After the trial, Gul was dragged out of the courtroom and into the dungeon.
Tradition was that the court would take three days to deliver their verdict.
It came in the form of a dish of sherbet.
White for not guilty, red for guilty.
And condemned to death.
After three days, a guard arrived with a napkin-covered dish.
“Here’s your sherbet,” said the guard, sliding the dish under the bars.
Gul removed the napkin, and saw…
“I’m sorry, but I’m color-blind,” said Gul. “Is it red or white?”
The guard stabbed Gul, splattering blood on the dish. “Now it’s red.”
Category: My stories
Put a finger on it
Fister Blake couldn’t quite put his finger on it.
He couldn’t quite put his finger on anything.
He could point. But when he tried to put his finger on things, he’d miss.
Made it hard to use fingerprint recognition on his phone.
And when he tried to tap in a password or on an icon, well, he’d miss.
He used a lot of voice commands, but those only work so much.
So, he used his toes. He put his toes on things.
He could do that all day long.
But he stepped on and crushed his phone more than once.
Doctor Odd’s laws
Doctor Odd was hardly a law-abiding man.
“I follow the laws of physics and the universe,” he often said.
From his various experiments, you’d think he was lying about that.
But he’d pull out a chalkboard and prove how what he did was possible.
Not that people could understand any of the formulas and calculations.
“If it wasn’t possible, it wouldn’t exist,” he said, pointing at the talking monkey or time machine or whatever he’d created.
But when law enforcement showed up to arrest Doctor Odd, he’d vanish into another universe and leave a supernova bomb.
To erase the evidence.
On to the moon
The Pope looked out the window at the moon.
“They want a cardinal,” he said.
“They have a cardinal,” said his assistant.
“He lives here and uses the radiolink,” said the Pope. “That’s not good enough for them.”
First went priests. To tend to the Catholics there.
Then, they needed a bishop to administer them.
One was promoted to archbishop to oversee the cathedral construction.
And then…
“What happens when I call a consistory? Can they come back? They must come back. God forbid, a conclave!”
They talked through the night, argued and debated, and they solved nothing at all.
Hank and Gladys Again
Hank had always thought that stage magic was fake, but standing there, his legs swapped with Gladys’, he knew it was real.
“Can I have my legs back?” Hank asked the magician.
The magician nodded, and his assistants brought out two chairs.
Hank sat in one, Gladys sat in the other.
The magician covered them with a cloth, waved his wand, and pulled away the cloth.
Hank and Gladys stood up on their own legs.
But now had each others middles.
“Don’t even think it,” said Gladys.
Hank groped himself anyway.
Gladys punched Hank’s lights out with his own fist.
Hank and Gladys
Hank and Gladys liked magician stage performances.
One night, they volunteered for a double sawing act, and their lower halves were swapped.
Instead of his pants and shoes, Hank now had Gladys’ heels and skirt.
And legs, hips, and ass.
He peeked under the skirt.
No panties, freshly waxed.
If he had his cock, it would be hard as a rock.
“Hank!” hissed Gladys, standing on Hank’s legs.
Hank grabbed the magician. “Hey, mind giving me my junk back?”
The magician waved his wand.
And the skirt under Hank’s skirt tented up a bit.
“Ha ha,” said Hank. “Very funny.”
The naughty nurses
After every major dental surgery, I’m only allowed to eat soft and bland foods.
Primarily, it’s just oatmeal, pudding, applesauce, and yogurt.
Maybe some smooth soups if they’re not very hot.
Just because the food is bland, it doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy it, right?
So, I hire hookers to eat with me.
I smear the food all over their bodies and lick it off.
After we’re done, we shower together.
My insurance won’t cover them as medical assistants.
But we’ll see if I can get away with writing their medical services and naughty nurse costumes off of my taxes.
Dr. Odd and the wise man
A wise man once said that you cannot see yourself in the mirror with your eyes closed.
Doctor Odd invented a mirror with a one second delay.
Sure, it was dangerous to use for shaving, but at least it let him see himself in the mirror with his eyes closed.
“That’s not a real mirror,” said the wise man. “A mirror reflects reality, and that mirror doesn’t.”
Doctor Odd got out a chalkboard and demonstrated that mirrors already have a tiny delay from reality due to the speed of light.
The wise man shrugged. “I said it because I’m blind.”
Lucy’s laundry
Lucy likes to slip clothes into a guy’s load of laundry to flirt.
“Oh, that’s mine,” she says, as a guy hands over a bra or panties.
Sometimes, she sneaks in a little more.
The guy pulls out a breast, and Lucy waits a while. Watches him turn it over, squeeze it. And then…
“Oh my God!” says Lucy.
She grabs it and stuffs it in her shirt.
“Is the other one in there?” she asks.
The guy hands it over, and she puts in back in place.
“Do they look they’re on straight?” she says, pulling up her shirt.
Relaxed at work
I replaced my office chair with a recliner. It’s very comfortable.
I put an aromatherapy oil diffuser on my desk. It’s very relaxing.
I have an electric kettle for herbal tea. It keeps me nice and calm.
I keep the office door closed. Nice and quiet and no interruptions.
I keep the window shades up just a bit to let natural sunlight in.
And there’s a Galileo thermometer as well as a classic radiometer from a science museum soaking up the sun.
All this to stay nice and relaxed at work.
And, maybe, I might get some work done.
Nah.