Bottle by Jeffrey

A Cup of Pretension
by Jeffrey Fischer

I’ve liked coffee ever since that fateful morning in graduate school when, bleary-eyed and heading for class, I poured a cup of Maxwell House from the department’s automatic drip machine. I’ve upgraded my taste in beans a little – Dunkin’ Donuts, regular and decaf mixed 50-50, is the Fischer house specialty – and bought a nicer drip maker, but it’s essentially the same stuff.

Out in the broader world, though, people have gone nuts. First there was Starbucks and its “baristas,” which allowed them to charge three bucks for over-roasted beans. Now there are ultra-pretentious places, such as Blue Bottle, that make a fetish out of pouring a simple cup of joe – and charge north of six bucks for the privilege.

As for me: I have a machine in my office.

Anger Management
by Jeffrey Fischer

Ten-year-old Timmy was told not to bottle up his emotions. “What does that mean?” he asked. “Well, if you feel angry or sad or happy, don’t keep it inside you; let other people know how you feel.” The next day, Timmy felt happy, so he smiled at everyone. His teachers thought he was creepy. The following day, Timmy felt sad, so he cried all day. His friends shunned him. That made Timmy angry, so the third day he took a glass Pepsi bottle and smashed it over Dave’s head. That made Timmy happy again, and he smiled his creepy smile even as the teachers pulled him away.

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