The Wacky Adventures Of Abraham Lincoln 47

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Abe’s first State of the Union Address didn’t end with God Bless America. Instead, it ended with “Man, this is dull.”
The next year, he gave his address while wrestling a bear. Three hours to finish the address, and the bear. It would have been quicker if not for applause breaks.
The year after that, he sang it with a full orchestra. Sadly, the sheet music never made it into the Congressional Record.
After that, he did a Punch and Judy show.
After Lincoln died, Andrew Johnson went back into The House to give his address.
What a dull man.

Deeds

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Okay, so it’s late by a day. I was busy with… other things.
And now, Andrew Ian Dodge:

Talk is cheap or so it’s said
Instead of whingeing, get off the bed
And stop bitching how you are led
Theory is all the fine & dandy
For those who sit around like a pansy
Nothing is done by sitting on your duff
Vamping & posing around in a huff
Time is short & the end is nigh
Freedom comes only for those willing to die
Cry & cry as you might,
but change comes from those willing to fight
Preaching from your chair is all fine & good
But it won’t change anything, for you & your brood

I wonder who he’s talking about.

The Amazing Moldini

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The theme was a White Rabbit, which I blew off because it came way too late and I’d already written something. However, Jim S. the Folderman was up to the challenge!

TA-DUM!
For the 3,627,122nd time, “The Amazing Moldini” pulled the bloody white rabbit out of the hat.
This time was slightly different, though. The rabbit really was bloody. He’d been calling it “that bloody rabbit” for so long that it actually didn’t register at first. It was a little hard to ignore the pregnant silence that descended right after the impressed sigh that he was so used to.
Looking up at the bloody carcass, he sighed. To think, he’d actually thought that being the “house show” at the Broadview Retirement Home was the absolute lowest that his career could sink…

Go ask Alice!

The Letter Q

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This podcast of a Jim S. the Folderman has been brough to you by the letter Q…

Why does it seem like everything is brought to you by the letter “Q”?
“A” gets a bum rap if you ask me. It is first and foremost among the letters and yet that damned “Q” gets all that attention. It’s not fair, I say. And a good marketing campaign is essential to rectify the problem.
Obviously, “A” didn’t think it would need a good publicist and manager. It forgot that the first is often the quickest to fade from memory and quite blatantly relied on advice from a manager who was already making the quick bucks on “Q”’s career.

A’s manager sounds like my agent.

Dane

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Andrew Ian Dodge jumps on the whole Danish Cartoon Kerfuffle…

Its pretty amazing that so much trouble is being caused by just 12 cartoons from a tiny country called Denmark. Muslim countries in the world are shocked at the testicular fortitude of Danish leaders. It seems clear that the Muslim bully-boys don’t realise that Danes come from Viking stock. The more Muslims threaten Danes with violence and boycott’s the more united they become. Its also interesting to see that many European countries are backing Denmark; not so surprising the EU is backing the Muslim countries. I urge all of you to buy Danish often and stand up for free speech!

Um… er… okay.
Is Pez Danish?

Shadowplay

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There’s this bar Downtown that features exotic dancers, but they are only visible behind backlit scrims. The patrons are treated to the erotic display of shadows, while the owners can claim that the patrons aren’t actually seeing the nude performers.
Nothing is exposed, no flesh is visible at all. Technically, everything’s legal, and everybody’s happy.
Well, not everybody. There’s always somebody.
They balked, claiming some kind of harm, demanding that they stop the titillating shows at once.
The bar owner refused to back down and fought them in court.
After extensive and painstaking research by the judge, the owner won.

It wasn’t a simple exit from a carnie ride

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Jim S. takes the carnival ride exit sign theme to its fun conclusion…

It wasn’t a simple exit from a carnie ride.
To her, it was a vision, an epiphany, if you will. Her entire life had been spent building up to this moment. On the other side of that flashy, impressive “EXIT” sign was a new life.
She’d followed, unhappily in her mother’s footsteps and enlisted in the carnie lifestyle. Every step of the way, she’d dreaded it, UNTIL today. Today’s events had changed everything. This time she meant it. It was about time for her to be out of here.
So, without further adieu, the bearded lady stepped through the exit.

You go, girl!

Trashman

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You thought you could hide from me.
You were wrong.
Every morning, I want to see her there, feel her touch.
You took her away from me, left her under a garbage heap.
Her hand in mine. Her other hand. Her foot.
Torn to pieces By you.
I want to see you bleed, but the years have taken their toll. I am blind now.
I will have to satisfy myself with feeling the warm, slick blood running down your throat.
Maybe I will taste it, seeking the flavor of your rapidly ending life.
I want to see you bleed.
Forever.

Growing Old Disgracefully

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He’s our generation’s Kurt Cobain, but without the huge holes in his head… it’s Andrew Ian Dodge!

Old enough to know better
Just too young to care
Old enough to know better
Too damn drunk to care
Growing Old Disgracefully
Beats dying young & innocent
Growing up does not mean
Working hard all day
worrying about keeping lean
Or if you are going all grey
Bald, white or silver hair
You can still rock like hell
No need to be in despair
Until they ring da final bell.
Death comes to you whatever
Being boring don’t make you last
We are by the grace of
Whatever or whomever let’s us stay alive
Why bother sitting & praying

I’m holding up a lit cigarette lighter.

It has been a long night

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Jim S. The Folderman comes up with an odd story about a birthday surprise…

It had been a long night. Since it was my birthday today, I hadn’t minded spending the night with those “buddies” from Xylon-7. They were quite hospitable, as usual, it’s just that I tend to “forget” certain parts of the night after a few rounds of Driamian ale.
Like the time they probed me, just to make use of that Earth-cliché. I didn’t remember it until the video was playing on the main view-screen in the office a week later. Ha-ha… very funny.
Only Xylon knows what “fun” event from last night will turn up on the view-screen next week!

Happy birthday, Jim!