Whenever someone tells me that something is the only way to do something, I challenge myself to try to think up another way to do it.
Sometimes, I come up with a much better way, and I propose it to them as a viable alternative.
“It’s easier, less expensive, and is much safer to do,” I say, going through the plans. “Plus, it doesn’t cause any pollution.”
The other person scowls angrily. “You cannot do this because God says not to.”
I do it anyway, because if God doesn’t want me to do things cheaper, safer, and easier, fuck Him.
Author: R.
A Twist Of Lime
“A twist of lime,” says the man in the green suit to the bartender.
“With what?” the bartender asks.
“Nothing. Just the lime.”
The bartender slices up the lime and the man in the green suit lays on the bar, staring up at the glasses and lights hanging over it.
He opens his mouth and says “Go for it.”
The bartender shrugs, squeezes a lime wedge into the man’s mouth.
The man in the green suit sits up with a grumble, wincing with disgust.
“I said twist, not squeeze!” He lays back.
The bartender twists another wedge.
“Oh… so… good.”
Barge
Midnight. Bloodfang Dock.
The tugboat slowly guides the barge to rest.
Captain Grim hobbles across the deck.
“Two thousand for a dozen, vampire,” he croaks.
“All alive?” I ask.
“When I last checked,” he says. “Hungry?”
I give him the money, and he throws open the hold.
“Out!” he yells, pulling a rope, tied-together soot-covered children stumble out in single file.
When the last is on the dock, he laughs, and I order the tugboat to shove the barge away.
I pull out a knife… and cut the rope. “You’re free now, children.”
They run, laughing.
(I’ll hunt them later.)
Weekly Challenge #268 – “Toxic”
Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at podcasting.isfullofcrap.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.
This is Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Sixty-Eight, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was Toxic
Let’s see if PollDaddy is working again…
[polldaddy poll=5135725]
And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.
Tom
Stay away from Benny he’s toxic. What ya mean? He’s covered in Comic Goo! Goo? A sticky paste of desire and despair that takes the wire brush of righteousness to remove from the soul, but in a casual exchange of social pleasantries can become smeared firmly across your psyche. “You’re Joking?” “Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.” After 10 minutes with Ben Frank staggered back to me, looked like he’d been run over by an Iditarod sled crew. “I feel like crap,” said Frank. “Better take this before it hardens.”
Chocolate or vanilla — two scopes should do it.
Zackmann
Martin asked the old man did you look in the restroom. That would be called the head said
Captain Cheyenne. You dont what to go in there. Why Captain is it toxic? Not exactly but our
cook is good at Texican cuisine and yesterday was chili night. The crew likes toxicly spicy chili.
Captain Cheyenne, how do I get off the ship its not canon. Prepare to fire. No Story canon.
Belay my last.Sorry lad once your caught up in a story ark it is had to get out until the course is
run or in this case sailed.
zackmann
“Paul E Cooley the doctor will see you now.” “I see from your chart you are a plushophile who
came in for Yarn Burn and dont I remember something about you writing some detective noire
muppet slash fiction?” “I did nothing wrong, they were over 18” “That might be part of the
problem because some of the older muppets were constructed using toxic dyes. I am afraid you
will need to use this salve and wear undyed underwear for several weeks. Dont feel too bad
because this condition is not uncommon and has become known as the Rob Balder Disorder”
AM Earley
The protestors had been as close to the faclity as they were allowed for six hours whent the reporter showed up.
Ranting protesters were not the fast way int the anchor chair, but . . . .
“They are silling toxins into our drinking water, the lead protester exclaimed passionatly. “It’s effecting our
lives and ruining our children’s health. We brought six kids who have been profoundly affected.”
Pointing out only five children present started the search. When the search ended the reporter was exstatic.
Toddlers found dead in hot cars are trgic. It was also ratings gold. The reporter couldn’t wait to find out who
would be put on trail for this.
Steven the Nuclear Man
You’ll come home after a long day. A day spent trying to forget the things you’d said the night before. A day spent remembering the hateful words your lover said.
Those surprising, unexpected words, like uncorking Chianti and finding frothing sour vinegar boiling out of the narrow throat.
Of course there’s problems, you’ll rehearse, opening the door, but we can–
The first splash of acid – or maybe for you it’s a gun, or a knife, or an iron, or a bat – takes you unprepared.
Great minds think alike, you’ll muse as your lover purges the toxic relationship from their life.
Relish
It was too late to turn back, fix the mistake. The toxic error shredded his body and twisted his mind into a red cyclone of terror. He had eaten the fleshy, spore-bearing mushroom like it was a piece of popcorn, sucked on the edges, and let it slide down his healthy throat. Picking perfect mushrooms was his art-form; he was thought to be an excellent amateur mycologist. A sea of red poured through his body like toxic paint, warm as candle wax. He knelt down on the path where he had found the mushroom, and he gave up on himself.
Danny
Jack woke up from a deep sleep, ready to take on the next challenge in his life. Jack then asked himself, “How many shots can I drink in one sitting before my blood alcohol level becomes so toxic that it starts to damage my internal organs?” Jack pulled the bottle of grain alcohol off the shelf , and poured himself a shot in a dirty glass sitting on the table. He chugged the shot down, and poured another. The second shot burned going down, the third shot didn’t burn at all. Jack’s body was found the next day. Question answered, three.
Terrazabyte
Putrid… that’s the only word that describes the stench that enveloped my nostrils that day.
For each and every breath I took, a bit more of that toxic aroma filled my olfactory and overwhelmed my nerves. I became unbalanced as my knees began to shake and give way. My vision flickered and proceeded to close in from all sides as if some tiny being was slowly walking from the back of my brain to the front, turning off the lights in each section and closing the door.
Light became dark, dark became comfort. Rescued was I, from Aunt Agatha’s meatloaf.
TJ
Analyzing the video he captured, Martin carefully selected screencaps
that most usefully identified Miss Harch’s extended changing-room
ogling and avoided the nudity beyond her. Though nearly all the girls in
the video would by now be 18, he didn’t wish, in applying his
extortion bid, to open himself to toxic counter-charges of child
pornography should one of them still have a birthday coming. The images
he chose were, as it turned out, effective. Miss Harch would excuse him
from fifth-period gym class for his junior year. He had all summer to
plan how best to use that free time.
Norval Joe
The attorney open his briefcase and looked over his glasses at the boy.
“We have a problem, Fly Paper Boy,” he said and passed a folder across the table. “Vinyl Man is filing charges based on the Super Hero Collateral Damage Reform Act of 2008. He says you’ve permanently scarred him.”
“I caught him red handed,” the boy said, “besides, my adhesive is non-toxic.”
“True,” the lawyer said, “you’re glue’s not toxic, but the solvent to separate you is. It has acetone in it. Vinyl man has burns over 90% of his body and a pretty good case against you.”
Planet Z
Paul was finest chef in the world, but when your ex-wife is the finest food critic, you find yourself closing a lot of restaurants.
One review had used the word “toxic” seven times.
Another had just been a skull and crossbones.
The last listed the number for poison control.
This time, she wasn’t going to ruin the moment. He gambled everything, spent all he had, called in every favor.
There would be no bad review this time. Back in the kitchen, her body was stuffed into the bottom of the deep-freezer.
Revenge was a dish best served cold, after all.
Unfolding
Lao Tsu is a master of the art of Unorigami.
What is Unorigami?
It is the opposite of Origami, the Japanese art of paper-folding.
He can unfold folded paper in a way that you never see a crease. It’s as if the paper was never folded.
He’s so quick, you can toss a paper airplane past him and the next thing you know, a flat sheet of paper wafts slowly to the ground.
For his birthday, I gave him a sweater.
He puts it on and thanks me.
Then he hands back the gift-wrap, spooled around the cardboard tube again.
Writing Trouble
I’m having trouble writing.
I try to think of things to write, but I just can’t find inspiration.
So, I went out for coffee.
There was a girl there with bandaged hands, and she was barely able to hold her coffee.
“Carpal tunnel,” she says. “Surgery messed up. Six months.”
I got her a frozen coffee with a straw, and we talked.
She’s also a writer. Has lot of ideas, just can’t write them all down.
I offered to transcribe them for her.
“Oh, I’ve got a voice to text program,” she said, getting up. “Thanks for the coffee, though.”
I Am A Rock
I feel the pull and a slight warmth upon me. Its pattern is exactly 28 units long. It arches over me and changes the flat about me. I wonder if it is round like me. What makes her move above me? She is too far for us to touch unlike the small bits that shift below me. I sense we had the same beginnings and will come to the same end. But not today for the rock, a child’s hand has carefully placed it in a paper bag and it will be for a time separated from its harsh mistress.
Bananas
I like bananas.
Twice a week, I buy bananas.
I go so often because I eat a lot of bananas and they go bad so quickly.
I’d go once a week, but by the end of the week, all that’s left are bananas I don’t want to eat.
Brown bananas. Blech.
Plus, I walk to the store, and buying so many bananas at once can be a burden. Or they get mashed up from being so heavy in the bag.
I wish someone would deliver bananas.
Maybe I can order a banana pizza and tell them to hold the pizza.
Blood Brothers
Mucus and Eyes Like An Owl lay on their backs and watched the stars slowly cross the sky. Mucus always grumbled that his name really sucked. Eyes Like an Owl liked to point out oozed would be a better adjective. Mucus would punch him in the ribs and Eyes would laugh which pissed Mucus off even more. A low growl emerged from the tree line. “I got a bad feeling about this,” said Eyes. He turned toward Mucus, but Mucus was gone. From far enough away Mucus watched the bear eat Eyes Like an Owl. No one likes eating Mucus.
Yogurt
I’m on a diet, and I need to eat yogurt.
So, to get me into the habit of eating yogurt, I hired a guy to tie me to a chair every morning and force me to eat yogurt.
He did that “Here comes the airplane!” and “Here comes the choo-choo train!” thing with the spoon, but I said that was silly.
He said I was being a bad boy, and dragged me in the chair to the basement.
The good news is, I’ve lost a lot of weight.
Maybe I can slip out of these ropes and escape some day.