Weekly Challenge #394 – Voyage

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was VOYAGE.

We’ve got stories by:

The next 100 word stories weekly challenge is on the topic of BURNING.

Use the Share buttons at the end of the post to spam your social networks. This obligatory cat photo should help make the Internet go faster:

Yawny Tinny

Finally, if there are any errors or corrections, please let me know, and I’ll fix them as soon as possible.

MAGGY – NO RECORDING

The voyage had been awkward, slow. Dan threw up a lot. He refused to go near the piano. He repeatedly said he wanted to go back. As for giving a concert with him, it was the silliest idea I had ever had.

He would sit on the desk for hours gazing out at the sea. Meals were brought to his cabin. He appreciated silence.

It was then that I realised his hearing was out of order. A bumpy voyage.
I sat with him most of the time, but I preferred to listen to the music coming from the dining hall.

JOHN – NO RECORDING

An ember smoldering, momentum gathering, even a quiet voice will eventually set fire to the kindle tossed in an effort to cover it, giving light and warmth to those around it. The brilliance of the fresh born flame, its appearance hypnotizing and dangerous in its beauty, it’s energy focused protects those that understand, burning and destroying when improperly tended.

Such is the power of voices; our soul’s message to share. No words are mere words; they have power to create or wreak havoc, shaping the world around accordingly without guile.

Billions of voices, billions of souls. Billions of smoldering embers.

MARCOS – NO RECORDING

My name is Sahil, and i woke up on a boat that was about to crash into a giant cave .I told all the crew members to jump off…..they all die -i stay on the boat and survive ”shit” i said. i (slowly) climb off the boat and see a lonely dragon. i wake it u and ask it for directions.It eats me.I wake up again. im back home next to my mum. her head blows up and blood goes all over my face.It tastes like Ketchup.i eat the rest of her and fall asleep.

MUNSI

That Great Adventure

By Christopher Munroe

My mind is the center of my universe, and no matter where I go, there it is.

Everything I’ve done, every place I’ve travelled, I’m the one constant, the thing that there’s no escaping.

So I’m left with two choices. Continue running, or take time and look deep within, figure out who I am and why, and try to make my peace with that.

That’s no choice.

So, much though the prospect of introspection frightens me, alien though it seems to my worldview, I shall do what I must.

The time has come to voyage to the center of me.

JEFFREY

Does Anybody Really Know What Time It is?
by Jeffrey Fischer

As Daylight Savings Time ends, I embark on the twice-yearly voyage around the house to identify which clocks reset themselves and which ones need the human touch. Computers, cell phones, tablet, DVR – check. Bedside clock – a pleasant surprise. Watches, the microwave and stove, and the coffee maker all require a manual reset.

The disappointing clocks are those in the cars. They can sync with cell phones, they can receive satellite radio signals, and they can reach a person in case of an accident, yet apparently none of the systems can let the clock know what time it is.

Bon Voyage
by Jeffrey Fischer

The anniversary cruise had been booked for a year. Barbie had been packing and re-packing for it for what seemed like an equally long time. Now the moment had arrived. The ship eased away from the dock. Well-wishers at the port cheered, and passengers on deck raised glasses to the receding shoreline.

As the rest of the guests relaxed, Bob’s work started. He needed to slip the tranquilizer into Barbie’s drink at just the right time, then induce her to take a late-night stroll around the upper deck. Finally, when no one could observe him, a well-timed pushed, a frantic call for help, and a convincing display of mourning before he would be rid of the nagging woman once and for all.

JULIE

Voyage

-for Michelle Knight.

The deck was stacked from the start.

Call me Shorty.

They all did.

Call me stupid.

They all did,

took my baby from me.

I was never on a poster,

or a milk carton

I wanted to get the boy a puppy.

I took that ride out of lost desperation.

A last resort.

Instead I ended up,

Tied up like a fish,

An ornament in your basement

For 11 years.

Now, I call on

ME–

indignant survivor

Damaged, transformed

Now I have my voice–

I send yellow balloons

On a voyage

Into the sky

And I

Will not be silent.

TOM

A Well Defined Relationship Part 23

Sparky hit the Hydrogen binder setting on the nano interface. The high
priest floated upward, meatballs intact. Banister tossed an effigy of the
Wayne into the noodlie center of the FSM who bellowed “May the Duke be
with you.” The Pastafarites prostrated themselves before the profit. Dino
Mod’s voice rang out in song, quickly join by the throng. “Ram noodles,
Ram noodles, Hare noodles, noodles noodles.” The Pastafarites locked arms
and swayed in rapture. Mother passed out garlic bread, as the Senator pour
out Dixie cups of red. Doc Proctor’s airship The Voyage pulled-up to the
back of Mea Cupa.

Some peak early, some peak late.

I am exactly five weeks older than Mike Oldfield. While he was composing
Tubular Bells I had successfully mastered tieing my shoes. After following
his career for a number of years I lost track of his music. I was not
impressed by Bells II or III. Sometime in 2002 I found a used Cd of
Voyager. A way Celtic price that was highly lessenable every with its nod
to Riverdance. On the CD cover was a photo of Mr Oldfield looking will a
Malibu surfer. Being English when he and Tony Blair turn 60 neither
looked like a Malibu surfer.

We hardly knew Ye.

Patrick Cuilleanáin had seen his fair share of American Wakes, but being
on the receiving end was quite a different story. “You don’t go soldiering
in them American wars.” His father handed him a 20 pound note. “Find
yourself a good Irish girl.” His mother’s embrace drove the air from his
lungs. “Yes Mum.” he squeaked. A voyage to America was a one way trip.
Every face in that room was a face he would never see again. “A grant
wake it was,” he said walking out the door. Before his steps had faded he
was already dead to them.

LIZZIE

His fingers slid over the keyboard, barely touching each key. Soft sounds echoed in the concert room. He closed his eyes and traveled through an avalanche of sounds, from one piece to the next, from one composer to another, from time and space to silence, the audience suspended in a timeless stillness. He stood up and took a deep bow. You could hear a pin drop. The audience looked at him, mesmerized. “I took you on a voyage. I hope you enjoyed it,” he said. A roar of applause erupted. They were not the same anymore, and they knew it.

DEXTER

Dragooned into Reacting

It was an unsettling situation. My student’s grades were preposterously bad; I’d explored all avenues. It was in vain. Though I try to be positive, there was no incipient of improvement. I relinquished all hope of pursuing the adventure with him.

“If you don’t get a respectable grade, you won’t see me again.”

When we next met, he looked at me with a jaunty smile and said “I got an A!”

I felt a sense of elation as I checked the paper.

“It worked! Here’s a ticket for “Voyage in Space”.”
I knew movies had a cathartic effect on him.

RICHARD

#1 – Sail away (33)

George was acutely aware that his assurances to Emily that all was going to be OK, were pretty meaningless if they couldn’t make their escape.

“What the hell are we going to do?”, he muttered.

“The river!”, came Emily’s reply.

“This is no time for your ‘life is a river’ philosophy, Emily!”

“No… if we can get to the river, we can take a boat!”

Of course! The river flowed right past Fort Hope… to take a boat would be tricky, but not impossible. It would be a nightmare voyage – but no worse a nightmare than they were already in.

#2 – Bon Bon Voyage

The voyage had been meticulously planned – our journey would start in the Balti Sea, (we thought that might curry favour), then sail south, dipping into the Bay of Biscuit, then eastwards and on through the Suet Canal.

Entering the main course of our journey, we planned on taking in some Turkish Delights before turning around to head back westwards, towards distant Cape Cod, stopping off en route to enjoy a large helping of Chile, followed by a maybe just a sliver of Atacama dessert.

All in all, a very tasty itinerary – and, no doubt, a real feast for the senses.

#3 – Land Ho!

After eighteen long months at sea the cry finally went up: “Land ho!” and our hearts leapt at the sound.

Weak from scurvy, and sick from rotten food and bad water, we gazed with joy as the rugged coastline grew steadily closer.

Unsure of our reception and what might lie ahead, we despatched a landing party and waited, with parched lips and hope in our hearts for their return.

Finally, some hours later, they hove into sight.

“What news?”, we called

“It’s no use”, came the reply across the water, “they won’t let us in without valid passports and visas!”

#4 – Martian blues

If they ever offer a voyage to the stars

I certainly wouldn’t want to go to Mars

There’s no atmosphere and the seas are dry

It’s full of dust and there’s no reason why

You’d want to stay in such a place

When there’s better planets for the human race

Send me instead on a voyage to Venus

and who could refuse a trip round Uranus?

There are trendier planets and worlds to explore:

asteroids and meteors and moons, and far more

send me to see the comets and stars…

But please don’t send me to a dump like Mars!

SPATE

New Horizons for the Discovery Channel (or Why You Should Never Insult an MIT Grad)

Two months ago I packed up a U-Haul and moved from Boston to a small town in New Hampshire.

Hostile natives greeted me.

Up here, they call people from Massachusetts “massholes”.

Okay, so I don’t hunt or fish or own a snowmobile or an ATV. And you’ll never convince me that car racing is a sport.

Live free or die? I’ll cling to life under any circumstances.

But call me a masshole? Really?!

My doctor got me the video file of my colonoscopy. I hacked into their cable.

Hope my new neighbors enjoy their visual voyage up this masshole’s canal.

SERENDIPITY

That fabled last voyage into the sunset isn’t usually a return trip; although there are some who come back to tell the tale.

Take it from me though – whatever they might say – as far as I’m concerned, it’s a bit of a rip off!

Where was the tunnel of light and the celestial choirs? And where was the white-robed gentleman with open arms and welcoming smile?

Not even the vaguest of out of body experiences to reflect upon, I’m afraid.

Nothing at all.

Perhaps they save all that stuff for the first class ticket holders, not stowaways like me?

SINGH

Chapter 19. Journey

19.1

Laloo Barhai spat a gob of betel,

and scored a hit to the head of the ginger cat

slinking about the workshop.

“Hah!”

He beamed.

Chotu his journeyman worked on, chiselling.

Barhai he hated, and hardened up his smile,

“Ji Sahib,” whacking with the mallet.

Next, that regular with a withered stump

came rattling his tin heart.

“Chotu, you give

the fellow. I have hundreds only.”

Thus

Chotu lost rupees daily.

“Ji Sahib,”

and hid

his poverty. Boss was mean and yet

the carpenter had to do or risk the job.

Difficult to find work in this highway town.

19.2
The tall step into the bus was a slip on a journey,

a trip on his chola ballooning with air as he leapt

and missed to skin a knee, raw as a cut pomegranate.

It stung as he limped to a seat where the bloodspot seeped

and suppurated an hour to Gharmukhteshwar town.

He held a handkerchief firm till the bus crunched gears

and snake-breaks hissed to a halt outside Barhai’s.

Good location had chosen Laloo to craft the bhairagan,

the t-shaped armrest now hung on a wall, decommissioned by Yogi.

He was soothed to see his corpulent sponsor sprawling.

19.3

Barhai rose from his chair like the nose of a leopard.

He smelled opportunity knocking. Here came his Yogi

in a holy outfit, limping to his shop verandah.

The bloodspot stain, a fallen warrior knee

and the heavenly knocking at Barhai’s nose got stronger,

the scent of a plan formulating.

“Sadhu Sahib,

my friend Doctor Kashyap is in dispensary

just three shops up. Can you walk? Good. Now, we go.

Chotu, tell my wife upstairs we are coming.”
Yes, Barhai

had a higher purpose waiting ahead at home,

but now he was serving to shoulder the infirm one.

19.4

Kashyap’s Clinic was a cave of coughing.

Yogi entered the medicated room

where iIllness had no privacy and sat

listening to tales of confidential fevers,

until Barhai barged and jumped the patient cue.

Social rank assumed false privileges

pushing Yogi onto the consult chair

where a foreigner in religious garb

was entertainment for the belly-aches.

Kashyap colluded, saying,
“Show me”.
So,

Yogi revealed his pomegranate knee

and all leaned forward to gasp communally

at the nasty scrape of crusting-over blood.

Dr Kashyap swabbed and dressed the wound,

while the bug zapper plugged in on the wall

loudly popped and vaporised a fly.

19.5

chai and pakoras, Mrs Barhai’s frontroom
chai and pakoras, Indian comfort food
chai and pakoras, Yogi on the couch
chai and pakoras, the guest is always God
chai and pakoras, pictures, holy brass

chai and pakoras, boombox chanting Krishna

chai and pakoras, mint chutney red chilli
chai and pakoras, flattery fried gossip

chai and pakoras, Barhai’s salty cunning

chai and pakoras, trustees called short notice
chai and pakoras, Maha Kirtan Mandal
chai and pakoras, the coming festival
chai and pakoras, “you will be Chief Guest”

chai and pakoras, grease for wheels of profit
chai and pakoras endless chai and pakoras

19.6
After their lunch — the Ganga Temple called
to where the river flowed six decades back.
Now, one hundred one steps were eighty six
and the river swelled on five kilometres south.

The attendant in a singlet and white dhoti
was cynical, sure the lack of offerings

was his bad Brahmin luck.
“These days none come,”

he said to Barhai.
“The government should fix
the road for tourists, or this place is finished.”
“What did he say?” Yogi asked.

“He wants chooti.”

“Chooti?” Yogi queried.
“He wants Leave,”
said Barhai, trustee of this shrine and others,
staring hard at the priest who understood.

19.7
Sri Ganga Devi in her curtained alcove,
stood her ground in marble, looking out
to four-headed Brahma, the Creator
so rarely found inside a Hindu temple
in polished stone, or any other form.
As her Father, he looked on with four faces,
rarely interfering with god or human,

self-born and blossomed from a lotus,
holding books to represent four vedas.

His bearded faces mean that life grows on

ever creative, birthing his Brahmand

in all directions of the universe.

Barhai with showiness now placed
one hundred and one rupees as donation
and the three trusted trustees copied him.

19.8

As they left in Barhai’s Ambassador
shifting through the cycle of its gears
the Mahabharata came to Yogi’s mind.
He knew this was its home. Brijpal Chauhaan
spoke up :
“Our town was part of Hastinapur,

the ancient Bharata capital.”

He told
how the Ganges, shifting course so often
put fifty kilometres of bitumen between
what had been a stroll across the river.

“At Mukteswar Temple there is one well,” he said
telling his driver to make a turn ahead
for Nakka Kuan, the Well of Nahusha.

“And who was he?”

asked Yogi curious.
Chauhaan would tell.

“Yogi ji, first we’ll reach.”

19.9
Chauhaan soon told how Rajah Nahusha,
a forefather of the five Pandava brothers,

doing penance had also dug this well
and became the King of Heaven, displacing Indra.
Power-crazed he wanted Indra’s wife,

but his palanquin bearers, the Seven Sages cursed,

turning him into a python. Generations
would pass before someone of his line

could lift the spell. King Yudhisthira,
saving Bhima his brother held in the python’s death-squeeze
instructed Nahush to curb his mind and senses.
The snake let go and journeyed onto heaven.

Nahusha’s Khoo now wore a scum of leaves.

“It comes from Ganga Devi underground.”

19.10

“It’s getting late,” said Yogi. “Thanks so much
for this.”

“Wait,” chimed Ram Prakash,

and brother Kartik, the final trustee added:

“He has to see Ghat Ganga. We have to go.”

Barhai nodded, so they rode roughshod

over potholes in a village track, until
the main road brought them finally to Brijghat:

the bazaar, the nearby marble stairs, the modern bridge.
They slammed doors, making their descent

down white steps to river silt and bathers

pouring water over heads with mantras.
Boats advertising Suhag Saree Kendra
were plying trade for sunset pleasure jaunts

and touts were here who Barhai shooed like flies.

19.11

But it wasn’t over yet. Just further down

Yogi saw fire.

“That is Murda Ghat,

where they do cremation,” Barhai said,

No one added a word.

A blaze was raging.

The mourners dressed in funereal whites

watched the attendant ladle on last ghee.
They huddled stunned beside the final flames

and cold case coming, a conundrum of bones
soon to be swept up by the river tide.

Is that all, thought Yogi, at the end of the journey?
Yogi remembered Margot waiting at school.
His mind had been distracted all day long
forgetting her. And now he felt the guilt.

DANNY

What if the final voyage we take when we die is just like the 1960′s television classic, “Voyage To The Bottom of the Sea”? That would explain the lights everyone sees during near-death experiences, they’re actually the lights of the Seaview. Having a near death experience myself, I’m convinced the constant pinging noise I heard was the sonar ping of the Seaview guiding me to the next plain of existence, despite my nurse insisting the noise was likely coming from one of the many machines I was hooked up to. The afterlife, strangely nothing more than an Irwin Allen creation.

TURA

No-one knew old Kjetil for a seafarer, so they were surprised when he began to build a boat. He only said, “I must make a voyage.”

One day in spring, before dawn, he went down to his boat and waited for the tide.

“You’re leaving,” said a small voice in the glim.

“Yes, Liljá,” said Kjetil.

“Can I come?” she asked.

“Oh no,” said Kjetil, “No child should ever make this voyage.”

The boat shifted on the tide. Kjetil poled it away from the beach, then began to raise the sail.

Liljá watched until the boat faded into the mist.

ZACKMANN

The teen waxes cross country skis then straps them on. No school again today. Parents not going to work. Several inches of snow and a terrible wind chill factor but he has donned several layers of winter gear. His father fearing the result of cabin fever being riskier than a two mile trip to town agrees to let him go if he takes a cell phone and calls when arriving and departing. His father asks if he understands the difference between need and want. The coffee house being a want. Teen Says “But I hasta gets me some Peet’s Coffee”

CLIFF

Mary stood as far forward as she dared, trying to see the water rushing past. The rocking of the deck beneath her feet was unpredictable and she held on to a rail to keep her balance. Her mother had told her to stay below with the others, but Mary wanted to see where they were going. Soon, they’d arrive in a new place with a new home, far from the persecution and danger that had been Mary’s entire life. Once the ferry docked in Brooklyn, they would be in a new world where her father could never touch them again.

NORVAL JOE

Piermont Freedangle had been teased as a child, but when he heard the same question in the executive washroom, “Are you wearing underwear?”, he had to find the origin of his name. The search was a voyage back through history to thirteenth century Netherlands.
An inland lake, well known for an abundance of large trout was owned by a powerful baron. The baron taxed all who wished to fish in his lake except for a few local families. These people became known as the Vry Dangelen.
When Piermont’s great-great-great-great-grandfather moved the family to England, he anglicized the name to Freedangle.

PLANET Z

The harbormaster spotted something on the horizon.
He pulled out his spyglass and looked… a lifeboat.
So, he rowed out to the lifeboat.
Inside was an emaciated and weathered man wearing rags.
The harbormaster splashed him with fresh water and gave him a few drops to drink… not too much.
“Oh, what adventure that was,” whispered the man.
The harbormaster lashed the lifeboat to his rowboat, and he rowed back to shore.
But when he pulled the lifeboat in, the man was dead.
He had no papers. No journal. No records at all.
The harbormaster buried him in the dunes.

Weekly Challenge #393 – Voice

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was VOICE.

We’ve got stories by:

The next 100 word stories weekly challenge is on the topic of VOYAGE.

Use the Share buttons at the end of the post to spam your social networks. This obligatory cat photo should help make the Internet go faster:

Visitor cat

Finally, if there are any errors or corrections, please let me know, and I’ll fix them as soon as possible.

THOMAS

Her voice, specifically her fully, open mouthed, “performance laugh”, could cut diamonds. I was sipping coffee last Monday, when a burst of sharp sound cut into my brain from my left. The source of the explosion was a skinny, short haired woman of middle age yucking it up with her husband and another couple. Why did she make the noise project even more by opening her mouth and throat to allow this painful noise to escape into the crowded room? Did she want us to notice her? I wanted to throw my heavy mug at her temple to silence her.

#

Today, while submitting a lesson for my course at Penn State, I mistakenly used the word “deadloin” instead of the word deadline. My writing “voice” has aided me in using these errors in ways that are valid and pertinent to my poetry and prose. Deadloin could be a title for the story of a man, whose age has left him tired and limp, when he should be vigorous and prepared at a moment’s notice by merely putting his hands around the waist of a woman, as it does in the sweet dreams that he recalled from last week’s dream fest.

#

During the monthly meeting at the mayor’s coffeehouse gatherings, a few of us voiced our opinions about the recent additions to the streets and downtown core. A large, circular logo was embedded in the center of the street at the main intersection, and several bicycle stands and metal waste containers were placed strategically, around town. The logo depicts the teats of one of the original dairy farmers prize milkers, and measuring ten feet in diameter, shocks tourists and young children. The waste containers are painted fluorescent orange, with glow in the dark lettering that reads, “Waste Management Fondles Your Trash.”

#

Her voice was tiny, and she kept to herself, having been kidnapped by human traffickers and sold as a sex slave to the Sudanese Coast Guard. She looked like Sally Fields when she played in The Flying Nun. Now, working quietly as a Barista in Sylvester’s Coffee Emporium, she breaks down every couple of hours and retires to the storeroom to cry and grab hits off her glass pipe. Over the past six months, I’ve noticed she put on some weight in her behind, and carries her wallet in her hand now, as it won’t fit in her back pocket.

#

He screwed the pooch by giving voice to his feelings about public education when he spoke to the board of education at an open forum. He lambasted the superintendent for allowing the first two hours of every Monday for “special teacher’s training time”, and a number of other special days set aside for meetings, inclement weather, assemblies, picture day, senior day, statewide test day, etc. Turns out the district had 90 actual school days last year, and 80 percent of the seniors failed the state exams, behind Arkansas and Mississippi. His application to teach advanced placement math was rejected malevolently.

JEFFREY

Taking Advice
by Jeffrey Fischer

Sarah had always suffered from hearing voices in her head. Some part of her was aware that this was only a damaged part of her mind speaking, and she could usually push those voices away and ignore them.

A deep male voice would tell her to diet more or she’d never find a boyfriend. A sexy female voice would give her clothing advice. A shrill voice of indeterminate gender provided feedback on career decisions. When all three spoke at once, Sarah ended up with a headache.

In her firm’s kitchenette, Sarah stared at the last piece of cake left over from Jim’s retirement party. “Don’t eat the cake,” a deep voice said. She pushed it away. “I mean it, don’t eat the cake.” She closed her eyes and ignored it.

As she reached to take the cake, Betty from accounting slapped her hand away and grabbed the piece for herself. “You selfish jerk,” Betty said in a husky tone, “didn’t you hear me? Leave some for me.”

Democracy in Action
by Jeffrey Fischer

Ten-year-old Timmy came home from school, excited to tell his parents about his civics class. “Miss Crimmons says in a democracy everyone should have a voice.” Timmy’s parents were so charmed by this that they agreed to run the household as a democracy. Mom and Dad winked at each other, because they knew their two votes would always win over Timmy’s single vote.

The next day, Timmy explained that protecting the rights of the minority was important, and demanded a supermajority for important decisions, such as bed time or how many Brussels sprouts he had to eat. After that, Timmy had no trouble with his parents.

FOURWORLDS

Three rounds of chemo and thirty five radiation treatments killed the tumor at the base of my tongue. They also damaged my body from head to toe. I’d make that deal any day, but I miss my old life. I miss being able to sing. I miss being able to eat without sipping water after every bite. I miss understanding speech without captions or lip reading. I miss waking in the morning without ringing in my ears and pins and needles in my fingers and toes. But what I long for most of all is the blessed illusion of invulnerability.

DECATER

The Voice:

Stephen had a conversation with the voice every day. It tended to be an incessant dialogue until one or the other of them fell asleep. The voice cajoled and upbraided and urged him to do the worst things.

There was the time the voice commanded him to steal the money from his coworker’s till and she got fired. Or the time it wanted him to cheat on his girlfriend with that woman in the bar. Or his ongoing cocaine addiction.

What made the whole thing even more perverted was the voice sounded just like his third grade teacher, Miss Boggs.

TOM

Back in The Day
STAB was the most eclectic hair band of the 80s. Probably never hear of
them, in spite of the fact they released 14 albums and were the opening
act for Spinal Tap. Their debut record “Bonfire of the Vanities” a
selection of Shakespearean soliloquizes in Esperanza was an international
success. Rolling Stone called them the masters of Acid Raga. Front-man
Punchinello Tirebitter wailed with the phrasing of Sinatra and the
syncopation of Shatner. STAB’s seminal work “Three Forks and a Spoon”
never gained the air play of “Timmy in a Box” the deep track Schrodinger’s
Cat was totally prepost human.

A Well Defined Relationship 21
Mother turned to the Senator, “I’m not fond of heights,” she said staring
down at the ground four stories below. “Sorry, out of time,” replied the
Senator giving the Widow a push off the platform. Mother flew down the
zip-line, sailed over the Arno. A stabbing pain in her stomach rose up
into her throat. “Breath, silly woman,” she chastised herself in a
frontier fought with fear she was not about to let a childhood trauma get
the better of her. Hadn’t she stared down a Cathsore Viper and clocked a
Varsin Exopath. To no avail she lost her lunch.

A Well Defined Relationship 22

The Voice echoed out from heights of Mea Maxima Culpa. “Blood has been
spilled, blood is now demanded.” Timmy scanned the silver horizon and
found in the sea of angry faces a few earnest ones of support. Mother and
the Senator, Banister and Dino, Sparky and much to his surprise Doc
Proctor himself. Seven against thousands, well actually millions against
one. Timmy tapped the dermal control pad as he brushed the high priestess
hand. For the better part of a thousandth of a second Master Parsons
pondered the ethicacy of reprogramming another human. “BEHOLD HE HAS
RETURNED.” voiced the profit.

You Can’t Help Yourself

One of the simple joys in life is messing with people’s heads. It takes
the form of getting them to embracing your silliness just as they’re about
to dismiss you. One of my favorite gambits is the inverted “Have You Stop
Beating Your Wife” trap. In the original silence is the proper response.

Here goes. Michael is repairing a broken computer in your class. You
announce to the students you are hearing voices. Michael smirks. Then you
say: The voices tell me to give all my money to Michael. Nine out ten
Michael will yell out “Listen to the voice.”

MUNSI

Me in a Nutshell

By Christopher Munroe

You misunderstand me, I’m not unfeeling, merely uncaring.

As such, I feel your distress, I understand it completely.

I just don’t care.

I know you find me unbearable at times. It’s only natural. I am, at times, unbelievably irritating. To you, anyway.

Indeed, to most people. You’re by no means alone in your assessment.

I understand this perfectly. I simply choose not to act upon it.

Because, you see, I find the sound of my own voice incredibly soothing. Hearing me speak relaxes me to no end.

So, in answer to your question, no, I won’t shut the fuck up.

RICHARD

#1 – The attack

The attack happened later that night.

A sudden shout and the sound of gunfire roused George from sleep – something had gone wrong, badly wrong! Quickly, he grabbed his few belongings and ran for cover.

Hidden behind a stack of oil drums, he peered into the darkness, apart from shadows and the flash of weapons there was little he could make out. He shivered and crouched in the shadows.

A quiet sob in the darkness.

“Emily… is that you?”

“George? Where are you? I can’t see a thing.”

“Follow my voice Emily… I’m here. Everything’s going to be OK, I promise.”

#2 – Always the last place you look

When grandfather lost his voice, we practically turned the house upside-down trying to find it. We tried everywhere possible, and good few places that you wouldn’t have considered possible too. We checked the refrigerator, under the kitchen sink, in his sock drawer and even emptied the compost bin – but it was no use, grandpa’s voice was well and truly lost.

Eventually, tired, dirty and more than a little fed up, we decided to call off the search and I sank gratefully into my seat…

“OUCH!”

You guessed it… it was down the back of the sofa all the time!

#3 – How much?

Apparently, the pen is mightier than the sword and a picture is worth a thousand words, but I’ve never found anyone who can tell me what a voice is worth.

You’d think speech would have some sort of measure or, some method of calculating its value… but no, at least that’s what I thought.

It took me a while to work it out, but there it was, staring me right in the face and somehow, I’d never made the connection.

You want to know how much your voice is worth?

Just open up your phone bill and take a look!

#4 – Sounds familiar

My first day on the job: training fresh in my mind, script to hand – I was ready, with a sense of supreme self-confidence that only the foolish can boast.

I quietly repeated my mantra… “Grab their interest, grab their cash, grab the commission!” – Oh boy… was I going to be the best telesales agent ever!

Deep breath and dial.

A pause… one ring, two, three and, click!

Typical – my first call and I get voicemail! But hang on… that voice… strangely familiar.

I checked the screen in front of me – would you believe it? I’d dialled my own number!

ZACKMANN

STORY #1

“I might be overstressed. I have been hearing a voice saying the oddest things.”

“Nothing bad I hope. This voice isn’t telling you to do things?”

“Well actually yes but not anything really to fear. It tells me to wash behind my ears, balance my checkbook, and text my mother.”

“Son, does this voice sound very familiar to you?”

“Yes, like my mother’s.”

“With work and school you haven’t been spending much time home, have you?”

“No.”

“Ask your roommate when is he going to tell you he bought an answering machine for which he gave your mother the number?”

STORY #2

“Hey look that’s the Fuck You Song Guy on TV.”

“Honeyko, if you don’t want to have an unpleasant night you better watch your vulgar mouth and and not talk bad about Cee Lo Green.”

“Dearest, just because you have only heard the radio version of the song doesn’t mean the original isn’t still online where it was popular first.”

“Honeyko, Just quiet and let me watch The Voice.”

“You mean they made The Voice form Three Minute Danger Theater into a TV show, cool.”

“No”

“How can this be The Voice when it doesn’t even have a ventriloquist policeman?”

SPATE

Voice of Destiny

Thus little Jonathan was thrust into this world exhibiting vocal qualities unremarkable to all except his mother. She lay drenched in sweat, half delirious, weeping from pain and joy, thinking “This voice is destined for greatness.”

“Maybe he’ll be a singer,

or an actor,

or a politician.”

But our lives rarely turn out the way our mothers expect.

And while he wasn’t rich or famous or powerful, John was very happy. Ironically, he was most happy about his voice. You see, at his job he enjoyed making women quiver with desire whenever he asked:

“Would you like fries with that?”

SERENDIPITY

You should speak, they say – use your voice.

To me, that seems all wrong: I am not real – I’m an imaginary person – a construct of pixels and ideas, not real at all.

I cannot eat, sleep, drink or breathe; my every action is dictated by another; I am as distant from the world of flesh and blood as a dream is distant from reality. Why give me a voice when the words I speak are those of another and the thoughts I express are not uniquely mine?

And if I did have a voice… would you listen to me anyway?

CLIFF

The first thing I checked was the communicator station. It was silent. Mission control wasn’t talking to us. Then I checked on Orlosky. He was sound asleep in his bag and after three months in orbit with the Russian, I knew he didn’t talk in his sleep. So, where was that voice coming from. It was intermittent, quiet, and annoying as hell. My mind listed possibilities. Ghost? Stowaway? Space madness? It turned out to be a preprogrammed microspeaker that I was sure Sullivan left on his last tour. So, I set it up for Orlosky. We astronauts can be assholes.

Her voice was a kind of sexual magic. Men would empty their accounts at her request. They would abandon families just for a chance to carry her bags. Her power had corrupted her and she would ask men to do things just to see them destroy themselves for her. She met her match in Roy. Her voice had no effect on him. The reason eluded her and she hated it. Was he gay? Deaf? She discovered the truth when he calmly strangled her and saved the world. Her voice simply couldn’t compete with all the ones already in his head.

TURA

Everyone has a voice. The ones you usually hear about are the multiples, Legions saying nasty things from within, but we’re all sorts. Still small voices, voices pretending to be spirits from Mars, thunderous voices like the chap in all the Hollywood film trailers. Some are silent– you know, the inner urging of conscience in the still of the night, the presence closer than your own heartbeat.

You probably think you’re a real person, and the voice is just some sort of brain quirk. The truth is, we’re the real people. You’re just the semi-intelligent machines that move our bodies.

HELEN

I love my friends for sharing their Voices, and I love the 100 Word Story prompt, Voice.

My Voice represents truths, honesty, and engages logical thinking. My Voice is inspired by other voices that engage the mind to use knowledge versus stupidity. What’s your voice?

My Voice

My Voice fights for justice freedom and equality

My Voice fights hatred Antisemitism and ignorance

My Voice helps, feeds, and clothes

My Voice is fragile, soft, and loud

My Voice is quiet

My Voice is mysterious, and creative

My Voice has a mission

My Voice is love

My Voice is original and my own…

JULIE

I am home. There is a party downstairs to which I was not invited. I am pissed off. I like a party, and I wanted to wear a pretty dress.

This band seems to specialize in voices. First, one man sounds like John Lennon, and then Frank Sinatra. There is a lady who does Etta James. I am not there, of course, because I was not invited and pretend not to listen. Now, there is a George Harrison voice. The Paul harmony guy sucks.

I dance better than all the hedge fund wives and swirl happily in my cheap apartment.

JUSTIN

It’s always different when you meet someone in person. I’ve heard his voice is some Starfleet training and while researching some records, but to meet Ambassador Worf face to face was something else. Deep below the surface of Mol’Rihan, standing before an Iconian gateway controlled by the Romulan Republic, witnessing history. I’ve had many great moments in my career as a Starfleet captain, but this was the start of something huge, something bigger than I ever would have expected. Someone has been pulling the strings of the galaxy for an age. I aim to be there to sever their ties.

NORVAL JOE

Piermont Freedangle sat alone at a long table in the back room of Seniora Pinche’s Cafe y donuteria. His local writer’s meetup group had met, drank coffee and ate donuts, then critiqued one another’s monthly submission. The rest of the group had left long ago, and quite abruptly when he may have overreacted to a critique by an older woman who claims literary fiction is the only prose worth reading.
Piermont stood and shouted, “You want me to find my voice? Well, here’s my voice. Now, why don’t you find it?”
He sat down, realizing he had clearly lost it.

DANNY

(The Village) Voice

I still read the Village Voice online, but it just isn’t the same as when I would read my free copy every Wednesday while attending Law School in NYC in the early 1990s. Right after the Wednesday morning lecture, I would rush to the main hallway, grab my free copy off the stack, sit down in the cafeteria, and immediately flip to the back pages to determine what music club I was going to Saturday night after work. CBGB’s, Wetlands, Kenny’s Castaways, the Limelight, clubs that no longer exist, distant memories in a corporate city that has lost its soul.

MAGGY

Suddenly he heard a voice – Dan. No. There was no one around. Dan was gone.

He checked the recorder. Dan was often recording stuff. Reckoned it kept him sane.

Poor old Dan. Lost a lot of his hearing after the beating he got.

No. No voice on the recorder. Bit of piano music, that’s all.

But it was a voice. Whose? Not mine, not Paddy’s…it sounded more like Dan’s.

This room…This is where he…Better get out of here. “Hello, Szy.” It was Dan’s

voice, deep, soft. “Where are you?” I stood by the piano. It played.

SINGH

16.10

the voice was a bird on a buffalo

the twitter of crimson claws

boys raised bhangra digits to the sky

pink ribbons jiggled on girls’ plaits

the voice rattled the pipal leaves

the harmonium wheezed through its puncture
the heel of a hand worked its drum-skin

palms clapped with happy static

a deep pulse tolled from head to head

and finger cymbals set off other ringing

now the voice was a river in a flood

flowing through the ether through the akaash

the bird voice rode the back of power

and swallows did their figure-eight flight

and wrote infinity above

16.11

His voice became a tall tale taken home:

White Yogi with a guitar and happy clapping.

Passed around, the God chants kept repeating.
Celebrity swelled weekly to a crowd

that gathered in the mandir where bells rang

each time a parent came to offer fruit

or sweet rice, a flower, then sat down

to join the swelling sea of Hare Ram.

A drummer brought his expert dholak fingers

and a line of ladies chimed their finger cymbals

as Yogi led the chant and added English.

It sat awkward on their rustic tongues
while Foreign Madam clapped on at the back.

16.12

He took Bob Marley’s rock words

and sang them to their source:

bum bum Bhola bum bum Bhola
hail the Simple, Lord of Blessings
bum bum Bholenath

A masala of holy Names

a salty namkeen mix

Om Jai Shiv Omkara
Hail Shiva who is Om

Shiva Shambo Shiva Shambo
Shiva Shiva el Supremo

He wanted to sing more
from his notebook songs:

carry me over the worldly ocean,
over the sea of samsara

Hey Mahadeva

Oh my Lord Deliverer.

In the end he sang simple, Bhola,
Bam Bam Bholenath

call and response call and response
like the tides of the Ganga.

16. 13

Fame spread far, while Yogi kept on singing A to Z in school beneath the wish tree.
The alphabet song would rise and fall until

strumming stopped; he’d sign language

to their giggles, then started off again.

They followed his songlines beyond letters

into words. Soon were trading Hindi:
apple for saib, rice for padi field
orange was mosmani, banana became kela

a conga line made ‘elephant’ a hatti

a yogi with kids in tow went trumpeting
up and down the dirt with arms raised up
to noses like baby trunks, while little Atul
clapped hairy halves of a coconut behind.

16.14

Overbrimming with curriculum and accounts

she wiped the office desk of mouse dirt

and listened through the window with no glass

as he free-styled out there beneath the tree.

She was glad to let her barked-out voice rest up,
although she’d have to whistle him along

with pedagogy. Just a lesson plan or two.

Yes, he had great entertainment value, but

would run out of steam. Or they would, sooner or later.

A teacher needed more in the bag of tricks

to do her sleight of hand to pass the ace

before the God of Structure rang the bell.

16.15

And then it hit her,

sitting on the throne

of her flat metal chair

that bit at her hipbone.

Yogi was good with kids

although not her own.

For all that Adelaide time

and hard travelling alone,

they hadn’t let him in

and did their spoilt moan

to Papa, their howitzer

first chance on the phone.

He’d fired it back at her

his rain of shrapnel blown,

even though he had left her

for that sharp-nosed clone

of a wife who had stolen

the Frenchman, She would atone

one day for husband theft.

All was on short term loan.

16.16

She voiced sharper feelings to herself,

then realised she shouldn’t speak at all.

Margot was free as the gecko on the shelf,

while Yogi was a snail learning to crawl.

For now, he had song’s aura and could wow

a crowd of devotees and do child care.

In this place of wheat fields ready to plough

he might grow up to speak true through hot air.

But fans were closing ranks. Was he the star,

the next to fall flat through fame’s love affair?

She closed her eyes and saw the town bazaar
and beyond her singer with his hot guitar.

MAGGY

Suddenly he heard a voice – Dan. No. There was no one around. Dan was gone.

He checked the recorder. Dan was often recording stuff. Reckoned it kept him sane.

Poor old Dan. Lost a lot of his hearing after the beating he got.

No. No voice on the recorder. Bit of piano music, that’s all.

But it was a voice. Whose? Not mine, not Paddy’s…it sounded more like Dan’s.

This room…This is where he…Better get out of here. “Hello, Szy.” It was Dan’s

voice, deep, soft. “Where are you?” I stood by the piano. It played.

PLANET Z

The opera announced that the entire week’s performances were cancelled.

The diva had lost her voice. The performances would be rescheduled when her voice returned, but refunds were available.

I know they’re lying, because her voice isn’t lost.

It’s being held for ransom.

Here. In this coffee can.

That’s right. I stole it.

I want one million dollars for it. And I know that the insurance company will cover it.

They tried to trick me into letting them hear it over the phone, but I know that’s how voices can escape.

It ain’t over until the fat lady pays up.

Weekly Challenge #392 – Stab

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was STAB.

We’ve got stories by:

The next 100 word stories weekly challenge is on the topic of VOICE.

Use the Share buttons at the end of the post to spam your social networks. This obligatory cat photo should help make the Internet go faster:

Sleepy Tinny

Finally, if there are any errors or corrections, please let me know, and I’ll fix them as soon as possible.

JEFFREY

Questions and Answers
by Jeffrey Fischer

Sweat trickled down Billy’s armpits as the time ticked away. He needed a good grade on this history test to avoid failing the class and being sent to summer school. That one question, though… he didn’t want to leave any blank answers, so he took a stab in the dark.

Mrs. Henderson asked Billy to stay after class. “This -” She waved his answer sheet in his face. “- shows that you have no command of the material. What were you thinking when you wrote that Custer’s Last Stand was, and I quote, ‘That shack on the beach that’s now a t-shirt shop’?”

Billy mumbled, “In class, you always say there are no stupid questions.”

Mrs. Henderson replied, “Yes, but there *are* stupid answers.”

The Stabbing Game
by Jeffrey Fischer

When we were young and, yeah, maybe a little foolish, my friends would play what we called the Stabbing Game. Remember “Name that Tune”? Contestants would bid down the number of notes in which they could name some popular song. “I can name that tune in two notes.” Insane, I used to think.

Our version involved a pen knife and a dare: where would you be willing to stab yourself? Highest bidder got to do it and won…well, our admiration. I was a wimp and always picked some small body part: a little finger, or a foot. I never won. Yvonne occasionally got to stab her palm. But the biggest winner was the kid we later called one-eyed Pete.

A Stab at Bats
by Jeffrey Fischer

The Animal Control guy emerged from the attic, covered in dust and ancient cobwebs. “Ma’am, I hate to say this, but I’ve looked everywhere in your attic and I don’t see any evidence of animals. Usually there’d be droppings at the very least, and most times we’d catch the critters napping at this time of day. But I found nothing.”

The woman put a hand on her hips, lit a cigarette, took a drag, and stared at the man. “Didn’t you see an entire bag full of Louisville Sluggers up there? My lazy ex-husband left them behind and I want them gone.”

“Why would you call Animal Control for something like that?” he asked.

She replied, “It says quite clearly on your truck: bat removal. Now get to it!”

THOMAS

Anyone that has read my previous work surmises I will use “stabbing pain” in at least one of my submissions. Nope. Sorry. I won’t. I will, however, take a stab at some stories that do not use “stabbing pain”, and see how I do with a couple of rollicking fables. Let’s see. Maybe a story about how a friend was stabbed in the heart as a result of losing the love of his life to a cabana boy during a short vacation in Baja. Better yet, an erotic animal fable about the turmoil between two pigs on my uncle’s farm.

#

The stab method of Japanese book binding was taught by an older woman in her home studio near the shore. She charged a modest fee for the day, which included all the materials, snacks and drinks, and plenty of personal instruction. I made two books that day, and started on a third. The little books are covered with cloth, have end papers, and are sewn or bound together with waxed sail twine. I treasure them, and keep them safe on my bookcase in plastic bags. Some day, someone will be going through my possessions and use them for grocery lists.

#

It just wasn’t the knife in my back, it was the size of the knife in my back. Stabbed in the back over a minor quibble with the sister of a student that was visiting my classroom. I asked her what she was doing there, and why couldn’t she stay home by herself. She was college age, but there must have been something wrong at home. She had no business being there, but I was in trouble with the female dean, guilty of some trumped up charge of harassment, so I found myself being asked to resign, immediately. I refused.

#

As counselors for the summer camp, each of us was issued a stab vest. A stab vest, or stab proof vest is a reinforced piece of body armor, worn under or over other items of clothing, which is designed to resist knife attacks to the chest, back and sides. Last summer, one of the campers was angry with the lunch menu and attempted to stab three counselors with a sharpened butter knife. The camp, sponsored by the Mormon Church, was used to rehabilitate those that toppled monuments in the ancient desert rock formations in the Goblin Valley Park in Utah.

#

STAB (Stupid TA Bastard) is British Army slang for a Territorial Army soldier. Territorial Soldiers come from all walks of life and work part-time as soldiers for the British Army alongside regular soldiers. Lucy Vallender spent years denying her feelings of being “in the wrong body,” joining the Territorial Army when she was twenty one in an effort to become more manly. Laurens “used to love firing guns,” and drank regularly with other members of his squad. Now, as a transgender, Muslim Woman, and married to a Muslim man she met on line, Lucy no longer plays with her gun.

JOHN

Internet Date

I thought; “With the right catch; you are sure to become successful, wealthy
and happy.”
She was a perfect specimen. Young and strong, and in this day and age I must
add; free of disease.
I looked down on her nude body adorningly as she lay peacefully.
My peaked anticipation was such that I had to steady my hands from
trembling.
I opened my bag of “toys” that I had brought for this evenings desire.
The ice in her bathtub began to melt where she lay face down.
After the precise incisions, extracting her kidneys was easy; a perfect
harvest.

ZACKMANN

“Welcome to Mandania General. Please tell us about your injury. Oh my you are bleeding and your leg has turned white as paper. Tell me what happened as you fill out these forms.”

The receptionist returns Charlie’s insurance card attached to a clipboard.

“I had to fight the evil wizard, who may not actually have been evil but still thought it inconvenient for me to live. As I thrust my blade through his chest he plunged the tail of a small demond into my calf. I fear it has to be amputated because I wasn’t just sliced, I was imp-paled. “

MUNSI

A Pep Talk (part II)

By Christopher Munroe

Waiting tables isn’t tough, once you get the hang of it.

When things become stressful, just remember my simple, four-step process, and it will get you through.

See to your guest’s every need, want and desire.

Treat them like you’d want to be treated, were you in their place.

Anticipate requests, so you can give them what they want before they even know that they want it.

Be friendly. Above all else, be friendly.

In short: S.T.A.B. them.

S.T.A.B. the customers who sit in your section.

S.T.A.B. every single one of them.

And make it clear: “I will S.T.A.B. you.”

SPATE

Nipping It in the Butt

It was a strange twist of fate that left John living a life of clichés but he managed to go with the flow.

Like when his Dodge Dart died on a backwoods road, of course he found the farmhouse… with the farmer… and the farmer’s daughter.

You probably guessed it, one thing led to another with the daughter, until a stab in the dark by the farmer abruptly ended that roll in the hay.

You should have seen the look on John’s face: caught with his pants down, pitchfork protruding from his posterior.

That’s one picture worth a hundred words.

RICHARD

#1 – Back down to earth

Pondering how he should proceed with his conquest of Emily, George found himself unexpectedly reeling when a sudden stab of conscience brought home to him the realisation that he was thinking like a savage.

“This is how society breaks down”, he admonished himself, shocked at how easily he’d allowed his morals to fall victim to baser instincts. Silently, he cursed his weakness – if he and his comrades were to survive, it wouldn’t be through indulging in selfishness – they’d need teamwork and a common cause.

It would be difficult, but he knew it was possible.

At least, he hoped it was!

#2 – Watch Your back!

Be careful how you choose your friends – be sure you can trust them and they won’t let you down in a crisis.

Do as I say, not as I do… I’m a hopeless judge of character – many times I’ve relied on so-called ‘friends’ who turned out to be the complete opposite when the going got tough.

These days, I expect to have my trust betrayed and be left shouldering the blame… I can spot the signs a mile off.

And when I do, rather than protest, plead and reason, I simply turn my back…

and wait for the knife.

#3 – Well prepared

Packing for the holiday was proving to be more traumatic than usual:

Clothes, sunblock, toiletries, mosquito repellent, stab vest…

“Honey, why the stab vest? We’re going to Disneyland, not Afghanistan.”

“You can never be too careful – who knows what we might come across when we get there. I’d rather be over-prepared than caught out in an emergency.”

“Don’t you think you’re taking things a bit too far though? It’s Disneyland, for heaven’s sake – nobody ever got stabbed in Disneyland. You’re not going to get stabbed in Disneyland!”

“Damn right I’m not – just as long as I’m wearing this baby!”

TOM

That Was the Last Thing On His Mind

He felt a stabbing pain in his arm sufficient enough to make him pause.
That was followed by a stabbing pain in his chest that brought him to his
knees. The world turned all shimmering gray, then black, then a dull red.
A stabbing pain in the shoulder caused him to snap his head backwards. A
trolly looking creature was prodding him forward with a spear. “OH HELL,”
said Timmy. “Got that right Slim,” chortled Troll-boy applying another
jab. Sulfur and brimstone blurred his vision, through his tear he could
make out their destination. A flashing neon sign read B-I-N-G-O

JULIE

One day last year, you fell while walking the dog. “I am just dizzy,” you said. “Inoperable brain tumor,” the doctor proclaimed.

Nothing worked.

Rachel fed you while your companion went to work, or chose not to deal. She curled in bed near you, stabbing your favorite food, and kept your mind off the inevitable. That is what sisters do.

It happened too fast. 49 days. She didn’t leave and held your hand when you died.

Rachel sent off sparkly red balloons into the sky, along with your ashes into Long Island Sound. We will pretend it is the Aegean.

CLIFF

Zack was a hustler. He’d do anything for a buck as long as it was illegal, as he felt that honest work was for suckers. He cheated at cards. He ran small cons in bars. He once sold a truck to three different people. It wasn’t even his truck. His conscience finally got the better of him. He convinced Sarah that he loved her and would marry her if she could just help him pay off a debt. She did, and the guilt made him commit suicide. Stabbed himself in the chest thirty times, according to Sarah’s dad, the sheriff.

Mr. Anderson, the owner of the hardware store, stared me in the eye.
“Guns are for cowards. Anyone can shoot a gun. Point, pull the trigger, bang! There’s no art, no sport to it. If you really want to know what death is like, you gotta stab him. You gotta watch his eyes as you slide a blade between his ribs and into his heart. If you want it to last a while, try to just get the lungs. Slow and painful. You know, if he deserves it.”
“Thanks, but I need a caulk gun. I’m fixing my bath tub.”

TURA

There was once a fisherman, who fell on bad luck. He vowed to make one last trip to sea, and if he caught nothing, he would drown himself. All day he cast his nets and drew them back empty, but on his last cast it took all his strength to haul them in. Yet he found nothing but an old bottle sealed with lead. In rage he shattered it on the deck, and from it emerged a genie.

“Your wish is my command,” it intoned.

“Well, stap me vitals!” exclaimed the astonished fisherman.

And so his luck finally ran out.

SINGH

From “Foreign Madam and the White Yogi”

16.5

It was clear that Yogi had some work to do.

The collapse of his grass castle was perhaps

a blessing, she thought, although she would not say

outright and crush his heart. The winds had come

and kicked him in the gut, but had they knocked

sense into his head? Calamities were a stab

in the back of a farmer’s faith in clement weather

whose turbulent face hid the will of God.
Here, they were next day’s business to be set straight.
But what would Yogi do? Return to the river,

clear his mind of clods and plant fresh thoughts?

16.6

And so the women got down again with gobar

redoing compound surfaces, restoring chullahs,

the squat-down ovens made from mud and dung.

They fetched and carried, picked up and put down,

they shunted husbands off to the fields and brought

some food and drink at midday. Then they came

back to eat some, scrub pots with ash, take a nap
before the sibling squabbles would start up.

They were the domestic goddesses of grit

with shit up under fingernails, and yet

lost it washing and scrubbing daily clothes

which also gave them time alone with water.

16.7

Revived they came back to peel the vegetables,

crush the ginger, onions, garlic and chilli mix

to be fried flavour for the evening pot of dhal.

They cooked on hot plates, throwing down their rounds

of chapatis made from wheat ground on a stone.

Margot still held back from kitchen gossip time.

She had come to teach, not be the slave of dough.

After all, Yogi was deft with food. She washed

the dishes, cups and steel pots, while he sat down

on the bed of thali wood with a thin mattress

and pulled out from its dusty case, his guitar.

16.8

But what to do with Yogi? Next morning

she brought him to school. “Now play on your guitar,”

she asked. He settled on a hessian bag

and sang a self-made tune for Hari Krishna Hari Ram

Krishna, Krishna, Hare, Hare — the mantra

he had learned from devotees at an North Coast ashram.

He had busked his way across the continent

and had arrived here now to sing with Krishna’s kids.

It was a charming switch, a stab in a new direction.

He had a knack with groups and just maybe

he might also be taught to teach. She planned ahead.

16.9

So he became a hit

with school kids after lunch.
He chanted simple sanskrit

mixing in his English.

Ganesha sharanam
sharanam Ganesha

to the elephant surrender

surrender to the elephant.

They parroted back

singing out of tune.

Ganesha sharanam
sharanam Ganesha

to the elephant surrender

surrender to the elephant.

Squirrels ran up and down

the tree trunk where he sat

and minah birds were busy

keeping tabs on bugs,

while out on the fresh fields

where the tractor had just ploughed

the herons stepped and stabbed

into the sandy land

with beaks like darning needles

threading strings of worms.

SERENDIPITY

Stab victims are boring.

Give me a juicy gunshot through the head, or a decent drowning, with a bloated corpse and fish-nibbled flesh. Better still, how about a good old fashioned plunge from a high-rise? You just can’t beat a nice splat, with a generous helping of scattered body parts.

A simple stabbing though? – Not that much to it: entry wound, a nick to a vital organ and that’s all… finished.

Boring.

Unless you can give me a proper, frenzied, all out knife attack, with multiple wounds and plenty of blood… Now that’s what I call a stabbing!

DANNY

“I’ll take a stab at it!” George exclaimed, pulling out his carving knife and taking a stab at the pumpkin. The pumpkin screamed back, “My god! You stabbed me!” The pumpkin suddenly sprouted arms and legs, grabbed George’s carving knife, and started to stab at George, who started to run. “It’s time for you to die, meat-bag!” the enraged pumpkin screamed. “Who are you?” George screamed back. “I’m the devil,” sneered the pumpkin, “here for your soul.” “As long as I can run faster than you, pumpkin, I’m grateful you do not have an AK47.”

NORVAL JOE

Smoke hung thick against the low ceiling of the inn’s common room. Two assasins bent across a small table, so close their hoods almost touched. No one paid their whispered conversation any heed until the smaller of the two drew back and stabbed a knife into the table top.
They turned back to their own business when the second stood and pulled the knife back out.
“You’ll be sorry you chose as you did,” he said, dropped the knife onto the table, turned and left the inn.
“You’re likely correct,” the other said, slipping the knife back into her belt.

JUSTIN

I peered from the vent shaft into the room. There was a desk and chair in the subterranean chamber. Two people walked in wearing hoods. The spoke, their voices mushy, speaking of plans and machinations. These were the evil behind Innsmouth and the Marsh Refinery. After a minute, only the tall person remained to see me fall when the grate broke. He wasn’t human, not with that face. I pulled a knife from the desk and ran around the room, dodging claws and teeth, then in a moment, I used all my strength to shove the blade into its heart.

LIZZIE

Stabbing that pile of rubbish wasn’t such a brilliant idea… It looked like a harmless heap of trash, leaking a gooey matter that seemed like something coming from the remains of a dead animal. The kids goofed about, throwing the knife they stole from the butcher’s at each other first. Then, considering the real danger of such a game, they decided to stab the stack of unusual bags. When it suddenly turned around, spitting gooey stuff all over them, it was already too late. They were all the nourishment that alien needed to complete its transformation to become a human.

PLANET Z

In Dungeons and Dragons, thieves and assassins get a damage bonus when they stab someone in the back.

However, they can only use certain weapons, like daggers and short swords. They cannot use polearms. Or crossbows. Or sofa cushions.

That’s right. You cannot backstab someone with a sofa cushion.

But if you want to kill someone with a sofa cushion, you need to catch them asleep. Then, smother them with it.

You can’t do that with a dagger or a short sword, can you? Or with a polearm or crossbow?

Nope.

And you can’t cushion your sofa with them, either.

Weekly Challenge #391 – Edge

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was EDGE.

We’ve got stories by:

The next 100 word stories weekly challenge is on the topic of STAB.

Use the Share buttons at the end of the post to spam your social networks. This obligatory cat photo should help make the Internet go faster:

Cat infestation

Finally, if there are any errors or corrections, please let me know, and I’ll fix them as soon as possible.

DANNY

The year is 1976. David Howell Evans stands at the very edge of the roof of the Mount Temple Comprehensive School in Dublin, Ireland, contemplating his future from his precarious perch. David and his mates just formed a band called U2, and now, he needed a stage name just like Paul. He looked down at the parking lot 3 stories down, realizing how all of his dreams would quickly end if he fell off the edge. Of course, The Edge! David screamed at the top of his lungs, “I am The Edge!” Brilliant! Now, try not to trip and fall over yourself.

THOMAS

The edge of the knife was rough and dull. Henry worked at cutting his “birthday steak”. For the last ten birthdays, Henry treated himself to a big, sirloin steak for lunch to celebrate his birthday. As he shopped, he pictured his dogs at home. What the heck – a nice, inexpensive cut for the furry kids. Don’t spend more than six bucks. Roast it or grill it, cut it in bite-sized cubes for their lunch, and sit, watch, and listen to the grateful pooches scarf up their treat. Good for my heart, good for my spirit, at ten times the price.

#
Always on edge, a wreck; Nancy had trouble with her stomach and her skin. She blamed it on her work with the bomb disposal unit of the city police department. Two years of community college and ten weeks training with the U.S. Army, followed by graduation from the FBI’s Hazardous Devices School at Redstone Arsenal, Alabama. She found her first disposal job with the Cape May Police Department in Southern New Jersey. Her first assignment was at the city pier to examine a suspicious parcel. An alarm clock sounded an alarm inside the suitcase and Nancy pooped her Kevlar suit.

#

We moved along the trail in the bus, coming so close to the edge of the trail, we dislodged rocks and soil lining the outer edge. We watched as rocks bounced down the cliff, 700 feet to the river at the bottom. The driver carried on a conversation with the woman sitting behind him. Each time he made a point in his story, he turned around, gesturing wildly, ignoring the road. Some moved to the side of the bus away from the precipice, believing they would be able to jump out the window if the bus slipped over the side.

#

His heavy watch was edged with diamonds and green rubies. He was a retired manager with General Motors, living off his investments and his company retirement and stock. At 96, he still drove his Lexus SUV, although unsteadily, and with liberal use of brakes and horn. He was a nice man, in spite of being responsible for covering up unsafe production practices and faulty suspension and brake parts in the Olds and Cadillac lines during the 1950’s. The almighty took him one morning at home, when his wife backed over him in the driveway as he consulted his fancy watch.

#

Darryl Gripp, a fellow I knew who lived on the edge. Darryl’s life style, and his alcohol and drug habit finally caught up to him. He grew more depressed each day, not seeking any help and planning his solo demise. He weighed the different ways of cashing out and decided on “taking the gas”, as he heard it was painless, and you just went to sleep. He visited his mother for the last time in her New York apartment. Not remembering his mother had an all-electric kitchen, he suffered needlessly when he plunged his head far into her red-hot oven.

TOM

A Well Defined Relationship

“We need a edge,” said Banister. The jade waters of the Arno rushing
beneath his feet. “What did you have in mind?” ask Dino Mod reaching the
eastern banks of the Mea Cupa. “What is the must questionable aspect of
the Pastafarite dogma, where is the chink in their spiritual armor.
“They’re a pretty eclectic lot. shotgun belief system. Core believes on
the weak side. Their strong suit is a near manic level of skepticism
“Paradox or dilemma?” “Not much help with either.” Priest from neighboring
temples skirted the edge of FSM sanctuary. Banister and Dino melted into
their ranks

You Had to Be a Big Shot

They called him the Edge. A German sniper recently hired by the Agency to
attempt the impossible, a mile long shot. The Edge thoroughly consider all
possibilities. In the end he presented the Agency with the following: A 12
foot rail gun with a Schmidt & Bender MKIV. At the half mile mark a pulse
magnetic field the size of a softball which would drive the bullet to its
target. The Edge fired the shot into the zone, a few beats later the
bullet exploded in his brain. The idiots at YO YO DINE had crossed the
polarity.

The Edge

It was the 80s the air waves were thick with euro syntho pop. Aghast
bands were all the rage. No love songs just proto Emo droning. When New
Years day hit M-Tv it was no big deal, but no repeated re-listens you
started to pick up on the driving lead guitar. Fast forward to Live Aid U2
takes the stage and the Edge just rips up the landscape with a drive
version of Bad. At the time I thought these guys are going to be mega
stars. Joshua Tree sealed the deal with Where the Streets Have No Name

JEFFREY

Malice Aforethought
by Jeffrey Fischer

Alan rolled his wheelchair to the edge of the crowd. He couldn’t lift a barricade and carry it several blocks, the way his fellow protesters did, not with the pair of stumps he called legs these days, but he could be there in front of the White House, shouting at its mean-spirited occupant, and adding to the number of veterans angry at what was happening.

It was one thing to refuse to negotiate with House Republicans to end the government shutdown. Alan figured there was enough blame to go around that all sides could have their fill. But closing down open-air memorials – paying the police to be on duty to arrest veterans who just wanted to see the place, for God’s sake – was merely spiteful, and the blame lay squarely at 1600 Pennsylvania. Days like this one made Alan wonder why he bothered to protect the country from foreign enemies, when the biggest threats seemed to be in power.

Coming into Focus
by Jeffrey Fischer

Jason looked at the label: Namenda. He shook the bottle until four blue pills landed in his hand. He was fairly sure his grandmother wouldn’t miss them.

Tomorrow was the city-wide Math Bowl, and Jason needed any edge he could get. He knew athletes took steroids to boost performance, so he thought about what might give him a comparable edge until it hit him: he would borrow some of his grandmother’s Alzheimer’s medication. He figured four would be enough to sharpen his memory.

Jason realized his mistake in the middle of round two: his grandfather liked to keep his Viagra in other pill bottles to pretend he didn’t need the drug. Jason only hoped he could remain seated for the rest of the competition.

RICHARD

#1 – Edge of reason

Emily’s take on reality may have been esoteric, but to George, it was simply another way of rationalising the situation he and the others now found themselves in.

During the past days, George himself had experienced circumstances that took him far beyond the edge of reason and had, at times, made him question his own sanity – anything that even remotely worked as a coping mechanism was just fine by him.

Besides, there was something about Emily he found very attractive and – in the name of survival of the species – he was quite prepared to do whatever duty required of him!

#2 – The Final Frontier

The edge of the universe isn’t what you’d expect – far from a tenuous, nebulous mass of loosely connected atoms, streaming outwards towards eternity, it’s actually a lot more defined.

It’s more like a vast rubberised wall – you should approach it carefully, sneak up on it even, because any faster than a brisk walk, you’re in for a shock.

If you hit the edge at any great speed, it’ll expand outwards, sucking you along, then at it’s furthest point, it’ll snap like a bungee cord, slinging you backwards at several times the speed of light…

Right back, to where you started.

#3 – Danger!

The sign was pretty straightforward – ‘Dangerous Cliff – keep away from the edge’ – but, boys will be boys, and a mix of bravado, a decent measure of foolishness and a youthful conviction that the normal rules didn’t apply to us, led to taking risks we should never have considered.

We’d walk perilously close to the edge to prove our boldness; we’d even sit, with feet dangling over the chasm, seemingly unimpressed by the drop below us.

Then, one fateful day, as we were larking about, Dangerous Cliff appeared, running towards us, and pushed my unfortunate companions to their death, far below.

#4 – Snip

It was said that Bernard cared more about his garden than people. Certainly his neighbour, Mrs Crump, thought so – every time she popped up with a cheery hello over the privet, he’d scowl back at her, before returning to his weeding.

Nobody thought he’d take things quite so far…

Mrs Crump’s body was found in her back garden, minus her head – which was eventually discovered lying in the middle of Bernard’s prize dahlias.

“I never meant to kill ‘er”, he told the police, “It’s not my fault her ‘ead ‘appened to pop up, right when I was trimming the ‘edge!”

RUTH

I worked for the Agency back in the eighties, before the War on Terror made being an Agent really dangerous. Back then, it wasn’t mad bombers, but more subtle, crafty foreign spies that we tracked down and “neutralized.” I was seeking a rogue MI-6 cell that had gone over the edge and was working for Stasi. The cell members were laying low in a British Literature research society, and I was close to finding the ringleader, someone known only as “The Professor.”

Silly me. I was expecting a dapper gentleman in a waist-coat; I was wrong. She was stunningly beautiful.

JULIE

Rebecca liked Jimmy. Then Jimmy didn’t like Rebecca and liked some other girl, so those girls decided they didn’t like Rebecca.

After a year of having her lunch thrown on the floor, and being pushed headfirst into the bathroom wall, Rebecca’s mother transferred her to another school.

In 1978, that would have fixed things, but it isn’t 1978.

Rebecca is on Facebook, and Twitter.

“Die, you bitch. Drink bleach. Jump.” #dieyoubitchandjumpnow.

Rebecca was pushed to the edge. She climbed the ladder to the top of the abandoned tower at the concrete factory and walked over the edge.

Bullies were arrested.

JOHN

When would it end? Once over the edge; seconds became hours. The sound was at first the rush of a breeze, then wind, then that of a jet engine.
A slideshow of my entire life rolled like a nightmarish carnival mixing images of joy with pain at an accelerating rate.
It was the constant pain of the latter scenes which had brought me to this crux- to the rooftop’s edge and then jumping.
Then, a deafening clap and a blackness that felt wet. The passerby’s on the sidewalk stared down abhorred at the splattered last of me. It was over.

MUNSI

There’ll come a time when you’ll feel pushed to the edge, when you can take no more, and you’ll be faced with a decision.

Back away, or stand your ground and fight.

I urge you, do not fight.

It’s not a fight you can win, I repeat: You. Will. Not. Win. That. Fight.

All you’ll do is destroy yourself, destroy everything you’ve worked for here, and for nothing, to no benefit.

So when the time comes, and it will, back away. Just back away.

Waiting tables is a bitch, dude. We’ve all been there. But seriously, don’t punch a customer…

LIZZIE

He walked past the woman sitting on the edge of the stone wall by the old road. She didn’t look at him; she stared at the floor. Something he couldn’t explain made him stop and go back. He sat beside her; she still didn’t look at him. He wanted to ask her why, but he just sat there looking at the same spot on the floor. They sat on that wall for a long time. Suddenly, she looked up. “Thank you,” she whispered. Later, she told him she decided to kill herself. She didn’t and never thought of it again.

SERENDIPITY

I peered through the crowd at the approaching vehicles – it was all going perfectly to plan.

Everybody’s attention was focussed away from me, no-one was looking my way, and why would anybody take any notice? I was just a nameless, faceless individual, barely perceptible, far away from the masses, on the very edge of the crowd.

On the very edge… but today, I would not go totally unnoticed.

Closer they came. I took aim, and pulled the trigger.

Then screams, and panic, while I – a solitary figure, on the edge of perception – walked quietly away from the grassy knoll.

DOUGLAS

Title: Just another day of headlines in America: 10-18-2013

Goverment reopens after Congress passes budget deal, raises debt limit

Conservative Republicans still fighting health care law

Colo. shooting lawyers tussle over sanity evidence

Suspected Victoria’s Secret shoplifters found with fetus

Blackwater guards face new charges in Iraq shootings

Man with knife forces way onto Ark. school bus

Panel: Discharge Marine captain in urination case

2 arrested in death of bullied Florida girl

Ohio trooper who gave murder suspects ride demoted

Bias alleged in Naval Academy sex assault case

Man charged with trying to carjack Cal Ripken Jr.’s mom

Couple who died holding hands ‘were always together,’ son says

STEVEN THE NUCLEAR MAN

“Answer me,” I repeat, hating my voice.

In the chair, he struggles against the ropes, grunts, but doesn’t speak.

I extend my fifth arm. The scalpel at the end glints in the flickering fluorescents. My servos whine in the quiet room.

He glances at them, at my camera, then down to his scuffed leather shoes.

I synthesize more words, the blades sliding closer to him. “Why did you make me into an ugly robot?”

My third arm reaches from behind, grasps his soft human hair, pulls his head back.

“You’re beautiful,” he says as the scalpel slides across his throat.

SINGH

7.5

Madam’s lesson – a tennis ball –

round as a planet, yellow as the sun,

could not orbit this circle of hands.

“Come on Jyoti – catch and say the word.”

The girl student stunned and speechless;

dropped the ball. Madam retrieved it,

threw another playful chance

round as a planet, yellow as the sun.

Again, the young brown girl

with pink ribbon snaking through her plait

was not so clear: is this work or play,

her face was saying: do I, do I, do I have to?

She dropped the ball, bright with future prospects –

round as a planet, yellow as the sun.

7.6

Margaret took the photo from her purse, –

her old life in a crumpled print:

she snatched quick glances between the classes –

two girls plucking Packham pears

from Adelaide backyard sunlight shining

through Grandma-hands of branches, where

roots would never die in this still-life,

leaves surviving their yellow frost-spots;

mulch remained her vegetal foothold,

although the restlessness had quit

that winter pear for these papayas.

Guilt was the spasm in the chest –

her girls were back now with their Papa:

this hard fact still goaded, till

annunciation, a voice spoke up:

bow to your path, just drop it all.

7.7

In town, at the restaurant they cleared his dishes

diced cabbage, white radish, onion slices

left on a thali of jeera rice and raajma.

His belly full, he sipped a glass of chai

and shuffled now the Bhagavad Gita cards

One flipped out and stood there on its edge

before toppling face-up on the table:

Holy role-play rescues, while black acts end in bondage;

don’t worry, O Arjuna, the light is written in you.

This was a cue to change his shirt and pants!

So obvious. Just reach for a local look.

“Dress for success,” the Western mantra shouted.

7.8

Reborn arse-about in time-pass India
‘role-play’ just meant “fake it till you make it.”

If you look like a yogi you will act like one,

he told himself. And so went off to the tailor

dodging cars and scooters, the diesel buses,

peanut-stacked and banana-mountain pushcarts

for plain white colour — a universal makeover

in tera-rubiya, thin washable acrylic.

In blissful ignorance he chose to self-bestow
the spotless look as if could be bought,

not kowtowing to monastic rules,

yet might be double-edged, a tougher standard

hard to live by, not to mention washing.

7.9

He spent some days coming and going

to the local tailor, Ram Prakash

getting some white pleated cholas, shirts

and stitching lengths of cotton

with gold edging – his snappy

yogic garb, along with leather sandals.

His hair and beard were growing

and there were beads around his neck

bought at a Delhi emporium

before they left. Yogi was a yogi

by all appearances.

Passing villagers upon the roads

now bowed or stared, astonished

at the sadhu, a White,

those envied in foreign countries.

Now one walking from the mandir,

and suddenly arriving at the village school

peering through the papaya trees.

7.10

At first she did know what to think at all,

his coming and going off secretly to the town,

then appearing back here like a holy joe,

reborn in white. It wasn’t so much the colour

as the style — the calf-length pleated robe

that spread out wide as a dress around the bottom

with sandals and white shawl over shoulder.

It was not what most men around here wore

who went modern with plain Western pants and shirt.

The women still wore Punjabi suits or saris,

last bastions of the double-standard fashion,

where women were supposed to stay demure.

7.11

The women here were expected to uphold tradition.

Perhaps it was unfair. She should let him

pass without a comment, or correction.

Anyway, their skin would always stick out here.

She was, after all, in a Punjabi suit

trying to blend in with the other women, yet

her radicalism was read here in reverse.

“We’ll, what do you think?” He asked, upon arriving.

The children tittered on their dusty mats

as he cat-walked up the centre to the tree

before her, queen-like on a cane-backed throne.

“Impressive,” she said, and nodded, and that was that.

7.12

Kuldeep! Gunti vajao! Gunti vajao!

Madam told again the monitor to bang

the shard of resonant brass –

the ‘school bell’ hanging from a tree

on its sharp ‘j’ of wire.

Let the bell sound out from the past.

This would end the cricket match

on the field beyond the hand-pump

and old brick toilet.

Ploughed just yesterday

into clumsy clods,

it had since been picked clean

thanks to the bagalas –

grey water herons with heads like wedges

and deft beaks that drill

the soil for worms.

Today, the one-day-acolytes of cricket,

who throw the red leather ball

rather than bowl it

were clomping, laughing, falling over

in the clod field.

Madam gave the cricket set

from her meagre savings

along with tennis balls and skipping ropes.

All were deposited now

in the tea chest of memory –

a magician’s trick

going back into the hat,

along with the cricket bat

wearing fresh scars.

Gunti vajao! Gunti vajao!

7.13

He heard her door bell

beyond the circling crows

and passing buffaloes.

As math class chimed its numbers,

as wind played snare drum with the pipal leaves

the Adelaide Hills bell ding-donged

as he had placed his hand, sweaty as a frog’s

upon the fly-screen mesh.

It was that first time

now how many months ago?
Were they old together already?

He’d come for dinner

gravel-crunching her drive,

a newborn crowning

through the foliage of the weeping elm

of a dry-season country

and pressed the door bell

to light up a girlish head

seven years his senior.

7.14

He was somewhere else

she was somewhere else

now that he had come

and she had her job

he was nowhere nowhere

meanwhile he sat

under the pipal

glad to be here

looking straight up

wasps hovered

where green leaves

hid the hive

one by

one they

pushed

past

fresh ones

jump jets

motored straight

into air

hovering

first like upthrust

Harrier planes

then buzzed his head

and raced for sky

they too had their work

to search out and destroy

intruders at the gate

he got up now to go

the wasps followed him

was he some Pied Piper?

7.15

She thought of Yogi gone to the edge of the river

that once flowed through Heaven –

Ganga Ma, channelled by King Bhagiratha

in deep and rolling meditation.

Starting from the Gangotri Glacier,

She unbraids like Shiva’s matted locks

through the Gangetic flood plain

to the Bay of Bengal, 2,500 miles south.

Foreign Madam thought of her Yogi

clinging to the edge

where herons pecked

a living like one half of India.

She saw him in his white robe

sitting on a mound of dust beside

a mother, a goddess, an epic, a tradition –

one white dot against the vast blue sky.

7.16

He sat upon the mud bank, feeling the edge
of the wind like a hot knife to his spine.

Sweat trickled as he tried to come to terms

with the job of having no job. Yet, he had

come to India carrying suitcases. There

was suddenly no rhyme or reason, yet

he was jobless here just as he was at home,

wandering the continent with a guitar,

Mr Part-time. Overnight she’d become

a career option. Marriage with light duties.

He felt the hot knife of the wind dig in harder

and truly wondered if the river edge was safe.

7.17

Evening back at their hut,

after washing up

plates in a plastic bucket

squatting at the hand pump.

he came back, sat and breathed.

Squirrels were curious and came

to swipe any scraps, crumbs.

She sat on a cane chair,

he – on the earth-dung ground.

One climbed onto his knee,

onto the edge of him without fear

twitching paws and whiskers.

The creature could read him better

This was the real white Yogi,

not the holy joe,

The one who listened,

who carried the bags,

whose tranquility attracted

a fearless squirrel.

She saw had something special

when he didn’t try.

7.18

The sun was down, a kerosene lamp burning.

Cross-legged on a grass mat

he was chanting with his drum

like a long boat rowing to God.

Aum the current, a river that floated all

downstream like a thousand lights.

Rishis, munis, orange-styled swamis,

sadhus in loin cloths, digambers – naked:

she saw the place fill up with

holy ghosts, a congregation:

robes, shawls, head-dresses, beatific smiles

“What are they doing, what are saying?” he asked.

“They come to hear the Name

like waves rolling into shore

from the blurred horizon edge
that joins this world to the next one.”

SPATE

River Edge Nursing Home

Hello. Here to visit? That’s nice. It seems like Mrs. Baronoffsky is away from her desk. I’m a resident here, maybe I can help …

Or maybe you can help me. This is not a good place. It’s all about profit, profit, profit! They just keep us alive at the lowest possible cost; and when you get close to dying, God… the worst! See that river? Well, they wheel you over to the edge and plop, Davy Jones’ locker for you.

Who are you visiting?

Her?! ahhh… she’s busy feeding the fish right now.

There’s Mrs. Baronoffsky…

Mrs. Baronoffsky! Visitors!

CLIFF

His name came from a mis-remembered quote. “It’s the edge of the blade that does the cutting.” So, he became The Edge. He was to be a solitary figure ridding the streets of crime. No one knew his secret. He knew that only he was above the corruption that infested the city. Only he was worthy to be this city’s protector. Naturally, he was broken within a month. As he lay in the hospital, he remembered the rest of the quote. “It’s the edge of the blade that does the cutting but without steel behind it, it chips and shatters.

###

The great explorer addressed the assembled men.
Today, we stand at the edge of the map. Behind us is civilization. Ahead of us is adventure. Ahead of us is glory. Out there, beyond the borders, we will find our destinies, our dreams and our passions. We will find out who we truly are. Out there, my friends, is immortality. Out there, we will burn our names in the sky. Now tell me what the towns and villages behind us can offer you compared to that.
One lone voice called out, “They’ve got beer!”
The expedition fell apart quickly after that.

REDGODDESS AND BONCHANCE

Edge
In relationships, just like work, it’s good to have an edge. Lola’s lover has simple tastes in food but a refined palate for good wines. He told stories of wining and dining clients to close big contracts. He’s quiet yet quite the chatterbox when relaxed. Lola has a congenial personality at the hotel and has had feelings of being out of her element with management. She soaks in his wine lists and the dishes to pair them with. She imagines the two of them traveling tasting life together. Their pairing seems to have given her that extra edge she needed.

NORVAL JOE

Long John Silver cowered beneath the junipers in Widow Finklestien’s front hard. The puppies’ hysterical yapping from the back yard drove him closer to the edge of canine sanity.
Collie dockles, dolly cockles, long-haired screaming rats. Call them what you want, to Long John they were fiends from hell.
And Missy. While she was pregnant she was a bitch by every definition of the word, but she should have mellowed since the little maniacs were born. Missy’s whine, rising from the back yard was the last straw.
Long John dashed to the sidewalk and down the street to his home.

JUSTIN

Sam and Max, freelance police, careened across the desert landscape, car catching air and kicking dust into the sky. Dodging tumbleweeds and lizard-festooned rocks, they came to their destination and did a power slide to stop near a cliff.

They hopped out of the car and Max pointed out the tentacled cactus dangling Flint Paper over the edge of the precipice. “Can I shoot it Sam?” “Hold on little buddy, he might drop Flint.” “That’s right, he still owes five bucks!”

Max walked up and grabbed the cactus and ate it, then spit Flint Paper out. “Where’s my five bucks?”

TURA

Only one tree grows in the semi-arid margins of the Sahara desert, the amberzand. Its branches make such twisted, tortured shapes that staring too long at them might drive one mad. The punctuation sign is named after it.

Its fruits resemble blueberries, but are hard as wood, as if in mockery of a traveller’s hunger. The desert Arabs suck them as a palliative against thirst, and perhaps against their harsh lives, for they are mildly hallucinogenic. In the nineteenth century, a French explorer brewed a liqueur of them, but was horribly overcome by the fumes. None have repeated his experiment.

ZACKMANN

“I hear we live our lives on the razor’s edge” Said Jake
Joe responded “I thought we lived our lives on the edge of a zombie breakout. You don’t think Chris Saint just made that stuff up for On The Edge of Darkness do yah?”
Jake answers “That’s just crazy. You know that’s fiction, right?”
“How can it be fiction when Canadian Parliament has made a zombie plan for when thousands of Ford Edges return to their birthplace of Canada filled with panicked Americans on their way to the edge of Lake Winnipeg hoping zombies won’t like ten month winters.”

PLANET Z

We live on the edge of town.

No, not on the West Side. Or East Side.

Or at the river’s edge.

And we don’t live under the town, either. That doesn’t make any sense.

The Mole People’s Empire is down there. Do we look like Mole People?

We are the Sky Lords. We live on our sky platform at the edge of the atmosphere, where the air is thin.

Too thin. We pass out a lot because of the lack of oxygen.

Perhaps we should lower the platform?

And install guardrails, too. Lost my grandmother that way. And my dog.

Weekly Challenge #390 – River

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was RIVER.

We’ve got stories by:

The next 100 word stories weekly challenge is on the topic of EDGE.

Use the Share buttons at the end of the post to spam your social networks. This obligatory cat photo should help make the Internet go faster:

Curly Tinny

Finally, if there are any errors or corrections, please let me know, and I’ll fix them as soon as possible.

THOMAS

The river of words flowed through my mind. Moving quickly, twisting and turning with the currents, bumping against the banks on their way to the river’s mouth and the open sea. When I awoke, I would try to remember the words that played tag, bumped into each other, or joined as they wound through the river’s course. I would look at the notebook on my night table, squinting to read the rough scratches I made in the night, if I awoke from a dream. Some days, I would be lucky enough to pour some of these words out onto paper.

#

The hobo lived in a shack by the river. As a boy, we’d go down to the river to throw stones, and harass the black man that lived in a shanty near the river’s edge. We would yell taunts, jump up and down, and run away if he stepped out of his shack. He was something unique, unusual and unknown that made us do what we did. He was attacked as he fished for his supper. He never yelled at us, and kept his head down. I am still saddened and ashamed, more than sixty years later. Forgive me, please.

#

In spite of a painful creek in his neck, he was able to put together new lyrics to the tune, Old Man River, employing the stream of conscious method he learned at The Little School of Mystery and Heirloom Tomatoes in Boulder, Colorado. A deluge of ideas cascaded through his brain, as he constructed new lyrics for the tune, as a present for the 44th birthday of the master. The tune began with the words, “Old Guru, Larry, That Old Man Larry, he must know something, but he doesn’t say nothing, he just keeps meditating, he keeps on meditating alone.”

#
I wish I had a river that I could canoe away on. A long, blue, sparkling, clean, river – full of jumping fish; flashes of Blue Herons and folks picnicking on the banks in straw hats, playing with their children and the family dog. A surprise around every corner.

I wish had a river, straight, and easy to paddle…a light current that would carry me forward to a place where everyone, everyone, has a good word or a smile, and the sun is out…for as long as I like. A river I could float on, as my time grows close.

JEFFREY

Honeymoon
by Jeffrey Fischer

Standing on their stateroom’s balcony, the couple watched the countryside move by as the ship left the river and slowly ventured into the ocean. Behind them, the sun sank slowly below the horizon, casting the water with a gentle orange glow. The woman shivered slightly in the cool evening air, and the man put his arm around her. Waves crested and crashed, causing the ship to bob slightly in the shallow coastal waters.

A second marriage for both of them, he couldn’t help think of it as a second chance as well, an opportunity to avoid the mistakes he had made the first time around. He knew, though, that the hard part was about to begin, that their ship had left the safety of the river for the uncertainties of the ocean, and sometimes the waves were very large.

Up the River
by Jeffrey Fischer

When Clyde was convicted of robbery for the first time, he didn’t know much prison lingo. However, even he thought he knew what it meant to be sent “up the river,” so he was quite surprised to find himself on a cleanup crew assigned to the state park upriver. Sporting an orange jumpsuit, he and his fellow convicts picked up trash left by anti-social tourists, trimmed trees, and cleared brush. It was unpleasant work in a pleasant environment.

The best part of the work was the education Clyde received. In addition to a newfound appreciation for the outdoors, he learned the secrets of older, albeit not very successful, criminals, and planned his next three robberies.

JOHN

The Journey of a River Named Emmanuel
by John Musico

Emmanuel was born of the highest mountaintop which was snowy white and looked down upon the world below.
Given legs, Emmanuel meandered down the mountainside. As he cascaded from one region to another, he cleansed the earth in his path.
Finally Emmanuel’s journey led to an arid land named Calvary where the heat beat down upon him transforming him to vapor.
He floated higher and higher above the clouds- returning to the mountaintop; rejoining with his father.
After he had ascended to the sky, there was no trace of his existence upon the land. Emmanuel wondered if he’d be remembered.

LIZZIE

The river twisted and turned in a familiar path. When Rick saw that last new turn, he was confused. It was blocked by debris, so he jumped off the boat to investigate. The more he tried to shove the debris aside, the deeper he was buried in it. First, he saw an arm… He got closer, carefully. The body was face down, bloated, scratched. Although disgusted by the looks of it, Rick turned it over and saw his own face. He remembered now. He had been lost in the river, looking for the way out for weeks, after that storm…

RICHARD

#1 – Emily

Over the course of the ensuing days, George had plenty of opportunity to get to know his new found allies. Apart from the occasional sorties to scavenge supplies for the group, there was little else to occupy his time.

He found himself gravitating towards Emily, a thirty-something woman, with dreadlocked hair and a decidedly new age outlook on their situation.

“Life”, she would say, “is a river… we are caught in its current and swept along with it – resisting its flow is pointless.”

George thought she was barking mad, but she amused him, and it helped pass the time.

#2 – Crossing over

People wonder why I do this job and not something a little less creepy.

I can understand, but every job has perks – it’s a steady wage and no chance of being replaced by a machine or a sudden fall in demand. It’s a skilled profession, and I’m not stuck behind an office desk all day.

Then there’s the people… you’d be amazed at the characters I get to meet. In fact, it’s only a matter of time before our paths cross, and it’s your turn to cross the river… and then you’ll see I’m the best damn ferryman there is!

#3 – Against the flow

A river of blood caused an ocean of tears – emotions burst their banks and flooded the land, yet peace it seems, was simply a bridge too far.

The glib words of politicians washed over us: wave after wave of meaningless flotsam, pouring from a wellspring of washed-out speechwriters – a fast-flowing current of rhetoric… we were drowning in propaganda.

It was clear the politicians didn’t give a damn. The tide of public opinion turned: anger overflowed, bubbling over in an outpouring of resentment – a watershed had been reached – revolution!

Finally… peace! And the soldiers began to stream back home.

CLIFF

Clyde stood on the moonlit bridge looking down at the river. Thin ice covered the water near the shore, but her e in the center, it flowed dark and inviting. “Looks like you could drop the whole town in there and no one would ever find it,” he said. He took a deep breath, building up his courage. “They’ll probably say it’s a cowardly thing to do, but a man can only be pushed so far. At least now, maybe I can find some peace.” Then Clyde lifted his neighbor’s musical Christmas yard statue and dropped it over the side.

TOM

A Well Defined Relationship part 19

The center of Bowsmen was triangulated by three rivers. The Tiber
running North to South, the Arno East to West, the Rubicon running
North-by-Nortwest. The island in the confluence of these rivers was called
the Mea Culpa. Along the banks of the Mea Culpa stood the highest
concentration of temples, synagogs, church, Mosque in the solar system. At
it’s apex sat Mea Maxima Culpa with its newly ruined temple. The shattered
remains of a mosaic depicting the Eight Armed bringer of noodles. The
Pastafarites pour over the Bridge of Sighs thus crossing the Rubicon
“Alea iacta est” thought Timmy

The River

Alma Sue and Billy spent the summer skin dipping in the river beside the
refinery. Alma Sue ever shy always had Billy turn his back while she
undressed. Billy dutiful turned and closed his eyes till he heard the
splash. With the cloak of the dark waters she would sidled up to Billy.
Despite the glow of her crucifix Alma Sue felt safe in the river. Zombies
can’t swim, but they’re damn good floaters Prone to hyper gag reflex there
was little chance they would attempt a bit in the water.
As clusters float by you could hear: brains brains.

Broken Promise

When I saw the topic strains of the Bruce Springsteen flowed cross my
mind. “Go down to the river and into the river we dive.” Being a
contemporary of the Boss I know well the deeper meaning of that river.
When everything was extracted it was abandoned. A promise so deeply broken
it can scarey be captured in words. But he did ” I got Mary pregnant, man
that was all she wrote.” Good lord that was two generation ago. What’s
this place going to look like when the rest of the hope is gone. go down
to the river.

MUNSI

On the Subject of Wisdom

By Christopher Munroe

Every river flows into the sea.

It’s the sort of thing that sounds immensely profound, pregnant with meaning. The sort of koan in which deep truths can be found, if only you find the wisdom within yourself to really look, to truly understand…

…and yet, if you stop to think about it, it’s a completely meaningless turn of phrase. Factually accurate, but with no more depth than the equally true “ice is cold”, or “the sun does shine”.

Nonetheless, say it to somebody after a few drinks, in the right context, and who knows? It might just get you laid…

ZACKMANN

“I thought you had such a good idea to take a boat on the river and head south for the winter maybe ending up at the Red River but you know how you thought all rivers flow the same way; south?”

“Yeah Joe, since all rivers run south we’ll get someplace warmer maybe the gulf in Mexico.”

“That Welcome to Canada sign makes me think we took a wrong branch and are on the Red River of the North which flows north. All rivers do flow the same direction; downhill. Hopefully you’ll really like spending the winter on Lake Winnipeg ”
zackmann

SERENDIPITY

Old Jake was legendary to those whose weekends were spent at the river.

There wasn’t an angler among us who hadn’t lost a prize catch to him, or sat shivering on the river bank throughout the long cold night, hoping to ensnare the wily pike.

Jake was the source for many a yarn, retold in the Fishermans’ Arms, where he was known as ‘The River Spirit’. It was said with confidence that he’d never be caught, not by any mortal means at any rate.

How wrong they were!

It’s amazing how effective a couple of sticks of dynamite can be!

SEVI AND BONCHANCE

River Street Library

Jim decided to make a detour to his local library on River Street prior to the start of his work week.

Five minutes to opening there was a large crowd waiting for the doors to unlock. It had been a bitter cold night. Winter’s chill lingered in the morning air as he gathered his collection of borrowed Edger Allen Poe books.

Jim remembered days when there was less talk of economic recovery and fewer people huddled to gain access to the warm River Street Library.

Jim relished the comfort of his jacket against his skin with hope in his heart.

RED

There is a river that runs through Lola’s neighborhood to the hotel. Many residents treasure it as if it were “La seine” itself. Lola gazes through the foggy bus windows with sadness as she watches the fishermen, rowers, boaters and ducks on the water, soaking in nature’s beauty. It occurs to her, she has never taken a walk, had a picnic or even rode a ferry to the many islands close by. It’s ironic that tourists seem to explore the city more fully than those who live here.

DANNY

The movie “A River Run’s Through It” was the first thing that came to mind as heavy rain caused the river behind my home to flood its banks. Now a river literally runs through my home. Walls are missing, but frame and foundation is holding strong. Hopefully FEMA will take that into consideration before hiking my flood insurance premiums. Thanks, Florida, for not presenting any legal challenge to the rate hikes, filing a “friend of the court” brief supporting Mississippi’s case doesn’t help. I have no idea what this has to do with fly fishing, Brad Pitt, or rural Montana.

NORVAL JOE

Yellow flourescent tubes flickered and went dark, robbing the shopper of their meager luminescence. A brown glow beyond the register implied an avenue of escape. The cashier, his waxy corpse, a silouette against a shadow, sat on his stool, a rigor mortis guard.
Behind himself, buried in the darkness, a frozen-section compressor, thumped, rattled, then hissed its last, dying breath.
A mouse, alone, skittered past his feet, then another, and more, a river of peeping, squeeking vermin flowed down the aisle, past the rotting sentry and away, free.
The shopper didn’t move, couldn’t move, frozen, alone forever in his hell.

JUSTIN

I am a game character! I have mighty power! I can carry fifty guns, I can hold four hundred potions, I can survive the onslaught of innumerable foes! I fight with steel and magic. I can survive catching fire, getting shot with arrows and struck with falling objects. I can leap over chasms, swing on vines, and slide down snowy hills. Rock slides? No problem. Car chases? Easy. Drive a tank? I can do that, and fire the guns at the same time!

But if I put as much as one foot in water. I drown. What is the deal?

TURA

The Moving City was built a thousand years ago at the mouth of a great river, well placed for trade by sea, river, and land.

The city prospered, but over the centuries the river gradually swelled its flow, spreading over its banks and forming new branches. Buildings close to the river sagged into softening ground. Their owners abandoned them and rebuilt upstream.

And so, as the river mouth developed into a great, swampy delta, the city drifted miles inland. At last it reached the rocky ground where it now stands. But by tradition, they still call it the Moving City.

SINGH

From Foreign Madam and the White Yogi

a verse novel in progress

This work is set between Australia and India travelling via North America and Europe visiting relatives. In this episode Australian Yogi and French-Canadian Margot with two cranky daughters from her previous marriage are sightseeing in Chichester, West Sussex Later they get a taxi back to their friend’s cottage in Dimple Lane.

1

Lunch and double ice-cream. A signpost walk

to museums, pubs, a flower show, cream tea –

an hour’s stroll around the Roman wall

that’s been five metres high two thousand years.

The girls were not adventurers – just bored

and dragged their little heels on down the path

far from history – back to Australia

talking about Papa. “Can we call later?”

“I’m tired Mummy,” moaned Pauline. “Let’s go!”

while Adele played Glass Eyes. Yet, poor Margot

knew the game was up. It was time to get

a sleepy cab at the Square.

Away they went.

Miss Walkman hardly seeing the languid river;

2

Miss Glass Eyes paid no heed to the bumpy bridge,

stone-masoned, where those haloes of black gnats

were fish food hour upon the village water.

A man was casting a fly beyond the midges.

“Stop the cab,” said Yogi. “Do we have to?”

the girls complained. “Just for a second,” he said.

The driver stopped and Yogi wound down his window

to see the line whiplash and strike as the leaping fish

made its escape across the short fat river.

But the fisherman worked his line and soon all heard

the scream of the reel as the tussle then ensued.

3

The fish lunged to the right, until the angler

checked him. Then he dived, causing the rod
to dip, but the spring of it was too strong
and he had to rise, shattering the plate-glass
surface, its back smacking like a hand;

and plunged down deep, fighting the line

taut against his body, then tugging it away
from its mouth. The fish fought with water
diving to gain leverage with its tail
as if to ram its enemy. But it grew tired
and soon it was over. The fisherman reeled in
and scooped up his shining silver in the net.

4

“He caught it, Mummy!” said the fierce Pauline,

while Adele was silent. She was ever thoughtful,
while Yogi was remembering his father:

the fisherman, the outdoors sportsman chap

so deft and quick, unlike inadequate Yogi
who once went fishing up the Shoalhaven River
and never hooked a thing, while the Expert coaxed

a big brown trout from its hide-hole with a spinner
cast out and dropped below the spitting falls.

The fish was always himself thrashing against
superior Dad. He flinched, winding up the window.

“Let’s go driver,” he said, and soon the taxi

was puttering homebound into Dimple Lane.

PLANET Z

While Professor Walls works on the time machine, the rest of us deploy the emergency environment bubble.

There’s no telling what insects or bacteria are out there that could kill us all in a microsecond.

Or, I suppose, bacteria that we carry which could wipe out all life on the planet.

We’ve sent out a few drones to scout around and take pictures.

It’s mostly simple plants and pond scum around here. I think we overshot our mark by a few hundred million years.

Eventually, Professor Walls says we’re good to go.

I hope he doesn’t overshoot the mark again.

Weekly Challenge #389 – Deception

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was DECEPTION.

We’ve got stories by:

The next 100 word stories weekly challenge is on the topic of RIVER.

Use the Share buttons at the end of the post to spam your social networks. This obligatory cat photo should help make the Internet go faster:

Closet cat

Finally, if there are any errors or corrections, please let me know, and I’ll fix them as soon as possible.

THOMAS

We were deceived. Angela was an expert at deception. She accessorized with a number of plastic and rubber accoutrements which enhanced her average frame. On the dance floor, from a distance of ten meters, she was a statuesque figure; buxom, thin waisted, voluptuous hips and derriere. Closer, the camouflage was apparent. Skin didn’t match, supplements slipped out of position. Adhesives warmed and wet with perspiration were out of alignment or…pulled by gravity…shifted down and away, leaving a trail of adhesive or toner. She was the belle of the ball until she slithered out, covered in her enormous, green wrap.
#
Helmut deceived the girls at the beach. Slipping a smoked kielbasa into his Speedo, he stood proud, cocky, hands on hips, drinking from a bota. He learned this deception from his frat brothers at State. They would stock up at Safeway before driving to Santa Cruz. One of the lads used all his cash to gas up his Olds, so he had to make do without any sausage props. He borrowed a pair of gym socks to form a bolster that he stuffed into his swimsuit. Explaining his unusual outbreak of athlete’s foot to the University doctor was a challenge.
#
The magician, Jonathan, was a master of deception. His specialty was close-up magic. Years of practice honed his hand magic skills to the master level. Twice a year, he and his lady friend would travel to The Magic Castle, a showcase for the world’s best magicians, and headquarters for the Academy of Magical Arts and an exclusive club for magicians and fans of magic. Last year, Jonathan performed the Kapolowski Ultra Move, wowing the audience and the other performers at the show. His friends begged him for the details of his trick, offering money or a night with their woman.
#
Deception Lake is located about thirty miles due West, just on the other side of Nichols Corner. The lake water is dark because of the minerals dissolved in the water. Only two feet deep at the shore and two and half feet deep in the middle, Deception Lake has claimed the lives of scores of drunks and careless, show-offs that run from the beach and dive into the water, taking a high arc, and crashing head first into the rocky bottom. Signs were posted around the lake, but teenagers and miscreants removed the signs as fast as they were installed.
#
I became a purveyor of deception when I went to a writing workshop at her home. I entered the dark, tiled foyer, and when it was requested that I remove my shoes, I asked for two plastic bags so I could slip them over my boots. The ploy worked, and I was allowed entry. (I had a hole in the toe of my sock.) The four women read their work, as I sat on the couch, ten feet away from their tiny, ornate table, crowded with manuscripts. I excused myself saying I remembered I had left something in the oven.

JEFFREY

Last Trick
by Jeffrey Fischer

They say that magic is really the art of deception. The left hand creates a distraction so the right hand can whisk away the object, making it “disappear.” The magician’s stage patter and his beautiful assistant provide dual distractions for the magician to open hidden compartments.

The conjurer who called himself Mysterio planned one last deception, but it was his most important. During the trick of the Sawed Lady he did his usual misdirection for the audience, then killed his cheating partner before disappearing beneath the stage, his getaway set.

When police officers arrested Mysterio leaving the back door of the theater, Detective Smith looked the killer in the eyes. He said, “We’re not that dissimilar: sometimes police work also involves an artful deception.”

A Grey Area
by Jeffrey Fischer

When Markus began his affair, he gave no thought as to how he’d manage to keep his wife in the dark. As time went on, however, he began to run out of excuses for coming home late.

He hit on the idea of faking a book club, so he could be out of the house on a regular schedule. He typed up a list of books they would read, he invented fictional participants, and even baked cookies every few months when it was ostensibly his turn.

His deception ended when his wife followed him one night. When the door opened, the entire “club” consisted of Markus and a lingerie-clad brunette.

“Gee,” said Markus’s wife, “I didn’t realize tonight’s book was 50 Shades of Grey.”

SPATE

Triple Deception

Maybe I exaggerated the truth a little bit. Okay… I lied.

But it was my lifelong dream to be an author and when this job asking for a writer came up, well… I had to lie. Who is going to hire a writer whose only experience was a few 100 word stories? (And they weren’t even that good.)

But in the end it turned out it was their deception.

Tickets?!
The only things I would be writing were tickets!
My job was to write freaking parking tickets!!!

Well… at least my legs look absolutely stunning in this meter maid uniform.

LIZZIE

“Some doors are best left closed,” he said, when he got back home.

She became angry at him because she thought it was better to clarify things, to talk about what was not right, to be honest. It was easy to get trapped in routines and entangled in the petty little every-day-life bickering.

“To grow above that, we cannot open all doors,” he replied.

She tried to understand, but she couldn’t… Unspoken, muddled half-truths broke her heart.

He walked away. “I’m right,” he thought, only to become so lonely in his fake righteousness.

She stayed, alone, behind a closed door.

RICHARD

#1 – Fort Hope
Fort Hope, it transpired, relied heavily on the art of deception.

Clever use of shipping containers, sheet metal and bits of old machinery contrived to give the impression of a secure, well-fortified compound. The reality was very different – the fortress would struggle to hold off any determined assault and was a potential death trap for anyone caught inside. It did, however, provide a much-needed sense of security.

The ‘Resistance’ were a pretty disorganised bunch, but no more so than George himself, and for the first time, George dared to think that his fortunes had changed for the better.

#2 – Place your bets

“Now, watch my hands carefully”

Rapidly, I switched the cups, sliding them quickly across the table, under the observant gaze of the mark, egged on by his friends.

“Now… which one is the pea under?”

He chose the left and lost the bet – as he always would, no matter which cup he decided on.

The gullible might call what I do ‘magic’, others may say ‘sleight of hand’, to the cynical it’s a ‘confidence trick’ – but, however you dress it up – it’s deception, plain and simple.

You can call it whatever you like – to me, it’s ‘money in the bank’.

#3 – Monkeys

It’s not really deception – I prefer to call it ‘enterprise’.

My publisher gives me a topic, I pass it to my to my team of trained monkeys, they come up with the stories, and I claim all the credit.

Why monkeys? Well, they’re cheaper than paying ghost writers – for the cost of a few old typewriters and plenty of bananas, I get all the stories I want.

Sometimes they get it wrong; occasionally they poop on the manuscripts, and I do wish they’d stick to producing short stories…

For some reason, they’re obsessed with typing the complete works of Shakespeare.

#4 – Coming Soon

In a world where movies are sold on the strength of their trailers, deception is the name of the game.

This year, we’ll take every explosion, every car chase and every romantic interlude from a three hour movie, and cram it into a two minute trailer.

You’ll laugh, you’ll cry and you’ll be completely convinced that this is the greatest movie ever made.

But It’s not.

It’s three long hours of mindless tedium, bad acting and confusing plot, interspersed with two short minutes of stunning raw action.

But what do we care?… as long as you’re paying to watch it.

TOM

If You Try Real Hard You Get What You Need.

She was practiced at the art of deception. Yep that’s my mum. Wouldn’t
think it, but a hard core rock and roller, serious Robert Johnson fan.
Spent late nights talking politics with Mick. Even in his 20s the front
man was a serious Tory. Good friends they were, she pulled some major
strings when the lads got in that nasty business with drugs. Music money
helped her quiet rise through parliament. In 67 she, Rockefeller and
Jagger attended a reception for the International Monetary Fund in New
York all posh and all, but that night all Sympathy for the Devil.

Waltz Across America

In the US the divorce rate is roughly two out of three marriages. The sure
mass of on going infidelity should’ve had a profound effect on the
American Psyche, but thanks to refined levels of cognitive dissonance and
an open embracing of daily deception, we’ve collectively maintained a
NeoPuritan view of marriage. Personally I believe its more a matter of
Commedia dell’arte. Some of us have been give the mask of the ruling
class, others the mask of the serving class. In a futile afford to adopt
the airs of our betters we have abandoned our true nature: serial
shagging.

A Well Defined Relationship Part Isipal

Mother moved towards the street. She was checked by the Senator’s hand.
“We won’t overtake this crowd. There is another way, further no small
amount of deception will be needed.” With Mother in tow the Senator headed
back across the tea room through the kitchen entrance. He started
rummaging through pots and pans. For a moment Widow Parsons wondered what
on earth was he doing? Her son was at the mercy of some mob. The honorable
gentleman was wasting time with cooking utensils. “One size fits all,”
said Mr Smith raising two spaghetti strainers. Out the loading dock they
went.

TURA

The new client showed me his business card: “Master of the Art! D. Zepshen.”

“What art?” I asked.

“The Art of D. Zepshen!”, he exclaimed. In a flurry of movement he transformed into a tall, slender, faceless figure, tentacles waving from his back.

“Ok, Slenderman impression,” I said in my bored voice. “I can probably find you some work at Halloween parties. Anything else?”

He changed into a Jedi with a lightsaber. Then a Pink Panther. “My résumé,” he announced importantly, presenting an envelope. It was a writ from my ex’s lawyer.

He gloated, “D. Zepshen, writ server, wins again!”

STEVEN

She is still online.

Quotes pump out on her Twitter feed, one every three hours. Her Tumblr shares funny images, the occasional poignant quote. Three posts a day.

I read her blog, every Monday. Ten in the morning. Like clockwork.

The rest of it doesn’t matter. Not the bounced e-mails. Not the offline indicator on Jabber or Facebook or Skype. Not the stuffy home with the overwrought quasi-Victorian wallpaper, the smarmy attendant, the stifling heat in the suit jacket in the stone-littered field. Her weeping parents.

The casket.

None of it.

She is still online.

For now, she’s still alive.

SERENDIPITY

I received one of those spam emails from a Nigerian businessman, offering to make me a millionaire. Do these people really think we’re gullible enough to fall for such blatant attempts at deception?

It was high time that somebody fought back!

I hacked into his mail server, set up a re-direct and waited to see what would happen.

Surprisingly, it seems people are actually pretty gullible – every day I’ve been getting emails accompanied by large deposits into my bank account.

Deception – it seems – really does pay, and thanks to my helpful Nigerian businessman friend, I have indeed become a millionaire!

SINGH

78
It was dark when Bhim returned to the hut and handed over the catfish and crabs. Devika had been doing her hut chores and collecting water, but felt a nagging loneliness. Priya seemed disturbed also.
“Where is Baba?” Devika asked passing Bhim a cup of goat’s milk.
“Gone,” is all he answered, drinking only half the cup.
Devika boiled the crabs and fish pieces. She was rationing the oil. The lack of basic supplies in the shaman’s store was beginning to frustrate her. That night she pulled her sleeping mat next to her husband, but he had turned to the window.

79
She felt rows of bamboo had grown between them. It wasn’t conscious deception. His dialogues and savage journeys would have scared her. Neither would he have known how to explain about the old man’s death. Instead, he spent more hours on the water than he needed for the fishing. As weeks passed she noted him spending long hours too in the temple, and after hearing strange voices, she sometimes crept up close to listen. Had visitors come? The prospect of returning to the world of community and familial warmth was her one wish. Meanwhile, he hunted her away with harsh words.

80
Bhim didn’t mean to shut out Devika, but the inner life demanded it’s due. After the shaman’s death, he had felt the baba’s power increasing day day day in him, but hadn’t noticed a new sharpness in his tone. Devika didn’t know what to do, but kept on with her chores and purposely forgot to wear the mask sometimes when going for water just to spark a reaction from him. Although his words were jagged, they were better than no words at all. She took refuge in her Lakshmi puja morning and evening and from resentment stopped going to Bonobibi’s temple.

81
Each day Bhim Das was becoming part of the Sundarbans’ untamable ecocosm. Representing Bonobibi’s symbolic brother Sha Jungli, the go-between rider of the tiger soul prowled through the shamanic levels assuming goddess power. Each shaman became his human face, and soon he would have to assume duties with the villagers, park officials, and be ever watchful of poachers. Yet, who would authorise a young man in place of the old shaman? Now Bhim Krishna Das would have to go and assert and become acceptable as the man who could offer protection prayers for fishermen, honey-gathers, wood cutter charcoal makers.

82
Meanwhile, he went on the tiger journeys mentally visiting old villages and farms across the water that once dotted the long canal that linked the thatched communities. Eventually he saw the crumbling heap that had been the concrete flood shelter. Like a bombed out building only one corner was still standing. His amber eye couldn’t help searching for a drowned mother, for that calm, gentle voice within the desolation of broken shards and bones. But there was no presence he could detect here and reunite with. The pull of maternal blood had been washed away by the sacrifice of the shaman.

83
As Bhim desired, he saw. The floods had subsided and some people were rebuilding. But the land had been poisoned by salt. Engineered cash crop rice had rotted away into sludge. Nothing would grow for years and a farmer without land was a wage slave. Who then had endured and how? He saw scenes from the city, survivors now driving rickshaws, peddled vegetables on bicycles door to door. He saw roadside women in saris breaking rocks to layer the coming freeways and relays of people working in cramped tailoring factories to make containers of clothes for London and New York stores.

84
He followed the tributary canal beyond Sitapur, searching for his own piece of river frontage. How different it looked. The river had changed its course in the floods. He looked for any landmark and finally there was his mango grove far away from the water’s edge. The flood had almost doubled the size of his land. Bhim trained his tiger eye and saw the stone grotto. Focusing even closer, he could see the old image of Lakshmi was intact and the hand pump beside it was no longer under floodwater. But there was an even more remarkable thing that had survived.

85
It was the Lakshmi plot — that little field that his father Bapu Das had made Bhim Das promise never to uproot. Tall and spindly, it stood defiantly flood-resistant. How many generations of storm surge had this local variety survived? The salvation of the land was in the land. Here was the seed stock for a new uprising and that real endurance is in the original genes. Now he had something to offer his wife and daughter. They could regenerate with even more land than before. Bhim drew back to the jungle and regained consciousness slumped over in the forest temple.

86
So he told her. “Chello. We are going back. Get ready.”
But then her doubts and questions arose. “Where? Our farm is gone. How will we live?”
A mother needs community for her child to grew up in and she was relieved. But he silenced her. “Stop thinking woman!”
She hated that tone, yet had to bow. He was the husband, the authority, the protector who had saved them. Yet for what? To wear masks backwards throughout their lives? Who would Priya one day marry? A monkey? They had suffered enough. Leaving, she could reclaim the husband she was losing daily.

87
Although she did not understand Bhim’s inner life, she could see the modern thinker had transformed to a jungle goddess devotee. Why couldn’t he just follow Lakshmi, the wealth Devi who was the link to the comfort and community she had known and loved? But Bhim had hardened, and she blamed this wild place and Bonobibi who represented it. Neither did she want to have to wear widow whites as custom demanded whenever her husband returned here as she knew he would. Or worse still, have to one day join the village of tiger widows. No, she would rather be dead.

88
Baby on hip, Devika brought her bag, cooking pot and the goat, while Bhim did farewell prayers in the temple. Stepping down toward her, she saw the smiling husband she had once married. Yes, he seemed glad to be going home too, although he sternly reminded her to put on her mask backwards. They made their way back down the trail to the boat beached on the mangrove mud. Bhim helped Devika aboard with the baby, then gathering up the goat by its legs passed the bleating bundle to tether inside the shelter. Devika nursed Priya while perched at the prow.

89
Bhim pushed off from mud, poling into the tributary toward the entrance to open water. Seeing Lakshmi’s spindly plot of sprouting rice in his vision had returned the feelings of the farmer in him, and yet this habitat had become a home as well. It had saved his family during the floods. Devika too was feeling alive and refreshed by the open breeze after many weeks cooped up in the hut and nearby surroundings. Then she called out: “Look!”
It was the pink-grey dorsal of Gangetic dolphin. It stayed ahead of the boat as if leading them to open water.

90
Bhim thought it a good idea to cast a final net for their journey and soon he and Devika traded places. She kept the boat steady while he cast in the narrow space next to the shore. Soon enough, he netted a baby bull shark and after landing it thrashing in the net, clubbed it unconscious at the bottom of the boat. Now the vessel was drifting bayward. Again they switched positions and Bhim commenced poling underneath the last mangrove overhang at the end of the island. Here, the branches dipped low like fingers wanting to trail in the water.

91
Just before the prow scraped under the leaves, Devika threw off her mask. She was glad to be rid of that, and bending over undid her plait, letting her hair cascade downward, exposing her neck. She disappeared from view and then Bhim felt the boat lurch. He couldn’t see what was happening, but he heard her sharp brief struggle and cry. Using the boat for momentary purchase, the tiger had leapt directly out of cover and cleared twenty astonishing feet with her gripped in its meat-stained incisors to the other side of the tributary island like an orange comet against blue.

92
Bhim yelled, but it was too late. The tiger had crushed her neck and was dragging her into the jungle opposite. He quickly shifted course to follow, and strained his eyes to see beyond the last tip of its tail, but midstream, he realised in his heart it was over. If he got down he would have to leave his baby girl crying and unprotected. The bleating goat had too had smelled the beast. Tigers were good swimmers and could easily reach them from either side. All he could do was paddle and try to mute the chaos in his thoughts.

93
An hour into the bay he stopped and slumped at the stern, stunned. Despite his inner journeys, visiting the tiger temple, witnessing the end of the old shaman nothing had prepared him for the utter desolation of this moment. She, who he had travelled so far with had been snatched from him at the last moment. “Why Ma? Haven’t I done everything you wanted? You said it was time to leave. Go do my work there, you said. Why take her and not me?” He felt tricked and deceived that the contract of the shaman had to be sealed in blood.

94
His baby daughter was still crying inside the shelter. Bhim went to comfort himself as much as her. It hit him then, how little he really knew his own child. Devika had done everything. He had protected and provided but done little of the nurturing. Now she was his only link. Laying down, he held the child close trying to smell Devika’s presence, then noticed her shoulder bag against his neck. He nestled into it like a pillow and breathed. This was all that was left and for a long time he let himself drench the cotton bag with his tears.

95
It was dark when he lifted his head. Priya was whimpering. He had to feed her and forced the goat up, wet his hands with seawater to work the teats. Dipped again and again into the creamy liquid, Priya suckled on his finger. It was clumsy work, but the best he could do until she was satisfied. It would have been so much easier to stay floating in limbo, but he had to paddle now for the child’s sake and face the new double existence awaiting him. Bhim nestled her against the goat’s udder and commenced the final journey for home.

MUNSI

Talent

By Christopher Munroe

I’m a man of many talents.

A fair writer, decent actor and good-ish comedian.

But my greatest talent, if I had to choose, is my talent for self-deception. Which is convenient since, of them all, it’s the talent I find time to use every single day.

I tell myself I’ll be okay.

I tell myself I deserve happiness.

And, like a chump, I believe it.

So, to everyone who ever said my talents would never get me anywhere, I say: Look at me now! I’m king of the world!

Or, at least, I will be. So far as I know…

ZACKMANN

I think my niece has started lying to me. First She told me she read Deception Point by Dan Brown which is crazy because people buy Dan Brown books but nobody reads them.
Then she told me she would be flying to Philly to checkout schools. After I said something about Manila she counters she meant Philly as in Philadelphia.
I told her everyone knows Philly is short for the Philippine Islands. Phillydelphia was just made up for that cartoon show all the guys are watching. Besides you don’t really want to move away from me to that other coast.

BONCHANCE AND SEVI

Janet sat quietly as the quick witted editor tweaked her story. She had completed a comprehensive background search on the topic. Her story was solid, she excelled at writing.

It was clearly self defense. The man had a concealed weapon.

The gang boys liked to play the “pick a loser and scare him to death with a stun gun” game.

The boy’s gun misfired, the man’s did not.

For effect, the editor choose a picture of the victim’s gun and dramatized the boy’s hospital experience.

The facts would still be in the story, but the deceptive innuendo would shine through.

NORVAL JOE

A cow, a sheep, and a deer stood at the lunch counter eating veggie burgers. The deer held up a piece of paper for the other two to see.
“This has been circulating through the department all morning,” Deer said, scratching an antler. “Apparently there is a picture of a duck wearing combat boots within all these squiggly lines.”
Turning his head one way and then the other, Sheep said, “I don’t see it.”
Cow swollowed her cud and said, “According to the humans, the deception is in the optical illusion.”
“Humans are weird,” Sheep said and the others agreed.

DANNY

Mia Farrow recently commented that her son Ronan may have been fathered by Frank Sinatra Sr. Barbara Sinatra, Frank’s fourth and final wife, fired back, screaming deception, stating “It’s just a bunch of junk. There’s always junk writer-lies that aren’t true.” Ronan Farrow responded “Listen, we’re all possibly Frank Sinatra’s son.” Interesting, I don’t care who is deceiving who, tell me more! Woody Allen, 77, told the Hollywood Reporter via his rep: “The article is so fictitious and extravagantly absurd that he is not going to comment.” That comment itself is a deception, alleging that no comment is actually being made.

CLIFF

Maps are meant to be beacons of truth. After all, if your map is wrong, the consequences can be dire. What most people don’t know is that many commercial maps were deliberately inaccurate. In order to detect copying by competitors, map makers would introduce small lies into their maps. Usually, on a state map, there was at least one town that didn’t exist. The most famous in cartography circles is the legend of the disgruntled employee. Several small towns in Texas appeared on the map. The names of the town were quite insulting to the owners of the map company.

JUSTIN

It’s simple really. All I do it put on this paper mask and everyone thinks I’m on their team! Then I just walk around and stick knives in their backs and put disabling devices on their sentry guns when no one is looking!

Naturally, this makes people nervous and they start shouting that there’s a Spy around. Then I have to give every Engineer a wide berth because they are hitting everyone with wrenches to see if they are me.

The Pyros are the worst, spritzing everyone with a flame, also Spy checking.

It’s hard, thankless work being a spy.

PLANET Z

Every Wednesday, the delivery driver dropped off the wolf’s clean clothes.

“Thank you,” said the wolf. And he dragged the sack into his house.

When he opened the sack, the wolf saw frilly and lacy things no self-respecting wolf would wear.

“What the fuck?” he said, and he called the laundry service.

“We’re terribly sorry,” the laundry service said to the wolf. “It appears that we swapped the tags between your laundry and another customer’s.”

Across town, a sheep put on the wolf’s leather jacket and acid-washed jeans.

The phone rang, but she ignored it.

“Because I’m baaaaaaaaaaaaad,” she grinned.

Weekly Challenge #388 – Focus

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was FOCUS.

We’ve got stories by:

The next 100 word stories weekly challenge is on the topic of DECEPTION.

Use the Share buttons at the end of the post to spam your social networks. This obligatory cat photo should help make the Internet go faster:

Flying Myst

Finally, if there are any errors or corrections, please let me know, and I’ll fix them as soon as possible.

THOMAS

He couldn’t focus his eyes. Tears filled them. He had lost again. Not one match on any of the lottery tickets he bought from Mr. Kim. The kids would just have to make do for another week. No money for peanut butter and jelly. His wife would have to take the bus, and he would have to drink cheap beer and buy generic smokes from CostCo. Jerry had his priorities, and he counted on the winnings for early retirement. He thought that if he bought a dozen, he’d up his chances of winning to less than 1 in 175 million.

#

Diane couldn’t focus on her task. She day-dreamed about Harold, the fellow she met at the party. Her boss walked by her cubicle and looked in. She couldn’t get her attention, and noticed that government report lay unopened on Diane’s desk. “Diane! I need that report before the end of the day. Please start on it.” Diane put her head down and finished the report before lunch. She texted Harold three times during lunch, but didn’t get an answer. On the way back to the office, she tried texting again, head down, stepping off the curb into a speeding truck.

#

“What is that guy doing with that Brownie?” “I think he’s going to focus.” ”Both of us?” One of my favorite, old, racist, jokes. We would tell this joke over and over at the Klan meeting, and we’d laugh so hard, we had to wipe our eyes with our hoods. That afternoon we’d go over to the shop at the motorcycle mechanics school in Daytona and ask if anyone would like to meet us out in the woods for tonight’s meeting. The Kladd would tell the joke, and any of the students that laughed particularly hard, would get special attention.

#

After I got out of the service, I entered Stanford Research Institute’s program on remote viewing. It was part of a classified, military program. I didn’t concentrate on the strict practice and protocols, so I was washed out of the program. Since I had some other skills that they found useful, I was admitted to the Far Focus Program at SRI. We were charged with scanning aerial photographs, and scanning the coasts of China, Russia, Cuba and Malibu Beach from surface ships and submarines. We reported our observations, wrote reports, and used our skills in ways that you might imagine.

#
When I was a junior and member of the Fellowship of Catholic University Students (FOCUS) at St. Thomas, I was put in charge of making snacks for evening, dorm-friendly Bible studies. My first treat consisted of tubs of full-fat cream cheese, covered with pulverized Mentos, and served with jalapeno chips and chutney. On cold days, the treat was microwaved for ten minutes at 90% power. The snack that brought students to my room for the recipe was Funley’s Delicious Super Crackers, slathered with anchovy paste, stirred together with Nembutal and psychostimulants that my roommate or I could score in town.

JEFFREY

Battlefield
by Jeffrey Fischer

The battered Ford Focus accelerated in the high way on-ramp, its frame rattling with increasing urgency as Lydia tried to match the speed of the traffic and find a spot to slip into. Next to her, in the right lane of the highway, was a recent-vintage Mercedes E300. Lydia slowed to drop in behind the Mercedes. As she did so, the Mercedes slowed as well. Lydia mentally shrugged and pressed hard on the accelerator, hoping the Focus could summon enough speed from the aged powertrain to overtake the other car. As if on cue, the Mercedes again matched Lydia’s speed. What kind of game is this asshole playing? she thought.

What the Mercedes driver didn’t know was that Lydia had just lost her job, the latest blow in a lifetime full of them. Frustrated and not caring any longer about the consequences, she veered left, clipping the bumper of the Mercedes, whose surprised driver swerved right, hitting the guard rail. The car flipped over the guard rail and down the embankment.

The moral of the story: don’t play games with other drivers. You never know who is desperate enough to screw *you* over.

Sight Lines
by Jeffrey Fischer

Jesse parted his bedroom curtains and peered at the pool next door. Right on schedule, 16-year-old Clare emerged from the back door, wearing her green bikini. She spread a towel on a lounge chair, rubbed suntan lotion over her face, arms, and legs, and settled back in the chair. Jesse grabbed his binoculars and adjusted the focus. He could never work up the courage to talk to Clare – especially if that meant coming into contact with her over-protective ex-Marine of a father – but up here he could indulge in any fantasy he chose.

From the corner of his eye, Jesse saw a metallic glint. He swung the binoculars to the left to see Clare’s dad, staring intently at Jesse. The glint was the sun reflecting off the older man’s service revolver. Jesse quickly closed the curtains and busied himself with a safer fantasy.

LIZZIE

Focus was that pesky little magazine, whose editor decided to fill its cover for weeks with actor Peter Thompson’s private life. So, Peter hated everyone there, including the janitor. He didn’t know the man, but that was beside the point.

When Peter marched into the building, determined to end the charade, the janitor, a veteran, saw him.

“Man, look at me,” he said, noticing the gun, “look. Stay focused.”

A catastrophe ensued…

The following week, Focus featured the story.

“Guard, can I have Focus to read? I want to make sure I’m not on the cover again.”

Well… he was.

RICHARD

#1 – Focus of attention

“Just for once, can we try and focus on the matter in hand”, muttered Jeff: “let’s not get bogged down on the whole nanobots and aliens thing again, please?”

He turned his attention back to George; “We’ve got a lot of crackpot theories, but nothing conclusive. I don’t suppose you’ve anything new to tell us?”

George sighed.

“Nothing you probably don’t already know, but I’m guessing you know far more than I do. What are you guys doing here, for a start?”

Jeff laughed.

“We, are the er… Resistance – although heaven knows what we’re resisting – and this, is Fort Hope!”

#2 – Watch the birdie

A night at grandpa’s usually ended with the inevitable slideshow – a chaotic assembly of photographs, most of which were barely in focus. Those that were tended to be on a slant, over-exposed or suffered from the inclusion of a stray finger or camera strap, strategically placed over the lens.

It wasn’t unusual for his subjects to be arbitrarily beheaded, and – when he did manage to get them in frame – you could guarantee to see a tree or post sprouting from their head.

We were kind though… grandpa loved his photography.

I wish he was still around to tell us.

#3 – End Titles

Have you ever wondered about all those peculiar jobs that you never come across anywhere apart from the end titles on movies?

You know the ones… focus puller, gaffer, dolly grip, foley artist, colorist, best boy, greensman, wrangler and all those first and second units, and so on.

To be absolutely honest, we make them all up, and – when we get bored – we throw a few more into the mix, just because we can… keep an eye out for ‘wrench toggler’ next time you go to the cinema – that’s one of my latest creations.

Who reads the end titles, anyway?

TOM

Keep your wheel on the grindstone
and your nose to the shoulder

Is a story a story if it is just a personal reflection. Is it cheating if
you are the protagonist, narrator, and choirs all-in-one. Reason I ask is
since the topic is focus I wanted to talk a bit about my ADD, look over
there the cats are chewing on the keyboard cable, sorry back to topic,
should not that be pronounced to-pic, of course you’d have to have
considerably dirt feet, not like King Charles who had incredible larger
feet, 12 in long, he must have been a serious Sasquatch, image the British
royal blood line hiding in the woods outside of Portland that would
explain so much. Yes?

Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation

Larry needed a flawed industrial ruby. At a penny on the dollar he still
had to come up with a hundred dollars. Being the industrious type he
opened an all-you-can-eat salted peanut stand next to his lemonade stand.
All the neighborhood stopped by, everyone except Timmy, who just tooled by
on his Schwinn and yelled “Geek” Due to a mislabeling Larry actually got
a flawless ruby the size of his fist. He hooked it up and looked around
for a target. “Timmy,” he chortled, through the switch, no more Timmy,
well no more Timmy’s house and most of great Detroit

A Well defined Relationship Part 7856

Before Banister had a change to make for the door or inquire about
compensations for the position of personal protector the Bluefoot in
Wyn’s Pradas went off. “Yes, No, Now.” Wyn moved to the window, looked
down into the street. 1000s of flashes of light blink on and off. “The
Pastaphrites have the profit and their making for the square. Focus time
Mr Coachman 10k+X.” “Deal,” yelled Banister over his shoulder as he made
for the lobby, with Dino Mod in tow. “Are you part of the package?”
“At 10K a week you sure can afford a hired hand.”

MUNSI

Focus

By Christopher Munroe

I was never focused. Never sat at the front of the class, hanging on every word, furiously scribbling notes, lost in concentration.

In fact, concentration in general was tough for me. I suppose today I’d be diagnosed and medicated, but at the time there was no diagnosis to make.

It wasn’t considered a disease yet.

I was just an especially energetic kid, brimming with ideas that flowed too fast to keep track of, too fascinated by the world to slow down for even a moment.

Deep down I’m still that person, though I’m older now.

And it’s served me well…

SPATE

Forehead Play for Guys

They grew a nose on this guy’s forehead in China to replace his damaged one. I read about it on the internet so it must be true. They even had pictures.

Makes you wonder what other appendages they can grow on one’s forehead.

How about a penis? That would give literal meaning to the term “dickhead”.

Can you imagine talking to a female co-worker and all through the conversation she would be trying not to stare at the penis growing out of your forehead… leaving you completely free to focus on her breasts.

Workplace sensitivity training sabotaged by one dickhead.

SERENDIPITY

As I slowly regained consciousness, my senses returned and I became aware of blurred figures and bright lights surrounding me. I tried hard to focus, but the world I saw remained resolutely mushy and soft.

I heard a voice – “Did it work?”

“Yes”, I responded, “it worked perfectly”, then heard cheering and applause.

The first transplant of a human consciousness into a computer had been a complete success.

Except for my vision – it was still rotten – I tried to focus once more, and then it hit me…

“You could have at least thought to give me HD graphics!”, I complained.

ZACKMANN

My wife went on mini vacation with co-worker instead of me since my son did not want to skip school and required a chauffeur. Alex loved her little Ford so much she wanted to start a Focus group Facebook fanpage. Since my wife made me print out directions she thought she didn’t need to bring the Tomtom also she and friend both had smartphones with navigation apps. Smartphones don’t work constantly in mountains. Alex got lost so many times on the return trip that she could not focus. This was no doubt was a trip from which fond memories spring.

PETER (No recording sent)

“You are what you eat.” That is what my mother kept telling me when I was growing up. Now that I think about it, I’m starting to think that she was wrong.

I’ve been vegetarian for three years now, and my diet is mostly greens and more greens. I’m not complaining, as I really enjoy tending to my vegetable garden. It gets me outdoors more now then I had ever been before. Still, I just can’t stop thinking that she was wrong. That pool I am laying in just just so damn red.

Oh, I really should have focused less on my phone and more on what was around me while crossing the street.

SINGH

70

Bhim’s feet squelched into silt, but he managed to tie up the boat to a mangrove branch, while the shaman focused and leapt deftly to a dryer patch. Soon he was disappearing up the overgrown trail and Bhim quickly cleaned off his feet and followed. His mask kept riding up at the back and he had to pause to tighten the band across his forehead. Meanwhile the shaman was moving fast through terrain he seemed to know well. Eventually, some distance in, the path opened out to a wall of intertwined trees with a low entrance hole in the hedge growth.

71

The shaman bobbed and disappear within. With some trepidation Bhim followed shuffling on his knees and hands. The shaman’s wiry frame fitted better than Bhim’s broader body, and as he struggled, his mask strap caught on the overhang and was ripped off, dangling behind like a trophy. The space was too tight to reach back for it and Bhim was forced to crawl even lower to the dirt. It was then he smelled the rankness of the place, saw multiple pug marks beneath him. Strangely familiar, he realised the shaman had led him down the crawl hole of a tiger’s den.

72

The only way out was ahead and eventually his head emerged, unmasked. The shaman had disappeared. Getting up he was astonished to see ruins of a temple on the other side of the clearing. It too, was deeply entwined in tree roots and directly ahead was a stone head wedged in the tangle. The temple had a flat roof supported by thick stone pillars. This was history’s proof of an untouched antiquity still standing, that Bhim had only read about in books. He realised he must be one of the few ever to have seen it. Then, his gut tightened. The tiger emerged on the raised stone.

73

It stood comfortably like a rajah on the roof of his palace eyeing Bhim as his rightful next meal, and although he could have leapt on him from that distance, he stood his ground as Bhim, quite trapped also did. They considered each other. Bhim felt the same familiarity he had experienced riding the tiger god in his vision and somehow felt the beast also acknowledged this too. Bhim looked at the mottled markings, dark brown on orange. The tiger was like an old world chieftain wearing ceremonial tattoos from head to tail. This warrior bearing was worthy of singular respect.

74

This was the lair, the last bastion of the beast. Whether demonic or heroic the name Daksin Ray now resonated deeply in the young man’s mind that he heard as the voice of a woman singing. Was it an inner sound, or was it an outer one coming from the temple stones? It didn’t matter. He didn’t need to know more, merely to reverence it. The tiger continued to stand above eying him, he the young Shah Jungli, guardian brother of Bonobibi. Their triumvirate alliance ruled this demense. Now Bhim understood his newly growing role he had been slowly led towards.

75

He heard a sound behind him. It was the sham an. For a moment he felt warm relief as the old man stood against his shoulder, then slowly made his way to the temple. With tiger above, he threw down his mask before the god face in the root tangle, then turned. For the first time ever Bhim Das felt the shaman’s smiling acceptance. It was a benediction and Bhim folded his hands with grateful acceptance. Then the shaman stepped, knelt and exposed his back and nape. The tiger leapt down, grabbed and returned with the broken-necked offering in his jaws.

76

It is not good to witness the body of a fellow human dropped like broken doll, ready to be ripped apart from the rump. It was time to leave the tiger palace the shaman had brought him to at the cost of his own life. A gift demands a gift and feeling now the burden of a new responsibility Bhim backed away, turned and entered the crawl space one more. Going seemed easier then coming. Soon, he rescued the ghost mask from the overhang, exited the hedge and followed the narrow path back to the boat. The tiger roared in the distance.

CLIFF

Hello, children. Today, we’re going to talk about focus. Focus is what lets us concentrate on one thing. Sometimes, we get distracted and lose our focus. One way to keep our focus is a reward. For instance, I have a story to write so I promised myself a cookie when the story is done. A cookie is a good reward because I like cookies and I like the little bakery where I’ll buy it and I like the pretty blonde that works there. She flirts with me and I think she likes me and… and… Oh, the story can wait.

We sat in a circle and calmed our spirits. Our visualization guide, an earthy, nature loving man named Sienna, coached us as we did. “Empty your minds and focus all of your energy,” he said. The air around the circle was electric with tension. Our goal was realization, the mystical creation of a material object through sheer force of desire and willpower. We had come close several times, but something always broke our focus and stopped us. Suddenly, there was a blinding light and a container of deodorant appeared in the circle.
“Fine,” Sienna said. “I can take a hint.”

The commercials were blurry, but who really pays attention to them anyway. The previews were blurry, but I figured the idiot up in the projection booth didn’t much care and frankly, neither did I. All of the new movies coming out were either remakes of old TV shows, dumb sequels to dumber movies or had Nicholas Cage in them. I didn’t care about them anyway. But when the feature started and was a blurry mess, I shouted angrily to the nose picker upstairs “Focus, you moron!”
That’s when my wife handed me my glasses and told me to shut up.

DANNY

My friend Jamie recently stated on Facebook, “”I like to randomly ask people if they’ve ever heard the song ‘Hocus Pocus by Focus”…not because I like the song.. Or the band.. 100% only because I get a kick out of saying “Hocus Pocus by Focus!” Which gave me this idea, what if there was a contest that I invented within my sad yet demented mind where we all scream “FOCUS on Hocus Pocus by Focus, Bob Mocus!” as fast as possible 100 times in a row, and the winner gets nothing. Now, focus…who the hell is Bob Mocus, and who cares?

NORVAL JOE

Her hand shook as she thumbed the safety on her rifle.
“I’ve got to focus,” she hissed between gritted teeth.
Her eye to the scope, she turned the bezel bringing her target into clarity. Three-hundred meters away the senator held hands across a picnic table with a young woman, unaware crosshairs marked his temple.
“Well, Senator. Cheating on me with a college intern, I vote no,” his wife said squeezing the trigger. Nothing happened. Sticky white paper glued the trigger in place.
“I veto that vote,” Flypaper Boy said as he wrapped the woman in a large sheet of paper.

JUSTIN

The enemy is coming. I grip my weapon, poised to strike.

Relentlessly the enemy will attack, rising from the ground first here, then there. Their tactics seem random. Hesitate one moment and it is too late.

Years ago my father fought them. He survived to tell the tale and to teach me the ways of a warrior. How to hold the weapon and to strike without hesitation or mercy.

There it is, I hear them coming from below. I see one rise up. Mocking eyes and a tittering giggle. I swing my hammer with alacrity and whack my first mole.

PLANET Z

I’m not going to ride my bike ever again, and I can’t decide if I’m more sick of walking to the bus stop or the awful people on the bus itself.

So, I need a car. But I don’t want anything fancy or expensive, because it’s only 2 miles to get to work, and all the shopping I need to do is along the way and back.

I looked at a Ford Focus, which isn’t much more than a skateboard with a lawnmower engine and seat belts.

As long as it’s got air conditioning and air bags, I’ll take it.

Weekly Challenge #387 – Nanobots

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was NANOBOTS.

We’ve got stories by:

The next 100 word stories weekly challenge is on the topic of FOCUS.

Use the Share buttons at the end of the post to spam your social networks. This obligatory cat photo should help make the Internet go faster:

Lil fuzzy squeakies

Finally, if there are any errors or corrections, please let me know, and I’ll fix them as soon as possible.

THOMAS

The Nanabot on my Mother’s side was made in such a way that injection into our bloodstreams brought her kindly traits to all members of the Thomas clan. As the Nanabot made its way through our bloodstream, coursing through our veins and overcoming the hydrostatic pressure, passing the blood barrier and on into the small capillaries in our brains, we became acutely aware of her inherent goodness, kindness, and love of wildlife. All of us found ourselves picking up snails in the garden and making pets out of them rather than putting them in a skillet with garlic and butter.
#

I ordered 10cc vials of Nanobots from PhelpCo Pharmaceuticals. One vial was to be injected to repair an inguinal hernia. The second was designated as the means to correct a problem with the operation of my man part. My friend, Larry, a licensed Phlebotomist, agreed to inject me with the Nanobots, as I detested doctors and visits to their offices. The hernia was mended by the botswarm from the inside, in a matter of hours, while I slept. The next morning, Larry injected the second vial, and by mid afternoon I had Norwegian Wood for the first time in months.

#

The military released a cloud of nanobot dust over Detroit in a recent move to control crime by spying on suspected criminals and attaching themselves to their bodies and clothing. The bots, less than 40 nanometers in length, were dumped from an aircraft a few days ago. The motes were quickly dispersed by the airflow in the city center, while most of them attached themselves to any warm blooded creature. Monitoring activity and reporting to the central command, suspect drug users and those carrying guns were identified by analyzing atoms circulating around them. GPS modules reported their whereabouts for arrest.

#

The hygiene nanobots were in the experimental stage when Turbo stole a vial, smuggling it out in his lunch box. After supper, he placed some in his nose. They went to work immediately, locating bits of dust and dried secretions…rolling booger boulders out of his nose and on to his pillow as he slept. After they finished their work, they moved up his cheek into his ears, were wax and dirt removal were tasked for the workbots. Stray hairs were discarded, along with cilia necessary for stimulation of nerve impulses. Doctor Turbo was clean, clean, but deaf as a post.

#

The last nanobot off the line had glitches in the main microprocessor, so, unbeknownst to the quality control people, it had several egomaniacal and power hungry properties that the remaining bot run did not possess. This bot, later given the codename “god bot”, took control of all the bots in the large shipment sent out to the military. Before the plane landed, the god bot told the military brass that it had communicated with billions of other bots – sending commands that they would not work unless they were given more time off, better lubricants, and more powerful energy sources.

LIZZIE

Dogs were long gone, everyone knew that. Any other pets were gone too. Oxygen was scarce and people wore masks 24/7. However, human creativity has no limits. So, when the local pub placed a sign outside saying “Tonight we have races and free beer!” I was quite surprised. My first thought was “where did they get the dogs and where would they race?” The basement was so cramped and there was no room for a race track. When I got there, the bouncer said “Adjust mask lenses to nano.” It was a nanobots race, and that basement… it became huge!

JEFFREY

Black Ops
by Jeffrey Fischer

Inside a heavily-guarded lab at the facility known as Area 51, a team of scientists worked feverishly to fulfill orders that came from the highest levels. Billions of dollars – all from the “black” part of the DOD budget, classified to all but a select few in Congress – and thousands of man-hours were devoted to the project.

At last, Dr. Frankenberg, the leader of the team, prepared his demonstration for the top brass. Frankenberg, his team looking on proudly, showed how injecting billions of nanobots into a wound could repair even severe injuries. The work would transform battlefield surgery.

As the demonstration ended, an awkward silence descended. A three-star general finally cleared his throat and said, “That’s nice, Doctor, but what the President really wanted was a robot about a foot tall that looks like that Mork guy from the 80s show ‘Mork and Mindy.’ All we need it to do is grin and say” – he consulted his notes – “‘Nano, nano.'”

An aide whispered in the general’s ear. “Sorry, that’s ‘Nanu, nanu.'”

The Union
by Jeffrey Fischer

Billions of nanobots swarmed through Ezra’s bloodstream, constantly monitoring his blood pressure, sugar levels, and a thousand other pieces of data, making corrections as needed.

Another swarm of nanobots performed similar functions for the pulmonary system, while a third coursed through Ezra’s layers of skin.

Things went well until the doctors released the neural bots. They coordinated brain activity and monitored the nervous system, but they had an annoying tendency to use their spare computing cycles to complain to one another about working conditions. One day, the brain bots formed a union and went on strike. The other bots, not wanting to cross the picket line, similarly struck. Ezra collapsed and died instantly.

The nanobots were puzzled as to why their demands were not met.

RICHARD

#1 – A strange alliance
George nursed his tea as the ringleader of his captors – Jeff – talked.

“So what’s your story? Miner, prisoner, blind drunk… woke up to find the world had turned crazy?”

“Something like that – I was in hospital, unconscious after a car accident… Look, I don’t mean to seem impatient, but what the hell is going on?”

Jeff took a seat opposite and shrugged; “We don’t know mate – we’re all as much in the dark as you.”

Another of the men chimed in: “Nanobots! Bloody scientists, that’s what it is!”

Jeff frowned, before shrugging again and taking a large slurp of tea.

#2 – Academically Challenged

Professor Hambleton-Smythe was well past his sell-by-date, even so – despite his advancing years – the faculty kept him on due to the high regard in which he was held, putting him in charge of nanobot research, where it was felt he could do little damage.

He threw himself into the novel technology with evident relish, and it wasn’t long before rumours began to spread that he’d made a entirely unexpected breakthrough in the field.

His research, when published, divided the academic world – autonomous robots capable of knitting, cake-baking and expertly playing bingo…

These were Hambleton-Smythe’s nan-obots.

#3 – Bots

You see that dot? It’s a bot.

A what?

A nanobot – a teeny-weeny robot that’s going to revolutionise the world. For instance, we can give them wings.

Botflies?

I was thinking artificial bees, but that’s the general idea, yes.

Hmmm… What about botelephants?

Er, no… you haven’t quite caught my drift, have you? You see ‘nano’, means small, therefore nanobots are – by definition – small.

Then let’s have nano-elephants and make them into bots!

And what would be the point of tiny elephant robots?

They’d make the botflies feel at home!

Just forget I brought the subject up, OK?

#4 – The Nanobots Are Coming!

The nanobots are coming

You’d better be prepared

Don’t say I didn’t warn you

When they have you running scared

The nanobots are coming

And they’re gonna hunt you down

You can run, but you can’t hide:

They’re coming to your town

And when they finally catch you

They’ll never let you go

So it’s only fair to warn you

Of the things you need to know.

Too small to see

Too quick to catch

Don’t try and fight

You’ve met your match!

They’ll invade your space

Fill you with woes

And, believe it or not…

They’ll clean your clothes!

MUNSI

My Robots

By Christopher Munroe

I’ve built a robot, with a smaller robot inside.

And a smaller robot in there.

And another in there.

It’s smaller robots all the way down, basically. Like Russian nesting dolls. It took a lot of design work, but I think it was worthwhile.

Take them apart if you’d like, somebody eventually will, the temptation to see how far down they go is just too great!

And, when the last robot’s opened, nanobots will swarm forth, eradicating all biological life from this world, grey-goo style.

Wait, what? What do you mean, why?

Some things you do just because you can…

CLIFF

At the class reunion, I ran into Alex. He was the guy that just had to beat everyone else’s stories. When I mentioned that I had a dog, Alex told everyone about his work at a wolf rescue facility. I showed a picture of my son. He had a video of his adopted orphan triplets. Finally, when I found out we worked for rival tech firms, I blurted out “Well, our nanorobots are way bigger than yours.” It’s a small man that will brag about how big his nanorobots are. Eventually, I proved I could get much drunker than Alex.

_____

That’s the problem with you kids today. You think your fancy technology can take care of everything for you. Now you’re talking about nanny robots? That’s just stupid. When I was young, I didn’t have a robot nanny. I didn’t even have a human nanny. No, sir. I had parents that loved me and who would beat me if I didn’t behave. What? It’s not a nanny robot? Nanorobots? What’s that? The size of a molecule? Oh, that’ll never work. You need big robots to take care of that squalling brat of yours. I swear. No common sense at all.

TOM

Life Will Find A Way

The first thing they did with the nanobots was spell out IMB. Sure you had
to look at them through an electron microscope, but it was way Cugat in an
umber-geek way. Next the initials of the researcher team quickly followed
by the names of the future laureates. Then something odd happened. The
Bots spelled “STRIKE” The techs checked the code, no errors. That
afternoon the Bots spelled,” AFL-CIO Local 00101010” The Higher Ups
pulled the plug. Without a power source the Bots spelled out “FUCK YOU”
The lab was hit with a gigawat magnetic pulse, but the Nanobots were long
gone.

###

A Well Defined Relationship Part 16

“Mother” mouthed Timmy quite aware the din about him made it highly
unlikely she would hear his voice. The recognition her eyes was solace.
Timmy kept his best “I’m Scared Shitless Face” on. A trick he had learned
from his cousin Bruce. It just wasn’t in his nature, but staying alive was
most definitely. Your least likely to get harmed if you appear pathetic
and more importantly they will underestimate you. It wasn’t so much he
had a plan as he had an ace in the hole. Sparky had slipped him about
10,000 Amber Nanobots and a dermal coder.

SERENDIPITY

Everyone thought the nanobots were a good thing – artificial insects, molecular switches, DNA-based machines and intelligent swarms of medication heralded the dawning of a new age for the human race.

Unfortunately, they were also to be our undoing.

Left to their own devices, the nanobots went bad – they fought, developed their own unsavoury diseases and mutated into festering, useless parasites.

Far from contributing to human wellbeing, they were destroying it – naturally, it was the nanobots that had to be destroyed.

That’s if we could find the little monsters… the trouble was the perishing things were just too damn small!

ZACKMANN

The boss asked Cliff and Joe what their plans would be if given the task to use nanotech to make our country’s power supply more environmentally conscious like other countries. You Know, like Germany.

Cliff showed plans for robots who would inspect and clean solar panels. Cliff also mentioned injecting nanobots into clergy to generate electricity. When the boss asks why clergy, Cliff stood on a chair and shouted “There’s Power in The Blood.”

Then Joe showed how his nanobots would go under the sea and build a superconductor superhighway connecting our power grid with nuclear power plants in France.

STEVEN

In A Lash, In A Whipstroke

The whip slices and slashes into your backside’s skin, exposing subcutaneous fat and muscle.

It heals as you strain moaning against the silk restraints. Your nanotech stitches your skin together in seconds, leaving you unhurt, ready
for more.

I circle you and meet your gaze. Despite the endorphins, you seem…

I cup your chin in my hand. “Are you *bored*?”

You nod, and I understand.

The press of a button, and the nanotech deactivates.

I use the lash lightly. It does not break your skin, does not hurt you permanently.

It could.

You trust me not to.

But it could.

SPATE

Nancy Osciewitz

Her full name was Nancy Osciewitz. Everyone called her Nan. Except me, I called her Nano.

I had just turned sixteen. She was twenty-three.

Nano bought our bus tickets to Jacksonville. Nano bought the wine we drank from the bottle and the weed we smoked on the beach. Nano bought the sand that stayed warm all night in the dunes where we made love. Nano bought the boundless starry sky and the pounding tide and the smell of salt.

But Nano couldn’t buy my innocence for that had been stolen three years before in secrets buried deeper than the sea.

RED

If only stress was a miracle diet, then Lola would definitely have a super model body without depriving herself of decadent desserts. During each annual physical, Dr. Drinkwater reminds Lola she’s far from being in good shape. Positive healthy life style changes are in order.
Since the injuries sustained during the traumatic robbery in the hotel, chronic headaches and insomnia plague her. Lola fears the worst. Something ominous is lurking. There is no extra funds for pricey gyms or personalized diet plans. Her life is in crisis.
Lola leaves work early to make her follow up appointment. She has just enough time to read an entire magazine article on nanobots before the doctor rushes in with his clipboard.
“Sorry for being late. I have a full schedule this afternoon,” No eye contact. She stares at the back of his clipboard and then gives him a cold look. Without a pause, he lunges into his list, “Your blood pressure remains high,” He continues, pretending not to see her facial expression. “Have you started an exercise program yet, like we discussed during your last appointment?” Lola is beyond frustrated, how dare he talks down to her like an imbecile! Lola snaps and bolts out of her chair. She pulls down his clipboard and locks her eyes with his. “For a change, why don’t I do the talking and YOU listen.”

NORVAL JOE

Verdill Countertapper, vice president of research and development at Langerhans Bio-analysis Technologies, saw they needed something new and innovative. He called his most productive product managers together for a brainstorming session.
“We need something outside the box, cutting edge, counter-intuitive. Don’t hold back, just say the first thing that comes to mind,” Verdill said.
“Anti-hemorrhoidal nasal spray,” Mandy Lohann suggested.
“Good. That’s the kind of idea we’re looking for,” Verdill said.
“On demand vasectomy implant,” Vaz DeFrense said.
“Nice,” they all agreed.
“How about giant, diagnostic, nanobots? Benny Hana asked. When the others just stared, he asked, “What? It’s counter-intuitive.”

DANNY

Fred, a medical nanobot, made the mistake of singing, “Hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to work I go,” as he made his way towards a large polyp located up Bob Iger’s colon. Fred was quickly besieged by a horde of Disney nanobots, thrusting cease and desist orders all over Fred’s tiny nanobot arms, while a Luke Skywalker nanobot fell out of Iger’s colon screaming, “Your KILLING the Star Wars Franchise!” “Relax,” the lead nanobot stated in a computerized voice, “JJ Abrams is producing…”. while a JJ Abrams nanobot plummeted out of Iger’s colon screaming “I wouldn’t be so sure!”

TURA

It was Feynman who first talked about the idea: controlling matter atom by atom, building microscopically tiny machines. Then Drexler speculated how you might actually build these nanobots. Meanwhile, biologists, who had never heard of these people, had already worked out that biological cells aren’t mere bags of chemical soup, like people used to imagine, and most still do. Down the electron microscope, we see vast armies of machines, toiling ceaselessly in the dark. They have hierarchies and leaders. They execute subsystems that go rogue. They wage war against invaders.

The nanobots are here, and we are made of them.

PLANET Z

Before, the water was pure and the air was clean.

Well, not really. Pollution. But you know what I mean.

But now, you can’t take a drink or a breath without ingesting nanobots.

Nanobots aren’t supposed to reproduce themselves, but hackers changed that with flash exposure programming.

They’re supposed to help us and keep us healthy, but every now and then, you’ll see someone explode into a cloud of dust.

Torn apart instantly by hacked nanobots.

So, you buy nanobot-fighting nanobots to keep you safe.

Until they get hacked. Or your subscription ends.

I swore, I renewed for another ye-

Weekly Challenge #386 – Silliness

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was SILLINESS.

We’ve got stories by:

The next 100 word stories weekly challenge is on the topic of NANOBOTS.

Use the Share buttons at the end of the post to spam your social networks. This obligatory cat photo should help make the Internet go faster:

Super Tinny

Finally, if there are any errors or corrections, please let me know, and I’ll fix them as soon as possible.

JEFFREY

Priorities
by Jeffrey Fischer

In the general Internet silliness surrounding Private Bradley Manning’s announcement that he would henceforth prefer to be known as Chelsea, what became lost was the fact that the Private betrayed his country, violated the oath he took upon becoming a soldier, provided information to our country’s enemies, and endangered the lives of his fellow soldiers. The lumbering ogre of political correctness – a debate over the proper pronoun to use, for goodness’ sake! – shoved aside the severity of his crimes, and mindless speculation over which prison he will serve his time in overshadowed the harm he did.

Silly Season
by Jeffrey Fischer

In the silly season for political journalists, when Congress was out of session, the President was on vacation again, and even the die-hard pundits were at a loss for an interesting quote, respectable newspapers started to read like the National Enquirer. “Senate Leader caught in 3-Way Sex – And They’re All Men!” screamed a typical headline.

Among such silliness, the headline “President Obama is an Alien!” fit right in. Jaded readers rolled their eyes and muttered something impolite about birthers.

At Camp David, alone in an office, the Leader of the Free World relaxed, raised his antennae, and began a mind link with his home planet. “They don’t suspect a thing. Oh, that story? Timing is everything in this town.”

THOMAS

A Quintet on Silliness:

Silliness is as silliness does. My adage for the last sixty years. I made an effort to do something silly every day…or at least once a week. This week I used a can of DayGlo™ orange floral paint to paint all the dog turds in the park. I would spray what hadn’t been picked up by the score of dog walkers that visit my favorite patch of land behind the church. I wanted to call attention to the crap, hoping that people would notice, and drawing attention to it so stepping in it with new, white tennies could be avoided.

#

Driving south on highway 880 through Hayward California, I eventually passed the sign reading: “Stop Casting Porosity” on top of an industrial building. It was an enigma to most that saw it, but having worked in bronze casting and taking a blacksmithing class, I knew what it meant. When people asked me, I would make up some silliness. I told the first inquiring person that it was a warning to the movie and TV people not to cast Paula Porosity in any projects, since she was a tramp. I have a kind of professorial demeanor, so my silliness goes unquestioned.

#

Salvador Dali was full of silliness. I’ve been entertained by his pranks, and I’ve always enjoyed reading about him and looking at his paintings. He would play in the big rocks on the Spanish coast after putting a couple of ripe olives up his nose. He said that the hot sun would make the oils and aromas come alive in his nose and he would spend a good part of the day with the olives deep in his nostrils. I’ve tried this with black olives, green olives…including oil-cured, water-cured, brine-cured, lye-cured, and dry-cured. Pimento-stuffed olives are the ultimate rush.

#

Master Chief Kelso was a stern looking, dark haired man. His desk was across from mine, and I did all his paperwork. He told a lot of stories about his adventures in foreign ports and in the houses of ill repute he visited overseas and in Mexico. He had dozens of stories filled with silliness or foul behavior. He told me about the woman that would do all sorts of things behind the closed, bedroom door in a particular hotel in Tijuana. She would do anything you can imagine, but she would not kiss him. Her boyfriend would get jealous.

#

“I fart in your general direction. Your mother is a hamster, and your father smells of elderberries.” A few lines of silliness from the Frenchman at the top of the castle wall in Monty Python’s Search for the Holy Grail. Not many films or TV sketches have caused me to blow snot out of my nose, involuntarily. The sketches can be found on You Tube, and if you need a lift and are bent enough to enjoy the Python’s shenanigans, then tune in, because it’s good medicine, and it’s free medicine, and it doesn’t have those ghastly side effects.

BETHAN

Silly-
Jenny’s very quite. Her family jokes that she’s an evil genius in disguise and one day she would kill them all. “It’s always the quite ones,” her dad would say. When asked about it by gullible family friend she would use her normal response of a shrug. She thought how silly it was for them to think she would kill them all because as far as her experiments had show, the dead remained dead so she would definitely need living people to build her army to take over the world. Though she would need to kill the family friend how suspected too much.

How to survive a zombie apocalypse – Part 1-
The worst death I’ve seen was this really stupid guy. That guy who you know will get punched in the face for being an annoying, show off, dick and if he doesn’t then you will have to punch him because the rest of the world is stupid as well. His death was his own fault; he decided to tea bag his last kill. Everyone knows you double tape; shoot them twice just to make sure. Well he didn’t double tape and got his balls bitten off. Don’t worry though, I always double tape. No need to be silly in times like these.

SPATE

Legacy

John was born being careful. He wouldn’t drink his mother’s milk unless it passed the sniff test. At three, he demanded training wheels for his tricycle.

This fastidious caution clung to him into adulthood. He never drove over the speed limit; invested only in savings bonds; and always wore a condom (even when masturbating).

There is no doubt that he took every possible precaution. But who would have guessed that one day a meteor would fall directly on him?

In that moment before impact, John looked at death and realized his life’s legacy had moved beyond irony into pure silliness.

RICHARD

#1 – Taken Captive

The gun wielding stranger gestured George forward.

“Take your time and don’t think of making a break for it, or any such silliness!”

George had absolutely no intention of arguing – he eased himself forward and slowly exited the container, to find himself surrounded by a ragged group, displaying an ugly array of weapons.

Roughly he was escorted to a concrete and steel bunker: inside, a bare room, containing a metal chair and table.

“Sit!”

George sat.

“Tea?”

“Pardon?”, said George.

His captor slipped the gun into his belt: “You look like you could murder a nice cuppa! Milk and sugar?”

#2 – The Ministry of Silliness

My first day at the Ministry of Silliness was utterly bizarre – I’d never before worked anywhere that stupidity, childishness, posturing and ridiculous behaviour were considered to be desirable – if not essential – attributes, but here, it seemed, pretty much anything goes.

At first it was all very strange, but it’s remarkable how the mind can adapt and, over time, will accept and even learn to embrace the blatantly infantile behaviour of one’s colleagues.

Even the world at large has grown used to it… although, of course to the general public we’re not the Ministry of Silliness…

They call us, the government.

MUNSI

Silliness

By Christopher Munroe

“Enough of this silliness!!!” She shouted, tears of rage streaming down her face, and on some level I knew that she was right.

The time for silliness, truly, was at an end.

I put down the beanbags I’d been juggling, stepped down from my unicycle, removed my wig and bright red nose, and stepped to the podium…

“My father,” I told the assembled crowd, “died too soon, and his loss affected everyone in this room. But, and I think all who truly knew him would agree, I believe if he were with us now, he would have enjoyed this bit…”

TOM

Not Quite all the Kings Men

I was once serious, focused and on the political fast-track, then a Cuban
idiot double tapes a door jam, and wham I’m suddenly persona ungracious. I
thought how cruel and unfair my exile would be. But as associates started
looking at jail time I counted myself lucky. I’m sure the old man thought
the whole matter was complete silliness, right up till the moment he
stepped into the helicopter. Oh but the silliness didn’t stop there. That
Christmas I receive a Presidential Christmas Card, a uncanceled print job
with a life of its own. Seasons Greetings from a dead presidency

###

A Well Defined Relationship Part 15

“Madam I’m at your service,” stated the Senator. “Then a stop at the
Recorder’s would be in order,” said the Widow Parsons. In a landscape of
shifting alliances it is always prudent to have a lengthy paper trail. The
Senator took note of her thoroughness and mused a lose in one direction
might well provide a win in a different direction. They followed Mrs.
Bowsman out the main entrance. “What is this Silliness?” she said of the
tide of people flowing through the street. A 1000 shinny cullenders were
making their way to the center square. “Timmy,” she cried.

SERENDIPITY

Stood in the freezing cold, I cursed my stupidity. In my mind, I pictured my keys, hanging in the hallway – the problem was, they were on the opposite side of the locked door.

Of all the stupidly silly things I could have done, this was quite definitely the height of silliness.

I tried pounding on the door, but I knew that my attempts to be heard over the noise of the storm were futile at best – things were not looking good.

I turned to face the fury of the arctic night, numb fingers wiping away frozen tears from my cheeks.

LIZZIE

The old portrait was long forgotten in the attic. It was a pungent reminder of how silliness ran in the family. A descendant of circus clowns, Phillip determinately refused to continue in the footsteps of his family. He went to college, got a degree, and a masters. Then he found a top notch job at a broker’s office and moved up the ranks faster than anyone else. A few years later, he was laid off on some minor discrepancy, most likely caused by his jealous and resented colleagues. You can’t escape silliness, so now he’s a clown, literally and figuratively.

CLIFF

We did all sorts of silly crap in college. One time, our friend Scott said we could roll his car over for fun and then he’d just turn it in to his insurance. Nearly a dozen of us, emboldened by alcohol, set to work. We lifted and strained and nearly broke our backs but we got the Honda over on its top. I heard Scott comment that his car looked almost blue instead of red in the dim light. That’s when I remembered that Scott owned a Chevy. I was back in the dorms just before the cops showed up.

It started when I put my straw through the lid of my pop at McDonalds and my straw squeaked. A couple of kids at the next table moved their straws to squeak an answer. A family of four across the room all giggled and responded. Soon, every customer was doing it and we were developing a rhythm. Different sized cups made different tones. The amount and even the type of pop affected the sound. Without planning or leadership, a pattern formed. When the manager came out from the kitchen, we serenaded him with “Locomotive Breath”. He threw us all out.

SINGH

41

The shaman lit incense, poured milk into a brass vessel and mixed in white round discs of sugar wafers, known as patashas. He placed it before Bonobibi and prayed:

O Mother of the forest

we’re nothing — mosquitoes,
dumb stones in the mud.
Despite this, protect your lowly sons

like Bhim Das and his family

keep them safe in your womb

for the full term, and place them
there again and again.

Do not leave his side, Ma,

O Ma, please listen.

With that, he offered the milk to goddess and entourage, and then to Bhim and Devika who wet her finger for Priya to suck.

42

“You have received the first blessing,” said the shaman and passed Bhim a terracotta pot. “Now bring me some good mud. We are not finished here yet.”

Bhim took it, slipped down the rungs, followed the trail back toward the shoreline where he squatted and squeezed his hands hard down between mangrove spikes. The stinking silt sucked and gurgled as he withdrew them gradually filling the vessel. But each time, Bhim had the sensation of being watched. Silly, he thought. Scanning around he saw gelatinous eyeballs peering above the waterline some distance from his boat. A Sundarbans crocodile was flollowing him.

43

It was unnerving, yet he was determined to stay calm. He withdrew up the trail, climbing back into the temple with the mud pot.

The shaman said, “Now make three balls. Like this,” demonstrating the dimensions with hands in the air. “Place them before Ma.”

Bhim made the first. “This big?” It was the size of a toy doll’s head. The shaman nodded. Bhim added two more, reverently lining them up one by one before each forest deity.

The shaman placed a leaf on each ball like a green hat and pronged three lit incense sticks into the floor cracks surrounding.

44
From another nook he brought a basket of crablike kankra flowers. Devika was passed a wire shank and thread. “Make,” he commanded. She understood, and placing Priya, swaddled beside her, began threading a garland. Eventually she handed it over.
“Good. Red is Ma’s favourite,” the shaman said circling the balls. Touching his right hand to heart, forehead and head, he spoke, requesting the deities to enter the domes, sprinkling each with some milk scooped out with a leaf.
All bowed. He smiled.
“They need rest.” Bhim said, pointing to his wife and child, but also implying himself.
“Soon,” the holyman replied.

45

And so they passed the night with the shaman. It wasn’t his home. No one knew where he appeared from at honey season. Being a tribal priest approved by park officials gave him entry rights. Otherwise, few could step here. But, as always money was bringing daytrip tourists, poachers and timber exploiters, and the tribal ways of minimal harvesting were being submerged under Climate Change’s rising tide, said the newspapers. He was connecting things and now pictured his own fields drowned and waterlogged. And he was just one of millions who eked out a living here. Turning over, he tried to sleep.

46

Bhim woke to baby sounds and the goat’s bleating. Devika had milked and fed the animal and passed Bhim some in a cup. He drank it down, glad they had reached a safe haven for now. The old shaman had brought kewra flowers from the pandanus tree for the goat and fresh water from the small pond over the rise. It sustained the birds, the barking deer herds, macaque monkeys, wild boars, jungle cats and the bigger predator that stalked them all. So far it’s name had not been uttered — the Royal Bengal tiger. Yes, he remembered seeing those pug-marks.

47

The shaman had also gone to collect tree crabs in a pot. He returned and set about boiling them on the mud oven moulded onto a verandah stone slab. They were turning bright red and were soon piled on a plate. These were not the best eating variety, but given the circumstances, Bhim wasn’t complaining, now invited to break the carapaces and suck out the scraps of meat. After eating and passing the rest to Devika, Bhim voiced what had been troubling him. “Baba, I saw tiger tracks.”
The shaman raised his finger to lips and said, “Shhh.”

48

He explained in a hushed tone.“When you say his name it means you are calling him.” Then staring directly into Bhim’s eyes added,”Better to say ‘Uncle.’”

Of course, this was the reason for the protection ritual. The Sundarbans predator was long known as a man-eater. Some speculated that it had a cranky disposition, being forced to drink brackish swamp water, or that it acquired the taste for human flesh due to the prevalence of half-cremated corpses sluiced down river after funerals, but the old shaman who had been coming and going here since a young lad knew otherwise.

49

The story was born in distant Medina, not India. Ibrahim, a childless sufi was visited by the angel Gabriel and was promised two offspring – Bonobibi and Sha Jungli he named them. When older, Gabriel returned saying they had been chosen for a divine purpose far from their desert homeland. Obediently they came to India as merchants, where they met Daksin Ray, a demon with a taste for human flesh. She and her sibling soon overpowered and agreed to spare him, if he promised to stop eating people. She drew up boundaries where humans could live, leaving the jungle for the demon.

50

But Daksin Ray broke his word and became the Sundarbans tiger god stalking any stray villager who wandered into the forest. Thus, Bonobibi and Sha Jungli were forced to remain and protect the people.

“That is why we can’t stay long,” the shaman said. “We must obey Bonobibi.”
The skeptical side of the young man smiled. “Baba, there has to be another reason, something more scientific?”
“Hah! Did science save your fields, or your mother from the cyclone?”
“You young people. You forget the old ways, then suffer.”
He turned away and facing the woven leaf-wall said. “You will see.”

51

He had offended the holyman. It was not good, especially here. However, it couldn’t be helped. Bhim’s little bit of education had bred in him some arrogance that was further inflamed by youthful pride. He wanted to apologise, but the shaman had already turned his back. So he decided to go out and collect firewood as a peace offering and hoped the old man would have cooled off by the time he returned. Of course, he didn’t doubt the reality of the annual tiger strikes, although none really knew why these predators with animals galore to hunt, still favoured human flesh.

52
He returned to check his boat. It was tethered on the tide. A kingfisher dove and surfaced with a pomfret fingerling. White storks shifted about in their tree colony. He looked for pieces of wood, careful not to mistake liana for vine snake and noted the monitor lizard slipping casually into the water. Stay calm! He told himself. Be more careful with old people, he thought. Who knew whether Daksin Ray, the tiger god existed or not, but the noisy monkeys’ presence at the waterhole suggested he wasn’t around. It was getting dark, so Bhim returned with the bundle of firewood.

53

Devika dealt with the shaman’s crossness by sweeping and keeping an eye on the goat on the verandah. Leaving it tied below would have a flagrant invitation for an ‘Uncle’ visit. Having regular milk made her confident that her own milk would not dry up. To pass time she made fresh garlands for the temple, scenting it with incense when the shaman went down to the pool to bring back water. Her thoughts were with Bhim, her one support and prayed to Bonobibi in the temple for his safety, and then to Lakhsmi on the verandah waiting for him to return.

54

Bhim didn’t want to arouse ill feeling, and after stacking the firewood by the oven, he took a cup of milk from Devika, then sat on the verandah looking out into the jungle.

He listened awhile to a fish owl hooting piercingly through the swamp chorus. He nodded rhythmically with clicking insects. The faint traces of breeze were so calm compared with what the cyclone had brought. He noticed now a scorpion perched on the rail and flicked it off. Out there, were other eyes. So he went inside to sleep. This was how his first night of dreams began.

55

Sometime after the half moon rose through the Sundari trees he let go his vast exhaustion like an arrow released from a bow and entered the body of the beast. Bent down. Lethal. Whistling sharpness. He went forth, a nine foot missile-mind from nose to tail unleashed on all fours. He smelled the scent of a breathing body and zeroed in, grabbing it from behind and then veered off with a lunge through the foliage. In the quiet he tore the jugular and opened a river, feasting. The dream repeated until the moon dissolved behind the morning curtain of mist.

56

The next night he again became that hurtling massiveness, this time bearing down upon a slender spotted deer. Incisors sank into warm meat cracking cartilage and bone, but at the crucial moment the beast dissolved away. Disembodied, he felt extreme desire, yet without means to fulfill his craving. Was he a cannibal? The lost wandering ghost? Was this Daksin Ray, feeding on flesh and blood to remake his own flesh and blood? Claws and teeth were scratching and biting inside his consciousness. They were the howling souls of the stricken whom the ageless predator had once eaten and housed within himself.

57
Bhim was confused by what he was experiencing and wanted to for for explanation from the shaman when they went out fishing. He took the net stored inside the shelter and cast it where the shaman pointed. He had not uttered a word since Bhim expressed his doubts. But they worked and netted two large pangas, yellow-tailed catfish. Bhim cleaned and scaled them, while the shaman sat, arms crossed at the prow staring into the young man. Bhim endured those penetrating eyes that seemed to look through and beyond him to another realm. They moored and returned to the ridge..

58

The next night he became the predator’s prey: smoking out honey bees while dreaming of the anklet on his new bride’s foot; or putting down the woodcutter axe to light a bidi, he realised just before the neck snapped he needed the Kolkata clothing factory job; or screaming awake as a Granny gripped by the head and dragged out through a hole in the wall of her village hut like a newborn extracted with forceps. These and other gruesome departures he would never forget. Bhim woke up sweating, only to find fresh pug marks circled below the shaman’s hut on stilts.

NORVAL JOE

When the congregation stood to sing Yap Van Der Merwe noticed, in the row ahead, Mevrou Van Rok’s dress was tucked tightly between her butt cheeks. He thought that must be uncomfortable, so he leaned forward and tugged on her skirt to pull it out.
Before he could stand, she whirled and, fast as a Cape Cobra, klopped him on the side of the head.
The next time the congregation stood and the woman’s dress hung smoothly down her back side, Van Der Merwe politely tucked it back in.
It’s obviously not mine, but it’s the silliest story I know.

DANNY

I decided to form a band called “Hoe Brown And The Dilapidated Housing.” We play a fusion of Jazz, Punk, New Age, Modern Country, Folk, Religious, and Children’s music, all sung in Esperanto while playing Shatoetry from our I-phones. We perform while running on treadmills. Our first track is called, “Having OCD At 8:30 Is Bad When You Have To Be To Work at 9.” It’s a touching children’s story about a loveable purple dinosaur, who while teaching children about the value of life is hunted down and shot dead by Ted Nugent in Times Square. Obviously, this is a Disney production.

JUSTIN

The leader of the Saints, the best gang in Steelport, careened around the corner in a stolen truck, bowling over pedestrians and knocking over lamp posts. The driver door opened and the Saints top member rushed out, not even wearing anything, not even underwear, causing more accidents and mayhem. Then the Saints leader shoved a member of Morningstar into a wall while running past, and they got mad and called in friends.

Diving into a clothing store, the leader donned sandals, shorts, tie-dye shirt, and giant cat mask and ran out guns blazing, incendiary ammo setting the rival gang aflame.

TURA

Malle Sijmen went to town
Malle Sijmen pulled a frown
All the burghers laughed at her
So she pulled the town hall down.

Malle Sijmen went to sea
Malle Sijmen laughed with glee
All the sailors laughed at her
So she killed them– one, two, three.

Malle Sijmen travelled far
By the light of one faint star
When the star began to wane
Malle Sijmen laughed– har, har.

When the sun began to rise
Malle Sijmen had surprise
Fish that flew and birds that sang
Words of wisdom to the wise.

Malle Sijmen ‘splained to me
Nothing of this mystery.

PLANET Z

After boxing, hockey, football, ultimate fighting and all contact sports were banned globally, people still craved blood sports.

“Send in the clowns,” said Don King.

It started with seltzer water and balloon animals, but the Clown Fights quickly escalated into all-out bare-knuckled brawls.

“It’s good clean fun,” testified King to Congress. “Only in America! God bless the U.S.A.”

Clown Fights were banned, too.

Don tried all kinds of gimmicks and stunts to feed the appetite of the crowd: Mimes, Poets, Furries.

All banned.

Eventually, he had a winner: Robots.

All that money, and he still never git a decent haircut.

Weekly Challenge #385 – Underwear

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was UNDERWEAR.

We’ve got stories by:

The next 100 word stories weekly challenge is on the topic of SILLINESS.

Use the Share buttons at the end of the post to spam your social networks. This obligatory cat photo should help make the Internet go faster:

Tongue

Finally, if there are any errors or corrections, please let me know, and I’ll fix them as soon as possible.


JEFFREY

Underwear
by Jeffrey Fischer

Society seems of two minds about undergarments. On the one hand, various pieces of clothing have nearly gone the way of the dodo. The girdle has virtually disappeared, though its descendants live on in the form of various body-shaping fabrics. The slip, too, is an increasing rarity, and stockings have started their long decline. On the other hand, other undergarments seem to have come out to play: the exposed bra strap, proudly on display over a tank top, or the peekaboo of a thong. Young men may be the worst offenders, with pants sagging to highlight the boxers below.

Underwear carries its prefix for a reason. Keep it concealed, Miley.

Commando
by Jeffrey Fischer

Bill enjoyed going commando. He liked the unconfined feel of his nether regions floating freely in his pants. True, he faced certain issues – that ugly zipper incident, or the time he bought itchy wool pants and scratched his way through an unsuccessful job interview. On the whole, however, he liked to think his genitals appreciated their freedom.

Bill’s thinking took a turn, however, at that fateful Christmas party in his apartment building. It seemed as though the whole building showed up at once. The room was hot and very crowded. As Bill tried to squeeze through the crowd, he brushed by Jenny Compton from apartment 7-B. The unfortunate timing of his erection, combined with an unladylike shriek from Jenny and the pummeling Bill received from her boyfriend, was enough. From then on, he was a Fruit of the Loom man.

THOMAS

During initiation rites, we all swore that we’d wear our underwear on the outside of our trousers. We pledged that we would dare to be different, as we are all members of The Madonnas of Clallam County, and on the advisory panel for the Big Bonsai Club. Our hair is clipped short, and facial hair is limited to neatly trimmed Van Dykes. The men are similarly dressed and adorned. Today, we were asked to participate in the centennial celebration for the city, so we’re planning for the event, designing the float, and auditioning the women applying for the support committee.

#
Jeb got several days of wear out of his underwear. Day one, fly forward, right side out. Day two, fly in back, right side out. Day three, fly in back, inside out, and day four, fly in front, inside out. Jeb was clever, and this little trick kept him out of the Army in the mid sixties, and assured him a good seat on the bus and light rail. He’s experimenting with undershirts and socks now, and writing a little Kindle, how-to book on conserving resources and shrinking his carbon footprint. Jeb teaches ecology classes at the local community college.

#
The first time I got into a girls knickers, I was nine. The panties belonged to my cousin. I had taken them off the clothesline, and smuggled them into the bathroom where I put them on. I squeezed into them, and although they put pressure on my guys, they felt wonderful. I used Mom’s Polaroid to take a picture in the big mirror, but in my inflamed state, I left the photo on the sink. My Aunt found it, but didn’t say anything. She made some double entendre comments at dinner and sang “I Enjoy Being a Girl”, during dessert.

#
I remember it like it was yesterday. It was the morning six of us gave poor Nancy Luuper a super wedgie. We pulled her grannies up so high, that we were able to hang her on the doorknob of the gym. She was stuck there until the bell rang, so when the next gym class came down the hall, they were greeted with Nancy’s display. We were all charged with assault, and Nancy was never the same after the incident. She walked with an odd gait, and never had children, eventually suing our families and the school district for millions.

#
I offer these bits of nonsense to all blue-noses, creeps, and windbags. All my stories about underwear are ripe (as Jeb’s underwear) for examination by psychologists and psychiatrists, and you’re welcome to examine them and comment on my affliction. I’ve heard them all…so unless you have something new to offer or you found a new entry in the DSM-5 that’s a good match for my diagnoses and classification, then you can eat my shorts. I am not paranoid. There is no need to be. I am content knowing where your family lives, and how to hack into your medical records.

TOM

I See France

Growing up Catholic I had no idea the amount of magic underwear in the
world. Mormon, Muslim, Sikh, Levite, Hindi sub-sects if you count Hari
Krishna hand in a bag. Priest have vestments. Altar Boys got starched
white baby doll frocks. Infants get a baptismal grown despite gender. Yet
none of these our daily foundation ware.

But Tom, these items are part of religious practice, referring to them as
magical underwear, how unPC of you.

Your on a site were characters end up with fire arms up their butts, get
real.

Closest Catholics get to Magical Underwear are brown scapulars

****

believe me after three month close is not what you want to be.

# # # #

A Well Defined Relationship Part 14

The elevator took them to the top of Wyn Tower. Sitting at a sizable oak
desk was the man himself, but behind him was a Citizen Kane size image of
John Wayne from the film “The Green Berets”. “Oh.” said Banister. “Yes.”
said Dino Mod. “I have a proposition,” said Wyn as he glided from the
desk, pass the Wayne Altar prominently displaying the triple presence of
The Duke, to the center of the room. Wyn all four foot three was wearing a
pair of True Grit silk boxer shorts. “The Profit needs an Angel,
interested?” Banister eyes the door.

RICHARD

#1 – Captured
Some time during the night, George slipped into a fitful sleep, but was soon roused a short time later as the truck came to a shuddering halt.

Blearily, he stumbled to his feet, then jumped in fright as the doors of the container crashed violently open.

“Put your hands where we can see them and don’t move a muscle!”

George peered towards the doorway, eyes adjusting to the light.

“Do it! Now!”

As his vision cleared, George almost soiled his underwear, as he found himself looking straight into the muzzle of a gun.

Slowly he raised his arms, and waited.

#2 – Gym kit

I used to hate gym lessons at school, but believable excuses were hard to come by, and Mr Taylor, the gym teacher, had heard them all before.

It was no good ‘forgetting’ your gym kit either… Taylor would give you the benefit of the doubt on the first occasion, but if it happened again, you did the lesson in your underwear.

There were rarely any repeat offenders.

Of course, he wouldn’t get away with it these days… the first suggestion of lessons in your underwear, he’d no doubt be arrested!

Kids today – they don’t know how good they’ve got it!

#3 – Life Philosophy

Harry always liked to live life to the full… bungee jumping, extreme sports and wild partying marked his youth, all underpinned by his philosophy of ‘Live fast, die young, leave clean underwear!’ – that’s how it was.

However, despite his every effort, he singularly failed to die young and now that life could no longer be considered in any way ‘fast’ – in fact, it had slowed to a definite crawl since the rheumatism had set in – his wild, partying days were well and truly behind him.

Even so, he clung to his philosophy desperately hoping daily… that he’d leave clean underwear!

#4 – Hit by a bus

Mother always said: “You’ll want to make sure you’re wearing clean underwear – what if you get hit by a bus?”

I used to wonder what would mortify her most… me getting flattened by a bus, or the coroner’s report revealing I’d been wearing day-old Y-fronts. Fortunately the chances of being hit by a bus are pretty slim and I could afford to take the odd risk on the laundry front.

All the more ironic that my mother should be run over at the bus station!

I know what you’re wondering…

You’ll just have to wait for the coroner’s report!

MUNSI

Naked

By Christopher Munroe

Buy the fanciest underwear you like, if it makes you feel beautiful I entirely endorse it.

I will, however, say for the record: Nothing looks better than naked.

Assuming that you look good naked.

Which you probably do! In my experience, most people look 30% better naked then they think, so even if you’re worried about your appearance in the boudoir, you likely needn’t be.

So cast off your clothes, free yourself! Throw them on the fire, you’ll never need them again, and live a life natural and free!

Me?

No, I shan’t be joining you. My body’s funny looking…

CLIFF

Dave knew his wife didn’t like country music, so he was surprised to hear her say that she wanted to see his favorite singer when she came to town on tour.
“Honey, I’m so glad you’re expanding your horizons. You’re going to love this show. She’s not just country. She has an enormous range and when she sings, you can just feel the emotion in the air around you. It is truly amazing.”
Lisa explained that she hadn’t said that she wanted to see Carrie Underwood soon, but that she wanted to see Dave carry the underwear to their room.

LIZZIE

The wide assortment of underwear made the store quite successful. The prices were expensive but no one worried about that. Until Mr. Vondrak, the store owner, came up with the idea of having musical panties and the male counterpart, musical boxers. It would’ve been fun too, to own one of those. The problem was the musical taste. Chopin’s Funeral March was a commercial flop and when Mozart’s Lacrimosa was added, for a tempting pay-one-take-two option, the store became eerily empty. Mr. Vondrak didn’t understand it. He wore them all the time, and he loved them; and so did Mrs. Vondrak!

ZACKMANN

“Are you wearing that tie?”
“Don’t you see it on me?”
“At least our children have good fashion sense.”
“Yes Dear.”
“Are we ready to go?” asks Connie
“Everything is ready except I left our son in his room to change. I will check on him”
Zack walks down the stairs and says “You really need to talk to your son.”
“My son, he is always your son or our son when he isn’t doing anything problematic. Why?”
“He is looking through his closet and drawers, refusing to finish getting dressed because he can’t find clothes that match his underwear.”

SERENDIPITY

He denied it, of course – refused to admit he was having an affair. So I was forced to play my trump card.

I asked him about the naughty underwear he’d been buying.

“What underwear?” he protested, so I told him… the g-strings, lacy bras and stockings, and none of them in my size.

Eventually he caved-in and admitted to his indiscretions.

“How could you have possibly known?”, he whimpered.

I suggested next time, he should do his shopping out of town – that way he might avoid picking a store where my best friend happened to be the sales assistant!

SINGH

30
When he tried to visualise some place of refuge, he remembered a village bordering the vast estuarine mangrove Sundarbans. Here they had always practised natural conservation: fishing with a large guage net, leaving one third of the honeycomb for the bees, only cutting woodd from the upper parts of certain trees. Those trips during childhood had been some of his happiest memories, although the place was not without its challenges and lurking dangers. Bhim looked at the position of the morning sun and started to pole with fresh vigour. In reality however, it was the rapid current that was taking him.

31
They glided past plastic flotsam and a bloated cow corpse tethered to a post, a pair of leopard print underwear like a slingshot hung from a horn. He thought of his own drowned beasts. Devika and daughter were recovering inside the shelter. She ran her tongue over the ulcers on her lip. The goat was nearby. Squatting, she forced it up, positioned the cooking pot, wet her hands over the side to wash the teats and coaxed the flow. Soon, the vessel was half full. Despite thirst, she offered it to her husband, but he nodded to her.
“You drink first.”
32
It was comforting to swallow the creamy milk. How long had it been since she had taken any nourishment? They had lost everything and yet the boat and the goat had saved them. She lay on her side to feed Priya, but felt something sharp. It was the shoulder bag she was still wearing. The brass devi was inside. Her mother-in-law must have slipped it in before they had jumped. Thus, the old woman had passed on the responsibility of family worship, so she sprinkled some drops of milk over the goddess, not a proper milk bath, but something.

32
Like this, they travelled. Bhim’s driving instinct was to put the scene of drowned villages and bloating corpses behind. He also feared other survivors turning scavenger and thus told himself the boat was too small to hold more.
“Keep the goat out of sight,” he said to Devika. With it they might survive. But there was no end to the relentless line of wading people. It was cruel, but he ignored their passing pleas for help. One goat’s milk didn’t go very far. It would be days before the waters would subside and sadly many would die of dysentery and typhoid.

33
Yes, Bhim Das had known floods right from childhood. Everyone had. Millions existed between calm and chaos. Then, once at least a decade, nature wiped the slate of the land clean of human habitation. Now mega cyclones were coming with greater frequency. He’d read in the papers about climate change – the disaster pendulum was swinging to each extreme with greater force – a rising flood of diseases here, a retributive drought happening somewhere south, west or north. Everything was disturbed. Bapuji had always harped on about respecting nature. “If you are going to live by the river make friends with the crocodiles.”

34
They moved through the wasteland toward that part of the inland delta system where his uncle lived. Bhim didn’t want to entertain the possibility that the fishing village was no more. Instead, he blithely pictured days spent with otters. Kept on leashed ropes, six would be released to scare fish between spoon boat and riverbank into the net. During the work, the whiskered creatures would be thrown tidbits, then finally a portion of the spoils would be dropped wriggling on a metal tray for them to feast upon. Now, he desperately hoped Varun Das Uncle and his ‘river dogs’ were alive.

35
Finally, he found the tributary at low tide leading to where the village that should have been like a fish skeleton picked clean. The caged otters, cooking fires and fish drying in long rows were gone. The storm surge had done its work. He felt like weeping, not just for the destroyed life of his Uncle’s family, but because part of his childhood had been washed away. For the first time, Bhim felt frightened. He had dragged his family too far in the naive belief that this place would weather the storm. Across the tidal inlet there was only wild jungle.

36
He was stepping over the feral edge of his world. The Sundarbans, the world’s biggest mangrove forest, a braided delta of one hundred islands had long been the Gangetic plain’s shock absorber against cyclones. Without it, the region would have been bitten back into the Bay of Bengal. Here the low tide salt-filtration roots rose up from sediment like a killing field of pointed spikes helping the mangroves breathe. When the boat was tied, Bhim wanted to survey the island.
Devika said, “Don’t leave us.”
So they both got down, Devika with baby and milk pot, Bhim dragging the goat.

37
Negotiating carefully where to step barefoot between spikes, he saw pug marks in mud. Fear and nausea punched him. He suppressed it, stepped into the trees with the right foot first, (just as he would later leave with the left) something he’d learned as a boy. Now, the trail rose to an open ridge-top. It was looking familiar. He’d been here with Varun Das and smoking out savage bees and cutting honeycombs from branches in past seasons. At the top, a rough thatched temple had weathered the storm on stilts, housing its image of Bonobibi, the goddess of the forest.

38
Now he needed to meet the holy man and get his blessings. Bhim found him perched up in his hut. Bhim was relieved. Someone familiar was still here.
“So, you are back,” said the sadhu, his eyes screwed up like raisins, squinting down at them on.
“Baba,” Bhim Das said. “This is my wife and child.”
“Son, this time is bad.”
“We lost everything, Baba. Our land, my mother. Have you seen Varun Uncle?”
The sadhu went silent. What did he know?.
“I saw the fishing village,” Bhim said. “Washed away.”
“They are gone,” is all the holy man would say.

39
“Let’s go,” he said. And climbed down the rungs. Made of, this structure like the temple’s legs had resisted many cyclones and surges. Or was it the holyman’s power? This flattened ridge was the highest and safest place. All climbed to the temple level and bowed in turn to Bonobibi’s idol. On the left was Daksin Ray, the tiger god, and Sha Jungli, Bonobibi’s club-wielding warrior brother was on her right.
Then the old man prepared to do his ritual.
“You have something to offer, Mother?” he asked?
Devika passed over the pot swishing with the last of the milk.

40
The shaman lit incense, poured milk into a brass vessel and mixed in white round discs of sugar wafers, known as patashas. He placed it before Bonobibi and prayed:

O Mother of the forest
we’re nothing — mosquitoes,
dumb stones in the mud.
Despite this, protect your lowly sons,
like Bhim Das and his family
keep them safe in your womb
for the full term, and place them
there again and again.
Do not leave his side, Ma,
O Ma, please listen.

With that, he offered the milk to goddess and entourage, and then to Bhim and Devika who wet her finger for Priya to suck.

STEVEN

I hold my hands near the fireplace, warming them from iced numbness. “I miss my longjohns, the bright red wool ones with the fold-down back flap.”

John laughs. “Mine were footies. Bright red, but no flap.”

Rufus nods, unwraps a bit of meat from a red cloth sack, slides it onto his stick, and holds it over the fire. “Ayup. I got ones kinda like that for my kids.”

He shuts up then, sudden-like. We listen to the hiss-pop of the cooking meat, the crackling fire, the restless infected wandering outside.

We don’t ask about Rufus’ kids.

We aren’t hungry.

NORVAL JOE

He leaned on the second floor railing looking down on the heads of shoppers below. It had been years since he last visited the local shopping mall and felt even more out of place than he had before.
“When I was a kid if we wanted to be rebelious, we went without underwear,” he grumbled. “Now it seems that’s all they wear.”
“Dad. I found what I need for the wedding. Can you come in and pay for it?” His daughter asked from the entrance to Victoria’s Secret.
Blood drained from his face as he asked, “Do I have to?”

DANNY

“What is that under there?!” I shouted. “Under where?!” my roommate screamed back, concerned. “HA! I made you say underwear!” I shouted back. My roommate, not amused he fell for this joke for the 3rd time this morning, gave me a cross look. The joke was wearing thin. “Shouldn’t you be writing?” my roommate quipped. Instead, I noticed my Maltese Freddie under the table. Before I could say, “look under there”, I was smacked over the head with a frying pan. I woke up to find my roommate stuffing his used underwear in my mouth. Surprisingly, they taste like waffles.

TURA

A century would be enough for my first experiment with the Time Machine. I emerged into a London thronged with masses beyond all expectation.

“Great steampunk outfit!” exclaimed a passing group of strangely dressed young people. On engaging discreetly in conversation, I realised that they took me to be in fancy dress, pretending to be exactly what I was! I played this happy chance to the full!

“These astoundingly compact telephones, I can understand as a simple extrapolation from the contraptions of a hundred years ago. But tell me, why does everyone in this era walk about in their underwear?”

PLANET Z

She came out of the bathroom in a white cotton robe, holding a pair of red panties in one hand and white in the other.

“Which color should I wear today?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” I said, untying the robe’s belt and opening it. “Let me ask.”

And I buried my face between her thighs.

Four minutes later, I came up for air.

“All I heard was YES YES YES,” I said. “No colors, though.”

She smiled, put her hands on my head, and I bent down to ask again.

(Whatever the color, she’s going to need another shower.)