User

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Andrew Ian Dodge berates a user…

Are you user or friend
or someone on whom I can depend
Are we disposable
Merely to be acceptable?
When will you learn
You’ll end up in a berm
Pissed away all your mates
Left with only those you hate
Do you treat all like this
Or Am I just a special case
Are we there for you to diss
Just hurdles in the race
When will you learn
Pissed away all your mates
Left with only those you hate
We exist for your pleasure
It’s all about how we measure
Babe you don’t burn bridges
You fucking daisy-cutter em’

I’ll take two daisycutters, please.

March

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Andrew Ian Dodge looks at an upcoming Muslim rally in London with apprehension…

Londoners look to Feb 18th with fear and dread; wondering if they are safe to tread… in their city. We look back at the rally last Friday and the message we saw; wondering if those Muslims marching this time will take them to heart. Calling for all our deaths and torture does not encourage faith in their wanting to be good neighbours. Moderates using Nazi propaganda to rant against Jews does not inspire either. Will next week help convince us that British Muslims can live in a civilised society or will it be more of the same? It’s their call.

As the waves get bigger, watch for the hurricane to make landfall.

Closin

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Andrew Ian Dodge gets a bit dark here for a bit…

Darkness comes for me, trying to envelope me
To take me away, into a black void
Foreboding images cloud my mind, never leaving me behind
A gathering doom mine alone,
Such constant gathering drone
It stalks me night & day, No matter where I may be
Ever closer all the time, mocking me with doom
This fate is mine alone, everywhere I roam
Will follow me always, until it catches me some day
To the hills in darkness, I will be led,
Matching my reality, with all my mental calamity
To the hills in darkness, I will be led

Wow. I’m so uplifted and happy now!

Mauled

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Andrew Ian Dodge continues the beat poetry stories today with Mauled

You had to get involved
No matter what the cost
Who cares if feelings get mauled?
You don’t care about that
You think you got what you wanted
But in the end it’s a chalice
A poisoned one at that
One that will tear you apart
When it all goes to hell
You will plead you didn’t know
But ultimately you will pay
What goes around, comes around
Fate has a bite ready for thee
I don’t hate you my friend
I pity your ultimate fate
Everyone will soon learn the truth
And you’ll be the one to get burned

I’ll remember this one.

Circling the bowl

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“Where’s your story?” asked Guido, adjusting his glasses and reloading the page. “One story a day, come hell or high water, right?”
“Didn’t feel like writing one,” said Laurence, shrugging.
“Didn’t you pick the theme?” asked Guido.
“Yeah,” said Laurence. “I just… you know… something’s missing.”
Guido looked at his nephew’s bloodshot eyes. “You don’t look so good,” he said. “Getting enough sleep?”
“It’s not that,” said Laurence. “It’s the inspiration. It’s missing.”
“Well, if the site hasn’t completely flushed away, it’s certainly circling the bowl,” said Guido.
Laurence nodded. “Maybe tomorrow will be different?”
Guido shrugged. “Maybe it will.”

Fey

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Who’s the butchest guy in the world? Not Andrew Ian Dodge, apparently…

I ain’t the butchist fellow going
Not the best at the ole’ pullin’
But that is the way it goes
Why get uptight any more?
Not gay, but not exactly straight
How do you go about finding mates
So what if wankers think you’re gay
So why get upset anyway?
After all it’s okay to be fey
And befuddle others along the way
Camp as hell, so what
Viva la difference et al
Queer eye and all that lot
Trying to make men what they’re not
Fake metros ain’t so cool
Cause they try so hard to be a dude

Yes, but you’ll always be more manly than me.

Later flight

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Despite a running through the terminal like O.J. Simpson, I was late.
I remember pounding on the door and yelling at the gate attendants to stop the plane.
They didn’t. Instead, they stopped me.
“I gotta be in New York by five or I lose the client!” I shouted.
“Then you should have been here by two-thirty,” grumbled the cop as he handcuffed me.
Two hours later, they opened my holding cell.
“The plane went down over Indiana,” said a guard. “You’re the luckiest man on earth.
I called the client to explain, but luck only goes so far.
Bastards.

Llama (Story One)

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Jim S. begins a saga of lamas…

It surprised me when I received the phone call from the director that I should report to brig #6. Ever since the humans had eradicated the earth, there wasn’t too much call for us legal-types on the orbital station. It wasn’t like there was a lot of room or motivation to get into trouble up here. I’d prepared a single defense, which basically consisted of a pre-formatted apology and it had done the trick every time so far.
A short time later, I was sitting with a scrawny, bespectacled scientist named Drienon.
Then he began to tell me his story…

This appears to be continued.

Llama (Story Two)

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Jim S. has a little too much fun with llamas.

“You’ve been charged with what?”
“Unnatural acts of perversion.” He said. “It was the peanut butter that did the trick. Resurrecting the llama wouldn’t have been possible without it.”
“Really?” I said, “Do continue…”
“It was an idea I had a while ago. All of the DNA samples from every species have been stored up here since before the humans destroyed the earth. They’re obviously here so someone can resurrect the species made extinct by the humans’ stupidity. I figured I’d give it a try. It almost worked, too… until the police arrived.”
THIS was going to be a challenge.

Um… okay.

The Wacky Adventures Of Abraham Lincoln 47

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Abe’s first State of the Union Address didn’t end with God Bless America. Instead, it ended with “Man, this is dull.”
The next year, he gave his address while wrestling a bear. Three hours to finish the address, and the bear. It would have been quicker if not for applause breaks.
The year after that, he sang it with a full orchestra. Sadly, the sheet music never made it into the Congressional Record.
After that, he did a Punch and Judy show.
After Lincoln died, Andrew Johnson went back into The House to give his address.
What a dull man.