Llama (Story One)

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Jim S. begins a saga of lamas…

It surprised me when I received the phone call from the director that I should report to brig #6. Ever since the humans had eradicated the earth, there wasn’t too much call for us legal-types on the orbital station. It wasn’t like there was a lot of room or motivation to get into trouble up here. I’d prepared a single defense, which basically consisted of a pre-formatted apology and it had done the trick every time so far.
A short time later, I was sitting with a scrawny, bespectacled scientist named Drienon.
Then he began to tell me his story…

This appears to be continued.

Llama (Story Two)

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Jim S. has a little too much fun with llamas.

“You’ve been charged with what?”
“Unnatural acts of perversion.” He said. “It was the peanut butter that did the trick. Resurrecting the llama wouldn’t have been possible without it.”
“Really?” I said, “Do continue…”
“It was an idea I had a while ago. All of the DNA samples from every species have been stored up here since before the humans destroyed the earth. They’re obviously here so someone can resurrect the species made extinct by the humans’ stupidity. I figured I’d give it a try. It almost worked, too… until the police arrived.”
THIS was going to be a challenge.

Um… okay.

The Wacky Adventures Of Abraham Lincoln 47

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Abe’s first State of the Union Address didn’t end with God Bless America. Instead, it ended with “Man, this is dull.”
The next year, he gave his address while wrestling a bear. Three hours to finish the address, and the bear. It would have been quicker if not for applause breaks.
The year after that, he sang it with a full orchestra. Sadly, the sheet music never made it into the Congressional Record.
After that, he did a Punch and Judy show.
After Lincoln died, Andrew Johnson went back into The House to give his address.
What a dull man.

Deeds

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Okay, so it’s late by a day. I was busy with… other things.
And now, Andrew Ian Dodge:

Talk is cheap or so it’s said
Instead of whingeing, get off the bed
And stop bitching how you are led
Theory is all the fine & dandy
For those who sit around like a pansy
Nothing is done by sitting on your duff
Vamping & posing around in a huff
Time is short & the end is nigh
Freedom comes only for those willing to die
Cry & cry as you might,
but change comes from those willing to fight
Preaching from your chair is all fine & good
But it won’t change anything, for you & your brood

I wonder who he’s talking about.

The Amazing Moldini

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The theme was a White Rabbit, which I blew off because it came way too late and I’d already written something. However, Jim S. the Folderman was up to the challenge!

TA-DUM!
For the 3,627,122nd time, “The Amazing Moldini” pulled the bloody white rabbit out of the hat.
This time was slightly different, though. The rabbit really was bloody. He’d been calling it “that bloody rabbit” for so long that it actually didn’t register at first. It was a little hard to ignore the pregnant silence that descended right after the impressed sigh that he was so used to.
Looking up at the bloody carcass, he sighed. To think, he’d actually thought that being the “house show” at the Broadview Retirement Home was the absolute lowest that his career could sink…

Go ask Alice!

The Letter Q

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This podcast of a Jim S. the Folderman has been brough to you by the letter Q…

Why does it seem like everything is brought to you by the letter “Q”?
“A” gets a bum rap if you ask me. It is first and foremost among the letters and yet that damned “Q” gets all that attention. It’s not fair, I say. And a good marketing campaign is essential to rectify the problem.
Obviously, “A” didn’t think it would need a good publicist and manager. It forgot that the first is often the quickest to fade from memory and quite blatantly relied on advice from a manager who was already making the quick bucks on “Q”’s career.

A’s manager sounds like my agent.

Dane

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Andrew Ian Dodge jumps on the whole Danish Cartoon Kerfuffle…

Its pretty amazing that so much trouble is being caused by just 12 cartoons from a tiny country called Denmark. Muslim countries in the world are shocked at the testicular fortitude of Danish leaders. It seems clear that the Muslim bully-boys don’t realise that Danes come from Viking stock. The more Muslims threaten Danes with violence and boycott’s the more united they become. Its also interesting to see that many European countries are backing Denmark; not so surprising the EU is backing the Muslim countries. I urge all of you to buy Danish often and stand up for free speech!

Um… er… okay.
Is Pez Danish?

Shadowplay

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There’s this bar Downtown that features exotic dancers, but they are only visible behind backlit scrims. The patrons are treated to the erotic display of shadows, while the owners can claim that the patrons aren’t actually seeing the nude performers.
Nothing is exposed, no flesh is visible at all. Technically, everything’s legal, and everybody’s happy.
Well, not everybody. There’s always somebody.
They balked, claiming some kind of harm, demanding that they stop the titillating shows at once.
The bar owner refused to back down and fought them in court.
After extensive and painstaking research by the judge, the owner won.

It wasn’t a simple exit from a carnie ride

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Jim S. takes the carnival ride exit sign theme to its fun conclusion…

It wasn’t a simple exit from a carnie ride.
To her, it was a vision, an epiphany, if you will. Her entire life had been spent building up to this moment. On the other side of that flashy, impressive “EXIT” sign was a new life.
She’d followed, unhappily in her mother’s footsteps and enlisted in the carnie lifestyle. Every step of the way, she’d dreaded it, UNTIL today. Today’s events had changed everything. This time she meant it. It was about time for her to be out of here.
So, without further adieu, the bearded lady stepped through the exit.

You go, girl!

Trashman

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You thought you could hide from me.
You were wrong.
Every morning, I want to see her there, feel her touch.
You took her away from me, left her under a garbage heap.
Her hand in mine. Her other hand. Her foot.
Torn to pieces By you.
I want to see you bleed, but the years have taken their toll. I am blind now.
I will have to satisfy myself with feeling the warm, slick blood running down your throat.
Maybe I will taste it, seeking the flavor of your rapidly ending life.
I want to see you bleed.
Forever.