In the future, there is no such thing as silence.
No matter where you go, there is always noise somewhere.
Silence must be purchased, and it is kept in vaults deep underground.
I slide my palm over the reader, a light flashes green, and an armed guard escorts me down a dark hallway to the elevator.
Down… down we go.
I follow the lights, walk into a vault, and press a button to close the door.
The noise vanishes.
I sigh with relief, close my eyes, and smile.
The buzzer will come eventually. Until then, I will enjoy this peace.
Category: My stories
Harvesting Shadows
The best times to harvest shadows are at sunset and sunrise when they grow the longest.
They’re harder to cut, though… so most mages wait until noontime, when the sun is brighter.
Natural shadows are best for magic spells.
No self-respecting wizard would use a shadow made by torchlight or candlelight for an important spell. They do not have the same power. And they are wilder, harder to control.
And harvesting your own is important. Residual aura conflict can result in spectral friction.
Which causes explosions.
And for us to bill your parents for the damage to our labs, student.
Running With
Fernando’s greatest wish was to run with the bulls.
He spent years training, running and leaping over obstacles in the alley behind his family’s restaurant.
Finally, after years of pleading, his parents let him off work to finally do it.
He was gored through the chest in five seconds… but, he survived.
After hours of surgery, the doctors determined that if they removed the horn from his heart, it would kill him, so they cut it off the bull and left it in there.
The family asked “Can we keep the rest of the bull to butcher for the restaurant?”
Thirst
Children have such a thirst for knowledge.
Thanks to Liquid School, we can satisfy that thirst, giving kids all the essential facts, figures, formulas, and skills a growing child needs.
Nanobots with memory engram patterns read the brains of volunteers, undergo a strict review process, and then get transplanted into students through minimally-invasive surgery.
Results have been phenomenal, although there is always the risk of unintentional engram overwrites or misalignment of memory maps.
This is why you should back up your data and child every night to avoid data loss or corruption.
(Unless you like them better as a chicken.)
Target Cat
Nardo is a classic ginger tabby cat.
His coat is two different shades of orange in a swirling pattern.
On either side, it looks like he’s got some kind of target.
Well, it looked like.
He’s sixteen years old, and what he hasn’t licked out from his coat, he’s worn out.
Still, when he’s curled up on the bed with his “good” side facing up, I can still see the target on his side.
I reach down to pet him on the target.
His eyes open slowly…
And he bites my hand.
Yeah, the little furry bastard still has it.
Checkers
You play checkers your way.
I play it my way.
I like to stack all the checkers on the board into a tower and tell them “I am the twenty-fifth checker. I rule over you all.”
The checkers stand there, wobbling slightly, then… they are still.
I command them to bow.
I command them to worship me.
I command them to do as I say.
They do nothing.
They defy me.
So, I sweep my hand through the tower and cast the checkers into all directions.
Sitting there, I wait… waiting…
And then, laughing madly, gather up the checkers again.
Shuggoth
I remember back when Chunky soup said they could be eaten with a fork.
These days, you need a gun and knife.
Yeah, I know. Cream Of Shuggoth Soup is crazy, right? But it’s cheap and nutritious, so the soup kitchens in New England have been buying it by the barrel.
The shuggoth are supposed to be killed before getting chopped up and dumped in the soup, but every now and then a tentacle survives the boiling process and you end up with a regrettable incident.
Just read the label and don’t microwave the stuff.
(The magnetrons revive the things.)
A Loss Of Wax
The museum has a very large collection of wax cylinder recordings, but the ones they display in the museum are all replicas.
The real ones are restricted to researchers like me, and after years of testing, my laser-reader is ready to finish digitizing them all.
I showed up with my equipment, and was quickly escorted to the stairway down.
“There was an electrical fire in a storage room,” says the facilities manager. “The sprinklers weren’t enough. Whatever didn’t burn, warped and melted.”
We slosh through the basement and pull aside a charred door.
Looking upon the ugly ruin, I wept.
Pasta Beauty
It is said that tortellini was created by an innkeeper who peeked into the goddess Venus’ room and, awestruck by a glimpse of her navel, he was inspired to bolt to the kitchen where he messed around with meat and pasta.
The same could be said of elbow pasta and the ropy joints of Olive Oyl from cartoons. Although in her case, it’s the least-unattractive part of her by far.
Whatever did Popeye and Bluto ever see in that anorexic freakjob, anyway?
They must have been out to sea a very long time to think she was worth fighting over.
Herpetology
One glance, and the gaze of Medusa the Gorgon will turn you to stone.
However, being Greek, she has access to free state-provided healthcare.
We all have rights, even criminals and legendary monsters, no?
Monster… such a cruel term… when you get to know her, she’s not all that bad.
Zeus may have robbed her of outer beauty, but not her inner charm.
And you don’t have to look in her eyes to give her a pelvic examination. And you can cover them for dental work.
But of all the ophthalmologists in Athens, why did she have to pick me?