Category: My stories

There were a lot of Jeff’s in my class. Some of them spell their name differently, but they were all pronounced Jeff. Every one. At first, the teacher tried to go by their last names, but their parents complained. And all the other classes had at least one Jeff. So, the teacher quit and pursued their musical ambitions, joined the band and they signed a Record deal and tour and made it pretty big. They almost won a Grammy for one of their albums. In their liner notes, they dedicate their first album to all the Jeffs in the world..

Last winter, Fred Pearson drove his smartcar off the road and into a snowbank during a blizzard, snapping his neck and killing him, and the car was completely covered up. The highway road crews never noticed a thing .The car went into sleep mode, preserving the battery .For three months, he was reported as missing. When the snow started to melt, his car powered back up and resumed the trip on its own. It pulled into Fred’s driveway with his oddly thawed corpse .the Car having turned on the heater when it sense the cabin had suddenly gone dangerously cold.

Robert Hill is one of my best friends. He comes from England. But when he came over here, he like to be called Robert Mountain. I asked him why. he said back home mountains have to be 2000 feet or higher while in the United States and other places typically the threshold is 1000 feet. Which I suppose is an interesting fact, I mean after all, he is 1500 feet tall. Whatever you call him, make sure that when you meet at a bar, everybody pays for their own drinks. I made that mistake once. I’m still paying for it.

By the time, Jackie was six, he was playing the pipe organ at the downtown Cathedral. A miracle a musical prodigy. They called him everything when he got to high school, he wanted to join the marching band, but how do you march with a pipe organ? Well, somehow, Jackie managed it, and it was like Phantom of the opera out there on the field at halftime. People came to the games just to hear him play, but when halftime was over, they’d all stream for the exits. The football team was kind of crap. Jackie graduated, and left town.

After every storm, the crews come out with their chainsaws and their big trucks and they chop up and move any trees and branches that fall on the road. And there are guys that go from house to house knocking on doors. And for a few days or a few weeks there’s a few chopped up trunks over the bike paths or the curbs and a few cherry pickers in yards trimming those branches that should’ve been trimmed back years ago. By the time things are cleaned up, and the roads are clear, the forecast calls for yet another storm.

Raul was the life of the party. He led the room with music, singing, dancing, drinking, and merriment. He kept the party going. And then, when he was tired, he grabbed his coat, scarf, and cane, and gave a loud cheer as he walked out the door. Music, singing, dancing, and everything stopped. Everyone just stood there staring. All the life was gone from the party as Raul left, then came a knock at the door, it was Raul. The party started back up, but he said I forgot my hat. He put it on and left, the party stopped.

Back in the day, Pops played for state. The thing is, he can’t tell you which state. And it turns out there’s more than just state universities and colleges. Lots of places end in state. He can’t even tell you what he played. He just knows he got knocked around a lot, ran a bunch, hit a few things with something. Probably his head, he jokes, and then stares off in the distance like he does. We called around and sent emails, but nobody will confirm it. he doesn’t have a diploma, he never graduated, considering his awful brain damage

The school had lots of tennis courts, but Edgar didn’t like tennis. There were two full-size gyms, but Edgar wasn’t in a basketball either. There was a running track around an immaculately kept football field with a huge scoreboard, but Edgar didn’t do either. The two swimming pools had no appeal, and multiple baseball on softball diamonds weren’t of interest. The varsity, junior, varsity, and practice soccer fields or full every year, but Edgar never went out for any of those. And yet, he lettered all four years. Nobody knew what he lettered in, the jacket still fit really snazzily.

It’s kinda hard to compete in soap box racing when you live in a flat village. No hills, not even a high road or overpass. The kids of Doris, Indiana went to the next town over to try out their vehicles on Carson Street. It didn’t have much of an incline, and it was not quite long enough for regulation. And it ended in Parson McPherson‘s driveway. He put up a bunch of hay bales in front of his garage for the kids who didn’t have brakes on their cars. Eventually, Doris rigged up a track using high school bleachers..

Darwin runs the outpost in the pipeline sector. He jokingly calls the tavern, the best beer in town. He brews his own out back, and it’s pretty bad. And he makes the absolute worst pizza to go with it. I mean, the dough and the sauce and cheese it makes you nostalgic for that horrible sheet pizza they made in the cafeteria at school. If you don’t like it, he says, he points out the door. The next town is more than a week hike through the snow. We all laugh. This is why I have whiskey flown in monthly.