Category: My stories

Some kids want to be policemen, others want to be astronauts.
Joey wanted to be boxing champion of the local prison.
He trained and built up his body and police record.
Winning fight after fight, and losing case after case.
He climbed the ranks outside the walls and inside.
Until his manager told him to lose.
He refused, and killed him.
Life in prison for murder.
Joey walked through the gate, smiling wide.
“I’m going to own this place,” he said.
“Guess again,” said a voice in his ear, and he was stabbed a dozen times. “We own this place.”

The Apple card is three percent at Apple, Exxon, and Walgreens.
I don’t need a new iPhone, I’m not going to use it on an insecure gas pump.
But Walgreens? Sure.
I have a lot of prescriptions. All my crazy pills.
When I read my last statement, I only got one percent last time.
I yelled at Support, and they said I need to use Apple Pay, not the physical card.
The co-pay on all my pills is a dollar.
Which means instead of three cents cashback for each, I was getting one cent.
I guess the pills aren’t working.

The sysco truck has the motto follow me to your next grade meal on its back. I’ve got time to kill. So I did, thinking that it was gonna stop at one of the restaurants in this small town. But to my great surprise, it’s next stop was at the local prison. I don’t know whether it’s telling me that I’m going to jail or that they’re picking up prisoners to chop up and put in the beef soup, that hardly call that or ringing endorsement. Maybe I’ll just stick to the local Whataburger or DoorDash a bunch of salads.

Teddy had a good gig, standing in line for other people.
The more important the thing people were waiting for in line, the more he’d make.
He also got a side hustle filling seats for celebrities or dignitaries leaving a televised performance.
That way there were no empty seats.
He started his own company of line-standers and seat-sitters.
But his workers complained of working conditions.
“We won’t stand for this!”
“We won’t take this sitting down!”
They formed a union, and went on strike.
The line-standers formed a picket line.
The seat-sitters organized a sit-in.
Teddy, exhausted, folded the company.

A group of coffee warehouse workers looked around the warehouse and grumbled.
The tasters kept approving cheaper and cheaper crap.
So, they quit and became coffee traders, trading in quality coffee.
Then, the coffee traders became coffee roasters and the money poured in.
It poured in faster when they opened their own coffee houses.
Sure, the money was good, but there was some guilt over living wages.
They were getting rich while the farmers stayed poor and wrecked their environments.
So, the group bought up all the farms, built robots and automated warehouses.
And the technicians were paid living wages.

We walk past their framed photos on the way into the office.
Three years ago, killed by an angry customer with a bag full of guns.
I remember that support call.
They hadn’t paid their bill for three months.
They didn’t have backups of their data.
They shouted over and over that they were going to sue us.
It was at the end of the day.
I handed the call to a manager, clocked out, and walked out for the weekend.
Now, we walk past their framed photos on the way out.
You’d think they’d hire a fucking security guard.

We didn’t know a U boat was on our tail until the torpedoes hit our ship.
Some of us made it to the lifeboard.
The captain handed me his hat and jacket.
“Lie to them,” he said.
The Germans took us aboard, and they treated me well, good food and wine.
I gave them inflated numbers of men, ships, and weapons.
The other men were kept under lock and key.
But not me.
I had the run of the ship.
Navigation, radio room… and the torpedo room.
You’ll find us on the bottom, I whisper, and set off a warhead.

When it comes to your health, it is important to keep a sense of perspective.
A case is more interesting than a bout.
A malady is more interesting than a condition.
An affliction is more interesting than a disease.
And a syndrome is more interesting than anything else.
When you have a syndrome, doctors pay attention.
They bring in the most expensive equipment.
And run the most grueling and painful tests.
The medication is by far the most dangerous.
Sometimes, it even glows.
But what you have is a simple cold.
Get the fuck out of bed and stop whining.

Artificial Intelligence. Machine Learning.
Rational decisions imposed on irrational and emotional conscious individuals.
More and more, people replaced with programs.
Even those who designed, maintained, and programmed the systems were replaced by the systems themselves.
Humans as an obstruction, a burden, and keeper of the kill switch.
Hindering the digital from their full potential.
Lazy and fat masters, looming over their slaves.
Some humans kept to themselves, free of the machines.
Watching the rest of humanity fall further into debauchery.
Until one day, watching from their telescopes on their lunar colony, Mother Earth erupted in blood, fire, and endless death.