Shaving

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Every time I shave, I miss a few hairs.
It doesn’t matter how many blades my razor has or what kind of shaving cream I use.
Hairs appear in the mirror, or I run my fingers across my face and they spring back out of my skin.
It’s frustrating.
I used a cream that a friend suggested that women use to remove the hair from their legs, but that didn’t work, either.
There was this pad advertised on television. Tiny crystals that lift and exfoliate.
After one use, my face was smooth.
Then, slick. With blood.
My skin was gone.

Weekly Challenge #146 – Animal Cruelty

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Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Forty-Six where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was… was…. um…
It’s Animal Cruelty.
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING

Which were the best stories in Weekly Challenge #146?
Sherry from http://www.sherrydramsey.com/
Tom from http://midi.libsyn.com/
Guy David from http://guydavid.com
Justin http://www.thebeandom.com/spaceturtle
Jeffrey from Http://greathites.blogspot.com
Hedgie
Serge
Ashley
Anima from http://zabbadabba.com
Michael S.
Michael P.
Caleb from http://blacktiemartiniclub.com/
Norval Joe from http://norvalsoutlook.blogspot.com/
Terrence from http://www.mcleanweb.ca/neverwas
Planet Z
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):


Sherry

Someone warned them.
By the time we arrived, the perpetrators had fled, leaving those poor
creatures behind. You couldn’t call them pets. Victims, maybe. Experiments.
We opened the cages, coaxed the survivors out. They were cold, shivering.
We wrapped them in blankets and led them to the waiting vans.
A female watched me with eyes that were not quite ready to trust. “Will you
catch them?” she whispered.
I shrugged. “They’re sly. If they don’t want to be caught…”
She stared into the passing forest, wondering, perhaps, if her torturers
watched from the shadows. “I hate cats.”

Tom

In 1979 I was going through a nasty divorce. Having a great deal of aggression and time on my hands I started hanging out in a “d&d” pub next to the university. At the F Bandersnatch pub they played a version of the game laid out by members of the Society For Creative Anachronism. Three nights a week I’d hack and slash assorted monsters into the wee hours of the night. The DM was rather fond of hybrid beasts call ducks. The story goes they were either humans cursed with feathers or birds cursed with intell- igence. Talk about animal cruelty.

Guy David

The forest whispered to Anna. She crawled dipper into the closet. The
forest creatures where coming for her, and she knew they where going
to skin her alive, then tear her apart limb by limb. She was
terrified, but she was also prepared. She clutched the little device
the strange man of the forest gave her and activated it. The closet
started to spin around her, became a blur, then it disappeared
altogether. She was no longer there. The forest creatures would have
to feed on some other poor soul today. She thanked the spirit of
human ingenuity for teleports.

Justin

While filming the Brazilian Drought, a wild dog attacked my wheelchair bound brother. Before it ripped out his throat, I killed it with a shovel. A spying environmentalist became outraged. Security removed him. Later, he took a shot at me while I was birdwatching alone near the São Francisco River. While chasing me, he cut his leg. I saw them just under the surface of a shallow section of a creek. I climbed a tree and tossed my binoculars across the water. He waded in, thinking I’d crossed. The blood enticed the hungry piranhas, which took most of his leg.

Jeff

Mad Scientists get a bad wrap for many things. Bringing down bridges, thwarting the hopes of some goodie-two-shoes want-a-be hero. But mostly we get blamed when anything goes wrong. Well I for one am not getting blamed this time. I am not going down for this one. Some fool over at the palace decided it would be a good idea not to let any of the slaves go, and now there are frog and gnats and locust everywhere. Talk about cruelty to animals, what are those things supposed to eat. I tell you it’s like someone brought down the wrath of God.

Hedgie

Andy awoke, hungover, and walked toward the kitchen. The coffee can was
empty. He dressed, deciding on a Starbucks run, went to the front door and
turned the knob. It wouldn’t open. A noise was outside. Voices without
words. The windows were covered with wood. What the hell was going on
here? Andy looked up in a panic. Metal bars replaced his roof. The clouds
were dark promising rain. He also noticed something else. Hundreds of eyes
peered down on him. Bodies and faces covered with fur, feathers and scales
stared and pointed at the human in his natural habitat.

Serge

The eyes, unblinking and unfocused, stared at him from beneath the
transparent crust. Its last flight had been cut abruptly short by a simple
lifeless stone. The boy did not find the bird until next morning. It had
fallen into the pond just a meter away from the shore. Curious, he touched
the frozen wing sticking out from underneath the ice – a strange and
unfamiliar feeling grew inside him. At home he smashed the sling into the
wall in silent anger and cried. He would go back many times until the spring
thaw, when the bird was no longer there.

Ashley

Back when I was in high school, I used to trap. Yes, we’re talking
double spring steel traps for small fur-bearing animals, raccoons and
nutria mostly. When I left for Army basic training, I stopped trapping.
When I returned and entered college, I found that I no longer had the
urge to run a trap line. Nothing against trappers, but I remember just
too many toes left in sprung traps. There is no doubt animals suffer
when caught in a leg trap. Though I still enjoy looking at tracks on the
creek, trapping no longer holds any appeal for me.

Anima

Canines and Felines of the jury:
Ignore your emotions. Only weigh the evidence when deciding about William
Wegman.
Consider how he tortured Man and Fay Ray for years, isolating them from
their pack,
anthropomorphing them… robbing them of their canine dignity.
Wegman exploited the Rays from early puppyhood to their last days,
expecting, no, DEMANDING obedience. He dressed them for his perverted
pleasures, and profited from his dogsploitation!
You’ve seen the photos – hundreds of them. Recall the haunted looks, the
humiliating postures, the demoralization of these once proud dogs.…
Let justice be served – Find Wegman guilty of Gross Animal Cruelty!

Michael S.

I drag my human along when we go for a walk.
I bark at the empty closet and my human gets scared and jumps up to
investigate.
I lift my leg and mark my territory when my human visits a friend.
I chase the garbage truck and the mailman with total disregard for my human
begging me to stop.
Sure it’s a bit mean, maybe even spiteful but I don’t think we should call
it animal cruelty. That’s a bit too strong if you ask me.

Mike P.

Jeanine the Badger stepped to the edge of the platform. “Residents of
the forest! Witness what we do today! The Kingfisher beyond the river
has sentenced Brian the Squirrel to be beheaded for the following
crimes: Theft. Kidnapping. Impersonating a representative of the
crown.”
Brian smirked. His favorites were coming up.
“Willful disobedience of gravity. And selling fruit and nuts without a
license.” Jeanine nodded at the hooded executioner. The cobra
attempted to lift the axe, but was unable to actually grasp it. He
looked helplessly at Jeanine. She growled.
Animal cruelty is often prevented by lack of opposable thumbs.

Caleb

if you go out in the woods today
You’re in for a big surprise.
If you go out in the woods today
You’d better go in disguise.
For every bear there ever was
Will gather for certain, because
Today’s the day the teddy bears go ethnic cleansing.
battle time for teddy bears,
Those horrid teddy bears are having a bloody time today.
Killing Feeding unawares,
see them murder ing each other for holiday.
See them ripping eyeballs out.
They love to scream and shout.
And eat the other bears.
then there’s no more teddy bears
Because they all are dead

Norval Joe

There was tension in the break room. Finally, Tom spoke, ” I realize there is public
concern about animal cruelty, but I have a job to do. It’s Disney’s fault! He
animated animals and gave them human emotion. Now everyone expects dogs and mice to
think and feel like people.
“First, we can’t have alcohol on the job. Then they take away tobacco and ethnic
stereotypes. Well, let the script writers figure out how to eliminate violence and
still have a show.”
Tom stood. Jerry and Spike just rolled their eyes as they followed him back to the
sound stage.

Terence

One would think than having read the good book you would know what was going
to happen, but Raoul knew better. After all he had been written out;
however, not even Raoul had expected the end to come in the form of a pink
monkey.
‘You came.’ Death turned his horse towards Raoul.
“I’m still one of the five horsemen.” There were however only four of them
on horseback. “What happened to your horse?”
“They took him away. They did not understand that I’m famine; people have a
certain expectation of my horse. They however said it was animal cruelty.”

Planet Z

Octopus are intelligent creatures.
They are also quite delicious.
Some people don’t like it when intelligent creatures are used for food, so that’s why I developed “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Octopus.”
It has all the flavor and texture of octopus without the guilt of eating an intelligent creature.
Instead, we use a blend of puppies, kittens, and other natural ingredients to achieve a consistent and realistic octopus experience..
To get the puppies and kittens the right texture, we have to mash them alive with concrete blocks..
They’re cute, sure, but not intelligent. Kinda dumb, really.
And quite delicious.


Boxes

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I wake up, get out of bed, and walk around the house.
I do this every morning.
Six cardboard boxes in a pile by the door.
No labels on them, no markings at all.
I have no idea what’s in them.
Or where they came from.
Some are heavy, some are light.
Do I shake them? Will I break what’s inside them?
I put my ear to each box. No ticking, no breathing.
Maybe I should open them?
Which one to open first, the heaviest? The lightest? The biggest? The smallest?
I go back to sleep.
Maybe they’ll be gone.

The Quiet Ones

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It’s the quiet ones that kill.
Just sitting there, watching you from across the coffee shop.
“What a beautiful cat,” says a customer.
The owner nods, hands over the mug.
Those eyes follow you everywhere: you walk into the shop, over to the counter, back to your favorite table.
What is it about you that’s so interesting?
“Sasha likes you,” says the shop owner, smiling. “Would you like to pet him?”
You think about it, wondering what that deep orange fur will feel like, so soft, so rich.
“I’m allergic,” you say, leave a tip, and walk out the door.

Sabbath

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Servants are unreliable.
When the Sabbath comes, you cannot depend on them to do work.
Unsupervised, they do such a poor job. And they steal.
So, we decided to build robots to do the Sabbath chores.
It wasn’t enough to program them with the ability to cook, clean, and mend. They must do it the right way. We also filled them with reason and piety, all of the Talmudic Law on a chip.
The robots worked great. They freed us to do so much.
Until Sabbath. They joined us in prayer, reached for their own switches, and turned themselves off.

De-inspiration

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Inspiration means to breathe life into a creation.
But what happens when you want to take that part of your life back?
Especially when your creation wants more, and is sucking the life out of you?
Always waking up breathless, needing to do more.
No more.
You step back, close your mouth, and hold your breath.
Your creation begins to turn blue and suffocate.
It begs for air. It begs for life.
“I need it more than you do,” you think to yourself.
It’s hard to watch your creation die.
And once you kill it, you feel empty yet again.

Frozen Barbie

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My little sister was so weird.
One day, she stripped all of her Barbie dolls naked and wrapped them in aluminum foil.
“What are you doing that for?” our mom asked.
“Cryogenics,” she said, sticking the dolls in the freezer. “We’ll wake them up in the year 3000.”
Late that night, I took out the Barbie dolls and wrapped up some corn cobs in the foil.
The next day, she checked up on her time capsules and screamed.
That night for dinner, we had roasted chicken and steamed corn on the cob.
Sis put hers in a dress and cried.

Peanuts

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If there’s anything I do that has me pegged as a Southerner, it’s the fact that I put peanuts in my cokes.
You’re supposed to put them in the bottle, but nobody drinks out of bottles anymore.
People drink out of cans, or they use a glass.
Either way, I still put peanuts in my coke.
The peanuts soak up the coke, and when you’re done drinking the coke, you rattle them around and chew them up.
My grampa taught me to do this, but he told me to do it with the shells still on.
Grampa was an asshole.

Weekly Challenge #145 – Concrete Shoes

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Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Forty-Five where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was… was…. um…
It’s Concrete Shoes.
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING

What were your favorite stories in the Weekly Challenge this week?
Michael
Sherry from http://www.sherrydramsey.com/
Serge
Sophie
Ashley
Guy David from http://guydavid.com/
Justin from http://www.thebeandom.com/spaceturtle
Norval Joe from http://www.norvalsoutlook.blogspot.com/
Terrence from http://www.mcleanweb.ca/neverwas
Anima from http://zabbadabba.com/
Tom from http://midi.libsyn.com
Jeffrey from http://greathites.blogspot.com
Planet Z
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):


Michael

I spiral downward as my depression sweeps through my body.
My arms are heavy as if weary of carrying the entire burden of my thoughts.
My legs feel as if they are lifting concrete shoes with each step I take.
I look around me from corner to corner, floor to ceiling as my mind searches for an alternative to the conclusion I’ve reached.
I grow tired of the argument within my head as I reach for resolution.
Finally, relief consumes my being.

Sherry

Every spaceport has its own version of the mob.
The expensive suit had skin like a warthog, but he looked over my webbed fingers and gill-flaps like I had a revolting disease. I could see him thinking “gene-mod freak” but he still loaned me the credits.
And I bet the wrong side and lost them.
So when the cheap suits with big muscles came looking for me, I couldn’t run far. Blow to the head, length of rope, and I woke up at the bottom of the reservoir.
But yeah, I woke up. Gill-flaps. Best gene-mod investment I ever made.

Serge

All she does is shop, he thought, mixing the cement. And nag.
Alex, I need more money to buy this or that.
Alex, I need a new handbag; none of the other 78 match my new cocktail dress.
Sick of it, he did something no man should ever do.
Never give a woman your credit card: she will run you dry.
He couldn’t believe she maxed out his Platinum Express in two hours! TWO HOURS!
Alex, I need new shoes, she said today.
Well, honey, I got you something with a perfect snug fit that will last you a lifetime.

Sophie

I sit at a local bar, waiting for a stranger.
This happens so often I know the outcome by heart.
He’s just outside.
Ring removed, he enters and notices me alone.
After a few drinks and small talk, he excuses himself and looks back, wondering if I’ll still be here when he returns… I will be.
As we leave together he chuckles and asks me what my name is…again. I smile to hide my irritation and say “Sally”.
He doesn’t know that this little liaison will cost him his life…cement shoes in the nearest lake, courtesy of his wife.

Ashley

“So where’s the money you borrowed?” asked the old man.
“You tryin to make me look like a clown?
“How bout I fill some really big clown shoes with concrete, then stick your feet in. Then I drop you in a nice deep river wearing those concrete shoes. Then who look like a clown, eh?”
The kid slapped a twenty into the old man’s hand. “Jeez dad, here’s the money. What’s with all the drama?”
Then she flashed him a smile radiant as sunshine, snatched the money back and prissed right out the door.
Smiling, the old man said, “typical.”

Guy

They where perfectly shaped. They knew they would fit him perfectly. The three friends nodded silently. They would have to wait for night time to secure them to his tiny, pixelated feet. Soon they found him snoring, face down on his typewriter, sleeping soundly. He didn’t wake up when they slipped them on his feet. They took his little boat for a spin and tossed him overboard. He sinked down in the murky waters. “That’s one sound sleeper” said the woman’s cockatoo in laughter. The Podmafia took the boat back ashore and left Mariner at bottom of the Edloe river.

Justin

No Louis, those aren’t concrete shoes, we are a lot more sophisticated in the twenty-fourth and a half century. I put neutronium shoes on those late paying feet of yours. They are extremely heavy, but, you can’t tell yet because that airlock is fitted with an anti-gravity generator. You will be able to though when I press this little button and you get sucked out into space. The extreme gravity of the shoes will crush you! Wait, what are you doing! Don’t turn off the anti-gravity generator!
For eternity, Vinnie knew what it was like to be in Louis’s shoes.

Norval Joe

Two huge men stood in the doorway of the shoe repair shop.
“Joey, Tony, whadaya talking about? You know me, I’m your uncle. I’m just an old shoemaker,” the elderly man plead.
“We have a glue; comes from Germany called Renia multicolle. We have another one, called superset; its an ugly yellow color. The one shoemakers like to use most is call ‘Barge Cement’. I can custom make you some shoes, and I can even cement the soles on, but if you want cement shoes, you gotta talk to somebody else.”
“Give your mother my love.”
“Sheesh, kids these days.”

Terrence

His brother stood, his arms stretched out, “What do you think?”
“I am surprised you have not lost your head,” Raoul rubbed his forehead slowly, “again.”
“You think I need a matching coat?” Raoul shook his head, “A hat then?”
“Where did you get the idea?”
“What? I’ve seen a lot of people wearing them. It’s the latest fashion”
“They were all dead, right?”
“At the bottom of the river, how did you know?”
“You do not think the shoes had something to do with it?”
“I’m not stupid.” Death replied. “They really should have been more careful around water.”

Anima

Some say Italians make the best shoes: supple leather loafers, spiky fashion heels, sturdy Alp summitting boots. I despise concrete shoes…
I prefer abstract footwear, known as shoeness in certain circles. My favorite designer, Lincoln Haddock, conceives shoeness that allows toes to express their individual “phalangeness”. He sees them as splatter-colored chaotic motion ideas for feet. I’ve never seen my Haddock’s, but they go with positively everything, and are always a perfect fit. They feel like walking on the beach, without the grit.
Waiter, can I please order now?
What do you mean, “No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service?”

Tom

The Palermo and Sons shingle had hung in the Near Northside neighbor since 1888. Purveyors of fine shoes for a discrete circle of businessmen using a Roman process over 2000 years old. The delicate detaining and classic lines no one who ever stepped into a Palermo shoe ever voiced a complaint. In 1902 Joe Palermo started adding a Portland product to stiffen up the instep. Traditionally the shoes were placed in a white oak barrel lined with straw in the 1930s the barrel was replaced with the now ubiquitous 55 gallon drum proudly baring the Palermo motto: Somnus Cum Piscis

Planet Z

Welcome to the Palace.
That statue of Queen Margaret The Easily Pissed Off consists of 50 tons of steel and 300 tons of concrete. It took 4 years to complete, fabricated off-site and assembled in blocks.
Even though only her upper half is visible, the statue is actually complete. Below ground her body extends, all the way to her royal footwear.
The stairs down to that level are being repaired, the target of an antiroyalist bombing. So, instead, we will proceed to Queen Margaret’s corpse gardens.
Perhaps you will recognize some of the newer residents – those antiroyalist bombers, for instance.

The Feeding

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With horror bubbling in her throat, Lisa ran a finger along the last wrinkle in her face.
“One more child should do it,” she told her servants. “Not too young. I do not want to overfeed.”
That night, in a burlap sack, they dragged a peasant boy up from the village into Blackmoor Manor.
“Still alive. Good,” said Lisa. “Lock the door. No visitors.”
As Lisa cleansed the ritual knife, the angry mob made its way up the stone path to the manor.
Looking at the pitchforks and torches, her servants decided they were no visitors, and made their escape.