Author: R.

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at podcasting.isfullofcrap.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.

This is Weekly Challenge Number Three Hundred and Thirty-Seven, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was Football.

And we’ve got stories by a lot of people:

• Tom
• Jeffrey
• Thomas
• Serendipidy Haven
• Lizzie
• Munsi
• Zackmann
• Cliff – Uncle Monster
• Bonchance and Sevi
• Chris the Nuclear Kid
• Steven the Nuclear Man
• Norval Joe
• Tura
• Planet Z
• RedGoddess

The next weekly challenge is on the topic of chip.

And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post… this obligatory cat photo should help make the Internet go faster:

---

TOM

Sports are seasonal; so, when the leaves fall it is time to get the old pig skin out. Well, by now Spalding is using some synthetic polymer; though I do hear the NFL balls are the real deal. As if a 10 year old could afford a NFL ball. No we settle for a Charlie Brown football and by proxy a Charlie Brown dilemma. In the past Luce pulls away the ball at the moment of contact you get lay out staring at the sky. So you hold her to a promise hoping that internal integrity will rise with maturity.

#

You run, you kick, you sail through the air, you hit the ground, you staring up at the azure sky, you remember you’re a cartoon character who has been 10 years old for 60 years. The question of milestone development markers becomes as mote as a Harvard Law School Debate. Further she has never failed to hover over you mocking your hyper developed embrace of trust. Are you spectator in the Allegory of the Cave or have you spend the last half century in a syndicated Skinner box. Quietly you muse over the tale of the Turtle and the Scorpion

JEFFREY

I had always wanted to be a football star. Too small for any other position, I set my sights on being the place kicker. Sadly, I was no good. My kicks had no distance. Every team cut me like lunchmeat at a deli.

Then came the space program. I was an astronaut, selected to be on the permanently-manned space city in high Earth orbit. One day we decided to form a football team, playing in space suits, not pads, and using the length of the station as our “field”. Perfect, I thought, low gravity. I was the kicker, of course.

Our one and only game came down to two seconds, my team behind by one, 90 yards to go. They called me in. I caught the ball cleanly with my foot and watched the ball sail on and on. With almost no gravity to stop it, the ball might have carried on forever. Sadly, I had forgotten we were in a gravity well. The ball hooked left and headed for Earth, missing the goal post badly before burning up during re-entry. Game over.

THOMAS

I abhor football. Moreover, it is a total waste of time to either watch or follow on and off field antics of overpaid mercenaries. If it were not for the violence and brain-rattling encounters, most of the people that watch it would find something productive to do. The same for auto racing, cage fights, and boxing. I learned very early that football was for pinheads and large clods that liked to break things, act violently and snap towels at each other’s buttocks in the locker room. A gentleman does not attend games, nor does he buy seven dollar hot dogs.

#

Football is a manly man’s sport. I bought a season ticket instead of getting the washing machine fixed. Little Bobbie and Jennifer can wear my old t-shirts to school instead of getting new clothes this year! I’ve been betting on games, and when I sit in the den wearing my jersey, shoulder pads and helmet, eating Cheetos and drinking beer, I am only despondent for a moment about my wife leaving, until the next ball is snapped. My pals, Nick and Ted come over and we make fun of the new family next door that “garden” and play croquet together.

#

John played football in middle and high school. He packed on the pounds, and when he was a senior, he wrestled super-heavy weight. He had his brain rattled so many times, he dropped out of junior college to work in the plywood mill so he could save money and marry his high school sweetheart. His future is working until he gets a back injury, then kicking back and drawing disability. He plans to spend a lot of time, sitting in his Peyton Manning jersey and taking care of the babies while his wife works at the local Walmart until retirement.

#

I love to watch football on the TV. The girls and I get together, each bringing a tray or two of salty and fatty snacks. We watch all the games on the weekend. Last Saturday we saw two guys carried off the field, a guy in the crowd hit a player in the face with a beer bottle. We love the sport. We also get very excited and a little bit damp when we watch demolition derbies. It’s the sound of the roaring engines and the crowd that move all of us in ways that our husbands and boyfriends cannot.

SERENDIPITY

This is what they warn you about… “The thing in room 101, is the worst thing in the world”

In my case, it’s football.

I may be in the minority, but for me football represents everything that is tedious, boring and senseless – all packaged in a monotonous nonsense of pointlessness.

It is hell on earth.

And it shares this nightmarish room with me, constantly, day and night.

I’ve screamed, begged and come near to insanity… but they haven’t broken me yet.

The thing is – after ten days stuck in this room – I’ve begun to realise that actually, I love football!

LIZZIE

The writer sat at his desk. He hated football and the editor who hated him made him write about what? Football, of course. The writer procrastinated. He reorganized his books and reshuffled his pens. He even tried to figure out how much the plant sitting on his desk had grown. He could write about the rules, the players, the millionaire contracts, the model wives. No… So, he started like this “What if I killed…” It was a success! He wrote a book and signed a movie contract. There was also the small matter of the lawsuit, but that’s another story.

MUNSI

I was doing dinner theater, living in a hotel near Calgary’s football stadium.

My day off, on my way out, I happened upon six gentlemen in Chewbacca costumes, each with a Saskatchewan Roughriders jersey over his wookie suit.

I was surprised, as you would be. When I asked if that was a thing amongst Roughriders fans, one of the Chewies told me that no, it wasn’t, but that it totally should be. And then they were off to support their team, the weirdest way they knew, and I was alone with my thoughts…

So yeah, I cheer for the Roughriders.

ZACKMANN

I told a friend that I have learned a little about football because
of reading or listening to most of the GFL books.
So he asks since I know about the GFL would I like to try fantasy football.
Naturally I asks if that means I can use dragons and orcs.
He says only players on a real football team.
I ask if that means Ki, heavyG humans, and Skilorno are okay.
No he tells me only regular humans.
I say you mean I only get to use humans like some minor Purist Nation
league that sounds a bit dull.

When I was a kid some of the best cartoons were on Saturday near the
end of the morning. We did not have youtube and videos were really
expensive so if we didn’t see them on Saturday morning, we did not see
them. Hence childhood taught me professional and college sports are
evil because they would replace my cartoons with pregame shows which I
could almost understand but one day they preempted my favorite
cartoons with a Pre pregame show. What kind of sadistic nutjobs ran
television stations when I was a kid? Predictably, I never became a
sports fan.

CLIFF

Football 1

Legend has it that the game of football first started after a medieval battle. The warriors, still full of adrenaline after the bloody fight, found a severed head and proceeded to try to kick it past one another. It eventually became part of the after battle ritual to play the new game to help the troops unwind. Rules evolved, team names were chosen, and game strategies were developed. The king put an end to it when he learned that troops were holding back in battle to save their strength for the big game. Shortly thereafter, the football riot was invented.

Football 2

When I was a teenager, every Friday night was the same. We’d all gather at the school, dressed to impress no matter the weather. The guys all acted stupid trying to impress the girls. The girls all giggled and acted like they didn’t know the guys were there. Everybody tried to act cool as only a high school kid could do. There was high drama and low humor. Teen love blossomed and died. There were threats and jokes and the occasional brief fist fight. All the usual stuff. Oh, and apparently, there was a football game going on somewhere too.

SEVI AND BONCHANCE

Football!

Hello Jimmy? Jimmy boy how ya doin buddy?! ?
Yah I made across the pond. Yep, lots of rain.

Sounds like I’m outside? Dude I am outside!
I’m at a stadium watchin guys in short boxers kick a ball around then pile up on each other.
Not sure why they would do that.

Gotta speak up Jims! There is a lot of racket in the stands.
Oh I came with an English feller who disappeared after we got here.
He said there’s gonna be a football game here.

Must be right after all these fancy shorts get off the field.

Don’t bug me man!

I aint your football field, bug. Go somewhere else to play your games.

Runnin around with your high flyin friends and landing on me like I gotta
host your party. You go on your own path, don’t need to be playin on my skin.

The old days are gone man you don’t go buzzin ’round my place.
Don’t you tread on me man.
Don’t you go buggin me with your night crawlin and name callin.

You aint gonna spin no web that makes it alright,
aint gonna mug me so best if you move on and don’t bug me man!

CHRIS

It was twelve forty-five in the morning when I heard it. I had been playing the new game Minecraft and had started a mine. I made the mistake of digging straight down and fell in to a huge pit. There were red stone lamps on the walls and I could hear the sounds of thousands of mobs. I followed a tunnel in the pit and neared a huge cavern. Two sides of the cavern were lined with bleachers on side with zombies the other with zombie pigmen. In between the bleachers was a football field with zombies and zombie pigmen playing a common game, football.

STEVEN

The Titans’ homecoming game was not going well.

It was a perfect evening for football; clear air and just crisp enough to think about apple cider and light sweatjackets. But the Titans had trouble. Bobby twisted his ankle on the first play. It got worse from there.

With seconds left, the Titans were down by five. Fourth and goal. The center snapped the ball, the pass went high… and landed in the hands of Mike Winkerbean. Mike took a knee, just like his idol, Tebow.

A lightning bolt struck him as a voice boomed: “Thor bet on the other team.”

NORVAL JOE

Harold knew it had to be a dream, though the grass was wet on his bare feet. The late October evening was cold and his breath turned to steam with ever rapid, panicked, gasp.
Five foot ten and one-hundred-ten pounds soaking wet, he ran for his life, his striped, flannel, pajamas pants flapping with each stride.
A dream. And yet, the texture of the football was rough and real tucked between his arm and naked chest.
The touchdown would have won the game, but it was called back. Harold was neither in a proper uniform, nor on the team roster.

The pass is complete but the receiver takes a wicked hit from behind and the football is loose and bouncing across the field. It’s a race to see who will recover the ball, but the ball seems to be out running the the players. It can’t be. The Trojans have done it again. They’ve pulled the wiener dog sneak for the third game in a row.
While both teams are distracted chasing the wiener dog, the receiver runs to the end zone for a touchdown and another win for the red and gold.
Just look at that wiener dog run.

TURA

So last weekend I took the train over to Cambridge (the real one) to hear some music three hundred years old, in a church five hundred years old. Seven violin concerti from Vivaldi’s “L’Estro Armonico”, the Birth of Harmony, a collection that virtually created the baroque concerto, played by one of the leading baroque ensembles of our time.

Football? What care I, for football? Except that there was a big match in Norwich that ended shortly before I got on the train, and with departing football fans it was standing room only all the way. Liverpool 5, Norwich 2, apparently.

PLANET Z

I joined an online fantasy football league, but instead of trading and tracking real professional football players, we trade characters and creatures from fantasy novels and bedtime stories.

I put together my roster with the greatest of care picking ogres as linebackers, elves as wide receivers and a mighty stone giant as my quarterback.

My most important move was to put Rumpelstiltskin in charge of all stadium concessions. It didn’t matter how many games we won or tickets we sold, because the wicked little trickster spun the soda straws into gold and we all retired as billionaires, elves and all

REDGODDESS

During the recession, Lola’s neighborhood has gone through many changes. Her favorite book store became a luxurious spa. The Indian family who ran it disappeared. The foreclosed church is now a high end condominium, own by the football quarterback. She overheard two students say,”No one prays anymore anyways.” The library is slated to become a sushi restaurant. In the distance, where mostly immigrants live. One of the worst eye sore is still unfinished. A structure for a low-income housing development.It’s been five years since they broke ground. Oh well, like I said soon we all be eating Sushi.

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at podcasting.isfullofcrap.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.

This is Weekly Challenge Number Three Hundred and Thirty-Six, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was Broken.

And we’ve got stories by a lot of people:

• Jeffrey
• Tura
• Munsi
• Thomas
• Serendipidy Haven
• Lizzie
• Merry o’Casey
• Zackmann
• RedGoddess
• Brokali
• Bonchance and Sevi
• Taralyn
• Danny
• Cliff – Uncle Monster
• Tom
• Norval Joe
• Kimianne
• Planet Z

The next weekly challenge is on the topic of football.

And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post… this obligatory cat photo should help make the Internet go faster:

---

JEFFREY

Sales Call
by Jeffrey Fischer

They called me broken down, career over. It’s true I’ve had my setbacks. My sales numbers aren’t what they used to be, and I know I would have landed the Carson account back in my prime.

Still, this old boy has some fight in him. Stan, my boss, said I needed to win this account or I was out. No excuses. I swore I’d have the signed docs on his desk by tomorrow, and I don’t intend to fail.

You’re comfortable, right? The duct tape isn’t wrapped too tightly? Nod if you agree. Now just sit pat. When the deal is signed, I’ll be back to untie you. Don’t look at me like that. I’ll do it. I’m not broken.

TURA

I had an idea of the perfect pot. An idea so fragile that it trembled when I thought of it.

I spent two months making it, turning the finest clay on a kick-driven wheel (no soulless electric contraption would do), carving the designs, and then multiple rounds of painting, glazing, and firing.

But something went wrong in the final firing. I don’t know what. Too hot, too cool, too long, too short… The pot distorted and cracked.

But this is modern art! Who cares what it looks like! So I’ll just exhibit it as is. I’ll call it “Broken Pot”.

MUNSI

Why I Never Get Anything Done

By Christopher Munroe

I sit, trying to write, but all I can think about is Point Break.

Love that film…

The Swayze is at the peak of his power, invincible, and what passes for the plot is so wildly over the top that it’s impossible to watch without a big, dopey grin.

Even Keanu isn’t too objectionable. But it’s not like his acting chops are being particularly stretched…

It’s as perfect a dumb actioner as could be, and yes, I should be writing, and yes, I don’t have time for a movie, but still…

Point Break, man…

Screw it, productive work can wait…

THOMAS

The spindle was broken, and the 45 was not centered on the turntable. Everyone at the party was too whacked to manage the record player. The Rolling Stones’ tune, Satisfaction, played on through the night. The distorted and repeated tune made everything and everyone even more contorted. As the record spun, it produced a wow and swoosh as the needle danced across the vinyl. Two beautiful, black women embraced inside the bathtub, and didn’t stop making out if anyone went inside to use the toilet while they were there. I went outside, across the street, and watched the house vibrate.

##

The party was in San Francisco. A guy across the room remarked about the toenails on my chair being too red, and I, threatened by his familiarity, told him to shut up or I’d break him. My date had re-familiarized herself with her old boyfriend. He supplied all the chemicals that night, made with his lab and tools he took with him from a British chemical company when he moved to the States. Brian was the first, white collar, industrial spy I knew. He financed his lifestyle and two-story apartment with formulas and processes he sold to his American employer.

##

She was a broken woman. She lost her job at the coffee house, and her boyfriend broke up with her after catching her running around with his friend. He spread despicable and ugly rumors about her, and everyone was afraid to get close to her. She dyed her brown hair, blond, and went to law school. After college, she found herself writing books and moving into a career as a speaker, columnist and television personality. Never able to get her body weight above 60 pounds, Ann has been accused of being a pre-op transexual because of her prominent Adams’ apple.

##

Bill was broke. He sold all his books and records, gathered his essentials together, and fitted his ‘72 Oldsmobile as his home on wheels. He drilled a hole in the floor of the back seat so he could relieve himself, inconspicuously, at night while parked in the Walmart lot. He’d curl up in his sleeping bag, crack the front window a bit for air, and sleep until sunrise. No one bothered him, but he had to put up with another car dweller parked nearby. She fell in love with Bill, and wanted to move in with him. Bill drove away.

SERENDIPITY

My dad was not the most patient of men. He had his own way of fixing broken household goods: Whatever the problem, televisions, washing machines, vacuum cleaners, even broken-down automobiles could all be repaired with a good hard thump, clout or kick.

Occasionally he’d find success and the hapless piece of equipment would stutter onwards until the next violent ‘repair’ became necessary, but, inside… loosened components, cracked circuits and broken connections told a different story.

In the end, no matter how hard he thumped them – they stayed broken.

I could have told him that.

It never worked on me.

LIZZIE

“There was a war, a long time ago,” said the father. “They conquered the world.”

A broken fighter plane had been rusting in the open field.

“Is that why we can’t talk?” the son asked.

His father looked around fearing someone had heard them.

“Don’t say those things, son, you’ll get us in trouble,” the father whispered. “I think we should remove this junk and clean the field.”

The son crossed his arms.
“You know what? I think we should leave it, Dad. One day I’ll bring my son here and tell him about the war, so we don’t forget…”

MERRY

Space Storm by Merry O’Casey

Life’s turbulence is circumscribed by grace
of limited expectancy, its form
as nebulous and changing as a storm,
as anchored by our atmosphere from space.

When she stormed out saying she needed space, her anger made me so angry. How petty our arguments seem against the measure – well, against any measure, really. Against the broader measure of our own lives’ spans, or against the greater intensity of the suffering of refugees or tortured prisoners or mine slaves. Such indulgence: to have a quarrel about nothing at all.

And against the measure of space, and its storms? “Petty” doesn’t begin to describe – and I don’t mean to belittle her emotions or even mine by putting it all in perspective. I only wonder, why couldn’t we have parted normally, casually, that morning of all mornings?

Or desperate ridiculous desire: why could we not have known this was our final parting and given one another some token kindness to carry, she to wherever it is she’s drifting, I to where I’m bound.

Bound for nowhere but simply bound, aimless and earthbound, I look up at the stars on those nights when a few can still be seen, and curse the storm that carried her ship adrift in space.

Curses aimed at the infinite are unsatisfying. All there is to find at fault, are our own limitations: our inability to see any moment together, even a moment of annoyance, as better than time forever apart.

ZACKMANN

“His parents are divorced so he comes from a broken home
He does not fit well into our restroom but he will go outside because
he is housebroken.
He sang nerdcore in a band called Front and Centeur but he and
Frontalot broke up.
He has a girlfriend who works in a bookstore. He has gone broke buying books.
Her parents didnt like her dating a Centeur and now he is heartbroken.”
“I said I wanted a broke horse for children to ride at my kiddy
carnival but get him a background check because we have a position for
him.”

REDGODDESS

Lola walks toward the hotel garage to check the areas before leaving. As she approached the rear of the building, she notices a broken window on one of the cars and a man placing objects into a bag. Lola tiptoes toward the exit door to page security. Her heart is beating fast; she decides to go against all of her common sense and charge the burgler. That is the last thing she remembers. She is awoken by a kiss, her mans smile. She is in a hospital.
“Who did this?” He asks. She looks at her broken arm and curses.

###

Lola takes a deep breath and reaches for his hand. He seems so sincere when they’re together. He knows she wants to wait and that her heart has been broken before, he tells her it is okay with his dark eyes. Lola touches his beautiful lips with her finger and tells him to be quiet. She traces an ice cube down his muscular neck and shoulders, she kisses his rugged skin. “I’m ready,” she whispers. He lifts her onto the wooden table in the dining room she looks at the door hoping no one comes in as they become one.

BROKALI

I got the call at seven.

” Brokali?”

“Yes.”

“He finally did it, killed himself getting groceries, meet us at headquarters.”

Headquarters is a secret place for 100 word geeks.

“You’ll have to take over.”

“I can’t handle his workload. He has Sims, weekly challenges, people actually attend his events. He has cats.”

I went into a full panic. I passed out and was put on an IV, hospitalized, I turned and to my surprise I saw Crap Mariner.

“I thought you were dead.”

“Worse, I’ve broken my arm and need robot screws .”

I breathed a sigh of relief.

BONCHANCE AND SEVI

Broken

Have you ever heard that saying “you never forget how to ride a bike, no matter how long it’s been”?
Just climb back up and take off! Weeee!!!

What they don’t tell you is that you forget how to maintain your maturity once mounted.

The first 3 jumps went smoothly. I was over confident and thinking I was that cool, freewheeling, kid with no fear.
Yes, doc I know “how lucky” and fortunate to “only” have one broken leg and a dozen cracked ribs.

Yes doc, I know to be more careful next time…Yes doc, I know I’m not sixteen!

Broken 2

Pablo, the black and white spaniel and his pal Sparkles, the obese calico, sporting a bright pink ribbon, had broken a rule on their last adventure.
The regulations dictated that they needed to get prior approval from “The Chairman”.

Sparkles pled the 5th when Pablo inquired about his knowledge of the rules.

Every neighborhood had their big bully but all knew that they ultimately answered to Chairman Meow.
Molly and Maggie the twin wiener dogs gave Pablo a little book of the neighborhood rules for future reference.

Sparkles ordered Pablo to take the rap and meet with Chairman Meow immediately.

Broken 3

John and George sat in the living room chatting about football.
“How long will you be in town John?”
“Just for today George, I was really hoping to connect with Linda”

“She is out shopping today, he snapped”

John noticed a bloody fingerprint on their wedding photo, the glass in the frame was broken.
In the hall, an edge of a suitcase was in view. That large mirror Linda loved from Italy was missing.

John stood telling himself to act natural. He shook George’s hand and left.
His back felt exposed as he turned from George and quickly walked away.

TARALYN

NO TEXT

DANNY

The worst thing your orthopaedic surgeon can tell you is there is to much swelling in your broken leg, your going to have to spend at least a week in bed with your leg elevated above your heart so the swelling will go down enough that a cast can actually be placed on your leg. That is what I was told when I was 19, after falling off a rope swing while drunk, landing on the banks of the Delaware river, breaking my lower right leg in the process. I spent that summer of my life in bed, and it sucked.

CLIFF

The interrogator had promised to break me. He told me that every man could be broken given enough time. I had laughed at him. That was weeks ago. Since then, there has been deprivation, torture both physical and mental, and always the question.
“What is two plus two?”
This morning, he came into my cell, gave me my clothes back, and announced that I was cured and was free to go.
“What do you mean?” I asked. “You didn’t break me.”
“What is two plus two?” he asked.
I replied “It’s still four.”
“Exactly,” he said and left the room.

TOM

It was my last semester at the JR College. I was 3 months from turning 40. If I had been 40 that fateful night I wouldn’t have been in the gym in front of a volleyball net. At the time I thought how much trouble could I get in tapping a ball around. Hour one I take a hard step forward and feel a foot behind me smash into the back of my ankle. I yell, “What the fuck did you do?” The problem was the guy was a good 12 feet away. “Dude you ripple out your Achilles tendon.”

NORVAL JOE

“How is this goblin cube going to save us, Shareekwa?” Owen asked.
“Simply this, Owen. The Door of the Goblin King is an enchanted way-stone. There are compass stones constructed near every goblin-tribe settlement. This stone will transport us from one to another.
“I’m sure Elbownor knows the incantation. Come. Let’s find the compass stone.”
The company spread out and searched the forest as they walked toward the goblin village.
“Just before sunset. Traveler called out, “Found it.”
The company gathered around a pile of broken stones.
“We should camp here tonight,’ The ranger said, “I’ll try to fix it.”

KIMI

The small robed man rubbed his freshly shaven head in a

circular motion. He had burst into the kitchen and half yelled

“rats!” over and over, along with a stream of what may have

been Tibetan. Geshe was normally such a quiet and

reserved person, I grew concerned about his agitated state.

“rats”, he said again, curling his lips and squinting his eyes.

“Where?” I finally managed to interject. He grasped my shirt

sleeve and drug me to the front room wher he stood in cront

of the habitrail. “Gerbils” I pronounced. “Gurr-balls” he

returned in broken English. “Rats” I smiled.

PLANET Z

King Rufus didn’t like magic, so instead of a Court Magician, he hired a Royal Spellbreaker.

Once a mage of the wizards Guild, the spellbreaker had been expelled over a petty dispute. He made his living revealing the tricks behind the feats of wonder his former colleagues performed.

Love potions were analyzed and revealed to be nothing more than colored alcohol.

Cursed swords just intentionally mis-balanced by the blacksmith.

And the many wondrous beasts of the kingdom nothing more than unusually-groomed poodles.

“You’re just a man in an ice demon suit,” he said mockingly to his would-be assassin.

And died.