Category: Weekly Challenge

• Lizzie
• Richard
• Lewie
• Serendipidy
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

The next topic is Family portrait

RICHARD

The House Sitter
“It’s just a dead plant. Look, when you asked me to house sit, I thought you just wanted me to keep an eye on the place. You should have made it clear you expected me to do other stuff too, like watering your precious plants!”
“Oh, it was precious? Seriously, how much? For a silly miniature tree? You must be crazy!”
“No, don’t go giving me the cold shoulder. I was good enough to step in at short notice; don’t take me to task over this.”
“What do you mean, did I at least feed the cat properly?”
“What cat?”

LEWIE

Title: Craigslist Said It Was Healthy

“Take care of Jarold. He’s a bit troublesome in the mornings,” my manager said, feverishly preparing for his vacation.

Jarold… was a ficus.

Jarold was dead on arrival.

Panic set in. I scrolled the marketplace and found an ad.

We met in a questionable alley downtown.

The woman rummaged through her truck, hair brushing over junk, and handed me a torpid plant.

“This one matches your aura”.

I couldn’t shoulder the guilt. It was eating me alive.

By the time my manager returned, he paused, surprised.

“Keep the plant”, he said, “Jarold seems to like you.”

Jarold Jr. is thriving.

LIZZIE

The new dead plant in the garden of dead plants was rather cheeky, bragging about being the deadliest dead plant around. The other dead plants chuckled. A fever of hatred ensued. The deadliest dead plant…. Who cares? She’s dead. The new dead plant vowed to kill them all. The problem was that they were already dead. That’s when she came up with a plan. Fertilizer! She summoned the wind. The fertilizer flew from the ripped bag, and the dead plants, horrified, began to sprout again. “Happy to be alive? That is a kind of death, isn’t it, you silly weeds?”

SERENDIPIDY

He was shivering violently, sweating profusely; groaning in evidently intense pain.
“The fever will pass soon” I reassured him, “and then there will be no more pain, no more anything really. You’ll just slip quietly away.”
I picked up my notebook, jotting down my observations. This was my most successful experiment so far. Who would have thought that a simple, ground-up dead plant could be so viciously toxic?”
I suppose you could consider my experiments somewhat unethical. Why subject people to a painful death, when lab rats would surely suffice?
Simple: I’m an animal lover.
And, besides, it’s fun!

NORVAL JOE

Billbert stared at the ring Mandi had placed on his finger and then watched as she placed one on her own.

His head suddenly burned with fever and his thoughts became vague and torpid. His vision went bright white and he collapsed backward onto her bed.

Billbert felt a sharp pain on his cheek and then again. He opened his eyes to see Mandi leaning over him. Her lips moved frantically but he couldn’t hear what she said.

When his hearing returned, Mandi said and showed him her finger, “These are my grandparent’s rings. I think you are mine, now.”

PLANET Z

Ned Pearson was apprentice to Wordmaster Bunson last fall. The old man spent his time in a wheelchair and he was nearly deaf and completely blind. He would think of stories and Ned would write them down. Repeat that back to me, said Bunson. And Ned would read off what Bunson had said. Bunson would think for a moment and he would either have Ned cross out that line and replace it or he would continue with his story. Sometimes, Bunson would have Ned go back and read everything. Thank you, Ned. said Bunson. Perfectly done. Ned said you’re welcome.

• Lizzie
• Richard
• Tom
• Serendipidy
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

The next topic is PICK TWO
Fever
Shoulder
Torpid
Hairbrush
A dead plant

LIZZIE

Beach towel, sunglasses. An empty deodorant can? She’d stopped using spray deodorants ages ago, when being environmentally friendly was a thing. Suddenly, the can beeped. She quickly tossed it away, but her guilty made her pick it up again. Then, a red dot appeared exactly when her ex walked up. “Hello!” For some reason, he took the can from her and… vanished. To her amazement, the can spoke. “Thank you for helping us capture a human specimen of the stupid kind. We’ll research him thoroughly.” Perhaps she could help again. She knew a few more specimens of the stupid kind.

RICHARD

Warning
If there’s one thing I really can’t stand, it’s the nanny state.
Politicians, public bodies and corporations ‘looking after’ our interests and keeping us safe from harm.
Let’s cut to the chase… I’m perfectly capable of exercising viewer discretion, without being advised to do it by some well-meaning TV announcer.
I don’t need a warning telling me the contents of my apple pie or coffee cup may be hot, I can figure that out by myself, thank you very much!
As for this warning on my deodorant can: ‘Do not pierce, even when empty’… well, we’ll see about that!

TOM

Got No Title, Kids

As a rule, I’m pretty fluid with topics here at the Challenge. I can say only a handful of prompts have left me staring blankly into space. This is one. So, I asked AI is there any thing interesting about empty deodorant cans. This is what it spit out: Empty deodorant containers are widely available for purchase online for DIY projects, ranging in price from roughly $1 to $3 per unit depending on quantity and material (plastic or cardboard). Is there an infinity retention of value for all manufactured items? Wait! Who these people buying this stuff? Get a life.

SERENDIPIDY

A chair, bolted to the floor.
Cable ties and duct tape.
An empty deodorant can and a cigarette lighter, lying together, discarded carelessly on the floor.
A cryptic puzzle, silently begging you to put the pieces together.
What happened here? Can you guess? Can you work it out?
Or perhaps you need something more obvious to reconstruct recent events?
The moaning, coming from the corner of the room should be an obvious clue.
But, if you still haven’t got it, then maybe you should take a closer look.
His melted face is a bit of a giveaway, don’t you think?

NORVAL JOE

Billbert took Mandi’s hand and they flew to her bedroom window. She pushed it open and waved Billbert in.

Once inside, she pointed to her bed. “Have a seat. I’ll be right back.”

He didn’t think it appropriate for a boy to sit on a girl’s bed but as there were no other chairs in the room he gave up and sat.

She brought in an old deodorant can that rattled when she shook it.

“Hold out your hand,” she said as she twisted the bottom from the can.

Obediently, Billbert did and Mandi shoved a ring onto his finger.

PLANET Z

It was time to clean out the cupboards in the bathroom.
Old pills, crusted-over bottles of cough medicine.
It all went in the trash.
We found some dead bugs back there.
Bandages that fell out of the pack.
Cotton swabs, too.
Burnt-out light bulbs… we checked them, sure enough.
I guess we replaced a few in the vanity and never threw out the dead ones.
Some tooth brushes left over from when we went electric.
A spent can of deodorant spray.
Not sure why that wasn’t thrown out.
Empty the bin into the trash can, and close the lid tight.

• Lizzie
• Richard
• Tom
• Serendipidy
• Norval Joe
• Lewie
• Planet Z

The next topic is An empty deodorant can

RICHARD

Like his dad?
She turned and smiled at me with pride, “Won’t you just look at that, he’s a real chip off the old block.”
Well, he may have been my kid, but I was struggling to see even the remotest resemblance to myself. It was ten years since I’d last seen him, thanks to a very messy divorce.
I tried to see myself in him, but I couldn’t equate the skinny, ballet-dancing, somewhat effeminate boy with his beer-swilling, biker dad.
“I’m not sure, Sherry, he’s nothing like me.”
“I know that, you jerk… It’s me he takes after. Thank God!”

LIZZIE

The yacht was new. Was it? The plan was to sail aimlessly for a week, exploring the small beaches along the coast. A bad plan. Deciding to sail aimlessly was just the first of many problems. Upon closer inspection, they noticed water and chips of rotten wood drifting inside the hull. Then an error message appeared. An electronic chip was apparently damaged. An argument erupted, and chipped teeth happened. When they finally returned back home, they vowed to sell the yacht, and pay for the dentist with the money. It was either that or try their luck at the casino.

TOM

Peeking Early

He was 42 and his name was Chip. Though he graduated of U of C in business, he worked for his dad at the mobile house company. He actually looked like a chip. Browning blonde hair, a good 6 foot two. Horn rimmed glasses and a not so smile smile. We did a lot of paper work for the purchase of the house. I’m sure he did something to make the paperwork flow. Never learned his give name. Since that was 40 years ago that would make him in his 80s. Can you be Chip rounding 90? Peeking early.

SERENDIPIDY

Being a contract killer isn’t completely without its risks.
There are, of course, the obvious challenges – you’re not exactly dealing with decent folk, and that goes for those hiring you, as well as those you’re going to be taking out. Then, of course, there’s the cops and all the associated dangers of getaway driving, hiding-out and taking care of potential witnesses.
As I said, it’s a risky business.
However, sometimes it’s the small, unexpected things that really trip you up.
Like the last job I did…
I got a nasty chip in my nail polish from the pistol trigger.

NORVAL JOE

Finding a safe place to take off, Billbert flew just above the trees to the Withybottom’s mansion. Mandi waited for him on the front porch.

When Billbert landed at the top of the steps, he asked, “Did you forget your key?”

She held it up. “No. There’s something stuck in the keyhole.”

Billbert peered into the hole. “You’re right. Someone hammered a wood chip into it. Who would do something like that?

“Who else?” Mandi stated. “John the butler.”

She sighed. “All of the other doors are sabotaged, too.”

Billbert said cheerfully, “We’ll just have to find another way in.”

LEWIE

Title: Repeat Until Texture Is Uniform

Charles has indirectly pierced

corn husks inside Paul’s

chipper. Howling in panic,

Charles had ignored pain,

creeping humbly, influencing present

conditions. Hope infused Paul,

carrying him. “I progressed—

clearing hazards, I’ll persevere,”

calming hands in place.

Charles, having ingested protruding

cobs, hummed in place.

“Charles?” He imagined patterns—

circles, heart-infused impressions, pulsating.

“Charles!?” Hope impoverished Paul.

“Charles, help, I—” paused.

Cold hesitation intensified panic.

Crushing him in paralysis.

Cogs halted in place.

Charles hung, irregular. Paul

couldn’t help. “I’m powerless…”

Crushing hum intensified, persistently.

Conscious horror invading perception.

Clearly, husks in place.

Chewed, hashing into paste.

Curiously, hints irresistibly palatable.

PLANET Z

The Chinese waited until the yields on their microchip fabrication We’re good enough before they invaded Taiwan. It was an absolute bloodbath in the streets and in the markets. Only after the death settled, they revealed that they had 2 and 3 nm chips, perfected, and the fabrications were open for business. There were a few larger scale fabrications in Europe and other way, but nothing on the scale that had been in Taiwan. Even the American fabrication factories were still under construction, or had burned through all of their government subsidies without producing a single chip. The Chinese laughed.

• Lizzie
• Richard
• Tom
• Serendipidy
• Planet Z

The next topic is Chip

RICHARD

Might as well jump
So, my mate John from the tribute band, Fan Halen, was feeling the show needed jazzing up a bit. It needed more energy, more of a rock n roll vibe.
He asked me for some tips.
I mulled a few ideas around in my mind, eventually suggesting that maybe he should give the classic stage dive a shot.
We decided he should try it at the next gig.
All was going well, right up until that moment.
John is the only guy I know that can throw himself on top of a tightly packed mass of fans…
And miss completely.

SERENDIPIDY

Classic signs of a violent struggle: significant abrasions, torn nails, multiple defensive cuts to the hands and arms, and a blood spatter pattern that clearly demonstrated this had been a protracted and extremely vicious attack.
I’ll be the first to admit, it wasn’t the tidiest of crime scenes that I’d left in my wake, but life can be like that – even with meticulous planning, things can get messy.
Then again, I like messy.
It’s my trademark.
If I left the scene, clean, tidy and clinical, you wouldn’t know it was my handiwork.
And, I really can’t have that, can I?

LIZZIE

Classic. A car? The radio. Classic music? No, the radio. The music on the radio? No, the radio. The officer closed his notepad, shook his head, and walked away. Classic. Someone overheard it. Why classic? The radio. Oh, not the cop? No, the radio. Why did he walk away? Don’t know, but… the radio. No one paid attention. But he knew. The radio had killed them. So, he grabbed it, and walked away. Classic. The word kept repeating in his head. When he smashed the damn thing, it made a fizzling sound and that was it. Classic problem-solving strategy, brutality.

TOM

The face that launched a 1000 ships

She was a classic. Timely with an air of certainty. One could not own such a spirit, only assess it her continuation. To that end I have amassed a considerable fortune in protection lesser soul from gain purchase. Some might point out I may have lost my way in this pursuit. But look at her, she shines brighter than the brightest star. Markus took for last long gaze. He drew the curtain. Locked the door. The air above the bunker was -25. It was 200 miles to the air field. As he fly into the rising sun, Markus thought safe at last.

PLANET Z

I remember when Coke became New Coke, and then they brought back original Coke as Coke Classic.
Pepsi never became New Pepsi or Pepsi Classic, nor did Dr. Pepper, RC. or any other soda.
Sprite, Mountain Dew, and Tab didn’t change at all, either.
Fanta, that Nazi soda, has never changed.
Well, when I say changed, I mean branding.
A lot of them have changed from sugar to corn syrup.
Although now many claim to use cane sugar.
But none are changing to New or Classic.
They just say cane sugar on the front and then in the ingredients list.

• Lewie
• Lizzie
• Richard
• Tom
• Serendipidy
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

The next topic is Classic

LEWIE

As the tour guide brought the group through a museum, a cheesy cover band was in one room playing ambient music of slicing, shredding, and melting cheese on a grill, another member was stretching mozzarella, while another was intensely focused curing a wheel of cheddar.

The exhibit itself was full of various sculptures of hats, swords, animals, flowers, and more. They were colorful and seemed to wave in the air. It almost seemed as if static electricity drew them towards you. In each room, the artist could be heard twisting, rubbing, and shaping new sculptures made of vibrant, colorful balloons.

LIZZIE

Slow down, she cried. The streets were empty. A strict curfew was in force. We can’t slow down, he whispered. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her forward. He couldn’t leave her behind. She was his world. She had taught him to believe that everything could go back to what it was. That’s when he saw them. The three red orbs, scanning the alleyway. He instinctively covered her body with his, right before they fired. Years later, she told their child, now the leader of a democratic country, the story of that day when they had to run and hide.

RICHARD

I’m with the band
He was in a cover band; they called themselves Fan Halen.
He played guitar. In his mind he could shred like Eddie, but to be absolutely honest, his two-handed tapping was just a mess of fumbling fingers and he was the only guitarist I knew who routinely ended up with pick-related injuries.
The rest of the band were pretty awful too, and behind their backs we used to refer to them as Van Failin’!
I drove them to all their gigs, and despite the dreadful music, I always stayed for the whole show.
Why?
Two words – the groupies!

TOM

1040

by my reckoning this week is the 20th year at the challenge. So thank to L for what was a long strange trip it’s been.

Dawn patrol

It was 4-a-clock in Montmartre. The locales were hosing down the street from the debris of the swarms of Germans and Russians had pasted. I had slowed down to a sub-stroll among the glittering empty streets. Circling out from the main square I came upon a rather shabby structure and it’s garage. In a dormer window was this abstract stick model. A small sign in front of the build quietly stated this was Pabla Picasso’s studio. No fanfare, just acknowledgment. Best sculpture gallery in the city of light. If you ever get a chance to visit, throw away the guidebook, wander.

SERENDIIDY

Slow down!
I know it’s late, and the empty streets are dark and deserted.
You’re scared, and that’s understandable. You’re rushing, focussed on getting to your destination as quickly as possible.
You walk briskly, glancing over your shoulder, avoiding alleyway entrances, ears attuned to any unexpected sound.
But, there’s really no need to rush. Slow down, take it easy, savour the moment, you can afford to take your time, I promise you.
You see, no matter what you do, whether you dawdle or sprint, I’m going to get you anyway.
So, make the most of the time you have left.

NORVAL JOE

“Slow down, a minute,” Sabrina said. “You don’t expect Loony Bin to come on a special mission like this. I don’t mean to shred your hopes about a happy little threesome heading off on a great adventure. But she just doesn’t fit.”

From the first time he met Sabrina, she had insisted on making all of his choices for him, and now Billbert was fed up. “First of all,” he growled at her. “I want you to stop calling Mindi names. And second of all, she’s been a friend of mine for a long time, and she fits to me.”

PLANET Z

When I was very sick, I kept extensive notes and every receipt and doctors report.
I deducted all of the healthcare expenses, and eventually I got better.
After a while, the notes and receipts were taking up a lot of space in my closet.
So I dragged out the paper shredder and fed the documents in one by one.
A few minutes later, the shredder slowed down.
The overheating light came on.
I went out for a walk, came back, and continued shredding.
Until the light came back on again.
Eventually, the bin was empty.
And I got sick again.

• Lewie
• Lisa
• Lizzie
• Richard
• Tom
• Serendipidy
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

The next topic is PICK TWO
Cover band
Slow down
Empty streets
Sculpture gallery
Shred

LISA

A stressful Job
John was stressed at work. He’d tried meditating, herbal tea and cutting his hours. He left the office altogether wondering if the commute was a factor and worked from home. All to no avail. His blood pressure was sky high and his family were worried so they ordered some executive, very expensive and delicate stress relief toys. The parcel arrived and they left it for him. The next day he was the least stressed they’d ever seen him. The toys unplayed with. He leant back, under the desk he popped the air from the bubble-wrap.
“Thank you!” he smiled.

LIZZIE

The bubble wrap, he said, we must make sure this book is well protected before we ship it off. Everyone hurried around, mostly just trying to look busy. Where’s the bubble wrap? Finally, someone said that they had none left. Go buy some more?! They all ran out of the room. He waited, and waited. The book mumbled. He was startled. The book mumbled some more. What? I can protect myself, it said. He was stunned. How?! That’s when everyone came rushing back. Bubble wrap! The book sort of sneezed and tragically everyone collapsed. The book clearly didn’t like plastic.

RICHARD

Pop!
Pop… pop… pop’
She’d been at it for over five minutes now. Enough was enough!
“Will you please stop doing that!”
She looked at me with ‘that’ look on her face.
“But it’s relaxing” she said, in a whiny tone of voice.
“Do I look relaxed?” I asked.
“You look pissed” she said. “You know what? You’re always picking on me, you’re so intolerant!”
She threw the bubble wrap at me in frustration and stormed out of the room.
Perfect, I thought, sitting back comfortably in my chair and sighing in relief.
Bubble wrap: Gotta love it!
Pop… pop… pop’

LEWIE

Title: Bubble Rap

I went to the store just to kill this bore.

Looked on the shelf – yea, I spotted an elf.

Glanced to the left, saw no theft.

Turned to the right – got a fright.

Peering closer,

saw a jokester.

Bubbles three,

and nothing more.

Pop-poppety-POP!

He gave a retort,

“Life can be short.”

Blew through his cane –

three just the same.

One bubble big.

Two doubled small.

“Thrrrrreeeeee in aaaaalllllll!”

he called with a drawl.

I name this Fred,

with no hope left.

I name this Holly,

still quite jolly and light.

I name this…

POP!

That poor bubble –

he’s dead!

SERENDIPIDY

I stared at the contents of the box in dismay.
Bubble wrap. A great big, huge roll of bubble wrap.
Someone at the warehouse had screwed up big time.
Unless, I’d made a mistake. I called up my online order, no -there it was, clear as day: Bulk pack of duct tape, and they’ve only gone and sent me bubble wrap instead.
What use is that to me?
Am I supposed to bubble wrap you to a chair? Gag you with bubble wrap? How the hell am I going to restrain you without duct tape?
Maybe, I could suffocate you?

TOM

The line between

Rudy worked out the hard math. It took 400 sqft of bubble warp to created the cubes. Well it was actually a hyper-cube with lemniscate nano-tubes. It took months to built and a couple of weeks to get it to the site. Transport speed had to be below 12 mph. Rude was lower in to center and whole thing was spun to remove any gaps. His mom threw him a kiss and the crew dumped him in the water. He went over the falls and disappeared in the foam. When the retrieval crew got to the bubble warp Rudy was smiling.

NORVAL JOE

“A NASCAR race? Right, Lindy-Mindy,” Sabrina sneered.

Billbert held up a finger. “Sabrina. She’s right. The clues match and the Sonoma raceway is only 250 miles away. There’s a race next month, after school’s out.”

“Okay,” Sabrina said. “That gives us a month to find the third person mentioned in the directions. Let’s invite Bobbi to go.”

“What about me? “Mandi interjected. “I used magic to trap you in the mirror.”

“That’s true, Sabrina. Mandi used magic,” Billbert said. “And speaking of the mirror, why did you put all your stuff in it?”

Sabrina shrugged. “It’s safer than bubble wrap.”

PLANET Z

Soon after arriving and saying hello, the Voldani offered a solution to global warming.
Move Earth a bit further from the sun.
Sure, they could do it.
They’d done it before with a few other planets.
There was just a bit of breakage, nothing major.
Maybe some seismic activity.
So, we agreed.
The subcontractors dropped out of hyperspace and wrapped the entire planet in bubble wrap.
By the time the Earth was in position, every living creature had suffocated.
“Bummer,” said the Voldani.
They spent the next five years in Galactic Court fighting with the subcontractor over liability and payments.

• Lewie
• Lisa
• Lizzie
• Richard
• Tom
• Serendipidy
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

The next topic is Bubble wrap.

LEWIE

Title: Silence Has Teeth

Alone.
In the dark.

It is a cruel punishment. No one else around. Left to your thoughts.

With people, you could tell them to quiet. Alone, there are none to silence. The mind never stops talking.

It remembers every wrong, every injustice, every moment no one believed.

The silence feeds it.

“Shut up!”

There are no consequences, only echoes. A mind can waste away arguing with itself.

When the universe is quiet, the mind becomes the noisiest place in existence.

“Please stop.”

There is only one task left.

Not escape.
To make peace with it.

“That’s enough, Warden.”

Good night.

LISA

Our House
Growing up our house was actually in the Guiness Book of Records as the noisiest place in the universe. My twin sisters fought constantly: screaming matches followed by raucous fights which usually ended with tears and a door slamming. My brother played the trumpet. Badly. Dad always had the radio on and would sing along whether he knew the words or not. Mum, well, Mum was, understandably, out a lot. So, I never knew how blissful quiet was until I left home and experienced an empty house for the first time and heard the sound of my own contented breathing.

LIZZIE

This is the noisiest place in the universe, he said. There was absolutely no sound in the tunnel, except for their voices. She winced. You can’t hear it? He’s nuts, she thought. Look! Two small figures appeared. Who?! He pointed up. They said that this is the noisiest place they have visited. They had to hide in this tunnel. They were going nuts out there. Let’s go for a ride. And they all did, to the quietest place in the universe, where everyone waved. She wasn’t sure whether they waved hello or goodbye to the noisiest creatures in the universe.

RICHARD

In Space

Remember the tag line for the movie, Alien? ‘In space no one can hear you scream’.
Scientifically sound, of course: soundwaves can’t travel through the vacuum of space, but that troubles me.
Just how many screams are reverberating around up there? And who on earth would be screaming?
What else is going on in space that we can’t hear, but we really should be concerned about?
Is there some gigantic interstellar PA system booming out a message that humanity is doomed, issuing vital instructions to ensure our survival?
Or maybe there’s nothing, at all.
A silence so profound, it’s deafening.

TOM

A fine and quite place

Ra woke to noise. Lots of noise right down to the rumble of radiation. A rain of tachyons beating down, it was enough to drive a god crazy. The big bang was hecka loud but it was over pretty fast. All this matter in the center of the Milky Way made it noisiest place in the universe. So slowly at first by faster later Ra move his tiny sun 10,000 light years to the low rent section housing of the Orion arm. Ra went back to sleep … until someone started to ping in the dark forest. “Not good,” he thought.

SERENDIPIDY

Welcome to my mind.
Quite possibly the noisiest place in the universe, not that you could possibly know that, if you weren’t me.
You don’t hear the constant voices; the shouting and screaming, urging me to burn, kill and destroy. You don’t hear the rush and thunder of the blood coursing through my veins, or the ringing in my ears that never stops.
You know nothing of the thoughts that continually clamour for attention.
You don’t hear any of it. Nothing whatsoever.
But I do.
And it’s unbearable.
Mostly.
You see, I can make it stop.
With bloodshed, and pain.

NORVAL JOE

Sabrina continued reading the diary. “Two of you have been sufficient thus far. Now, a third with power must join. Your quest takes you to a place, louder than all others, where time is limited, and the drive for success approaches the boundaries of speed.

“There, you will meet a fourth to lead you on.”

Billbert looked at the girls. “What’s the loudest place on earth?”

Sabrina shrugged. “They aren’t launching space shuttles anymore, so, how about an airport?”

Mandi shook her head. “They’re loud, but there is no drive for success. I think the place is a NASCAR race.”

PLANET Z

By the time the cryogenically preserved crew arrived at their destination, scientists invented faster than light travel. So instead of the colony ship arriving to an empty world, civilization had been founded and flourished. The colony ship had been programmed to launch the terraforming drones on arrival. The current residents of the world were not pleased about this, and they destroyed the colony ship and its drones. The ships flaming wreckage landed in the ocean, and a few coastal cities suffered tidal waves. There were a handful of cryogenic pods that survived somehow, but they were quickly smashed to pieces.

• Lewie
• Lisa
• Lizzie
• Richard
• Tom
• Serendipidy
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

The next topic is The noisiest place in the universe.

LEWIE

Dear Everyone,

Except for the guy in the back, in the yellow shirt.

Being of sound body and mind, I hereby declare that you are all immorally dressed. Nobody will receive anything of mine. Except maybe Francis. I haven’t decided yet. I leave it up to the guy in the yellow shirt.

Everyone looked. Nobody was present.

“Wasn’t Uncle Joe colorblind?” Francis asked.

“No.”

“Nancy has a yellow coat!”

“It specifically said, ‘Shirt… and guy.`”

“What’s that even mean?”

A courier stepped in with a package.

He wore an almost yellow shirt.

It was probably the lighting.

“Is Francis here?”

LISA

The Letter
“Dear Everyone.” The letter began.
“By the time you read this I’ll be gone.” For an eight year old he sure was dramatic I
suspected Chat GPT had helped.
We shifted uncomfortably and caught each others eyes. The Mother was inconsolable. The father still hadn’t answered our Calls.
“Don’t try and find me.”
We’d asked if there’d been any arguments, whether he was happy at school. The usual questions but with no explanatory answers.
Then, in he sauntered with a ‘Whaaaaaaat?”
His mother held the letter out asking what it was.
“My homework? To write a serious letter. He smirked.

RICHARD

A girl’s best friend
This wasn’t going well.
We were shopping for an engagement ring, and she was thinking money was no object, whereas I was very much of the opinion that we were on a strict budget, not that I was prepared to tell her that.
“How about one of these” she said, pointing to some large diamonds.
I looked. They were all so dear, every one of them, without exception.
“Aren’t they a bit ostentatious?” I suggested, “Wouldn’t you prefer something less vulgar… understated, yet elegant, just like me?” I smiled.
“Don’t you mean, cheap and tacky, just like you!” She retorted.

LIZZIE

“Dear Everyone, I…” And that was it. The letter was never completed. The police tried to figure it out. Everyone? Who? What statement would follow that lonely “I”? And where was the author of the letter? The police searched the house. They searched around the house. They canvassed the entire neighborhood. They opened emergency phone lines. The tips were worthless. After a month, the police gave up. A year later, a neighbor received a letter saying “I remember now.” No sender address, no fingerprints, no DNA, no clues. Just that one line, written in the unmistakable handwriting of his neighbor.

SERENDIPIDY

Dear everyone,
This is my manifesto.
Now you know something bad is coming. Any time somebody writes something headed, ‘My Manifesto’, it’s always a very bad thing.
You can almost visualise I’m sat alone in front of my computer, surrounded by loaded automatic weapons, combat knives and a stack of home-made pipe bombs.
You’re already making assumptions about my childhood and how I was bullied at school.
It’s all going to turn out very badly, and basically, you saw it coming.
Coming to think of it, I can’t be bothered writing a manifesto. You already know what it contains.

NORVAL JOE

“It’s a long story,” Billbert mumbled. “I’ll let Mandi explain.”

After Linoliamanda had told her story, Sabrina scowled and stepped toward her. Sabrina raised her hand as if to slap Mandi. Instead, she swiped the magnifying glass from Mandi’s hand.

Sabrina looked through the glass at the items on the table. All the arcane objects disappeared, except for two; the locket and a small diary.

“Hmm,” Sabrina grunted and picked up the diary.

She opened it and began to read, “Dear everyone, or at least, those who are left. You have journeyed this far and now you must move on.”

TOM

Mea Culpa

Dear Everyone:

It is with deep sadness I stand before you as the chief architect of this morning’s disaster. I could easily make the case the times justified the action, but someone most fall on the sword. I have drawn that lot. While history may be kinder than you all with pitch forks and the tastes of blood on your lips let me beg one last request. Safe passage for my family to the green zone. May you know a brighter day.

Secretary Dem Orton Thorwell

The letter was pinned to his suit as he turned slowly in the wind.

PLANET Z

They pulled Sally‘s body out of the river. In her pocket was a note that said dear everyone, but after that, it was an illegible smear. The coroner said suicide, case closed. The next day, three more bodies pulled from the river. The same note in their pocket, dear everyone. On the third day a dozen bodies. the corner noticed that it was the same handwriting on the notes. Was it a cult? A serial killer? Police watched the river, but never caught anyone. this morning, they pulled 100 bodies out of the river, and there’s still more out there.

• Lewie
• Lisa
• Lizzie
• Richard
• Tom
• Serendipidy
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

The next topic is Dear everyone

RICHARD

Twist
I hate how the world has become so dumbed-down. When did the human race descend to the level where everything has to be explained to them?
Have we really become so stupid we need instructions to complete even the simplest of tasks?
Please hold the hand rail’, ‘Push to exit’, ‘Twist to open’… I mean, come on, are we really that thick?
Then I watch the news, scroll through social media and find myself coming to the conclusion that, just maybe, we are.
Only the message we need isn’t ‘Twist to open’, it’s ‘Wake up and smell the coffee!’

LISA

A Need for Something Sweet
Neptune was angry. He pummelled the pier until the wood weakened and split. The end of the pier snapped into the water; the waves could lap at the shop then. Licking the windows trying to taste what was beneath. The weight of the water behind the waves splintered the glass and it gave way. The shop had been selling traditional sweets since the pier was built. Sweets that no one under thirty had even heard of never mind tried. Aniseed Balls and Candy Twist. A jar of bonbons bobbed in the sea then crashed against a rock. Neptune was calmed.

LIZZIE

Write the story of your life, they said. It’ll be a success. And she wrote the story. It wasn’t fine and it wasn’t a success. Why? Because the story had one character. She was the main and only character. Her story wasn’t that interesting, she thought. Born to a family of crazy people. Small town, crazy school. Moved to the big city and got a fancy job that paid well. Then, she decided to write her story. The intrusive thoughts took over and she was done. The moment she jumped off the bridge, she thought “I’m crazy enough to fly”.

LEWIE

Oliver Twist’s parents were out of town,
vacationing.

He hosted a party
full of energy and music.

There was someone in the other room
playing a game of Twister,
shouting, “Left hand Blue!”

His friend Ernő kept to himself,
sitting in a large armchair,
twisting a Rubik’s Cube,
and Timmy tested Tibetan tongue twisters.

Chubby Checker started singing the twist.
Outside, a twister formed — the ultimate plot twist.
The television died.
Henry screamed.

His mother scolded him for twisting her TV rules.

He blamed his twisted sister’s
twisted sense of humor.

“But it is the theme, isn’t it?” she chuckled.

SERENDIPIDY

Why does the twist always have to come at the end?
Why not the beginning? (The butler did it! There: I saved you a long read).
Or perhaps the middle? I think that would be a real twist… You’d never have seen that coming.
But no, we always pin it to the end, often the last chapter, maybe even the very last page.
So predictable, so dependable, so very boring.
So, I’m not going to do it.
You’re coming to the end.
And, there is no twist.
Really. I mean it.
And you still got to the last line anyway.

TOM

Like we did last summer

If you weren’t an Aruther Murray prodigy, social dancing was problematic. Spent time at many a Polish wedding hugging the wall. Then as if a gift directly from the gods came: The Twist. A dance that remained in my skill-set deep into the 80s. The trick is to look exponentially cooler is lower till your knee are nearly scrapping the dance floor. By 1993 I had all but lost this skill, but then who among us could have competed against the like of Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction. And that Italian kid. Wonder if she can still cut a rug.

NORVAL JOE

Mandi shoved the magnifying glass into the pocket of the baggy cat pajamas borrowed from Mrs. Weinerheimer and followed Billbert down the stairs. Standing by the kitchen table, covered with other arcane devices, Billbert said, “Okay. Let her out.”

Mandi twisted the handle of the glass in her pocket back and forth, hesitating. Her bottom lip quivered. “Do I have to? She’s so mean to me.”

“Show Sabrina you’re better than that,” Billbert suggested. “That you’re kind.”

She pulled the magnifying glass from her pocket and looked into it.

Sabrina appeared and frowned. “Why are you guys staring at me?”

PLANET Z

Cindy woke up, sitting in a chair.
She tried to get up, but she was tied to the chair.
She looked around, some kind of dark basement.
A door opened, a man came down the stairs.
It was the singer, Chubby Checker.
And he was grinning.
“Do you want to twist again,” he said. “Like we did last summer?”
“No,” moaned Cindy. “Not again.”
She remembered the bruises. The pain.
The shame.
Checker wagged his finger.
“Come on, baby,” he said. “Just like this.”
Then he held out his hands, reached over to Cindy, and…
Cindy passed out from screaming.

• Lewie
• Lizzie
• Richard
• Tom
• Serendipidy
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

The next topic is Twist

RICHARD

Plump
“What do you think?”
As pouts go, it’s fair to say this one resembled an inflatable dinghy stuck on her face in place of a mouth.
“What on earth have you done?” I asked.
“Bee stings” she replied, “It’s new at the beauty salon for the plumpest lips ever. It is rather expensive, though.”
I asked her how much. She told me.
“You have to be joking!” I spluttered. “I can do the same, for free.”
She gave me a disbelieving look, “Go on then”.
I grabbed a handful of clothes pegs.
“Clip these on for a bit”, I said.

LIZZIE

It stings. How about this one? It stings too. But what is happening? All the dresses sting? The whole supply is ruined. Who bought the fabric? Some obscure assistant took a step forward. Where did you buy the fabric? Where?! The assistant spun around, and laughed demonically. This is revenge, she said, I should be the head designer. Now, everyone will die. She spun around again and ran away. Everyone looked stunned. The fabric was disposed of by biohazard teams. Everyone was checked at the hospital, and no one died. The financial hit was catastrophic. And that was the revenge.

LEWIE

Zip!

“What was that?” asked John, as he dodged and touched his ear lobe.

Phittt!

John looked back. Nancy was throwing clothes pegs at him from her supply.

“We are over!” she exclaimed as another low-flying peg clipped his forehead.

“Over?” John asked. “We were together?”

Another peg smacked his temple as he fell into the clotheslines.

“Wait, wait, wait! Were we really together?”

SLAP!

Nancy tightened the strings around him with more clothes pegs.

“Don’t ever tell me you’re tied up, unless I put you there,” she demanded.

“I’m tied up,” he whimpered.

“Good riddance!”

“I love you?”

“Fine.”

TOM

Döstädning

A term in Swedish: to de-clutter so your friend doesn’t have to wade through the bio-mass of your stuff. Well, that didn’t happen so armed with def-con level three cleaning supplies I enter day 7 of: The night of a Thousand CDs. I soldier on despite the cat pee. Somewhere middle pile I come across a Cd labeled: No Strings. A groundbreaking work. I figure it’s a revival production. On closer inspection it turns out to the Broadway original. I pop it in the player and I drift back to my mom’s Living room in the 60’s. Not dead yet.

NORVAL JOE

“Yes, I want you for myself,” Mandi said, turning her back on Billbert. “It stings me that I knew you first. I fell in love with you immediately when we flew together on my birthday. Then all she had to do was stick that ring on your finger, and you were hers.”

Billbert put a hand gently on her shoulder. “I do like you a lot. Probably more than Sabrina, but I don’t think we should leave her trapped in a magic magnifying glass.”

Disappointed, but resigned, Mandi said, “Okay. Let’s go down to the kitchen to let her out.”

SERENDIPIDY

I went to school with a girl who was allergic to bee stings. Just one, and she’d swell up like a balloon.
I thought it was hilarious.
My grandfather kept a number of hives and made his own honey, so I had a reliable supply of bees, which I’d collect and capture in a jar. Whenever lessons got boring, I’d release a few into class and enjoy the mayhem that followed.
I never got found out.
Which is a good thing, really.
Especially after she choked on her tongue and died on the classroom floor.
Nature can be a bitch!

PLANET Z

The new girl showed up in a full body, black cloak and black gloves that completely covered her body. The kids that sat next to her later said she smelled like a dead person. Maybe she was? A zombie reanimated and scientist put her in a third grade classroom in Paducah Kentucky. Most kids would tease and torment a kid like that, but we were raised better and smothered her with politeness and kindness. I guess all the attention caused problems because after a week she was gone. Sam say she moved. Others say her family killed her for socializing.