One Two

When I was a kid, I used to count out time using Mississippi.
One Mississippi… Two Mississippi…
Every kid in our town counted using Mississippi.
But kids in other towns counted out with Hippopotamus.
One Hippopotamus… Two Hippopotamus…
“It’s Hippopotami!” We’d tell those kids.
“No it ain’t!” they shouted back. “And besides that, there only be one Mississippi!”
We’d shout back and forth, sometimes a scuffle would break out.
These days, strolling through the Jackson Zoo, I like to visit the pygmy hippopotamus pond and watch them play in the reeds and mud.
I count them:
One Mississippi… Two Mississippi…

Into The Sunset

When my mother had surgery for a kidney tumor, dad and I sat in a large waiting room.
Well, I sat. He paced around. Or napped.
The chairs were comfortable, but couldn’t be moved. And the arm rests made it impossible to sleep across them.
There was no receptionist. Maybe if I grabbed her chair…
Dad got it, propped his feet up.
Stuck his tongue out at me.
The wall had a long mural, starting from a sunrise where children ran out and played, progressively getting older, until old people walked into the sunset.
Where the bathrooms were, of course.

Fast As Molasses

It used to be that people would say “slow as molasses.”
But not any more.
Just like all those rare plants in the Amazonian jungle yielding cancer-curing wonderdrugs, there’s a compound in molasses that, when properly refined and then hit with a particle accelerator, can be used to fuel a faster-than-light spacecraft.
That’s right. You heard me correctly.
Warp speed. Hyperspace.
And even with all that particle-accelerator science mumbo-jumbo, it’s still cheaper and more stable than what dilithium crystals would cost.
If they existed.
Just make sure you keep the molasses bottles well-marked.
Pancakes make such a mess in hyperspace.

Ghost Energy

Ghosts are most intense immediately after death, expending their energy to compel the living to complete some task of theirs left unfinished.
But after a few years, energy exhausted, ghosts fade and are reduced to wisps or phantasms… and then just unusual regions of spooky feelings when people pass through their former haunts.
Professor Bolton says ghosts can replenish their spectral vitality with fear and life force energy drawn from the living, but there are also natural waves in the world that intensify with great disasters.
But digging up someone’s grave works too.
Pass me the shovel.
And step back.

Weekly Challenge #330 – Sparkle

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at podcasting.isfullofcrap.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.

This is Weekly Challenge Number Three Hundred and Thirty, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was Sparkle.

And we’ve got stories by a lot of people:

And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post… this obligatory cat photo should help make the Internet go faster:

baby panthers on the bed (1)

SERENDIPITY

He was a product of the Sixties’ baby boom – had his parent’s any inkling of the life ahead of him, perhaps they’d have stuck with plain William, or Jack.

Sparkle Moonshine Taylor: Guilty of first degree murder on fifteen separate counts. Over ten years, his trademark ‘calling card’ – a sparkler, speared between his victims’ eyes had become a chilling reminder that no-one was safe in their beds.

Now, caught, arrested, tried and incarcerated, he ignored the offer of a priest and wolfed down the remains of his last meal.

The guard appeared: “Hey Sparkle… ready to meet Old Sparky?”

THOMAS

Sparkle Josh was an interior designer from Tennessee. His long, blond hair made the other designers envious. He wore leather pants, a thin, silk blouse and carried a silver hand bag with a gold buckle. He had mad decorating skills, and could put together an empty room in Southern Garish or Hollywood Tacky in hours. The film crew assumed Sparkle was a girly-man, but we were wrong, when one of the camera men made a crack about Sparkle’s sexual habits, and Sparkle dropped him like a lead balloon, furnishing a well-aimed kick with the silver point of his cowboy boot.

#

Her eyes Sparkled, but the ophthalmologist found peculiarities. Deedee had cataract removal surgery, followed by lens implants. When her blue eyes were seen from an angle, the light reflected off the implants, creating the effect. Of course, Deedee used this to her advantage when clubbing . Her eyes could get her out of speeding tickets, and cajole head waiters to give her a good table by the window. Deedee used a minimum of eye makeup, and avoided any makeup techniques that made her look like a tropical fish or the smokey-eye look, so popular with cross-dressers and young, Hollywood starlets.

#
Sparkle Plenty was a professional cleaner, working for the well-to-do folks that lived on Bell Hill in town. She could clean a heavy, crystal chandelier without taking it down, and she would never break anything, including anything in Mr. Poppinjohn’s collection of casts of rock star outgrowths. Poppinjohn’s collection was purchased en masse from San Francisco’s famous duet, Cynthia Plaster Caster and her sister. Sparkle’s last cleaning job was the chandelier in Nina Piccololini’s summer house. Sparkle put on her cotton gloves and started the final polish of the bottom crystals of the two-ton Maria Theresa Gold, when it fell.

#

The drink had qualities unlike any beverage currently on the market. It combined a number of vitamins, stimulants, rare jungle herbs, leaves, barks and fruits into a sparkling, bright, green concoction that promised hours of heightened awareness, night vision, hyperactive olfactory acuity, and texting skills. At three bucks a can, teens bought two or three at morning recess. Those that couldn’t afford it, shoplifted the new drink at Safeway. The manufacturer was an Russian Company, and the FDA closed it down after a 12 year old girl in Texas chugged two, 24-ounce cans and died quickly of a cardiac arrhythmia.

#

Her personality was scintillating, radiant. It sparkled. She entered the room. The group felt an electric discharge and a quickening in their flanks. The sudden rampage of coruscation left every male in the room breathing heavily, and trembling. She sauntered over to the large spread of food, took a bit, and turned slightly, looking over her shoulder, casting her eyes down for a moment before taking another small bite of the tasty beef. She moved to the window to stare out at the lawn, and one of the younger males moved to her side. He sniffed her behind, and barked.

#

All that sparkles is not gold. Lamont learned this early in life in spite of being “a little slow”. For Lamont to learn a trade was important to his parents. Lamont had to be able to fend for himself as an adult, so his father taught him the jewelry business when Lamont was a youngster. His dad told him that all that glitters is not gold, but Lamont couldn’t remember the exact words, as hard as he tried, but he did learn the jewelry business, the code used on price tags, and how to mark everything up by 300 percent.

TOM

I am a honorary member of the Radical Faeries. A friend was running a wombat ritual at Northern California’s premier pagan festival and 10 minutes before the start she had lost her shill. 600 people had come to join in the fun of Pagan Eye for the Straight Guy, but the hotel help had bailed. There were plenty of straight pagans in attendance, but the joke works best if the makeover subject is deeply mundane. Being a loyal Camp Follower I volunteered. Rainbow wig, eyelashes, nail polish, and sarong. I douse the crowd with faeries dust.
I’m Tangerine Sparkle Good-n-plenty

JEFFREY

Steven’s teeth sparkled in the moonlight, a testiment to the finest dental treatment money could buy. He was tall and handsome, with the looks of a matinee idol, with one exception. His agent explained Steve’s dreams of movie stardom hinged on fixing his crooked, yellow tetth. Two paintful years later, the finished product dazzled in the alley behind the bar. He wondered if the time and money were well spent.

Then the punch came, shattering his mouth and leaving shards of sparkling teeth scattered on the ground.

STEVEN

She remembers the glitter of his eyes when they first made love.

She remembers when it disappeared, when there was just the reflection of the television or wall.

She remembers the distortion from her tears when he said he wanted to see other people. How she couldn’t see or catch his averted gaze.

She remembers The Night, but tries not to. Tries not to remember the lifelight fading as the infected bite took his body.

She fiddles with the brush, then applies more shellac to the orbs. His corpse strains against the ropes.

She remembers. She’ll get it right eventually.

MUNSI

I’ve made a bet with a demon. We’ll be playing the fiddle shortly.

I admit, this isn’t the best idea I’ve had. Nonetheless, it’s how I’ll be spending my day.

Should I beat this demon, I’ll receive a fiddle made of gold. Pure, sparkling gold. Gold of the finest quality, it’s a beautiful instrument.

Should I lose, the demon gets a fiddle made of gold from me, which I won in a bet with a previous demon, a few years ago.

We’d plaid Magic: The Gathering for that bet.

I’m very good at Magic: The Gathering.

Fiddle? Not so much.

LILITH

Lilith tells Clifford that he needed a new name something cool like
Ford Prefect but says him more like Arthur Dent than Ford Prefect.
You mean like Two-Face asks Clifford.
No, that is Harvey Dent replies Lilith
The guy who wrote Doc Savage?
No, that was Lester Dent.
Clifford for being on a geek podcast you have a lot of trouble
differentiating the Dents.
Chris comes in and says I am test driving a Ford Fusion Hybrid and it
is so shiny. Why don’t you guys come out and see how my Ford
Sparkles.
Lilith declares I found your name

LIZZIE

“Sometimes it sparkles, sometimes it glows,” the magician said, looking distracted.

“What is it?”

“An orb.”

“Does it kill?” asked the kid with a strange smile on his face.

“Of course not!”

The kid frowned.

“It’s useless then.”

“Look, go read that book of spells,” said the magician hoping the fat volume would keep the kid busy.

But the kid didn’t even look at the book. Instead, a loud thump was heard.

“I knew it could kill!”

Later, it was extremely difficult to distinguish what was the orb and what was the head of the magician. Conclusion, a sparkly mess.

CRYPTEX

The lecture hall quickly filled up with students studying Introductory Philosophy.
“Any questions before we begin?” The teacher asked.
One hand rose timidly.
“What is the difference between sparkle and glitter?”
The teacher looked at the student and replied, “You Mr Taylor have never been the best ranked in class but are still favoured over others, why?”
When the student did not answer; the teacher spoke, “You never scored above average due to your laziness but the one time that you did study, you scored the highest in the history of that test. That my friend is sparkling.”

EXIA00

” ‘Poorest of the poor’, that’s what people call them”, I told my assistant. I was at a very subdued locality of my country where people always live oppressed and in the fear of ‘ the oppressors ‘. It was the 65th independence day for this country but ironically, even these 65 years couldn’t get these people their real independence.

While walking, I saw some children flying kites. There was a sparkle in their eyes which grew as their kites soared ever high. I asked one of them ” Do you also dream of soaring great heights?”. Suddenly the sparkle was lost within him and he ran away.

BONCHANCE AND SEVI

Sparkle

Mirella recalled the quote from Kubler Ross as she freshened the body of the Yugoslavian beauty queen, nicknamed “Bright Eyes”.
“People are like stained-glass windows.
They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.”
The novice nurse was thankful she had a peaceful death.

Mirella felt inner peace knowing she was with the beauty queen as she took her last breath at 313am.
The kind nurse believed that everyone should have their hand held as they travel to their new home.

Pablo, (the black and white springer spaniel), returns. :)

Sparkles

Sparkles was an overly spoiled cat. The large obese calico was also the terror of Espy’s neighborhood.
Everyday Sparkle’s loving owner would send him off to play sporting a new ribbon tied into a beautiful bow around his neck.
Today’s colour was bright pink.

Espy told Pablo that he needed to socialize more and stop worrying about his misfit son, Pepe.
Espy forgot to mention Sparkles. On first site, Pablo was positive he found a new best friend.

Pablo hadn’t seen a cat that vicious, since the time he tried to sneak a steak out of the Circus lion’s cage.

UNCLE MONSTER

“All that sparkles is not gold,” she said.
“Baby, I think the saying is all that glitters is not gold.”
“Really? What sparkles?”
“Diamonds, I guess.”
“Wow. We’ve been dating for three years now and I never knew you knew so much about gold and diamonds.”
“Yeah, me neither.”
“So, what have you got planned for Valentine’s Day?”
“It’s a secret. I will say that it involves something that sparkles.”
She gasped and kissed me. I couldn’t wait to see her face when I took her for a day at the paintball field with her new Diamond 3000 paintball marker.

TURA

“Waiting for Twilight Sparkle”, a play in one act by Tura Brezoianu.

A country road. A tree. Two bedraggled old ponies. One used to be blue.

Turquoise (the blue one): Sunbeam.

Sunbeam (the other one): What?

T: Why Sunbeam? I’m Turquoise, because I am, but you…

S: Call that turquoise? In the nineties, though, remember? We were respectable in those days. Now it’s too late.

T: But when Twilight Sparkle comes…

S: Will she come?

T: She sent word…

(Long pause.)

T: (getting up) Let’s go.

S: We can’t.

T: Why not?

S: We’re waiting for Twilight Sparkle.

(T sits down.)

(Long pause.)

S: Let’s go.

T: Let’s.

(They do not move.)

BOTGIRL

“Where in sweet God’s name are we?”
the starlet drawled, wide-eyed in wonder
at the strobing lights and heart-pounding bass.

“God has many mansions my dear ,”
Groucho quipped with a rogue smirk
on his lips and a pirate sparkle in his eye.
“This one is called a rave”

“Is this a movie set?” she guessed,
the only explanation she could
come up with for being somehow
transported to the St. Vitus’
dance raging around her.

“What’s my line?” Groucho asked,
looking deeply into her dilated eyes.

“Actor, silly,” she said.

“Close, but no cigar”, he replied.

“Time traveler.”

CALEDONIA

Damn it! I know I have seen it. It must be in my inventory somewhere! “Jewelry and Accessories.” No. “Prop & Sets from Stories.” No. Hey! Maybe “Specialty Emitters?” No, no, NO! Looking dully around in the corporeal world, nothing glitters to mind. Shiny things, bright things, even things that glow. Not the thing I am looking for. Where is it? Then I remember it: the beloved furry friend, the look in my nephew’s four year-old eyes when he greets me, the deep and joy-filled laughter shared with dear friends. True “Sparkle.” No bling assist needed. Found it!

NORVAL JOE

Owen pinched his nose and whispered to the ranger, “Do we really need Spleen guiding us through the forest? At least if he’s at the back we don’t have to smell him.”
“Spleen was added to our company for a reason. As a half-goblin he can tell when other fiend type creatures are around,” Traveler said.
Owen was surprised to hear the dwarf speak.
“And there be a reason why these be called the goblin woods.” Gems sparkled on the handle of Finder’s battle axe as he pulled it from his belt. “Look boy. Our goblin friend senses something already.”

DANNY

“I just looked at him and said. ‘I’m a pony!” Sparkle screamed, her fiery red ponytails bouncing with her every move as she walked down the street with Cookie and Bubbles, who were laughing at the top of their lungs. The three often meet up for early morning breakfast at the local diner after Sparkle gets done working the poll at the local strip club. Sitting down at their usual place at the counter, the cook, Julio, asks Sparkle, “The usual?” “Nah, just give me a Fruit Loops sandwich, hold the egg.” Julio rolls his eyes, then prepares the order.

REDGODDESS

After coping with many personal losses in recent years, Lola no longer believes that time always heals. Although she is grateful to be among the living, she senses she’s coming undone. Lola is disturbed that many missed out on living fully while alive. She hopes her funeral will not begin with “we are here to honor and celebrate the life of a beautiful young woman gone too soon.” Before she could shake off these morbid thoughts, a pregnant woman is in front of her screaming, “call 911 now, I’m in labor!” She can still forge a living legacy that will sparkle.

PLANET Z

Stars twinkle, shimmer, glow, and sparkle.

It has to do with the atmosphere or something.

What stars don’t do is blink, so that’s the running light from an airplane or a helicopter.

Don’t worry about it, though. We’re safe in these bushes, and there’s no way they can find us.

Not even if they’re using heat-sensitive goggles.

We don’t give off heat.

Just keep crouched down under your cape, stay still, and they’ll pass by.

Then we’ll be able to go hunt for food.

That camp down by the river will have plenty.

Keep your fangs sharp, and follow me.

Closing and Opening

Once, when I was young and foolish, I heard slamming noises coming from a church.
I walked in to see the bizarre sight of a priest running around, closing doors and windows.
And whenever the priest closed a door, a window opened.
Then, when the priest closed a window, a door opened.
He kept at this for a while until he fell down to the floor, panting.
“Whenever God closes a door, he opens a window?” I asked the priest.
“Yes,” he said. “But does he pay the heating bill in Winter or the cooling bill in Summer? Hell no!”

The Case of The Amber Rose of The Amazon – Part 9

From pinprick of light to steam belching leviathan the train came to a rest just before the detective. A door opened, the two travelers entered. Down the tracks a switch pulled to the hard left. Slowly the train followed a course through a valley few eyes had seen. Within two miles the train was moving at an alarming speed, but this was unnoticeable to the occupants, who were already is deep discussion with Mycroft himself.

“You live brother, is this your seventh of eight?”

“I’ve lost track sometime ago. I need to be in Paris before the Easter bureaucratic ellipses.”

Knob

I wake up, get in the shower, and turn the knob.
Nothing.
No water.
Then, I realize I’ve turned the middle knob. The shower-or-bath knob.
Oops.
I turn the one to its left and HOT HOT PAIN HOT!
I stumble out of the shower and look at the note on the sink GET THE TEMPERATURE RIGHT FIRST damn, I forgot.
I reach back in and get the temperature right before stepping back in.
Soap. Shampoo. Shave. Brush.
I stepped out before turning the water off…
And couldn’t breathe.
On my nightstand, another note:
DRINK SLEEPING ELIXIR ANTIDOTE.
Can’t… reach… bottle…

Itchy Trigger Finger

Stone Ridge needed a doctor, so I hopped on the first train out.
When I arrived, sheriff welcomed me, pointed out some sights, and warned me about Bobcat Murphy: “He’s got an itchy trigger finger.”
Oh. Good.
A client.
I grabbed my bag and headed to the Murphy Ranch.
Bobcat put a gun to my head and said “What do you want, stranger?”
“Doctor,” I said. “Doctor Roberts, and I have a cream for your itch.”
Bobcat sighed. “Great,” he said. He put down the gun and dropped his pants.
Curing his jock itch cured the itchy trigger finger, too.

Pitchman

The drill sergeant shouted that he wanted the floors so clean, he could eat off of them.
So, we invented a brush and solvent that cleaned the floors perfectly.
We came back two weeks later to clean the floors… and were promptly arrested by MPs.
We were charged with going AWOL.
“But we did what the sergeant told us to do,” I said. “R&D ain’t instant. Heck, that stuff can clean just about anything.”
We were dishonorably discharged from the Army, but made a fortune with the brushes and solvent.
Heck, the sergeant is our pitchman in the informercials now.