Category: Weekly Challenge

Weekly Challenge #883 – PICK TWO Cracked pavement, Double dip, Goth, Educator, Overheating, Metrics

The next weekly challenge topic is: Shenanigans

RICHARD

Meltdown

According to the computer metrics, the core was overheating.

Sirens blared and warning lights strobed amber, steam filled the corridors, escaping from valves never intended to cope with critical pressures.

Frantic telephone calls were made by panic-stricken men, beaded with sweat, while others ran from terminal to terminal, frantically typing commands to abort.

In the lower levels, grim-faced engineers donned protective suits and masks, knowing their fate was sealed.

I hit the pause button, and made my way to the kitchen for another cold beer.

I should have chosen a comedy. Disaster movies are just too damn predictable.

LIZZIE

The guy dressed in black, black eyeliner, black nail polish, black moon tattooed on his cheek.
“Metrics,” he said.
I didn’t understand what metrics had to do with the tattoo.
“Measures of quantitative assessment,” he said.
I had questions.
The fireplace in the gazebo illuminated the cracked pavement.
“Beautiful,” he said.
For a moment, I thought he meant me. I looked frantically in all directions, assessing my quantitative measures of evasion.
He meant the moon.
This wasn’t going well, I had to admit.
Did he even notice I was there? Cracked pavement… Beautiful… More like a cracked brain, in black.

TOM

Blue Collar Blues

My Dad had many jobs in his life. But he had one job most of his life. He was four years old when Social Security was created and through those many different employments accrued the magic 40 quarters to qualify. Never got a penny of it. Government considered it double dipping. The years in the post office wiped it away. What can you do. Follow in my father’s footsteps I had many jobs and one job most of my life. I was an Educator for 20 years. My highest wage never went into Social Security. Screw from a different direction.

As to Reason for My Absence

Jim and I started podcasting in Aug. of 2005. Started with three shows a week. At my peek was doing seven a week did that for three years. I also had a play list of about 15 weekly podcasts. If I was going to add one more to the list it had to be short, way short. What could be short that a story only 100 words long. That is how I found Mr. Simon’s podcast. I had not intention of sending in a story, I came to listen. Well challenge #16 was the first one I tried. I’ve posted just north of 1000 stories.

SERENDIPIDY

Edward was a typical goth. He habitually dressed in black, with lots of chains, wore dark make-up, avoided the sun, and hung around on street corners acting terminally morose.

Even so, I had the hots for him but, as far as he was concerned, I didn’t even exist.

I tried so hard to get his attention, but still I may as well have been invisible, and eventually, I stopped making the effort.

But not before I’d pounded him into a pulp for daring to ignore me.

You can still see the cracked pavement from where I smashed his skull in.

NORVAL JOE

Billbert squeezed Samantha’s shoulders again. “I know you can do it. Bring in a tornado.”
As he said it, a massive tornado appeared over the trees. Picking up pine needles and other debris it dipped down just in front of the cabin, hopped over it, dipped again and spun away toward the mountains.
“You missed it,” Billbert shouted.
“I’m trying. I’m trying,” Sabrina cried as another tornado twisted toward the cabin. Her shoulders were growing warm against Billbert’s palms and as the cabin’s roof pulled away exposing all inside, Sabrina dropped to the ground, her face red and burning hot.

PLANET Z

Workers dug up the sidewalk because of a broken water pipe.
It took a day to fix, and there’s cones and warning tape around the hole in the walkway tonight.
People walking their dogs, not picking up the shit.
I saw a guy looking at his cell phone, his dog pulls him the wrong way, and he goes through the warning tape and into the hole.
An ambulance came… and he’s on the phone, screaming he’s going to sue.
“He’s so full of shit,” I tell a cop, “It’s his fault.”
And the cop takes down my number for later.

Weekly Challenge #882 – BLOCK

The next weekly challenge topic is: Cracked pavement, Double dip, Goth, Educator, Overheating, Metrics

NOTE: WordPress on this provider is having some issues with posting on a schedule. I’ll add Publish to my daily to-do list to see if I can get these up more reliably, okay?

LISA

He Just Wanted a Friend.

He’d been sat building a tower when his Mum noticed it wasn’t very tall. She asked where his other blocks were but he didn’t answer. She was used to that. He was a very quiet child.

Three decades later following a long police surveillance operation their garden was excavated. They found twenty five Duplo blocks with names scratched into them. In the same corner of the garden they revealed twenty five cat skeletons.

All the other remains they unearthed were human. The newspapers suggested that due to the high volume discovered the identification process was expected to take considerable time.

RICHARD

Adblock

I’m a big fan of ad blocking software. I can’t do much about the advertising drivel that I’m subjected to on TV, radio, junk mail and every available surface wherever I go outdoors, but when I surf the web, it’s a haven of commercial-free joy.

Well, mostly: Some manage to sneak through the net, it’s a constant battle trying to keep up with every new intrusion.

That’s why I think it’s high time to block those responsible for the ads… Web designers, advertising consultants, and the companies who pay for the damn things.

With bullets, and bombs, if necessary!

LIZZIE

The signal is blocked. We can’t get through. I’m leaving this note. There’s food for five days. After that… I don’t know. I’m in my bunker. Perhaps we won’t need food for five days. I go out at night to get my share from the warehouse. They hand it over through a small window. I never talk to anyone. I tried waving hello, but no one waved back. Now, when I see someone else, I cross the street and walk away. By the way, if I don’t make it, they’re all in the Mayor’s pool. And no, they’re not swimming.

TOM

Basically Flat and Straight

In Chicago, a “city block” has a very specific definition—660 feet. 8 “city blocks” equal one mile. The numbering reflects this in that at the beginning of each city block, the numbering increases by 100. Chicago Ave. is 800 and 8 city blocks (a mile north) of that is North Ave. at 1600 N. New York does not have a uniform system like this, thus New Yorks sucks. Tell me any two addresses in Chicago and I can tell you their distance apart in miles. Show me any two blocks in summer and I tell there is a Block Party.

SERENDIPIDY

It’s always tough being the new kid on the block: You have to be thick-skinned, hard-headed and prepared to fight.

Some might say I took it all a little too seriously, and fought a little too hard, but I’ve never been a pushover, and I don’t put up with any nonsense.

I wasn’t the new kid for long, I made sure of that and soon I was running, not just the block, but the whole neighbourhood.

I did it for all new kids on the block, everywhere.

Such a shame then, that there’s no kids left here, now.

NORVAL JOE

Billbert settled himself and Sabrina down in the firs and ferns a hundred yards away from the cabin. He turned to her. “Come on Sabrina, use your imagination. I’ve seen on the weather channel where a tornado comes down a city block and only takes the roof off of one house and left the others in tact.”
Sabrina scowled. “I’m not that good.”
Billbert took her by the shoulders and turned her toward the cabin. “You said that I increase your powers.” He squeezed gently. “Use my help for some surgical accuracy.”
Sabrina closed her eyes and raised her hands.

PLANET Z

We had everything we needed on our block.
The school, the grocer, the pharmacy with the soda fountain counter, and the general store.
Dr. Lefferts had his office in his house. The dentist had his office in his house.
City Hall and the courthouse were on the other side of the town square and park.
If you wanted to go to the city, the train stopped at the station four times a day.
The city grew, until it surrounded us.
Things changed, and they got worse. Department stores, and crime.
The fences and gates on the other street got tallers.

Weekly Challenge #881 – TOGETHER

The next weekly challenge topic is: Block

SCRIBBLING WREN

Mum Saves the Day

Paul had anticipated most things so was always half expecting the knock on the door from the police apparently today investigating a missing local girl.

They showed him a picture of Sally, who was currently tied up in his spare room.

“No sorry, never seen her.”

A woman shouted from inside his house and the Officers stepped forward together, knowing they’d got the creepy bastard at last.

“Paul! I think I’ve shat meself.”

He looked embarrassed.

“Sorry, I’m Mum’s carer, I think she needs me.”

Paul closed the door, let the tape recorder play a while longer before hitting stop.

RICHARD

Fidelity

“Really? You spent the night together in the same bed with your secretary, and nothing happened? Nothing?”

“I had no choice, darling. They’d booked us into the same room by mistake. I promise you, nothing happened, except sleep.”

She gave me a hard stare.

“It never happens again. Right!”

I nodded. She knew I wasn’t lying – she always knew when I lied, it was like a sixth sense. I was telling the truth, and she knew it.

Frankly, after sex in the shower, on the balcony, and against the wall, when we got into bed, all we wanted was sleep!

LIZZIE

The string of lights reminded me of you.
It reminded me of those days we spent in the cinema parking lot, next to the industrial fan, barely able to hear each other.
The string of lights reminded me of you and me.
It reminded me of the shouted out tunes that were just laughter.
It reminded me of when our fingers touched by mistake and we didn’t know what to do.
Did you say “I love you”?
The string of lights reminded me of us.
The cinema is now gone but I can still hear that silent I love you.

TOM

Can I bring my friend to tea?

Since I am old, I remember a time before the Beatles. Before was pretty much street corner crooning. Well and motor town and actually Mississippi blue, well all that, but the Beatles got so big they could record just about anything they wanted. Case in point: All together now. Not exactly Wagner there. Being in the States I don’t get that Music Hall Vib. After a dozen pints I bet it is a riot. Chop the tree, sail the boat, look at me. Ok, I’m smiling. Guess after 50 years it has succeeded cause we are still all together now.

Now, The Reason For My Absence.

It’s been near half a year, but I can barely acknowledge my oldest friend’s death. So, it is a bit hard to work him into this length explanation. We could go back 40 years, but that would be way too much plot expo. Let’s land on Podcasting. Jim, God rest his soul, said he was listening to a podcast of two kids from Wisconsin talk shit for 45 mins. I said, I don’t have a Ipod. Sorry got to hit pause here. I had no idea I was about to be answering that question regularly for the next two full years.

SERENDIPIDY

‘Together, forever’

I traced the words with my finger, carved all those years ago, when I thought that our love would always endure.

It didn’t.

He lied.

However, I kept my promise, and when he tried to walk away from me, I broke his legs. I cut out his tongue to stifle his curses, and chained him in the cellar, where he remains grovelling to this day.

I know he hates me with a passion, and I certainly no longer love him, but a promise is a promise, and together, forever, we will remain.

Whether we like it, or not.

NORVAL JOE

Had Billbert and Sabrina not been zooming above the treetops, they would have skidded to a stop. Instead, they hung together in the air as Billbert considered what the old man had said.
“They still have Linoliamanda. We have to do something, Sabrina. Can you bring a wind to knock their house down?”
Obviously Sabrina was not as comfortable hanging out fifty feet above the ground as her fingers gouged Billbert’s arm where she gripped it.
“Remember, Lillywanda is in the cabin, too. And, any wind strong enough to level the building would also blow us out of the air.

JRADIMUS

Another Productive Meeting

“Welcome, All. Have a seat. Quickly, please. We’re short on time. If you’re wondering why I called this meeting – it means you didn’t read the agenda in the invite.”

“Come on, Frank. Knock it off. You do this every time. Just get on with it already.”

“Listen, Little Mike – I say it every time, because everyone always asks what the meeting is about. So if you want me to stop doing this, read the agenda. With that out of the way, I’ll “get on with it”: Item one, Safety-”

A whistle blows. “Shift change!”

“Wait! I just started… Damn it.”

PLANET Z

Our last salvage run was a colony shuttle that flamed out on its way to Mars.
Thousands of bodies in the sleeper pods.
The cargo looked interesting.
Dead withered plants in the hydroponics bay.
The engines were completely shot.
We grabbed the computer system and fuel, and gave the rest a boost back on course to Mars.
An orbital tug could grab the thing and get it to a waystation for offloading.
We messaged Mars Authority so they’d know to catch it before it slams into the planet.
Another colony ship is being launched.
We’ll see if it’s another salvage.

Weekly Challenge #880 – RANGE

The next weekly challenge topic is: Together

LISA

The Weekly Shop

You’ve met Paul before I think, he’s just doing his weekly shop at the local hardware store. He likes their range (they sell plastic sheeting by the metre) but isn’t sure about the staff. Since the latest Netflix trend for true crime documentaries he always gets a comment when he buys cable ties.

Today’s no exception, as he lifts his massive bottles of acid back into the trolley.

“Did you find all you wanted today Mr Dahmer?” She giggles as she says it.

He thinks of that laughter as he waits in the car park for her shift to end.

RICHARD

Boldly gone.

With the probe at this range, messages take several weeks to reach us. That means, if the aliens are able to get their act together quickly enough after first contact, they could be orbiting earth before we have a chance to prepare.

That’s assuming the aliens can travel at near light speed, if they’re able to travel at all; for all we know, they could be a bunch of hairy apes, throwing bones around and incapable of speech.

Better that, than a warlike race that’s already seen us coming, and are gathering their forces in space… Just beyond our view.

TOM

Date Stamp 2523 Ministry of Defense Classified Your Eyes Only:

Designed for primary cooking, defrosting, and reheating, the “Radarange” heats food by microwave energy generated at 2450 megacycles, produced by QK-390 continuous wave, air-cooled magnetrons. In model 1161, two magnetrons produce a maximum of 1600 watts. The food in the “Radarange” oven is penetrated by the microwaves to a depth of about 2 1/2 inches. The microwave energy sets up molecular friction deep within the food. No physical change takes place in the food, except the normal changes caused by the heat. The stainless steel of the oven resist microwave penetration, they do not get hot.

The reason for my absence

For a decade and a half, we got our internet service from Mediacom. The relationship was combative. Being the last power pole in our corner of the county the company often sent us letters stating we were not on any of their service maps. Thus, no equipment was present at that power pole. To one part of the company, we didn’t exist. But to the billing department we did. Try as we may we couldn’t get a second line added, because there was no first line present. So we ran lines to the max of the physical limit of the fiber optics.

In the exit installment we will address the wisdom of redundant systems. To be continued

SERENDIPIDY

Beyond the range of human senses there exists an entirely different world, about which we know little, and understand less.

Very occasionally, our two worlds collide, leading to ghostly experiences, alien encounters, and all manner of strange and unsettling phenomenon. Barely tangible, often unbelievable, and always disturbing.

But, it works both ways, and just as we experience strange connections with ‘the other side’, we are just as intriguing to those who meet with us.

Just imagine waking up one dark night, and there, hovering in a corner of your room, is the utterly terrifying, unexplained, ghostly presence of…

LIZZIE

I was setting up the new store display. Pillows and whatever… Plus the robot, of course. The boss loved the robot.
That’s when a customer asked “What’s the price range?”
How do I know?!
“We don’t sell peace and quiet, sir.”
He opened his mouth as if to say something. Then, he gave up.
Stupid customers.
“Anything else, sir?”
That’s when he snatched the robot and ran!
The range on the tracker was huge. I didn’t bother chasing him. The boss would find it.
I, however, had trouble finding a new job.
Peace and quiet… I wish someone sold that.

NORVAL JOE

Billbert thought about what the old man had said. If he was the stronger of the pair, and he amplified Sabrina, if he could touch her, maybe she would be able to bring in a tornado or something.
As he concentrated on moving toward her, Billbert realized he was floating just above the floor. The dark knights influence over his powers was only when they touched him. They didn’t have a range effect.
Billbert shot forward, scooped up Sabrina and blasted through the cabin door to freedom.
Then the old man called after them, “I still have your other friend.”

PLANET Z

Home on the range.
Where the deer and antelope play.
What do they play?
Tag? No.
Poker? No. Dogs play poker.
You know, the painting.
Deer play Russian Roulette.
They saw The Deer Hunter, and deer are impressionable.
And invite the antelope into their games.
They can’t get a hold of revolvers, so they use hunting rifles left by careless hunters.
Somehow, they get them loaded and pointed at their heads.
And pull the trigger.
Nobody wins. The deer. the antelope.
Or the hunters.
Can’t even do anything with the heads.
All blown apart, nothing left to stuff and mount.

Weekly Challenge #879 – PICK TWO Style, Figure, Balance, Schism, Flower basket, Double

The next weekly challenge topic is: Range

RICHARD

Dress sense

In no way could you possibly consider me a style icon. Unless your idea of style is messy, comfortable slobbishness!

Fashion is certainly not my forte, and anything even remotely stylish in my wardrobe owes more to luck than judgement.

Most of the time, it’s jeans, and crumpled t-shirt. Despite that, I think I cut quite a dashing figure in a suit. That is, when I can be bothered, or the situation merits getting dressed up.

And it doesn’t happen all that often.

Usually, somebody has to die.

But, when they do, I’m always the best-dressed at any funeral.

LIZZIE

They made her wear a long checkered coat that matched the background.
“Color. Style. It’s intentional, darling,” said the director.
The multitude of patterns gave her a headache.
Then, they added a huge hat. “For balance,” they said.
“This is very Alice-like,” she muttered.
The director smiled a condescending smile.
“Ever directed a play, darling?”
“No.”
“Well then… This stage. It’s different! New!”
“What?! It’s a ripoff from Burton’s!”
“Out,” shouted the director. “Out, now!”
OK, time to call Mr. B and let him know he was right. This copycat wouldn’t be calling anyone else “darling” for a long time.

TOM

Flower Schism

The deadliest of our species are members of the Ladies Church Flower Guild. Lightning fast to act, with no compunction to rain-down rigorous death on usurpers. I have seen bishops brought to their knees. Vatican Emissaries shipped back to Rome in boxes. But nothing compares to the Flower Schism of 1968 when Mary Elizabeth Murray went after Mary Margret Edwards. It was biblical throw-down. When the dust clear only a handful of altar boys were left. My last act in that church with ecclesiastical vestments dripping read, was to place the remaining flower on the bodies outside the burning church.

my absence

My friend, god rest his soul, oped-in on Starlink beta test. Little did we know that that account was connected to a credit card that had been seriously max-ed out. So Starlink killed the service. I spent hours searching the Starlink web site for any form of customer service. Then any billing department links. Then any email at all, none. A company with no functioning contact information, not even a PO Box. There was no one and no way to get the service moved over to a new card. What kind of idiot starts a company with no billing department, oh Elon Musk.

Flower Schism

The deadliest of our species are members of the Ladies Church Flower Guild. Lightning fast to act, with no compunction to rain-down rigorous death on usurpers. I have seen bishops brough to their knees. Vatican Emissaries shipped back to Rome in boxes. But nothing compares to the Flower Schism of 1968 when Mary Elizibeth Murray went after Mary Margert Edwards. It was biblical throw-down. When the dust clear only a handful of altar boys were left. My last act in that church with ecclesiastical vestments dripping read, was to place the remaining flower on the bodies outside the burning church.

SERENDIPIDY

Slowly, you become aware of your surroundings. The pain in your head is severe and you feel the warm, stickiness of blood matting your hair.

There’s a ringing in your ears and you feel detached from your surroundings as you struggle to focus on the things around you.

You’re seeing double, and the world has become unclear and very distant.

You become aware of a blurry figure stood before you, and slowly, horribly, realisation dawns.

I raise the shotgun again, you’re staring down the barrel, and – as if from a great distance – you hear my voice…

“Ready for round two?”

NORVAL JOE

Billbert figured he could double down on acting confident and he thrust out his hand. “Here. Let me look at that scroll.”
The old man almost fell for it but jerked back the brittle role of parchment before Billbert could see what was written on it.
Billbert shook his head sadly. “Give me some help here, Sabrina. You’re the witch after all.”
She began to open her mouth, but the old man cut in instead. “She may be the witch, but she’s a weak one, except when in contact with you. You, young man, magnify and balance the witch’s power.”

PLANET Z

She balanced the flower basket on her head as she walked down the street.
A sign in the basket… roses for sale.
And a rose clenched between her teeth.
She’d motion for the tourists to put the money in their mouth.
And slowly, hands at her sides, she’d pass them the rose while taking the money.
By the time she got to the end of the block, her basket would be empty, and her pockets were full.
She’d walk into the bar at the corner and wash her mouth out with a glass of whiskey.
Filthy tourists. Do they brush?

Weekly Challenge #878 Scroll

The next weekly challenge topic is: Style, Figure, Balance, Schism, Flower basket, Double

LISA

Lonely Hearts

His flat overlooks the city but Paul isn’t looking at the view.

Paul’s TV is on but he’s not watching it.

A pigeon flies into his window, dies instantly and leaves a dusty imprint that Paul barely notices.

He’s scrolling, scrolling a dating site, scrolling a long list of single women that are looking for a man.

Looks matter but that’s not what stops him. It’s something he can see in their eyes, imperceptible to you and me. He knows what he needs. He likes them damaged, desperate and downright sad.

He stops scrolling.

Clicks.

Paul’s next victim is chosen.

LIZZIE

“The scroll, please”
Amidst the perplexing disarray of intentions (everyone darted in different directions), one of the monks tripped.
“So?”
They said the turmoil was such that no one fetched the scroll.
“Considering the monk’s broken leg will stay broken for a while, someone, get the scroll.”
Everyone hurried.
After a while…
“There are two scrolls, Father. Which one…?”
He took a deep breath. There are two, they said… Two scrolls, one broken leg. And he felt like strangling someone and shoving a scroll down someone’s throat. Then, there would be only one.
Hell. That’s where he was heading, Hell.

RICHARD

Origami

The South Coast Regional Origami Learners List, otherwise known as SCROLL, seemed like a good idea at the time. An online community of people with a shared interest in origami, providing a forum for enthusiasts of all abilities and experience to share their knowledge, and show-off their creations.

Unfortunately, we’d over-estimated not only the number of origami fans on the South coast, but also the levels of enthusiasm, which – if I’m honest – was pretty much non-existent.

Frankly, the whole thing turned out to be a complete waste of time, money and effort.

In the end, inevitably, it folded.

SERENDIPIDY

They say there are great mysteries contained within the sacred scroll, and that profound truths about life, death and the universe can be found within its writings.

Some have even speculated that the nature of god can be divined from studying its hidden messages.

It’s been said that magical texts of great power are held within the scroll, and ancient secrets are woven throughout its passages.

But, nobody knows for sure.

Because nobody has ever read the sacred scroll.

They simply skip to the bottom, tick the box saying they agree, and click on the ‘Accept’ button.

Just like you.

TOM

Never knowing the moment

A few years ago some wicked publishing house print out the coolest run of Kerouac’s On The Road. Like the original, one long scroll of paper. Should have laid out the coin and bought it. I didn’t big mistake, along side not buying a wood cut copy of the The Rime of the Ancient Mariner. To honor the passing of my friend who actually met the man. I dragged out the old tractor feed Epson and printed the scroll out. He and it reduced to ash. Funny how a single book can change a whole generation. Forever on the road.

My Absence
In John Green’s the fault in our stars his hero reflects on the pivotal turning point in dying “There’s no way of knowing that your last good day is Your Last Good Day. At the time, it is just another good day.” That’s for someone on the inside. For we on the outside trying own damnest not to fill that last good day with the mundane needs of community management we wait too long. Which is why I didn’t ask my best friend what the passwords were while he lay with multiple tube pumping in and out of his body, because, he was coming home.

NORVAL JOE

The hunched old man scratched his head through his black hood. “Yellow teeth?” He took out his phone and scrolled through his photo gallery.
Billbert scooted up next to him. “Can I look at that? Sabrina said there were some dark knights in our homeroom class. I’d like to see who they are.”
“Right. I think not.” The old man put the phone away and turned to the youths. “Bring me the scroll.”
The girl brought him a yellowed tube of parchment.
He unrolled it and read, “Billbert Dimplepoker, for crimes against the magical realms, you are condemned to death.”

PLANET Z

The rule is simple: wizards can only cast spells from magic scrolls and priests can only cast spells from holy scrolls.
If anybody else tries to cast spells from them, bad things happen.
Egbert the warrior tried. That’s him over there, that pile of ashes.
The dead frog in that pile is Luthien the lockpicker.
The woman rolling around on that mess and screaming is Melody the bard.
She needs a cure insanity spell cast on her, and luckily enough, we have a scroll of it.
Or maybe ironically enough, since it’s the scroll that these three idiots tried reading.

Weekly Challenge #877 Host

The next weekly challenge topic is: Scroll

SCRIBBLING WREN LISA

The Last Supper

John was the host with the most, his pavlovas were to die for.

He was a demon in the kitchen and always used fresh local ingredients. A lot of the vegetables he grew himself at his well tended allotment plot. He blended his own spices and there always seemed to be one flavour you just couldn’t put your finger on what it was.

There wasn’t a pudding today, it didn’t matter because after the main course his guests couldn’t move anyway. They weren’t stuffed, he’d drugged them. It was then that he shackled them and began to enjoy his evening.

RICHARD

Hostess with the mostess

She was the perfect host: Attentive, considerate and she always made you feel right at home.

Her parties were always memorable, and you knew you’d made it, if ever you received an invitation.

These parties were occasions not to be missed, and were often frequented by politicians, judges and celebrities, you’d be rubbing shoulders with everybody who was anybody.

She had a cracking pair of tits too! Along with a figure to die for and a wicked technique with the whip and restraints.

She was expensive, of course, but you certainly got your money’s worth.

Best damn dominatrix in town!

TOM

Sugar in Any Form

I have a warm memory from childhood of the Hostess thrift story. A little bit bigger than three bathrooms, but racks of week, to month old: ho ho-s, ding dongs, suzy q’s, sno balls, zingers, and my beloved Twinkies. ALL mime, mine, mine. I was a sugar junky. Would have been dead by now if it hadn’t been for a three years stay in an organic bakery drying me out. Last year my youth caught up with me. Diabetes. A host of sugar adjacent food sources were purged. Am I happy? Let us say being good is its own punishment

LIZZIE

“A plate full of love,” she said, looking at the heart-shaped biscuits and blinking her eyes slowly, like a cat.
He frowned.
She raised her voice to a higher pitch. “You don’t think so?”
Careful, he thought. Never ever contradict a host holding a plate.
“Valentine?” She insisted. “Love and all that?”
He nodded. Pink little hearts…
“Fine, don’t say anything. I’ll toss them in the garbage.”
He nodded.
That’s when that plate flew in his direction.
The gash on his head wasn’t the shape of a heart.
That love wasn’t meant to happen. He just hated pink freaking biscuits.

SERENDIPIDY

You’ve heard of the heavenly host? Let me introduce you to the unheavenly host.

We don’t sit around on clouds all day, dressed in white nightgowns, playing harps. We favour denim and leather, and cruise around on Harleys, blasting out sick riffs on Les Paul sunbursts.

Then there’s the whole being saintly and giving it up to God thing.

Stuff that! For us, it’s mob rule, sex, drugs and rock n roll.

I’ll be honest with you, heaven these days is pretty empty. When the angels see the fun they could have with us, they’re down here like a shot!

NORVAL JOE

The two knights directed Billbert and Sabrina to a rusted Chrysler 300 with all the windows tinted. They were pushed into the back seat. The dark knights squeezed in beside them.
An hour later they pulled up to a decrepit cabin dwarfed by tall pines and redwoods.
Inside the cabin they found an old man wearing a black hood with holes cut out for his eyes and mouth. He smiled a yellow toothed smile. “I will be your host while you stay with us.”
Billbert scoffed. “I have a host of questions. First. Do all of you have yellow teeth?”

PLANET Z

Aside from dropping dead in his own mansion, Mr. Body was actually a pretty good host for the party.
The invitations went out, the mansion was clean and well-decorated, and the caterers provided the best wine, appetizers, and dinner to the guests.
Leaving out so many weapons, well, that may have been taking the decorations a bit too far.
And when it comes to hosting a murder mystery, well, ten out of ten points for that.
In the end, everyone had a great time.
Well, except for the murderer, of course. They were hauled off to jail by the cops.

Weekly Challenge #876 – Superhero

The next weekly challenge topic is: Host

LISA

Death of a Super Hero

It was a Friday so we’d had fish for lunch, followed by double Maths. We were full of numbers and fish as the school doors slammed behind us.

Up the road at the petrol station a beige Ford Escort had filled up ready for a trip to the coast but we didn’t know that then, Dad read it out to Mum from the paper the next day.

Gary had put his parka hood on his head, held the arms up to the side like wings, we’d sung the batman theme as he ran out the gates straight into the car.

RICHARD

Not so super

What’s so special about superheroes?

Think about it: Every superhero has a nemesis – a force for evil they barely manage to keep in check, and it’s always touch and go whether good will win the day.

And, let’s not forget that every superhero also has a paralysing weakness. Superman has kryptonite, Green Lantern can’t cope with the colour yellow, and Aquaman loses his power away from the sea. As for Batman… Just mention his dead parents!

So, it seems that superheroes aren’t so super after all.

As for supervillains though, that’s a whole different story!

I’d be one, any day!

TOM

SuperHero

Lenny desperately wanted to be a superhero. His first foray into super-league status was days spent in the gym to build muscle mass. Didn’t work out well with that one. After get out of the hospital, he set his sights on a chemical super-power. The second stay in the hospital was a bit longer. Some say third is charmed, and it prove so for Lenny. Mind control was his ticket to the big league. Only problem is it just worked on sheep. What he could get a 1000 sheep to do, staggers the mind. And the cost of clean-up.

LIZZIE

Ding, ding, ding.
No one’s home, not even the one you’re looking for.
And who am I looking for, he thought. He didn’t know.
Ding, ding, ding.
Why isn’t anyone here? He didn’t know.
And he thought he was special.
Ding, ding, ding.
The harder he hit that bell, the angrier he got.
He was the one, he was THE one.
Ding, DING.
Anyone? Someone?
When they finally caught up with him, he was at the counter, hitting that bell with hatred in his eyes.
“Back home with you, mister.”
Ding…
Home? Superman never dresses in white. He hated home.

SERENDIPIDY

If I was a superhero, I wouldn’t work for the public good, and I’m betting you wouldn’t either.

If you had laser eyes, super strength, or the ability to fly, become invisible, or move at lightning speed, I’m sure as hell your first thoughts wouldn’t be how to use your powers to help those in distress.

Instead, you’d be figuring out schemes to rob banks, sneak unseen into people’s bedrooms and laser the shrubs in your annoying neighbour’s garden!

Just as well I’m an everyday person.

But all it takes is a radioactive insect bite… And then, you’re in trouble!

TURA

Superhero
———
Superhero Sidekick Examination: written part.

Question 1.

How can you riddle the Riddler?

Question 2.

Holy priceless collection of Etruscan snoods! Improvise three expressions of histrionic astonishment.

Question 3.

Your superhero is attempting to disarm the supervillain’s superweapon, when he exclaims, “Not only cunning, but fiendish! The entire assembly is behind a hypersensitive joggle trap! If only I had a 1N914 diode to redirect the electron field!”

How do you respond to this emergency in a way that demonstrates resourcefulness, creativity, elan, finesse, sprezzatura, and fourth wall knowingness?

The answer “I’ve not got one on me” will get zero points.
———

PLANET Z

Truth. Justice. The American Way.
Lex Luthor bought the copyright on the phrase.
“Doesn’t Superman own that?” said his attorney.
“Actually the narrator of news reels he’s in says that,” said Luthor. “The ones we just bought.”
When someone said the phrase or printed it on a shirt, Luthor demanded royalties.
Luthor tried to trademark the symbol on Superman’s chest, but that was covered by Kryptonian Law, the courts said.
Didn’t stop him from hiring fourth-world sweatshops to produce shirts for the fans of his nemesis.
It didn’t make a lot of money, but it was the principle that mattered.

Weekly Challenge #875 – PICK TWO Point, Heat, Carrots, Rust, Wafer-thin, Creep

The next weekly challenge topic is: Superhero

LIZZIE

The man looked at him sideways.
“What’s up?”
The man didn’t reply and looked away while scratching the rust out of the bench with a pocket-knife.
“You new here?”
The man shrugged.
“Better be careful.”
The man had one eye. The other was white, empty of life.
“Do you have a carrot?”
“A carrot?”
The man nodded and waited.
“That’s how I lost my eye.”
“Are you looking to lose the other too?”
The man grinned a toothless grin and walked away.
“A carrot… Creep. They’ve opened the doors at the funny farm again. Hope no one dies this time.”

LISA

An Open Packet Of Wafer Thin Ham Two Months Past It’s Use By Date.

Layers of sticky grime had built up over years on the door. Lizzie added fridge to the endless list of items for the dump. As she opened the door, the smell hit her like holiday heat when you leave the airport. The whole house had an odour, unpleasant and pervasive but this was something else amid the lumpy milk, liquid carrots and inexplicably her Mum’s purse. She knelt with a bin bag, sliding the contents into it with her nose covered, remembered coming home from uni, and her joy at seeing that fridge, very much cleaner, crammed full of treats.

RICHARD

Japan: The Reality.

Wafer-thin walls and overwhelming summer heat.

That’s what I say, when people ask me about my time in Japan.

I could say more… The crazy traffic, crowded streets, awful cheese, long working hours and the barely-concealed unconscious racism towards anyone who isn’t Japanese, but none of those really bothered me. Somehow, I accepted that as part of what it meant to live in Japan.

But, some things were just too much to bear.

Oh, and haiku.

I could never master that damn thing. I’ll stick to hundred word stories!

The wafer-thin walls;

Overwhelming summer heat.

Japanese torture!

TOM

Not Providing Appropriate Adjustment

Jack was odd. Markly off centered. You could say he was missing one important thing or he was burdened with one maladaptive trait. One could say he was a wafer-thin creepy. How he entered a room, how he joined a conversation of his peers, even if was just walking pass you in a hall, you feel a sense of peril. And wasn’t just adults. Dogs and cats would go ballistic, small children would weep. I tried my best to at the least be surface friendly. That was until the day of the hard black rain. The day Timmy mysteriously disappeared.

SERENDIPIDY

I’ve never been much good at slicing vegetables; I’m always in too much of a hurry. No matter how hard I try, they always come out uneven and messy. Certainly not fit for dinner parties and entertaining.

So I bought myself a mandoline: One of those razor-sharp slicers that proper chefs use, and it revolutionised my kitchen. Now my carrots are wafer-thin, every time.

But, for my latest dinner party, I was running late, and rushing again.

I’d sliced my fingers off, down to the knuckles before I realised.

Nobody noticed the added ingredient.

And it tasted great.

NORVAL JOE

Billbert bit his lip and thought about what the girl had said. “Oh. You mean you have my friend, Linoliamanda.
The girl sneered, looking truly horrifying with hair the color of rust and teeth the color of carrots. “Call her what you want. If you don’t come with us, she’ll be called a memory.”
Sabrina tugged at his sleeve and whispered, “We should run. I think we can outrun them.”
The boy said, “You’d have to get through us first.” He grabbed Sabrina by the shoulders.
She sighed. “I guess he has a point. We probably better go with them.”

PLANET Z

The first time the Creep in the big grey hoodie walked into the grocery store and stuffed bags of baby carrots into this pockets before walking out, nobody saw it.
But after a few days of this, a guy stocking the produce section noticed him, and he got on the phone to the manager.
Too late to stop him from leaving.
Soon, hundreds of stores were reporting similar thefts.
Corporate told managers to have parking patrols watch the doors, and eventually they caught the carrot thieves.
Meanwhile, over in countless dairy sections, the real thieves had stolen all the eggs.

Weekly Challenge #874 – Diet

The next weekly challenge topic is: Point, Heat, Carrots, Rust, Wafer-thin, Creep

SCRIBBLING WREN

Mr Tibbles Special Diet

Paula had him from a kitten. His once luxurious coat was matted and shed hair as he limped by. He’d lost the leg while he was sat in the road washing.

Because of a kidney problem he could only eat expensive food from the vets. It was measured out twice daily. After his second 25g meal he sat meowing by the window until Paula opened it to let him out.

Outside he ate the remains of a KFC Bargain Bucket from the bin, drank from a brackish puddle while Paula watched, thinking it was probably time for a new cat.

LIZZIE

Diet is such a wonderful word, he thought. The thought of restraining yourself from eating what you want is delightful. Saying “no, thank you, I am full” when you’ve been eyeing that food for the past half hour is enchanting. And the taunting sneers… They think those “no, thank yous” are as fake as their boobs and their mustaches tinted black. And when, in a moment of sheer restraint, you stab just one of them in the eye, then all is well. You don’t have to worry anymore. You’ll eat what’s given to you. Diet is such a wonderful word.

RICHARD

Weighty matters

It was one of those loaded questions. You know the sort, the ones that come out of the blue from nowhere, leaving you no choice but to answer, and whatever answer you give, you’re damned!

“Should I go on a diet?”

I busied myself with my breakfast, hoping she’d let it pass, but knowing my fate was sealed.

“Well?” She gave me a steely look. “Am I overweight? Should I go on a diet?”

I sighed, and smiled at her.

“You don’t need to diet… You just need to buy bigger clothes!”

Well, it seems that was the wrong answer.

TOM

It’s All In The Deliver

The great theologian Rasmus of Tent had a flamboyant presentation style. When speaking of the great parting of the empire, he placed a larger glass bottle on the podium filled with an abundance of night-crawlers. He waited. The students look on in dark silence. Smiling he offered an eclectic hint. “Heylshof Garden.“ Silence. Then another: Charles V And yet another Frederick III. Walking to the front ring of chairs he whispered into the ear of his prized pupil. Beaming he announced: Diet of Worms. Ryely Rasmus stated “happily while Luther branded a hectic he wasn’t asked to dine on same.

SERENDIPIDY

I’m a very ordinary, average type of person: Not too short, nor too tall, fairly slim, not tending towards fat, and unremarkable when it comes to looks – I’m no supermodel, but then again, I’m not butt-ugly either.

If you happened to pass me in the street, you might spare me a second glance, but then again, you might simply pass me by, without even noticing.

They do say that a balanced diet is a good thing, and I can’t disagree.

Cannibalism needn’t be unhealthy, you just need to be choosy.

And, I’m living proof, you are what you eat!

NORVAL JOE

As if to prove her assertion that Billbert’s touch increased her magical powers, Sabrina reached out and put her hand on his. As she did her eyes went wide. “Oh no!” She gasped and looked at the door to the ice cream parlor.
Two hulking teenagers blocked the exit. With hair so greasy and their faces covered with pimples they must be living on a diet of potato chips and French fries, the girl of the two growled, “We are of the Dark Knights. We have your friend, Lanolin. If you want her to live, you must come with us.”

PLANET Z

It’s been a while since I last wrote a new story here.
I’ve been diagnosed with a lot of conditions, and they all overlap in their symptoms as well as their impact on each other.
An allergy to this, a sensitivity to that.
Medications for one aggravate the other.
Do this, change that, can’t eat anything on this list… or that list… but this list is… oh, wait… can’t eat that either.
Until it all becomes so much, my anxiety goes through the roof and into the stratosphere.
Here’s some pills for it.
Which cancel out all the other pills.