her date. When she spotted Brian, she headed for his table. She was nervous about the evening, not least because Brian said he didn’t eat out much.

She was a little put out when he didn’t stand as she approached the table, but that paled in comparison with the next ninety minutes. Brian didn’t use a napkin, grabbed her water glass, nearly blinded her by squeezing a lemon garnish, ate with his mouth open, and checked for text messages all evening. Then he stuck her with the bill.

Now Jessica lives alone, with only a cat for company and Lean Cuisine for dinner. She considers this an upgrade.

RICHARD

#1 – George’s Story – Part 92: Have I mentioned zombies recently?

“Sorry about her”, smiled the chap in the middle seat, “she’s not too impressed with you.”

Completely bewildered, George simply stared at him vacantly.

“You’ve been a little irrational, the last few weeks…” prompted the one on the left.

George was incensed: “Irrational!”, he protested, “I thought zombies were going to eat my brains”

The man smiled at him: “Well, from what we’ve seen, if there had been zombies, they wouldn’t have had a very satisfying meal. Don’t you agree?”

George slumped, utterly deflated, in his chair.

“Look guys, can you just please tell me what this is all about?”

#2 – ‘Tiny’ Orson Thomas

See that picture on the wall there? That’s ‘Tiny’ Orson Thomas – a legend in his own lunchtime.

It seems unbelievable, but six times he’s completed the Sizzling Steakhouse Challenge – a sixty four ounce rib-eye, fries, two eggs over-easy and a side order of onion rings. His unbeaten record was twenty minutes and he’s considered a hero around these parts.

All the more surprising when you think he was only five feet tall and as thin as a rake.

Of course, it was the steaks that killed him in the end – but boy, could that guy eat!

#3 – Fussy eater

I guess I’m what most people would call a fussy eater, or, maybe you’d prefer just plain weird!

Some people won’t eat meat, others won’t touch dairy, as for me – I only eat food that shares the same letter as the day of the week…

Monday is mash; Tuesday, tuna; I’ll have walnuts on a Wednesday and so on. Weekends tend to be sausages and salmon.

Truth is, it does get a little boring and I do miss some of my favourites. There are days I’d kill for some bacon!

Which is why tomorrow, just happens to be Buesday!

MUNSI

Adam Ant

By Christopher Munroe

It’s dog eat dog out there.

No, literally Dog Eat Dog out there, I’ve been listening to old Adam Ant tunes for the past week and it’s gotten stuck in my head.

Which is great, it’s a classic, it’s just that, given time, I fear it will drive me mad.

The driving beat and repetitive chorus, blocking out all other thoughts, distracting me from my day-to-day life, causing me to lose my edge.

And I need my edge.

It’s dog eat dog out there.

It’s dog-eat-dog-eat-dog-eat-dog-eat-dog-eat-dog-eat WATCH ME DADIO!!!

Sorry, yeah, I may need to switch it to Depeche Mode…

TOM

A Well Defined Relationship Part 92

“You coming with?” “Coming where?” “There!” Timmy took the Gilgamesh card and thwacked-it at the mirror. The silver surface ripped. The card effortlessly passed through. “Damn,” said El Cid. “I guess Through the Looking Glass wasn’t bandit required reading.” “ No Steal this Book was.” “This might be a world class bad decision.” “Aren’t they all,” returned the bandit. The pair passed through the glass. The light was blinding. The heat was crushing. The Boy and Bandit had landed atop a ziggurat in a ring of ziggurats. The king himself greeted them with a plate of food. “Eat,” he said.

Goodbye Smith

“Come on Smith eat just a little,” begged Benny, but the dog just continued lying next to the wood stove. “Ok how about some water?” Smith took a few sips and then lowered his big head. When Death takes his time the first desire that passes is movement. That is followed by a lack of interest in food. When the beloved stops drinking his presence is unescapable. Mother said, “You can stay up tonight with Smith.” Benny was there when the labored breathing settled into a shallow draw. Mother handed Benny a sandwich. “Eat,” she said. Benny shook his head.

SERENDIPITY

Most people prefer a little room when they fly, but not me.

I look out for the obese passengers – preferably the ones who need an extra seat – squeeze myself in beside them and settle down for a long uncomfortable flight.

You may wonder why I choose such an unorthodox option… It’s simple – no matter how bad the turbulence, I’m safe and secure, wedged into place by my fellow passenger’s bulk.

And, should the worst come to worst, and we crash in mountainous terrain, I’ll simply eat them… And absolutely no chance that I’m ever going to starve!

LIZZIE

Eat Your Words

Everything was ready for the recording. The film would be released in just a few days. While the actors grabbed some food from the catering and slowly took their places, a crazed director stormed in. “Don’t you people have food at home? I’m hungry too. I’ve been working since 5 a.m.” One of the actors lost his temper. “Well, Mr. Director, no one will record anything today then…” And he looked at the script. “You can eat this.” That film was never concluded. Since then, all actors eat something right before starting to work, even if they are not hungry.

ZACKMANN

Doctor Monstercliff, I brought my teen here today because when he was considering fad or trendy diets I made the mistake of telling him that I was okay with any diet as long as he used our medical plan to consult a doctor or dietitian first. I know you’re new here to this land. Our peoples have a great deal in common however humans were not created like nor did we evolve from plants like the people of your home planet therefore we need food hence the Breatharian diet is quite lethal for us. Tell him he needs to eat.

SPATE

New Jersey Again

So it’s been at least seven years since I’ve done this trip but I’m back
down in Jersey for the week on business, staying at this hotel that’s wedged
behind a strip of chain restaurants and there’s this big sign out front, in
capital letters: E-A-T. That’s it – just “EAT”.

Now I’ve been committing creative sign alterations since my teenage years.
How could I let an action verb sit so lonely?

Some foam board, spray paint, duct tape, and a commandeered man lift.

Well, unfortunately the lawyers won’t let me share the after picture.

Common nouns can be very descriptive.

(music: “Deleve_SeLiga_Instrumental (press bass rmx)” by error404 featuring
presserror / curator: ccmixter.org/files/presse/12922 / CC Attribution
Noncommercial)

NORVAL JOE

I think meatloaf has to be the perfect food.
You can control the fat content by choosing leaner types of ground beef, if that’s your concern. Or you can increase the flavor by varying the ratios of ground beef, veal, pork or goat. You can select only ground meat from grass fed cattle, use non-GMO grains, gluten free rabbits, or carnivorous sheep.
It’s hard to deny the Meatloaf as a superlative source of protein. Why, it even says EAT right in the name.
But, I don’t understand why, after mixing one up, no one else wants to like the bowl.

TURA

Eat
——–
“Eat spurge, wear flem,” they say up north as a symbol of poverty. Spurge is a marsh reed which can be boiled and mashed into poor sustenance for the lowest of peasants. The tougher stalks– the flem– are pounded to separate the fibres, to be woven into shabby cloth. Etymologists debate whether flem is named for the Flemish or the other way round.

A new restaurant has just opened, serving these and other bygone staples of the destitute: potato worms, crutched friars, gravelfish, and breemliars. Dinner runs $200 for two, plus wine, and the waiting list is a year long.
—-
In southern Japan, the poor are ashamed to eat millet, because they cannot afford rice. In northern Japan, the poor are those who cannot afford millet, but must eat potatoes. In Russia potatoes are a staple (used mainly for vodka), but they consider turnips fit only for cattle. In Germany they eat turnips and give the cattle mangelwurzels. In Wales, they eat mangelwurzels but despise spurge. In Poland, they eat spurge but not barley. In Tibet, they eat barley rather than rice.

Whatever you eat, someone will look down on you for it, which explains a lot of restaurant reviews.
—-
Excellent steak!

By the way, have you ever been inside an abattoir? First thing is, the animal loses bowel control. So that’s all over the floor while they’re chopping the head off, opening the belly, and hauling out the guts to shovel up later for offal. Bandsaw the carcase, hang the sides for three days– see, you can’t actually eat newly dead cow, tough as leather, has to rot a little. Then they scrape off the mould and it’s ready for packing. If there’s inspectors watching, they might hose it down to get the last of the shit off.

Yum!

DANNY

Weekly Challenge 459: Eat

Bea lived with her parents in a modest apartment over the family owned butcher shop. Bea was a beautiful girl who had no problem attracting boys. After dating a few weeks, Bea would often invite her boyfriend over for dinner to meet her family. The boy would soon disappear after dinner, never to be seen again, yet the family always had a supply of strange but delicious steaks. One day Bea broke in the back freezer of the butcher shop shocked to discover the hacked remains of her boyfriends. Grabbing a knife, Bea proclaimed, “Oh Mom, Dad, time to eat!”

PLANET Z

When you’re on a diet, ice cream is a bad thing.

You can try to deny yourself ice cream, and it’s great if that works for you, but I don’t have that kind of willpower.

Instead, I remember something that my mother told me: use a small bowl.

The cabinet is full of small bowls. They sit in there, waiting as I grab a spoon and eat directly out of the container.

So, I try for moderation. Instead of the half-gallon containers, I get the tiny cup sized containers.

Too many of them.

Once again, I deny myself ice cream.

2 thoughts on “Weekly Challenge #459 – Eat”

  1. Planet Z’s story reminds me of discussion my wife and I have had for the naming convention for those small, single-serving sizes of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. My convention is that the really tiny one is “Boyfriend Annoyed Me” size, the next one up is “Argument with Boyfriend” size, and the big one is “Broke Up with Boyfriend” size. In her view, those should be called “Had to Talk with Boss,” “Had Argument with Boss,” and “Looking for a New Job.”

    Tura has convinced me to go vegetarian. (Jelly Babies are vegetarian, right?)

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