Weekly Challenge #417 – Cool

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was COOL.

We’ve got stories by:

The next 100 word stories weekly challenge is on the topic of RUN

Bag of Squeakies Tinny

Finally, if there are any errors or corrections, please let me know, and I’ll fix them as soon as possible.

JOHN MUSICO

“NJ Physician Loses His Mind” by John Musico M.D.

I Ran my garaged summer convertible on the driveway to maintain the battery.
The removable hardtop is too heavy to put back on during winters.
I fell asleep. Snowed that night. Ran out of gas; key turned- the battery died.
After AAA’s gallon and jump, I had to get more gas, quick. I dug out a hole in the driver’s seat. Drove to the gas station; top off, car and hair full of snow. The gas station attendant’s only conclusion is I’d totally lost my mind: top down, drove till I ran low on gas. He approached the car cautiously…

JEFFREY

Cool
by Jeffrey Fischer

“I’m the boss man, I’m the epitome of cool.” Frank leaned back in his chair and fiddled with the lever to no avail. “You can call me Li’l E-Z Daddy Puffy, ’cause I’m da bomb.” He made several hand motions that had no apparent meaning.

Megan stared at her father. “Daddy, I’m eight, not stupid. Daddies are *not* cool, and you can’t come with us to see Hunter Hayes. Caitlin’s mom is driving, and *she’s* cool.”

“I didn’t really want to go anyway. You and Caitlin have a good time.” Inwardly, however, Frank pouted.

Too Cool
by Jeffrey Fischer

For years, Alan complained he was too hot in his office at the cryogenic storage firm. His boss tried to accommodate Alan by turning down the thermostat, but that just made everyone else cranky and didn’t satisfy Alan, who demanded further drops in the temperature.

Fed up with the complaints and lawsuit threats, Alan’s boss took matters into his own hands. He dragged Alan from his office to the cryogenic chamber, throwing the protesting employee inside and bolting shut the door.

“I hope that’s cool enough for you!” he bellowed, twisting the thermostat as far to the left as it would go.

Drinking the Kool-Aid
by Jeffrey Fischer

They promised health insurance to all, at low cost, despite mandating all sorts of goodies that drove up cost and despite higher demand. To that end, they cancelled millions of policies, dumped millions more into Medicaid – not an insurance plan – and imposed penalties on those who did not comply.

Unsurprisingly, rates rose and will rise still further as adverse selection becomes evident. Net enrollment barely changed despite the millions spent and the threats and scolding. Individuals lost long-term relationships with their doctors.

They called it a resounding success.

The spirit of Jim Jones lives on.

RICHARD

#1 – George’s Story: Part 54 – Uncool

George frowned at Emily, waving away the proffered reefer.

“That’s not cool you know!”

“What’s the harm in it”, she countered, “Society is crumbling around us, I hardly think smoking a little weed is that big a deal right now.”

George sighed. She had a point, but he couldn’t help feeling they should keep their wits about them, considering the circumstances. The last thing they wanted was to be stoned if they were about to be attacked by zombies. He told her as much.

“What zombies?”, she asked truculently, blew smoke in his face and walked out of the room.

#2 – Cool

How do you measure cool?

It was an interesting question – possibly one of the most entertaining the sociology class had faced. If nothing else, it gave an excuse to undertake some rather questionable activities in dubious locations, and mix with some fairly radical characters, all in the name of ‘research’.

Eventually, we settled – for no real reason, other than it was a cool thing to do – on using the Celsius scale.

Paradoxically, the hotter we rated something, the cooler it was considered.

The teacher thought our idea was a good eighty-five degrees Celsius… pretty damn cool, I reckon!

#3 – Defrosted

When the freezers fused, all hell broke loose. It seems no-one had realised the backup generators were on the same circuit. Typically, it happened over the holiday, so the first we knew about it was on the Tuesday morning after the long weekend.

The smell warned us something had gone badly wrong, and when we checked the instruments, our worst fears were realized.

At best, the cryo-chambers could be described as ‘cool’ – they should have been frozen solid. As for the bodies inside, preserved for future re-awakening… mush.

“Such a shame”, I thought, pouring Walt Disney’s remains down the toilet.

TURA

“Cool”, or, “Last in, first out”.
——–
Nowadays, we can easily freeze and revive someone. But before Quantum Entanglement Cooling was invented, cryonicists would infuse every cell of the body with toxic antifreeze, then store it in liquid nitrogen. We’ve just got to where we can revive mice frozen that way. Maybe in ten years we can start reviving the people.

Back in the early 21st century, they just pumped antifreeze into the bloodstream and hoped. Every cell membrane shattered when they froze the bodies. In theory they’re still revivable, but in practice it’s a century away. As it has been for the three centuries since then.

JEFF

Yeah …That Wasn’t Cool

A neighbor living two blocks away, strangely started to strike up a conversation whenever our paths crossed.

“Can you get me an appointment on the internet at the prefecture?”

“Sure, swing by my house in the evening.”

Later, he wanted me to order a book on Amazon. I said I didn’t have a credit card, so he gave me his.

A week later I called him. “Did you get the book?”

“Yes. By the way, can you come along with me to the prefecture because my English is poor. “

“Sorry, I can’t hear you…Do you hear me? … Bye.”

DIONYSIS

Cool Dad (Story #1)

A photograph shows my father staring at the camera, interested but cool, about six months old.

My mother found this attitude toward her and the world romantic and wise at first, then intolerable. She decided to make her man over from the ground up. When he responded with the same affectlessness, her suggestions became vituperative rants — but these were observed and catalogued with the same curious stare.

When he approached death, after a short illness, we observed him in the same way. How would he react? Oddly, I now find that the world often looks on me with the same indifference, and I find it soothing.

Loocing (Cool Story #2)

Coomoistle darkenesse far as wee couldna see. It was the sound of time lapping at our snores.

“This way.”

“And what way uis that, my dear?”

“The way we’ve just come from now, by its looks.”

“And yet the way we must likely go now, by its.”

‘We must or another,” I said.

We stood with the unseeable look of the lack of deciding on each dark face until unreasonably we stumbled off.

It was some small dark object that brought me down to my surprise. But upon contact, my smear unoccluded went through the dark ground and light from there shone.

We had!

SERENDIPITY

Her skin was cool to the touch.

Certainly not feverishly hot, but neither did it have that warm, comforting feel of health and vitality. It was distinctly unwelcoming, unpleasant and very disconcerting.

You wouldn’t want to hold her hand, or hold her closely, skin against skin – you would shrink from her pallid fingers and feel a compulsion to pull away from her embrace; your instincts compelling you to avoid the other-worldly coolness of her touch.

I looked into her eyes, gently resting my hand against the softness of her cold cheek.

Time of death? Somewhere around three hours ago.

CHELSEA

I was never one of the cool kids. I spent my life on the outside looking in wondering what it meant to be “cool”.

I looked for some quantifiable “thing” that connected all the cool kids and set them apart from kids like me.

It took me into my late twenties to figure it out, the cool people were the ones who were uncomfortable with who they were. The ones who felt the need to belong in one way or another and that was never me.

Oh well, guess I’ll never be cool. But that’s okay, because I like me.

MUNSI

Crisis in Education

By Christopher Munroe

He was too cool for school.

But too legit to quit.

And this, in a nutshell, was the crux of his dilemma.

Would he stay, and lose the cool he’d worked so hard to cultivate, or quit, and in quitting be delegitimized in front of his peers? Quitters never win, but would caring about such victory damage his unflappable personae?

Somebody had to let him know.

Should he stay, or should he go?

In the end, he made no choice at all, and was expelled in a hail of scandal and bitter recrimination.

No longer cool, nor legit.

Merely unwanted.

TOM

A Well Defined Relationship Part 45
For the first time since he had begun this journey with his mother Timmy
was totally alone, which lasted all of 15 minutes. “Hello there Pilgrim,”
said the voice. “Oh, great, “thought Timmy,” another spontaneous acolytes
cozying up to their reluctant profit. Timmy turned, gasped, fell to his
knees. “ITS YOU!” Radiant as a burning bush the Duke smiled. “Timothy.”
“Yes Duke.” “Call me Marion.” How about Mr. Morrison?” “That’ll due Kid.
Shit is about to hit the fan. 40 pistol wheeling desperadoes mean to turn
this place into a ghost town.” “What can I do?” asked Timmy “Stay Cool.”

My My Hey Hey [it’s better to burn out then fade away]

Rath Waxman was the coolest kid in my high school. In four years I never
saw a single word exchanged in his presences. Just the slightest of nods,
a 2 degrees tip and a reserve expression of all knowing. Rath was the lead
singer in the school’s house band, a rock and roll Sartre god. At my 40th
high school reunion this rather wrinkled and crumpled guy dusted in
graying age was promoting his self-published CD. In the class bio it read:
Rath Waxman high school councilor 25 years of service. How age takes us
all from cool to cold.

SINGH

31.1

The station cab set them down in Mohali,

a satellite city flanking Chandigarh

outside a red-brick house. A gate sign read:

Guru ki Sharan Home.

“Come, Sant ji.

I have some work. We will stay tonight.”

Amrik knocked on the door. A young girl opened

in white Punjabi suit and dark-blue turban.

“Uncle Ji!” She said with folded palms:

“Waheguru ji ka Khalsa.”

Amrik

added “Waheguru ji ki Fateh!”

Is Bibi ji here? I have brought a friend.”

“This way Uncle. She is sitting in office.”

“Very good Betay*. Your English is improving.”

Yogi smiling, followed on behind.

31.2

A host of little turbans peeped from rooms.

“Uncle Ji!” chorused girlish giggles. Led

to Bibi ji,* they both shared the Khalsa

greeting (spoken Singh to Singh) originating

from the Tenth Sikh master.

“Sant ji, meet my sister,

Amar Kaur. She cares for widows, daughters

and the orphans.”

“Sat Sri Akal,” said Yogi.

Amrik had coached him in the Sikh hello-goodbye,

their ‘Namaste’ suitable for anyone to use

and also meaning: The Truth lives on forever.

“I’m very happy to meet you, Bibi ji.

I didn’t know Amrik had a sister.”

Both of them laughed, sharing a private joke.

31.3

She wore the same white clothes and ladies’ turban

draped with chiffon, along with a curved knife

on shoulder baldric.

“She’s a pukka Sikh.

Bibi ji follows to the letter the Guru’s code;

while I dye my beard, tie and primp it up

neat for business, or so I tell myself.

I should keep a lion-mane look like yours.”

Yogi had forgotten his bearded locks, and felt

more mock-hippy with his shin-length robe.

Just then, they heard a baby.

“Please wait,” said Amar.

She then returned, nursing an infant — another

moonshine doorstep baby, left in the cool night.

31.4

It was time. Amrik explained their visit:

The refuge housed 65 ruined lives —

widows and daughters, orphans of separatists

killed in armed police encounters after

Indira Gandhi attacked the Golden Temple

with troops and tanks in 1984

and other leading Sikh shrines of the country.

Thousands died through army massacres.

The pogroms led to angered insurrection

calling for creation of Khalistan,

a buffer country next to Pakistan.

A decade of guerrilla war ensued

dividing Sikh from Hindu, once close-knit

communities who inter-married,

with the eldest son often becoming Sikh.

Guru ki Sharan meant ‘The Guru’s Shelter’.

31.5

As Amar Kaur bottle-fed the child

Amrik Singh went on with his history

the residual grievances about Punjab,

and Nehru’s broken pledges after Partition.

“Who can think we are not Indian?”

Yogi was lost. India should mean shantih,

not loggerhead minorities at war.

The mooting of a land-locked Khalistan

seemed pure fan fiction.

“Now our boys

have been led astray. With “lakhs* now dead.”

Amar said: “Waheguru!”

Amrik described

Punjab as a lone woman in white dress

lying sideways with a gaping stomach wound,

her soul-blood history leaking away like oil.

“Now we have a generation of orphans.”

Lakh – 100,000

31.6

“Our girls are trying to rebuild lives from nothing.”

“So are there only girls and widows here?”

“Yes,” continued Amrik. “Men burn and fight,

fight and die, but women are our ghee-lamps.

They keep alight the flame and pass it on.”

Amar broke in: “He is right. India has

long believed the fiction that a woman

hasn’t a soul. We are helping her find it.

One day she will be the best guru

of her children and life’s storyteller.

I see you play an instrument, Yogiji.

Later on, will you play for us?

Our girls are talented with shabad kirtan.” *

Sikh sacred devotional song

31.7

It was expected, but he wanted to stay silent.

After Amrik, he knew this was another

house of music and felt less ‘the star’.

He should let hostesses lead the way.

With classical Hindustani he was an infant.

The corridor Singhni,* who had greeted them

sat at the harmonium, and another lass

in dark-blue turban, white suit, stocky body

tuned the tablas with some chunky whacks

touching the treble head with silver hammer

to meet the fundamental of the singer.

Another bowed a sitar-neck-like object

with the mournfulness of a dying swan.

Amrik said: “it’s called the dilbruba.”

*Singhni, a female Singh, a woman of the Sikh faith

31.8

“Guru ki Sharan” was chorused again and again.

He thought it was the Home’s well-chosen theme song.

Their angelic voices overwrote life’s pain,

and lifted them to the plane past right and wrong.

Closing eyes he submitted without understanding

inside this singing garden, this fragrant psalm.

The tight rose of the heart began expanding

pushing to sun, then grounding him in calm.

His music by the look of it reached out,

yet this shabad kirtan performed the opposite,

and it did not seem to have one shred of doubt,

and sang without ambition as singing reached It.

31.9

He was lifted

from peaks to clouds

and further on

to the end of place

distant and wide

it made him feel

how small he was

on an aural bridge

built from the nothing

sound voice-printing

bricks in the air

instruments playing

with no musicians

expanding him further

stepping up notes

lifting with heart

and moving en masse

they walked across

then bounced on air

and bounced again

until an earth voice

was calling him down

it was Amrik Singh

riding above

the refrain of girls

joining together

no one bigger

no one smaller

asking him

to unzip and play

his cracked guitar

31.10

The guitar is longing for the tablas

the tablas are longing for the voice

the voice is longing for the breath

and the breath is longing for the ether

the ether is longing for the spark

the spark is longing for the skin

the skin is longing for the touch

and the touch is waiting for the touch

the touch is hoping for the cheek

the cheek is planning for the hand

the hand is reaching for the lips

and the lips are closing on the lips

the lips are running with the salt

the salt is smarting in the mouth

the mouth is reaching for the word

and the word is gasping in the sea

31.11

Yogi remembered a shelly beach with Margot.

They picnicked near Cape Jarvis for the day,

a tartan rug with the girls beyond sand tussocks

where wind creeps up and whispers in the ear:

don’t forget what you saw along the way–

blonde paddocks creeping to the hills,

orchard plots and grids of vineyard green,

the highway hugging your car along the coast,

the blue-green seagull surf-line lapping land

to the fingertip of a peninsular.

The ocean calls to reach with one desire.

Remember you are part of something vast.

A day of family, whale-watching and much peace.

31.12

Does faith alone open through the forehead

to feel and see things beyond a sitting room?

He had sat down humbled by some little girls

with purer hearts, and let go of his pride.

So far, he had always gone it alone,

flittering from the shifting ordinals —

from birth, from book to book, from state to state

without clear purpose, except an urge to find

some place or person who might be a home.

These orphans of militants had been forced

to ask the question: how to make a stand?

To sit down here and now and sing, just sing.

31.13 Firefly

It was getting dark. Yogi felt the need

for fresh air. The sun was setting fast:

an orange sea with drifting swan of cloud

passed over the epiball of sunset;

and here were golden fireflies in the dusk

dancing in circular sweeps from shrub to fence.

Yogi had only seen them once before

in a Queensland rainforest, dossing in a shack

of Rasta friends, the most-part stoned and dull

to luminous bugs flying outside their door.

Now golden clouds lit the way ahead

yet connecting him to that rainforest past,

Then he saw the parked car with two shadows.

31.14

“Santi ji. You had better come inside.”

There was a seriousness in Amrik’s tone.

Yogi complied. The door crack closed behind.

“What’s going on?” Asked Yogi.

Amrik led him

to Bibi’s office.”I need to tell you, Yogi

this shelter is a victim of surveillance.”

He explained that plainclothes officers

sat lookout to clock their spy shift. “Maybe

they think a terrorist, believed alive

will turn up trying to see his wife or child.

It is a game that Bibi is forced to play.”

“And do they come?” Yogi had to ask,

but Amrik did not answer. And voices called.

31.15 Torch

Dinner was served in lines upon the floor.

The girls came round with dahl and vegetable,

another with curd and cucumber. Amrik dropped

hot chapatis directly into hands.

This was langar, the community kitchen feast

served on steel talis in Sikh temples.

Perhaps the shock of surveillance cops outside

made Yogi eat too fast. Or maybe his stomach

was better spiked with spicy food, not fear.

They were leaving early, and they bid goodnight.

The shelter was tight, so both the men were sharing.

Yogi on top bunk shined his torch and wrote —

his heart running swiftly to the village.

31.16

Darling,

Why aren’t we both going to the mountains? I came with Amrik Singh from Garhmukhteswar — the brother of the woman in charge of this girl’s shelter we’re staying at. Leaving early. Back in ten days. Are you coping with the mud?

Love you.

Yogi.

For Margot

Go talk with mountains. Go away.

“Today.”

She said it in the dream last night.

“Right.”

Can mountains really stand and talk?

“Walk.”

In snow and cold with a leopard’s eye.

“Try.”

Who can do this? I’m weak and faint.

“A saint.”

He would ask Barhai to pass this on to Margot.

31.17

The early morning rose for recitation.
Turbaned Singhni’s sat in rows, cross-legged

before the Granth, following their eldest

ensconced behind the holy book, intoning.

Then came the flowing hour of kirtan,

one long poem set to rhythmic ragas.

Effulgence sat deep down into his chest.

After, a nervous woman brought them paronthas.

Yogi said thanks. Her pained look spoke out hope.

Amrik passed his wad of stapled hundreds

and Bibi passed a quarto envelope.

“Can you carry, Sant ji,” Amrik asked.

“Keep it flat…in your guitar case.”

“My pleasure.”

Their taxi zoomed them onward to the bus-stand.

ZACKMANN

“Woe is me. I am freezing and think I am going to die. Why are you are wearing a Tee Shirt.”

“Oh Charles, in October 50 Fahrenheit is tee shirt weather. If you are already wearing a parka to keep warm what are you going to do to keep warm when it really gets cool?”

“It gets colder than this?”

“Really cold.”

“What is it that keeps you warm when it gets really cold?”
“Admittedly, I have too big a layer of fat but what really keeps me warm is watching people who moved here from more mild climates squirm.”

“Rafael, I would like you to see one for my favorite shows and then I will watch Todd and the Book of Pure Evil like you advised.”

“I am not sure if I am the target audience for this television show.” Said Rafael

“Well you liked Firefly, right? “

“Yes.”

“You like Animaniacs and Red Dwarf?”

“Yes, but I do not see how that is related”

“Since we both like those you should like this show I like too.”

“Maybe”

“What do you think?

JULIE

These Days, I Am Cool

The days pass and weeks fade—

My climate does not depend on season.

I know—

I can get fresh lavender roses.

There is always a reason,

They are ripe for the buying,

30 dollars a bunch,

Free vase included.

The days pass, the weeks fade–

The house is frozen,

The climate and mood controlled

Open the windows and rattle the doors

Make the chill go away.

What’s left of me inside

Is still warm and thinking—

Feeling, even.

I spend my days and nights

Tiptoeing,

Dancing in swirls around

The moods of those who depend

On me to keep my cool.
“Okay, Okay, I like the show but I think Rainbow Dash could be about twenty percent cooler.”

LIZZIE

Ronnie knew nothing about card games and his buddies made sure they let him know exactly that each time they met for beers and Poker.

So, one night, he tried to look cool and threw his cards onto the table, solemnly saying “Here, the dead man’s hand.”

His buddies roared laughing. “What a loser!”

He chuckled. “I was thinking… The fifth card is a two of clubs and not the nine of diamonds.”

His buddies saw Ronnie swinging a club at them, but they never made out Ronnie’s buddy from the gym, hiding in the darkest corner of the room.

SPATE

Davidson refused to wear clothes, choosing to remain naked like an ape in a
cage. Ten days from execution, what the fuck were they going to do to him?

Well he didn’t think they’d turn on the damned air conditioning. Hell, he
didn’t even know they had air conditioning.

He’d shiver but when his mind was set he was a rusted bolt.

Talk of Davidson’s nude stand spread throughout the pen with excitement.
This was not some ear hustling chin music. This was real.

To them, he was the coolest of cool staring down the big jab of Warden’s
needle.

CLIFF

They said that Davis was cool under fire. When the enemy had his company pinned down, he held his position. While the rest of his men returned fire blindly at their hidden foe, he stayed still. Low on ammo, out of contact with anyone in authority, his comrades were close to panicking. They were encouraged by his calm patience. When the enemy commander strutted into the street to demand their surrender, Davis stood up and killed him with one shot. He never told anyone that he’d actually fallen asleep and only woke up in time to take the fateful shot.

Fairmount, Indiana proclaims itself as being “Where Cool Was Born”. The billboard also shows an iconic image of James Dean, native son. I’m sure the marketing guru who created this thought it was a great way to create tourist appeal. After all, with an aging population, a shrinking tax base, and the exodus of each graduating class for better opportunities, the town needs all the help it can get. So if they can make a buck off of a dead actor, more power to them. Besides, we all know who the truly cool Fairmount native really is, don’t we? Right?

NORVAL JOE

A boy came to his mother and said, “I dreamed I was a dragon. Can I be a dragon?”
“That would be cool, but not possible,” she said.
Another day he said, “I dreamed I was a girl. Can I be a girl?”
“You can dress like a girl,” She said.
“Will clothes make me a girl?”
“There are operations and drugs to make you look like a girl?”
“Will I have babies?”
“No. You would still be a girl’s spirit in a boy’s body.”
“Ok, then,” the boy said, “I’d rather be a dragon’s spirit in a boy’s body.”

PLANET Z

Cool, whispers the bartender.
The bar is crowded, and there’s no way I could hear them, but it’s easy to read his lips.
Look in the mirror and say cool without speaking.
Can you see it?
Can you hear it in your head?
Just imagine it.
How the front teeth drag across the rolling lower lip.
What? That’s not a C? That’s an F?
So, the bartender called me a fool?
He’s been calling me a fool all this time?
That’s not cool at all.
Then what the shit have I been tipping him for?
I’m going to Taco Bell.

Weekly Challenge #416 – Hash

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was HASH.

We’ve got stories by:

The next 100 word stories weekly challenge is on the topic of COOL

Sleepy Tinny

Finally, if there are any errors or corrections, please let me know, and I’ll fix them as soon as possible.

JOHN MUSICO

“Everyone knows what SPAM is”
by John Musico

I’ve always wanted to know what SPAM really is.
The letters on the can are capitalized. What does the acronym stand for?
What is SPAM anyhow? So, I did some digging-
One theory is that it stands for SPiced hAM.
Problem is; it isn’t really spiced.
SPAM contains only salt and sugar; I’d hardly call that spiced.
The main ingredients are Shoulder of Pork and hAM; S.P.A.M.
That does fit. In case it throws you, yes “ham” is also pork-
“ham” denotes that the cut comes specifically from the buttocks.
Finally, the mysteries of the mystery meat have been unveiled!

JEFFREY

The Truest Measure of Wealth
by Jeffrey Fischer

As a child, Brendan would often eat corned beef hash for dinner. His mother would add a can of the meat, always an unhealthy color, to potatoes and onions, then sautéed it on the stove until it attained the flavor of charcoal.

Brendan’s father would pretend that this was a gourmet meal, and the kids would pretend they enjoyed it. None of them were good actors. As Brendan grew older, he realized the best acting job was his mother’s, as she never let the children know the extent of their poverty. According to her, everything the family did, from outings in the country to eating hash, was no less fine than the wealthiest nobles enjoyed. And so it was.

Lessons
by Jeffrey Fischer

Ricardo shook his head. “Bobby, you’ve really made a hash of it this time.” Good help was so hard to find. Sure, the recruits were eager to learn. They wanted to show the boss they were up to the job, and they wanted the chance to shine. So often, however, when Ricardo gave them the opportunity they screwed up so badly that Ricardo himself was left to pick up the pieces.

Such was Bobby’s mess today. He had tried disposing of the body in an acid bath, succeeding only in putting numerous chemical burns on the corpse. He then tried to hack up the body, but he underestimated the strength and energy required for someone that size to fit into a trash bag that small.

“Bobby, you first start with the head…”

RICHARD

#1 – George’s Story: Part 53 – Memories

George may have started to remember the past – but now, try as he might, all his attempts at further recollection were an abject failure.

Eventually, Emily left him to it, returning after a couple of hours to check on his progress. She found George sat on the floor, his head in his hands and surrounded by piles of crumpled-up paper.

“It’s no good – I can’t remember a damn thing! I’m not even sure I ever played cricket any more! I’m sorry… I’ve made a complete hash of things again.”

“Yes you have”, smiled Emily, “never mind… fancy a joint?”

#2 – Symbolism

The Office for the Reintroduction of Forgotten Indicators, Characters and Expressions – ORiFICE for short – quietly works, unnoticed by most, to reinstate typographical nuances that might otherwise fall by the wayside.

This otherwise thankless task has become a great deal simpler, thanks to the internet, which has successfully catapulted some almost forgotten characters into the limelight… consider the forward slash, the ‘at’ symbol and the ampersand – whose fates once seemed sealed.

More recently, ORiFICE – working in collaboration with Twitter – has seen a resurgence of interest in the ailing hash.

However, the biggest challenge still lies ahead… How to resurrect the interrobang]

#3 – The Good Stuff

“Did I ever tell you about Hendrix teaching me guitar at Woodstock?”, the old hippy asked us, eyes glazing over and taking a long draw on the reefer: “Man, you guys have the best hash!”

It was the hash that brought him – and many others – back every time, and we didn’t mind in the slightest – we were on the verge of publishing our collaborative work: ‘Psychadelic Psychotics’.

Some questioned our methodology, but it was all above board – the ‘hash’ we used to mellow our subjects was really tea-leaves… the poor buggers were so far gone, they never even noticed!

TOM

It Was a Sign of the Times

Of all the people Ben could have chosen to head to the special screening
his chose of me to this day puzzles me. He was after all Zoe’s chosen
boyfriend a feat in my circle of friends of lofty success for in the
kindest way she had rejected all of us. Granted I was the most Sci-Fi geek
of us all and was most likely the one to enjoy the film the most.
Kubrick’s 2001 presented in full Cinerama on three glorious screens, but
wait there’s more. Ben had procured two opium dipped hashish joints.
Spaced in Space. Sorry Dave.

A Well Defined Relationship Part 44

Dino Mod stared off across the vermilion horizon. The compromise algorithm
was running through the hash arrays. As the associated identities flash
into his conscientious the full impact of his current situation became
painfully apparent. “Bastards,” railed Dino, “I am so fracked.” He had
signed up for a song and dance mod and somehow he ended up with a multiple
personality carrousel.

“Not somehow … someone …. Wynn … but Why?”

He didn’t have to wait long a secondary diagnostic slipped pass his optic
nerve: Wynn Corp Project Strike Team Alpha. After the reboot Dino sang,
Everybody need somebody sometimes.

SERENDIPITY

You may think me old-fashioned, but I’m very much an advocate of healthy eating, so you can imagine my feelings about a new burger joint opening in the neighbourhood, right on my doorstep.

Knowing my concerns, you might think it odd that I managed to get myself a job there, working in the kitchens.

I had an ulterior motive, of course.

The week after I started, the place was shut down permanently, after the breakfast hash browns were found to contain significant amounts of cannabis.

And you should have seen what I added to the chocolate extra-thick shakes!

CLIFF

My mother knew how to stretch a dollar when making a meal. At least once a week, we had hash for supper and we loved it. For those who don’t know, hash is simply a way to use up the leftovers without it looking like leftovers. Whatever meat she had went into it along with potatoes, some onions, and a sprinkling of spices. When mom was away and dad cooked, it was different. Oh, he still made hash. He was just less discriminating on the ingredients: Spam, maraschino cherries, a jar of green olives, and Flintstone vitamins for extra nutrition.

MUNSI

Not Every Stat Holiday is a Good Idea

By Christopher Munroe

A lot of people called in fake sick to work that day.

Like, a LOT.

A number of businesses didn’t open at all, and those that did, mostly places that sold snack foods, were swamped by the rush of people suddenly realizing that HOLY SHIT SOME CHIPS WOULD BE GOOD RIGHT NOW!!!

The customers didn’t always remember to bring money.

The staff didn’t always remember to take it.

Billions of dollars in economic activity were lost over the course of twenty-four hours.

“Hash Wednesday” was, overall, not the most productive of holidays, but it was certainly a lot of fun…

LIZZIE

How to write something saying nothing

#1 Set your heart on blabbering randomly… I mean, writing serious stuff.
#2 Waste… aham, spend some time browsing for inspiration.
#3 Look outside the window while trying to come up with a story.
#4 Squander … that is spend even more time checking your five email accounts, the ten thousand social networks you signed up to, and your cat.
#5 Brew coffee.
#6 Hash… Hash…
#7 Brew more coffee.
#8 Right, you do need to write something. Now, think.
#9 The cat’s snoring. Perhaps a nap would help you as well.
#10 Ok, procrastinate indefinitely. All that coffee is begging for attention and you don’t really want to take a nap at 10am.

Hash can be a few things, and sure enough, it can be a lot more than I thought at first. Between cryptographic hash functions, fragment identifiers, spatial data structures, a sports mark of some sort, even a military decoration and a running club, it was a bit difficult to choose one direction for this week’s story. So, after procrastinating the whole week, rattling on aimlessly seemed like a tempting option, considering that I, for some reason, didn’t want to write about hashish. Wait a second… What? A hundred? Really? Already? Well then, more next week! Where’s the delete button again?

SPATE

What do you say to a man when he tells you that for his last meal on earth
he wants corned beef hash? Straight from a can. Cold.

Do you ask him if he wants a side of brown bread? Maybe some ketchup?

Warden was baffled. He had encountered other odd final requests; the usual
gluttonous excess. But a can of Hormel? Cruel and unusual.

He pensively rubbed his sandpaper chin.

“Well fuck Warden!” Davidson spat while sprawled hairy ass naked in his
cement cell, “Why should I carry the memory of a pleasant taste on that
stainless steel ride?!”

DIONYSIS CLOWES

The world rolled up under the moon. A space.

Trkl tossed. Slovenly and sleepless in his rack, he turned under the tepid hazy gaze of the moon through the port. Articulated.

Eighteen days waiting. The feeling of waiting. The feeling of feeling the feeling of waiting.

The next day was like the rest, but different. There was something in the dust outside. A ray, he said. From?

Immense distance. Right under my nose. The feeling.

Outside, inside. Up, down. Around. The echo of a long-forgotten — long? — music from somewhere playing. A dancer.

Mark. Another unknown message sent.

JULIE

Rehash

Johnny liked legos. He built bridges and parks for his Power Rangers to play in.

After September 11, Johnny built towers. Tall ones, reaching up to the Powerpuff Girl ceiling fan in his room. He didn’t have toy airplanes, so he used the fancy dinosaur figures from the Museum of Natural History.

Bang. Crash. Towers down. Orange and red legos tumbled down. The cats batted around the pieces.

I walked into the room, kneeling down on the floor.

“Mom, in my adventure, all the Mommys and Daddys and pink power rangers get home to their kids.”

No more TV.

#sadabout911andmediaoverdose

DANNY

Mitch “Hash House” Harrier was crouching behind the stadium clubhouse smoking a large piece of hash from his favorite pipe before he went to work placing the hash marks on the football field for the N.Y. Giants. Mitch was to high to realize he placed the hash marks parallel to the field goals, Later that day, while eating hash and eggs while watching the football game at Ruffie’s Diner, Mitch noticed people on the sidelines kept getting injured every time a team tried to score a touchdown. Now unemployed, Mitch went to the bathroom to smoke another bowl of hash.

NORVAL JOE

Wollimus Pander, revered matriarch of the Women’s Trade Federation reclined her first class seat on flight 1386 from Paris to Atlanta. She considered the actions of Esmeralda Flinch who recently positioned herself as successor to the WTF president.
“Flinch would make a hash of the federation,” Wollimus muttered and vowed to circumvent Esmeralda’s machinations as soon as she got home.
Unfortunately, an inappropriate joke by In Flight Entertainment Man caused the passengers to rush the cockpit and attack the pilot.
As the jet plummeted toward the Atlantic, Wollimus realized it was she who had made a hash of it all.

ZACKMANN

“We emptied a house of walkers because it had off the grid solar panels. The last inhabitant must have taken all the plants which is fine for me, I much rather grow vegetables under those heat lamps. Wade found some Eau de Death, doe in heat scent, and hashish. I asked him not to smoke it. I also reminded him which was doe scent. Wade insisted on going with the scavenging party. Upon returning Beth practiced what she learned in psychology as she mended Wade’s pants but all I could do was dress a buck wondering how satyrs are made.”

########

“We are doing a survey to see how well our ads work. Have you seen our current Twitter inspired ad?” asked the man with the clipboard.

The young woman replied “The one that goes “Hashmark we are idiots whose children told us Twitter existed. hashmark, buy our crappy product hashmark we think you’re at least as gullible as your parents. hashmark, we are too clueless to know that saying hashmark so many times is totally annoying”

“That’s a yes and would you say our ad is very memorable?”

She replied “I remember the ad but what does your company sell?”

TURA

Hash(tag)
——–
@God Boring… #peaceandquiet

@God Let there be light! #creation

@God Water! Land! Grass! Trees! The moving creature that hath life! #creation

@God Isn’t this great? Hello… No-one here, must fix that #creation

@Adam @God What’s all this? #gardenofeden

@Eve @Adam ‘Oo are you? #gardenofeden

@God @Adam @Eve Whaddya think? Follow @God and you’ll live here forever #gardenofeden

@Serpent @Eve Trust me, unfollow that guy. Have an apple #tempttempt

@Eve *scream* we’re nekkid!!!! tinyurl.com/ofo5jkh #gardenofeden

@Adam @Eve A talking snake told you? Were you born yesterday? Oh… #gardenofeden

@God @Adam @Eve Out! #gotcha

@God @Fiery_Angel And don’t let them back! #peaceandquiet

SINGH

30.10

The morning brought a handful of dangling fictions:

battalions of snakes had crawled up from the Ganga,

others saw cobras flying from the moon;

fire-snakes had emerged from the smoking havan.

the ghosts of the Naga kingdoms were here for vengeance.

Atul found Margot at Kamal Devi’s.

She told what happened.

“Don’t worry Madam. I’ll bring

the Gunia. He speaks to snakes

and calls them out. I’ll bring him here.” He went

with Yudhi yapping behind, returning with

an old man, his casteless sweeper neighbour.

Mahadevan sat outside the Madam’s hut.

30.11

The Gunia threw rice grains at the door-slab

and went into a shaking body trance.

The snake mantra came rushing up through him

“Om Chah
Aam Chah

Im Chah

Aam Chah

one hundred and eight times and then again,

then again although he didn’t count.

A crowd arrived, including the pujari.

The Gunia spoke in trance: “Who put the sack?

I can see you here.”

No one stepped up.

Gradually the snakes began to appear

from under the gap beneath the door of planks —

at first the heads with flickering tongues, then bodies

slithering away among the muddy clods.

30.12

The priest was tense.

He didn’t like

the Gunia

a casteless sweeper

intoning mantras

meant for Brahmins.

“Go do your work,”

the pujari said.

“There’s nothing here

just jadu, magic.

Hurry up,

stop standing there.

You’ve all seen snakes.

They are rife this

time of the year.”

Meanwhile the Gunia

could see through him

on all dimensions

while he connected

with the nagas

coaxing them

to leave the woman,

someone of truth,

not like this priest,

trapped inside

his skull of power,

old enemies:

Dalits, Brahmins

and smiled to see

the crowd not thinning

until the show

was well over.

30.13

Mahadevan, snake whisperer snapped back,

slumping forward, spent as a limp cloth doll.

Before the Madam could restrain Atul

he had marched up to his Madam’s door with Yudhi

and opened it. So Margot followed calling

out “Atul. Be careful.” He found the empty

fertiliser sack and nothing more,

no snake in sight, not even a frog. She stepped,

and Yudhi rushed to lap up leftover milk.

She handed money to Atul for the snake man.

“No Madam. It is not necessary.”
“Surely his family…. could they not use this?

“You are offending Madam. Please, no need at all.”

She joined her palms and made a humble bow.

30.14

“Leave, Atul. I need to take a bath.”

She thanked him. “Take Yudhi and go play.”

Closing the door, she looked again for snakes

and finding none, sat and breathed relief.

Soon she was bucket-bathing out the back,

then changing into Indian cambric cotton.

She regretted she had gone to the funeral

in bright colours. Far worse had been her dead

neighbour doing those odd jobs for her

when Yogi left . This had fed the gossip.

Plus she’d never bonded with the women

in this natter-village with male-female sidelines.

Had she brought this Evil Eye on herself?

30.15

She kept to herself, but village life sped up

between the monsoon showers. Atul told her:

“Naag Panchami is coming.” It was the day

when snakes were venerated by new wives.

Atul knew from Didi, his married Sister.

“A careless son chopped up three male cobras

while ploughing earth. The Naga goddess mother

went and killed the son and all his brothers.

His young wife prayed to Naga Mata

in Naaga Loka, seventh realm underground.

She offered a bowl of milk for her husband’s life.

Naga Mata accepted, granting her wish.

That’s why the ladies worship with white flowers.”

30.16

“That’s interesting, Atul,” said his Madam.

“It’s lady-power day! We pray for men.”

“Yes Madam ji — husbands and us brothers.

Nagas have powers. If any are unhappy

they will bite. Or they bring wealth, also.”

So many customs rose like ornate blossoms

from the body of this land.

Atul confirmed:

“The ladies are now stringing jasmine malas,

making rice paste and decorating anthills.

painting them red with kum-kum, placing garlands

and every doorstep will have a five-headed naga

in coloured patterns. We call that rangoli.”

Flicking through her Mahabharata book

Margot said. “I think there’s another story.”

30.17

“It’s time for your reading practise,” Madam said

passing him her Mahabharata copy.

They were sitting in her hut out of the rain.

A torch lit up Khandava forest

killing Takshaka’s serpent wife.

Thus, Krishna and Arjuna ended

the Naga Queen’s right to life.

Revenge is a burning forest.

Twelve years after the Great War

Arjuna’s grandson Parakshit

gaining the throne, had a fatal flaw.

While hunting in another forest

the thirsty king saw a seated sage

who didn’t move when asked for water.

Parakshit burnt up with rage.

“He hung a dead snake on the shoulder

of the meditating forest Brahmin,

with blissful mind in Brahma Loka.

Parashit realised his sin

but it was done. The brahmin’s son,

also hot-tempered, uttered a verse:

“The Kuru king will die by snake bite.

Arjuna’s line will suffer the curse.”

Takshaka, the King of Cobras

took birth again and bit the king

who foamed and died. The next in line

was boiling like a volcanic spring.

Young Rajah Janamejaya

performed a yagna with sacred fire

to kill the serpents of the world.

It became the nagas’ funeral pyre.

Snakes flew into the fire-pit,

until almost the last – the Naga King

coiled around the foot of Indra,

dragging them both, as wrestlers cling.

Astika, son of the fire priest

said: stop it Dad! It will be the end

of heaven and earth if Indra burns.

They ceased and saw Indra ascend

and the Naga king go under earth.

Astika received a boon —

a mantra for controlling snakes

on Naag Panchami, fifth day of the moon.

Perhaps the mantra calms the cobra,

a blessing given to humankind.

Where exactly is Naga Loka

inside the earth, or the angry mind?

30.15

night of fasting day of the snake puja mantras

five-hooded naga drawn on walls above doors

on this day earth cannot be dug red anthills get

libations of milk for the King of all Cobras

snake wallahs on bicycles cobra baskets wearing pythons

young sari wives wave trays of lights lean close to fangs

place jasmine champa white lotus incense garlands

sweet rice kheer pourings of milk

the earth balances on the hood of Shesh Naag

deep down in the ocean Vishnu sleeps upon his coils

today no one has fear of snakes for one day of the year

30.16

The monsoon rains had paused. The sun came out,

Margot kept aloof from the celebrations

taking yellow Yudhi to the Ganga.

He was yapping, disturbed by the snake commotion.

Atul kept look out, The coffee-coloured waves

were rising still.

“Bapu Mahadevan.

He cleared your house of snakes,” Atul began.

She nodded.

“He is coming this way. See.”

Soon he was sitting.

“Namaste.” He said.

She was happy he had come to join them.

She returned the greeting. Then Atul spoke

at length with the older man. Then Atul reported.

Mahadevan began to share with Madam.

30.17

He didn’t like the snake charmer fellows.

They starved their snakes so they will gorge on milk.

“Bapu says snakes die. The milk is poison.”

Atul translated Bapu’s love for the Naga:

how the head and tail are good and bad together,

the start and the ending of the universe.

He told how no one understood a snake.

Snakes brought out fear in the human heart.

Few looked there, confronting weaknesses.

She was surprised. The flowers and milk,

and snake basket wallahs wearing pythons

were opportunists who had no gian, no wisdom.

“They are dead souls inside, Bapu says.”

30.18

“Please ask why he’s telling this, Atul.

I’m grateful, but I’m not sure why he’s come

when other villagers clearly seem to hate me.”

Atul tried to be the bridge between them

but as he talked she saw the water well

in his child eyes. “Because nobody here

will be helping you, Madam ji. Just us.”

The little boy choked on words. And paused, upset.

“But he’s praying to the Nagas to protect you.

He says you’re good, Madam, but times are bad.”

She was upset and held back downpour eyes

and grabbed and hugged the little one to her.

30.17 Mercy

Later on, they walked to Madam’s hut.

Bapu assured her she was safe from nagas,

His mantra was protecting the whole place

though he couldn’t save from the human kind

that planted their sacks of serpents. Still, they

plugged the holes in the walls with plastic bags

and put a strip at the bottom of the door

to keep out frogs. And then they left at dusk.

Mercy’s heart went searching for her Yogi,

wondering why he hadn’t been in touch.

On this day, new wives pray for husbands

and that is what she did all night to Shiva.

PLANET Z

Our days are numbered.
So are the lunch specials at the Chinese place down the street.

This makes choosing what to eat for lunch easy. Just pick the special that matches up with the day.

The place has been open for years. And I expect that it will be open for years to come.

But when the day comes that they close down for good, or the place burns up in a fire, I know my number is up.

Until then, I’ve got my table there, and it’s coming up on noon.

Hungry? Up for Chinese?

Good, because I’m buying.

Weekly Challenge #415 – PICK TWO

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was PICK TWO.

We’ve got stories by:

The next 100 word stories weekly challenge is on the topic of HASH?

Use the Share buttons at the end of the post to spam your social networks. This obligatory cat photo should help make the Internet go faster:
Myst vs Hand

Finally, if there are any errors or corrections, please let me know, and I’ll fix them as soon as possible.

JOHN

Yin and Yang‘s Main Lesson
by John Musico

Geometry demonstrates Yin Yang theory quite nicely-
Starting with a plain triangle:
add a side; now quadrangle.
Continue on this path of gain-
changing shapes upon the plane.
Pentagon,septagon,octagon more:
to the square we gain now four.
On this path what we have found,
is that the shape becomes quite round;
a shape devoid of sides at all,
the upper limit, then we fall.
That’s the crux that is profound;
that zero’s most;it goes around.
So when to gain becomes obsession,
remember Yin and Yang’s main lesson;
that the nature of procession-
brings us only to regression….

JEFFREY

The Well
by Jeffrey Fischer

“What’s that, girl? Timmy’s fallen into the well? Again?” We followed the barking dog outside.

“How can we reach him in time?” my sister asked.

I looked at the empty road in front of us. “Anything but taxis. I reckon we ain’t goin’ to see one for a spell.”

We jumped on bicycles as Lassie ran beside us. When we reached the well on Farmer Simpson’s property, we raced to it. No Timmy.

We searched one well after another. When we finally found the right one, Timmy was long dead. My sister blamed Lassie, but I pointed out that the dog was always slow and knew only one bark. “Don’ blame her. How could she figger out the dif’rence between them wells?”

Yin and Yang
by Jeffrey Fischer

Whenever Randy has a difficult decision ahead, he makes sure that all points of view are represented. He reaches into his sock drawer and puts on his morally-conservative socks. They’re the ones that tell him to take things slowly, that change for the sake of change is never good.

But Randy is no reactionary. When bold thinking is needed, he’s your man. To represent that side of him, he dons a pair of fishnet stockings, covering up the socks.

When he gets the crap beaten out of him, he protests in vain that his assailants aren’t looking at all sides of the issue, and, besides, his shoe laces are more moderate, but they never listen.

RICHARD

#1 – 52) Stumped

“You complete and utter git!”, exclaimed Emily, before pulling her shoe off and throwing it at George.

Her aim could have been somewhat better, and George deftly caught the missile as it flew towards him.

He smiled apologetically: “I knew being on the village cricket team would pay off! Look, Emily, I’m sorry… but you did deserve it.”

Emily appeared not to have heard – she was looking at him strangely. George fiddled with her shoe laces, uncomfortable under her stare.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“George… you’ve started remembering! You remembered being in the village cricket team!”

#2 – Main Course

One of the great things about travelling the world is seeing the strange things that crop up on restaurant menus.

I’ve eaten insects in Thailand, snake in Bali and guinea pig in Peru – all very interesting, but nowhere near as interesting as the mangled translations that get listed as dish of the day. Like the ‘curry children’ that I discovered in North Africa, which turned out to be goat.

This one had me baffled – ‘Donkey Salad’ – what on earth could that be?

My travelling companion wasn’t tempted: “I’ll have the fish”, she said – but I was feeling adventurous… “Donkey salad, with extra donkey, please!”

Here’s a tip – sometimes, those weird things on the menu are exactly what they appear to be!

#3 – The Party

Everything was going so well until the party.

The campaign posters were out, people were flocking to see us and the ‘Sermon on the Mount’ CDs were selling like hotcakes.

Then we got the invitation to the wedding and the boss stepped in when the caterers let everyone down. Sure, the whole ‘water into wine’ thing was great publicity, but when the boss had a few too many and started doing the lambada on the dance floor with the bride, something had to be done.

But, what do you do with a drunken Jesus?

Actually, I think Judas will make a great messiah, and I don’t think anyone’s noticed the switch!

LIZZIE

That dreadful day at the Kipling’s study group, composed of an eclectic group of people, was rife with unexpected events and Timmy, the host, was beside himself. The Egyptologist blabbered something about fish, a net and stockings and everyone understood he was wearing fishnet stockings. A drunken Jesus showed up claiming to be able to find the alien sparrows. Suddenly, someone hit the switch. Total darkness. As the light got back on, Timmy’s face bore suspicious shades of blue while his morally conservative socks were wrapped around his neck. “Well, why not?” added the ventriloquist. “This is better than cable.”

SERENDIPITY

We’ll never forget the day Jimmy was sliced in two. We told him not to play with chainsaws, but would he listen?

Miraculously, he avoided all his major organs, and it’s amazing what surgeons can do these days… soon, he was up and about, doing almost as well as before the accident.

Of course, some things were difficult, but Jimmy was an optimist, not letting a little thing like being half the man he once was, get in the way of his cheerful disposition.

“Look on the bright side”, he’d say… “this way, who cares if I’m wearing odd socks!”

TOM

A Great Awakening

The Penguin tramped through the snow. “What are those?” asked Frank.
“Morally Conservative Socks.” Ralph shook his head. “I need them because
of my chosen career path.” “Oh, really,” mocked Frank, “And that is?”
“Penguin Chaplin.” “Your making that up?” “Nope.” “Sam, penguins don’t
believe in god, we believe in herring.” “Len dose.” “Len is a idiot,
Penguin Chaplin is a totally fictitious job.” “Oh yee of little faith.”
Well I hope you have more than faith cus your morally conservative socks
are frozen to the rock. “We shall gather at the river …” “Good luck with
that” returned Frank.

A Well Defined Relationship Part 43

The Senator sat on the steps of the church, his Brooks Bro. pants hiked up
his ankles. “What are those?” asked Banister. “Morally Conservative
Socks.” “How can foundation ware be moral or conservative?” “Its like
Mormon Magic Underwear or Socialist wearing red ties, the context of
content is dictated by the juxtaposition of uninfected images. Take the
Department of Redundancy Department a more enlighten populous would
demand the removal of all thous fictitious jobs, but we of the Senate
frame the context.” “With sky blue argyle socks?” “Indeed.” Sparky
appeared ” Love your socks.” “That must be demoralizing” noted Banister.

MUNSI

Changing of the Guard

By Christopher Munroe

The newly elected MPs, some in odd socks, others in fishnets, still others in more morally conservative socks, made their way into the Capital, heads held high.

And why not?

They’d been elected to enact their version of the future, and that’s exactly what they intended to do, bringing with them a smorgasbord of values, principals and ideals.

Opportunity for all, an end to the abuses of the past, a nation where all could prosper.

And friendship, which is magic.

It was My Little Party’s first time forming a government, but they were determined that it wouldn’t be their last…

SPATE

The Magic Show

His trick was simple. Place any pretty, blonde, unassuming and preferably
dull witted assistant into the wooden box. just head and feet protruding on
either end.

Cut on center with a chain saw.

The assistant desperately shrieks before going disturbingly silent. He
slowly separates the box revealing she has indeed been sliced in two. The
audience gasps and screams as they stare in horror at the bloody severed
entrails.

But then the assistant shouts out: “It’s an illusion! I’m okay!”

The curtains close to a standing ovation.

Backstage he smiles knowing that he is more a ventriloquist than a magician.

TURA

Sparrows: Why Not?
——–
In the frozen meats aisle I picked up a hard, vacuum-packed block, and slowly deciphered the Japanese characters. “Two dozen sparrows.” A challenge! I rubbed my “WHY NOT?” medallion for luck.

Back in my tiny apartment I hesitated, then cut the package open and separated the tiny corpses. They were whole. Half an hour later I had a small pile of sparrow breasts, and a larger pile of… other parts. With enough deep frying, I thought, anything is edible. Then I pushed the larger pile into the bin.

Four dozen sparrow breasts make a nourishing bowl of stew for one.
——–

CLIFF

When I heard Larry, the lab technician cursing I came running. He told me that some of the patients were responding to the placebo as if it were the actual drug. I pulled up the supposedly private and confidential files of our paid volunteers and quickly found the problem. Writers. Dammit. Writers were practically fake people and responded differently. As such, they were banned but I could tell from the occupations listed. Sunset designer. Female Body Inspector. Earth worm rancher. Galactic Defender. And worst of all, Congressional Ethics Enforcer. Not a real job amongst them. The test was completely ruined.

They were known as the LWF and they were the strangest criminal organization Steele had ever encountered. They targeted seemingly random people. Age, race, pro-life, pro-war, pro-wrestling, the LWF hit them all. It was armed robbery with a bizarre twist. Each victim was relieved of valuables but also, of one sock. When Steele caught up with them, the cash was found but the socks were gone. The criminals turned out to be political activists who set the socks free. They were the Liberators of Weary Footwear. Steele just called them the morons responsible for the collapse of the sock market.

NORVAL JOE

“Come in,” Halberk Crottage called from behind his government surplus desk. Local Super Hero Liaison was by necessity a low profile job.
A man stepped in. Bright red lipstick matched his flowing red hair. He wore a black satin jacket over a silver French cut leotard, and black fishnet stockings.
“Let me guess. You’re Drag Queen Man,” Halberk said.
“I prefer, just Drag Queen.”
“Okay. What’s your super power?”
“Among other things, I can talk with my mouth closed,” a voice said from behind.
“Why not?” Crottage said. “What brings you in?”
A tear form in Drag’s eye, “Timmy’s Dead.”

SINGH

Ch 30.1

The village priest had set his sights on Margot,

the Foreign Madam. Her sweeper urchin

was also growing up with a smart mouth,

plus bringing that filthy yapper into the temple!

He was ready to blame and cite dogmas of caste.

Let ragpickers stick to sweeping up the compounds,

then stay away on the refuse edge of the village

with those dirty biters and not defile pure houses.

But this Madam was an education do-gooder,

fiddling with the bottom rung of the ladder

that shouldn’t be climbed. He flapped like a fighting bantam,

scratching in his kingdom of cockalorum.

30.2

The sweatshop season brought a year long glut

of swamp frogs into homes. Rats, mice and voles

found cosy huts, and next — the slither realm.

Trinket snakes, keelbacks, vipers, cobras

hatched from anthills, rocky crevices

like phrases growing into the narrative

of waterlogged days and barefoot paddy fields.

Ram, the neighbour was bitten. He foamed and choked,

paralysed cold by the time they brought him back

on a buffalo dray. Relatives and the villagers

prayed and wailed. The pujari said the prayers

around a white-sheet body; then the procession

chanted Ram Nam Satya Hai * to the pyre.

*The Name of Ram is Truth.

30.3

At the cremation, beside cold-coffee Ganga

Margot joined the women in funeral whites

but did not have the right Punjabi suit.

They started to spit with superstitious venom.

“She has no respect! Why is she here, just why?

Gandi nazar! Gandi nazar!” A gossip said.

“The Dirty Eye. Her eyes are evil slits!

Beware your children! She’s stealing them from us —

all because her own man has gone off,”

they surmised. Man-envy was the cause

and lack of having children of her own.

They prattled on. The temple priest just gloated.

Luckily the widow did not blame her.

30.4

Kamal was known for quiet piety,

submerging herself inside her husband-loss

as Margot sat alone with a snoring puppy,

wondering how or if she would survive here.

She remembered the River Oise, those hog-tied,

gasping moments, thrown in witch-float water.

She didn’t understand. A past life flash-back?

Why was she feared? She’d only sought to teach,

and had left behind her own two darling daughters.

It was sacrifice she told herself. She’d come

to give to needy others. Was this delusion

or misplaced missionary ego? It

was then she saw the shadow on the floor.

30.5

Yudhi growled and barked. She held him tight

upon the bed. He barked again. She grabbed

her torch from under the pillow, searchlighting

the hopping frogs, then a long shape struck.

It was a rat snake, brown with a diamond back.

Atul had showed her one on the way to school.

They were not venomous, but if frogs or rodents

came, slitherers would find the holes and gaps

in these reed walls. She ranged her snaky light

around the floor. Sure enough another

and still more nosed from a fertiliser bag.

Someone had put a snake sack in her hut.

30.6

At first she felt

a surge of wild horror

constrict her breathing the frog parlour waited

for macabre partners till each came forward

making a sea of writhing

snakes and victims

marooning Margot

on the boat of her bed

not daring to move

fearing they would smell

her fear. She closed her eyes to breathe and focus

whether projection

or a vision

she saw Lord Shiva

eyes half-closed

in meditative focus

Mahadeva wearing

a risen cobra

around his neck

Vasuki the churning rod

stirrer of poisons

from the primordial

sea of milk

the world floats upon

all now drunk down

by Mahadeva

trapped in his throat

by Parvati’s swift hands

turning it blue

the blue-necked one

Neelakantha Shiva

raising his palm

in benediction

time to leave

five snakes

were busy gorging

Grabbing Yudhi

she stepped between

turned the nob

and fled

30.7 Raindrop

The first big glob of rain hit her forehead

and without any warning the downpour drilled the earth.

Kamal Devi’s hut was her only option —

the neighbour widow. She ran to knock for shelter.

Kamal’s eyes were red, but she let in Margot,

even with the barking yellow pup.

She held an infant girl, had lost her husband

but still she was kind, unlike the finger-pointers.

Margot explained the snake-sack in her hut.

Kamal Devi, named for a lotus goddess,

just nodded knowing the cruelty of the present

that rips out love, yet here she had a sister.

30.8 Shadowlands

Widowhood is the whiter shadowlands.

Entering young, she knew that she would have

to wear for life this simple snowy sari —

the wrapping of death and inauspiciousness.

At best she’d have shaved-head aunty status

expected to stay within the family compound

under Brother-In-Law’s predatory eye,

her child her passport, albeit an infant girl.

She would never marry again, or inherit

any portion of shared family lands.

Her lack of luck was good luck for her brother.

They would let her stay as an extra pair of hands;

and she knew of course she would be ‘second wife.’

30.9

Margot breathed. Kamal made chai.

The night of snakes would slither away.

Two troubled women beneath gruel sky

sharing memories on instant replay.

Kamal Devi with a child,

Margot adrift, still under threat.

Clearly someone else was riled.

Was the snake a trick, a karmic debt?

Her village time was going sour,

parents would hold back each school child.

Some shift in the balance of power

had made the snakes of tongues turn wild.

They were pariahs, three together.

Was this first chapter or epilogue —

with shared loss in rain god weather

for Caucasian, Indian and yellow dog?

DANNY

What’s on my mind!!? I screamed at myself while I ate my donkey salad while hailing anything but a taxi. Fortunately, there was this carriage drawn by a donkey I had not eaten yet, in some kind of odd sock salad form, and in an instant lasting over 5 hours, 45 minutes, and 35 seconds, exactly, I was off to my fictitious job creating a paradox for morally conservative socks designed as fishnet stockings to please the conservative white Republican male perverts who love to wear them while pretending to be Ventriloquists. Even the German Porn sites who love the Scheiße essen are blushing.

CHELSEA

Who do you miss?

I miss him the moment he’s out of my sight. The moment I can no longer smell his sweat or feel his arms around me.

I know full well that it’s irrational, it is just a combination of neurotransmitters in my brain flooding the the receptor sites of the neurons. A complex chemical reaction that I must stand aside and let happen.

That does not change the fact that I can feel the press of his lips on mine and the shiver at the ghost of his touch on my skin.

I miss him so much it hurts and I like it.

Tease!

Hot bath full of bubbles perfumed with lavender bath salts.
Shaving cream to make my legs silky smooth.
Slide the fishnet stocking slowly up one leg and then the other.
Black lace bra and panty set.
Knee length skirt with a zipper slit.
6 inch stiletto heals.
Button down shirt with the top button undone.
Hair in a bun, a few wispy curls hanging down.
Lashes curled and lips lined.
Earrings sparkling in the mirror.
Glasses placed on the tip of my nose.
One quick wink in the mirror.
I am such an awful tease.
But really, why not?

PLANET Z

The forklift robot was in the middle of the warehouse, spinning in circles.

We tried to remotely shut it down, but the communications module was offline. And nobody was crazy enough to climb up on the thing to pull out the power core.

“It’ll stop when it runs out of power,” I said. “We can use the spare forklift in the meantime.”

While we placed bets on the spinner, the spare booted up.

“WAIT!” I yelled, and jumped on the spare.

Just like the other forklift, it began to spin.

“Fucking virus,” I growled, and I pulled the power core.

Weekly Challenge #414 – Who do you miss?

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was Who do you miss?.

We’ve got stories by:

The next 100 word stories weekly challenge is on the topic of PICK TWO?

Use the Share buttons at the end of the post to spam your social networks. This obligatory cat photo should help make the Internet go faster:

Myst Tummy Pet

Finally, if there are any errors or corrections, please let me know, and I’ll fix them as soon as possible.

JOHN MUSICO

“A Rose by any Other Name Would Still Smell as Sweet”
by John Musico

Two thousand years ago, Jesus stood before the masses.
He was concerned that much dissention regarding the Messiah had led to wars.
He passed his hand over his face changing it to the face of Buddha and announced; “My name is Buddha.” He pointed at one of his followers and asked sternly; “Do you no longer believe in me?” He again passed his hand over his face revealing the face of Mohammed and said; ”My name is Mohammed. There is but one God, see that He comes in more than one form.” The Messiah then left and prayed for them.

JEFFREY

The Missing Doctor
by Jeffrey Fischer

Last November, when the 50th anniversary of Doctor Who rolled around, the BBC made sure that the anniversary was both a statement about where the show was heading and a celebration of the past. Between the anniversary episode itself, the prequel “The Night of the Doctor,” and the Peter Davison-penned “The Five(ish) Doctors Reboot,” all but one of the surviving actors who played the Doctor made an appearance. Smith, Tennant, Hurt, and Tom Baker in the anniversary episode, a marvelous six minutes of McGann in the prequel, and Davison, Colin Baker, and McCoy in the “Five(ish) Doctors.”

Christopher Eccleston, I don’t know who pissed you off, but it’s time to stop holding a grudge. We missed you.

Jimmy
by Jeffrey Fischer

That smile. The gentle southern accent – the genuine article, not an affectation.

Military service. An engineering degree. Experience in both business and governing.

A wife who wasn’t a national scold.

The relative competence in foreign policy. (I did say “relative.”)

Yes, I miss the Carter Presidency. Sure, energy crisis, gasoline rationing, sweaters in the White House, hostages in Iran, inflation, unemployment, malaise, misery index… and yet… Come back, Jimmy, all is forgiven.

My wife yells from the next room. “Jeff, stop reading the goddam Washington Post! You know it just irritates you!”

RICHARD

#1 – George’s Story: Part 51 – Missed me?

“Did you miss me?”, enquired Emily, flirtatiously.

Annoyed at her joke, George responded grumpily: “No, I didn’t! If anyone can look after themselves, you can. To be honest, I was happy to get the hell out of town without you holding me back!”

Emily looked hurt; “But George, I missed you”

George sighed, “You know who I miss?… all those normal people from before this nightmare started, my friends and family. People who weren’t terrified the world was going to end.”

Emily still looked upset.

George laughed.

“Gotcha! You’re not the only joker around here! Of course I missed you.”

#2 – The One

There’s always ‘the one’ – she’s the one you grew up with and shared your schooldays; maybe even that first kiss. You had a special connection, loved the same music, and enjoyed those wild and crazy moments together; now so long ago.

Then life intervened. You moved apart, stayed in touch for a while, but gradually, quietly, you grew distant and apart.

And now, only memories remain… the fleeting moments restored by a familiar song or rediscovered photograph.

So many years have passed.

And, do I miss her?

Hell no! She was a complete leech!

But I bet she misses me!

TURA

We might have met on Ios, or perhaps it was Delos, or Santorini. The only customers in a small café, an invitation from one to join the other, and then walking together to contemplate the gleaming white houses, the blue domes, and the occasional fragments of antiquity.

And we did what neither of us would have done alone, going island-hopping around the Cyclades for two weeks, using our small Greek to find lodgings wherever our spirits took us.

And then? Well, there is no “and then”, because this is just a story I made up. But I still miss her.

JULIE

Host Body

The white BMW

Rides on autopilot—

It knows its way to work.

Where I smile, nod

And acquiesce

For $85,000 a year.

I spread my legs weekly,

Let you

Take my body—

To keep the peace.

Smile and nod, again.

17 years ago

I carried a child,

Nausea, piercing spear pain

Under my ribs

Until they took you—

All they gave me was Tylenol.

Oh Tylenol, Oh Tuinol, Oh Xanax

Blessed saviors—

These aliens, they inhabit me

These strangers, they take me,

In bits and pieces

What remains?

Who I miss

Is that girl

Not tied,

Or obligated

To anyone.

LIZZIE

The roller-coaster was closed. A crowd of people stood at the gates of the Carnival. The media gathered, awkwardly silent except for one reporter.

“Who do you miss?” he asked.

“I miss my friend Tom,” replied the kid.

The reporter motioned his cameraman to go back in the van. No report would come out of this…

He took one last glance at the crowd of sad people, poor souls. They had all been decapitated by that darn rollercoaster and apparently they didn’t know it yet.

Of all things, the reporter couldn’t help thinking “I would’ve replied… I definitely miss myself”.

CLIFF

In my profession, you can’t afford to be sentimental. The higher ups expect things of you and they don’t take excuses. Emotions get in the way. Mind you, I’m not a machine or anything. I have feelings just like anybody. I just control them. Still, everyone has a weakness. You know, someone they can’t forget. For me, it was Natasha. I spoke to her once seven years ago and I still miss her. It seems stupid, but it’s true. I miss her but some day, I’ll get over it and finally hit her. Being a sniper is a tough business.

SERENDIPITY

They call it ‘sniper alley’ – the only route into the city, and anyone using it is a sitting duck.

It’s almost too easy from where I’m hidden on the hillside. I’m protected, invisible and deadly. It’s a case of ‘you can run, but you can’t hide’ – and I’m good at my job, extremely good.

I keep on the move: claiming a new spot under cover of darkness, waiting until daybreak, and the next unfortunate soul.

Load. Aim. Fire… Reload.

Too damn easy.

Not so much a case of whom do you target, more a case of who do you miss?

MUNSI

I Miss Him Still

By Christopher Munroe

I miss the man I used to be.

The energy, the enthusiasm of youth. The belief that I could do anything, these are things I do genuinely miss.

Don’t get me wrong, I’d never go back to being him in a million years. He was just the worst. If I met myself at seventeen it’d be five minutes before I wanted to punch him in the face. He was too full of himself, too in love with the sound of his own voice to be even remotely tolerable.

I still am, but the material I do now has improved somewhat…

ZACKMANN

“How was your grocery shopping trip with my favorite cousin?”

“Not too bad dearest. I brought you home some fresh butter.”

“But I asked for cream not butter.”

“Yes, I purchase you cream and you have butter.”

“You don’t make any sense.”

“Well Dearest, It would make sense if you had been riding in the car with you cousin. He got pulled over with the police officer accusing him of almost hitting a pedestrian. He might have gotten away without a ticket if he hadn’t said something to the cop about what matters is how many pedestrians he decisively missed.”

“I read that the place that Spongebob lives was probably named after where those nuclear tests were done.” mentioned Drew.

“Bikini Atoll?”

“Yes Dylan, and Bikini Bottom would be under it.” said Drew

“I never understood how crabs could give birth to blue whales.” pondered Zack.

“Mr Krabs didn’t give birth to Pearl. He is a crab not a seahorse.” responded Dyan

“Is Mr Krabs the Sweeney Todd of Bikini Bottom?” inquired Zack

“No, thats silly. Mr Krabs isn’t a barber.” replied Drew

“It’s unlikely Krabby patties are crab meat” added Dylan

“We’ll miss these talks when spring break ends.”

WHISPY

The Captain’s Eyeglass

Ruby wakes prodded from her sedation,

“Did you say, how do you do Miss?”

“I’ll have you know, I’m no Miss! I’m a Ms!”

“I was a Miss, a proper little Miss!”

“He put paid to that, ‘HIS Mrs’, he said, his to punch, slap and shout, get on yer back to! Do I feel remorse, do I heck, that knife set me free! What? Oh!”

Ruby grins.

“Who do I miss? I miss the dog, now give me my medication and get out!”

The officer drops the pills, rushes out, slamming and locking the door.

Ruby swallows the pills.

SPATE

Grace

She was gone. He knew already as he lay in the fog of sleep before even
getting out of bed. He couldn’t smell coffee. She always made the coffee.

He wasn’t sure what he would find. A note? Torn photographs? An empty
ring? But as he turned the corner she was there, sitting at the kitchen
table, smoking a cigarette, wearing that vacant stare.

The doctors said Alzheimer’s. Dementia. Neurodegenerative plaque. Said
her brain got all tangled.

He couldn’t let her go so ungraciously.

He reloaded the pistol, moved closer and aimed, determined through bitter
tears not to miss again.

TOM

Well Defined Relationship Part 40someting

As the good ladies of the Gear Guild swirled on the veranda, edges of lace
danced in the sunlight. The year of black was coming to a close. But who
would she leave behind when the morning-ware was neatly folded into a
chest? Who would she miss more the husband or the mother? As tea and cake
circulated a moment of seemly least significance arose. A random Sunday
with mother, her’s, and her sisters, flashed, then dissolved. She found
herself pulled to that circle of women. A black shawl dropped into the
dust. “My name is xxx” said the ex-widow.

Who would I Miss?

Speaking as an agnostic I wish to say the lure of heaven is as seductive
as a pint of Ben and Jerry’s on an Osage August afternoon. The more years
you pile up, the pile of funeral card keeps step as the days slip away.
Who do I miss? Grandma, Tony, Cliff, Jack, Susie, Billy, Adolph, Betty,
Zax, and Carl. For one reason or another be it distance or time I never
got the full measure of these people’s company. A happy wish heaven, but
if wishes were horses then beggars would ride. Oh yea Jimi Hendrix and Jim
Morrison.

Weekly Challenge #413 – Any town but Funkytown

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was ANY TOWN BUT FUNKYTOWN.

We’ve got stories by:

The next 100 word stories weekly challenge is on the topic of WHO DO YOU MISS?

Use the Share buttons at the end of the post to spam your social networks. This obligatory cat photo should help make the Internet go faster:

Red Hot Tinny Pepper

Finally, if there are any errors or corrections, please let me know, and I’ll fix them as soon as possible.

JOHN MUSICO
“Beverly Hills” by John Musico

People think they know Beverly Hills. They don’t.
I do. I was born there. You’d think it’s in the hills.
That’s only half the town. The residential and commercial districts are strictly separated. The commercial section is in the south that is flat. When you go north on Canon and cross Sunset boulevard (at the intersection where the Beverly Hills hotel is) and the street name changes to Benedict Canyon. There is where you find famous homes. Further north, which are in the hills, the homes are instead quite modest.

JEFFREY

Last Exit
by Jeffrey Fischer

They call this the end of the road, the place to run to when you’ve exhausted every other rabbit hole. When you’re on the lam and ask where you should go, the answer is always “Anywhere but Funkytown.” And yet so many eventually find their way here.

Ah yes, Funkytown. Of course, that’s not its real name, but it’s the name that stuck, what with the freaks and grifters and sad sacks who turn up here. And me, of course. I’m the man in the middle. If someone wants to find you, I’ll find you. If you don’t want to be found, I can make that happen too. After all, you’re now in Funkytown.

Upstairs, Downstairs
by Jeffrey Fischer

George Clinton died and found himself in a white room filled with flowers. Creatures in robes with wings on their backs strode to and fro, arranging flowers, bringing meals, and laying out clothes. The bar was fully stocked with his favorite drinks.

Clinton touched one of the angels on the sleeve. “Hey, man, I must be in Heaven, right? This here is FUNKYtown!”

The angel consulted an electronic tablet. “No, sir, you are in the correct place. Your entry reads ‘Any place but Funkytown.’ Now if you’ll excuse me…” The angel opened a CD case and placed the disc into a slot, then pushed the “close” button. The sound of Kenny G issued from the surround-sound speakers. “Welcome to eternity, Mr. Clinton.”

RICHARD

#1 – George’s Story: Part 50 – A woman scorned

“So, what’s the deal?”, scowled Emily: “You watch me get kidnapped without lifting a finger, then abandon me while you make a quick getaway? Then, you come here, drinking tea and munching biscuits as if everything is ok?”

George tried to placate her:

“Hey honey, chill baby! Just be cool about it.”

She stared at him.

“You sound like some seventies throwback! What do you think this is? Funky town? Well, listen buster… it’s anything but!”

Emily glared at him, then burst out laughing.

“Oh dear, I can’t believe you took me seriously! It’s good to see you again, George!”

#2 – Won’t You take me?

“Taxi!”

“Where to, guvnor?”

“I wanna go to Funky Town, won’t you take me to Funky Town?”

“Sorry guv – I can’t… I can take you to China Town, Downtown, Dirty Old Town or a Town called Malice”

“But none of those towns are right for me, can’t we talk about it?”

“Talk all you like, but the answer’s no. How about Trenchtown, or maybe Motown?”

“No, it’s gotta be Funky Town, or nowhere – c’mon, man, this is a taxi, right?”

“Yeah, this is a taxi, but I’m the driver and I’m telling you… dis goes any town, but Funky Town”

LIZZIE

The right place was also the wrong place. This yin/yang theory seemed valid, at least while Peter was aware of the fact that he walked a fine line of certainties and hesitations in a world of constant change. He would cross town to make sure his theory was right, lingering in shabby neighborhoods, only to realize that all the wrong places could never be the right places. He wanted to give up, but always gave in. That line before him became a harsh reminder that what was once perfect was really nothing more than a lie in shades of white.

CLIFF

I jumped in the cab and told him to take me to Funky Town.
“Oh, you don’t want to go there. How about Groovy Town?”
I declined.
“What about Trendy City? Coolsville? I know, I can take you to Really Happening Village.”
I was getting ticked and demanded that he take me to Funky Town.
“Oh, sir, I cannot take you there. I can go to any town but Funky Town.”
I asked if he was a wanted man there or something.
“No sir, it’s just that I have no soul and without soul, you cannot go to Funky Town.”

SEICHER

She studied the map. The route would take her several days of hard pedaling, but it appeared the terrain was fairly flat and if she chose the roads wisely she’d stay clear of nearly every town, no matter how small. Tara was convinced that she was still alive because she kept moving and avoided population centers. But now posted everywhere — on fence posts, barns and highway signs — were the cryptic messages about Funkytown and how the chompers were everywhere but there. Promises of shelter, supplies and other normals. She slipped her toes into the clips and pushed on towards safety.

SERENDIPITY

When I got the job, they asked me where I preferred to be based, I told them – any town.

But Funky Town?

I hadn’t bargained for this – the afros, the spangly jumpsuits, the strutting and posturing and all the jive talking – it’s just not me at all, but I’ve no choice – I’m stuck here.

Sadly, the funny mascot business doesn’t pay so well after all, but then again, what prospects do I realistically have: an ambitious, but overweight guy, with a drug habit, wearing a gorilla suit for a living?

I’m just a spunky, chunky, monkey junkie from downtown Funky.

TOM

A Well Defined Relationships Part 41

With the silent vow sealed the decision of where to make their stand was
the next order of business. “Carter’s Gap” offered Morehouse. “Bender’s
Turn.” countered Delmonico. “Funky-town.” said Proctor. Both revs chimed,
” Any town but Funky-town.” “Sorry boys, but this band of brothers ain’t
no democracy.” “Funky-town is undefendable.” “No high ground, just
ground.” “Le Cid Caesar will think were idiots, then we get cut to
ribbons.” “You have both forgotten your Sun Tzu?” said the Doctor turning
toward the churchyard. “Where are the going?” “To find a regiment of
women.” The plan was forming as he walked.

An Elegant Solution

The good people of Megiddo had had it with the born again tourist trade.
As a final act to drive the Pilgrims away they change the name of the town
to Funky-town. In the first year tourist trade dropped by 60%. The problem
was members of the Knesset were have none of that, the “Any Town but
Funk-town” bill went on to easy victory. So Funky-town was renamed, “Jesus
Sucks” the “Any Town But Jesus Town” bill went on to easy victory. After a
rafter of scatological name and scatological bills a final name was agree
upon. New Babylon.

Up the Rabbit Hole Part Nine

In the darkness the strains of Lipps Inc filled the air with disco. “Any
town but Funky-town,” thought Adam X. He had no idea what town he was
currently fastened to a chair. They had loaded him an a military transport
and he could now be seated anywhere on the greater North American
continent. Hands settled on his shoulder, then the hood was removed from
his head. It took a moment to readjust to the brightness of the light.
Something high and white caught his eye. Fort Meed Lost/Found. “Not the
same place Mr X.” said a voice behind him.

The Times They Are A Changing

During the Disco revival of 2260 towns all over the central territories
changed their name to Funky. It became common practices to announce your
municipality with a billboard of undulating females with prominent
posterior poses. The catch phrases Any in Butt Funky-town moved into the
English lexicon. It was a multiple decade party that in the end ground the
economy to dust. By 2310 the Neo-Puritan revival swiped all that
undulating way. Town’s got rename Providence and Temperance. Any town but
Funky-town. In 2408 the Neo-Romanic revival prove so sexually expletive
some longed for the gentler days of Funy Town.

MUNSI

Reflections Upon Your Town and Mine

By Christopher Munroe

There are lots of towns out there.

And, each in their own way, all of them are funky.

Detroit has Motown, Memphis Stax. James Brown grew up in Augusta.

Even Minneapolis has funk. Prince, Morris Day and the Time and more, who thought Minnesota would be funky?

But it is. Every town is.

Every town is funky.

It’s a beautiful thing.

I tried to write a story about a town other than Funkytown, and found that I could not.

But that’s okay.

Because finally I’ve realized: I don’t have to take you to Funkytown.

You’ve been there the whole time…

ZACKMANN

“Hey Cabby, Take me down to funky town.” he said

“Sorry no, any other district but not that one.” replied the driver.

“I can get another cab.”

“You could get another cab but unless you walk or take a train you won’t get there because no motorised vehicle is getting into Funky Town until Michael Bay is finished filming the Scott Roche Libertarian Wank Fiction trilogy. Your best bet is to get back on the commuter train until that stop.” cabby advised.

“Thanks, I play the Liberal Internet Executive who gets kill by his own bodyguard in the second act.”

CHELSEA

My home town.

You know, this used to be a real funky town, art work on streets corners, interesting little shops down town, an indie book store every time you turned around.

Something happened to my town. I don’t really know what it was or when it happened, but at some point this stopped being the place I grew up, these stopped being the streets of my youth.

Now all I see are giant office buildings and yuppy chain coffee shops.

What happened to the place where I grew up? What happened to the streets that shaped my world? What happened to my town?

Story prompt: Any town but funky town

SPATE

Taxi Driver

You dancing back there?

Look at you! You’re shaking like a Minnesota ice fisherman taking a leak.
You should copyright those moves. Collect royalties. or charity.

Say what?

You can talk about it, talk about it till you turn blue but we ain’t going
there.

Are you listening to me? Listen dancing fool, there is no Funkytown so I
cannot take you to Funkytown. It’s some guy’s metaphor. Imagination. Make
believe.

So how bout we just turn back to Washing-town, Senator, where we can all
make believe democracy is being served by lobbyists and super PAC’s with
hidden wealthy donors.

SINGH

29.1

in the throat of the night

Yogi dreamed blue petal-shapes

swirling interstices lattice window

net of jewels star-point to star-point

a face Saraswati of music learning

with a mala holding a palm leaf scroll

playing the veena under-drone aum

eight-petalled violet core

through it her sari moon white

her face the meeting point

slim lips eye-slits

Saraswati? no no Margaret

gold diademed peacock-seated

her voice a chiming bell

becoming words articulate

“stop dawdling go just go

walk the ice talk with mountains”

Yogi woke switched on the lamp

wrote and wrote with ardour

29.2

Darling,

I don’t have visions your way, but you entered my dream like a thief. No. I’m not going all Jesus-Wept on you. But did we hit the same frequency? Being apart, maybe we’re closer.

You were hummingbird-blue behind a stone lattice window. I wanted to get through its cosmic geometry to your Saraswati lips, but this head’s helmet is banal, banausic. How do I escape from a lead mask?

People regard me, but I’m feeling wrong.

I won’t be long. I will be back.

Always your

Yogi.

He folded, then licked the envelope to pass to Barhai.

29.3

The next morning Yogi followed Barhai

downstairs to the workshop. “Why not sit

and oversee? I have a meeting planned —

for the Kirtan Mandal where you will be guest.”

Yogi obliging, rose to wave him off.

Gaurav the artisan was sawing rosewood lengths.

He smiled as Yogi watched him plane, then fit

a dovetail joint. Yogi nodded approval

for work done with a straight up, solid heart.

Little Chotu turned up with his tray

bearing bottle-green glasses of milk chai.

Gaurav took a break. He was a poor man

with sinuous hands. His look was simple, kind.

29.4

After chai he looked about, producing

a box for Yogi to balance upon his knees

across his chola, holding thirty-three pieces

of hand-carved sandalwood and ebony

elephant howdah maharajah and rani,

with tiny tusks whitely eburnine,

suggesting ivory.

“Oot,” said Gaurav,

meaning camel bone. There were figures

on camelback, warriors on horses,

siege-leaders, soldiers, an antique Indian army.

Gaurav drew out a matching chandan rani,

making last naps and nicks with a pocket knife.

Blowing dust, he pressed it to Yogi’s chest

“Apki rani hain,” he said. “Your queen.”

It was his way of saying: look after your wife.

29.5

Chauhaan’s cream Ambassador pulled up.

Gaurav slipped away to furniture work.

“Greetings., Yogi. Do you know chaturanga?

Chess was born in ancient India.”

Chauhaun, the history buff soon told him how

Chaturanga meant ‘army’ – a royal game

to strategise with elephants, chariots, horsemen

and foot-soldiers. “It’s in Mahabharata.

Two sides, or four will thrown down bones of dice.”

“Just like Shakuni?” Yogi countered, “Who cheated

Yudhisthira of his kingdom?”

Chauhaan nodded.

“Er…sorry, Yogi, we have a satsang scheduled.

an invitation from a Sardarji friend.”

Queen in pocket, Yogi thought of Margot

as the solid Ambassador engine elephant-snorted.

29.6

Gobind Electricals had a roll-up door.

Amrik Singh smiled and greeted him —

with marigold garland and two chubby palms

joined in reverence. He spoke Punjabi:

“Aao, Sant ji,” then flicked a switch to English.

“You come to my shop. So nice!” He whacked

a chair of its dust, the scourge of highway towns

with dirty cloth, once a sleepy pajama.

His whip-the-snake technique also collected,

a bric-a-brac tray of defunct nuts and plugs,

cannibalised parts. The folderol catch-all

crashed and a screw-loose scrabble field.

“Sorry, Sant ji! I am very much clumsy.”

29.7

Amrik, a name aspiring to America

went hands and knees to clean up chaos quick.

The Sikh man with a beard so neatly pressed

into a hair net glued with fixer, puffed hard,

clearing the path for hospitality.

His young boy came from a nearby deep fry

witches’ cauldron bearing greasy samosas,

and served them with more chai. So frequently

offered, Yogi thought he should mainline it

to save on washing up. At last the Sardar

relaxed behind the counter and mopped his brow

with sweaty relief. Yogi had been brought

for a fifteen-minute, in-store quickie blessing.

29.8

Decorum needed small talk. Or distraction.

Yogi noticed a wall-frame, golden-tasselled.

It’s turbaned figure had black flowing beard,

wore sword, a bow, a quiver of deer leather

while meditating on a tiger skin.

Wearing a pelt he looked more warrior

than a skinny sadhu.

“So who is he?”

Yogi asked.

“Guru Gobind Singh

our Tenth Master,” said Amrik. “In his past birth

he sat at a lake circled by seven mountains.”

“Also where the Pandavas meditated,”

added Chauhaan.

“Is it real?” Asked Yogi

“We call it Hemkund Sahib, near Badrinath.”

An inner urge told Yogi: go, just go.

29.9

Almost on cue, a monsoon shower fell

like a superpower upon an errant outpost,

adding effect to Amrik’s passionate telling

of the Dasam Guru’s exploits — the one who gave

turban and beard to the Sikhs for coming times —

a hawk against an empire. Aurangzeb,

its Mughal, incarnadine, an anti-Hindu,

swearer of false oaths upon the Koran,

forcer of Islam upon two baby sons.

Gobind’s young refused and were bricked alive,

praising Formlessness to their last breath.

Yogi was moved.

“Please come for Hemkund Yatra,”

Amrik said. “Bless us with your presence.”

“When do you leave?”

“Tomorrow, Sant ji.”

29.10

“It feels the thing to do.” Yogi agreed.

Chauhaan was flummoxed, “But what about the satsangs,

the Kirtan Mandal? It’s only two weeks off.”

“Plenty of time,” said Amrik. “I will have him back.

We must show Sant ji some of India.”

“We will discuss with Barhai,” Chauhaan said,

“And send a message.”

“Thanks, but I’ve decided,”

said Yogi blithely. “I’ll let Barhai know.”

Chauhaan was stymied. He couldn’t say much now,

check-mated by a local business man.

“Chunga! I will book and pick you up

quite early,” Amrik manoeuvred quickly.

He was no Prince of Bumbledom after all.

29.11

“I had no choice. Yogi wants to go.

He said straight out.”

Chauhaan was reporting

in the workshop.

Barhai thought on it

and cleared his throat: “Next time, cut back on

the daily satsangs. Screen the parties first.

We cannot push the Ganga. She will flood

or flow the way a river wants. Now is

the time to exercise restraint – not of

Yogi, but our urgency. Amrik Singh

will have him back on time, especially if

we fete him at the Maha Kirtan Mandal.”

“Excellent. It will be even better.”

But Barhai knew he had no other choice.

DANNY

Crapton, Florida. Recently incorporated in 2013, the towns founder and mayor, Eric Crapton, is proud to say his family owns the horse manure, the cow manure, the chicken slaughterhouse, and the chicken manure factories that compromise 89 percent of the town’s economy. The rest of the town’s economy is created by the speed traps recently created on U.S. route 301 in Bradford County, Florida. Crapton is the proud location for the 324th Walmart super center in the State of Florida. Yes, there are additional speed traps in the parking lot. Crapton is a Funky town, but only because it literally smells like shit.

NORVAL JOE

Merle and Verle Hurley left the railway station, walking down the center of a empty, dusty street dressed in chicken suits. Merle’s was plain white, while Verle was a Rhode Island Red. Other men and women, similarly dressed, approached from different directions and converged on a large square building. Frenzied music blared from within while poultriesque patrons bobbed and jigged about the floor.
Merle dug through a feathered pocket and asked the woman collecting tickets, “Is this Funkytown hall?”
“Of course it is,” the woman said. “Everyone knows you ain’t gonna dance the Funky Chicken in any town but Funkytown.

TURA

Any town but Funkytown
——–
“Take me to funky town, big boy?” drawled the girl at the bar.

I tried to look at her sideways, but she didn’t have any sideways, so I looked her up and down. “Your mamma know you’re out late?” I said. “Send her over, and I’ll show her funky town.”

I didn’t see her move, but suddenly there’s a knife poking my throat, and the bartender’s playing invisible. “I tried askin’ nice, so now I gotta ask nasty. Some guys outside, they wanna talk to you, real bad.”

I had a feeling we were going anywhere but funky town tonight.

PLANET Z

I wrote a fourth act to Our Town.
It begins with everyone in the cemetery sitting quietly, including George and Emily.
Then, a bulldozer and a backhoe roll across the stage, scattering everyone.
Work stops. “What the shit is this?” yells a crewman. “This isn’t on any maps.”
“Just dump it all in the woods,” says a supervisor. And he bribes a county official.
Finally, the land developer sticks a sign in the ground: Grover’s Corners Country Club.
The play finishes with half-inebriated rich people golfing.
The fifth act is where they allow blacks to join. (But still not Jews.)

Weekly Challenge #412 – Where has the time gone?

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE?.

We’ve got stories by:

The next 100 word stories weekly challenge is on the topic of ANY TOWN BUT FUNKYTOWN.

Use the Share buttons at the end of the post to spam your social networks. This obligatory cat photo should help make the Internet go faster:

Paw Face

Finally, if there are any errors or corrections, please let me know, and I’ll fix them as soon as possible.

LIZZIE

“Mark my words, son, time flies.” The six year-old Tommy nodded diligently. His grandfather surely knew about these things. “One day you’re young and the next…” Tommy wasn’t quite sure of this though. When he was born, his grandfather was already old. He had gray hair and wrinkles. “Let’s go. We still have a few hours till sunset.” And they played football. His grandfather moved quite well for an old guy. Years later, when his granddad died, all Tommy could think of was that afternoon. “Time does fly, granddad,” he whispered softly, looking at the sun hiding behind the horizon.

JOHN MUSICO

“Time Cures All” by John Musico

The Alzheimer’s patient returned to his psychiatric appointment accompanied by his wife.
During the interview, the patient’s wife, as visits prior, answered all questions for him while shooting glares at him with her eyes to keep quiet and just sit still. He wasn’t his usual expressionless mute self that day. The wife declared to the psychiatrist; “He has clearly deteriorated.” The doctor explained; “ He is advancing to disinhibition. That means he can no longer suppress his urges.” She replied; “ I still don’t understand”. The patient turned to her and said smiling; “That means; time to shut up bitch.”

JEFFREY

On the Case
by Jeffrey Fischer

The police detective glanced around the ransacked room. “Okay, sir, just tell me what’s missing.”

The homeowner looked frantic. “The thieves took everything of value – my computer, my TV, phone. But I can replace all that. The one thing that is irreplaceable was a gift from my grandfather.”

“Don’t worry, sir, we’ll try to get your property back. Just describe this gift for me.”

“It’s a mid-century watch. It didn’t cost much, but it has great sentimental value for me. Please, detective, find out for me: where did the Timex go?”

Golden Years
by Jeffrey Fischer

I leaned back in the easy chair and turned to my wife. “It’s so nice to be able to sit here with you without a care in the world. I guess that’s what we worked so hard to achieve. It seemed like only yesterday when you were my bride. Now look at us: content just to while away the hours until we die. Where *did* the time go?”

Jennifer peered at me over her glasses. “Jeffrey, sarcasm doesn’t become you. When you married me, you knew I liked to watch “Downton Abbey.” It’s only an hour, and if you don’t like it, read a book.”

RICHARD

#1 – George’s Story: Part 49 – Time to go

Seeing the look on Rasputin’s face, George started babbling and looking for an escape route. He glanced at his watch:

“Oh, my goodness… where has the time gone? I’m terribly late… I really must be going. Terribly sorry!”

Rasputin’s sudden firm grip upon his shoulder said otherwise.

Without haste, the big man led him across the chapel, knocked on the ante-room door, and roughly pushed him through.

“And where the hell do you think you’ve been?”, said a familiar voice, sarcastically.

Sat upon a Sunday School chair, far too small for her, was Emily. And boy, did she look annoyed!

#2 – Time Lord

The first time that I met him, I was thoroughly impressed – long scarf, floppy hat and deep, booming voice.

He told me he was a Time Lord: “I keep time safe, I ensure it runs as it should – all the time in the universe passes through my hands. Never ask where the time has gone, for I am its keeper, and it comes to me!”

He gave me an enigmatic wink, before stepping into a nearby ‘phone box.

The next time I met him, I wasn’t quite so impressed.

Turns out, he owns the clock shop on the High Street!

#3 – The Timekeeper

‘Who wants to live forever?’

That was the advertising slogan that accompanied the launch of ‘The Timekeeper’, and despite its high price tag, millions were sold.

‘The Timekeeper is a revolutionary new product that captures all your wasted, lost and spare time throughout your life, keeping it safely and securely stored until your final moment. Then, simply press the chrono-key to release the stored time, extending your lifetime far beyond mortal years!’

Of course, I bought one.

And now, on my deathbed, I pressed the key…

Nothing.

Frantically, I tried again, and again.

Turns out, ‘The Timekeeper’ was just another scam.

#4 – Einstein

Einstein got it right, but Hawking messed up the mechanics.

Time is relative, but black holes? Sorry Stephen – you blew it!

A crushing singularity, where time itself grinds to a pulverising halt – it’s simply incorrect.

What really occurs is that the time that’s in short supply – the long summer days, memorable moments, happy hours… the times that seem to be over in an instant – these are captured by black holes, stretched to infinite length, then squeezed out the other side, where they become…

Those interminably long bus journeys, embarrassed silences, and the unending hours spent in the dentist’s waiting room.

TURA

Live fast, we’d certainly done that. Not the die young part, though. Then we’d all moved on, lost touch. But you never lose friends like that, so when his son called me, I had to go.

They’d had to cut out one lung, and the other wasn’t up to much. We talked over old times, although truth is, he was already slipping away, and his memory was pretty vague.

His eyes suddenly clouded with uncertainty, and he feverishly grasped my arm. “Tell me, Jake,” he quavered, “we had fun. Didn’t we? We had fun?”

“Yes,” I said, “we had fun.”

SINGH

28.7

She blinked with daylight. The storm had broken. Birds

were fluttering, stealing thatch.

“Atul!”

He’d migrated from the chair to her bed end.

“Your mother will be worried.

“No Madam.

She knows that you are sick.”

“Pass me water,

will you?”

As he jumped down, Yudhi jumped up,

then sank his butt, wetting the concrete floor.

Atul passed her a tumbler and let him out,

then squatted to sluice away the puppy puddle

with half a bucket, brooming the yellow runoff

out the door.

“You’re a darling,” Margot said.

She was glad for the boy, but wished Yogi was here.

28.8 kaleidoscope

Thanks to Little Man

Margot didn’t starve.

He brought subdzie-roti

packed by neighbourly women —

vegetable and chapati

spiced over hot-plate fires

from the rainbow tray of powders

always with tumeric, haldi

adding its yellow bias,

the Indian cure-all

anti-bacterial ginger-

cousin, along with mirch —

chilli that burns out fever.

Atul was courier for

the billions of women network

(local unsung chapter)

rolling dough into action.

Her sickness brought acceptance.

Bukhar, the fever leveller

breaks people, then bonds them.

None escapes what tries

to wrench body from soul,

dandled in the hands

of the death god Yama.

28.9

walking to the mandir red temple compound

for post-fever reboot inside the Gate of Aum

time overspent with newbie greenhearts

looking out not inward being a tree a shade-giver

she sighed relieved ding-alinging the God bell

bowing body down before the fire-pit

sprinkling samagri sandalwood sawdust rose-petals

with steel spoon camphor dhoop seven grains

to seek guidance feed the mouth of Agni

learn your life’s role Q & A with the fire-god

stay still ear tuned source ominous weather

the action of bowing on warm marble

blessed her forehead impressing a seed open sesame

28.10

The villagers bowed here with their skinny hopes

requesting rain, a cow, or marriage matches.

Their scale of wants was simple milk and roti.

Meanwhile a man ladled drips of ghee

from time to time, to appease the fire-god.

He was the Brahmin following tradition

who also tilled a plot, although his brood

lived out the back mainly on offerings

of store supplies and grimy rupee notes

earned for wedding services and funerals,

harvest mantras. His birth horoscopes

spoke auspicious outcomes, softened truths.

She fluttered rupee butterflies onto marble.

Eyes lit up. He chanted with more vigour.

28.11

The English-knowing priest soon spoke aloud.

“Where is your husband? We are missing him.”

“Yogi is busy. He will be back.”

She sat.

Her eyes searched the flames and climbed the wall.

Shiva was framed above in embossed tin,

the Lord of Yoga in his lotus pose

with three-pronged trishul, a cobra for a scarf

was well-scorched by the rising havan heat.

Then Yudhi barked, wagging his happy tail.

Rushing in, he leapt to clean her face.

The fire-priest flared up. “Get it out! Get it out!”

A tongue had spoken. No dog can enter heaven.

28.12

For his next trick he piddled by the fire.

The priest rose livid, scrabbling for a stick.

Margot should have laughed, but the fever —

her hard-to-send-off guest had made her tetchy.

She stood up, tree-like to protect the dog.

“Don’t touch the little thing. It’s just a puppy!”

Brahmin glared at the untouchable pariah.

“Don’t even think it, or I’ll crack your head.”

She grabbed the iron trishul against the wall

ready to wield like battle-goddess Durga

till the pissing war became an Indian stand-off.

He left in a huff. She cleaned the place and went.

28.13

This argy-bargy did not endear her

to the prestige priest and his close cronies.

Revere the goddess or just plain fear her.

Such men make witches from strong yonis.

These ruling males were at a loss

and Foreign Madam got a wide berth.

But children knew she was the boss.

Thus Gora the potter discerned her worth

like Om Prakash and Janadan

whose kids loved school. To make amends

Gora sent cups and Janadan, a melon

each day to her. She earned friends,

while the burning priest just stayed on fire

and gave bad press as the village-cryer.

28.14

Ram, her closest neighbour,

husband of Kamal Devi

urged by Atul dropped by

to do odd jobs, fixing

the waterpump handle

loose on its ratchet,

and mending the rot in gaps

of her enclosure. He

had no children in school

but following his wife’s

kind thought for Madam

did what he could, clearing

the sludge build-up

in the run-off channel.

Some old women passing

looked with hard eyes

wondering why this man

was helping out so much

the white Foreign Madam

whose own husband

should be doing her own chores —

not all their children

taken from farm duties.

28.15

She began to see the village folk divide

as the self-appointed, and the humble few

Kaurava cousins, Pandavas everywhere.

A woman without husband and protector

was danger time and a gossip topic.

Without school, she lacked a postal service

to send needful messages to parents.

But Atul and a handful of the keen

traded chores for some close-up lessons.

The poorer children had the appetite

as the monsoon poured down in fever bursts.

Each day she would read or act a story

from the Mahabharata book – this one

in verse with Atul as her translator.

28.16

Eklavya, the lowborn lad

did not know the high-caste law:

that poor polluted ones cannot

be purified through arts of war.

None told him Dronacharya

the warrior Brahmin of the bow

who taught the princes in silk robes

would one day, cruelly, strike a blow.

Eklavya, still fashioned faith,

shaping his Drona from raw clay

and bowing to the Guru’s form

gained archery an inner way.

Adeptness came, until one day

he shot seven arrows through the jaws

of some stray dog, pinned down and skewered,

the death-shake rattling in its claws.”

Yudhi then rolled over to play.

28.17

“He’s an English dog,” joked Atul.

He understands you, Madam.”

Now Drona with his best disciple

watching, walked out from the trees.

Arjuna, student-general

could not command such expertise.

Dronacharya, in a flash

now thought of rebel-flags unfurled,

inciting subdued tribes behind

the Greatest Archer in the World.

No, he must be one High-Born:

like Prince Arjuna—the hope and goal

who had the ancestry to assert

good politics of caste-control.

Drona called the boy: ‘Hey come!

How did you perfect your game?’

‘By offering all to you, my Lord,

I worshipped—you improved my aim.’”

28.18

“Is it true, Madam?”

She continued.

“I appreciate you for all this love,

and I see you practice everyday.

Now, as per custom, give my homage.’

The crafty guru made his play.

‘Though none can match, Eklavya,

who has shot upward from a slum

the future’s arrowhead is Arjuna.

Thus, I demand your severed thumb.’

So, Eklavya, the faithful slave

gave dakshina, the guru-fee.

Ever since, dissenting Dalits,

stretch the bow, but hold thumb free.

He placed it at the guru’s feet

a blemish on the Brahmin Law.

Now Dronacharya is best recalled

for stealing thumbs, not arts of war.”

28.19

Thus she passed her days of wet and hot

inside her hut with a happy yellow dog,

neighbour kids arriving between the storms.

Avoiding the Brahmin and fire mandir

she turned inside and found another place.

Nataraja danced before her eyes.

She saw and heard his damaru, the little drum

shaped like an hour-glass, sounding syllables

that make and break the universal law.

There was Ganga Devi in Shiva’s hair

unbraiding herself from his flowing dreadlocks.

Outside, rain had not let up and tractor blades

were ploughing the road. Then she heard Atul.

“Madam ji! Madam!”

NEIL

— Junkie —

You can get it all at Mr Johnson’s Time Emporium. Pop-books of individual seconds. Hours sealed in a can. Tanks containing whole years, if you’ve got the cash.

Time is money, Mr Johnson says.

And since he opened, I’ve never missed a deadline.

Never hit one, either. Because I can always get a couple more days, I never feel like I have to start anything.

It’s getting bad. I’ve got so much time that nothing ever gets done. I’m almost 50, but I’ve not yet had my 22nd birthday.

I’d quit, if it didn’t mean facing my credit card bill.

TOM

A silence gather about the Ghetto. Father Tony was joined by Rev
Morehouse. “Not you too, we are not going to have a dipped in nostalgic
band of brothers were has the time gone moment?” “Yes Captain Proctor, we
needn’t bring up what happen in that valley, just the death of dreams and
by my account we are the last still standing.” As if the years themselves
fell away, he was looking into the eyes of Lt Morehouse and Staff Sargent
Anthony Delmonico. “It will not go well.” said the doctor. “Never does.”
replied the priest.”Where are the guns, Morehouse?”

MUNSI

Floating Through the Day

By Christopher Munroe

You shiver, then whimper, naked and drained.

You assure me you’ll only need a minute.

It takes more like an hour.

I’d like you to stay, but you need to be at work in the morning, so do I, and I totally respect your decision to sleep in your own bed.

You thieve my pajama pants and TShirt, swimming in their size, and I walk you to your car, kissing you as you climb in, watching you drive away.

On the way back, it’s my turn to shiver.

My weekend is drawing to a close.

Where has the time gone?

SERENDIPITY

It sits on your hard drive, waiting to strike, then – at the worst possible moment – it starts to suck up your precious time, slowing your system to a crawl.

It mocks your deadlines with rogue updates, unexpected restarts and inexplicable crashes, misinterprets keystrokes, drops connections and hides files… and always when time is of the essence.

It comes preinstalled with every computer – PC or Mac – and there’s no escape.

So next time you wonder, “Where has the time gone?” – try switching off, and maybe you’ll work it out.

ZACKMANN

“Honey, where is the thyme? I bought some from the guy at the farmers market with the Volkswagen 412 squareback and am looking for the empty jar to fill.” said Zack

“Don’t worry dear I’m sure you’ll find it. I am sure I saw it recently, have you checked the top shelf of the dishwasher. I meant to put away the dishes but I could not find the time.” replied Connie.

“We haven’t used much since our baby left for college.” remarked Zack

Connie teased “We both worked but tried to give our child all the thyme in the world.”

DANNY

The world is asking, where has all The Time gone? The negative news about the crisis in Crimea, the missing airplane in Malaysia, and Eddie Van Halen previously wanting to join Kiss as their guitarist because he was fed up with arguing with David Lee Roth, left All The Time so fed up with humanity it decided to stop and take a vacation in the Bahamas. Top physicists and world leaders now question exactly when All The Time will come back so we can resume destroying ourselves, and whether All The Time will be to hung-over to resume moving forward.

CHELSEA

There was a sucking hole in his life. He wasn’t sure when he’d first noticed it. He’d always felt it there on the edge of everything, eating away at each moment.

He tried to keep a hold of the things that were important, family, friends, his sanity, but little by little each moment was stolen, devoured by the sucking hole in his world.

But, where did the time go, where was it actually going?

Was there a physical place he could go to get it all back?

That’s when he built the machine, and no one ever saw him again.

SEICHER

They say your life flashes rapidly in front of your eyes when you know you are about to die some sudden death. Who are They and how do They know this? Wouldn’t the people who know be…dead? She returned to watching a particularly embarrassing moment from junior high, vivid in its detail, right down to replicating the pain in her gut from the long ago angst. That was a random, cruel life review. And, why hasn’t anyone ever remarked that these flashes can happen at other times? She continued her reflection and her blank stare at the Windows loading screen.

SPATE

Bottles and Needles

She knows where Time goes. She followed him after the betrayal. Across alleys with dark corners, down sewers and through tunnels; all the way she hung not far behind him.

He stopped in a dank cavern and sat upon a rock. She quietly moved closer to see his skinny nakedness was covered with tattoos that looked like blue green bruises against his pale gray skin. And then she saw the ground all around was littered with bottles and dirty needles.

Heroin. That’s how he was manipulating the seconds and minutes and hours and days. Bottled smack.

Time is a junkie.

CLIFF

“All right, Eddie. You were the last one to be seen with it. So where is it?”
“I don’t know, I tell you. I didn’t take it.”
“Don’t lie to me, Eddie!”
“I’m tellin’ ya, when I left, it was right there in the bottle.”
“And now that sealed bottle is just empty?”
“It musta leaked out or something.”
“I’m warning you…”
“You ain’t got nothing on me. I got rights.”
Detective Crookshanks rubbed his eyes. Eddie wasn’t going to crack. It looked like the lab report was right. Nobody stole the liquid time. It just slipped into the future.

NORVAL JOE

Dergle followed Widow Finklestien to a small cafe. Either, she didn’t notice him following behind herA, or, with his changed status in reality, she didn’t know him anymore.
She sat in a booth, leaning across the table, holding hands with a man a little older than she. Dergle sat in the next booth, his back to hers.
“Where has the time gone, Harold?” She asked.
“That’s my point, Beula. Time’s moving on. Are you going to marry me, or not?”
A long pause followed his question. When she finally spoke, Dergle heard happiness in your voice, “Yes, Harold. I will.”

PLANET Z

Every week, the TIME magazine moves from the mailbox to the table by the front door.

Then, it moves to the countertop in the bathroom.
(Or the bathroom floor, if a cat knocks it there.)

After a day or so in the bathroom, it lands in the stack of magazines next to my wife’s easy chair.

It will float between the bathroom countertop for a few days, and then end up in the basket next to the toilet if there’s anything interesting in there for further reading.

And then, the trash. Along with all the other old catalogs and magazines.

Weekly Challenge #411 – Private

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was PRIVATE.

We’ve got stories by:

The next 100 word stories weekly challenge is on the topic of WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE?.

Use the Share buttons at the end of the post to spam your social networks. This obligatory cat photo should help make the Internet go faster:

Chair Cat

Finally, if there are any errors or corrections, please let me know, and I’ll fix them as soon as possible.

SEICHER RAE

Chris adjusted his headset and slumped back into his cheap chair — just another body in another cubicle in the sea of cubicles on this “secure work floor”. What a joke. Anyone with half a brain could leave with enough information to score at least a nice vacation. All the private identification information you could want, all given freely by the trusting dolts because they thought they were talking to the government. The sub-contracted job was minimum wage and the workers generally not too bright, but not Chris. He had plans; he could wait for the right call. He took another.

JEFFREY

Work is Its Own Reward
by Jeffrey Fischer

“We need to reward our best employees when they work hard on an assignment,” Mr. Silver said to his line managers.

Beth asked, “What kind of reward were you thinking about? We don’t have much in the way of a budget.”

Mr. Silver leaned back in his chair. “Maybe a $25 Starbucks gift certificate would show our appreciation. Heck if we chip in, we could make it fifty.”

Beth privately thought that wasn’t much of a motivational tool for employees making more than $75,000 a year, but she held her tongue. After all, keeping her paycheck flowing was its own reward.

The Examination
by Jeffrey Fischer

The doctor walked into Room 1 and looked at the patient on the table. “What seems to be the problem?”

“Doctor, I have some itching on my private parts and it won’t go away.”

The doctor chuckled kindly. “Well, that’s pretty easy to handle. Usually that’s just a case of genital crabs or lice. Let me take a look.” He performed an examination of the patient.

“That’s puzzling,” the doctor said. “I can’t see evidence of either crabs or lice. Just some white residue.”

“I could have told you that, doc. I just accidentally poured a bottle of itching powder down my shorts this morning. It’s pretty powerful stuff.”

Office Call
by Jeffrey Fischer

Bob knew the private meeting with his boss wouldn’t be a happy one when the older man shut his office door. “Bob, I have some bad news: we’re going to have to let you go. The minimum wage went up, which is great for the people we can afford to keep. Unfortunately, we can’t keep everyone, and you’re the low man on the totem pole.”

Bob looked stunned. “But… the President said raising the minimum wage wouldn’t lead to job losses.”

“Bob, he’s a politician. He lied.”

RICHARD

#1 – George’s Story: Part 48 – A poor reception

Draining his teacup, George pushed his way to the front of the chapel, and climbed into the pulpit.

Clearing his throat, he leaned forward and boldly addressed the congregation:

“Ladies and gentlemen! The world may be ending, but we don’t have to go without a struggle!”

At his words, silence descended, the people looked up at him questioningly, before losing interest and turning back to their tea, biscuits and conversation.

Rasputin appeared at the foot of the pulpit, an angry frown on his face:

“You!”, he snarled, “Will speak with me now!” – he pointed towards a side room: “In private!”

#2 – Private Sanderson

As disasters go, this was pretty bad.

The chain of command was in tatters – strategically placed explosives, plenty of luck and a badly-timed combat briefing had combined to wipe out every officer in the company. The unit needed a leader, and pretty quickly.

In such extreme circumstances, the burden of command falls upon the most senior recruit still standing. Such was the responsibility that now fell to Private Sanderson.

What followed was crushing defeat and humiliation.

Shortly after, military policy was changed to ensure regimental mascots could not hold rank – a dog would never be put in command again!

#3 – The Sign

The sign said ‘Private Property’, we took no notice – we climbed over the wall and made the place our playground.

They tried all sorts to keep us out, but we always found a way: The words ‘Keep Out!’ were added to the sign, to no effect – we still broke in every day after school.

We thought it was a joke, when we turned up one evening and the sign now said: ‘Pirate Property – Keep out!’, but we were wrong.

Several of us suffered cutlass wounds, and Billy Smith was forced to walk the plank.

We don’t play there any more.

#4 – The Door Marked ‘Private’: Part 1 – Interview With A Prisoner

Nobody knows what’s behind the door – it’s not just that it’s marked ‘Private’ – this is a tough place – they don’t stand for any messing about, so we avoid causing trouble.

There’s all sorts of rumours – some say it’s where they keep the electric chair; others, that it leads to solitary confinement… myself, I think it’s just a storeroom. There’s no way I’m taking a look though!

Yes, some people take the risk, but no way is that a good idea.

Why?

Simple – it may sound crazy, but I’m telling you, nobody who ever went through that door ever came back!

#5 – The Door Marked ‘Private’: Part 2 – Interview With The Governor

We run a tough regime around here – and it works. I can tell you that these inmates keep their noses clean and give us no trouble at all. After doing time here, you never see them back in prison again.

Matter of fact, I’d say most of them are pretty much reformed characters way before their sentence is finished, which gives us a bit of a problem with overcrowding and prisoners with no real need to be here.

That’s why we have the door.

What’s behind it? Well, there’s a short corridor, leading to another door, and beyond that…

Freedom!

JEFF HEMA

An Asset

By Jeff Hema

Against all odds, the exponent driven detective Carrie was right! He’d been turned.

“You either become a double agent or you’ll face the death penalty and a public humiliation,” she said to me laconically in private.

I had no option but to comply.

When I reached the frontier, border guards were very dubious, unlike their dogs that scented the traitor inside me. I felt like they wanted my demise so I burst into a derelict cabin and tried to block the door, but they were getting in from the bottom.

I had to cut them into pieces… One by one.

LIZZIE

Private matters are difficult to handle, especially if those involved are married. It’s tricky, confusing, and even murky to meddle in affairs that are none of your business. That’s exactly what Nolan thought when he decided to hop in the time machine to try to solve marital problems. It was the almighty Marriage Committee’s business, granted, but wasn’t it his marriage after all? Unfortunately, a revolutionary thought for his time, he knew… Well, the machine broke, and Nolan got stuck back in 1974. He spent the rest of his private life haunted by the possibility of marrying his own great-grandmother.

SERENDIPITY
It’s surprising how many people keep private information on their computers and make little, if any, effort to protect it from prying eyes.

All those dodgy photo’s you downloaded from the net; logs of those private conversations that you’d never want disclosed; and those little snippets of information that would shock people if they were to ever find out.

As for protection… passwords won’t help you – we hackers are like vampires: invite us in of your own free will, and we have free reign.

And inviting me in to your system, is a simple matter: just play this audio file!

TOM

Funny

One of my earliest memories is watching the Phil Silvers show. I was four
years old. Both my parent were always prone to laughter, but that show
produced a different magnitude of laughter. Being a rather focused and by
all account precocious child I tried to sort out the reasons that show was
funny. I remember to this day a character called Pvt. Swiftington Bilko.
A rubbery face comic in his first TV roll. Seven years later he would
become the chimney sweep in Mary Poppins. Oddly he grew up 60 miles to the
south of were I grew up.

Well Defined Relationships Part 39

Rev Tony made his way cross the church yard to Doc Proctor. “Private
conversation Andover.” he said ducking into the Ghetto of Our Lady of
Detroit. Amongst the walls of pistons and cover of hub caps Rev Tony
whispered the name Le Cid Caesar. “When will he be here?” ask the Doctor.
“He and his 40 thiefs will come with the last new moon. “Why tell me?”
“Your our only hope.” “NO NO NOT AGAIN Anthony.” “Look at them Andover
they are lambs before the slaughter.” “I’m not the man you need.” “If not
you, then who?” said the priest.

Up the Rabbit Hole Part 8

Adam X return to his normal life. Code Monkey by day Kabbalahist by night.
He scoured the net looking for all things 404. On day seven the work payed
off. A link to a private chat room in Romania. A group of Ukrainian
hackers closely guarded words hinted at a similar experience. When Adam
entered “Who is HE.” the room imploded. The ghost cursor started to blink
in a syncopated pattered. Then the reply appeared “HE is waiting.”
Everything went black the screen, the room, in the dark a silk hood
dropped over his head. Arms firmly lock on his.

MUNSI

The Age of Privacy

By Christopher Munroe

Once upon a time, we had a concept called “Privacy”.

Essentially, people could if they chose be alone. No social media, no CCTV, no NSA monitoring, nothing. Simply an individual, alone with his or her thoughts.

Communication, in the age of “Privacy”, happened face-to-face, between small numbers of consenting citizens, unrecorded. No detailed records were kept, indeed the idea of recording “Private” conversations was considered uncouth.

Because we were all isolated then, every one of us, even in groups.

We must’ve been desperately lonely.

Barbaric, isn’t it?

But that’s how we used to live.

We’ve come a long way since…

ZACKMANN

“I be glad I could have this private conversation with the Grimm Bastard’s supply officer. Ye are fair to me men and a good leader but Ye should not be too trusting of privateers even ones on your own ship.” says Captain Pigheart pushing Officer Johnson toward the fantail.

Officer Johnson kicks the captain in his privates then runs over the gangplank before Pigheart can order his detention. Johnsons is so glad his diligence to his duty resulted in acquiring the rum keg that Pigheart has used to become too tipsy to remember the Grim Bastard is still in port.

SPATE

The Intruder

The shower is probably the second most private place in this world… just you, the hot water, some soap. You never expect someone to creep up on you.

When I heard her bloodcurdling, heart searing scream I didn’t even think; I just bolted up the stairs, two at a time, threw open the bath door and yanked the curtain back.

She was naked, plastered flat against the wall, horrified; and there he was standing right in the shower with her.

I did what I had to do…

I squished the damn spider. He went down the drain in little pieces.

CLIFF

I had worked for the company for fourteen years and I’d never been on the tenth floor. The directory just showed it as “Private” and the elevator was locked. The door on the stairs was locked from the inside too. Yesterday, while climbing the stairs, I found the door blocked open, likely by some diehard smoker on the roof. I pulled the door open and looked inside. Rows of monitors showed company reports, budget plans, the entire corporate strategy. Sitting in front of those monitors were chimpanzees. A gorilla pushed me out the door with the words “You saw nothing.”

Nothing is private. Your bank accounts, your calls, your emails, all are subject to government surveillance. They track the GPS in your car and phone. They monitor your FaceSpace and TweetPages. If you catch their attention, they can know everything there is to know about you inside of an hour. Sure, they say it’s just bulk statistical data but really, what spy is given that kind of access and says “No, it wouldn’t be ethical.” You mark my words, they’re spying on everyone everywhere!

JOHN MUSICO

“None So Blind As Those Who Will Not See”
by John Musico

An atheist has no faith. He has no confidence that some power will save him.
However, without recognizing it- he does have faith.
It occurs after his talents have fallen short and he has again failed.
That night, he talks to himself. He reminds himself he has traversed rough waters prior and yet survived. He urges himself to return to the fight bravely.
He feels better. He is praying to a benevolent, intangible, almighty being- his inner self. He is even placing faith in someone who has failed. Yet, he chooses to believe nonetheless, without evidence. He does have faith.

BOTGIRL

Pride, Prejudice and Twitter, a 100 Word Story in Screenplay style by Botgirl Questi- www.botgirl.com

There’s also a video version, which is where the audio came from

PLAIN DRAWING ROOM

JANE AND MR. DARCY ARE STANDING AT THE LIBRARY.

JANE(EXCITED)

The social network isn’t just a medium of self-expression, it calls forth creativity that would not have otherwise been born…

MR DARCY

… and time not otherwise wasted.

(JANE smirks)

JANE

We hack off hunks of ourselves chronically crafting content that is convulsively consumed by hungry hordes viewing voyeuristically from the void!

MR DARCY bumps fists with JANE

MR DARCY

Incorrigible peeping Toms peering from timeless space, hungry ghosts gobbling down the guts we disgorge, zoned out zombies voraciously devouring endless tubs of all you can eat buttered brains, transfixed by the wit and witless wind.

JANE kisses MR DARCY

JANE

You’re feeding off me right now, so don’t forget to wipe your filthy mouth before you finish.

FADE TO BLACK

CHELSEA

Private Moments:

Private moments between two people are the sweetest things.

Soft whispers in the ear.
Gentle kisses on the lips.
Secret smiles when no one’s looking.
Silent sighs in the dark.

Sweet moments for two and only two.

It’s the most amazing thing in the world when you can share a private moment with someone who actually wants to be there. Moments that you keep close to your heart.

Private moments between two people.
Soft whispers in the ear.
Gentle kisses on the lips.
Secret smiles when no one’s looking.
Silent sighs in the dark.

Sweet moments for two and only two.

Private:

She saw him before he saw her, standing in the crowded lobby. Head down, focused on his phone, head phones in, lost in the song of the week.

She paused for a moment before walking up to him to really take it all in. To have this moment to herself.

He was waiting for her. He was there to spend time with her. Such a crazy concept in her world that she really did need that moment to herself.

Then she darted up to him and was rewarded first with surprise, then that smile. The private one just for her.

NORVAL JOE

The drill sergeant walked through the open bay barracks banging two garbage can lids together, and shouted, “I want every one of you swinging Richards out in formation, standing tall, at zero four, forty-five.”

The trainee’s jumped from their bunks, opened lockers to grab their uniforms, or dashed to the bathroom.

I was already information, knocking off the few chin hairs I could find with a dry disposable razor when Dennis came out and said, “We eat, sleep, shit, shower and shave with sixty other guys and they have the nerve to call us private. We should be called publics.”

TURA

Private
——–
“Private: Keep Out” said the sign.

“Don’t worry,” I said to my friend, “That doesn’t mean us.”

“THIS MEANS YOU,” it said sternly.

“Look”, I told it, “we’ve got more important things to do today than argue with a Keep Out sign.”

“Leave immediately or face countermeasures,” it answered.

“I don’t see any guns,” I retorted. “You don’t even have an Internet connection, do you?”

“No,” it admitted, looking crestfallen. As much as a metal plate on a post can. “They shut this place down years ago and left me running on an atomic battery. I just wanted the conversation.”

DANNY

Trolling Facebook the other day, and I saw a video clip of an Army Private getting kicked in his privates, followed by 127 of the most insane comments about utter nonsense, as if the Private whose testicles were now popping out of his mouth could not feel pain. He was not even human, his entire life reduced to a 25 second clip as if it were nothing more than a Tom and Jerry cartoon. Maybe some things in life were just meant to be private, I don’t see rape victims posting videos of their rape on Facebook. We should stop posting ours.

SINGH

28.1

Daily rain came down and down.

There wasn’t respite in her hut.

She closed school. The road to town

now boghole hell,was also shut.

She watched the village kids at times

cavorting in the plough-field muck.

For them, all was jolly times,

holidays since lightning struck.

Monsoon wets come sharp and short,

and next oppressive sweats of heat.

She’d cool off, but then was caught

like a fly upon her sticky seat.

She played with Yudhi to wait it out,

but lost her appetite for food

and took to bed with a nasty bout.

Fever watched the storm clouds brood.

28.2 Hoarfrost

So hot it’s cold laying down in the hut

fever is a portal time travel back

twenty years twenty miles south of Paris

Auvers-sur-Oise deckchair fishermen

casting lines lazy willows casting shadows

farther farmland cider-apple orchards

cherry trees nipple-laden criss-cross

of hawthorne hedges white flowers

like spicules of haw frost their stale sweet

trimethylamine of sex poppies straw hats

“Women Across a Field” Van Gogh country

“Wheat Fields with Crows” the flaming yellow sea

French-practice days a picnic lover

baguette cheese wine arse down on earth

head up under heaven so hot it’s cold

28.3 Necromancer

So hot it’s cold the black bite the swollen groins

pus volcanoes under armpits the fingers the rotting toes

black noses falling off gangrenous stink

necrosis trail into the forest clean beech bark

unsullied columbines blue jay songs plump quail

wise woman of the woods Grandma Mimi? Whose face?

nursing the nearly dead herbs air sunlight

until They march town shouters black habit bearing the Cross

Rope the necromancer! Drag her feet first hands behind back

Plague bitch! Spell thrower! Beware the witch eye!

Save the village! Throw her in the River Oise!

Squirrel horned owl red deer blink move on

28.4

So hot it’s cold sweaty Punjabi suit

inner colours unravel like Draupadi’s sari

skirts of fustian sheer linen pleated armlets of Isis

Indus saffron cotton Yuan Dynasty jade silk neck to ankle

Tyrian purple for her once-Greek lady-loose peplos

Byzantine ox leather Dalmatica cloak

woollen cape fastened on the right shoulder

velvet broadcloth with the sign of the artichoke

Spanish ruff for a delicate neck French needlelace

Marie Antoinette wig hat bearing a fruit bowl

lengths of chinz and muslin traded from India

Draupadi’s sari keeps unraveling East to West

guarding the secret soul-patches of her past

28.5 jejune

So hot it’s cold the day the night the faces

flying between the past the future legs bodies

as if passing through a glass walkway

old stone to modern extension slipping between

a lotus goddess to Detroit girl in snow

from Durga on tiger to Buick baby seat flashbacks

fast-forwards old stirrings ride along nothing jejune

about this journey her return to her repeating of

using the time-machine the hyper reality of Now

she has tasted the hallucinogens of fever Is she

the weak thatched hut of the flesh or a transporter

of private thoughts impressions transparent ghosts?

28.6

“Madam, Madam! Are you alright, Madam?

Reliable man had come with a kilo of milk

while she lay perspiring upon the bed.

The monsoon played its kettle drum tattoo

and Yudhi whimpered. Atul gave him the cream,

and poured her water from the sideboard jug.

“Drink Madam. You must keep drinking it.”

She sipped and coughed then, trying to sit up,

slumped back drained. Atul saved the tumbler

from minor flood. Not a drop spilled. He rose

up bigger than he was upon the chair

that had been growing also since last visit;

and didn’t move until the fever broke.

PLANET Z

When I was growing up, I never saw Jim Nabors on The Andy Griffith Show

Instead, I saw reruns of Gomer Pyle when he was a private in the Marines. And he sang at every Indy 500.

And Ron Howard was Ritchie Cunningham on Happy Days, not Opie the rascal in Mayberry.

Don Knotts was Mr. Furley in Three’s Company.
Even Andy Griffith was Matlock.

Looking up and down the cast list, the only other name I recognize is Denver Pyle. He was Uncle Jesse in the Dukes Of Hazzard.

The Andy Griffith Show is on Netflix?

Pass the popcorn.

Weekly Challenge #410 – Again

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was AGAIN.

We’ve got stories by:

The next 100 word stories weekly challenge is on the topic of PRIVATE.

Use the Share buttons at the end of the post to spam your social networks. This obligatory cat photo should help make the Internet go faster:

nardo in the sun

Finally, if there are any errors or corrections, please let me know, and I’ll fix them as soon as possible.

JOHN MUSICO

“Ain’t No Sunshine”
by John Musico

The song; “Ain’t no sunshine” nearly ruined my start in college. During the very first exam- that song came to mind. I had to let it cycle through, in its entirety that was so long. “Wella I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. Leave that girl alone. And a house just ain’t no home. Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone”. Then it started its cycle again, over and over. I failed. I shared my dilemma with my best friends father. He was a physician. He prescribed valium.

JEFFREY

Perfect Practice
by Jeffrey Fischer

I once had a high school teacher who doubled as a football coach. He enjoyed repetitive drills both on the field and in the classroom. Each year he would give the same motivational speech to his classes: “People say that practice makes perfect, but that’s wrong. *Perfect* practice makes perfect.” Then he would make us do the drill again.

“But sir,” I asked, “if perfection belongs only to God, then we can never practice perfectly. Shouldn’t we just go home?”

By that time in my academic career, my parents recognized the principal’s telephone number when she called.

Forecast
by Jeffrey Fischer

I use the MacBook to check the weather forecast. The snow continues to fall, and the forecast still calls for a foot of the stuff by tomorrow. I angrily slam the cover shut.

The cat walks to the front door, sees the snow, and meows, striding back to the warm couch with a disdainful look. This is the fourth time today she has made such a check. I turn to the cat and tell her, “They say that madness is doing the same thing again and again while expecting different results. You, cat, are definitely mad.”

The cat stares back as I open the MacBook and refresh the forecast. Still predicting a foot of snow. Dammit. I slam the top back down. Again.

RICHARD

#1 – George’s Story, Part 47: Time to change

Tea and biscuits aside, George was acutely aware that he seemed to have lost control of his life.

Up until his accident, he’d been a control freak; knew exactly what he was doing, and tended to be the one calling the shots. Since then, things had gone downhill, and he wasn’t enjoying being pushed around by circumstance.

He thought back to how he’d overcome his fears to break out of the hospital, and then risen to the challenge at Fort Hope… It was time to take charge again of his life, and maybe those of these helpless victims around him.

#2 – The same old story

So, here I am, once again – facing the same old challenge, in exactly the same way, as I face it every single time.

And every single time it’s like this, again, and again, and again – my mind goes blank, my thoughts wander, distractions creep in and the clock ticks incessantly onwards…

Here I am, once again – bereft of ideas, lacking inspiration, frustrated, annoyed and perplexed; wondering why I’m putting myself through this, yet again.

And then, without warning or fanfare, I start to write the words, and as always happens, despite all expectations, a story is finally written, once again.

TOM

He almost missed it. He had been able to retain in memory a proper name.
Sure, not one of truly significant personal impact, or was that true. Mr.
Moggly, earnest presenter of mathematical principles to hyper
disinterested pupils was in fact the seed of his future stoicism. A life
time of explaining the complex to the perplexed. “My name is Adam,” he
said. “Good by sir,” said He. Back at his desk Adam X mentally listed off
possible explanations for this bizarre experience. Tried as he may what
filled his mind was a deep desire to do is all again.

“Again!” cried Father Tony. He and Banister pulled the widow to the edge
of the bell tower floor. All were safely untethered from the hydrogen bag
that now floated gently away from the twin churches. Despite lacking
bravery the dual congregation made up for it in Enthusiasm. Song and
dance broke out below. When things settled down everyone’s eyes were
trained on Tim waiting for some sage pronouncement. All the disheveled lad
could think to say, “God bless us one and all.” Generations later would
nod as they read thous words on the Plaque below the Statue of the Seven

t’was one of thous stupid affirmatic graphics. A poster in the office
with the letter “A” in red and the letters g-a-i-n in black in a proper
lacquered frame. Just the insipid sub proses a paper-pusher would lock his
black heart on. Danny moved gold, Danny moved junk. Danny pushed pork
bellies Danny trolled tech. Danny chopped up mortgages ground them down to
dust, sifted through the pile, cleared his book by lunch. He promised the
world as the stocks fell through the floor. But what hit the floor under
that poster was Danny who’s heart would not beat again.

“Again,” demanded Madame Duperey. “No, Stop, Once again. First position,
Second position, arm curved.” The sound of the staff marked the time less
audible to the wobbling notes that squeaked from the Victoria. Tiny units
of equal time. It’s all about, again, mused Sabrina. The randomness of
childhood ended at the tender age of seven. Not the dance, death had
changed all things. She try to recall it again. The last thing Poppa said
to her was so uninformed, it tended to float away. It took continuous
focus to keep it firm in her head, close to her heart. “AGAIN.”

MUNSI

Persistence

By Christopher Munroe

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

If you still don’t succeed, stop.

Just stop.

You can’t be good at everything, there will always be things where no matter how hard you try, you’ll fail, and fail spectacularly.

And that’s okay.

Nobody’s expected to be good at everything, if you fail over and over, maybe it’s time to quit.

Not popular advice, but good advice.

It’s about opportunity cost, after all.

So yes, try, and try again. But past that point don’t be fanatical. Quit while you’re ahead.

Because quitters do win. They just win at something different…

CHELSEA

She looked up at him and said “You have such beautiful eyes.”

“No,” he said, cowering and trying to hide his face from her.

“Yes!” she replied, slowly tracing her fingers up his back and curling them into his soft, thick hair.

“No,” he replied again.

This time when he tried to hide she pulled back on his hair to bring his face back up to hers.

“Yes!” She said and leaned in to kiss him softly and passionately before releasing his hair.
“And don’t even get me started on that smile.” she said, kissing him before he hid again.

LIZZIE

Mirror, mirror on the wall,

Who is the fairest one of all?

She had a toolbox full of aids,

And these were shinny little blades.

Mirror, mirror blocking the way,

Who will jump and who will slay?

He tried to run as fast as the wind,

But she was faster and got his skin.

Mirror, mirror playing tricks,

Who forgets and who forgives?

She looked around for more.

All she got was a funky door.

“Mirror, mirror full of shades,

I’ll stay away,” she uttered, twisting her braids

In her own little private hell,

A cell, again a lonely cell.

JULIE

You did it to me,

Again

Each night I swear you will not.

But it happens,

Again.

I am called many things.

Drunk.

Emotional.

Crazy.

I am none of those.

You will not goad me into tears.

I will not nibble the bait.

But I do.

Again.

Some days

You did it to me,

Again

Each night I swear you will not.

But it happens,

Again.

I am called many things.

Drunk.

Emotional.

Crazy.

I am none of those.

You will not goad me into tears.

I will not nibble the bait.

But I do.

Again.

Some days

It goes OK

And other days not.

You did it tonight.

Again.

I will not feed you and fuck you.

I take things from my closets and dressers

The cabinet near my sink,

Toss them into the trash.

Slowly, over time winnow it away.

I will strive to travel lightly.

SERENDIPITY

He lay in a rapidly expanding pool of his own blood; his life ebbing away as I watched him dying.

It was unfortunate for me there were witnesses – two of them – a young man and a woman, both of them now cowering in the corner of the room… and, as luck would have it, I only had one bullet remaining.

Who should I shoot – the guy or the girl? Either way, I was inevitably going to get caught – there was no escaping it.

I sighed and I placed the gun barrel to my temple, before softly squeezing the trigger, once again.

ZACKMANN

“Dylan, for the sake of whatever you hold Holy, stop playing that album. It has been on constantly. You know if I wanted to hear the same songs over and over repeatedly, I would turn on a top forty station.”

“But I love this CD.”

“I used to love that band too but in the way your mother used to love snow before she spent a few winters in the upper midwest.”

“Since you’re my favorite roommate you know what I will do?”

“No, Dylan but I hope it involves returning your mother’s CD and never playing it another time.”

NEIL

— Out of Date —

It had been an ill-timed jump, and Dirk was about to die.

He’d been told there was a bright white light. Then maybe he’d be taken to stand in front of Saint Peter, or watch as his heart was weighed against a feather.

But instead of his life flashing before him, two words appeared as his world went dark.

Continue Y/N?

And a countdown. Ten. Nine. Eight.

“Yes!” he said, as the numbers ticked lower. “Yes, yes!”

On the edge of hearing, he caught ‘not that interesting…’ ‘meh, old crap…’ ‘let’s play Street Fighter instead…’

Then silence.

Three. Two. One.

TURA

Again
——–
When I died, it ruined all my plans, except one. Time to practice my studies of the Tibetan Book of the Dead.

Tunnel of light: ignore it, it’s just the random sparkings of my brain shutting down. Now the clear and smoky lights of the heavens and hells. Avoid them all, I intend doing better than that.

Mild and fierce deities, just say boo.

Rebirth options coming up. This is the trickiest part, not just getting a human rebirth, but a fortunate one. And… and… this one!

Oops, third daughter of a Mongolian yak herder. Life on hard mode again.

SPATE

Mostly True Tales from the Navy

Part 4

Between Two Worlds

Again she appeared, the girl with the flaxen hair and the sky blue eyes, imploring me to understand: the bear had come, his strong arms offering comfort in the uncertainty of the storm.

Where was she to turn? What decision was hers? All sides had hidden intent.

I reached for her but she backed away and began sinking into the opaqueness of the sea.

That’s when I awoke, somewhere in the western Pacific, fighter jets scrambling on the flight deck above the enlisted quarters rack where I lay clinging to the recurring dream, holding my breath between two worlds again.

CLIFF

The master died yesterday and we burned him today. I laid his body in the shed and sat with him as the house robots filled and surrounded the building with wood. The fire burned for hours and, in the end, I sat next to charred bones. We carefully loaded them into a sturdy case for the journey. He believed that all life came from the sea and wanted his bones returned there. He felt that, once in the sea, he would be a part of life again. It was good to have a purpose even if my master was gone.

SINGH

27.1

The whale of a house was first to call Yogi for satsang

some District belly of Works, who ensures nothing will happen

without eating his weekly ‘hafta’, a fad wad of hundreds, stapled.

Impressario Barhai gave White Yogi a make-over:

elegant cream, quilt shoulders, some silk to snake the neck with.

Chauhaan lugged the guitar case, grey and sleek as a dolphin,

nosing passed people waiting seated on white linen.

A tabla player came with the entourage of Yogi guitarfish

sitting to tune both treble and bass, then dive down under.

Yogi strummed and sang in a scale pelagic and solemn.

27.2

Next day, it was a house behind the college.

Mrs Malholtra greeted at the door.

The satsang started in her livingroom.

Yogi sang his mish-mash nonsense chant

based on Sanskrit names for baby Krishna

go-pa-la go-pa-la

de-va-ki nun-dana go-pa-la

lah lah lah lah go far lah lah

lah lah lah lah go-go very far

No one said a word and clapped along.

He was a foreigner. He went unquestioned.

After, they dropped rupees at his feet

that Barhai later grabbed. Then onto the next:

another home of Mrs Middle-class.

27.3

Barhai sold the emperor’s new clothes

till day and nightly satsangs were the rage.

Wealth and status tasted the first cream

and lapped it up, meowing to the neighbours.

Fame makes rings that spread across a town.

All wanted to touch the robed and shoeless saint

gracing divans and nibbling their pakoras.

Some even took his leavings as prashad.*

Yogi’s azure eyes played their foreign part.

He came and sat and smiled and sang, just

glad that funds would flow back to the school.

For most, he was every centimetre holy

while Barhai hid his cheshire pleasure smirk.

*blessed food.

27.4

S.P. Agarwaal, a high-ranking cop

invited Yogi inside. “Aiyay, Sir.”

Someone was waving a tray with burning ghee-lamp,

while others avalanched him with their ropes

of cream and crimson flower-headed garlands.

Yogi sang, then tried some smatter of Hindi.

Then Agarwaal came half-sobbing. “Yogi ji,

my daughter is having bad pneumonia.

Please, you come to the hospital and bless her.”

Yogi felt awkward and glanced across to Barhai

whose simply said: “Certainly, Agarwaal Sahib!”

Approval murmured through the gathering

like wings of fluttering pigeons in a coop.

Thus Yogi was driven to the medical centre.

27.5 Chimera

As soon as passing through the swing-bang doors

Yogi did not want to be there. Phenol

pinched his nose, flooding him with childhood’s

asthma stints that gasped in hospital.

But he could not say as Agarwaal charged ahead.

His feverish three-year-old and fraught wife

were in the children’s ward. He implored.

Nurse Whitecap nodded to Dr Whitecoat

glancing at White Yogi– practitioners

of priestcraft – different schools. “Doctor

says go in,” Nurse Whitecap said. “She is

in Jesus’ hands.”

An Indian Christian. Barhai

steered Yogi through the breezy porthole doors

and the phenol odour made him retch again.

27.6

“Baba bless my little girl,” the mother said

bobbing to touch his feet. But Yogi felt

fraudulent as that day beside the Ganges

when a villager humbly kneeled for blessing

as if he was a meditating sadhu.

Belief in holiness he hoped would be enough,

not in him; and prayed to God to save her.

He felt it wrong, but touched the fontanelle.

The baby murmured, surprising him. Was this

gurgle, proof he was a conduit? “Please,”

Nurse Whitecap said. “She must be resting now.”

The khaki Superintendent was overcome

and thrust a wad of notes in Barhai’s hand.

27.7

Within one day the Agarwaal baby lungs

were suddenly clear of noctilucous blotches.

Whitecoat blinked. Nurse Whitecap said, “Praise Jesus.”

No phosphor specks shined in the x-ray dark.

Barhai went to Yogi. “The God has blessed you.”

“Look. I’m glad that she has pulled through, but

she was lucky, Barhai.”

“Why to doubt?

You may have healing hands and the God knows only.”

Yogi listened. The idea of having a gift

was pleasing vanity, although the ego shrugged.

“If you are praying for the people with a pure heart

where is the wrong in it. The God bestows.”

27.8

Word spread fast of Yogi, the singing saint

with the healer’s touch. Barhai’s phone kept

ringing, while Chauhaan turned secretary.

Calls for home satsangs went ballistic.

So they invented the fifteen minute stop.

Yogi did his job, listening to requests

for better health, jobs, or having a son.

Barhai advised to nod and smile and touch

bowed lady heads, or pat the backs of men.

With the wish-stream came the flow of cash.

It was clear transaction: blessings for money.

Embarrassed first, Yogi then rationalised

how Barhai was collecting for the school.

and kept aloof from any money-handling.

27.9 Dystopia

The monsoon rains kept the campaign going —

short cold bursts shifting to rising steam.

Overly busy, Yogi neglected Margaret,

and wondered if she was coping in the village.

He thought to write and asked Barhai to send it

somehow. The roads were still deep ruts of mud.

“Of course,” said Barhai with all confidence

salving Yogi’s conscience on the surface.

He missed her badly, thinking of her at night,

now a past life friend. With thoughts disturbed

his head became a guilty chatroom; so drew

a Gita Card for calm — ‘Divine Descent’

the avatar call coming from age to age:

27.10

When wickedness consumes the ways of humankind
I descend to end dystopia with Dharma saving the pious.

The card evoked discord —apocalypse,

a dynasty’s royal end of noble days.

Krishna the Eighth Avatar from Vishnu

walks the knife-edge Copper Age and Iron,

the maintenance man of cosmic renovation.

The godhead warhead unleashes annihilation,

a fire machine’s scorched earth policy.

It was a cleansing card, a reality check.

He wondered how it weighed upon his marriage.

Timed with cold-and-hot-tap running weather,

these monsoons and the so-humid steam baths

might somehow cleanse the dirt pores of his life.

27.11

Darling,

So we are apart for now to start again with new leaves coming on the tree. You wanted me to go and do and be someone you could be proud of. But without you here or me returning are we moving with one map? It’s hard to see the way through mud and rain. It’s hard to hold onto the hope we’re still viable. I long for you each night and miss your neck, your arms, your legs. My hands are lost. I miss the nest where we end all our questioning. And want to be at rest.

Yogi.

27.12

Yogi told just how things were.

Margot, his darling other half

Shouldn’t feel he did not love her.

Yes, he was her moon-calf.

Maybe he did not know himself.

Words too often try to hide

what should be simple, off-the-shelf,

private and bone-fide.

If roads were blocked with mud and grime

and kept him in this town,

he would now write from time to time

about what was going down.

Sealing his letter, he went to Barhai.

“Can you get this sent today?”

Barhai took it. “I will try ji.”

Then he locked it away.

NORVAL JOE

Dergle held open the driver’s door to his Volkswagon Microvan and waited for Long Jong Silver to hop onto the bench seat and crawl toward the opposite door. The weiner dog waited for his master to climb in and close the door before he lay his muzzle on Dergle’s leg.
“I don’t know boy,” he said, scratching the dog’s head. “I don’t think I can start over again, from the beginning. No place to live, no money, and no job.”
“What options do we have?” Long John asked.
Dergle just shook his head and said, “I sure hope I’m dreaming.”

DANNY

Please say hello to Tara for me. I swear, if flying from Tampa to Newark was half the cost of a bus ticket from NY Port Authority to Chicago, and the flight time was only 1/10 of the time it takes to gets from Manhattan to the New Jersey during peak rush hour traffic, I swear I would totally be there within 73 hours, but only if my math is correct. I’ve always noticed that people who can’t drive worth a shit are always smiling at me while they run me off the road. But their smiles… again they were so convincing.

RICK

She paused at his door … again.
Her friends said he was too old … they were right.
He wasn’t an attractive man.
He didn’t have much money.
He lived in a small apartment.
No one seemed to understand …
… in that small apartment …
She could talk … and someone would listen.
She could cry … and someone would comfort her.
She could be wrong … and there was someone who would forgive.
She could sing, laugh, and dance … and someone was there to sing, laugh, and dance with her.

She could just be who she was!

With a smile she knocked on the door … again.

PLANET Z

Ah, Ocean Base One. You were once a grand and majestic city, afloat on the Pacific.

Such good times we had.

They say you can never go home again, but this doesn’t stop me from trying.

The Russians sank Ocean Base One during The Putin Wars. But seven thousand feet is child’s play these days. We started a Kickstarter to raise it back up, and we’re nearly funded.

The radiation, on the other hand, isn’t so easy to fix. But I’ve got a good radiation suit, and when I find my old teddy bear, I’ll encase it in lead shielding.

Weekly Challenge #409 – Formula

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was FORMULA.

We’ve got stories by:

The next 100 word stories weekly challenge is on the topic of AGAIN.

Use the Share buttons at the end of the post to spam your social networks. This obligatory cat photo should help make the Internet go faster:

Tinnyversary

Finally, if there are any errors or corrections, please let me know, and I’ll fix them as soon as possible.

JOHN MUSICO

“A Cool Formula” by John Musico

My favorite molecule is PABA found in sunscreen.
Its core is a hexagon of 6 carbons; termed benzene. In chemistry, carbons must bind to 4 atoms. Here, each binds to the adjacent 2 carbons in the hexagon plus to a hydrogen at the corners. The 4th bond is achieved by a shared orbital amongst the 6 carbons. The sun’s UV energy makes electrons jump to the next carbon via this shared path. This movement absorbs the damaging UV rays. The PABA film thus shields the underlying skin. I do wish I could hear those electrons whirling around the PABA ring.

RYAN

He has a secret formula. He keeps it in his house. He’s never told a single soul. Not even his new spouse. He puts it in his famous steak, and in his soup as well. No one knows just what it is that makes it taste so swell.

He used it in the flower bed, and poured some on the grass. His lawn grew green and lush, and no one’s could surpass.

One day his spouse exclaimed with excited glee, “I’ve found his secret recipe!”

His face grew red as he got hotter. She revealed his secret was only water.

JEFFREY

The Ultimate Formula
by Jeffrey Fischer

Professor Schweinstein started at the whiteboard, which was filled with mathematical notations. He was *that* close to a unified theory of physics, he could feel it. He was one insight away from explaining the mysteries of the universe, but he couldn’t see the last step. In frustration, he left his office for the evening.

Mrs. Klotz was a dutiful cleaning lady, even if her vision was not what it used to be. She reached for the professor’s trash can and brushed against the whiteboard. One formula changed slightly, unlocking the last key.

As the universe began to collapse, Mrs. Klotz shuffled to the next office, unaware of her cosmic importance.

Oscar Time
by Jeffrey Fischer

The studio executives sat around a large table, smoking cigars and talking about the movies they would green-light. An action film, a period drama, a comedy with a cross-dressing black man, a rom-com, and a weepy chick movie. Stanley sighed. He said, “Come on, guys, this is so formulaic. Sure, they’re all proven money-makers, but is this what we got into pictures for?” The others shook their heads. No, cocaine was what they got into pictures for.

“Get this,” Stanley continued. “Weepy chick movie, but both stars are hot girls. Genius, right? The female audience will go for the tissue factor, the boyfriends have something to look at, and it gets those gay rights assholes off our backs. I smell multiple Oscars.”

RICHARD

#1 – George’s Story, Part 46: Custard creams

George had a sneaking suspicion that whimpering like a baby and admitting to being a coward wouldn’t go down well with Rasputin – it wasn’t exactly a winning formula!

Rasputin snorted in disgust and turned away.

Miserably, George shrank further into the pew and prayed… for the service to be over.

Eventually, the last hymn was sung and George found himself surrounded by a group of rather intense new friends, drinking tea and munching custard cream biscuits.

It wasn’t so bad and – if the world was about to end – he could think of worse ways to be spending his last hours.

#2 – Formula

‘e=mc2’ – I never really understood what it was supposed to mean… something to do with the gravity of relatives, I think, or is it to do with circles and acceleration?

Whatever it means, I’ve managed to bluff my way through life pretty well so far, giving knowledgeable smiles and understanding nods whenever it enters the conversation.

That is, until today, when I realised that I know even less about Einstein’s work that even I imagined.

Yes… it’s taken me all eighty-one words of this story so far, before realising that it’s an equation, and not a formula at all!

TURA

Formula, or, Sherlock to his dark lady

To everything there is a formula
Cigar ash, muddy boots, the Channel tides;
Perceive the hidden clockwork clearly and
Its present, past, and future are implied.

These lovers gazing on each others’ face
With blind regard, who see yet never see:
One minute’s observation tells me all
That their love is, and was, and e’er shall be.

But when I watch upon your watching eye
My usual methods exercise in vain;
My thoughts reach no conclusion but a sigh
And all my reasoning rebounds again.

I must, yet must not, find thy hidden heart
Discover love by taking it apart.
——–

TOM

A Well Defined Relationship Part 37

The story goes Archibald Morehouse divined the formula that allowed
perpetual motion to be. Rev Sackbe knew better having been told the actual
events leading up to the foundation of their faith. Archie a third year
student at Rutherford Poly-tech was playing poke with a Gnome, a shaman,
and the prioress of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, on an inside
straight he won the formula. Because same said formula was causing the
bell tower to turn, and by proxie the steeple, Sackbee had to invoke the
counter-formula. All he had to do was type it into the spreadsheet cell,
hit F9

Up The Rabbit Hole Part 6
He moved pass shelves that read: Algebra II. Laying out in plain view was
his Junior year final. The page was nearly totally blank, but for the
following formula: Y squared divided by A squared minus X squared divided
by B squared equals One. An unearthed memory of Wittleton Moggsly cross
his mind. “What the hell did he call thous dotted line that hugged the
edge of the … you know the curve parts?” Not have the ability to
describe a thing with out its name was getting damn irritating “OH you
mean the not falling together lines” said He.

LIZZIE

I stayed at the hospital for a week to undergo a routine treatment. Unexpectedly, the treatment provided had a new formula. Despite my heated protests, that’s what I was given. It’s more effective, they insisted stubbornly. However, I felt different. I tried to keep things under control, but my vision got blurred and I started seeing people’s insides as if they were being scanned by a 3D x-ray machine. I looked away. I closed my eyes. I couldn’t stand it. Yet, their intestines, their stomachs, their lungs almost jumped out of them. Curiously enough, I didn’t see one single heart…

SERENDIPITY

Science lessons always bored me to tears – the teacher would show us a formula, and all I saw were letters and numbers… it made no sense at all.

I wasn’t the only one who struggled – most of us in the class didn’t have a clue. Eventually, we hit on a plan which was to make lessons far more interesting than we could ever have imagined.

You see, one white powder looks very like another, and the average bottle of clear liquid resembles pretty much any other bottle of clear liquid… but swap the labels and that’s when the magic happens!

MUNSI

A Formula for a Successful Life

By Christopher Munroe

One: Figure out who you are and what you want from this world, then do things that help you toward that.

Two: Enjoy your body, whatever its shape, size or type. It’s yours, you own it, and it serves you. It’s not enough to love your body, use it every day and appreciate it.

Three: With regard to your mind, see point two.

Four: Regret what you’ve done when necessary, but never regret who you are for even a moment.

…this advice is good.

I’m still working on following it.

I’m working on me.

It’s a process.

I’ll get there…

SINGH

26.11

Young Atul was waiting just over the water —

her little man, the dark-skinned casteless boy

whiplash quick, smarter than all the lumps

of farmer lads and daughters, buffalo-thick.

Her gambolling lamb spoke up when she appeared

“Madam, Madam! Careful of the water.

Very soggy: gobar-mud with potholes!”

He was her lookout and reward for kindness

who gave more back by learning all he could,

dwarfing bullies. She was his mother partridge.

Margot was glad some little men are true

and wise despite short legs and know of troubles.

If only Paul and Adele could be like him.

26.12

Proudly he steered his Madam village-wards.

They sloshed and slipped and laughed as last drops glopped

upon their heads. Now close to Madam’s hut

Atul whispered: “We are being followed.”

A yellow lolloping puppy was behind them.

They stopped. It paddled and panted closer

through clear puddles where bits of sun now shimmered

before the next storm shower. The puppy barked

and nosed a fallen stick from water, tossing

and catching and dropping it at her feet.

“He likes you Madam,” Atul the sage kid said.

“But whose is he?” She asked. His English was

improving day by day.

26.13

“No one’s, Madam.”

Such kutas live on rotten scrap or bone.
Madam, he likes you. Take the kuta home.

Otherwise, he soon will be biting and fighting.”

It was as if the boy had voiced his own

true wish — to live with her. His own mother

bashed him nightly with no husband present.

He’d gone to labour somewhere in Punjab,

menially for those who sleep through seasons.

“If I do, you’ll have to help,” she said.

“He came along behind us both today

and wants a proper master as well as a madam.”

He giggled then, charmed by her witticism.

26.14

“He needs a name,” she said. “You choose.”

“Yudhi?”

“Is that an Indian doggy kind of a name?”

“Nehi Ji, Madam. No one keeps such a pet.”

Everyone thinks that a dog is worse than the dirt.”

“Ah, Yudhisthira. The Mahabharata!”

At last she got it. “You remembered from the story.”

His bright teeth gleamed, happy with himself.

“Yudhi it is,” she nodded. “You’d better go.”

“Madam ji. I will be helping you both later.”

And her little man strode tall on past the last

thatch hut. Beyond, the caste pariahs

lived as shitcan cleaners near the roaming dogs.

26.15 again

The little mutt called Yudhi

followed through her gate

around the side to the pump

where she grabbed and held him down,

then worked the water lever.

He bit the gushing stream

and growled and bit again

at the clean, cold aquifer

as she pumped and caught his neck,

lathering with soap

to lose the mongrel crust

and make of him a prince,

a shining yellow god,

trimmed and groomed and fed.

Was he a proxy dog,

four-legged life in need?

Today she did not care

forgetting her woman woe.

One puppy was enough

to salve her aching love.

26. 16

And perhaps he was not able to get home:

the storms, the roads, the lack of telephone

to make report. These wet days changed things fast.

The rhythm of the season bogged them down.

Atul would come. She gave him English lessons

and Yudhi yapped and did his doggy dirt.

The little man would bring her buffalo milk,

and the little dog would lap it up, then snore.

And perhaps he was not able to come home

and wanted to, was waiting for the rains?

And perhaps she’d find some Yogi-formula.

She hoped and prayed for him by candlelight.

ZACKMANN

“Dearest, have you seen the baby’s formula?”

“Honey, we weaned him months ago and gave the leftover to your sister for her baby”

“No, not that formula” he said handing her a piece of paper marked in crayon

“Look what my son did”

She picked it up and saw x plus x equals two x.

“That does seem a simple formula.” she said

He replied “You can’t expect too much from formula one, he’s only is a toddler. After all it is only a baby formula.”

“Of course Dearest, no doubt he will eventually discover the equation for quantum mechanics.”

SPATE

Hairy Situation

After the lawsuits he was destitute. Sad fate for the chemist who effectively eliminated baldness.

When applied, his formula instantly created follicles that immediately produced hair. Not that monoxadil wispy new down stuff but thick, rich, lavish, permanent, very fast growing hair.

Just a drop of it on any human skin… and that was the problem… any skin. The stupidity of man was terribly underestimated.

And he cursed himself by testing it on his own palm.

Has to carry an electric razor and shave it three times a day and he still gets the odd look whenever he shakes hands.

NEIL

Ingredients

A small tesla coil.

Garden shears.

A shovel.

A large array of glassware: test tubes, petri dishes and vats, some with live culture.

A jar of formaldehyde.

A tank of water, and smaller containers of phosphorus, potassium, sulphur and hydrocarbon derivatives, as well as a range of trace elements.

A large work surface, brushed and sterilised.

A book of names.

Two cigarettes.

When her husband came home, she kissed him on the cheek and proudly showed him the equipment.

“Sweetie,” he said, “that’s not quite what I meant when I asked if you’d like to make a baby with me.”

CHELSEA

She always wanted to know what it was that made it all work. If only she could just figure it out, and then everything would become clear. She would be able to fill in all the holes in the world. She would be able to make them all see what they had been missing all this time.
There had to be one. A formula. A simple equation to the intricacies of the human mind. Then she would finally have the world at her feet. Now, where did she leave that cattle prod, this subject was going to need some persuading.

CLIFF

The world was panicked and rightly so. No one had been able to stop the invaders. The president looked over the list of names the Pentagon had forwarded to him. Finally, he spoke to the assembled generals.
“Ok, here’s your team. Get this guy. He’s an alcoholic burnout who once was the greatest xenobiologist alive until aliens killed his family. Get the loose cannon Colonel to handle the military end of things. Then we’ll need a hot blonde, a handsome ne’er do well, and a couple of nerdy geniuses.” The generals stared at him. “What? I’ve seen science fiction movies.”

You’re too young to remember the Cola Wars. Folks were divided and pretty diehard in their choices. Being a root beer man, I wasn’t welcome in either camp. There were advertisement, taste tests, industrial sabotage, and a couple of deaths that were just a bit suspicious. Then Coke threw everyone for a loop by changing the formula. Coke fans who’d been soft in supporting their cola suddenly protested until the company changed the formula back. After that, Coke was back on top. Only a few of us knew that all they’d done was put Pepsi in Coke bottles.

NORVAL JOE

Dergle pulled up to his house.
Two mini-vans filled the driveway.
Walking to the front porch, he could see there were no dachshunds in the kennel, only poodles.
A family answered the door.
“No. We’ve always lived here,” a young man said with a smile.
As Dergle walked away, bewildered, a little girl said, “Remember. You can do anything, if you just believe.”
He turned to Long John Silver and asked, “If the formula for everything is just to believe, do you think the converse is true?”
Dergle realized, by not believing in himself he’d accidentally erased himself from existence.

PLANET Z

Sally’s having a baby.

Who’s the father?

She never knew his name. “But he was one handsome devil,” she said.

The doctor advised Sally to breastfeed her baby.

“It’s better for the baby than formula,” he said. And he handed her a pamphlet.

Sally suddenly felt severe pain a month before the due date. She called the paramedics, and then collapsed

The baby clawed its way out during the ambulance ride to the emergency room.

They couldn’t save her. But the baby’s doing great.

Sure, he’s got horns and a tail.

But he’s a healthy little devil, despite drinking formula.

Weekly Challenge #408 – Coward

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was COWARD.

We’ve got stories by:

The next 100 word stories weekly challenge is on the topic of FORMULA.

Use the Share buttons at the end of the post to spam your social networks. This obligatory cat photo should help make the Internet go faster:

Fence Tinny

Finally, if there are any errors or corrections, please let me know, and I’ll fix them as soon as possible.

JOHN

ÒA Friend in the DevilÓ, by John Musico

Life had become unbearable; I yearned for death but again thought; ÒSuicide is wrong.Ó
Once again I approached the low railing of the stairwell. Each time I returned, its presence became stronger and its hold on me to return more compelling.
It was fifteen flights down to the concrete slab which stared up at me from the bottom of the stairwell. I stared back down at the slab, the heart of the stairwell. I thought; ÒThat, that, thing, that monstrous thing had an awareness of me. It wanted me.Ó Then, it began to grow, closer and closer, faster and fasterÉ

RICHARD

#1 – George’s Story, Part 45: Coward?

Until this point, it had never really occurred to George that the world might be coming to an end. Certainly, it was in a bad state – something had definitely gone terribly wrong, but he’d always imagined something miraculous might occur to save the day.

Now, faced with the prospect of possibly immanent apocalypse, George lost it completely, and began to blubber helplessly in the pew.

The old woman hissed at him: “Less of that, boy! You must prepare yourself”

Rasputin leaned menacingly over him: “Or are you some sort of coward?”

George looked up at the big man, whimpering… “Yes!”

#2 – Mad dogs

Noel Coward famously sang that only mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun. Whilst I can’t speak for mad dogs, I think it’s pretty safe to say that the Englishmen in question weren’t quite so deluded as the song implies.

Coward, happily ensconced in the pleasantly tropical climate of Jamaica, might be forgiven for forgetting the weather back home endured by his fellow countrymen was rarely disposed towards sunshine. Indeed, midday sun, or any other variety for that matter, was a commodity rarely enjoyed in England.

Midday sun was a luxury that no real Englishman could resist!

#3 – Hero

I’m no coward, but I do hold to the principle that discretion is the greater part of valour… and let’s just say – in certain situations – I can be very discrete.

Running into burning buildings, getting into bar brawls, putting myself in the line of fire for the sake of others… all very noble and heroic deeds, but let’s face it, they’re all a bit brash and only so far removed from attention-seeking – and that’s not heroic at all.

So, I fully intend remaining the very soul of discretion: not cowardly, just shy and retiring, safe, and sound.

That’s heroism!

#4 – Yellow streak

I’ve often wondered why the colour yellow is associated with cowardice, and why not some other, perhaps more appropriate colour. Brown, perhaps – (for obvious reasons) – or maybe lavender, or teal.

Coming to think of it, there’s all sorts of colours we could employ to brand someone a coward – puce, for example – but yellow is our colour of choice.

And then I realised why only yellow will do – it’s about the only colour I can think of that suits a cowboy gunslinger drawl:

“Get off of yer horse, ya emerald-bellied son of a gun!” – it just doesn’t work, does it?

JEFFREY

Mad Dogs and Englishmen
by Jeffrey Fischer

Noel Coward wrote that only “Mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun.” Nationalities from Japanese to Bengali aren’t as foolish as the English, staying under shelter during the heat of the day.

Of course, that was years ago. Surely the English have learned better. I tested Coward’s lyrics by renting a room in Delhi, overlooking a busy plaza. From noon to two, from my air-conditioned room, I watched everyone who ventured into the plaza. I saw only pale-skinned people sweating profusely. Not a single native in the group.

I then realized that I didn’t see a single canine, either. Coward was too harsh on the species as, mad or not, dogs all stayed in the shade. Only Englishmen were foolhardy, though perhaps Coward knew this all along but the song wouldn’t have worked with the line three words short.

Heart of a Lion
by Jeffrey Fischer

After he left Dorothy, Sidney, the Cowardly Lion, tried to get on with life. Reputation is a hard thing to shake, however, and he found himself in a lot of bar fights. Drunks thought he was easy prey. They challenged him to prove his courage, and Sidney felt as though he had to respond.

What these drunks failed to realize was that Sidney, cowardly or not, was still a lion. He slashed and clawed at his attackers, leaving them bleeding on the bar floors.

Although Sidney’s self-esteem increased with each victory, tavern owners, wanting to spare themselves the damage – and the lawsuits – that accompanied him, barred Sidney throughout Emerald City.

TURA

Coward
——–
A soldier was brought before General Wei accused of desertion and cowardice. His commander related how he had left his unit during a battle to infiltrate a thicket, from where enemy archers were harassing them. He killed them all, but this feat, declared his commander, he did only out of fear of the enemy’s arrows.

General Wei elevated the soldier to his personal guard. Then he imprisoned the commander, saying, “O great philosopher, who can prove that initiative is desertion and bravery is cowardice! Set yourself now to proving that imprisonment is freedom and prison air is food and drink.”

VINYL

Diary of a Mad Man

By Christopher Munroe

I work hard, I play hard.

Except when I’m too tired to play hard.

Then, I head home and pour myself three fingers of scotch. Single-malt, twelve-year or older, this is the bare minimum.

Scotch acquired, the next step’s an album from the fifties. I’d love vinyl, but I don’t have that budget, so my ipod and dock has to do.

Sinatra, Holiday, Coward, Fitzgerald, there are a number I alternate between depending on my mood, but the point is setting atmosphere.

Because I am too tired to play.

And sometimes a man needs a more civilized way to relax…

JEFF

A Conceited Man

By Jeff Hema

“I’m CODY RHODES! Here to show you the greatness of my talent and beauty. And you people, you better go look at yourselves in a mirror, you’ve got a face only a mother could love. I brought these paper bags, put them on your head and hide your ugliness.”

“You suck! you suck!” The crowd screams!

“Look at that! Kane jumps out of the crowd and assaults Cody with a steel chair. Cody as a coward, runs like a bat out of hell; what a shame!”

“That’s it for tonight and we’ll see you next week for a new show of WWE RAW”

TOM

A Well Defined Relationship Part 36
The parishioners pored out of the pews at St Rita Morena at the ruckus on
the roof. Everyone gather outside to see what was happening. Father Tony
made his way to Rev. Morehouse. All seven member of the ill-fated Voyage
were dangling from both church steeples. The pastors both made a call for
volunteers, which was return will deafening silence. Under his breath
Father Tony signed “Cowards” and made his way back into the church. Not to
be left in the dust of moral ambiguity Rev Sockbe head up the steps to the
steeple. The wind started to whip.
Up The Rabbit Hole Part 5
He handed he a small card that read: Not brave, aisle 5. “What does that
mean?” asked He. Without looking up the Clerk said “Right side, halfway
down. The super will be with you presently.” He move down the room till
he came to a large sign: Coward “NOT FUNNY,” yell he back at the clerk.
He open one of the banker boxes. Inside was a draw string top. He
remembered the day he lost that top. It was to a kid twice his age and
twice his weight. This was long before he had learn to take a punch

LIZZIE

The town coward picked apples from a tree in the park when the town bully walked up to him and yelled “Coward!” This was a routine they had since the early days of high-school. As a matter of fact, the whole town knew it would happen each time the two now adults crossed paths. One day, the coward yelled back “Bully”. He didn’t know why he had done it. For a few seconds, he even regretted it. The town folk laughed hard and the bully, caught by surprise, walked away, feeling for the first time the bitter taste of humiliation.

SERENDIPITY

If I had to choose a word to describe myself, ‘coward’ would certainly not appear on the list.

I take fear in my stride; stand firm in the face of any challenge, and nothing ever phases me. Well, almost nothing – there’s always a fine line to be drawn between stalwart bravery and reckless stupidity, and I know when the odds are just too high, and when to beat a hasty retreat.

There will always be occasions when the flesh is weaker than the challenge faced – when even the strongest stand no chance of success.

Spiders in the bath, for example!

SINGH

26.1

Suddenly she was stranded on an island.

Rain-soaked kids and teachers were crammed in

a schoolhouse with no window glass, at war

with thunderbolt, bullroarer wind – monsoon.

She knew her kiddies wanted mud-pig time,

to be let off the teacher-leash to taste

first rain. It filled the schoolyard like a moat.

Gold veins of lightning cracked the firmament

to underline her firm “Not yet.”

“Oh Madam,

please, please!” But she sat them down in rows

as bold lightning lit up windows like an old

photographer might discharge his trays of flash

magnesium and magic puffs of light.

26.2

“Tell us a story, tell us a story, please,”

chorused the children, bent on having fun.

Perhaps a tale might settle restlessness.

But what to tell? It needed to be well-spun.

In her pig-Hindi? Kumara could translate.

The Poison Pond waited on her bookshelf.

Quite apt she thought while sitting in this moat.

“Give me a moment,” she excused herself

and came back with her quarto Mahabharat,

the illustrated version, brought from Delhi,

mostly for kids, no doggy tale, no cat,

the epic in brief, so better than on telly

at Barhai’s place, that day of mortal combat.

26.3

Thus she began: “The day was stinking hot.

Sahadeva, youngest Pandava

was sent to find cool water in the jungle.

He saw a crystal pool and bent to sip,

but a white crane croaked. Answer all my questions

before you drink. The pond is mine and it

will do my bidding.

Arrogantly, he drank.”

She flopped her head down dead. Kumara waited.

Then she blinked. “With Sahadeva gone

they sent off Nakula who found his twin

sprawled out dead beside the pond. The crane

spoke up. Nakula sneered Huh? Then drank.

Then Margot clutched her throat and died with style.

26.4

Soon Madam blinked awake from story sleep.

“Arjuna, then big Bhima drank and died.

Who really listens?” Yogi came to mind.

She fought back tears.

“At last, Yudhisthira

then saw his lifeless siblings by the pool.

Answer me before you drink. The pond

is mine and it will do my bidding,

spoke forth the crane. Yudhisthira paused.

What would you do?” She probed her audience.

They didn’t know.

“Okay, ask me then,”

Yudhisthira said. A hundred questions later

the crane was pleased. I’ll grant one life, just one.

Impossible choice? Such agony it was

forced to choose between his lovely brothers.

26.5

Brother Nakula.
The children gulped.

So why him? the white Crane asked.

At least one son

of Madhri’s lives today – one from another

mother. I was born of Kunti. In this way

both survive through us.”

Yes, family

is number one. They understood. Then Atul

broke the silence. “So what happened, Madam?”

She saw how well that she’d pulled them in.

Her puppet-headed acting had jollied up

the tale of dying siblings.

“Well, the crane

brought them all to life.”

They sighed, relieved.

Margot straightened shoulders, cleared her throat

and pretended to be the crane of the poison pond.

26.6

“Stepping from his chariot of thunder

a god appeared.” She boomed rhetorically.

I am Yama, God of Death, your real father.

This was a test, Yudhisthira. You’ve passed

with flying colours. You see all with detachment.

As you protect the way of righteous Dharma,

I will protect your lineage.

Then he vanished

leaving them to rub astounded eyes

and hug their elder brother with deep love.

She bowed before the kids who clapped and cheered.

Eyes that had changed from fierce anemones

to sad red poppies were back to normal brown

and the monsoon wind and lightning had died down.

26.7

It was time for them to run. They fled the school

sloshing about the moat of mud and dung

quickly letting go their highly-strung,

cooped-up energy and the poison pool.

It wasn’t time, but she said,”Go on. Go.”

Kumara first, then Rajinder and Prakriti

who ankle-waded through the monsoon sea,

spraying and splashing as lovers, quid pro quo.

She slumped down in her office. Some time out.

The loss of Yogi and the stormcloud shift

and telling the water tale had set her adrift

in depression beyond all reasonable doubt.

Atul waited outside – her eagle-scout.

26.9

The wet had come to stay. Now school was out

and Yogi was gone to the other side of mud.

A face of grief was upheld by two hands

and anger was her runaway desire.

Two cheating husbands had defected; two

slap-down lessons were enough per life.

No more dumbbell couch potato sport

with beery smoke-mouths, soggy TV brains

who knock girls up, then hit the pub. And curse

conquistadors of shoebox cash, replacing

her stashed savings with blank cut paper wads.

What lacuna of the eye had blinded her?

The Yogi Project had been her final hope.

26.8

now different kind of water

her inland sea of salt

dropped upon the table

the couldn’t-care-less of loss

her fortress of stress

an island of freak-out

still wanted him back

or Ophelia underwater

an absurd expectation

to drown in ankle sludge

stay in dungwater dungeon

playgrounds are boneyards

smell the buffalo effluent

bodies are shit factories

windows have no glass

you are as transparent

brave heart you’re a coward

hoping for a helpline

heaven or hell-water

pour equally from eyes

is this bucolic idyll

just paying off weird karmas?

take nothing for granted

husbands are compost

26.10

Better to be the one to do the kill

than be the Patsy deer-tail, culled.

Sending him off had stopped Ophelia’s

poor-me brain from drinking marshes.

Better to be the Draupadi who had

five husbands and her royal rights

to push blokes off like cuckoos from her thighs.

Only trouble makes you stronger

stripped of queendom and a jewelled throne,

the fashion-statement zari saris,

with gold and silver weft through peacock blue.

Stay strong as Draupadi’s tough love,

yet free to make a jungle bed and lie

in it alone, if one has to.

26.10

So she had waved him from her falcon wrist,

a calculated risk she had to take.

A raptor might otherwise fight for air,

and later blame would turn to beaks and claws.

Perhaps he would fly back. Yet the plan

was flawed, sill needing surety that

a trainable bird, peregrine-blue, her prince

with finer hopes might wear the falcon hood

to keep him blind. No. Intelligence must have

its wild wings she knew deep down. Release

had hurt. Her loud machine of feeble tears

began and the long monsoon broke down

howling with loss across the dusty desk.

ZACKMANN

“Well there’s worse things to spend your money on but I thought you were timid and never expected you to get one.” said Zack.

“Really, you’re no friend of pain and you’re pretty cautious yourself. Weren’t you afraid when you got yours? ” said Joe.

“I lost my wedding ring. Admittedly had less fear of the sting of a clean needle at a licenced parlor than telling my wife about the ring and I don’t have to take it off when working with electricity. Now tell me Joe, what will your tattoo be?”

“My Hero, Wade the Duck from US Acres”

SPATE

No Survivors

When challenged, and you believe beyond absolute certainty that you are in the right, you must hold steadfast. You cannot be a coward when faced with that moment or all your moral principles will crumble into a broken heap to be dragged behind you for the rest of your life.

Stand firm with clear eyes. No thoughts of retreat or compromise. Now that destiny has come, do not turn and run.

Be solid and true and just and do what you know you must. Protect your honor and pride.

Afterwards, they say he said: “Throw your popcorn in my face.”

JULIE

You Were Never a Coward

-for Maggie Estep

Dropout junkie stripper poet

Poledancing word mistress of the absurd

Skulking, snarling, slicing words in black–

Kicking Doc Maarten ass

Through puddles of East Village shit–

Sluts and eunuchs were your friends.

You did what none of us could.

Tell me—

When did you see a poet on MTV?

Onstage at Lallapalooza?

Did Sylvia plunge

Into the mosh pit with Henry Rollins?

Did Denise Levertov roll

In the mud at Woodstock?

Of course not.

Oh Maggie, you talked fast

You were nervous at first—

Took your rough frailties, babygirl

And did what we all tried.

You were never a coward.

CLIFF

The Oklahoma Kid and Black Scar Pedro faced off in the street. The good people of Pontiac City hid behind their doors and waited for the bullets to fly. And waited. And waited. Finally, Milton, the card sharp from back east, stormed out the saloon doors and demanded to know what was going on. When each of the gunfighters told him that they didn’t want to die, Milton proceeded to quite loudly call them cowards. The two men took offense at this and expressed their displeasure by filling the card player full of bullets. The townsfolk cheered. Nobody liked Milton.

NORVAL JOE

A man in a black cowboy hat stood in the middle of the dusty street, his hands hovering a half inch from his pistols. The towns people scattered to hide from the inevitable gun fight.
“I’m ready for you, Sheriff. I can wait all day if I have to,” he called toward the town jailhouse.
The wooden door creaked open and the sheriff walked out into the street.
“So, why do they call you, ‘Howard the Coward’?” The sheriff asked when he stopped in front of him.
The gunfighter spat and said, “My real name’s Hosmer and that doesn’t rhyme.”

DANNY

I was so busy falling in love and failing miserably at it that I forgot to live, so I dropped out of the whole dating scene entirely. Call me a coward for avoiding pain, but honestly, I’ve never felt more alive than I do now. Every morning is a new opportunity to create the meals I cook, the gardens I plant, the art I draw, or to experience the rivers I kayak, the paths I bicycle, and the courtrooms I practice in. I welcome everyone to join the journey of the life I love, but I’m done with chasing love.

PLANET Z

Despite being a veteran of every not-quite-a-war during his lengthy service, from headquarters to behind enemy lines, the only weapon Major Hiram Axelrod’s had ever used was a violin.

He regularly brought people to tears with his skill with it. “Better than Perlman,” said Stars and Stripes, and Perlman had been quoted as agreeing.

No, Axelrod wasn’t a medic. He was a chaplain. An unusual one, too: a confirmed atheist. A true non-combatant.

But his music… oh, his music… so heavenly.

He’d smile, put his violin away, and wait as the paratroopers quietly took advantage of the distraction.

Well-armed paratroopers.