Category: Guest Authors

Speech

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It’s time for a speech by Jim S. the Folderman…

Satisfied, I stepped back from the podium. The speech had gone well enough. Well, better than could be expected, considering the ugly circumstances which made it necessary.
It was never easy to personally deliver one’s swansong and I’d done the best I could. Now the rest was in other hands.
At the bottom of the steps, my faithful secretary waited.
“Good speech, sir.” She said, “but not good enough…”
Snapping out of my brooding, I looked up and was greeted by the discharge from her gun.
DAMN! I knew it was coming, but I NEVER thought it would be her!

Footie

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Andrew Ian Dodge is into feet? No, he’s into footies… um… what’s a footie?

Sitting here alone & bored
I am footie husband
Sitting here in Peckham
As the wife drools over Beckham
Sitting here going all loony
Watching her crave Roony
I am into rock and roll
Not watching boys with a balls
Hanging out jamming a tune
Wanting England to end their run
Give me back my lover
My footie mad womin
Please let it be over
So’I can git some lovin
Not another nineteen-sixty-six
Would put us in a fix
She maxed the cards out
Now we have nowt
England please lose it
England please lose it
Don’t score no more

Judenhassery

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Red Ken Livingstone is back at it again…

Mayor Ken is in trouble again for judenhassery. This time he suggested Jewish property developing brothers, the Reubens, whom he dislikes, go to Iran. And we all know Iran is a place where they are such big fans of Israel and the Jews they want to wipe them off face of the earth. The Mayor wants land the Reuben brothers own and they refuse to sell for what he wants to pay. Oh yes, and unlike last time where he was recorded on a rubbish tape-recorder, this time he made his anti-Jew comments in front of a press conference.

Mad

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Jim S. answers the people who wonder why he is so mad…

Why are you so mad?
For some reason, people ask me that all the time.
It could be the steady diet of gansta rap, heavy metal and punk rock. You see; nothing gets done without music and most if it is from those genres.
Nah.
It could be my childhood and the fact that my mother and I were at each other’s throats most of it. I AM a middle child after all.
Definitely not.
It’s the fact that I’m a thinking man and I can’t withstand the day-to-day barrage of dum-dums. It’s more than a mere mortal can take.

Goodbye Gordon

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Andrew Ian Dodge goes through the latest and last budget from Gordon Brown…

Gordon Brown, our Chancellor, has delivered his 10th and probably final budget to the House of Commons this afternoon. Overall it was nothing radical or cutting edge. There was sticking it to SUV drivers (Chelsea tractors) but not much else. What was most radical in this prudent budget was the handouts to athletes both current and future. These handouts to jocks almost totalled half a billion pounds. Now were the NHS and the state pension system in good shape this might be justified. But wasting taxpayers hard-earned money on over-pampered athletes is just taking the piss (non-steroid laced of course).

Iceberg

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Ah, yes. The power of love. Jim S. floats around with it for a bit…

The iceberg came into view around the box. After floating helplessly in the icy water for the last two hours, he’d finally floated around the box to view the gigantic chunk of rock and ice. Due to his numerous injuries, he’d been unable to propel himself around the supply box. Only the icy water that numbed him had kept him from losing consciousness from the pain.
Incredibly, he recognized the beauty of the moment. Sure, only two hours ago, he’d been warm in his bed with his wife.
As he floated over, he came face-to-face with his wife’s decapitated body.

Garbage

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You know, I’ve done this myself, but never had the courage to admit it. Jim S. is more courageous than me…

When we bought the house, there was no storm door on the frame in the back of the house. As a housewarming and Christmas gift, her aunt had given us a gift card just for the purpose. I had some time to do it tomorrow and I had to go buy the door at the Home Depot.
An orange card glued to a cardboard folder would be awfully hard to misplace, wouldn’t it? Not for my wife. She had managed to throw it in the garbage!
That’s the reason I’m rooting through garbage bags instead of shopping for storm doors.

Funding

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Andrew Ian Dodge takes a look at funding in England…

UK scandals: now its funding of political parties. For those who don’t know Blair & Co had a slush fund that the treasurer of the party didn’t know about…it had about £15 mil in it. Typical new Labour reaction…”we”, ( ie: all parties), are all to blame. There are suggestions that taxpayers fund the political parties: akin to £3 on your yearly tax . The reason they want this, of course, is so they can limit/eliminate money to non-standard parties: outside the main three. This would hurt parties like UKIP (on the right) and RESPECT (Galloway’s mob) on the left.

Blood Is Life

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Jim S. the Folderman takes a comment from an introduction and examines it for a bit…

It’s all about the stories. That’s what I heard Laurence say on a recent podcast..
It made me think of a line from a series of stories I used to read by Anne Rice; “The Blood Is The Life.”
I’m not sure WHY I thought of that line, but I did. I started to write a poem based on “It’s about the stories,” but after writing it, I realized that I can’t EVEN write poetry. I’ll leave that to Andrew.
The blood is the life and the stories are the point. A good analogy, if I do say so myself.

Retort

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Andrew Ian Dodge responds to Jim S. The Folderman’s earlier taunt…

Alas, I think Jim makes a valid point. Course it ain’t that unusual; this problem. I often hear, via my music biz sources, that something neat is coming along the pike; only to find the local record store completely unaware of the release. Quite often there is quite a time lag between when something is supposed to be released and shows up so you can buy it. iTunes has the EP; but it can take up to 2 months to get it into the system. Doncha just love the “digital age” and the internet? Oh, iTunes aren’t the slowest either.