Category: Weekly Challenge

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Forty-Nine, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was Frozen Bananas

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

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Tom

I run a cryro firm called Fruits on Ice. We freeze all kinds. Lots of apples a bunch of pears, strawberries, and tomatoes. In 2020 the University of Hawaii discovered a sentient Pineapple well the rest of the vegetative kingdom followed suit. They organized, elected congressmen. In 2035 they made history with the first Banana president. After eight years He was looking pretty bad, but surprisingly still conscience. A grateful nation decided it was best to freeze their beloved fruit. That’s him over there in the Presidential cryro suite. I tear up whenever I walk past Ol Frozen Banana Barack

Zackmann

That was a strange murder weapon Detective. Just how did you figure it out? Actually, I have a
Paul and Storm tribute band called Frozen Bananas and I was looking to see if our new video
had any hits on youtube. Then I saw these videos about how cold winter gets in Minnesota
and that the victim had been hit repeatedly with a blunt object. We searched the mulch pile. It
was hard to get the prints off a banana peal also to come to the conclusion that the wife of the
suspect committed no crime making a fruit smoothie.

Dave

I’ve had my store for years. I’ve seen it all since I opened my doors in 1974. Right across from me was one of those As Seen on TV stores. If you saw it on TV, you could find it there. They had the Super Funky Ball, Easy Feet, Nappy Nappers and Camel Toe B Gone. Some of it good stuff to make your life easier. Most of it was just crap. So that store went under. Then a combo store opened up. It was half smoothie store and half adult novelty store. Their biggest seller was the Frozen Bananas.

Michael S.

I read the death certificate aloud to my brother and sister.

Hey, it was their father too.

Above the coroner’s signature I read the abbreviation, “DBFB”.

I turned away from my reading and looked across to our lawyer with a questioning look upon my face.

“Apparently,” he explained”, your father was stabbed to death by blunt objects while working in the Arctic in search of oil.”

“He put up one helluva fight but was overcome by the force of so many frozen bananas. Thus, DBFB, death by frozen bananas.”

Undeserving of any intelligent response, I simply returned to my reading.

Chris the Nuclear Kid

Icestorm and The Frozen Bananas

Icestorm the dragon ate warriors for breakfast. Every year, Icestorm
roamed the lands, turning people and crops to ice.

A boy ran through the forests and up the mountain to Icestorm’s cave.

“Who goes there?” roared the dragon. “Another warrior trying to kill me?”

“No, I want you to stop eating people!”

Icestorm laughed. “What should I eat, boy?”

The boy held out bananas from the forest. “Try these!”

The dragon’s breath froze the fruit as he ate them. “Yummy!”

That’s how Icestorm stopped eating people. But the monkeys were in
for a surprise!

Stephen the Nuclear Man

The banana monk knelt before the saffron-robed master.

“What must I do to achieve enlightenment?” the banana supplicant asked
the plantain master – though they both only spoke Mandarin.

The plantain smiled and stepped past the puzzled supplicant. He
returned with cherries, whipped topping, and ice cream. He sprayed
the whipped topping on the supplicant.

The banana got very angry. “Make me one with everything?” the
supplicant shrieked. “That stupid joke doesn’t even make sense in
Mandarin!”

The plantain sat down, smiled, and applauded, even though plantains
have no hands.

And thus did they both achieve Zen.

AM Earley

I came to Vegas to gamble my career as an illusionist. Two years on and I’m little more than an usher in a casino stage show. Before work I stopped at a bench to think of a way to get enough money for my own show, or to go back to Nebraska.

Then I saw the light, or eclipse actually. A gangly frat-boy tourist stood over me. He apparently thought the way I was eating my frozen banana was an advertisement for prostitution. Well it is legal here. However I can think of another way to get his money. Although theft and assault are not legal here.

TerrazaByte

My refrigerator broke down last week with some sort of thermostat issue.
I called the repair man and gave him the details about what the problem was.
I told him that the freezer warms up and thaws everything inside…
and that the fridge part gets so cold, that it freezes everything on that side!

After waiting at the house from SOMETIME BETWEEN 8 and 5,
he finally showed up and had the strangest look on his face after I greeted him at the door.

Am I ever so glad to see you! I have a frozen banana in my pocket!

TJ

The kid across the way had a lemonade stand. It was 90 degrees and
people were drawn to his ice cold refreshment, and I thought, what beats
ice cold? Frozen. I’d dip a frozen banana in chocolate and indeed,
people would plunk $1 down for the tasty treat. I doubled my profits
when I determined they’d pay the same amount for half a banana.
Between us, we locked up the neighborhood. Then Sally opened her
snowcone stand, which did brisk business – until it mysteriously
burned down. It’s their own fault for turning “The Art of War”
into a children’s book.

Norval Joe

“What the heck are those things?” Gefilta said as she fluttered her fairy wings to hold her diminutive body at shoulder level to the rest of the fellowship. Tall, black, cylinders towered obliquely above the heads of the party and exuded a sweet scent. Sartorius stretched his long elfin muscles and kicked forward through large, twisted husks. “They’re bananas. This is the frozen banana forest.” Gluteus the gnome snickered. “”These are the ice giants’ favorite food. Hopefully we’ll get through the worst of it before the giants show up.” Distant booms warned they might just have run out of time.

Justin

Yes, we have frozen bananas
We have frozen bananas today

We’re in the tropics
In our parkas
Because the worst did happen here

It wasn’t
global warming
It wasn’t
an oncoming ice age

But Yes we have frozen bananas
We have frozen bananas today

Here’s really what happened
Please don’t start your laughin’.
I could decide what I wanted to munch
on last Thursday’s lunch.

I held the fridge door open
Trying to find good food I was hopin’
But then substance on which I was dopin’
knocked me right onto me rump!
The door stayed open all night!
(chorus)

Planet Z

The world is running out of monkeys.

Worried scientists came up with a plan to capture and store monkeys cryogenically.

Despite billions of dollars in research and hundreds of frozen monkeys, they never managed to revive the beasts.

Then, they came up with a plan to keep just frozen monkey embryos in storage.

Those, they knew how to revive, but if the world ran out of monkeys, where would they be implanted?

It took a few more billion dollars worth of research to figure out how to implant them into humans.

And that’s how my dad explained my little sister.

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Forty-Eight, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was I saw the light!

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

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---

Tom

Jack kept the rhyme of the compressions as constant as possible. Danny didn’t look good. Lake Michigan is not a body to take lightly in November. “1000 one 1000 two 1000 three.” Press Press Press. Jack saw Danny pitch off the peer in an endless series of slow motion frames. It felt like forever till he hit the water, but in fact it was no more than five seconds. One final hit sent water gushing from Danny’s mouth, he coughed, retched coughed and eyes slowly rolled open. “I saw the light” he rasped. “So have I kid so have I.”

Dave

They say happy cows live in California. We ain’t just happy. We are as high as the giant sequoia tree tops. We ain’t chewing grass and weed for nothing.
My cousin, Brad, got so high once he accidentally ate a burrito. How do you accidentally eat a burrito? I don’t know. The whole incident is clouded in mystery and drama. But he swears it happened. Since that day, Brad was different. You could say he saw the light. Now he strictly eats mushrooms. Brad then tried to milk a bull. I hear they have an apartment over on polk street.

TJ

The air in the revival tent was dusty and hot. They’d set it up in the
afternoon, in the heat of the day, and the thick canvas held the heat
like an oven as parishioners crowded in. Sweat rolled off Brother
Michael’s face as his vociferous invective wrestled souls for God.
Three choruses of “I Saw the Light” and Jenny Reynolds, her feet
moving independent of fear or will, stepped forward to be healed. Unsure
of her ailment, Michael, moved by the spirit, dutifully laid his hands
on her. She shrieked, spasmed, and fell. No longer carrying her
brother’s child.

Steven

“I was still twelve and just a kid,” I told my class, “when I went
fishing with my friend Beth. She caught five, and I caught four.
That’s because she had all the good bait, and I just had leftover
hotdogs. We walked home, and then there was a bright light, and the
UFO landed. The aliens said -”

“Jasper,” said Mr. Hamlin, “a biography is a true story about our
lives, not science fiction.”

“Yessir,” I said, as the class laughed at me.

They sure were surprised when my real parents came to pick me up in
our flying saucer.

Zackmann

I think I see light again. I will be free at least for a while. I am a man of paper, thin and
laminated. I was created to educate. I travel across the country. If I am lucky in a family car over
vacation or on an airplane to visit relatives of the families I stay with but most of my traveling
is first class. Unfortunately that is first class US mail. Sometimes I want to open the envelop
myself but I need some to open it.
You may have heard of my legendary travels because I am Flat Johnny.

No one could have predicted the changes when we discovered how to make structures out
of light. Since it did not keep the rain out we decided against making homes but the people in
North Dakota who bought the military surplus missile silos found them great for decorating their
indoor gardens. The people in California were happy because we made lamps out of light and
it was much cheaper than PG&E. The good thing our products made of light would dim and
vanish in a year, job security. Sometimes the pieces are too big and I saw the light

Danny

I woke up one morning realizing what a wretched man I had become. Images of those who had been in my life before, they had clearly moved on. Why could I not move forward? Must I always be stuck in the past? Then, I literally died. Standing on the precipice of the great void, I heard the collective consciousness of the universe, and realized that I existed long before I was born. I could feel the energy from the well where we all come from, one day I will go home. From the depths of this darkness, I saw the light.

TerazzaByte

I always wanted to be a movie star and last week I had my big break.
I was walking down Sunset Boulevard and came across a film crew setting up for a shoot.
They were looking for extras and I jumped up and down to get their attention.
I jumped so high that I hit my head on the microphone boom and knocked myself out.
When I came to, I saw the light of cameras shining directly at me.
Not the film crews’ cameras, but some dude with a cell phone uploading my little incident to YouTube.
I am a STAR!

Norval Joe

Curt and Bob walked along the rural highway. The narrow two lane road stretched across the featureless terrain toward the horizon.
Curt asked for the hundredth time, “So, Bob. You didn’t notice the flashing red light?”
“I told you already,” Bob snapped, “I saw the light. But there are always lots of lights.”
Curt muttered, “I would take a flashing red light on a nuclear control panel pretty seriously.”
“Water under the bridge, Curt. I’m getting hungry. Do you think the meltdown destroyed the town?”
“I’d think so, Bob. It’s gonna be a while before we find some fresh brains.”

Justin

The luchador walked into the convenience store and took of his hat. He went to the back of the store, being ignored by the big city shoppers, despite being in full, masked, luchador wardrobe. He picked up the gallon of milk he came for, then got in line.

He was peering at the DVD rack and considering ‘Are We There Yet’ when three men walked in quickly with their faces covered by grinning plastic politicians. The luchador beat them up. One rolled on the floor moaning “Look at the pretty lights …” Then the luchador paid for his milk and left.

Planet Z

We were doing seventy on Cleveland Road heading North towards 161.

That’s when I saw the light.

It was red.

It was raining, and there was no way we were going to slow down.

So, I closed my eyes, made a wish, and somehow we made it through that intersection alive.

Yes. We.

I had someone with me.

And he was scared out of his fucking mind.

As we turned into Knight’s Ice Cream, I think I said something like “That was really cool.”

But I don’t remember what I said, or what flavor ice cream I got.

Probably chocolate.

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Forty-Seven, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was Are we there yet?

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

[polldaddy poll=4396898]

And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.

---

Steven

Fifty years since we left Earth in our hollowed-out asteroids, so I’m
sixty-seven. Thanks to hibernation, I only feel fifteen. They let me
man the controls – I’m mature for my age. It makes the month rotation
with my sister go by faster. I could do this for years and years and
not feel anxious about getting to another star.

Amy calls over the comm, quick and panicky. She doesn’t answer when I
call back.

I hear a noise – one I’ve not heard since we left Earth.

A zombie moan.

Now I can’t get off this ship fast enough.

Tom

Burroughs’ bark banged against the waters of hell. “Actually it is the waters between hell and the other side,” interjected the Podcaster. “Are we there yet,” inquired St Peter rubbing his hand over a small pile of burning copies of the Naked Lunch. “I think we’re close I see a less darker dark over there.” Said the Podcaster pointing to a thin line on the horizon. Suddenly wave upon wave of hands rose around the bark tossing rainbows into the boat. “What hell are those,” yelled Burroughs. “AOL CDs,” replied the Podcaster. Make for the shore before the subscriptions activate.

Michael

“Oasis Pub, how can I help you?”, Joe said.

“Hi, I’m Ilene Dover. Harvey there yet? My husband Harvey said he’d be there tonight.”

Ilene Dover, Joe thought. That’s one helluva handle.

“I’ll tell him you called Ilene,” Joe said, hanging up the phone.

He turned to Harvey at the far end of the bar.

“Call home Harvey, Ilene Dover is looking for you,” Joe said, unable to suppress his laughter.

“It could have been worse,” Harvey replied, “ I could have married her brother Ben.”

These people are sick, Joe thought, wiping away the spilled beer from the bar.

Zackmann

TJ was happy with his life’s work as spaceship navigator because space is even emptier than
North Dakota. TJ could tell it would be a long trip when he scolded his future replacement and
very young son, saying “Our new home, The Primogeniture, is a multi-generational spaceship.
We will travel for almost half a Millennium to our new planet. You, your children, your grand
children, and your great grand children are likely to have died of old age before even getting
close to our destination.
So for God’s sake, please stop asking me if we are there yet.”

TerrazaByte

The year was 1903 and time for the annual Father/Daughter hiking trip through the Rein Mountains.

Lieserl and her Father were preparing the backpacks while her mother, Mileva, packed a special lunch for them to enjoy.

“Thank you Mama” she said, as she hugged her good bye.

She then took the hand of her father and they began to walk side by side down the trail.

After what seemed to be hours that passed by, Lieserl asked her Father, “Are we there yet?”

Albert looked at her with a puzzled look and said, “My dear, we are ALWAYS there.”

AM Earley

“One more mile to the mall,” declared my daughter. She is so smart, and such a worry-wart. I can’t tell her anything that will upset her or she will run to her room crying. I hope she grows out of it before she finishes forth grade. Fortunately I found a nice children’s dentistry near the mall. All I have to do now is take the right fork in the road, not the . . . .

“Mommy, the mall’s in the left lane.”

“We’re going afterwards.”

“After. After? After wh . . . ?”

I told you she was smart.

“No, no, noooooooooo.”

And a worry-wart.

Danny

Are we there yet? Have we solved our nation’s problems, have we moved beyond the hate and polarization that rules our current political climate? Are we ever going to see the day when we stop shooting each other because our political ideals differ from one another? Are we ever going to start moving forward in a productive way, creating new things, exploring new frontiers? Are we there yet? Reality check, the voices of hate are too strong, Glen Beck, Sarah Palin, Bill O’Reily, Fox News! Truth be told, this from a man of bad taste, were never going to get there.

TJ

The light flashed. Again. “Check engine.” I did. I hit a rock on the
road and there’s an open coolant leak under my radiator. As long as
I’m moving forward the fan is sucking cold air into the engine, but
the holiday traffic slows as I approach the service center and the
lights are against me. Another red light. I shut the engine off and
wait. It turns, and my car struggles to start again. Oh G-d. Will I make
it? Will I get stuck in traffic? Steam curls ominously from under the
hood as the light goes red again.

Norval Joe

Leanna wiped the sweat from her forehead, pushed a stray lock of hair back up into her bonnet and leaned on her older sister Elitha who tried to push her away.
“Dad,” she whined. “It’s hot. My feet hurt. I’m sweating and tired. Are we there yet?”
George Donner removed his hat and ran his fingers through his hair as he surveyed the low rolling hills of the countryside.
“Well,” he said, “we just left Independence, Missouri this morning, so we still have about 2000 miles to Sutter’s fort. Just keep walking and we’ll be in California in no time.”

Planet Z

One hour to opening.

Time to inspect “World Of The Future.”

I activate the systems, and step onto the moving sidewalk.

The Andersons’ car drives up.

“Are we there yet?” asks Jimmy Anderson. “Are we in The Future yet?

“No, Jimmy,” I say with Dad Anderson. “We aren’t.”

The corporate sponsor’s gadgets line both sides of the walkway.

The Andersons’ spaceship rockets up.

“Are we there yet?” asks Jimmy Anderson. “Are we in The Future yet?

“No, Jimmy,” I say, ignoring Dad Anderson. “But there’s plenty of crap to sell until then.”

“Future’s ready,” I say over the radio, yawning.

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Forty-Six, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was Fake

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

[polldaddy poll=4360776]

And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.

---

Vince/Fricker

It was mid-summer.

I was sitting on an old wooden dock suspended over a smooth surface of a high mountain lake.
I tilted my head back and let the sun pour its warm caress of heat over my face.

My feet swayed at the water’s surface in beat with my peaceful heart.
The waters chill and the Suns velvet glove of warmth brought comfort to me like no other day in memory.

Beep beep beep…

Nap-time was over and therefore my dream. Another foot of snow had fallen.
Gone was the fake fishing pole, replaced by a real snow shovel.

Tom

When I was small I had an undifferentiated view of the world. Everything had an ample amount of gravitas. Even things close to the edge like stuff toys fit nicely into my own private verisimilitude. All that changed on my 5th birthday the day Easter fell on April the sixth. He suddenly appeared in the corner store window. 12 inches resplendently attired in an embossed bunny waistcoat. He was most assembled chocolate I had ever seen, which should have been a warning. When I unwrapped Him I choose the ear as the best place to begin.

TK

Another day, another dollar. Sai yawned, his feet hit the floor, and it was off to the wardrobe. Nobody knew, naturally. A human with cat features would be tolerated as well as Bigfoot in this world. The tail tucked into his jeans easily enough, with some tailoring. He’s well known as “that guy with a fedora”, so hiding his ears was cake. A stop by the washroom for a pair of contacts and a shave (making sure to keep those pesky whiskers trimmed flat against his face), and the facade was complete. Nobody could possibly know he was a Neko.

Cherie

In the end he said, “It’s not real.” To which I replied, “What? Not real? Do you know how much I paid for this?!”  “Shame,.” he muttered, “Some folks just don’t have an eye for it.”
Shuffling out of the shop I felt the slow drip of anger trickle down my back. “How can it not be real?” I asked myself, ” I was so careful. I did my research. I asked all the right questions!”
Looking down at the small unicorn stationed at my side, I sighed, ruffled its mane and said, “It’s okay, buddy, you’re real enough for me.”

Jeff

I opened my eyes slowly. It was dark, but not so dark that you couldn’t see anything, just dark enough that you couldn’t see anything well. I looked around, slowly, trying to figure out the situation. To the left and right of my position it was dark as well, but there was a faint noise, water trickling somewhere, and dripping into a large pool. I looked up, and saw a circle of light. I heard a screeching, scraping sound as steel screamed against steel and the circle became a crescent and then a thud as the manhole cover was replaced.

Steven

See Sally. Sally likes Bobby. Sally has regular-sized breasts.

See Bobby. Bobby likes Sally. Bobby has inherited male pattern baldness.

Sally and Bobby date. Later, they get married. They care about each other.

See Sally look at the media. See Sally get envious of photoshopped
silicone breasts.

See Bobby look at the media. See Bobby get envious of men with full
heads of hair.

See Sally get new breasts. See Bobby get new hair. They are fake.

See Sally and Bobby hug.

While they hug, they don’t meet each other’s eyes.

More than hair and breasts is fake here.

Zackmann

When I was young my grand aunt took a trip and asked me to water the plants in her apartment.
Wanting to please my beloved aunt, I went to her place every day she was absent, then filled
the watering can and got to work. I watered her Diefenbachia, Spider plants, Creeping Charlie,
and every other plant I could find.Upon her return with a smile my aunt thanked and told me
that I did a very thorough job but if she ever needed me to do it again there will really be no
need to water the artificial plants.

AM Earley

The nightclub bouncer sighed, “Your driver’s license, your hair color, color contacts, fur coat, costume jewelry, breast implants, leather purse, and are those dentures? Everything about you right now is fake. Give me one reason I should let you inside.”

“I taught you in the forth grade. That was before my husband dumped me for a younger woman. He then came back to me when she stole all his money. Now it is my turn.”

The bouncer took a deeper look until he finally found the real woman he had last seen twenty years before.

“Enjoy yourself.”

Michael

Holding them in his hands he felt their smoothness, their roundness, their perfection.

So perfect, he felt certain they must be fake.

“These cannot be real,” he told himself rolling one across his fingers noticing that it was clearly larger.

She stared at him awaiting his response, his next move.

He backed away from her sensing he had gone beyond their allotted time.

“I’m sorry madam. Thank you for your time. I simply don’t know enough about pearls to distinguish the real from the fakes.”

She sighed, looking beyond him for the next customer to approach the counter.

TJ

In the past, bank robbers wore fake beards. These days we wear fake
boobs. Even without disabling the cameras it’s so hard to focus on our
faces. We got the idea from a stripper at Angels. I didn’t realize til
halfway through her set she was my sister. I asked her if those things
were real, and she said, “They ain’t figments of your
imagination.” I asked if they were hers and she said she sure paid
enough for them. As family reunions go it was pretty awkward, and two or
three sets later I stormed right out of there.

Danny

Big shiny BMW, fresh spanking new, just driven off the lot. Have all of this bonus money to spend, what should I buy next, a large house in an affluent neighborhood? Nah, I already have 12 of those. I want something that screams out “Success!” I want to be looked up to, after all, I am an upstanding citizen. I know, extended vacation on an exclusive island in the Bahamas. When vacation’s over, time to go back to work and deny loans to small business and homeowners who need it. Greed only works for those who are not victimized by it.

Norval Joe

“This girl is a fake,” the detective said as he took the pipe from his mouth and cradled it in his hand. He circled the peasant girl. Her long blonde curls reached nearly to her waist.
“But Mr. Holmes,” the rotund, balding man said, “the shoe fits. She’s wearing it now.”
“It’s elementary, my Dear Watson; Hyper-hydrosis.”
“The real mystery girl from the ball is one of these ugly step-sisters, her feet now swollen from dancing all night in uncomfortable shoes.”
“This charlatan’s excessively sweaty feet facilitated her fraud by allowing her to don the other girl’s ill-fitting glass slipper.”

Planet Z

It was the fourth quarter, and the Eagles were down by two, facing fourth and inches.

Forty yards out, the clock running down.

Yeah, everybody knew they were going to fake the punt.

Except the punter, apparently. When the ball was snapped and he punted the ball, everybody just stared at him.

Including the returner. Instead of catching the ball and running with it or calling for a fair catch, it bounced off his hands.

Nobody moved.

Except for the punter, who ran to grab the ball and scored a touchdown.

The officials didn’t blow the whistle for another minute.

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Forty-Five, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was My hat’s off to you!

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

[polldaddy poll=4326233]

And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.

---

Mick

The café was almost full, so he took a seat at a table already occupied by a pretty young woman. She glanced up from her book to acknowledge his presence with a smile that warmed him from his walk through the Viennese wind.

It was as fine a coffee as he had ever tasted, but the cake far exceeded his expectations. He offered her some, keen to share his discovery. On leaving, he raised his hat to the café owner in thanks.

Every subsequent year they returned, as husband and wife, to share a Kardinalschnitte in the Café Alt Wien.

AM Earley

“Silent Night.” “Behtoven’s Fifth.” “Walking the Floor.” “Freebird!” “Master of Puppets!”

The young soldier took every request given. His guitar was one of the few luxuries he brought with him during his third tour. He may only be a music geek, but here he was as famous as Elvis, maybe.

“Ok, it is time for bed for all. I don’t care how old you are.” The older veterans would tip their imaginary hats and follow the head nurse’s order. The younger veteran’s took turns wheeling the musician back to his room, for another restless night. Sweet music would return tomorrow.

Tom

The star of the Congress of Rough Riders was the first American cowgirl. She could rope she could ride some say she was a better shot that Anne Mose herself. Lucille Mulhall at 14 had caught the eye of the future president of American. “Bully” he shouted in the rising Oklahoma dust on the first forth of July of a newly minted century. “My hats off to that little lady I say I must meet her.” The cowgirl and the candidate ending their first meeting on a red bluff under a crescent moon hunting the last gray wolf in Oklahoma

Zackman

Bob never took his hat off. Not in the field, not inside the house, not at the table no matter what
he’s mother told him, not when he went to bed, not when he got a haircut, nor in church, and
not even in the shower. One day Bob’s Girl friend Said ” If you don’t take that hat off now, I’m
leaving you”. Bob cried for three days but he did not take off his hat. Our hats off to you Bob for
never bowing to social pressure nor common sense and never removing you hat

Michael

“All you do is criticize me,” John said, addressing his wife’s reflection in the mirror.

“My shirt’s the wrong color to you.”

“My shoes are the wrong style to you.”

“Hell, even my hat’s off to you!”

“How do you suppose I got dressed before you came into my life?”

She stared at his back as he stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

If he’s going to be that much of a jerk, she thought, he can just walk around all night with his pants unzipped.

TJ

You hear a wuffle in the hallway, a rustling among the coats.
When there’s a bustle in your hedgerow, you should be alarmed.
It’s not just a spring clean for the May Queen … oh no.
You’ve wakened the wrath of an old chapeau.
There was some magic in that old top hat they found.
Voodoo. The bunny you took home with you
When it hopped to you at my magic show
My mystical exhibition, phantasmagorica
How trepidation transforms your euphoria
It stopped seeking my bunny, it’s shifted its view
With dark magic teeth, see … my hat’s off’ter you.

Danny

You both are the two true heroes in my life. Always there in my time of need, always supportive of whatever path I chose, you were both there in my times of triumph and utter despair. Every time I woke up in the hospital, you were right by my bedside, amazed and overjoyed your only son was still alive. You stood proudly next to me as I was sworn in as an attorney, and helped me as my practice struggled through a depressed economy. To my parents, Norma and Luther, I love you both. My hat’s off to you.

Vince

You took me on a roller-coaster ride and left me stranded. I saw you waving at me from down below. You were laughing at me like the over-sized clown that stands in front of the Fun House. You had me in a cold sweat not knowing when the coaster was going to drop. Inch by inch I felt the car move but the drop never came. All my senses vanished except for hearing every squeak and every crack as the coaster spoke of my pending free-fall. Well hats off to you 2010 but is this all you got. Let’s ride!

Norval Joe

The two boys were best friends since sixth grade when Bert first helped Wendell complete a science project.

There was a tinge of rivalry to their friendship and Wendel always seemed to get credit for Bert’s work.

Wendall got the better grades in high school physics and a bigger scholarship at Stanford than Bert got at Cal. The final straw, Wendall got a government defense contract for an idea they had developed together.

Bert smiled, knowing the fatal errors built into the formulae.

“My hat’s off to you, Wendell,” Bert toasted his friend. “I wish you the success you deserve.”

PLANET Z

It took a day to scrounge up the parts from dumpsters in the garment district.

It took another day to repair the worst of the damage and assemble the ones that fit together best.

On the third day, I dressed the figure in a suit that no longer fit me.

And on the fourth, I placed him outside the front door, with a fine top hat in his hand.

He stands there, smiling.

Why an abortion clinic would want a mannequin in a suit greeting people, I don’t know.

But somehow, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Forty-Four, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was Make a run for it!!

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

[polldaddy poll=4299525]

And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.

---

Dave

James and Dennis were putting the finishing touches on their system of fire crackers and cherry bombs packed into the dirt beneath the arrangement of plastic army men. James’ older brother decided to have some fun of his own and lit the fuse while the boys weren’t looking. Suddenly noticing the lit fuse, they bolted out of the yard and behind the fence. Silence. “Out you go Brownie,” their mom said as she let the dog out. Of course his nose sent him directly to the fire crackers. “Here Brownie!” they called, but it was no use.

Zackmann

Since the newspaper headline is “Last Print Edition Ever Due to Bankruptcy” are there any
stories you want to run but didn’t for fear of losing your job or add revenue.
Well there was this letter from someone Who call himself “The Punnisher” postmarked
Englewood Colorado. It had more puns than a Xanth novel. He had asked a couple times if
the newspaper would run a feature he called “The Punishment”. After he we said no, he sent a
really bad “The Punnishment” as a joke featuring a pun about electing a BlackBerry.

Steven the Nuclear Man

”You think he’s watching?” I put my hand on Mrs. Claus’ arm as she
shakes her head.

Her lips run over the elfin point of my ear. “Of course not. He
watches the human children. You are neither human” – her hand runs
down my body – ” nor a child.”

I fumble with the buttons on her blouse; she slides me out of the
green jumper. We explore each other’s bodies as twenty four hours
pass like one.

Which means he pulls up while we’re still naked.

I try to run, but damn if my socks don’t keep filling up with coal.

TJ

The tacky holiday sweater contest is a bad idea, especially when
you’re as competitive as we are. We all took a run at it, and the
office became an explosion of glitter, tinsel, garland, blinking lights
and jingle bells. They got us together for the judging and it’s like
Christmas threw up on us. I dressed as Rudolph with jingle bell antlers
and a blinking red nose, but we all lost to Karl, who wore a damn
Christmas tree. Later, he confessed he’d just hit the nog too hard,
tripped over the tree in the lobby and couldn’t get free.

Guy David

– …So, I just stood there staring as this guy started shouting right before lunch break, “They are going to turn us into mindless zombies and promote us” or something like that. That guy really lost it.
– Please don’t do that voice
– Sorry… Anyway, how was your day?
– Arms everywhere
– No kidding. Did you make a run for it?
– I wasn’t trained for this
– No one ever is I guess.
– I don’t know what the point of this is
– It’s an exercise in meaningless chatter.
– It’s all my fault
– Look – I have an extra bellybutton.
– That’s between you and the monkeys

Tom

I grab Sue Ann sprinting past the cosmetics. As she spins away she lays a fist to my rib cage. “Bit me Wendell.” She spits. “No but they will.”With out missing a stride Suzie levels the shot gun behind her and takes out two Zmart associates. Since major retail chains started hiring Zombies Shopping is an adventure. Rounding the oral b Kiosk she hacks the ends off a half dozen toothbrushes with a machete. Out of housewares three associates claw at her. Sue pounds a brush into Two forehead rolls forward backhands the third zombie. Bitch clowns eat oral.

Beth and Gina

Fake Fire, Fake Tree, Fake Cat,

Real Beer, Real Whiskey, Real Smokes, Real Good.

Trust me.

Im sitting between a fake fireplace (television playing a fire inside a real fire place) and a Christmas tree made of plastic, donning lights, and crystalline ornaments.

The fake cat is asleep next to me. I watch it’s smooth even (battery powered) breaths.

So We are sitting here, watching Christmas on TV.

She’s got beer… real beer. Me? Whiskey, also real.

We are sitting here laughing about how wonderful it feels to be sitting here between a Fake Tree and Fake Fire holding a Fake cat…

thank God for Real Whiskey, Real Beer and Real Smokes!

Norval Joe

The examiner scowled at the graduate student. “Peter. You claim you weren’t able to collect all the data for your master’s thesis?”
“Yes, sir,” Peter said, a perpetually baffled expression furrowed his brow. “I trapped twelve red squirrels and took blood samples from each. I tested each sample for the ‘grey squirrel pox virus’. I gave each squirrel a pencil and questionarre to fill out. Three ate their pencils, eight made a run for it and escaped, and only one completed the questionarre.”
“Will this affect my final grade?” Peter asked.
“No,” the examiner smiled sadly, “I don’t think so.”

Planet Z

Christmas behind barbed wire, restricted to our barracks.

Almost all of the prison camp guards are in the guardhouse, drinking and singing and exchanging presents.

Presents we made for them as they held guns to the back of our heads.

The two guards that are here, we approach and offer our own gifts.

They think it’s a trap and point their guns at us.

“No,” we say. “It’s Christmas. Enjoy.”

They put down their guns, unwrap the gifts, and we attack them as quietly as possible.

No alarms. Nobody at the wall.

Make a break for it, elves! We’re free!

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Forty-Three, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was Inspiration!

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

[polldaddy poll=4270309]

And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.

---

Zackmann

Wow, one of my shows won the Emmy. I knew cross-genre fiction had become popular but
I never expected this. Thanks to my staff. Thank you Jonathon and Gary of Notes Form
Coode Street for whatever you said that inspired me to write Stargate CSI, StarShip CSI, and
CSI Mars Station. I also want to thank Frank Darabont for making some very talented writers
available to help me with three of this years Emmy nominated shows. Finally , thanks to Justin
Lowmaster and Lawrence Simon for getting me into drabbles since awards ceremonies now
limit acceptance speeches to 100 words long.

Dave

“Feeling inspired yet?” she asked with a smirk in her voice.
“That’s not really helping,” I groaned, wiping the last remnants of sleepy glue from my eyes.
“Oh, I’m sorry ’bout that,” she purred. “Is there something I could do to help you get your creative juices flowing this morning?”
“Well, that is in your job description isn’t it?, I croaked semi-rhetorically, with a tinge of pathetic hope in my voice.
“Ok,” she replied. “Do you want to do this the hard way, or will you roll your lazy ass over?”
I sighed, opened my laptop, and began writing.

Helen

You inspired me with thousands of words written to make sure I never fell backwards.  You helped me fight the deepest sadness, and depression.  You grabbed me, stood me in front of a mirror, and said, “Look at yourself Helen, you cannot give-up or give in if you give-up then everyone else wins.”

Your heart flutters like butterfly wings.  You have faced far worse situations, far worse conditions, and far worse heartaches. You wrote the book on inspiration, look at the beggar on the corner with no home at all.

Breathe, endure, believe, smile, and love …

Tom

I want to be the first zombie president.

Inspiration I bring you

Be more that the sum of your dissociating parts

I seek your undefined attention

Yes we can

Yes can can can

If elected I promise a brain in every pot and

Pot in every brain.

If elected I promise a ban on shotguns

Spear guns flame throwers

Axes lawn shears

And crochet hooks.

If you are tired of that pack of fake zombie

Wannabes drolling on excessively about health care

Elect a real rotter.

God Bless the arm I’m crewing on

And God Bless the United States of America

Justin

Back in the seventies when Games Workshop was beginning, they had an office, and therefore couldn’t afford an apartment, so they lived in a van until they could afford both. They started distributing TSRs game Dungeons and Dragons and this really pushed Games Workshop forward. When TSR wanted to buy Games Workshop, or stop distributing through them, Games Workshop decided to hold their ground, and Warhammer was born. Amidst all this, they made the Fighting Fantasy books, a sort of role-playing adventure you played in a book. I want to make a choose your own adventure style interactive fiction game.

Steven

She kicks me out of bed, rumpled rolling tangle onto the cold floor.
I cover my face as the cheap pen and notepad arc over the edge of the
mattress.

My voice is a croak. “Now?”

She looks over the comforter. “Yes.”

I have fifteen hundred words when she leaves. She rotates among us.
“Write,” she commands. “Write.”

We write until our fingers bleed. We have to.

I was the first to discover she didn’t like alcohol. As I drank and
smoked hand-rolled cigarettes, she snorted at me.

“You and Hemingway,” she said. I ginned, free of the muse.

TJ

We had to call it the Inspiron processor because some other company had
already called their processor the Inspiration. What they’d actually
done is torn a transistor radio apart and stuck the various components
together with the innards of a calculator into a piece of green plastic.
It burst into flames after like five calculations but because their
uncle actually worked in the patent office or something, “the
Inspiration” predated ours by three days. We take consolation in the
fact that we know how to build computers, and certainly the gajillion
dollars our processor made helps to ease the pain.

Norval Joe

Ashton’s writer’s block was so persistent that the once prolific author hadn’t penned a single story in ten years. He even considered taking Viagra since it always helped when he lacked sufficient romantic inspiration.
Wallowing in self pity he watched old movies on Net Flicks, day and night until he came upon “Forest Gump”.
Ashton hit the streets in a brand new pair of running shoes. It worked for Forest, it could work for him. Just yards from his home he tripped on uneven ground and plowed into the dirt head first.
He stumbled back home to try the viagra.

Planet Z

If you toast my health, toast my bad health.

I am allergic to many things, and when I am not careful, welts and sores open up along my thighs.

To some, they would seem a burden, but to me they are an inspiration.

All of my paintings, poetry, music, and sculpture are a result of examining and exploring the revolting landscapes on my legs.

The only form of art that does not benefit from my malady is dance.

Instead of being inspired to dance, I do my best to stay as still as I can to avoid chafing and infection.

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Forty-Two, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was Playing Doctor!

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

[polldaddy poll=4236104]

And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.

---

Tom

“Want to play Doctor.” he slyly said

“Let’s check those vitals” she wryly replied removing a thermometer from her med bag.

As the light ran along the glass rod a disturbing thought crossed his mind.

“That’s not oral is it?” “Nope, but actuate”

“You sure have a talent for killing the moment”.

“What’s amatter pookie don’t want to play Doctor any more?”

“Not if it’s going to involve foreign objects. I am no longer in the mood.”

“Aha come on. we could play the little match girl and the salami salesman.”

“Ok but I get to be Giuseppe this time.”

Zackmann

Hello, Realtor ? I need to move away from my crazy neighbors. I told them, I am not a doctor, I
only play one on TV. Their kid was sick and they gave him the medicine from my ad. Then they
were angry with me when the medicine didn’t work. What did they expect, when I said I was not
a real doctor right in the commercial? I need it by October because I got that part as a zombie
in The Walking Dead and I really don’t want to take the chance of them blowing my brains out.

Steven

I read a chapter of the self-help book, then the entirety of _Fear and
Loathing in Las Vegas_. It’s a potent combination: 12-step uppers
with sentence fragment gonzo hallucinogens.

The arthritis pains come with the first real snows, beautiful stabbing
aches as white flakes. Pain induced insomnia turns everything into
buzzing noise. I read another self help chapter, and see myself, my
patterns in the book. Then I mainline British science fiction.

Is love always portrayed as codependence?

I watch Fight Club again instead of staring at her picture.

I wonder if self-medication always feels like this.

Danny

Once upon a time, playing doctor as a child was innocent enough. You show me yours, I’ll show you mine. A child’s innocent curiosity is satisfied, too young to understand the meaning of sex, or the harm of having an innocent question answered. Fast forward to today. Children who dare play doctor today can look forward to a small army of state workers removing them from their homes, placing their parents in jail, putting them through counseling, and labeling them sexual predators for the rest of their lives, as if they are adults preying on children. Our age of innocence is over.

Jeffrey

“The term practice has never really instilled any confidence you know doc?”
“Jake, you are not going to go all fraidy-cat on me now are you?”
“I’m just saying.”
“Alright then, just sit here in the chair, and I will tighten the straps.”
“Are you sure you have to strap me down.”
“I don’t want you to accidentally move and have something go wrong.”
“‘I guess that make sense. Doc, how many times have you done this?”
“Oh many.” He flipped the switch, Jake twitched, once and started to smoke. “Maybe I should’ve told him I was just playing doctor.”

Justin

Christopher and Pip sat at the table, looking bored.

Christopher sat up with an idea.

“Let’s play Doctor!”

“OK, what do we do?”

“Come on, into this fort I built.”

“Since when do Doctors have forts?”

“Well, it’s a fort, but pretend it’s the Doctor’s home. It’s kind of a fort.”

“Why would I go to the doctor’s home and not his office?”

“What? He has an office? I never saw one. Here’s his gear. What time should we go?”

“Go where, and what’s this stuff? Why are there headphones on this screwdriver?”

“That’s his sonic screwdriver. It does everything!”

TJ

It had to be ironic on some level. Laramie, backstage, snogging with
Deedee Feetch while understudying for Doc Feetch in the lead role of the
community theater production of “Playing Doctor.” Doc Feetch was
called away on a fake emergency Laramie had called into the hospital
across town. So… Laramie was taking a break from playing a fake doctor
in “Playing Doctor” for a real doctor so as to play doctor with the
doctor’s wife while the real doctor was off playing doctor somewhere
on a doctored call… when an audience member fainted. Is there a doctor
in the house?

Norval Joe

All Marcus ever wanted was to help people.
As a child he was always playing doctor.
He lived in a poor, crowded neighborhood, so the imaginary illness were often obscure and complex.
He joined a make-believe Independent Provider’s Network to compete with the HMO’s, but reimbursements were so low it was difficult to pay off his student loans.
After a failed plastic surgery he had to pay Joey Swartz a weeks worth of lunch money to avoid a lawsuit.
When he graduated college he became a lobbyist for a drug company, the only way to make money in medicine anymore.

Planet Z

I live in a small town.

We’re all close. Real close.

At the end of the year, we put on a show.

This year, I’m the sheriff.

Sheriff’s playing the judge.

Judge’s playing the doctor.

Doc’s playing Postman Joe.

Everybody’s a part of it, playin’ everybody else.

Ain’t nobody in the audience but cameras.

(I told you I live in a small town.)

When we’re done, we turn off the cameras, put the tapes in the players, and watch ourselves bein’ each other.

If we haven’t had a fight durin’ the play, well, this is when the claws come out.

…
…
…

And here’s my entry for Steven’s contest:

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Forty-One, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was It seemed like a good idea at the time…!

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

[polldaddy poll=4198944]

And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.

---

Craig

What these “nut bin” clowns don’t know, is that I am close to befriending a telekinetic embodiment of Christ, in the ward and very near my escape. Tranny-psychopath left an archipelago of revolting milky stains on my bed during recreation group. Endure this…refocus on laundry cart.

Psychiatric meds are inflicting torpidity in all of us inmates; even the geniuses sleep. Spattered feces in the halls…. Holy shit; perverted apes must be getting ready to prey on me. I’m scared… no security on shift except nurses.

Concealed, in the laundry cart ­­­– I deserted Jesus and escaped!

“Medication time… doctor? Doctor Yoon…?

Danny

Summer 1987, time for our annual college rafting trip. I’m introduced to a cute girl, I just had to impress her. Grabbing the rope of a homemade swing along the river’s edge, I jump from the height of a 3 story building. With a drought causing the river to be unusually low that year, I miss the water, instead smashing into the rocks of the river bank. My right leg, cleanly broken, all ligaments of my ankle, completely torn. All to impress a woman who married someone else less than 6 months later. Hey, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

AM Earley

“Listen,” Don said defensively, “We all know this marriage isn’t going to last six months.”

Kelly’s response was to grab the scruff of her cousin’s neck and forced him out of the hotel.

Wil looked at the other woman who was barring his and Don’s way. “Don’t bother calling the cops,” Darla stated. “They are already inside.” Wil looked in the ball room and confirmed five important members of the law inside.

As he picked up Don off the side walk, Wil didn’t question offering his services in divorce proceedings at a rehearsal dinner. He did wonder if he should have given his business card to the two mothers of the couple.

Jeffrey

After all what is wrong with a little D and D game. I mean we
all love it, and who wouldn’t, the roll of the dice, the hit
counts, the nine grown men all with duct-tape on some part of
their attire. It was a great time until the screaming
started, and the midwife sent the rest of them home. How was
I to know that she was a level 11 dungeon master. Now the
guys say they don’t want to play at our house any more. But
the midwife invited us to her place, so it all worked out.

Tom

When I was young I heard tell of a cowboy who took off all his clothes ran head long into a cactus patch. Upon extraction he was asked why on earth he did it. His replied “It seemed like a good idea at the time.” Last summer my oldest friend from high school was diagnose with a critical heart condition. His resolution to this was a walk down the railroad tracks and waited for an on coming freight. At the wake the family wonder why. I said “It must have seemed like a good idea at the time” Silence ensued.

Steven

I stop typing when Bob’s fetid breath flows into my cubicle. “Write
the good idea episode.”

“Huh?”

“Write where his companion says it seemed like a good idea to
gallavant across time and space in a telephone booth – but they miss
their regular boring day job and regular boring life.”

“Already?”

Bob nods. “There’s discontent. People are starting to want more from
their lives. Time for their hero to say that regular boring lives
are… important.”

“Time for him to lie again.”

“Exactly. Allonz-y!”

“On whose authority?”

A pepperpot’s shadow slides past my door.

“The highest authority. The highest.”

Zackmann

We thought cashing in on the Snowman Offsets was a good way too get rich. Hiring farmers
in winter to make snowman when they couldn’t work in the fields, Great Idea. At least until
someone discovered Snowmancromancy and used the snowmen to take over the world. Okay
just the northern states and Canada. One day the snowmen became self aware and stopped
taking orders. Snowmen put us in this igloo prison. We are hoping escape will be aided by an
early spring. After escaping, we could go inside Leavenworth for our crimes but at least we
would be warm.

TJ 1

On the plus side, it had quieted them down immensely.

Four fussy kids packed up on a cross-country car trip quickly got on
their dad’s nerves, and by day three his nerves were clinically
jangled.

So it’s easy to see the logic of dropping them in a safe place while
he and his wife stepped across the way for a quiet, sophisicated meal in
an upscale restaurant.

By and by, that silence became deafening. They hurried across to
discover that, as it turns out, four kids playing hide-and-seek can hide
themselves pretty darn well in the Museum of Natural History.

TJ 2

Bread in the ficus. Nearly a week’s worth of damp newspaper, and a few
half-filled spray bottles and water pistols. Rice crunching everywhere.
Noisemakers scattered among discarded clothing and — perhaps most
disturbingly — a black corset dangling from the chandelier.

Fortescue regretted their staging a local production of “Rocky Horror
Picture Show” as a fundraiser for the opera house — not to mention,
volunteering the Opera House. “Think of the fun! Think of the irony!”
he’d said.

Now all he could think of was the gallons of Febreeze, and the priest
he’d probably have to call in to exorcize it.

DJ

His toes gripped the smooth vine as he squeezed through the tunnel into the Temple. The priest waited at the entrance to the Alter; they bobbed to each other, dewlaps inflating in mutual respect.

He entered the impenetrable darkness.

There was a flash.

He found himself on a bony claw. Glancing back, he saw a black-hooded skull and froze in panic — but it only nodded and gently flicked its hand. He spread his wings to steady himself.

He had wings! Death forgotten, he launched into the air. He laughed, and a gout of flame burst from his mouth….

Norval Joe

The wind was cool and comforting as it blew across his sweaty forehead and through his golden curls.
Everyone had said as he grew, his chubby red cheeks made his face cherubic. Wings would be handy, right then, as he clung to the steeple at the top of the skyscraper.
People milled about, hundreds of yards below, on the street, unaware the masked crime fighter spied from above.
A gang of criminals broke the window of a jewelry store, grabbed as many diamond necklaces as they could hold and ran off.
Too high above help, Flypaper man could only watch.

Planet Z

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

A new fuel source that was rich in energy, cheap to produce, and portable.

What could possibly go wrong?

The world quickly adopted it, and technology advanced by leaps and bounds.

But after a while, what was marketed as a perfect solution turned out to be dangerous to the environment and increasingly expensive to produce.

Still, in the face of cleaner and renewable alternatives, humans refused to give up their oil economies.

War, famine, and death spread across the globe, and the few hardy survivors cursed their greedy and shortsighted ancestors.

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Forty, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was Holiday!

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

[polldaddy poll=4160663]

And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.

---

Zackmann

The hog looked scared. He had a that horrified and appalled look in his eyes like a person
reading a sick horror novel gets. I think he knows what the presidential pardon meant for him.
No one would pardon him and he was innocent of everything. You think that politicians would
have more respect for his kind but no they always want to cut their pork or put lipstick on them.
The hog knew when the president pardoned those stupid useless turkey, it was his hammy ass
on the line.
What do you think they where going to serve, eggplant?

My least favorite holiday is a celebration of treating people like cattle in a line to the slaughter
mixed with some bait and switch. It celibates commercialism at its worst.
It starts with the decorative paper mailed out to the unsuspecting public with the lies of cheap
electronic devices that conveniently won’t be in the stores, then tricking otherwise intelligent
people to stand in line for what seems like forever and finally the merchants chanting their
condolences of “Sorry, we have none in the back”. It happens every year with few wise enough
to stay home on Black Friday.

AM Earley

General stores with Christmas starting in July – bad. Specialty stores for holiday décor all year round – good. With this in mind we present to you:

Happy Everything.

In addition to the regular one holiday each décor, we provide cross décor. This is especially great when you don’t have time to change décor each month. We have shamrock valentines, Easter bunnies carrying jack-o-lanterns, and fireworks for every cultures’ New Years and nations’ Independence Days. Our spinning trees have fours sides of decor so you can have a different side facing the window each season. And our resin “Happy Everything” statue can stay outside all year long and represent everything.

Come on in we’ll show you.

Tom

My first truly adult job was during the holiday season of 1970. They needed extra check out clerks at the locale E. J. Korvetts. The garden/ hardware department had three cash registers stations. The last station was literally the last station in the department chain. It spent all but 2 weeks under a gray velt cover thus it was shinny and new but more important it ran smoothly and didn’t jab up. Night Floor mangers hated this station. It had the only cash draw with a three key lock. That meant three mangers had to be present at closing time.

Katwood

I love spending the holidays with my family. We all gather at my house, needing a few tables lined up end to end to fit everyone. The friendly fights over food, the good natured teasing and tormenting and then the after dinner activities. (Snowball fights if it’s cold enough, paintball wars if it’s not) The real fun, however, is preparing the food. We all work in concert to get it done on time, making sure everything is at its best. We do always have to make sure that we get all of the bullet fragments out of the meat, though.

Danny

The Holidays. Time for the only prodigal son to return home to his elderly parents, married for 62 years, something you often don’t see in this day and age. Time to reflect. Despite the failed business, the pending foreclosure, the persistent health problems, the uncertainty of my future, what do I have to be grateful for? To be able to sit down and have dinner with my parents over the holidays, to share great times together, along with my Maltese, Danny, the real Dwyer, life isn’t so bad. It carries on, despite the hardships, I’m damn lucky to be alive.

Steven

“How do you decide which direction to pray?”

Abdul shrugged, floating in the starship cabin. “Towards Earth.
Close enough, I guess.” He rolled up his mat and looked at Joseph.
“How do you decide when it’s the Sabbath? Do you use Greenwich Mean
Time?”

Joseph laughed at his station. “Of course not. You use Jerusalem time.”

Mary looked over her shoulder. “Both of you hush. It’s Christmas today.”

The men glanced at each other, then her. “Relativistic time
distortion,” they said together.

The ship dropped out of FTL. Earth shone before them.

“You’re all wrong,” Sarah said. “It’s Homecoming Day.”

TJ

The six bowls of chocolate pudding sat covered on the windowsill. The
children dusted the Highest Places They Could Reach while the ceremonial
chicken chow mein was prepared and ladled over rice. As they ate, they
recounted their favorite memories of the past year, which mom would
include in the Christmas letter. Then the pudding was eaten during the
traditional watching of “The Princess Bride,” after which dad headed
out and fired up the snow blower.

Yes, the First Blizzard of the Year was irritating in other ways, but
Sarah’s family had found a way to make it a holiday.

Norval Joe

My grand mum from England lived with our family when I was growing up. She had a lot of unusual expression she liked to use. Some were embarassing, like the one, “Keep your pecker up” that somehow actually ment “Keep smiling.”
She used one expression when she would rearange the furniture, which seemed to happen way too often. She would say “A change is as good as a holiday.”
She didn’t mean a holiday like Christmas. She called a vacation, like visiting second cousins in Bakersfield, a holiday.
Best Holiday we ever had was when she moved back to England.

Planet Z

The Museum hired me to collect concert and theater footage.

They send me back in time to record the greats before they were great, or who came before recording was possible.

Lilian Russell on Broadway.
Mozart in Vienna.
Shakespeare at The Globe.

I’ve seen them all.

And, so have you.

Every now and then, I get to pick my assignments.

Jesus and Caesar are still beyond our reach for the moment, but Henry Clay’s orations are not to be missed.

And then, an evening in the Cabaret with Billie Holiday.

Lady sings the blues, and I ride the chronostream again.