Author: R.

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Forty where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was… was…. um…
It’s a combination of: Lambada, Dragon Burgers, Coal, Bail, and Wrapping Paper
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING

Which were the best stories in Weekly Challenge #140?
	Caleb from http://blacktiemartiniclub.com/
	Uva Oxide from http://lost3dent.blogspot.com/
	Norval Joe from http://www.norvalsoutlook.blogspot.com
	Justin http://www.thebeandom.com/spaceturtle
	Anima from http://zabbadabba.com
	Brad Z from http://mutecow.net
	CeN from http://censtwocents.blogspot.com/
	Ashley
	Tom from http://midi.libsyn.com
	Guy David from http://guydavid.com
	Planet Z
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

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Caleb

They say you have to know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away and know when to run. And so far that has been good advice, for me anyway. But as yet nobody’s ever told me when to scream dragon burgers while dancing the lambada and wrapping a bail of coal in paper, setting it ablaze and pouring a pint of papaya liqueur down my trousers.
I can tell you this. You really shouldn’t do it in the library, or church and especially not in any International Airport. Tomorrow, I’m trying Dow Chemicals.

Uva

Triumphant ! mutant mouse cut the dragon’s stomach open with his laser wand as if it were wrapping paper and extracted the dragon burger – double peopled crispy as bacon stomach to stomach as if dancing the lambada with a bail of coal speckled charred cabbage as a bun.
Mouse recognized the crazy lab-techs who had made him what he is, the ultimate soldier, bred to be in a disposable army, to fight wars in place of men of the future, sent back with the dragons they had made in the future to fight them, to the past avenge their makers.

Norval Joe

The others thought the half-orc was stupid and eyed him surreptitiously where he sat turning dragon burgers on the coals of the campfire.
“Lambada, you stupid oaf, is the food ready yet?” One of the group sneered. The outlaws had enlisted the half-orc to help rescue their leader from the king’s prison. The leaders bail had been set higher than the outlaws could afford.
Lambada would be unrecognizable to the wolf-guards trained to scent on humans.
The outlaws thought Lambada was stupid, and deaf as well.
The king pays better.
They would get their leaders head back, in wrapping paper.

Justin

I’m at the Dragon Inn eating a burger. A bard strums up a lively lambada. Several of the drunker patrons sweep up barmaids into dances. In a small brown paper wrapped box is a diamond ring. I hand it to Iliza as she passes by with a few empty tankards. She opens it and gasps, then slaps my face. I pick the ring up. The wizard who’d sold it said the diamond was magical and would turn into a less stable form if my love had been unfaithful to me. Pocketing the coal ring, I decide it’s time to bail.

Anima

No bail, Jingle. 11 months hard labor at the Kringle Coal Mines.
With all that is going on in the world, I’m gonna need more stockpiles for next year.
From now on, when I say jump, you ask “how high”.
When I say dance, you’re gonna lambada like Carmen Miranda.
And when I ask for a dragon burger, you better not bring me reindeer sausage.
You should have thought twice about sponsoring Christo on his wrapping paper installation at the North Pole. I find his art so bulgar.
You’re about to learn: No one messes with the Jolly Fat Man.

Brad Z

Dragon’s guarding the treasure right…what does Fred throw at it….A piece of coal! My Gods did that thing get mad.
“Nother Dragon Burger?”
Aye….hey Lambada told ya not to put those on.
Magic dancing shoes aye. Had a cousin put on magic boxing gloves once. We used a roll of bail ta tie him up with until the wizard got them off him.
What happened to the gloves?
Some diplomats had gathered for a peace treaty in this village so we wrapped the gloves in paper and gave them as a gift. Nice war resulted from that.

Cen

I stood on the porch as the uniformed man gave me the news.
We were being evacuated; it was the only hope for survival.
On my left, Mr. and Mrs. Jones were doing the lambada in the yard, apparently deciding to stay behind.
On my right, old man Smith, sipping a milkshake and holding a Dragon Burger still in the wrapping paper.
I stepped slowly onto the almost empty bus, apparently very few felt the need to bail.
The sky turned orange as we drove away and I realized a lump of coal would never mean the same thing again.

Ashley

Ring
“Hello.
Oh God, what a night.
I went to the party dressed as a present, covered with wrapping paper.
My date went as a chunk of coal. What was I thinking?
I did the lambada at the party. Thank God I didn’t go commando.
My date got into a fight with Mickey Mouse and I was too just damn drunk to bail her out. I didn’t really like her anyway.
Then, I had a dragon burger at home and it gave me the shits.
God, what a night. I’ll never do that again.
Alright, talk to you later.”
Click

Tom

Maurice had been trafficking Whitby Jet cross The Wired for 40 cycles. The Red Judge allowed him to place property in lieu of incarceration in keeping with the 12th century Statute of Westminster. This was timely Maurice was competing in the Strong Hit Brazilian dance finales. The Victorla keep skipping back to track one on The Best of Cream, but this just caused Red to laugh and fall all over Maurice flapper beads flying in the wind. After hours of toughing bellies Red said. “Let’s get some charbroiled Smaug,” “Don’t forget the pickles.” Oh the horror life in a Tiny Mud.

Guy David

Little Timmy opened the wrapping paper to find out Santa has left him with a lump of coal. This made him so happy he just had to dance the Lambada. “I could use this to start a little barbecue at the schoolyard” he said happily, “I could even bring my favorite beef, Dragon Burgers.” His parents had to bail him out again, though they should have been used to it by now. Only last year, he scorched Santa’s beard after he gave him a barbie doll by mistake and the year before that he put fire crackers up the chimney.

Planet Z

We put word out on the wire that all ten terrorists were dead.
Nine bodies stacked in the the morgue.
“Want to join them?” I told the detainee.
He spat in my face, so I took out a cordless drill.
The torture worked. We were getting the detainee to talk.
One problem – our translators were worthless.
Lambada dancing in Fallujah.
Delivery of Dragon Burgers, distribute to agents
Whisper of Coal, pile up the hay bail and hoe-down
Check the Wrapping Paper for the signal key
Obviously they’re using nonsense code words.
Pass me a fresh drill bit.

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Thirty-Ninewhere I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was Oh, the horror!.
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING

Which were the best stories of Weekly Challenge #139?
	Caleb from http://blacktiemartiniclub.com/
	Norval Joe from http://www.novalsoutlook.blogspot.com/
	Mike P. from http://mjpaxton.com/
	Justin from http://www.thebeandom.com/spaceturtle
	Jeffrey from http://greathites.blogpspot.com/
	Cenedra from http://censtwocents.blogspot.com/
	Anima from http://zabbadabba.com/
	Brad Z. from http://mutecow.net/
	Ashley
	Tom from http://midi.libsyn.com/
	Guy from http://www.guydavid.com/
	Planet Z
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

---

Caleb

Mrs. Claus had had just about enough of Santa’s priceless collection of Victorian erotica. She didn’t mind him spicing things up a bit now and then; after over 200 years of marriage who wouldn’t? His not having time for her from October through most of January left her ready to submit to almost any perversion. Sure, she could dabble with the occasional elf or two but it wasn’t the same as having that big belly slapping her ass like a bowl full of jelly. So when she caught him ‘reading’ the story of O she shredded it. “O? The horror!”

Norval Joe

Lori checked her lipstick in the mirror of the hotel bathroom. Her 25th reunion was going to be a hit.
She wasn’t obese in high school, but she was chubby enough to make her color guard uniform stretch past the point of flattering. Oh, the horrors she faced in high school.
A Phd in partical physics, a strict diet and lots of exercise had transformed her into a svelt, but extremely intelligent, seductress.
She walked into the banquet room to the astonished smiles of her former classmates. Her form-fitting silk dress was tucked neatly into the back of her panyhose.

Mike P.

I met Mr. Roosevelt in Cuba. He took me to New York and the White House as friend and advisor, and then to Africa as a hunting companion.
It was in Mombasa that we heard the natives speaking of “zombeys.” A shaman told us of an undiscovered island, far to the east, that was home to these creatures. Maps were sketched out, and we sighted the place within five days.
Three days later, we returned from a fruitless excursion to find a lifeless crowd shambling about the camp.
“Oh,” I said.
Mr. Roosevelt nodded, loading a shotgun. “There’s the horror.”

Justin

It all started when Elmo wound up in the hospital.
“I was in an alley on my way to talk to Oscar in his new can when I was attacked by something round!”
Next, the Cookie Monster was mugged outside his home.
“It stole my cookies!”
The crime rate was on the rise.
“Three mugging, ah ah ah. Four muggings, ah ah ah.”
Police detectives soon found that these crimes happened on days brought by the letter O. Kermit had this comment:
“The horror of it all was that “O” had always been so polite. We never would have suspected.”

Jeff

“Ice Fishing? You brought me ice fishing?”
“Yes, well you said you wanted to get away from it all.”
“Yeah, but I meant I wanted a vacation.”
“But dear, this is a vacation. We’re out in the wilderness, enjoying all that mother nature had to offer.”
“If this is all she has to offer, I want my money back.”
“Dear, that is the wonder of this vacation it was nearly free, and in a bad economy, it is perfect.”
“Great I am stuck out here, with Charles Swab. Why can’t you do anything right for a change?”
“Oh the horror.”

Cenedra

I watched in horror as he handled the flesh of a dead animal as though it was an everyday occurrence. My eyes fixated on the bright red fluid dripping onto the table.
My mind wanted to scream, but there were no words. My eyes followed yet another red drop as it fell, almost in slow motion, and splattered below him. Plop.
The disgust must have shown on my face because he paused and scowled at me “What’s the matter with you?”
“I can’t believe you put ketchup on your hot dog.” I said and licked mustard off my bottom lip.

Anima

What is wrong with people?
Can’t they take a hint? There are No Trespassing signs… A girl scout hung in effigy….
Satyr lawn ornaments dancing around a pentagram torched in the grass…
What’s it take to be left in peace?
Oh the horror, they are traipsing up my drive, thru the allée made of impaled real estate agents and vacuum cleaner salesmen. They’ve passed my menacing hellhound…
Who are they? A pox on these doorknockers I say!
Yes…?
Ma’mm, we’ve come to nominate your gingerbread house to the historical society…
Oh… Well then, my dearies, won’t you please come in?

Brad Z

Slowly, mother nature is spreading terror across the nation. State by state, the weather reporters track it’s progress. Unable to stop it they speak of the horrors of the ice fog that is coming. City by city it spreads closer. The local weather reporters warn of the dangers to follow in the morning before I click the TV off and fall asleep. In the morning, the closings scroll across the bottom of the screen. Wiping sleep from my eyes I look to see if today will be a snow day. Oh, the horror, everyone gets to stay home but me!

Ashley

Charles’ life was great. He had a dream job, a marriage of twelve years to a content wife and four amazing children.
There was even time for other women.
Charles whistled as he added more lewdness to an already quite lewd email and hit send. An automated reply quickly popped up.
He abruptly noticed the name of the reply and froze. It was his wife’s work account. Somehow, he’d sent the email to the wrong address.
As Charles sat in shock at his computer, a favorite phrase of his mother’s came to him, “Son, if you play you pay.”

Tom

“Spiritus Mundi” screamed Klatu.
Gort shrugs his shoulders.
“It is the gyre of this stony sleep we must dispel” railed Klatu.
“The falcon can not hear the falconer.”
Lacking all conviction Gort move its slow thighs.
“Wait surely some revelation is at hand!”
“The worst are full of passionate intensity.”
About Klatu the tiny metal bugs chewed.
“Things fall apart” stated the robot
a gaze blank and pitiless as the sun.
“Klatu, the center cannot hold.”
He grabbed Gort whispering
“Gort Klaatu barada nikto”
The beast knew
its hour come round at last,
Slouched towards Bethlehem
to settle a score

Guy David

It was laundry day. Harry memorized the instructions ahead of time. He just knew he would be able to operate the washing machine with ease this time. Margaret watched him like a vulture. He shivered. One mistake and he is toast. He put the clothes in the machine, turned the knobs, pushed the button and watched as they started spinning. There was nothing to do but wait now.
Later, when the cycle was finished, he took out the clothes under Margaret’s watching eyes, intending to hang them on the laundry line but… Oh, the horror! – they all turned out green.

Planet Z

O, the horror.
The studio is unhappy with my latest picture, so they want me to appear in a fundraiser for childrens’ diseases.
I asked which disease was it for – I’m a great fan of any disease or form of death, really.
Can we raise money to give away guillotines for tots? Or how about high-powered explosive candies?
Guns. Kids love guns. And they’re very dangerous when put in the hands of a child.
The studio was mortified. They’re sending some singer in my place – Michael Jackson or something.
They’ll have a great time with him, I’m sure.