The Chronoscope allows you to peer back in time.
Just set the coordinates and activate the viewer bridge.
The probe manifests in the past as a small bubble for an infinitely brief period of time.
For safety reasons, the probe cannot scroll forward or backward in time.
This would risk damaging the probe, which would flash forward in time as a catastrophic energy wave.
I show my students so many historical moments, but most of all, they want to see trees and grass and rivers.
Back before the energy wave burned the world, while we watched from Lunar Base One.
Denise was a smart kid in a poor school district.
Every year, money went to the football team.
Instead of textbooks, science labs, and other academic resources.
Because colleges wanted athletes, not students.
For AP classes, Denise took a bus across town to the rich kids’ school.
Up early, home late.
Studying, while everyone else was at the game.
For years, she bred dandelions in her back yard.
Carefully selecting the toughest weeds, with the deepest roots.
And spread their seeds on the football field.
They quickly crowded out the grass.
Even when the district re-sodded, it came up weeds.
In the old days, you hiked for days to reach the mountain, and climbed it to reach The Wise Man’s hut.
Now, you can ride the 7 bus from Downtown, which takes you to the Visitor Center, where you can buy a daypass for the cable car, shop at the gift shop, or dine at one of three restaurants.
The Wise Man’s Casino and Ski Resort, managed by Hilton, hosts several self-help seminars a day, and runs the best rollercoasters in the world.
I found The Wise Man and asked him for advice.
“Try the veal,” he said. “It’s great.”
Jack was a force of nature. He passed award six years ago. Amazing how time just sails by. I don’t think about him as often as I should. That once vibrant inter action has become a frozen dialogue and all the memories have calcified. His daughters grew into amazing young women and his wife Linda returned to a career in nursing. What I missed most about Jack was whenever you were with him it was the Jack and YOU Show. You could feel the world spin around you. I was brighter, funnier and faster than the speed of light.
Home sweet home, Jack thought. The day was coming to an end and no one knew where he was. His caravan was his home, at least the home he loved. The place was not much to look at. It desperately needed a bit of paint. The door was gone. That was a long story. However, he was home. When the snake decided to nestle in his bed, Jack wished he had a door. As a result, he spent the night pointing a lamp at the non-existent door and thinking of snake patterns to paint on the side of his caravan.
In many ways, my holiday abroad got off to a pretty bad start, and all because of a silly slip of the tongue. Up until then, everything had been as smooth as clockwork: Check in was a breeze, no problems at security, and the flight took off on time.
It was only after the seatbelt sign went off that things took a downward turn.
I heard my name shouted down the plane: “Richard! Fancy seeing you here! What are the chances?”
It was my best mate from years before! Then stupidly, without thinking, I shouted back to him…
I enjoy those silly puns around names, in fact that’s how I selected my latest batch of victims and the manner in which I despatched them…
What do you call a man with a car on his head?’
What do you call a man with a spade in his skull?
And what do you call a guy tied up, underwater?
What do you call a woman hanging from a church spire?
But, I’m running out of puns, and lots of victims to go.
So if you’ve suggestions for Tom, Lizzie, Richard, Joe and Laurence…
“Spring-heeled Jack versus Jack the Ripper!” said the poster under the street lamp. “For one night only!”
“It doesn’t mention the venue,” said my date. “Leave that to me,” I said suavely, and led her down a dark alleyway. At an unmarked door shrouded in darkness I gave a secret knock. There was a click, and the door yielded to my hand. An attendant showed us to my private box.
I hoped my date would enjoy seeing a genetically enhanced fighting cock pitted against a feral cat. And if not, this place has a way of disposing of inconvenient people.
Billbert, Wanda, and Linoliumanda walked toward the door to the cafeteria
“How would someone weaponize my superpower? It’s not like I have laser vision and can burn through walls or anything,” Billbert asked under his breath, suddenly concerned about everyone around him.
Wanda hooked her arm around Billbert’s and pulled him closer. “You obviously don’t know jack about the the FBI, CIA, and secret services.
“You’re right,” Billbert said. “If you know jack, maybe you should introduce us.”
Wanda laughed, though her eyes were serious. “You know the saying, I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.”
When Jack King was planning his business, he pondered what to use as a logo.
Would it be a jack playing card or a king playing card?
Why choose at all? He could use both, right?
And then there were the four suits to choose from.
Jack took a long time to think things through.
He checked domain names and available social media account names, but all of the variants were taken already.
Jack then put on a wig, some makeup, and called himself Queen Jackie King.
That was available. But it didn’t much help his fledgling mancave construction business.
A warning message appeared on my television.
Comcast detected an old cable box, so I ordered new equipment.
When it arrived, I emptied the boxes, laid out the components, and read the instructions.
Then I uninstalled the old equipment and installed the new.
It took a while to work through all of the menus and settings, but after an hour, it was all ready.
The final step was to pack up the old equipment and ship it back to Comcast.
But by then, the cats were sleeping in the boxes.
I’ll pack it all up and ship it next week.
I’ve bought a lot of cat toys over the years.
They were all a waste of money.
One of the silliest was a catnip-infused soap water to make bubbles with.
Instead of the cats catching the scent of the bubbles and chasing them, they’d just sit there and ignore the bubbles.
Or, I’d blow the bubbles into the cat’s face, and they’d run from the annoying wet onslaught on their whiskers.
“What’s wrong with you idiots?” I’d groan at the cats.
If the cats could talk, they’d ask the same of me, paying for this soapy water instead of treats.
At low tide, the lighthouse keeper could walk from the lighthouse to the shore in order to pick up supplies. At high tide, the lighthouse was completely isolated from the shore.
Insulated cables carried power to the spotlight and the lighthouse keeper’s cabin.
The toilet emptied directly into the sea.
When he was drunk, the lighthouse keeper enjoyed climbing up the stairs to the spotlight and pissing over the rail into the sea.
This wasn’t a problem when the skies were clear and the winds were calm. However, when there was a storm, he always regretted pissing into the wind.
Our baby. Our baby is coming.
Our baby is here.
Our baby was born without kidneys.
She lived for an hour.
In that hour, we held her. We called her beautiful.
We prayed. We prayed a lot.
We had her baptized. A splash of water by the priest.
And we held her some more, and told her that we loved her.
Then, before we realized it, she was dead.
We held her for a while longer, said our goodbyes, and the nurses took her away.
How long, I don’t know.
Should she never have born?
Just scraped away?
The Simpsons premiered while I was in college.
We’d watch the episodes together in groups.
I watched it for a few seasons.
Then, I kinda lost track of the show.
There’s video tape, DVD, Blu-Ray, and online collections, but I never bought any of them.
Years later, our cable provider offered free on-demand streaming of some shows.
Well, it’s free with the cable subscription.
Among the crappy shows these days, there it is: The Simpsons.
After all these years, it’s still going.
I connect my laptop to the television and start the treadmill.
Who says you can never go back?