I never understood the story Puss In Boots.
I’ve never seen a cat walking around in boots.
However, I’ve owned a cat that pissed on my boots.
Maybe whoever wrote Puss In Boots had a cat that pissed on their boots, and they rubbed the cat’s nose in the pissed-on boots until the idea came to them for a Puss In Boots.
Probably not.
When my cat pissed on my boots, I came up with the idea for a boot rack in my closet, and closing the closet so the cat couldn’t get in there to piss on them again.
Tag: silly
Frolic
I like to watch webcams which show baby zoo animals, but only when the zoo animals are cute and playful.
Don’t point cameras at ugly things. I don’t want to look at ugly things.
And don’t point cameras at things that aren’t playful. Might as well watch a photograph.
When a cute animal is sleeping, I want to tap the screen and shout “WAKE UP SO I CAN WATCH YOU FROLIC PLAYFULLY!”
But that’s useless.
So, I called a friend at the zoo, and they pointed an air horn at the panda.
Thank goodness there’s no audio with this feed.
Post-Lunch Coma
The company I work for provides a catered lunch every day.
I thought this would impact my productivity, because the lunch selections are heavy fare and cause the staff to fall into “post-lunch comas.”
“Not so,” says management. “This is a deliberate strategy. You see, before we provided lunch, employees had been making their dumbest mistakes around noon. Now, by us providing a heavy lunch, everybody ends up in a groggy state together. Instead of making dumb mistakes, employees nap. Then, once they wake up from their stupor, they’re good to go.”
And all ready to make smart mistakes.
Twins
Back during my dating days, I dated a woman with an identical twin sister.
But it didn’t work out.
Sure, the sex was great, and she was funny and smart, but her sister was jealous and tried to break us up.
Then, she impersonated her sister, and it totally sent things over the edge.
I didn’t realize what I’d done until the next morning, when I saw the butterfly tattoo on her left hip instead of her right.
Or was it supposed to be on her left hip?
“As if I care,” I said, and we did it again.
Twice.
The Wolves
I am being chased by wolves.
How many wolves, I’m not sure, because I am running from them as fast as I can, and I haven’t yet had the opportunity to turn around and count them.
I could try to run backwards, but I wouldn’t be able to dodge any oncoming obstacles.
I tried to snap a photograph of them to count the wolves, but despite the image stabilizing feature on this smartphone, the picture is too blurry to count the wolves.
However, based on several photographs, I can tell that they are gaining on me.
I must run faster.
Bank Evolution
When I was young, you had to cash a check at the issuing bank and then deposit the cash at your bank.
When the check interchange system was created, you could deposit a check at your own bank without fuss, but you still had to fill out a deposit slip.
Eventually, banks eliminated the deposit slips, because when they knew who you are, they knew your account.
Now, you can snap a photo of a check with the bank’s smartphone application, and they’ll handle it all electronically.
I hope the check clears quickly, because I need a new smartphone soon.
Keyboard Error
In high school, we used Macintoshes. We learned how to use a mouse and copy-paste things in word processors.
There were Macs in college, too. I got quite handy with the fan key and X for cut, C for copy, and so on.
My first job was in a Windows shop. The Control key did the commands.
For almost 20 years, I’ve been using Windows and Control-C for copy, Control-V for paste.
Now, I’m in a Mac shop. It’s fan-C for copy.
I am trying, but I keep hitting the wrong keys.
At least my head hits the desk correctly.
Bed Bath and Be A Good Worker Bee
I started a new job recently. It is in an office building next to a Bed Bath and Beyond.
Despite the high prices, we get a lot of coupons for them in the mail.
This means I can pick up decorations and stuff for my new desk while getting things for home.
However, I need to be careful that I don’t mix them up.
Although I’m sure some of my coworkers could use some time with a loofah and lavender body wash, and I’m certain the cats would really like to have another desk lamp to knock over and break.
Timing Is Everything
The new iPhone will be available next week, but the one I have now is falling apart.
The home button takes a few pushes to work. And the lock button on the top doesn’t work at all. Either I plug the phone in to wake it up, or turn off Auto-Lock and leave the screen on constantly.
I bought the extended warranty, but it ran out a week ago.
Right before all these problems came up.
My friends say that Apple products are brilliantly engineered.
I’d agree, if the old one failed just as I was buying the new one.
Fiddlers Zero
Old King Cole was a merry old soul, but not any more.
Rebellion in the colonies had cut off the shipments of tobacco, so his cherished pipe and bowl lay empty.
And he’d caught one of his fiddlers fiddling around with the queen.
“Execute all three!” shouted Cole.
The musician’s guild refused to send any more musicians to the castle.
Well, except for Angus McPherson, who played the bagpipes, but Cole rejected the offer.
Angus stayed in the guild hall, practicing Amazing Grace all day long.
All. Day. Long.
So they spread a rumor that he was fucking the queen.