Author: R.

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at podcasting.isfullofcrap.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.

This is Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Eighty-One, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was PICK TWO

Hunger
Minecraft
Lamp
The heart is a lonely hunter
Butter
The End of the World as we know it
Schaefer Beer
Slip
You
And Justice For All…
Dating
Comet

How about voting for your favorites?

[polldaddy poll=5494312]

Or, if the poll is broken, just go to everybody’s site and heap much love upon them (since nobody ever leaves comments here, you know.)

Thomas
Tom
Chris Munroe
Danny
TJ
Zackmann
Daniel
Norval Joe
Planet Z

And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.

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THOMAS

Lamont J. Tardbean read the BLOG stating butter was good for nourishing shiny hair. He dressed and headed for the Korean mom and pop market. The Kwans sold individual, quarter-pound sticks for two dollars. He took the cube home, mashed it into a bowl of brown sugar, made some toast points, and spreading his concoction on each piece, watched Laverne and Shirley re-runs until he got up to check his hair. He noticed his mane was shiny, not realizing he had run his butter-ridden hands through his do more than a dozen times in anticipation of his new, suave, coiffure.
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She gave me the slip. I had always admired her beautiful undergarments, including her collection of stainless steel thongs and rattan brassieres. The slip was woven out of cat fur and yak tail. Deborah had twenty trunks that traveled with her on tours, and fifteen of them held her unmentionables, that we all seemed to talk about and mention all the time. She was classy, and after giving up her vows in the Church of The Gooey Death and Discount House of Worship, her new calling was the Alternative, Deconstructed, Transposed, Texas Cheerleaders – the trendiest girl band in the Southwest.

TOM

The boys down in marketing came up with this, they’re rather proud of it. “It’s the End of the Word as we know it so drink more Schaefer Beer.” COE Walter Lamp glanced out the window at the bright midnight glow of the in-coming comet known as the Lonely Hunter. He slipped out of the butter leather conference chairs to address the board. “I was born with a hunger just as the strong as the next guy, which dates me, but using global annihilation to sell beer smack of minecrafting. You got anything better? Justice for all drink more …

MUNSI

After closing night, the theater didn’t need it.

Seven foot statues of actors are pretty useless once the show’s done, and heavy to boot.

I, on the other hand, always wanted an enormous statue of myself. The opportunity was too good to pass up.

I worried what you guys’d say when I brought it home, but you both loved it. I didn’t realize how much until I returned from work the next day.

You’d turned it’s eyes into lamps.

Now it stares light down upon me from behind the couch as I read.

The best part is: This story’s true.

Danny

Schaefer Beer, the beer you have when your having more than one. Wow, a beer that knows me more than just intimately. It would be the end of the world as we know it if I could not buy case after case of Schaefer Beer. Wait, I live in Florida, you can’t buy Schaefer Beer here. There is no Justice for all if you live in the state of Florida, all constitutional rights just Slip away, thanks Governor Scott, YOU bastard! Dating in Florida is even worse, unless you have a dating convicted Felon fetish. I just want a Schaefer Beer.

TJ

Entering my eMusicalChairs profile… tap tap tap… Pisces…
more of a dog person… Personal philosophy, something
about the heart is a lonely hunter… Things to do on a
first date… yes, yes, yes, yes, and oh, yes please.
Well, now it’s contractual. Photos… hmm… 90 percent of
our clients won’t even look at a profile without photos.
Well, in that it’s a requirement, none of them will. OK,
picture of me, picture of me, picture from the Internet
of “me” winning the Superbowl… done. Complete your profile?
Seeks female. I’m sure I said that already. And… send.
The adventure begins!

ZACKMANN

It is the end of the world as we now it because we both gave up dating since the heart is a
lonely hunter. Both for the love. For me my wife. For Guido his insatiable hunger for Butter . I
see the woman under a lamp selling hot buttered popcorn and smiling at Guido and think maybe
there really is justice for all. She adjusts her slip as Guido tells how a comet full of platinum
fell in his grandparents hay field. They meet after the movie for some toast, Shaefer Beer, and
Minecraft. Guido says “I love you, butter.”

I saw the pick two subject in the weekly challenge and wondered if that exclamation point meant
you should only pick two, exclusively. Not that it would be the end of the world as we know it if I
used more than two prompts. Would I be dating myself if I say I remember when that was a tittle
of a new song? I am sure that mariner guy knows on pick two topics week someone will try to
slip in more than necessary wouldn’t you? Had I any sense I would turn off the lamp and go to
bed.

DANIEL

With the chain-link fence between us, I felt safe enough to study this lone zombie. There was hunger in its eyes, hunger and emptiness.

I watched it for a few moments longer before drawing my revolver. I took careful aim, and snarled under my breath as I pulled the trigger. “Fucking zombies. That comet had to cause Z-Day on the anniversary of 9-11, didn’t it.”

Still, if you had to admit anything good about them, the zombies did bring humanity together. Who cares if you’re a Muslim or Christian so long as you’re still alive? That’s all that matters anymore…

NORVAL JOE

The doorbell rang. Fly Paper Boy jumped up before his sister could.
He opened the door just a crack to see who was there.
“You,” he said to Esmerelda Filch, who stood casually on the porch. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m here to help you,” she said. “You can wait here, and go back to prison, or come with me.”
He glanced quickly over his shoulder. Nobody was watching and he slipped out the door.
A black Escalade idled at the curb. The passenger door swung open as they approached.
“Good,” Esmerelda purred. “We have some, errands, to run.”

PLANET Z

Franklin Washington was the greatest chef in the world.
He was also completely blind.
Lost his eyes serving in Iraq.
He’d been a good cook before the war. Somehow, he got even better after.
Despite the blindness.
Everything was placed around the kitchen by his assistant just the way he expected it.
Knives, spices, pans, skillets… everything was exactly where he expected it.
Like a well-oiled machine.
Things were going great… until a butter pat fell on the floor.
He slipped on it. Fell on his knife.
Or, so his assistant says.
Not a bad chef himself.
Close the case.