Mission control sent up a plaque with the newest crew. It’s for Frankie, commemorating the fact that he was the record holder for the longest time out in space. He’s going back down with the rest of us. Toasting a guy with wine and pouches isn’t quite the same as clinking glasses together. We’ll do that when we get back down. The plaque doesn’t mention the fact that Frankie cracked up from being up here too long and try to go out the airlock without a suit. There wasn’t much we could do for him, but bag his body up.
Omalley
After the heart attack, Mulligan said he’d be retiring and closing the bar. O’Malley, his lead bartender, offered to buy it. He hosted the retirement party and we all gathered around and toasted Mulligan. Just like when we toasted Grady when he had his heart attack and retired and sold the bar to Mulligan. in a few years, O’Malley will have a heart attack and retire and sell the bar to one of his bartenders. The photos on the wall show a few hundred years of retirement parties. The faces change, but the bar lives on, and the beer flows.
Extra special senior lead manager
Henry interviewed for a manager role. Do you think he did well on the interview? Yes. They liked his answers. However, based on his years of experience, they thought that he might have been a little overqualified. So they posted a senior manager role and he applied for it and interviewed for it. But it still seemed like it was beneath him. So they posted a lead manager role and he applied for an interview and nailed it.. Many years later, they got to extra special, senior lead manager, they said he was too old and didn’t get the job.
BPB
I remember back in college when a roommate dated a girl and said she passed the paper bag test and I thought he meant he could put a paper bag over her head to look good, but that didn’t make sense. She was pretty and she took care of her makeup and hair and didn’t have crooked teeth. Only later did I find out he said that because she was biracial. And the test is if her skin is darker than a paper bag, don’t date her. Which now makes sense, since she never wore a bag over her head.
Weekly Challenge #1063- Frostbite
- Richard
- Lisa
- Lizzie
- Tom
- Serendipidy
- Norval Joe
- Planet Z
RICHARD
Frostbitten
I told you about that time I unwittingly told my future boss I was a porn star, right?
It wasn’t exactly career suicide, but I had a feeling it wouldn’t do me any favours either.
On her first day as my manager, I was called into her office and she gave me a look so cold it could cause frostbite.
‘I hope you don’t intend bringing any of your questionable immoral behaviours into this office, while I’m in charge’ she said sternly.
I assured her I wouldn’t.
‘Good. You can save them for after work. My place, tonight. Bring wine!’
LISA
The Man in the Library
An old gentleman, he’s in daily but doesn’t speak to anyone. He has no interest in the books or the papers. He wears a suit, an old suit that has an almost iridescent sheen through age. There’s a thin pin stripe to it; possibly faded.
His skin is beyond pale, a white almost grey transparent covering. If he wasn’t walking around you’d assume it the ashen skin of a dead man.
He sits and watches everything. Rises.
Shakes the librarian’s hand.
Leaves.
Regardless of the weather outside, his touch is always cold. In winter that handshake practically gives you frostbite.
SERENDIPIDY
Back in the days when I had a proper job, health and safety wasn’t quite as it is now.
I worked in a meat processing factory and one of my co-workers really had it in for me.
We had one of those big walk-in freezers, but back then, they didn’t have safety locks. He shoved me inside and locked the door.
Thankfully, I was found soon after, but not before I’d lost three fingers to frostbite.
Years later, I got my own back, in my own special way.
His body’s downstairs now, in my chest freezer.
A fitting end!
LIZZIE
When words stumble through the page in a wave of sorrow, tears morn a future unlived. When a smile brings a tightness to the heart, one pauses just to breathe, a foggy gaze peering through, an overwhelming sadness stifling one’s fears. Numbness creeps through the cracks of one’s soul and one swears never to feel this chill again. And yet, it returns. Word after word. Tear after tear, the pages pacing relentlessly, gnawing at what remains…
“What? I thought it’d be a children’s story this time,” said Mouse. “The darn book shifted again… This online sorcery course is total nonsense.”
NORVAL JOE
Joan Weinerheimer put her arm around Sabrina. “Don’t cry, dear. We’ll get your things and get out of here quickly.”
They made their way to the stairs to the basement. The more they progressed, the colder it got in the house.
Billbert shivered. “We need to hurry or we’ll all get frostbite.”
In the basement, frost clung to the window and exposed metal pipes.
Sabrina’s backpack and unopened suitcase sat on the floor, next to the ropes previously used to restrain her.
“Grab her things,” Billbert’s mother said. “We need to get out. I think this house has been cursed.”
TOM
Red Christmas
The old witch on Maple Street rolled up a snowman on her lawn. The kids creeped up to the grinning coal eyed horror. “Closer, my pretty-s,” rasped the snowman,” I’m frosty. Want to have some fun?” Timmy the bravest and stupidest of us grabbed the carrot nose. Being the little monsters, we were, we moved in close to mock Frosty. The snowman wrapped Tim with his twiggy arms, took a bit out of his neck. In quick order we were all bleeding of Frostbit. As Timmy’s eye turn from blue to white, Frosty suggested we head down to the mall.
PLANET Z
The road leading to Ray Kinsella‘s farm was packed with cars. They didn’t know why they were driving there. After all, Ray was the jackass who had plowed up his field to build a baseball park. They parked wherever they could park, here were only a few small bleachers, no concessions, no restrooms. Some lined up to use the bathroom in the house while others just went out into the field to piss. Those who returned came back smiling, calm, as if they’ve seen something glorious. Others never returned. The next day, they blamed it all on a gas leak.
Woodsman
The Tin Woodman wasn’t always made out of Tin. He started off made out of a woodsman. But he had broken the heart of a witch, and she cursed his ax to cut him up. Every time he cut something off, a friendly Tin Smith replaced it. After a few misgivings, he was entirely made out of Tin. He tried to kill the evil witch, but she had cursed the ax to not harm her. Fuck it, said the woodsman. And he bought a chainsaw. I should’ve been using this long ago. And chopped up the witch. Embrace technology, bitches.
Vultures, vultures
Mother called herself an antique dealer, but the way she hunted for rural estate sales, I think vulture was the more appropriate label. She’d look in the paper for obituaries and addresses. Driving around, looking for the signs. Loading up her minivan with rustic things that yuppies would find quaint to pile on their bookshelves or mantles. A few restaurant chains hired her to decorate their stores. When she died, dozens of her fellow vultures circled the house waiting for the estate sale. I just threw everything out in the yard with no prices to watch them fight each other.
Shitty parents, shittier kids
Lenny lived in a neighborhood with lots of walking paths and bike routes. He’d go for walks in the woods and along the golf course every day. He waved to the other people who are out walking or pushing strollers or walking their dogs or on their bikes. He never waved to the kids on scooters, golf carts, or e-bikes tearing along the paths, throwing their fast food trash into the grass. Sometimes he went out with a plastic bag to pick up the trash. There’d always be more. Just like the trash in the golf carts, scooters, and E-bikes.
Rank and file
The army has its humor. When George Rank and Henry File enlisted, the leadership saw an opportunity. So, they were promoted quickly. And despite their incompetence, they breezed through Officer Shool with a wink and a nod from the teachers and evaluators. 20 years later, Rank and File had stars on their shoulders. The joint chief of staff probably announced that the army was now in the hands of the rank-and-file. And due to their incompetence, the actual rank-and-file were decimated. And the country lost every war and battle it fought. Thank God for the Air Force bombing the enemy.
The sound of freedom
Living near an Air Force Base, occasionally you’ll hear a jet going by. And even though they’re not supposed to go sonic overland, but you still feel the occasional shudder or window rattle. That’s the sound of freedom, said the head librarian. Smiling. I nodded, handed over my card and she slid the book back to me. Then I heard aloud crash and the whole building shook. One of the fighters accidentally dropped a bomb and the shockwave took down City Hall. The aquarium in the kids section and shattered and books had fallen off of all of the shelves.