Stool

Eddie walked into Clancy’s, looking for an empty seat. There – next to that platinum blonde with the Cosmo! Maybe she wasn’t a Working Girl. Riiight.
“Ah wouldn’t sit down theah effen Ah wuz yew.”
The warning came from the end of the bar. Strange little guy, clad in buckskins, sporting a coonskin cap, reeking of pine.
“I’ll sit wherever the fuck I want, Mark Trail.”
With that, Eddie slid onto the barstool. It shattered into flinders, dumping him unceremoniously to the floor.
“H-h-how’d you know?”
“Name’s Dan’l Boone, and Ah know more about B’ar Stools than jest about anybody.”