Author: R.

London Rally

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For pictures of the rally, go to Andrew’s Web Site:

The London rally went rather well; about 1000 people showed up to express their distaste for those who attack free expression. No doubt the complete lack of possibility of a riot made it rather uninteresting for the MSM and it was rather damp. The only bit of controversy was the fact that a few people showed up with Danish flags and those infamous Mohammed Cartoons. This was against the wishes of the organisers. Lots of police were there take photos of the rabble-rousers. Various political factions attended. You can find a link to shots of the rally at my blog.

Hedges

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Every day I wake up, I put on my robe and head for the center of the hedgemaze where servants have placed my medicine.
You’d think I could navigate in my sleep by now, but the hedges are mounted on special tracks of my own design, allowing them to be rearranged into new configurations and challenges.
Lawson the Mazemaster waits in the middle, sipping tea and reading my papers. The sooner I solve his creation, the less of my crosswords he’ll finish.
My butler hands me a sword. “Five minotaurs today,” he says.
Ah, medicine and exercise. My quest begins!

Lemons and Limes

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When I drink my iced tea, I like it with lemon.
I also like it with lime.
So, I keep a bag of lemons and limes handy. When I want tea, I close my eyes and pull something out of the bag. Then I squeeze it into my iced tea.
I’m never unhappy with my selection because I like lemons and limes equally.
One day, I reached in and pulled something out that wasn’t a lemon or a lime
It was an aborted fetus.
It wasn’t good in my tea at all.
But it was great with lemon. Or lime.

Not Dice

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Einstein said that God does not play dice with the universe, and I believe he’s right.
So for the past thirty years, I’ve been trying to determine exactly what game God does play with the universe.
Bouncing quarters in the Holy Grail?
Perhaps.
It wasn’t easy getting the research grants, but when the government doubted and withdrew support, private sources of funding kept the faith.
After all, what casino wouldn’t want to claim to have exclusive rights to the Divine Game. If they’re willing to build volcanoes, replicate cities, and buy holy grilled cheese sandwiches, why not this as well?

Angels on the radar

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By adjusting the sensitivity, power, angle, and reflectivity of a weather radar, you can detect some interesting things out in the heavens.
If you’re really good, you might even find signs of heaven itself.
Now, I won’t tell you the exact settings you need, but imagine the shock when I twiddled a few dials and came up with a squadron of angels sweeping over the land.
Or maybe they were ghosts. I’m not sure. I’ve still got a lot of research to do.
What Nobel Prize category should this be under? Do you think I have a shot at winning?

Speech

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It’s time for a speech by Jim S. the Folderman…

Satisfied, I stepped back from the podium. The speech had gone well enough. Well, better than could be expected, considering the ugly circumstances which made it necessary.
It was never easy to personally deliver one’s swansong and I’d done the best I could. Now the rest was in other hands.
At the bottom of the steps, my faithful secretary waited.
“Good speech, sir.” She said, “but not good enough…”
Snapping out of my brooding, I looked up and was greeted by the discharge from her gun.
DAMN! I knew it was coming, but I NEVER thought it would be her!

Footie

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Andrew Ian Dodge is into feet? No, he’s into footies… um… what’s a footie?

Sitting here alone & bored
I am footie husband
Sitting here in Peckham
As the wife drools over Beckham
Sitting here going all loony
Watching her crave Roony
I am into rock and roll
Not watching boys with a balls
Hanging out jamming a tune
Wanting England to end their run
Give me back my lover
My footie mad womin
Please let it be over
So’I can git some lovin
Not another nineteen-sixty-six
Would put us in a fix
She maxed the cards out
Now we have nowt
England please lose it
England please lose it
Don’t score no more

Judenhassery

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Red Ken Livingstone is back at it again…

Mayor Ken is in trouble again for judenhassery. This time he suggested Jewish property developing brothers, the Reubens, whom he dislikes, go to Iran. And we all know Iran is a place where they are such big fans of Israel and the Jews they want to wipe them off face of the earth. The Mayor wants land the Reuben brothers own and they refuse to sell for what he wants to pay. Oh yes, and unlike last time where he was recorded on a rubbish tape-recorder, this time he made his anti-Jew comments in front of a press conference.

Chicken

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Why did the chicken cross the road?
I’ve spent my life trying to find the answer. It hasn’t been easy, considering that the government won’t give me a grant to research the issue fully. However, thanks to some generous contributions from the Tyson Corporation and Bo Pilgrim, I think I have the answer once and for all.
No, it’s not just about getting to the other side. It’s more.
I need to hurry up, though. Chickens are being slaughtered across the planet because of bird flu, and there may not be any left by the time my research is complete.

Mad

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Jim S. answers the people who wonder why he is so mad…

Why are you so mad?
For some reason, people ask me that all the time.
It could be the steady diet of gansta rap, heavy metal and punk rock. You see; nothing gets done without music and most if it is from those genres.
Nah.
It could be my childhood and the fact that my mother and I were at each other’s throats most of it. I AM a middle child after all.
Definitely not.
It’s the fact that I’m a thinking man and I can’t withstand the day-to-day barrage of dum-dums. It’s more than a mere mortal can take.