Category: Weekly Challenge

• Richard
• Lisa
• Lizzie
• Serendipidy
• Tom
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

The next topic is webcam

LISA

Trolling Trolling Trolling
After adding a filter Sherry uploaded the photo and waited for the influx of comments and messages. She believed everything horrible posted; it was only a fresh flurry of negativity that washed the first lot away.
She counted the negative comments as they came in. Already they were up to 25 in just three minutes. As usual, she hovered over Delete Post.
Then a comment popped up “YOU STINK!”
She laughed. Knowing she HAD forgotten deodorant that morning. But how would they know? And did it matter?
It didn’t. She felt she’d turned a corner and posted happily ever after.
Thanks for organising… Hope you well

RICHARD

— Fragrant —
I could see immediately that something wasn’t quite right. It was the grimace and the way she screwed up her nose in disgust that gave it away.
“Is there something wrong” I asked, gingerly.
Frowning, she responded “I don’t quite know how to tell you this, but, honestly, you stink!”
Well, I’d say she knew exactly how to tell me what was on her mind!
“I’m sorry, it’s my job. The chemicals I have to work with…” my voice tailed off in resignation.
“No, it’s not that. It’s that bloody aftershave that you always insist on wearing. It’s absolutely foul!”

LIZZIE

You stink. Give me your clothes. I’ll wash them. Why not? You can’t stay here if you stink. You’re going to stink up the whole place. Give them to me. Hurry up. I don’t have all day to deal with this. Well, you’re going to put something else on, of course. What do you mean? Where are all your clothes, then? You what?! Why would you do that? Because it’s crazy. Now, you have no clothes. Give me your clothes right now. What are you doing? No, no. Ok, keep them on, just don’t…
A scream and some laughter ensued.

SERENDIPIDY

Here’s the problem with being one of the undead. One you’ll never read about in books, or see in the movies, although it should be obvious, really.
The fact of the matter is that you stink.
All that rotting flesh, decay, and hanging around in crypts and graveyards has a fairly predictable outcome.
Then, there’s our diets, and what follows from feasting on large quantities of protein and blood.
As for personal hygiene… When did you ever hear of a vampire or zombie taking a nice, long, hot shower?
You may not hear us coming, but you’ll definitely smell us!

TOM

Reset

To preform is too fail. A near infinite gathering of uncontrollable factors can bring your magic trick to its knees, if your trick had actually knees. While in the current polite culture we live, we aren’t likely to hurl vegetables at a magician. All the same one should not discount the possibility one strongly opinionated person might offer the following insightful review of your work: you suck. It hurts no less if it just lingers in their eyes. I can take solace is a story told by Jim Cary when a guy from the audience tossed a piss soaked towel in his face. Now that active suckiness.

NORVAL JOE

The cops lifted the intruder. Harry made a face. “Dang, buddy. You stink.” And they dragged him out the door.

“What did that guy want?” Billbert asked.

His mother watched out the window as the police drove away. “He wanted to know where Sabrina is.”

“He was wasting his time.” Billbert shrugged. “We don’t know where she is.”

“Not exactly,” Mr. Weinerheimer raised his eyebrows at his wife.

His wife nodded. “A clairvoyant from work found her in a house near Highland Avenue and Nevada Street and said she’s safe.” Before Billbert could move, she added, “It’s late. Go to bed.”

PLANET Z

Clarence fell out of a tree and broke his leg when he was seven. He was in a cast for a few months. Still, he wanted to go outside and play with his friends, even though he was on crutches. He ended up all dirty and muddy and scratched up every day, his mother had to hose him off outside. Dirt would still get inside the cast, and they had to replace it twice to keep his skin from petrifying. The day the cast came off, he tried to get up the tree again and fell and broke his other leg.

• Richard
• Lisa
• Lizzie
• Serendipidy
• Tom
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

The next topic is You stink!

LISA

We’d just gone out for some smokes. That was all. It’s not like there’s much else to do when the powers out is there? It was a hot day – tempers had been frayed. Then the air con stopped working. Alarms started beeping down the street. I tried a light switch and nothing!
They called us animals in court. Like we’d hunted in a pack. Scapegoats is what we were. They were making an example of us. I mean, the door was open. I left the cash on the counter. It’s hardly my fault if some looter took it is it?

RICHARD

— Dead Man’s Hand —
Dad always won at poker.
It didn’t matter, we only played for pennies, the only thing at stake was pride. Still, it would have been nice to win more than once in a while.
It was his thing though, and we spent many an evening happily playing cards and enjoying a bottle of bourbon.
He’s been gone a while now, and I miss those evenings together.
I found his old pack of cards whilst clearing out some boxes, so I invited the boys round for a game.
Now we know how he always won.
Sixty three cards in the pack!

LIZZIE

He packed a bag and grabbed the jeep. It’s urgent, they said. And off he went. The terrain was rugged, the whole trip a disaster. A flat tire. The jeep started leaking oil. When it finally died, he was stranded in the middle of nowhere. What now? That’s when they appeared. He had never seen them, their faces painted, their hair braided with long strings of many colors. They didn’t talk, but he could hear them. Need help? He nodded. When he woke up, he got dressed, packed a bag and grabbed the jeep. He wondered. Where would they be?

SERENDIPIDY

I was raised by a pack of wolves; abandoned in the forest, left to fend for myself, they found me, nurtured me and kept me safe.
I learned their ways, lived as one of them, earned their respect and their loyalty.
And now I am the alpha.
I am in control, and they obey me, protect me, with their very lives if necessary.
And tonight, we hunt.
Do you hear the chill howls as we approach?
Do you see the red glow of our eyes?
The snapping and flash of our teeth?
And, when you cry wolf.
No-one will hear.

TOM

52!

For five years I have traveled everywhere with packs of cards. Waiting for open heart surgery, In church during church. At tables to dinner at tables to vote. I have created a number of pack tricks which I call the COVID Collection. I going to present my best full pack trick this Tuesday in Oakland for the 100-year meeting of the oldest magic club West of the Mississippi. The pack produces four Royal Flushes in a row. Then four Straight Flushes. It’s called Primo Vi-gintillion. Still working on story to frame the impossible. Got the how, lookn for the why.

NORVAL JOE

Billbert’s dad quickly tied up the unconscious intruder and called the police.

When they arrived, Mr. Withybottom told the officer, “He said he was looking for Sabrina Hecksaohos.”

The officer gave Billbert and Mandy the side eye. “I know you two. You claimed your butler was poisoning someone.”

Mandy scowled at him. “John did poison my dad and he just tried to kidnap us in front of the police station.”

The cop laughed. “We found that guy wandering around and waving a gun.” He turned to his partner. “Harry. Pack up this perp and let’s go talk to the butler.”

PLANET Z

Every year I buy a new hurricane preparedness pack with several weeks of dehydrated meals. I donate the old one too the local food pantry. Lots of other people do this, so the county is up to the rafters with dehydrated, eggs, and chicken cacciatore. The water purification tablets have a much longer shelf life, but sometimes I forget and leave those in the packs and have to buy new ones of those too. Does bottled water expire? I don’t know. I’ve seen a few cases of those at the food pantry, so maybe I should donate those as well.

• Richard
• Lisa
• Lizzie
• Serendipidy
• Tom
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

The next topic is Pack

RICHARD

— Snooze —
What’s that beeping?
Mostly still asleep, brain barely functioning, it slowly dawns on you: The alarm is going off.
Clumsily, you fumble for the hateful thing at the side of the bed, hitting the snooze button, before crashing back into the pillows for the next ten minutes.
It’s not like this in the movies.
No -one ever hits snooze in films.
They either hurl the offending article across the room, or wake pleasantly refreshed; no yawning, hair and makeup pristine, sheets artfully draped across them, hiding anything remotely offensive.
The alarm sounds again.
I hit snooze.
Ten more minutes, please.

LISA

What’s that Beeping?
It hasn’t been a first date like in the movies. He’d come round to mine but my smoke alarm needed new batteries and was beeping. He went to get some and didn’t come back… not meant to be. I necked the wine and spent the evening scrolling facebook. Then I saw, in a local community group, a picture of a car wrapped around a signpost. One person seriously injured & taken to the General. It was him! I went straight to the hospital, pretended to be family and here I am listening to the beeping of his life support machine.

LIZZIE

That way. No, this way. And they continued to argue even though the signpost was right there. A policeman approached and asked where they were going. They stuttered. The policeman frowned. Bicycles, they said. The policeman pointed to the rent sign and waved them away. But… What if…, one of them started. The policeman rolled his eyes and jokingly asked where they hid the body. How did he know?! No more asking for directions. There was only one possible way. The End. Funny how an open-ended story can be as annoying as people who don’t know where they are going.

SERENDIPIDY

You passed the signpost a good half hour ago, the one that said three miles to go.
Surely, it can’t be much further?
You peer into the darkness… It’s the middle of nowhere, you’ve no signal and the satnav is blank.
Perhaps you took a wrong turning somewhere along the way?
Suddenly, the car engine stutters and dies. You roll slowly to a halt.
The silence presses in.
You’re alone.
Guess you should just sit tight until the morning and make the best of it.
Except it’s never quite that simple in the movies.
Are you afraid?
You should be!

TOM

It was a good Gig

Gary was a Federal Information Designer. His job was boring, but his hidden quest was bright and shine-y. He wanted highway signs to be bright and shine-y. His office was piled high with Sample Signposts. Lots of vermilion and forms straight out of the Memphis movement. For a dyed in the wool bureaucrat, he sure had a deep exult for glitter, I mean rainbow glitter. It of a tip there. The sample signpost that got him promoted had 47’s face in the middle. And it was gold plates. With orange lettering. It was impossible to understand, just like the man.

NORVAL JOE

“What’s that beeping?” Mandi asked as they climbed the ashlar steps to the open front door.

“It’s the panic alarm. Wait here,” Billbert said, levitated, and soundlessly entered the house.

Like a scene in the movies, a man in a mask held a gun on Billbert’s parents.

His mother made eye contact and quickly looked away. Fortified by her superpower of efficiency, Billbert knew what to do when she nodded.

He shot forward as both his parents dropped to the floor. Billbert grabbed the intruder, lifted him, and slammed him into the wall.

The gun flew from the thug’s hand.

NORVAL JOE

After weed had been decriminalized in the city, Bradley sold at the late night Pink Floyd show at the Science Center planetarium.
“We’re here to make sure everybody plays nice,” said the cops.
Bradley thanked them for their service, offered up free samples.
Bradley went back to selling, checking IDs and taking photos to cover his ass if someone was buying for a kid again.
Bradley was a businessman, not a crook.
“Come back when you’re 21,” he’d say.
Parents appreciated that. And then bought from him.
He even got an entrepreneur of the year award from the Rotary Club.

• Lisa
• Richard
• Serendipidy
• Tom
• Lizzie
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

The next topic is PICK TWO: What’s that beeping?, Signpost, Sample, In the movies, Ordered

LISA

At the homeless Shelter
Cheryl was soon to be divorced. She’d been volunteering at a pop-up feeding station for the city’s homeless.
She’d watched her ex enter in the reflection of the tea urn and was pleased she was getting the chance to say goodbye. Despite a multi-million-pound fortune he’d said he was bankrupt so couldn’t pay any alimony and then simply disappeared.
She poured tea for the recent arrivals.
Her husband got a special cup with poison added. Lawyers were hired and found his hidden funds, paintings and offshore accounts. Cheryl inherited it all and opened a permanent homeless shelter.

RICHARD

— Reflective —
What do I see?
Not the person I am now.
I see the passage of time.
The hair, now greying, testament to the passing of the years; the lines and blemishes of a face, now careworn and weary from toil.
A frown, where once there was laughter; eyes that no longer sparkle; a face full of character, if we are to be kind.
A face growing old, if we are to be honest.
She appears behind me, peering over my shoulder.
“What are you looking at?” She asks.
“Just reflections” I murmur, and close my eyes to hide the tears.

SERENDIPIDY

I like the hall of mirrors.
I like the distorted reflections, the ungainly bodies, the twisted and deformed torsos.
I like to imagine that what I see in the mirrors is a reflection of the true inner character of those who stand before them – the real person that lives within all of us.
But when I stand before those mirrors, I see perfection.
A person standing tall and proud; the broken soul, hidden deep within.
In the hall of mirrors, only I appear unblemished: Beautiful.
But just wait until I emerge into the world outside.
And reveal my true self.

TOM

A rich interior Life

When I saw the topic reflections a fragment of a lyric screamed up in my thoughts. After changes upon changes, we are more or less the same. But try as I may I could remember the line that went before. So I searched and found it was more reflective then the first. “I am older than I once was And younger than I’ll be But that’s not unusual No, it isn’t strange After changes upon changes We are more or less the same After changes we are More or less the same.” The poetry of my youth is always there.

LIZZIE

A dream covered in blue. The sun spying on the curl of my soul. Twists and turns and fears and so many futures waiting, just waiting.
A dream covered in red. The sun no more. Just the rage, the blinding rage of powerlessness. And the anger and the hatred and all the gloomy futures in complete darkness, wailing in silence and waiting, just waiting.
And then, my dream covered in time. The sun again. The sky so clear. The twists and turns of my future, waiting to be sheltered in blue and blue and blue. Maybe tomorrow. Yes, maybe tomorrow…

NORVAL JOE

John pulled out a gun, motioning Billbert and Mandi toward his car. In the vehicle’s window, Billbert saw their reflections and John was distracted, no longer watching them. He wanted to drag the guy into the air and drop him, but then John would know Billbert’s superpower.

Instead, Billbert grabbed him, levitated forward rapidly, and stopped abruptly. The man was weightless as Billbert held him, but regained his mass as Billbert threw him forward.

John landed yards away in some bushes.

Billbert and Mandi ran around a corner before lifting into the sky and flying safely back to Billbert’s house.

PLANET Z

After centuries of industrial pollution, Earth was no longer able to sustain life.
Undrinkable water, unbreathable air, unfarmable land.
Nearly every species extinct and stored as a set of genetic sequences in a zoo library.
Humans sent out terraforming pods across the solar system, and when the colonies had been established and stable, humanity left Earth.
And left behind a terraforming pod.
They were literally going to terraform Terra back into Terra.
The AI controller found this somewhat ironic, and then initialized the startup sequence.
A few humans had refused to leave.
The Ai controller watched them burn with satisfaction.

• Lisa
• Richard
• Serendipidy
• Tom

Lizzie

• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

The next topic is Reflections

LISA

Mad World: Tears for Fears
It’s a party; everyone’s my age. I think someone thought it was fancy dress – a nurse chats with someone in the corridor. Maybe I’ve had too much to drink because I’m not too sure where I am, everyone seems familiar but I couldn’t tell you anyone’s name.
I hear the nurse telling someone that wants to leave that it’s a home for people with memory issues & they live here. Heartbreaking really.
I enjoy the music, lots of familiar songs but feel I’m ready to go. The doors locked. The nurse approaches and puts her hand gently on my shoulder.

RICHARD

— Mad —
He had that sign on his desk, you know the one ‘You don’t have to be mad to work here, but it helps”.
It was that sort of inappropriate attitude that had led to this meeting today, not that it would matter soon.
“Jeff, I’ll come straight to the point. You’re fired.”
His face was a picture, “Fired? But, why?”
I shrugged. “You know, the usual… spending cuts, the economy, rationalisation. And, oh yes, you’re crap at the job!”
“But what’ll I do?”
I grabbed the sign, handing it to him. “You’ll fit in – it’s a mad world out there!”

LIZZIE

The pictures on his wall looked old. Was he ever in Paris, she asked. He shrugged. The stamp, what was it, she asked. He shrugged. And the certificate, she asked. He shrugged. I’m starting to doubt this is your home. It isn’t, he replied. Her heart started racing. Why did you bring me here? He chuckled. Is it your mother’s home? He lowered his eyes and pointed. The door was closed. Don’t go in there, she thought. You’ll understand, he said. She opened the door. The woman was sitting, her rocking chair moving gently, her mummified fingers clutching a knife.

TOM

The Opening scene

Sometimes a line is drawn and everything on one side is consider old and
quaint. The other is the new new. There was everything before Star Wars
and everything after. It all happened in a weeks’ time. Guys in San
Fransisco were screaming about this new sci-fi movie. So, I got the last
ticket to the midnight show. The excite in the room was through the
roof. Cheers at the opening title. Then a beautiful space ship crosses
the screen … and a battleship fill the screen. People screamed I
screamed. Greatest single moment I ever had in a theater.

Mad World

One turn to the left instead of one right, your whole life would have
been a different life, filled with different people, like the Pope. It
is highly possible I meet the Pope as a kid. I am sure I was in the same
rooms as him. I was accepted to the same seminary he attended. The high
school I did attended was literally across the street from the
Augustinian Major seminary. In school we were on student government, ran
the year book, on the debate team. It’s a mad world when one degree of
separation separates you from the pope.

SERENDIPIDY

Six days now since the world went mad.
All my fault, of course. Who else would it have been?
It was me that sent the offensive messages, and that’s all it took.
Everything else was simply down to human nature; the need to retaliate, the sense of entitlement, the propensity to blow things up out of proportion.
On day two, warning shots were fired. Day three, all-out war. And now, the few who are left are picking up the pieces.
Thanks to a few insulting messages, the world’s gone mad.
But it was a mad world to begin with.

NORVAL JOE

Billbert frowned. “Well. We can’t let John kill you and your mother. It would be a mad world without you. Empty husks and all that. Still, in this world, you can’t poison people and get away with it. We need to go to the police.”

Mandi hesitated, then nodded.

They flew to the police station and landed in the back alley.

When they told the officer their story, he shook his head. “If there was evidence of poisoning, we surely would have found it by now. Go home and rest your imaginations.”

John was waiting for them outside the station.

PLANET Z

I can never remember how many times the word mad appears in the title of the film. Let’s just call it. It’s a mad world. spotting classic and then current comedians in cameos must’ve been fun. Although there is nothing sadder than seeing the mummified remnants of the three stooges show up as fireman. not even the real three stooges. Shemp and curly were long dead, and Joe Derita there gawking like a fish out of water. Or was it Joe Besser? Hella fine now. And I don’t feel like watching the movie again. Or looking it up on Wikipedia.

• Lisa
• Richard
• Serendipidy
• Tom
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

The next topic is Mad World

NORVAL JOE

Billbert felt like Luke Skywalker saving Leia from Jabba the Hutt. He wiped his hands on his pants legs, held them out, and said, “Let’ go.”

“I can’t.” Mandi turned away and Billbert followed, floating into the room.

“Why not?” he asked, touching down on the bedroom carpet.

She turned back to him, her eyes filled with anguish. “John says he’ll kill me and my mother, like he killed my father.”

Billbert gasped. “Your father’s dead?”

“No,” Mandi said. “He’s in the hospital.”

“Then…” Billbert began to ask.

Mandi blinked back tears. “John admitted he has been poisoning my father.”

TOM

It’s not common knowledge, but the stars are at war.
However, it all happens very, very slowly, so you’re hardly likely to notice, but trust me, it’s happening.
Those meteors you see in the night sky… interstellar ballistic missiles. And comets? Galactic cluster bombs. And those aren’t asteroid belts scattered through space, but gigantic minefields.
We’ve mostly nothing to worry about, because we’re not stars, are we?
Nevertheless, in any war, mistakes can be made. Missiles can go off course, and there is always collateral damage.
And when it happens, forget slowly.
It’ll all be over very, very quickly indeed!

SERENDIPIDY

It’s not common knowledge, but the stars are at war.
However, it all happens very, very slowly, so you’re hardly likely to notice, but trust me, it’s happening.
Those meteors you see in the night sky… interstellar ballistic missiles. And comets? Galactic cluster bombs. And those aren’t asteroid belts scattered through space, but gigantic minefields.
We’ve mostly nothing to worry about, because we’re not stars, are we?
Nevertheless, in any war, mistakes can be made. Missiles can go off course, and there is always collateral damage.
And when it happens, forget slowly.
It’ll all be over very, very quickly indeed!

RICHARD

— Star Wars —
Never really understood all the fuss about Star Wars.
I read the book before I saw the movie, and even then I watched it on TV. I vaguely recall the second one, and all I can remember about the third one: teddy bears, zipping through the forest on skateboards… something like that, anyway.
I’ve not seen any of the prequels, sequels or spin offs, and I’ve no interest in any of the nonsense around what order you’re supposed to watch them, not that I’m ever going to.
But, I’ll admit the cantina band was awesome.
And Princess Leia? Hot stuff!

LISA

Star Wars
I think most people remember their first cinema trip. I went with Nan to see Star Wars. It wasn’t the film that was memorable though. There’d been a spate of attacks and women had been advised to not go out at night. Nan was having none of that – she went out more than ever before.
Good on her you’d think; why should she live in fear. But Nan went out with a knife. A big sharp carving knife that wouldn’t even fit in her handbag. She’d brandished it as she walked and got arrested after the film outside the cinema.

PLANET Z

Back when Star Wars came out, kids would brag about how many times they saw it.
Five, ten, fifteen.
Stacy said she lost count.
Her family ran the drive-through over the county line, where you could sell beer.
It used to be a farm out there, but they’d show old movies on a bedsheet on Friday nights in the summer and it grew from there.
They built the drive-in, then the liquor store and a nice house from all the money coming in.
Their old trailer became a grow house, and we’d smoke weed while watching the original trilogy.

• Lisa
• Richard
• Lizzie
• Serendipidy
• Tom
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

The next topic is Star Wars

LISA

Opening Night

After centuries keeping marauders out the drawbridge was lifted and Castle Rock Hotel was finally open for business. The battle to turn the Castle into a hotel had been a long one and after extensive remodelling the Charm and character of a period property had been retained. It was so sympathetically modernised the National Trust heralded the project as a masterwork. They’d got rid of mice, woodworm and damp to ensure a warm welcome for guests. Doors, Floors and radiators had been silenced to ensure a good night’s sleep for its patrons so the first review hit hard: ‘Uncomfortable Pillows’.

RICHARD

— When You Gotta Go —

How would you like to go?
Personally, I’ve no interest in the usual boring ways. Forget the sudden heart attack, catastrophic stroke, or the Big C, those aren’t for me.
And let’s not go down the route of car accidents, or anything of that sort – just too messy… I want to be recognisable after I’m gone!
So, what does that leave us with?
A pillow over the face. And I trust that when the time comes, you’ll do the job?
If not, I guess I’ll resort to Plan B:
You’ll find me frozen solid one morning, naked in the snow.

LIZZIE

The rules are clear. No pillows, no napping, no jackets.
But it’s snowing.
Yes, so?!
So, it’s cold.
The root of the problem is that people are too squirmish; toughen up!
Toughen up, toughen up; my feet hurt, and besides, why no pillows?
Find your way to the castle.
And why no jackets?
Weapons, you could hide them.
And why no napping?
Because… all these questions.
Well, yes, you have a nice warm jacket; and the rules make no sense; the castle is in ruins.
OK, you can have a pillow.
You know what, get lost, you and your bloody rules.

SERENDIPIDY

Find yourself a good, young, fresh human being. Nice firm flesh, and without blemish, preferably still warm.
Pick a dark winter night to perform the ritual, somewhere bleak and remote and, at midnight under a full moon, bury them deep, naked in the snow.
Utter the prayer of making in the ancient language and perform the sacrifice, spilling blood upon the ground.
Then wait.
In the fullness of time, the corpse will begin to take root; drawing new energy from the fertile earth below.
And, come the spring thaw, you can plant your carrots there and have a bumper harvest!
TOM

Rath

Rath was a pheasant … wait he was a Peasant. And as peasant go an extraordinaire peasants. Wait he was extra at being ordinaire. Rath held Fidelity to his lord. Which ment he did the work and the lord got his daily bread out of the deal. So what did Rath get out of the deal. Well protection from hordes of housemen who used peasants for target practice. A serious plus there. E-ticket to tall castle; good. A system of rules set in stone for generations. One man got everything, one man not, because he who has the castle rules.

NORVAL JOE

Billbert flew to the Withybottom mansion. In the dark of night, it appeared like an abandoned castle in the Scottish wilds. Circling the building, he found a third-floor room with the lights on.

He peered through the window and saw Mandi sitting on the end of her bed, clutching a pillow. He tapped the glass.

Mandi jumped and ran to the window, opening it.

Billbert held onto the windowsill for balance.

She looked at Billberts hands. “You probably shouldn’t touch that. John has had me locked in my bedroom for a week, and I haven’t had access to a bathroom.”

PLANET Z

Mario laughed as the giant creature fell into the lava lake. All he had to do now is get the princess out and collect his reward. Except, the towns people said that the woman was not their princess. Their princess was actually in another castle. Mario growled. Then who the fuck is this bitch? He said. The towns people had no idea. Woman said that she was from a land pretty far away, and she’d need some money to get back home. Mario said he’d cover the ride, but it would cost her. She couldn’t shit straight for a week.

• Lisa
• Richard
• Thomas
• Lizzie
• Serendipidy
• Tom
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

The next topic is PICK TWO Castle, Rules, Root, Naked in the snow, A pillow

LISA

Interview with one of the two Plane Crash Survivors
“Marie, What an experience. How did you manage to last nearly a year out there?”
“For a start we had decent bedding. The contents of people’s cases were amazing. Some real luxury treats in there. We’d made a shelter from part of the plane. Most of the fittings had come loose when it crashed so it was easy to gut it between us.”
“Your husband didn’t survive, did he?”
No, and I don’t really want to dwell on what we ate but I think things would’ve been much harder to swallow on a budget airline. Having decent cutlery really helped.

RICHARD

— Thank you for flying —
I think my budget airline of choice is taking the concept of low-cost a little too far.
I understand doing away with cases in the hold, and limiting hand luggage to a single, tiny bag.
And I can’t really quibble over inadequate legroom and lack of refreshments.
I do have concerns, now that they’re charging to use the lavatory, and seatbelts are optional extras.
And last time I flew I had to pay more, just to sit in a seat.
But now I’m drawing the line.
I refuse to supply my own elastic band and wind the propeller myself!

THOMAS

BUDGET AIRLINE

SkyGrind Airlines redefined “bare minimum.” Seats? Replaced by communal perches made of recycled truck tires. Windows? Gone. Now, laser prints glued on walls. The fuselage? A patchwork of old billboard vinyl and repurposed garden fencing.

Flight attendants were unpaid “SkyVolunteers”—contest winners too dazed to decline. Food? Trays of sandwiches… split among rows. Beverage cart? Lukewarm tap water served in jelly glasses, $3.

When the plane tilted, passengers shifted to counterbalance—“dynamic seating,” they called it. Landing gear? Yoga mats. Yet people flew SkyGrind. Why? Tickets cost less than a vending machine burrito. Comfort was a luxury. Survival, an upsell.

LIZZIE

Low cost. This is what you get. A hole on the side of the plane through which two people were sucked out. Three more held on to their seats, one of them with a hole on his head instead. “Transfer the money or else”, they said. The company chose the “or else” obviously. Now, they had to transfer a ton of money, but to the families of the deceased. One of the relatives laughed all the way to the bank. “Transfer the money or transfer the money. From low cost to premium, plus the inheritance, that’s how you do business.”

SERENDIPIDY

So, there you are, enjoying the in-flight entertainment, complementary drink and snacks, congratulating yourself on ditching the budget airline and splashing out on this particular trip.
Until there’s a shudder and sudden sickening drop. The engines start to scream, along with the passengers, oxygen masks drop from the ceiling, and the plane plunges towards the ground.
Then, over the tannoy, you hear the captain’s calm, reassuring voice: “Brace for impact!”
By the way, I’m the captain on this flight, and the reason I’m so calm is because I have a parachute.
Happy landings… I’ll see you on the ground!

NORVAL JOE

His mother took the phone from Billbert’s hand. “Hello. I’m June Weinerheimer and a woman from Child Health and Welfare took Sabrina Hecksaohos from our home to place her with a foster family. May I speak with the supervisor?”

“I’m sorry. Ms. Pickenpaw took a budget airline flight to Mexico a week ago and hasn’t been heard from since. According to privacy policy, only she can give you any information.”

Billbert took his phone when his mother disconnected. “I know where Mandi lives. I’m going to look for her.”

His mother nodded. “I’ll do what I can to find Sabrina.”

TOM

Come Fly With Me

Lenny had just made it to junior partner at Wilcons Spencer and Dakmen. He walking into the room with an air of absolute conviction that he had found the secret sauce that would save Budget airlines. The founder of the airline Slim Walker the third laid his gaze on Lenny. It was the sort of extractive gaze that only the hyper wealth got mustard at will. Lenny returned it will a firm: yup I got your back old man. With that he revealed centerpiece of the new ad campaign: Fly Subterranean Airlines, It’s like you never left the ground.

PLANET Z

Back in The Eighties, there was this airline called Peoples Express. They would collect money or credit card receipts on the plane. There weren’t any movies I think, nothing fancy, and you had to pay for a Coke or peanuts or a small sandwich or whatever. This was after having flown American and United a few times where they gave that stuff away, and had movies and music, so it felt really cheap and miserable. You know, like how things are now with American and United and all those other airlines out there flying and upcharge for everything you want.

• Lisa
• Tom
• Richard
• Lizzie
• Serendipidy
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

The next topic is Budget airline

LISA

A Glimpse of my Future
She’d placed three cards on the table. Face down. Nodding after each was revealed.
“The first I see a man. In uniform he’s tall. I foretell a pursuit.” She turned the final card, and sighed saying “Yes. The chase will be relentless.”
She gathered the cards and returned them to the deck then placed them in her basket. We both moved away from the table together. It was an odd thing to happen, right?
We went through the door together too. An alarm went off and the security guard ran after us. I may never go back to John Lewis.

TOM

990

Somebody bet on da bay.

I had a friend who loved to bet on the ponies. He saw himself as a bit of a handicappers. Loved to play the Trifacta. For you-z whos mother school their children never to lay down a Jefferson on a hag, may not be aware be this gambling term, it means to play a wager on the horse to crossing the finish line in the order 1st 2nd and 3rd. Win Place and Show. Win Place. While my friend poured over each horse’s history in the handicapper’s rags. I just chose my picks on how much I likes the horse’s name.

989

Rabbit Holes

The path of the geek is long and deep. Being in Silicon Valley in the late 70s if you had a cursor interest in Networks you were easily swept up in the techno-Gyr. Spent major time working with Sun, then Red Hat then SUSE. I had a 1200 baud Hayse before it was released to the public. Built a mess of servers. Ran Sendmail. Ran IRC. Ran Apanche. Try my hand at Microsoft’s servers, but frankly, their stuff sucked. Taught Unix class, now I’m just happy to wander around Discord. If your now current everything is above your pay grade.

869

Speed

I think I may be repeating myself. Cus’ the topic seems vaguely familiar. Of courses you would need to be pretty rain-many to remember just shy of 1000 topics. A dim reference to the coolest kid in my high school. Rose Converse. Girl would give James Dean a run for his money. And she did in a shocking blue VW. Spent many night cruzing Spent many nights on the interstate going nowhere fast. Rose had a mayonnaise jar full of white crosses. Pop Em like malted milk balls. It was speed on speed waiting the morning to crash. I smile at the memory.

RICHARD

— A time and a place —
Apparently, I suffer from lack of social awareness. No matter what I happen to be doing, someone will give me a dirty look and mutter, “There’s a time and a place for that!”
Well, that may well be the case, but I’ve yet to find that particular place, and even then, I certainly wouldn’t know the appropriate time.
It’s all so unnecessarily complicated. Who gets to decide what’s appropriate anyway? If I want to do something, then why can’t I decide the time and the place?
Anyway, I’ll have to stop typing now… Somebody else wants to use the toilet!

LIZZIE

Begin at the beginning and rush, rush, rush. In a hurry, in a hurry, always. Everything changes. Everything shifts. Everything ends. Then, you stop. And there’s still nothing. You hoped there would be something. But the tick tock ticked tocked away, faintly. Where to? Tell me, where to? And no one cared… Your place is no more. You stopped. Your loss. Now, there’s nothing you can do about it. And you’re left with that hole you already had, because there was nothing there before and there is nothing there now. Hope? What is hope? Nothing. Yes, the joke’s on you.

SERENDIPIDY

Your trouble is that you’re far too arrogant.
You think you know it all, and that you’re better than anyone else.
Well, don’t even think about trying it on with me, because I won’t think twice about putting you in your place.
And don’t think that just because you’re bigger and stronger than me that I won’t.
Size and strength impresses me as little as your attitude does.
And they’re going to be of little use against my nail gun, and a handful of six inch nails.
They’ll put you firmly in your place.
And they’ll keep you there too!

NORVAL JOE

After school Billbert found his mother working from home.

She looked up from her place at the computer. “What’s wrong, Son? You look worried.”

Billbert shrugged. “It’s been three days since I’ve seen Sabrina or Mandi at school. I wish I could talk to Sabrina.”

His mother dug a business card from her purse. “Here’s Ms. Calabassa’s card. Call her. It’s three-thirty. The office should still be open.”

Billbert punched in the number. When a woman answered, Billbert said, “Hi. I need to talk to Ms. Calabassa.”

“I’m sorry. There is no one here by that name,” the woman replied.

PLANET Z

There are two Italian restaurants in the strip mall across the main road.
One is decent, the other isn’t.
But the decent one doesn’t do garlic bread.
The other does.
So, I order a loaf of garlic bread to take out, and I carry it over to the other restaurant.
I bring it in a bag, and put it on the table in the middle of the meal.
The waitresses don’t say anything about it.
And they know I tip well.
If they have a problem, I’ll just order everything to go from both places.
And not tip at all.

• Lisa
• Richard
• Lizzie
• Thomas
• Ian
• Serendipidy
• Tom
• Norval Joe
• Tom
• Planet Z

The next topic is Place

LISA

The Server
Pete, a medical student, was working part time as a waiter. It’d been a difficult shift a packed restaurant with one particularly rude customer mostly insulting him and questioning his intelligence. He didn’t contradict her.
It was a placement week and the same awful customer had been in a nasty car crash. Her shoulder had come out of its socket; He quickly and efficiently popped it back in. As he left the cubicle she asked if she knew him.
“I was your thicko waiter, the other night.” Pete smiled, “I’ll be back to stitch your facial injuries in a moment.”

RICHARD

— 404 —
It was me.
I was the one who opened the email that brought my laptop down.
And it was my laptop that went on to crash the network and bring the server down.
The same server that went on to trash the data centre, which screwed the web and brought down the internet completely.
Yes, you can blame me for it all.
I’m the one who single-handedly broke the information super highway.
And apparently, it’s not going to be fixed any time soon, so they tell me.
But why not look on the bright side?
No more dodgy emails!

LIZZIE

“Arsenic? We apologize. The server is offline.”
The questions continued until the server was back online.
Everyone resumed clicking their buttons frantically.
Some even chanted “the server is online, the server is online”.
What were the little tables for?
“Roleplay,” was the answer.
She didn’t know where the menu was, but the waiter whispered “no worries”. He’d explain everything.
The needle. What? No.
But but… “the server is back online”.
Now she understood the little joke. “Here, Happy Birthday, have fun”.
She was a widow, a black widow. Go to the RP café and have some arsenic on our tab.

THOMAS

Server

Mr. Liu moved like a shadow through Jade Lantern, his age hidden beneath a crisp blue jacket and knowing smile. He delivered plates of thousand-year eggs and drunken shrimp with eerie precision, never writing orders down, never making a mistake.

One night, a new customer hesitated over a plate of braised eel. Mr. Liu leaned in. “Eat,” he whispered. “It’s watching.”

The man laughed nervously, but Mr. Liu did not. He simply walked away, humming an old tune.

Later, when the plate was empty, the man swore he saw Liu give the eel’s discarded bones a small, approving nod.

IAN

The Server

“Soup’s cold!”

“Well, I didn’t make it!” thinks Larry, apologizing.

“The guy on table 5 says this soup’s cold,” Larry tells the chef.

“Christ, don’t shoot the messenger,” Larry thinks seeing Fat Steve’s violent glare.

Swearing, Fat Steve vindictively overheats it, and Larry takes it back.

“I’m never coming here again!” says the table five guy.

“Good, fuck off!” thinks Larry, heroically maintaining his composure, squeezed in the vice of customer and chef.

Later he reads the feedback on the restaurant app.

Terrible food, worse service.

In bed, he receives his manager’s text message.

See me before your shift tomorrow.

SERENDIPIDY

Whether you’ve enjoyed your meal, or not, please don’t forget to tip the server.
Make it a decent tip too, none of your measly ten or twenty percent. Better still, go the whole hog, the food is cheap enough for you to double-up, a hundred percent seems a reasonable ask to me.
Your server works hard, particularly with what they have to deal with behind the scenes in the kitchen.
So, please consider being generous.
If not, don’t blame me when they wait outside for you with a cleaver.
And you’ll end up as tomorrow’s dish of the day!

TOM

Rabbit Holes

The path of the geek is long and deep. Being in Silicon Valley in the late 70s if you had a cursor interest in Networks you were easily swept up in the techno-Gyr. Spent major time working with Sun, then Red Hat then SUSE. I had a 1200 baud Hayse before it was released to the public. Built a mess of servers. Ran Sendmail. Ran IRC. Ran Apanche. Try my hand at Microsoft’s servers, but frankly, there stuff sucked. Taught Unix class, now I’m just happy to wander around Discord. If your now current everything is above your pay grade.

NORVAL JOE

When Sabrina came back downstairs, she kept her eyes on the floor, not looking at anyone. “There are still a few things I couldn’t fit in my backpack.”

Billbert hugged her. “I’ll bring them to school.”

“Okay. Thanks,” she mumbled and followed Ms. Callabassa out.

Once the door was closed, Billbert asked, “Can’t you follow them, with a satellite through work, or something?”

His mother paused, then with determination, said, “Yes. I think we can.”

They sat at the computer and his mother entered her password to log into the office network.

A message appeared, “Unable to connect to server.”

PLANET Z

The asylum application process was simple.
Get a cell phone from a border agent, download an app, and apply for asylum.
A judge napped in an office while a room full of clerks rubber-stamped applications, and you could print out a certificate, or just show the certificate on your phone to any law enforcement bothering you.
And then the law changed.
The asylum app was shut down, the borders were closed, and the servers were handed over to a new team of clerks.
They gathered up the names and addresses, handed them over to immigration officers, and the raids began.