Tag: childhood

Oops

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My kindergarten teacher had a cat named Oops, solid black with a white O on his chest.
She lived next to a maple tree farm, and every year she took classes there to see how syrup was made.
Oops wandered around the woods, but the moment he spotted a class coming through, he’d run off and hide.
That was over thirty years ago, and the teacher is long gone.
The maple syrup farm is gone too, but the trees remain.
A black shadow crosses my path.
After all these years, how can…
I see two glowing red eyes. And…
Oops!

In or Out

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“In or out?” shouted the bully.
The third-graders along the wall lifted up their shirts to show off their bellybuttons.
Today, he was punching the Ins.
Kid after kid, he’d look down and either take a swing at their gut or they’d run away.
The last kid on the wall didn’t lift up his shirt.
So, the bully did it for him.
And saw nothing.
“Test-tuber!” The bully pulled out a knife. “I can fix that.”
The kid pulled out a neurodisruptor and stunned the bully.
“Not test-tube,” said the kid. “Arcturan researchpod.”
He reported the incident and teleported out

Digging To China

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Little Joey’s digging a hole to China in the back yard.
He was watching the historical archives again, found Dennis The Menace, and now he’s digging.
No, he won’t reach China. That’s just silly.
I checked the orbital colony’s schematics for power and communications lines.
Nope. Instead, he’ll reach the drainage and nutrient systems in another meter or so. Then, a bulkhead.
That’s when I noticed the access panel. Leads to a conference room.
Bob Wu found a costume in the theater group’s storage bin.
He’ll welcome Joey to a holographic China, release the sleep-gas, and send him back up.

The Bathroom Police

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It’s not every day you see 200 kids being lectured by a gigantic toilet.
Officer Flushy goes from school to school, teaching kids about the joys of washing hands, conserving toilet paper, and turning in kids to fix up with heroin in the bathrooms.
The program worked for other school districts, so we figured we’d give it a try.
Nobody told Officer Flushy about Big Mike, though.
He’s twenty foot-tall retarded kid from the woods. We think he’s half-giant.
He can’t read or write, but at least we’ve managed to toilet train him.
Much to Officer Flushy’s public, humiliating chagrin.

Easter Aftermath

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Easter is not a holiday I look forward to.
The kids want baby chicks and bunnies, but that the dog might not get along with them.
The dog I walk. And feed.
They cry. I tell them to shut up and go to their rooms.
This year, Joey got special candy, being diabetic and all, but his sister Sally shared some of hers with him.
Instead of hunting for eggs, we rushed to the Emergency Room.
When we got home, the dog had eaten all the chocolate and was lying on the carpet, dead.
Better him that Joey, I thought.

Problem causing

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It’s not easy to teach problem solving skills to kids, but it’s something that they need to learn to get through life.
However, in order for them to solve problems, there need for there to be problems for them to solve.
There’s a problem with that: There are no problems anymore.
Maybe back in the old Twenty-First Century, there were problems, but not now.
However, in case a problem does come up, they need to be able to solve it.
So, we tell them about problems from back then.
And they laugh. Because it’s so absurd.
Try solving that problem.

The Caves

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The hills are full of caverns.
We drew maps as we explored them.
Then, we put them in the computer and watched the image take shape.
Bobby pointed at a blank spot.
“What’s there?” he asked.
We looked over the paper maps. Nothing.
Bobby made notes, and he made it our goal.
“I bet something’s there,” Bobby said.
The passages got tighter and more dangerous. Some underwater.
Then, we came to the iron door.
No writing on it, no marks at all.
It opened.
Two glowing eyes stared at us.
The door slammed shut.
We ran, and never went back.

Clown Fights

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Billy and Bobby live next door to each other. They have the same birthday, too.
That’s caused problems.
You see, Billy and Bobby hate each other. And those feelings boil over when they have their birthday parties.
One year, they each got a pony. Cute, right?
Wrong. It ended up in a jousting duel.
This year, they’ve each got clowns. Bobby slashing Billy’s clown’s tires got things off on the wrong floppy-shoed foot.
The rubber chickens and balloon animals are flying. I’ve seen a few clods of dirt and bricks.
Better bring the cake inside. And get me my shotgun.

Olympic Medalist

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Sally trained hard for years, dreaming of the day that she’d win the gold at the Olympics.
Her family sacrificed so much for her, giving up so much so she’d have the best trainer and the best equipment.
They paid off the Board Of Education so that her training would count as school credits.
No need for math and science when there’s a medal to be won, right?
Which, that summer, she won.
And promptly then fell off the medal podium, shattering her leg.
No endorsements. No career.
Nothing.
For years, she used that medal to scratch off lottery tickets.

Colin Cares

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Does Colin care?
You can’t tell by looking at Colin’s face. He’s always got the same confused expression on his face.
Colin is easily confused.
Snap your fingers, and he’ll turn his head to see what’s the racket.
Set fire to his shoes, and he’ll just watch them, trying to figure out why they’re burning.
“Don’t you care that your shoes are on fire, Colin?” I shout.
Colin just stands there, watching.
I pour a bucket of water on his feet, putting out the flames.
“They’re not my shoes,” mutters Colin. “They’re my roommate’s.”
And he goes back to staring.