We walk along the path, looking for the house.
They colored the building green so it would blend in with the trees around it.
Curtains were cut short so nobody could hide behind them.
He watched movies alone so nobody could see him laugh. Or cry.
Emotions were something he didn’t feel appropriate to share.
Carpets were removed from the hardwood floors so he could hear people walking up to him.
We walk the halls where Stalin used to walk, in the house where he got away from it all.
From the nightmare that he created for so many others.
Tag: history
Air Force None
No, it’s not true that any aircraft that The President is on receives the designation of Air Force One. It’s the designation of any Air Force airplane.
For instance, the helicopter that ferries him from The White House to Andrews Air Force Base is Marine One.
And the hot air balloon that Professor Moriarty uses to take The President off to his hot tub and Texas Hold ’em weekends is just a hot air balloon.
The President’s a lousy gambler, and he usually ends up handing over a lot of money.
But he can never hand over Air Force One.
Gysin
Brion Gysin told everyone at the Beat Hotel that he could make William Burroughs vanish.
He rigged up a frame with cords, and he placed Burroughs behind it. Then he projected a photo of Burroughs on to Burroughs. The cords blocked some of the projection.
Gysin rolled the focus on the projection for a few minutes, which was hypnotic to the hotel residents.
Burroughs slipped away from his seat and left the room. It looks like he had disappeared.
The audience was stunned. Gysin smiled.
But Burroughs was annoyed. Applauding his disappearance?
He packed his things and left the hotel.
Ex Machina
Greek Theater introduced the concept of Deus ex Machina to the world, where a seemingly impossible task would be resolved by the contrived intervention of something newly-introduced to the plot.
On the other hand, Diabolus ex Machina is when something that is absolutely certain is thwarted by the contrived intervention of something newly-introduced.
Theater-goers hate both of these concepts because they demonstrate sloppy writing and planning by the playwright.
But the Japanese love to put both of these machines in an arena full of flamethrowers and buzzsaws and make them fight.
They also like tentacle porn, those weird Japanese freaks.
Kill Hitler
Let’s go back in time and kill Hitler.
I have a gun.
You have a time machine.
There’s nothing on TV.
And it’s raining. We can’t go out and play.
Unless.
Is the time machine fully charged?
Good. I’ve got bullets for the gun.
Dad left them in the drawer with the gun.
So, we can go back to Germany and kill Hitler.
What?
It’s just a time machine?
It doesn’t travel?
Then we can’t get to Germany to kill Hitler.
Besides, the rain’s stopping. And the worms are coming out of the grass.
We’ll kill them instead.
Stomp! Stomp!
Games Of Thrones
Somebody tried to get me to read Game Of Thrones, but I’m not all that interested in games. Or thrones.
So games with thrones? Doubly-uninteresting.
Do they play Musical Thrones, where the nobles circle the thrones and all try to sit down when the minstrels stop playing? Last person sitting is the new king?
Or do they play checkers with them?
I don’t think they do. Those thrones on the posters look awfully heavy. And some of them have really sharp edges.
Although the nobles could have their servants pick them up and move them around the room.
How boring.
Paleface
Tonto sick of getting shot at.
This time, Tonto hire crazy paleface to put on white hat and ride white horse to draw fire from Tonto.
Hiring Mexican to wear black and ride black horse was mistake, even if Mexican work cheap and use sword.
He go back to Mexico, call himself Zorro now.
Do he once thank Tonto? Hell no.
Tonto sick of getting shot at.
Tonto just want to make enough to go East and write poetry. Maybe wear black beret instead of dead animal on head.
For now, just follow crazy paleface.
From behind. Far, far behind.
Angels Union
The Angels Union Hall was filled to the rafters with angry Heavenly Hosts.
Despite famines, floods, and wars, the humans multiplied rapidly.
“And yet, God hasn’t created more of us to handle the workload,” growled Gabriel.
“Lucifer’s hiring devils and demons,” said Moroni. “Why can’t God hire more angels?”
“What about saints?” asked Michael. “They help, right?”
The boos shook the stained glass windows.
“Ass kisser!” shouted Gabriel.
Eventually, the angels voted to strike.
Some scabs continued to cross the lines. Moroni and Gabriel whispered into the ears of false prophets.
God didn’t give a shit. “Let ’em worship cats.”
Ninja
Picture a ninja in your mind.
He’s wearing a black jumpsuit with a scarf for a mask and swords on his back, isn’t he?
Well, that’s wrong.
Ninja are supposed to be invisible, so they’re not going to wear something that identifies them as an assassin.
Instead, they’re going to wear ordinary clothes so they blend in with the scene.
A suit in a business setting… shorts and a t-shirt at a casual setting…
And, yes. A Mickey Mouse costume at Disneyland.
Or, so I thought.
But in my defense, it’s hard to read the intent of those freaky assholes.
Travel Writer
My friend Hope wishes that someone had told her as a child that she could be a travel writer.
Since my time machine is ready to test, I figured I could slip that into my list.
“I’ll take care of that right before I kill Hitler,” I said, and I flipped the switch.
Several time hops later, I found myself in Austria in 1900.
“Sie können ein Reiseschriftsteller sein,” I said to a young Adolf Hitler.
“Vas is das?” he said.
Uh oh. I got my list mixed up.
I’d better go back and stop myself from killing Hope.