Category: Weekly Challenge

• Scribbling Wren
• Lizzie
• Richard
• Serendipidy
• Tom
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

The next weekly challenge topic is: Point, Heat, Carrots, Rust, Wafer-thin, Creep

SCRIBBLING WREN

Mr Tibbles Special Diet

Paula had him from a kitten. His once luxurious coat was matted and shed hair as he limped by. He’d lost the leg while he was sat in the road washing.

Because of a kidney problem he could only eat expensive food from the vets. It was measured out twice daily. After his second 25g meal he sat meowing by the window until Paula opened it to let him out.

Outside he ate the remains of a KFC Bargain Bucket from the bin, drank from a brackish puddle while Paula watched, thinking it was probably time for a new cat.

LIZZIE

Diet is such a wonderful word, he thought. The thought of restraining yourself from eating what you want is delightful. Saying “no, thank you, I am full” when you’ve been eyeing that food for the past half hour is enchanting. And the taunting sneers… They think those “no, thank yous” are as fake as their boobs and their mustaches tinted black. And when, in a moment of sheer restraint, you stab just one of them in the eye, then all is well. You don’t have to worry anymore. You’ll eat what’s given to you. Diet is such a wonderful word.

RICHARD

Weighty matters

It was one of those loaded questions. You know the sort, the ones that come out of the blue from nowhere, leaving you no choice but to answer, and whatever answer you give, you’re damned!

“Should I go on a diet?”

I busied myself with my breakfast, hoping she’d let it pass, but knowing my fate was sealed.

“Well?” She gave me a steely look. “Am I overweight? Should I go on a diet?”

I sighed, and smiled at her.

“You don’t need to diet… You just need to buy bigger clothes!”

Well, it seems that was the wrong answer.

TOM

It’s All In The Deliver

The great theologian Rasmus of Tent had a flamboyant presentation style. When speaking of the great parting of the empire, he placed a larger glass bottle on the podium filled with an abundance of night-crawlers. He waited. The students look on in dark silence. Smiling he offered an eclectic hint. “Heylshof Garden.“ Silence. Then another: Charles V And yet another Frederick III. Walking to the front ring of chairs he whispered into the ear of his prized pupil. Beaming he announced: Diet of Worms. Ryely Rasmus stated “happily while Luther branded a hectic he wasn’t asked to dine on same.

SERENDIPIDY

I’m a very ordinary, average type of person: Not too short, nor too tall, fairly slim, not tending towards fat, and unremarkable when it comes to looks – I’m no supermodel, but then again, I’m not butt-ugly either.

If you happened to pass me in the street, you might spare me a second glance, but then again, you might simply pass me by, without even noticing.

They do say that a balanced diet is a good thing, and I can’t disagree.

Cannibalism needn’t be unhealthy, you just need to be choosy.

And, I’m living proof, you are what you eat!

NORVAL JOE

As if to prove her assertion that Billbert’s touch increased her magical powers, Sabrina reached out and put her hand on his. As she did her eyes went wide. “Oh no!” She gasped and looked at the door to the ice cream parlor.
Two hulking teenagers blocked the exit. With hair so greasy and their faces covered with pimples they must be living on a diet of potato chips and French fries, the girl of the two growled, “We are of the Dark Knights. We have your friend, Lanolin. If you want her to live, you must come with us.”

PLANET Z

It’s been a while since I last wrote a new story here.
I’ve been diagnosed with a lot of conditions, and they all overlap in their symptoms as well as their impact on each other.
An allergy to this, a sensitivity to that.
Medications for one aggravate the other.
Do this, change that, can’t eat anything on this list… or that list… but this list is… oh, wait… can’t eat that either.
Until it all becomes so much, my anxiety goes through the roof and into the stratosphere.
Here’s some pills for it.
Which cancel out all the other pills.

• Scribbling Wren
• Jared
• Richard
• Lizzie
• Serendipidy
• Tom
• Norval Joe

… and next week’s topic is Diet

SCRIBBLING WREN

The Dark Stranger

“No further questions your honour.”

Everyone on the jury knew Peter was guilty. They’d known as soon as they saw him before anyone had said anything. Their deliberation would be over in record time. An instant unanimous decision, I mean, despite the lack of evidence he’d admitted he’d done it.

And so he was found guilty.

A sentence passed that meant he would never, school sports day or not, find himself in a field again.

Unlike his older brother, Doyle who never visited, continued to work as a PE teacher and never once said thank you for taking the rap.

JARED

Rachel knew she was onto something big. Huge. It’s the only reason she would ever be at a football game, naked but for a trenchcoat and sneakers, trying to be inconspicuous. Her informant set up the meet: streak the game, get caught, meet the go-between.

A whistle, a flash of yellow, and everyone’s attention was focused on the other side of the field. This was it. She threw off the coat and sprinted for the field.

She was tackled by two security guards almost immediately. She felt the one holding her by the legs slip something into her shoe. Success.

RICHARD

Judged

Judge Nicholson was a tyrant. We all hated having to appear before him. Whether prosecuting, or appearing for the defence, you knew you were in for a hard time.

He would berate, belittle and abuse you in court, and act up, putting on a show for the jury, spectators, and the press.

We all hated being there.

But, not today. Today, we’ve all crammed into the courtroom, both as professionals, and filling the public gallery.

Judge Nicholson was being tried for public indecency, and we were there ensuring he got everything he deserved.

So, how does it feel, your honour?

LIZZIE

“Your Honor, I must protest.”
“Object?”
“Ok, object.”
“Grounds?”
The lawyer shuffled through his papers.
“Your Honor.”
“Counselor.”
“The thing is…”
“Yes?”
The lawyer shuffled through his papers again.
“Your Honor, I…”
“Counselor, I am losing my patience. If you object, you must specify the grounds for your objection.”
“The footage is inadmissible.”
“Why?”
“It’s a film reel. How are we supposed to…”
“Is that my problem, Counselor?!”
“I must protest, your Honor.”
“Object, Counselor, object. Get out of my courtroom. Out!”
And off the lawyer went, protesting all the way. He should’ve paid more attention at Law School indeed.

SERENDIPIDY

You’ve probably heard it said that there’s no honour among thieves, but that’s not strictly true.

It may be the case for those common petty thieves and robbers that clog up our prisons and pollute our neighbourhoods, but amongst those of us with more specialist skills – those of us in the business of stealing the life force from our victims – you will certainly find honour, and respect for each other.

It’s purely practical, of course.

For very obvious reasons, you really don’t want to upset somebody whose business is killing – it’s simple self-preservation.

Your honour, is your life insurance!

TOM

the instruments of question

What I do isn’t exact who I am. Who, goes around will a calling card saying Where from the Grand Jury we’re here to help. Further I’m what you would call a Juror Wrangler. Get alone little inquisitors. You, can not image how easy it is to get into major trouble indecorously opening your frilling mouth. As much as I try, someone, at some time, will say the worst thing possible. Then I find myself in the Judge’s chambers firing off a string of: Yes your honor, Yes your honor, never again your honor. I real should get a taser.

NORVAL JOE

Sabrina pushed her half eaten bowl of ice cream away, held up her spoon, and sat up straight. “On my honor as a junior member of the weather witch’s guild, I’m telling you that the clouds have revealed it to me that you are to be my lifelong companion.”
“Your honor?” Billbert asked. “You may be a junior member of the whatsit guild, but that doesn’t mean the clouds can tell you anything.”
She put down her spoon. “Don’t you see? When we touch, you make my powers so much stronger, I don’t even need the clouds to confirm it.”

• Scribbling Wren
• Lizzie
• Richard
• Tom
• Serendipidy
• Norval Joe

SCRIBBLING WREN

Cara

My bag got stolen, snatched last night as I got off the bus but that’s not the moment of change in today’s story. Obviously, it’s a pain, stopping cards, the loss of the money – my tips were in there. And my make up bag, this is the biggie.

Right now, I’m on the bus without a mask of foundation, eyes undefined with liner, squirming with embarrassment not wanting anyone to look.

The juddering window exposes my naked face and I see me. I see me like it’s for the first time and I realise it’s OK. This is my face.

LIZZIE

The vase in the shape of a giraffe was the reason for many arguments in the Employees (the gang) Only room. Some said it was a deer, others a dog, others whatever. Though the “whatevers” would frequently win, she insisted it was a giraffe. She enjoyed being a nuisance, the vortex of all disagreements. When management decided she had to be promoted, the gang threw the giraffe in the garbage out of spite. That’s when they discovered a mic. This is how you go from being oh, so happy for being a nag to… oh my god, I was fired.

RICHARD

Exposed

We found the old camera whilst clearing out my grandfather’s attic. It was in a box marked ‘grandad’, scrawled in my grandfather’s curly script, and we figured from the newspaper packing, that the contents had belonged to his grandfather… My great, great grandfather!

It still contained a roll of exposed film, and my hands trembled at the thought of what treasures from the past it might hold.

“That’s cool!” Whooped my twelve-year old son, snatching the camera from me, opening it, and unspooling the film, holding it up to the brightly sunlit window.

“Nothing on it” he said, frowning.

TOM

Weather Will Kill Ya

There is a rite of passage in Chicago. As a kid your actively bundled by parents to not freeze to death. Deep layers of clothing insured you would make it to at least the age of 14. The winter of your freshman year peer-pressure left you sorely exposed to the elements. No boots, No hat, No scarf. Just jeans and a Letterman leather jacket, not exactly Arctic wear. And worst for the girls, in skirts. We were having none of that and forced both the official and unofficial school dress code into the 20th century

SERENDIPIDY

Don’t believe a word of it!

We don’t sleep in coffins, you can’t kill us with a stake through the heart, we don’t turn to dust when exposed to sunlight, and we certainly don’t have sparkly skin or enjoy a bad relationship with werewolves.

It’s all nonsense.

Except the part about drinking blood.

We definitely do that.

But, none of the rest of it, just to be clear.

We look, sound, act and behave just like anybody else.

We could be your colleague, or neighbour, or cousin.

Even you could be one!

Maybe you should give drinking blood a try?

NORVAL JOE

As Billbert and Sabrina walked from the movie theater to the ice cream shop he kept an eye out for her grandmother. Earlier in the day when she had coerced Billbert to take her granddaughter to the movie she made it clear she didn’t want her part in the activity exposed.
Sabrina smiled at him over her banana split. “I’m glad you’ve come to your senses and see that I am the girl for you, and not that Linoleum girl.”
Billbert dug half-heartedly at his hot fudge sundae. “I’m thirteen years old. I hardly think there’s any girl for me.”

• Richard
• Serendipidy
• Lizzie
• Tom
• Norval Joe
• Scribbling Wren
• Tura
• Planet Z

SCRIBBLING WREN

Mornington Crescent

Two platforms lured them away, promising an escape from the crush of bodies on the Northern Line down just sixty six steps. Phones had stopped working so no one knew the first explosion had been reported at Euston.

They’d felt it as it rocked the station, six panic attacks started Northbound, Southbound someone started to scream. Later the smell of charred flesh would creep down the tunnel.

Some had jumped. The precipice of the platform edge providing temporary relief then a respite on the train tracks until the eight twenty arrived on time for the first time in a week.

RICHARD

Horror on the subway

We heard it, long before, it came into view: A discordant, metallic grating that set one’s teeth on edge, echoing eerily through the subway tunnels and corridors.

As we drew closer, the sound of tortured human voices could be discerned amongst the sounds of destruction – wails and stomach-churning moans and groaning. The occasional shrieking scream pierced the air.

Grimly we continued forward, fearful of what lay ahead, but steely in our resolve, as we turned towards the platform, the full horror assailed us.

A busker quartet: Violin, tambourine, and three dreadful voices, massacring Candle in the Wind.

Truly horrifying!

TOM

Never Return
It has been nearly three quarters of a century, but his presents is still felt. From Kendall Station to Scallay Square. The ghostly face behind the window. Same say they can just hear his moans. Others the icy touch of his hand as he sails past the platform. All agree the presents of the etherical sandwich float in the train chills the bone, a horror in the subway. The man who never returned is not alone. That car is fill with the souls of every MTA administrator. They will ride forever beneath the streets of Boston, and never return.

LIZZIE

“Horror on The Subway” was the title of her latest book. A massive success. The aliens, assisting the newest rotation of settlers, were huge fans. When they realized she was visiting the base, they spent days putting out arrows. We laughed because the base was pretty easy to find and the arrow system was simply chaotic. No one saw it coming. Her ship did some odd twists and turns till it just vanished. Those arrows weren’t showing the way. They seized the controls! “Where is she?!” The aliens whistled distractedly, a skill they had recently picked up from us humans.

TURA

Horror on the subway
———
In 1976, the Swiss artist H. R. Giger visited London, desiring to explore the disused Underground stations. His guide was one Henry Cottonwood, a staff member who had worked at some of them. Cottonwood found Giger disturbing, but with good grace showed him around Down Street, Trafalgar, and others. But at British Museum, something happened of which he would never speak. He retired early and never again ventured below ground.

Three years later, the film “Alien” appeared, famously designed by Giger. On seeing an advertising poster, Cottonwood yelled, “They’ve escaped!”, running headlong into the traffic. He was fatally run over.

SERENDIPIDY

Take my advice and never take the last train.

I’m not trying to frighten you and I’m only advising you for your own safety, I promise.

It’s not because you’re likely to run into any gang members, muggers or druggies: You won’t find any of those stupid enough to catch the last train, no matter how desperate they might be… They know better.

It’s not tired drivers, sacrificing safety for speed, ignoring red lights in their haste to end their shift.

No, never take the last train, because that’s the train that I take.

And I prefer to travel alone!

NORVAL JOE

Billbert walked with Sabrina out of the movie theater.
Sabrina smiled at him. “Thanks for inviting me to a movie. I think this was my very first date.”
Billbert swallowed hard, knowing her grandmother probably followed close behind. “Yeah. This was fun, but I expected the movie to be about a serin gas attack, or maybe a mass shooting.”
Sabrina nodded. “Yeah. But still, it was really freaky when the passenger cars began to fill up with beanie babies. I mean, where were they coming from?”
Billbert agreed. “Really. I was worried. I’m just glad they eventually saved the cat.”

PLANET Z

On major holidays, the transit authority waives fares for the trains.
It’s great for all the people wanting to go Downtown for the lights and store window watching and all, but it’s also great for people living on the streets looking for a place to stay warm.
At every train and bus station, the cops come in and clear those people off, sometimes sending them to a shelter, other times just tossing them out on the street again, where they make their way back on eventually.
And then there’s the dead ones. They’re fed to the beast under track twelve.

• Richard
• Serendipidy
• Lizzie
• Duane
• Norval Joe
• Scribbling Wren
• Tura
• Planet Z

(imagine a cat here)

TURA

Spycam; Pew
———
I walk through the churchyard, stamp my snow-covered boots in the porch, and enter to take my usual pew. I nod coldly at the spycam that I believe to be mounted under the pulpit.

I play the part of a believer, but my mind is focussed on the messages concealed in the hymn board, the Bible readings, and the sermon. The numbers indicate the words and sentences to listen for.

After the service, we file out, each exchanging a few words with the minister. I secretly acknowledge the message received, and we part.

Or, so I like to imagine.

NORVAL JOE

In an attempt to obscure the evidence that he and Linoliamanda were actually floating above the sidewalk, Billbert pumped his legs like he was running. He knew the bullies were probably too thick headed to notice, but someone they passed might. Rounding the corner onto Anaheim Avenue, someone did.
Sabrina’s grandmother stood in their path. She gritted her teeth. “Put that thing down,” she growled.
Billbert de-levitated and skidded to a stop. “How rude. This is my friend. She’s not a thing.”
The old woman shook her head. “Anyone who interferes with Sabrina’s progress is a thing I will eliminate.”

DUANE

This Christmas I will expose the big-Santa industrial complex. St. Nick, the puppet of the toy makers, will be made to answer for years of consumer manipulation.

Spy cams have been set up on the rooftop and near the fireplace and tree. If Santa samples the milk and cookies there will be DNA evidence to identify him.

Their endgame is to get you used to having lots of presents at Christmas. As you get older they deny the existence of Santa. It’s then up to you to buy Christmas presents and stocking stuffers for everyone, so the capitalist cycle continues.

SERENDIPIDY

I know you’re watching me.

I know about the spycam in the television. I know you have my phone bugged, and I know you’re firing microwaves at my brain to read my thoughts.

Of course we’re not! Show us the evidence.” They say, “We just want to help you!”

But I know the truth.

Because the voices tell me.

And the voices are never wrong.

So, I won’t believe your lies, and I won’t take your pills, and I’ve no interest in your ‘help’.

The voices know best. The voices know everything.

And the voices told me where you live.

RICHARD

Enemy

It was sometime in the afternoon of the third day of the march that we came upon the checkpoint.

March, is probably something of a misnomer: If you could call the shambling, stumbling, trudge through the snow and barren countryside anything, a march it certainly wasn’t.

Today was Christmas Day, and fate had seen fit to gift us with the enemy: Oblivious to our presence, and with their guard down.

When we appeared from nowhere, he raised his rifle, panic-stricken.

I smiled at him, and held out a bar of chocolate, “Now, put that thing down”.

Enemy?

Not today.

LIZZIE

“Put that thing down now,” the owner said.
That thing was the spycam, the evidence of foul play.
It was all over the news.
They found cameras in all the rooms. The hotel was closed and the police ripped every mirror and every lamp off the walls. They tossed the furniture aside. They emptied the drawers and shoved them onto the floor.
It was their job, they said.
“This will cost a fortune…”
Well, not really.
The manager held “that thing” up.
“They missed this one. And it has the footage of the cops destroying everything.”
“Blessed be the taxpayer.”

LISA

I believe…

Reuben had been working on his project since March. He was about to prove that Father Christmas was a hoax. It was the big night, Christmas Eve, all quiet in the house except a little mouse stirring his midnight cup of tea.

Reuben had fallen asleep but the Spy Cam was set up and trained on the Fireplace, where a pair of boots appeared and then the man himself.

With a brisk efficiency Santa drained the sherry glass, enjoyed the mince pie, stashed presents in stockings, straightened a picture, deleted the evidence off the camera and returned up the chimney.

PLANET Z

As an answer to St. Patrick’s Day revelries and mayhem, Father O’Reilly came up with Christmas in March.
Despite promoting the sermon as best he could… I mean, two trays of Oreo cookies instead of one… well, the pews were more empty than usual.
So, the next year, he got a bunch of kegs and pizzas, throwing a St. Patrick’s bash.
The next morning, the church was a mess.
Trash, vomit, clothes everywhere.
But the collection box was stuffed to overflowing.
O’Reilly committed to a sermon-party every Sunday.
And the pews were removed to make room for the dance floor.

Who is the most evil clown on television?
Some say it’s Pennywise from It, who lures children into the sewers to kill them through gruesome pranks.
Others say it’s The Joker, who is constantly threatening Gotham City with deadly terror attacks, which sometimes aren’t stopped in time by the Batman.
I think it’s Ronald McDonald, who has peddled his hamburgers, fries, and shakes to billions of people.
Unleashing an epidemic of heart disease, obesity, high blood pressure, and diabetes across the world.
Well, there’s also that clown in the Spawn comics and movies, but nobody reads or watches that crap.

• Richard
• Serendipidy
• Lizzie
• Duane
• Norval Joe
• Scribbling Wren
• Planet Z

RICHARD

Speed

The blue lights in my rear-view mirror weren’t exactly unexpected.

Sighing, I pulled over, wound down my window, and waited for the inevitable.

“Any idea why I’ve stopped you, sir?”

“I’m sorry” I said, “I know I was speeding, I’m late for an interview and thought I’d take a chance.”

He seemed pleasantly surprised I’d ‘fessed up, and following the obligatory breath test, which was negative, gave me the obligatory lecture and ticket.

With a final “Drive carefully, sir”, he let me go.

Honesty is always the best policy. Especially when you’ve a dead body stashed in the back!

SERENDIPIDY

Physics is important!

For example -terminal velocity: The maximum speed you’ll attain before you slam into the ground at over a hundred miles per hour. You’ll reach that in less than ten seconds.

Knowing that, I just need to find a good, high, cliff to throw you off. No need for the hassle and expense of chartering a plane and bribing the pilot, in fact, nobody else would ever need to know.

That’s apart from you, of course.

But, by the time you’ve figured out what I’m doing, you’ll have less than ten seconds to think about it.

Happy landings!

LIZZIE

It was great to live in a remote village. No hurry. No stress. And no pollution, they told him, a stern look on their faces. He got rid of the car, of course. He wouldn’t want to antagonize the villagers. One day, he dropped a knife on his foot (don’t ask) and there was no doctor close by. It looked bad… He wrapped his foot up and they said “take this, it’s fast”. Well… not. The darn moped died three times on him. And when he reached the doctor, there was an odd bird hopping behind him. No stress, huh?

DUANE

“Test of the new light-speed drive is ready to commence. May what we accomplish today be a testament to the ingenuity of all humankind. Coordinates locked in and we are awaiting your command, sir”

“Engage.”

“We over shot the planet by half a parsec, sir. Adjusting for time differential. New coordinates locked in. Awaiting command.”

“Engage.”

“Ok, that was a bit much the other direction. Adjusting. I have new coordinates locked. Awaiting comm…”

“ENGAGE!”

“Uh, just a little further and we should be near the planet. New coordinates are locked and ready, sir. Sir? I’ll just go ahead and engage.”

NORVAL JOE

The bully didn’t see Billbert flying toward him as he concentrated on throttling Sabrina. Billbert hit him, side on, at full speed, yanking his grip free from Sabrina’s throat.
“Get out of here,” Billbert yelled at the girls as he and the bully tumbled across grass, away from the sidewalk.
Sabrina didn’t waste any time and ran back toward the school office.
Linoliamanda stood there, looking confused.
Knowing the element of surprise would wear off, and the bully would pulverize him, Billbert ran to Linoliamanda, grabbed her around the waist, levitated a few inches and shot back down the street.

SCRIBBLING WREN

I believe…

Reuben had been working on his project since March. He was about to prove that Father Christmas was a hoax. It was the big night, Christmas Eve, all quiet in the house except a little mouse stirring his midnight cup of tea.

Reuben had fallen asleep but the Spy Cam was set up and trained on the Fireplace, where a pair of boots appeared and then the man himself.

With a brisk efficiency Santa drained the sherry glass, enjoyed the mince pie, stashed presents in stockings, straightened a picture, deleted the evidence off the camera and returned up the chimney.

PLANET Z

Every few months, I clean out the vacuum cleaner.
No, not the bags… it’s a bagless vacuum.
And I empty out the vacuum’s container after every use.
I clean out the agitator bristles and rollers, cutting tangled threads, scraping and dumping the accumulated junk into a wastebin.
It supposedly works more effectively if you get rid of the accumulated grime.
Sometimes, a big fuzzy clump of cat fur and spider webs gets lodged in there, and it sprays a cloud of dust on the ground.
Which means… I have to run the vacuum over it.
And the cycle begins anew.

• Richard
• Lizzie
• Duane
• Tura
• JRadimus
• Serendipidy
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

RICHARD

Anaheim!

I had to Google Anaheim: Up to then, I’d always thought it was a brand of clothing, or maybe a beer manufacturer.

So, it came as a bit of a shock when I received the email telling me my job was being relocated to Anaheim; a particularly pleasant shock, when I found out my new base shared the same location as Disneyland, with a fabulous climate, amazing attractions, and a buzzing night life.

Of course, I jumped at the opportunity.

And, here I am!

Anaheim, Saskatchewan! Population 210, middle of nowhere, and absolutely nothing to do, at all!

Lucky me!

LIZZIE

“Check the map. Where’s Anaheim?”
“Oh, it’s a place? Sounded like a name.”
“It’s the name of a place. But did you know that Heim is home in German?”
“I wonder if we’ll meet Ana there.”
“Where?”
“At her home.”
“What?”
“It’d be a great name for a pub. Ana’s Pub. Open 24/7!”
“What are you talking about?!”
“Anaheim, the pub.”
“Anaheim isn’t a pub. It’s a huge city.”
“Is it open 24/7 like Ana’s pub?”
“No. It’s closed. Let’s check the map and go to Los Angeles instead.”
“Ah, Ana, the Angel.”
“Stop it! Stop it now!”

DUANE

California has always attracted cults. Must be something in the air. The most nefarious of the California cults started in the orange groves of Anaheim in the late 1950s. Early followers were easy to spot with their big-eared hats that showed “I’m listening.”

The workers at the cults main compound have all taken on new identities. They are not allowed to “break character”. Everyone has that eerie Stepford Wives’ smile and up beat high voice.

Even I find myself playing along. Handing over my hard-earned money. Standing in line for hours. After all, isn’t this the “happiest place on earth.”

TURA
Anaheim
———
After my parents first took me to Disneyland, I always wanted to go again and again. But it would only ever be once, maybe twice a year. We lived in Anaheim, and we would always walk. Although it was just a mile as the crow flies, it seemed far longer. Later, I wondered whether we had taken a deliberately circuitous route, to make it seem further away.

Eventually, I was old enough to go everywhere on my own, even past the chaos of the Santa Ana Freeway. I could go to Disneyland whenever I wanted.

I’ve hardly been there since.

JRADIMUS/JARED

WC827 Cliche

“I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“Sending you our deepest condolences.”

“You’re in our thoughts and prayers.”

“She’s in a better place.”

“At least she’s no longer in pain.”

“It’s so unfair.”

“Fuck cancer.”

When someone you love dies, you hear every cliche in the book. Everyone struggles to know what to say, so they regurgitate the consolations they’ve heard before. They mean well, and I know they want to help. They don’t know what else to do or say, so they say the only things they can think of, and hope it helps.

I know, for me, it did.

WC868 Anaheim

“The happiest place on Earth” – Cheesy as it is, I’ve tried to make it real.

I adopted Anaheim as my hometown when I moved here over 18 years ago to be near the woman that would become my wife for almost 17 years. Orange County is my turf. I’ve lived at the same address here longer than any other address in my life. Trish passed in January, 2022. Anaheim isn’t as happy as it used to be. But it would dishonor her life if I didn’t try to make it ‘the happiest place on Earth’ for me again. I’m trying.

SERENDIPIDY

Fifth floor, last door on the left. You can’t miss the brass name plate on the door: ‘Ana Heim, Dental Technician’.

No need to knock, just go through and take a seat. She’s expecting you.

Please don’t be alarmed at the screams from the consulting room, it’s really nothing to worry about.

Neither should you be concerned about the trails of blood on the waiting room floor. Ana knows what she’s doing.

She’s old school, and operates with the steely precision and ruthlessness for which the Germans pride themselves.

And, she’s good.

You’ll never need to see a dentist again!

NORVAL JOE

Billbert charged away from the bullies, down Main Street and turned onto Anaheim Avenue, headed toward home expecting to hear two sets of footfalls chasing him. All was silent as he stumbled to a stop. They weren’t following.
He wanted to go back and check on Sabrina and Linoliamanda, but didn’t want to risk being seen by the bullies.
Billbert levitated and flew just above the pine trees to where he could see the larger boy with his hand at Sabrina’s throat.
Incensed that the jerk would pick on a girl, Billbert shot forward at full speed, tackling the boy.

PLANET Z

When Father would come home drunk, Little Ana hid in the shed.
The stink of fertilizers, burning her eyes.
Father, stomping and grumbling.
Her hands, clutching garden shears.
The beat of her heart.
Louder. Faster.
Would Father pass out this time?
God, please?
Or would he pull open the door and…
Father retches loudly, falls with a thud.
Ana will have to clean him up tomorrow.
Relieved, Ana opened the shed door.
Father, standing there, vomit down his chin.
He grabbed her, a loud moan, and fell, shears buried in his chest.
Ana will have to clean him up tomorrow.

• Richard
• Lizzie
• Serendipidy
• Duane
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

RICHARD

Irresistible

You’d think that being identical twins, my brother and I would have equal chances with girls, but the truth of the matter was it was him the girls found completely irresistible.

Sure, we both had the good looks, but I never made the effort that he did.

He was the one who was always effortlessly stylish: Designer clothes, expensive aftershave, the works. He even got a monthly manicure.

No wonder the girls loved him.

But they were inevitably disappointed – he was gay!

I may have been second best.

But, thanks to him, it was me who got the girl!

LIZZIE

It was irresistible.
Tick tock, tick tock.
3am.
Tick tock, tick tock.
Let the hunt begin.
The silence of a heartbeat on the wall.
3am and here we go, three hours till dawn.
I have mapped it all out in my head. Left, left, right and left.
And there’ll be the gate.
Tick tock, tick tock.
I won’t run this time. I’ll zigzag from shadow to shadow. Quietly. Slowly.
Tick tock.
The door creaked a loud alarm.
Tick tock. Tick, tock. Tick, tock.
And I ran. I just ran.
But… I was caught again.
Tick…
I was caught…
Tock.

SERENDIPIDY

I’m irresistible.

It’s certainly not my looks that the boys are drawn to. Rubbery, scaly skin tends to repel, rather than attract.

I’ve no need for expensive perfumes. No fragrance can hide the smell of fish and seaweed, brine and silt that accompany my presence. They are hardly inviting!

And yet, when I sing, men find me utterly irresistible.

My voice reaches out across the ocean, compelling and captivating. It seduces and cajoles, drawing the unwary to their doom, inviting the entranced to a cold and watery grave.

I am the Siren, and my song is calling to you.

Irresistible.

DUANE

Free fall is the ultimate trip. No sense of falling. No sense of the fear that was overwhelming standing at the cargo door. Just floating through space and the clouds.

Now the ground rush begins. The details of houses and cars come into view. It’s almost time to pull the handle and deploy the parachute. There is an irresistible urge to not pull it. What would the experience be like? Would there be pain? What would be the last thoughts? The feeling of control is as powerful as the free fall. Make a decision now. Action or inaction. Do it.

(Music: Shamanic Rain Dance by Conca Varol)

NORVAL JOE

With two large bullies in front of him and two girls behind, Billbert had the irresistible urge to run. Since irresistible means a person cannot resist such an urge, Billbert ran. Not back between Sabrina and Linoliamanda, but toward the bully blocking his path.
Using a slight boost of his flying power, he jumped over the boys, landing about ten feet beyond them.
He realized that running made him look like a total wimp and not wanting to look bad in front of the two girls, he shouted, “If you want to beat me up, you’ll have to catch me.”

PLANET Z

I stocked up on popsicles, unsweetened applesauce, yogurt, and pudding today.
They’re all soft foods, which I’ll need after the dental surgery scheduled for next week.
I’d have waited to buy all this the day before, but I don’t like to wait until the last minute.
It rolls around my mind until I give in and just do it.
The problem is, now the fridge and freezer is full of this stuff.
And i need to eat the things in there I won’t be able to eat and will go bad.
Nah, I say, as I open a pudding cup.

• Richard
• Lizzie
• Serendipidy
• Duane
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

RICHARD

Only words

It doesn’t matter what I say, or how I say it; the truth of the matter is that all you ever seem to hear are the wrong words.

You hear only want you want to hear, twisting and misinterpreting what I say to your own ends, and turning them against me.

I don’t know where it all went wrong, or why you changed.

I never changed.

Why haven’t I left? After all, that’s what you want, isn’t it?

But I’ll never leave.

Because I still believe you can change again.

And once more, we can be the way we were.

LIZZIE

The way we were always using the wrong words was a waterproof ticket to getting ourselves into a bottomless pit of trouble. It was definitely not safe to poke the beast but we insisted on doing it. At some point, we even came up with a language of our own. “Speaking in an unknown language won’t get you out of this mess,” she said, her eyes rolling in a remarkably odd way. We wanted to laugh but we didn’t, of course. Instead, we underlined random words in her books. Till this day, she keeps trying to figure it all out.

SERENDIPIDY

You imagine you’re safe.

Hiding away in the depths of the forest, far from the sounds of village life, you shun the daylight, sneaking out only under the cover of darkness, snatching a few stolen leftovers from the cooking fires, and covering your tracks at the first hint of dawn.

You imagine you’re safe, but you’re not at all.

You will never be safe.

And when the next full moon rises, the men of the village will seek you out, hunt you down and drag you, kicking and screaming to the elders.

A virgin sacrifice.

Cast into the bottomless pit.

DUANE

I looked over the old leather box with my flashlight. Somehow it had remained waterproof. Inside was a small delicate sheet of yellowed paper. In the center were two diagonal lines and an arrow pointing away from them. I held out the paper for my guide to see.

“I have heard stories of that mark being found in caves near my village,” he said.

“You are about to embark on a great adventure, my friend.”

I was excited, but didn’t think I could solve the meaning of the symbol before my time ran out. Maybe I’ll come back next week.

NORVAL JOE

Billbert frowned at Sabrina. “These two guys aren’t from the Guild of the Dark Knights. They’re just bullies.”
“That’s right,” the one in the middle of the sidewalk said. “We’re bullies and we’re going to beat the crap out of you. Bringing girls with you isn’t going to keep you safe.”
Sabrina spoke a word from an unknown language and clouds began to gather around them.
Billbert smirked. “I hope your jacket’s waterproof, because you’re about to get really wet.”
The bully stepped forward laughing. “My mom always said a little rain never hurt anyone, but my fist sure has.”

PLANET Z

When Sadie was born, she was constantly making noise.
Laughing, screaming, cooing.
And then, her first words.
At first, her parents thought they were babble words.
But they were utterly incomprehensible.
“We’re not sure what they are,” said the experts.
Colleges and universities around the world worked on the mystery for weeks, until one researcher figured it out.
“Does she have candy in her mouth?” she asked.
Sadie’s parents pulled a lolipop out of her mouth, and the kid swore up a storm.
“This is the last time we let the doctor give her those after a visit,” they said.