Tag: science fiction

Strange Days

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Strange Days are here again.
Everybody’s been shopping for the Strange for weeks now, waiting for the days when the skies change and the world turns on end for what seems like forever.
The problem with the Strange Days is that you never know exactly how things will turn strange.
It makes it hard to shop, but folks don’t need much incentive to go nuts shopping these days.
Especially with Strange Days around the corner.
Are you ready for them?
You are?
Does this mean you know what the Strange Days will bring?
TELL ME! TELL ME!
TELL ME NOW!

Reunion

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I hate dealing with organizing the high school reunions, but as the last classmate corporeal in his original form, I’m stuck with the job.
Rachel’s reincarnated as a squirrel. You know what catching those is like.
Eddie’s a stockbroker now. Hates to get away from the city.
Arthur’s had a lot of bad luck spirit-wise. Lots and lots of mayflies.
One by one, I go down the checklist, and I eventually get a set of addresses for invitations and field teams to pick up specimens.
They’ll joke that I’ve lost weight since college.
Thankfully, disembodied brains in jars can’t blush.

Cruise Ship

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The cruise ship White Diamond has a severe engine misalignment, and it wobbles in timespace.
On its last voyage past Cuba, it wobbled slightly and smashed into its duplicate in a parallel dimension.
Counting survivors, casualties, and the missing isn’t easy when life rafts and bodies float between worlds.
Customs wants to make “twinned” survivors fill out Entry Forms.
Apparently, some nutball in Congress got taxing dimension-travelers attached to a bill a while back, and it got approved.
Problem is, we can’t tell who is a native and who is a twin.
“It’s government,” grumble the captains. “Tax them all.”

The New Weird

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Attention!
In five minutes, we will be releasing The New Weird.
When you receive it, please review the instruction booklet, run all necessary backups, and then install The New Weird.
Should you have any problems installing The New Weird or in the chance that it fails to function normally, then don’t panic – everything is fine.
It is, after all, The New Weird.
In light of the release of The New Weird, support for The Old Weird will end in one month, at which point your Old Weird will automatically become Normal.
Thank you, and please have a Weird Day.

Riding Off

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The bad guys were dead and the town was saved.
We rode our horses into the sunset, whooping and hollering as the lights in the theater came up.
Jason and Leroy were unhooking from their immersion seats, saying how awesome the film was, but Eric just sat in his seat with a glassy stare.
An usher asked if he could be of assistance.
“He’s stuck,” I said.
The usher wiped Eric’s chin with a tissue and snapped his fingers three times.
“He’s stuck alright,” said the usher.
Eric never did wake up.
Sometimes, cowboys just keep riding into that sunset.

Belt Tightening

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Report To Corporate: We don’t like the new General Manager you sent us.
First off, he’s not Spacer. You lied about promoting from within.
Then he says he understands the gravity of the situation, despite this manufacturing facility being in orbit and near-zero gravity.
Next, he says we need to do a little belt-tightening, despite this manufacturing facility being a protected Clothing-Optional Zone.
So, I told the Nudists Union we’re going on strike.
That’s when he asked me if I cared to step outside.
Sure. Here’s the airlock, pal.
His body can be found trailing our facility by 45 seconds.

Heart Stopper

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Would you let Dr. Odd stop your heart for a thousand dollars?
No, it’s not permanent. Just for a minute.
Then, when the minute is over, he starts it right back up.
And you get your thousand dollars.
It would be the easiest money you ever made, right?
As I lay on the table and listen to the machines, I wonder if this is the right thing to do.
Sure, I need the money, but stop my heart for a minute?
Then, it hits me.
“Why are you doing this?” I ask Dr. Odd.
He smiles and flips a switch.

If I Only Had a Lawyer

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Jane and I grabbed the wet Brooks Brothers suit and excused ourselves from the conference room.
“What do we do now?” Jane said. “We need a lawyer!”
I look around, and I noticed a hay bale in the lobby.
“Why is that there?” asks Jane.
“Who cares?” I said. “Let’s try it!”
We fill the suit with straw, chant the spells, and the Scarelawyer leaps to his feet.
“I shall represent you to the best of my ability!” he says, and we head back in.
Two hours later, we strike a deal.
That’s the last time we build a Snowlaywer.

E Is For

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“E is for Elephant” mutters Robot over and over, holding his glass-and-silicon head in his metal-and-rubber hands.
Lisa was trying to teach Robot the alphabet again, but for some reason, Robot obsesses on Elephants.
“Why do you like elephants so much?” we asked Robot.
“Because E is for Elephant,” announces Robot, and he’s back in the loop, muttering.
Frank gave Robot a stuffed elephant yesterday, and Robot tore it to bits.
Lisa thinks Robot is broken, but I think Frank’s behind this loop.
He looks at the shredded elephant and worries.
Because, as we all know, F is for Frank.

Thou Shalt Not Kill The Messenger

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It’s an amazing thing, watching God bend beams of light into unusual shapes in the heavens.
Every night, I sit at the observatory and watch that corner of the cosmos fold and twist.
Of course, I can’t be certain that it’s God doing this, but if it is God, it looks like He’s writing some sort of message.
The problem is, He’s writing it in a manner that makes it impossible for us to read.
From Earth, it’s edge-on sideways.
Is He challenging humanity to explore outer space so we can read it, or…
Does He not know we’re here?