Category: John Musico

John,
M.D. that is.
An ounce of prevention, a.k.a.
Beware, the south is different…

They smile politely as your disparate ways offend them. Complaining, without invitation, is impolite. Also, you should look the part: a physician looks, speaks, dresses, even smells like one. I show up from NY, in wrinkled scrubs, smelling like an ashtray, and swearing like a dockyard guy. That patient, a Baptist preacher; was shocked by me. Further, because I didn’t ask if there was something I didn’t cover; he didn’t say, then whined I didn’t even cover his concerns. He shook my hand, smiled pleasantly… then reported me”
I’m up on charges of “conduct unbecoming”- because of that asshole preacher.

John
Try

My childhood dog should’ve been named Rocky Balboa. Not a big dog, but he never lost a fight. Each jab at his opponent: small and ineffectual, however, he just kept at it. Finally the small spears in his opponent’s side mounted, and though more wounded; that mutt won again. They say try, try, and then just giving up; is wise. If it aint working out, spend your time on the easy wins. I feel that’s a rationalization not to allow yourself to prove your own inadequacy at the big wins. My dog would agree. I say; “Strive to win, always”.

John
The anniversary gifts proved telling…

1 paper: that marriage certificate, so final.
2 cotton; that stuff I learned to stuff in my ears to get by.
3 leather; handy to spice up sex night.
4 silk: ends up she’d rather look elegant to women competitors.
5 wood; the consequent hopeful turgor of my member.
6 iron: as in ironing; my fun weekends.
7 wool: the stuff you pull over your eyes when she’s gettin saggy.
8 bronze: what I casted the carcass of that miserable dog in.
9 pottery: more attic stuff.
10 tin: where I tossed that marriage certificate before alimony was for life.

John
Cheese

Seems one question often leads to another. I asked myself; “Why does Swiss cheese have holes?”
Bacteria are what ferment milk into cheese.
The bacteria used in Switzerland fart out carbon dioxide gas as they graze which forms the bubbles.
Why then doesn’t all cheese have holes? Pretty simple really; various bacteria are used for cheese and not all of them fart gas. Strep and Lactobacillus pee lactic acid which Proprionibacteria change to Co2, and vinegar; giving Swiss it’s flavor. If you want bigger holes; use more gas bacteria, cook longer, and at higher temperatures. Hope you still enjoy cheese!

John Musico
Pan is Everything

Dr Miskavitch explained; “Pan, derived for the Latin for everywhere, is the true form of the universe. It is the mirror image of matter. It is like an invisible vase that surrounds the water and mandates the “floating” water’s shape.
It is the reflection reflection of matter. It is the “Pan’s” changes which governs mater around it- secondarily.
Pan is the eternal, living, breathing universe merely experienced as solid matter. What seems the emptiness of a hole in the ground is instead what holds the walls up around the hole.
His students were entrenched by this amazing concept. One collapsed.

John
Just Some Initials

Retiring from the lovely Federal Government involves a final step termed; “exiting out”. There is a form…with every conceivable department listed: from uniforms to the library. The retiree must walk to every single one of them and get initials, in ink; that no money is owed. My supervisor said; “It’s not so bad, just takes a few hours”. I returned once again to the last building where the signer was not available. That day, it was a frigid 23 degrees and gusts of blistering wind assaulted my face for getting; “Just a few initials”. Thank God, I’m finally retiring.

The Goddess of XX

In the schoolyard, escalating bickering among boys culminates in chapter two: a fistfight. For girls, chapter two is advanced bickering. Further, all girls seek to be the queen bee: “The Goddess of XX” (chromosomes that is). Men merely want to be left alone; few care to be alpha dog. Since a man, short that second X; may not punch a woman; he will never win an argument with a woman. Men are still back at bickering 101 and up against women who are seasoned lawyers. Then again, there’s Dirty Harry- press him; and get punched in the face, even women.

John
The Rollercoaster

There’s monthly long acting pain meds which, if enough, make short acting pain meds “as needed” not needed. Patients loose count of the as needed meds and use the supply before the months end, then when refilled, jonesing and in pain, do it again thereafter- anchored to the jonesing and ongoing pain cycles. It’s not to get high, rather, to quench the withdrawal and the tolerance accrued early last month. It’s called the rollercoaster.
Doctors view these medically induced haggard patients as drug seekers rather than face that they misestimated the dose of the medicines.
The drug rollercoaster rolls on…

John
Fit

Jessabelle finally mustered the bravado to overcome her shame and made an appointment with a psychiatrist for her nymphomania. He considered what might instead be temporal lobe seizures.
One week of antiseizure meds later, she was cured. She had become accustomed to her daily orgasms. Not long after, she found herself backing down on the medicine. One her next psychiatric follow up appointment, the doctor inquired; “So, have those fits quieted down?” She confessed to her noncompliance and her return to near daily orgasms. The doctor declared; “It seems we have narrowed down your definitive diagnosis; you are a nymphomaniac”.

John
Dwarf Morph

She was not a women or even a person; just a freak dwarf. The genetics of her dwarfism gave her a 25% shot if bred with a regular guy; that her offspring would be normal as she so craved. But who would sleep with a freak? A pervert website afforded her mating prey and lying about the pill; she was soon pregnant. When her belly swelled disproportionately; she smiled. Her transformation to normalcy was soon coming. But as the term grew near, the burden was too great and she died in childbirth; a dead freak with a very swollen belly.