- Lisa
- Richard
- Thomas
- Lizzie
- Serendipidy
- Tom
- Norval Joe
- Planet Z
The next topic is PICK TWO Castle, Rules, Root, Naked in the snow, A pillow
LISA
Interview with one of the two Plane Crash Survivors
“Marie, What an experience. How did you manage to last nearly a year out there?”
“For a start we had decent bedding. The contents of people’s cases were amazing. Some real luxury treats in there. We’d made a shelter from part of the plane. Most of the fittings had come loose when it crashed so it was easy to gut it between us.”
“Your husband didn’t survive, did he?”
No, and I don’t really want to dwell on what we ate but I think things would’ve been much harder to swallow on a budget airline. Having decent cutlery really helped.
RICHARD
— Thank you for flying —
I think my budget airline of choice is taking the concept of low-cost a little too far.
I understand doing away with cases in the hold, and limiting hand luggage to a single, tiny bag.
And I can’t really quibble over inadequate legroom and lack of refreshments.
I do have concerns, now that they’re charging to use the lavatory, and seatbelts are optional extras.
And last time I flew I had to pay more, just to sit in a seat.
But now I’m drawing the line.
I refuse to supply my own elastic band and wind the propeller myself!
THOMAS
BUDGET AIRLINE
SkyGrind Airlines redefined “bare minimum.” Seats? Replaced by communal perches made of recycled truck tires. Windows? Gone. Now, laser prints glued on walls. The fuselage? A patchwork of old billboard vinyl and repurposed garden fencing.
Flight attendants were unpaid “SkyVolunteers”—contest winners too dazed to decline. Food? Trays of sandwiches… split among rows. Beverage cart? Lukewarm tap water served in jelly glasses, $3.
When the plane tilted, passengers shifted to counterbalance—“dynamic seating,” they called it. Landing gear? Yoga mats. Yet people flew SkyGrind. Why? Tickets cost less than a vending machine burrito. Comfort was a luxury. Survival, an upsell.
LIZZIE
Low cost. This is what you get. A hole on the side of the plane through which two people were sucked out. Three more held on to their seats, one of them with a hole on his head instead. “Transfer the money or else”, they said. The company chose the “or else” obviously. Now, they had to transfer a ton of money, but to the families of the deceased. One of the relatives laughed all the way to the bank. “Transfer the money or transfer the money. From low cost to premium, plus the inheritance, that’s how you do business.”
SERENDIPIDY
So, there you are, enjoying the in-flight entertainment, complementary drink and snacks, congratulating yourself on ditching the budget airline and splashing out on this particular trip.
Until there’s a shudder and sudden sickening drop. The engines start to scream, along with the passengers, oxygen masks drop from the ceiling, and the plane plunges towards the ground.
Then, over the tannoy, you hear the captain’s calm, reassuring voice: “Brace for impact!”
By the way, I’m the captain on this flight, and the reason I’m so calm is because I have a parachute.
Happy landings… I’ll see you on the ground!
NORVAL JOE
His mother took the phone from Billbert’s hand. “Hello. I’m June Weinerheimer and a woman from Child Health and Welfare took Sabrina Hecksaohos from our home to place her with a foster family. May I speak with the supervisor?”
“I’m sorry. Ms. Pickenpaw took a budget airline flight to Mexico a week ago and hasn’t been heard from since. According to privacy policy, only she can give you any information.”
Billbert took his phone when his mother disconnected. “I know where Mandi lives. I’m going to look for her.”
His mother nodded. “I’ll do what I can to find Sabrina.”
TOM
Come Fly With Me
Lenny had just made it to junior partner at Wilcons Spencer and Dakmen. He walking into the room with an air of absolute conviction that he had found the secret sauce that would save Budget airlines. The founder of the airline Slim Walker the third laid his gaze on Lenny. It was the sort of extractive gaze that only the hyper wealth got mustard at will. Lenny returned it will a firm: yup I got your back old man. With that he revealed centerpiece of the new ad campaign: Fly Subterranean Airlines, It’s like you never left the ground.
PLANET Z
Back in The Eighties, there was this airline called Peoples Express. They would collect money or credit card receipts on the plane. There weren’t any movies I think, nothing fancy, and you had to pay for a Coke or peanuts or a small sandwich or whatever. This was after having flown American and United a few times where they gave that stuff away, and had movies and music, so it felt really cheap and miserable. You know, like how things are now with American and United and all those other airlines out there flying and upcharge for everything you want.