Author: R.

Helen of Troy‘s sister Bertha also had a face that launch 1000 ships. However, it wasn’t her beauty that urged 1000 ships of warriors to come fight to capture her, because Bertha was really ugly. Despite Royal decrees ordering man after man to marry her, her unwilling suitors fled by the boatload. Eventually, the kingdom was empty of marriage material. Even the blind would flee her presence. That’s how ugly she was. She ended up marrying a wooden mannequin. But in the middle of the night, it threw itself into the fireplace. Archimedes invented the paper bag for her head.

I can’t remember the word for it, but sometimes a word represents a greater concept. Like saying, the crown rules, a kingdom. In the kingdom of the Westlands, the Crown literally rules the kingdom. It is a sentient powerful artifact that takes over the mind of whomever wears it. It has passed down through the royal family. With some rulers, is satisfies it’s lust for blood, engaging in wars and purges. With others, it’s satisfies it’s colonel lust with orgies and banquets. As the body succumbs to excess, a coronation is planned, and the crown prepares to rule once again.

Zippidee Doodah was dressed in diamond encrusted golden robes. He waved his glittering staff at the crowd. Dancing and singing along, the wave of bodies flowed down the avenue. A sea of debauched blissful revelry. Mugs of various drinks were passed around, emptied, and thrown to the ground to make room for more that the barkeepers gladly provided. The parade left a trail of coins and wallets that more than made up for the cost of drinks and damage. when the parade reached the end of town, the king waved his staff and disappeared. The crowd no longer spellbound, dispersed.

After the Jewish expulsion from Anatevka, Tevye was approached by Hollywood agents. We would love to turn your story into a musical. Tevye being illiterate had to perform all the songs for the composers to transcribe. He was all put off by zero Mostel and Maximilian Shell being cast as him, considering he was a skinny bald guy, and those two were giant hairy dudes. The play was a smash hit, Tevye produced a sequel where the featured song was. I am a rich man. That play bombed. He lost everything. Even the house with the longer stairway coming down.

The brochure called it a retirement community, but it was really a rundown hotel, where people waited to die. Sure there was a cafeteria in the lobby, but the food there rivaled the swill dished out in prison. They used to leave the rooms unfurnished, so the residents could bring in the trappings of home in a long lifetime of memories, but far too many former customers left their possessions for the staff to dump at Goodwill. Eventually, they just left everything there and said it was furnished. Including framed photos and clothes in the dressers and their nasty toothbrushes.

They say that those who can’t do teach. So when I got a copy of Mavis Beacon teaches typing, I wrote her a letter saying that I was her number one biggest fan. And sure enough I got back the most jumbled mess of a type written letter I’d ever seen. This was serial killer level of creepy. Letter to the editor from a dementia written, crank, quality of spelling and grammar with over typed mistakes and typing errors and infinite number of monkeys couldn’t accomplish. But, man, she was one hell of a teacher as I type this now.

The first time Joey saw a salad bar, he was overwhelmed by all of the things laid out and arranged at the table. He loaded up his plate with croutons and a small pudding dish of ranch dressing. From that day on, all he would ever get from salad bars were the croutons and ranch dressing. His mother would scold him, set the plate aside, and make another plate for him. Keep with a variety of vegetables. But Joey would just sit there and stare at it until it was time to leave. And he would dream of his croutons.

The Guinness Book of World Records does not recognize the tallest column of Kraft Parmesan cheese canisters stacked, but if it did, it still wouldn’t recognize Maurice Flambo of Antwerp. At a public exhibition, he stacked 174 of the green canisters. He used a fire truck ladder to achieve the great height. The column stood for five minutes before a gust of wind brought it down. And then the uproarious applause died down and was replaced with shots of anger when it was discovered that the ends of the cylinders were coated with adhesive. Maurice never attempted the stunt ever again.

Sigrid was a pretty good troll hunter. He wasn’t the best, but when John the Bold wasn’t available, or the patron was on a limited budget, Sigrid was a reasonable choice. Sometimes his work took a little longer, and there would be collateral damage, but Sigrid got the job done. His online reviews weren’t as positive as John’s but when Sigrid hunted a troll that troll stayed hunted. John kept a dungeon full of trolls, and if he got a bad review, he would threaten to let those trolls loose again. Sigrid had more honor than to violate a contract.