Category: Weekly Challenge

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Fifty-Two, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was “Paris” and “Quality Control”

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.

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Evan

The studio buzzed and the old man tasted electricity in the air. He turned from his canvas to watch a tiny, hovering figure grow rapidly into a full-sized woman in a suit.
“How—?” He began.
“Do as I ask and I’ll tell you,” she smiled. ”You’d undoubtedly appreciate it. Now, I lead Quality Control for the Louvre Museum in Paris where, in 400 years, your painting will draw millions of visitors annually. After studying 250 alternate realities I’ve determined we’ll enjoy maximum traffic if you repaint your subject with a delicate smile—just enough to peak the curiosity of the viewer.”

Tom

Parisians scuff when tourist says “I love Paris” It’s not how Paris works. Paris chooses to love you. She doesn’t do it often and she surely doesn’t do it in public. It happens when it’s just you and her late late in the night or early early in the morning. You have walked for hours and stopped to rest by the Seine. As you watch the river a boy and girl totally entwined pause to kiss. You smile and realize all kisses somehow flow to Paris. At that moment your heart is hers and she will forever draw you back.

2547 Greater New York Dome District. The air here tasted flat. No life. Plenty of oxygen just no life. Quality Control has stated time and time again it’s the same old air as 2210. But I don’t believe them. That’s why I have this can of Paris. Got it from a merchant marine from Vietnam traded him four Ernie Banks rookie cards for a 20oz can. I figure if I do a puff a month it should last until they punch out my ident card. Id let you have a sniff but you’d have to hang around for three weeks.

Zackmann

Once upon a time there was a hotel Mogul who had a daughter he wanted to keep chaste.
He had a friend who owned a robotics company who had a plan to build a Gynoid that would
act very promiscuously so that men would be afraid to date the daughter. The friend had a
replicant constructed. Soon the replicant was in all the tabloids as the daughter quietly attended
a private all girls college. The Gynoind even had a television show and did a movie posing as
the daughter and she gets a systems check when she says something intelligent.

Will I ever get through this long dark night. What was my boss thinking sending me here were
I barely speck the language . It makes it harder to not shoot the live ones, if you know what I
mean. It had to be tonight of all nights that I get a box of 12 gauge shells made the one time
Quality Control was asleep at Remington with one out of four a dud. Just like our beloved
military to send me to DLI to learn French and the send me to Paris, that is Paris Texas during a
zombie out-brake.

Steven

Rupert stood in disbelief.

“The bar’s really called the Blue Oyster? Like in Police Academy? In
the middle of nowhere, Ohio?”

Clarissa smiled. “All YMCA, all the time. Right here in gay Paree, Ohio.”

“That is so offensive.”

She smacked his arm. “They’re mocking the stereotype, silly.”

“But someone might hit on me.”

“Just tell them you’re married, you homophobe. Come on, you’re going
to have fun.”

As they descended the stairs, Rupert knew next time he’d check the
travel agent’s itinerary more closely.

But he found out that after all, there are many ways to have a good time.

Chris

I’ve been working in quality control for three months. It’s been okay except for the rumors of people going missing. Some say this town is haunted. I didn’t believe in superstition. Anyway, I am doing night shift, in a store but an over sized man in a trench coat came in. “Ah you must be my new trainee.” I said. He walked over.

“I am no trainee.”His voice was a deep, growl. “But, I am the Duskwolf.” With that, he pounced, striking me in the head.

My last thought was: the next quality controller better be good.

Terazzabyte

On the eve of the big day, I was going over last minute checks with the wedding planner and noticed a slight Quality Control problem.

Marco, did you get the caterers all lined up for the reception?

Check Boss!

Marco, did you pick up the Wedding Dress form the seamstress?

Yes Boss

Hey Marco! Did you book the Paris Honeymoon package?

Yep!

Marco, did you make sure they will be staying at the private villa with the view of the Eiffel Tower?

I didn’t find any Eiffel Tower in Paris, Texas … but they can see the City Water Tower.

Danny

Paris Hilton woke up one morning in her exclusive California mansion, sat up abruptly, and promptly stated to herself, “You know what is missing in my life? Quality control.” Perplexed, as always, Paris uncrossed her eyes, quickly got dressed, grabbed her purse and the keys to her pink Bentley, and set off to do something about this lack of quality control in her life. After an 8 hour shopping spree on Rodeo Drive, Paris, pleasantly pleased with her clothing and other purchases, finally stated, “there, I purchased a ton of quality, and now I’m in control of it. Problem solved!”

Justin

Janet and I are quality control inspectors for Colony Dome Extranational. We were also husband and wife. We traveled to planets with Colony Dome merchandise, chiefly the domes themselves and the upkeep machines. Generally we stick together because the domes are small. We’ve had some great memories made during those times. New Paris on the other hand is a very large dome so it makes more sense to split up to get the inspection done faster. It’s tough to work apart for such a long time, especially since we’re almost always together. Despite the hardships, we’ll always halve New Paris.

TJ

I record my podcast to a digital voice recorder quietly in my bedroom
and cobble it together on Windows Movie Maker, so it probably seems like
I don’t care about quality. Au contraire. I’ve updated my theme
music three times – one comment on my iTunes page said it was
“weird” two theme musics ago, but no one has said anything since.
Then I load it to libsyn, and for quality control, download it again
through iTunes. I figure if other people are suffering through my
podcast, the least I can do is listen to what I’m putting them through
myself.

The afternoon sun glinted along glass and chrome furnishings in the
elegant office suite. Seated behind her obsidian desk, Paris Ashworth
Greystone took up her iPad. She ran a manicured fingernail along the
menu settings and selected an item at random. Something about snowglobes
being filled from the Fountain of Youth. “Just don’t choke on the
snowman.” She considered it for a moment. Indeed, that would be a
better ending. She tapped a few keys and sent a memo upstairs.
Exhausting, but her service as muse and quality control specialist for
100 Word Stories was, in its own way, rewarding.

Norval Joe

“What do you mean, ‘Quality Control’, Gunter?” Franz asked his partner. “This is the Lexus LFA sports car. There will only be 500 of them and each one will be hand built.”
“Humor me, Franz,” Gunter replied, “the guy paid $375,000 for this thing for his girl friend’s thirtieth birthday. We need to make sure all the special accessories will work.”
“It’s got everything,” Franz said, “GPS, DVD, iPhone dock, microwave and plasma TV. What else is there?”
“Make sure the drunk driver override and the anti-idiot switch are set to on,” Gunter said. “We are talking about Paris Hilton.”

Planet Z

Allo, I am Remy, I am from France.

Zis wine that you give to me, I dink, and is bad. Is no good.

How you say? Disgusting?

Yes. Disgusting.

Is not fit for drink. Is not fit for cooking.

I know this, for I am, how you say, quality control for wine.

I am expert in wine. I drink much, I know wine like I know air I breathe.

I spend all day drinking wine home in Paris.

What you ask? Where do I work?

I work nowhere. I drink wine. So much, nobody hire me.

Besides you, mon frere.

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Fifty-One, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was “Marbles”

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.

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Dave

“Marbles,” I shook his shoulder.

Marbles took a lot of roids when he played ball. So much that the bigger he got the smaller his junk became. Marbles eventually lost his contract, lost his girlfriend and wife and spent a year in Corcoran Prison for attempted murder. – Not only will roids take your manhood but your common sense.

“Marbles, wake up!”

My employer invested a lot of money in this behemoth. It’s time to settle the books.

“I’m up, I’m up,” he groaned and mumbled.

I just hate to kill a man while he is sleeping.

Xerxes

“It looks like his mouth is full of bubbles, Sarge.”

Sure enough, in amongst the foam and froth were a number of perfectly round spheres which threw points of light around the room if you hit them just right with the beam from the flashlight.

Of course they couldn’t be bubbles, bubbles wouldn’t last long and these were like fixtures, a kind of disco ball of disease coming out of the man’s mouth.

The tiny glass orbs reflected the light amazingly well from the alcoholic bath that had been his stomach contents.

I guess you shouldn’t mix marbles and tequila.

What is this crap?

I don’t know but it certainly is full.

Have you been to the island?

Yes, and I’ve sat in the tree, where there are chairs made of bone.

I’ve stood, behind a chair, nearly naked, while his words rang out from everywhere and nowhere at once.

One time there was no voice, so he magically created a river of bytes on which to listen. He called it a stream, but I’m sure it flowed like a mighty torrent through the ether from point to point.

Is that a story?

No, but it is 100 words, tom.

Tom

Thomas Bruce was truly one of the most unprofitable thieves in history. As ambassador to the Ottoman Empire he managed to get permission to remove 17 sections from the temple of Athena over an 11 year period. He paid £74,240 to ship them to England and only got £35,000 from the British Government. He lost 2 million dollar in the deal. Parties in Britain have pledge over the decades to return the Elgin Marbles to Greece but last time I checked they were still in the British Museum. Whatever party that does send them back will be losing their marbles.

Boomer Bob

I bent forward and his eyes met mine.

He was trying everything to psyche me out; but I was going to take aim and put him out of my misery.

There was nothing he could do and I knew I couldn’t miss.

I could feel it. I had him busted to right and he knew it.

In the slightest of movements it was over.

I had taken my shot and won the game of taws.

He had lost!

Then he went berserk screaming he had lost all his marbles.

Look what I won!

Zackman

As a boy I wondered about the marvels of the modern world? I remember being very impressed
with the State Capital Building in Saint Paul and would wander around it and take tours often. I
bet tax payers were really mad about paying for several different types of marble but since it has
lasted about a 100 years maybe it was a good investment. My father worked at the Highway
Building which was at the other end of a pedestrian tunnel to the Capital Building. Boy me was
more fascinated with the tunnel than the marble dome or the monuments.

Congress had decided on a trial program in which all the political squabbling is settled by
playing marbles because of heavy contributions form the marble industry. Halliburton even
tried to get in on the action and started producing marbles but congress decided to only buy
from American companies but told Halliburton it could ask the government of Dubai because
congress’ decisions are far too important to be influenced by foreign companies. This signaled
to the American public that just the thought of marbles was already influencing better decision
making providing we stop re-electing candidates who have lost all their marbles

Michael S.

Noon news story:

Marble control groups are up in arms today following the continued violence associated with the use of these deadly projectiles.

Witnesses at the scene saw a man reach inside his pouch of marbles, load his sling and repeatedly hurl them at his victims.

Later, groups from both sides of the argument clashed in bloody protests.

Those against the right to own marbles were looking for a politician to blame and a company to sue for the behavior today.

Those for, calling for personal responsibility, felt the person to blame was in custody.

More news at 10.

Chris

My name’s Tom. I don’t have many friends, because I said that I know
an ogre. I don’t know the ogre that well because I can’t speak his
language. But I know one thing about him – he really likes marbles. He
even helped me get better at it so that I could win against a bully
named Tray!

Anyway, I went to school, as usual, and decided to bring the ogre with
me so that hopefully, people would stop calling me a liar. I waited
until recess and played marbles against Tray as usual…

…but, this time I finally won.

Steven

The astronomer’s voice rolled out. “The Earth is a small blue marble
hanging in space, surrounded by billions and billions of stars.”

My arm was around my son’s shoulders; this series had inspired me at
his age. But he’d started fidgeting – the first time he had during
the entire series.

“What is it, kiddo?”

His deep brown eyes looked up. “Daddy, are we the shooter? Earth.
Our marble.”

“Of course not,” I said, and guided him to bed.

That night, I lay on the grass looking up and waiting for a giant
green finger to flick us across the universe.

Terazzabyte

Darrel and his brother Darrell were the best Marble playing duo this side of the Missouri.

They couldn’t be beat in this game of skill, accuracy and strength of thumb.

This all came to an end one day when they were abducted by aliens.

Rumor has it that they were experimented on with probes and devices that scrambled their brains.

They were returned to earth but the Aliens kept their bag of marbles.

To this day you can see the boys walking around town with their eyes towards the sky saying.

“We’ve lost our marbles.”

Yes boys, you have.

Justin

Everyone said Grandpa Marsh lost his marbles. He read old tomes and learned the secret knowledge of the eyes of the Old Ones. He used arcane lore to create special eye drops. Then he sailed into the sea, saying he needed to place one drop in each of Cthulhu’s six, dry, sleeping eyes. He chanted polyglot incantations of protection and leaped into the sea and sunk to R’lyeh. I never saw him in the flesh again, but I dreamed of him last March. He gazed at me with dark, empty eye sockets and said “I guess Cthulhu prefers Clear Eyes.”

AM Earley

My dad worked his butt off so my sister and I could go to private school. My classmates were the rich type. Most of the marble in their kitchens were installed by my father. They made fun of me a lot.

Then in second grade dad made me a set of playing marbles from the scraps of marble left over from his job. The kids became jealous, especially when I started making toys out of marble. Then they started buying my toys and jewelry from me.

By our ten year high school reunion, I was the only billionaire in the group.

Danny

The call from his wife was frantic. Their son Johnny had lost his marbles, acting completely crazy. Marco sped home, tires squealing the entire way until jamming the car into park in his driveway. Marco flies through the open front door, scrambles up the staircase to the second floor, running down the hallway towards his son’s room. Before he could get there, Marco’s feet slips out from under him, and he hits the floor so hard he could hear the snap of his collarbone on impact. Moments later, Johnny comes running out of his room, “Daddy! Daddy! You found my marbles!”

Guy David

The man with the marble eyes stared at the little guy and squinted. There was no other way to end it. One of them had to die. The referee started counting slowly. Their hand shot off for their well groomed weapons. The woman in question stared at the spectacle in satisfaction, happy with her mischief, but the two combatants paid no attention, both too wrapped up in her spell. As the referee reached the number 10, both of them drew at the speed of lightning. Only one of them fell to his death. So came the end of the midget.

Norval Joe

“Admiral,” the astrogator said from her seat in front of a spherical holographic console. “The invasionary force is in place.” “Good,” the admiral said and gazed at the brilliant wash of stars visible through the transparent dome of the space ship. “We will begin the assault on these pitiful creatures on my mark.” At his command thousands of ships blasted from their hiding place behind the moon, flashed through the earth’s atmosphere and pounded into the surface. Jimmy rushed out of his house at the strange sound and exclaimed to his brother, “Hey, Mikey. You left your marbles out here.”

TJ

Marbles are a little like poker. You bring your marbles and other kids
bring theirs and then as the game continues, if the other kids are
better players, they win your marbles, and get to keep them. This
wasn’t explained to me very well, I’m afraid. Tyler won most of the
time. We played until the only marble I had left was my shooter. If
that’s what’s meant by losing one’s marbles, then that’s what I
did. But since he wanted it so bad, I gave it to him — at pretty high
speed at the back of his head. THWACK!

Planet Z

When I was ten, I was banned from the Galleria.

They had an ice rink there and it was open to the two floors above.

Curling teams practiced there. For Christmas, they’d put a tree in the middle.

I’d buy a Coke, go to the top balcony, and use the ice chips with my slingshot to peg the skaters.

Unlike marbles, the ice would shatter into nothing. No evidence.

Well, there was the slingshot in my back pocket. And me shouting GOTCHA! and BINGO! when I hit somebody.

Now I’m older. I know better.

And I’ve got a sniper rifle.

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Fifty, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was “Eye Drops” and “It’s Just Magic”

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.

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Xerxes

Heart pounding. Makes my arms and legs jump with every pump. Can she feel it? The sound in my ears is maddening. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. It feels like a runaway train. My god, can she feel it too? Is it shaking the bed, or is it just me? How long can this continue? Can’t sleep. Open an eye. She’s still there. Asleep. Good. The feeling, like I want to jump out of my skin. The terror. But it’s only my heart, throbbing, beating, carreening like a speeding car out of control. Two words flash in my mind, slowly. Don’t Panic!

I once knew this fellow, a genius on many levels, who held advanced degrees in biology, chemistry, and physics. He could explain, in minute detail, the myriad ways that elements could form molecules and molecules could form proteins, and these could create self replicating chains that carried information from one generation to the next. His name isn’t important; he collaborated with giants in the field, but never got the credit he deserved. Perhaps it was because of one firmly held belief. His faith would not relent. On his deathbed, when asked what made life possible, he said, “Its just magic.”

Tom

Blind Melon Chitlin was sightless since birth. The doctors at the Mayo considered him an excellent candidate for an experimental retinal treatment. The nurse applied the eye drops and wrapped his face in a micro-polymer to prevent any oxidation. He quietly played some Robert Johnson. The chief resident watched him play for bit then asked “How do you do that?” Chitlin replied “It’s Magic.” As the surgeon cut the wrappings he said, “So is this.” The first moment of sight for James Lewis Brown was filled will a ubiquitous hospital green, but for him it was the color of heaven.

Zackmann

I have a riddle. What do you call an MP3 player that fell in warm chocolate bark? On second
thought never mind, I just hope you have good taste in music. Anyways, I remember how much
you liked candied bacon where chocolate mixes with bacon and uff-ta tacos where lefsa is used
as a taco shell so I wanted to mix mom’s favorite food, fish eyes, with lemon drops. I take some
sugar, corn Syrup, fish eyes, and stir them together say “Double double toil and trouble” then
pour into candy molds. Soon, just like magic, a new treat.

Danny

I woke up one morning, my eyes were clouded, I could no longer see. I put some “eye drops” in my eyes, and “just like magic,” once again I could see, only to be horrified at the state of the world laid before me. I saw death and carnage in the name of religion, I saw the politicians speaking for the people, while shooting them in the back for standing up to their naked power. Thanks to my magic eye drops, I saw the world for what it is, and promptly gouged out my eyes. Wow, now that’s just Magic.

Chris

“First, I wanted to make something to help the blind.”
The reporter smiled. “Your famous invention.”
“Just magic eye drops. They let blind people see for a day, but I still wasn’t satisfied.”
“Just magic eye drops? How isn’t that enough?”
“It was quite an accomplishment.” I said. “However, I wanted to achieve something greater. I wanted to find a way to make a better world.”
“Have you had any luck?” the reporter asked.
“Some, but I’ve had problems getting enough Play-doh in orbit,” I said as a rocket lifted off outside.

Steven

The general nodded at the top science advisor. “So. Zombies.”

Sweat began to soak the curls of her hair. “Yessir. Zombies.” She held her breath. The country’s defense lay in the hands of this pompous man. “Sir, it’s a virulent, rapid mutating cancer causing extreme hunger. There are high concentrations in the eyes and-”

“No eyedrops to stop zombiefication, is there? That’s because they’re magic.”

“No, sir. But I’m sure that we can find a scientific solution-”

The general slammed his hand down. “Enough science. It’s magic.” He sat back. “It’s just magic.”

Michael

I’ve grown tired of the game we singles play trying to corral a mate at the singles bars.

So I took it upon myself, as a chemical engineer, to develop a self administered solution to assist singles in selecting the applicable mate after a hard night of positioning, conjecturing and manipulating.

You simply squeeze three eye drops in each socket and every member of the opposite sex appears to be completely irresistible.

Beer goggles are no longer needed.

One caveat, when first light falls upon the trophy at arm’s length extreme disbelief may result.

Good hunting.

Terrazabyte

Remember those X-Ray glasses you could order from the back of a comic book?
You know the ones that would allow you to see through walls or even through clothing (for experimental purposes only).

Today, scientists have come up with an eye drop that will finally do just that… allow true x-ray vision!
They work like magic, just put one drop in each eye and behold.

I looked at the first person I saw and she wondered what I was doing, so I told her.

WHAM! 30 min’s later I woke up in x-ray with a broken nose. It worked!

TJ

How do I write 100 word stories? Well, I look at the topic and let it
bounce around in my brain for a week alongside working at a newspaper
and rehearsals for this production of “Who’s Afraid of Virginia
Woolf?” I’m in – I’m playing George, we go up in April – then
Saturday rolls around and I haven’t come up with anything, so I curse
my own inadequacy as a human being and knock myself out with a crowbar.
I come to at about 11:15 p.m, I punch in any damn’ thing and that’s
pretty much what you’re stuck with. Enjoy!

“You’re going to love this,” he said, opening the garage door. He
had a giant… well, the only thing I can call it would be a cauldron. A
cauldron, in the middle of middlewest suburbia! He was making Super Bowl
chili, cooking down sides of pork, shanks of beef, bags of beans and
rich, ripe tomaotes and a complex blend of spices. The smells filling
the room were delicious, savory, amazing. He dropped some ice into my
drink as we took in the glorious sight. “It’s like magic,” he
said, “except nothing happens.” Not true! We all helped it
disappear. :D

Norval Joe

“Help me, Murgot” Guenert called outside the kitchen door. “Cursed I been. Out here by the woodpile.” “Not to worry, Guenert,” Murgot said and slammed through the door. “Probably, it’s just magic. Wear off soon, it will.” “Nope,” Guenert sighed. “Fixed it is on me. Everytimes I picks up this firewood, I drops me drawers.” “Yup, cursed stupid you be and only magic you needs is a belt,” Murgot laughed, and listened to the wind. “I hears little people in the frozen banana forest.” “I like to eat them bananas,” Guenert said. “”I like to eat them people,” Murgot said.

Planet Z

Yes, I am blind, but I can see you just fine.

You look confused. Let me explain.

In my youth, I was the victim of a malicious prank.

My eyedrops were replaced with acid, and my eyes were burned out.

The elves gave me this silk blindfold which allows me to see.

I don’t know how it works. It just works by magic.

And it allows me to see better than I had seen before, when I still had eyes.

However, with this blindfold, I cannot blink. Or cry.

I see everything, and what I see, cannot make me weep.

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Forty-Nine, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was Frozen Bananas

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.

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Tom

I run a cryro firm called Fruits on Ice. We freeze all kinds. Lots of apples a bunch of pears, strawberries, and tomatoes. In 2020 the University of Hawaii discovered a sentient Pineapple well the rest of the vegetative kingdom followed suit. They organized, elected congressmen. In 2035 they made history with the first Banana president. After eight years He was looking pretty bad, but surprisingly still conscience. A grateful nation decided it was best to freeze their beloved fruit. That’s him over there in the Presidential cryro suite. I tear up whenever I walk past Ol Frozen Banana Barack

Zackmann

That was a strange murder weapon Detective. Just how did you figure it out? Actually, I have a
Paul and Storm tribute band called Frozen Bananas and I was looking to see if our new video
had any hits on youtube. Then I saw these videos about how cold winter gets in Minnesota
and that the victim had been hit repeatedly with a blunt object. We searched the mulch pile. It
was hard to get the prints off a banana peal also to come to the conclusion that the wife of the
suspect committed no crime making a fruit smoothie.

Dave

I’ve had my store for years. I’ve seen it all since I opened my doors in 1974. Right across from me was one of those As Seen on TV stores. If you saw it on TV, you could find it there. They had the Super Funky Ball, Easy Feet, Nappy Nappers and Camel Toe B Gone. Some of it good stuff to make your life easier. Most of it was just crap. So that store went under. Then a combo store opened up. It was half smoothie store and half adult novelty store. Their biggest seller was the Frozen Bananas.

Michael S.

I read the death certificate aloud to my brother and sister.

Hey, it was their father too.

Above the coroner’s signature I read the abbreviation, “DBFB”.

I turned away from my reading and looked across to our lawyer with a questioning look upon my face.

“Apparently,” he explained”, your father was stabbed to death by blunt objects while working in the Arctic in search of oil.”

“He put up one helluva fight but was overcome by the force of so many frozen bananas. Thus, DBFB, death by frozen bananas.”

Undeserving of any intelligent response, I simply returned to my reading.

Chris the Nuclear Kid

Icestorm and The Frozen Bananas

Icestorm the dragon ate warriors for breakfast. Every year, Icestorm
roamed the lands, turning people and crops to ice.

A boy ran through the forests and up the mountain to Icestorm’s cave.

“Who goes there?” roared the dragon. “Another warrior trying to kill me?”

“No, I want you to stop eating people!”

Icestorm laughed. “What should I eat, boy?”

The boy held out bananas from the forest. “Try these!”

The dragon’s breath froze the fruit as he ate them. “Yummy!”

That’s how Icestorm stopped eating people. But the monkeys were in
for a surprise!

Stephen the Nuclear Man

The banana monk knelt before the saffron-robed master.

“What must I do to achieve enlightenment?” the banana supplicant asked
the plantain master – though they both only spoke Mandarin.

The plantain smiled and stepped past the puzzled supplicant. He
returned with cherries, whipped topping, and ice cream. He sprayed
the whipped topping on the supplicant.

The banana got very angry. “Make me one with everything?” the
supplicant shrieked. “That stupid joke doesn’t even make sense in
Mandarin!”

The plantain sat down, smiled, and applauded, even though plantains
have no hands.

And thus did they both achieve Zen.

AM Earley

I came to Vegas to gamble my career as an illusionist. Two years on and I’m little more than an usher in a casino stage show. Before work I stopped at a bench to think of a way to get enough money for my own show, or to go back to Nebraska.

Then I saw the light, or eclipse actually. A gangly frat-boy tourist stood over me. He apparently thought the way I was eating my frozen banana was an advertisement for prostitution. Well it is legal here. However I can think of another way to get his money. Although theft and assault are not legal here.

TerrazaByte

My refrigerator broke down last week with some sort of thermostat issue.
I called the repair man and gave him the details about what the problem was.
I told him that the freezer warms up and thaws everything inside…
and that the fridge part gets so cold, that it freezes everything on that side!

After waiting at the house from SOMETIME BETWEEN 8 and 5,
he finally showed up and had the strangest look on his face after I greeted him at the door.

Am I ever so glad to see you! I have a frozen banana in my pocket!

TJ

The kid across the way had a lemonade stand. It was 90 degrees and
people were drawn to his ice cold refreshment, and I thought, what beats
ice cold? Frozen. I’d dip a frozen banana in chocolate and indeed,
people would plunk $1 down for the tasty treat. I doubled my profits
when I determined they’d pay the same amount for half a banana.
Between us, we locked up the neighborhood. Then Sally opened her
snowcone stand, which did brisk business – until it mysteriously
burned down. It’s their own fault for turning “The Art of War”
into a children’s book.

Norval Joe

“What the heck are those things?” Gefilta said as she fluttered her fairy wings to hold her diminutive body at shoulder level to the rest of the fellowship. Tall, black, cylinders towered obliquely above the heads of the party and exuded a sweet scent. Sartorius stretched his long elfin muscles and kicked forward through large, twisted husks. “They’re bananas. This is the frozen banana forest.” Gluteus the gnome snickered. “”These are the ice giants’ favorite food. Hopefully we’ll get through the worst of it before the giants show up.” Distant booms warned they might just have run out of time.

Justin

Yes, we have frozen bananas
We have frozen bananas today

We’re in the tropics
In our parkas
Because the worst did happen here

It wasn’t
global warming
It wasn’t
an oncoming ice age

But Yes we have frozen bananas
We have frozen bananas today

Here’s really what happened
Please don’t start your laughin’.
I could decide what I wanted to munch
on last Thursday’s lunch.

I held the fridge door open
Trying to find good food I was hopin’
But then substance on which I was dopin’
knocked me right onto me rump!
The door stayed open all night!
(chorus)

Planet Z

The world is running out of monkeys.

Worried scientists came up with a plan to capture and store monkeys cryogenically.

Despite billions of dollars in research and hundreds of frozen monkeys, they never managed to revive the beasts.

Then, they came up with a plan to keep just frozen monkey embryos in storage.

Those, they knew how to revive, but if the world ran out of monkeys, where would they be implanted?

It took a few more billion dollars worth of research to figure out how to implant them into humans.

And that’s how my dad explained my little sister.

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Forty-Eight, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was I saw the light!

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.

---

Tom

Jack kept the rhyme of the compressions as constant as possible. Danny didn’t look good. Lake Michigan is not a body to take lightly in November. “1000 one 1000 two 1000 three.” Press Press Press. Jack saw Danny pitch off the peer in an endless series of slow motion frames. It felt like forever till he hit the water, but in fact it was no more than five seconds. One final hit sent water gushing from Danny’s mouth, he coughed, retched coughed and eyes slowly rolled open. “I saw the light” he rasped. “So have I kid so have I.”

Dave

They say happy cows live in California. We ain’t just happy. We are as high as the giant sequoia tree tops. We ain’t chewing grass and weed for nothing.
My cousin, Brad, got so high once he accidentally ate a burrito. How do you accidentally eat a burrito? I don’t know. The whole incident is clouded in mystery and drama. But he swears it happened. Since that day, Brad was different. You could say he saw the light. Now he strictly eats mushrooms. Brad then tried to milk a bull. I hear they have an apartment over on polk street.

TJ

The air in the revival tent was dusty and hot. They’d set it up in the
afternoon, in the heat of the day, and the thick canvas held the heat
like an oven as parishioners crowded in. Sweat rolled off Brother
Michael’s face as his vociferous invective wrestled souls for God.
Three choruses of “I Saw the Light” and Jenny Reynolds, her feet
moving independent of fear or will, stepped forward to be healed. Unsure
of her ailment, Michael, moved by the spirit, dutifully laid his hands
on her. She shrieked, spasmed, and fell. No longer carrying her
brother’s child.

Steven

“I was still twelve and just a kid,” I told my class, “when I went
fishing with my friend Beth. She caught five, and I caught four.
That’s because she had all the good bait, and I just had leftover
hotdogs. We walked home, and then there was a bright light, and the
UFO landed. The aliens said -”

“Jasper,” said Mr. Hamlin, “a biography is a true story about our
lives, not science fiction.”

“Yessir,” I said, as the class laughed at me.

They sure were surprised when my real parents came to pick me up in
our flying saucer.

Zackmann

I think I see light again. I will be free at least for a while. I am a man of paper, thin and
laminated. I was created to educate. I travel across the country. If I am lucky in a family car over
vacation or on an airplane to visit relatives of the families I stay with but most of my traveling
is first class. Unfortunately that is first class US mail. Sometimes I want to open the envelop
myself but I need some to open it.
You may have heard of my legendary travels because I am Flat Johnny.

No one could have predicted the changes when we discovered how to make structures out
of light. Since it did not keep the rain out we decided against making homes but the people in
North Dakota who bought the military surplus missile silos found them great for decorating their
indoor gardens. The people in California were happy because we made lamps out of light and
it was much cheaper than PG&E. The good thing our products made of light would dim and
vanish in a year, job security. Sometimes the pieces are too big and I saw the light

Danny

I woke up one morning realizing what a wretched man I had become. Images of those who had been in my life before, they had clearly moved on. Why could I not move forward? Must I always be stuck in the past? Then, I literally died. Standing on the precipice of the great void, I heard the collective consciousness of the universe, and realized that I existed long before I was born. I could feel the energy from the well where we all come from, one day I will go home. From the depths of this darkness, I saw the light.

TerazzaByte

I always wanted to be a movie star and last week I had my big break.
I was walking down Sunset Boulevard and came across a film crew setting up for a shoot.
They were looking for extras and I jumped up and down to get their attention.
I jumped so high that I hit my head on the microphone boom and knocked myself out.
When I came to, I saw the light of cameras shining directly at me.
Not the film crews’ cameras, but some dude with a cell phone uploading my little incident to YouTube.
I am a STAR!

Norval Joe

Curt and Bob walked along the rural highway. The narrow two lane road stretched across the featureless terrain toward the horizon.
Curt asked for the hundredth time, “So, Bob. You didn’t notice the flashing red light?”
“I told you already,” Bob snapped, “I saw the light. But there are always lots of lights.”
Curt muttered, “I would take a flashing red light on a nuclear control panel pretty seriously.”
“Water under the bridge, Curt. I’m getting hungry. Do you think the meltdown destroyed the town?”
“I’d think so, Bob. It’s gonna be a while before we find some fresh brains.”

Justin

The luchador walked into the convenience store and took of his hat. He went to the back of the store, being ignored by the big city shoppers, despite being in full, masked, luchador wardrobe. He picked up the gallon of milk he came for, then got in line.

He was peering at the DVD rack and considering ‘Are We There Yet’ when three men walked in quickly with their faces covered by grinning plastic politicians. The luchador beat them up. One rolled on the floor moaning “Look at the pretty lights …” Then the luchador paid for his milk and left.

Planet Z

We were doing seventy on Cleveland Road heading North towards 161.

That’s when I saw the light.

It was red.

It was raining, and there was no way we were going to slow down.

So, I closed my eyes, made a wish, and somehow we made it through that intersection alive.

Yes. We.

I had someone with me.

And he was scared out of his fucking mind.

As we turned into Knight’s Ice Cream, I think I said something like “That was really cool.”

But I don’t remember what I said, or what flavor ice cream I got.

Probably chocolate.

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Forty-Seven, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was Are we there yet?

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.

---

Steven

Fifty years since we left Earth in our hollowed-out asteroids, so I’m
sixty-seven. Thanks to hibernation, I only feel fifteen. They let me
man the controls – I’m mature for my age. It makes the month rotation
with my sister go by faster. I could do this for years and years and
not feel anxious about getting to another star.

Amy calls over the comm, quick and panicky. She doesn’t answer when I
call back.

I hear a noise – one I’ve not heard since we left Earth.

A zombie moan.

Now I can’t get off this ship fast enough.

Tom

Burroughs’ bark banged against the waters of hell. “Actually it is the waters between hell and the other side,” interjected the Podcaster. “Are we there yet,” inquired St Peter rubbing his hand over a small pile of burning copies of the Naked Lunch. “I think we’re close I see a less darker dark over there.” Said the Podcaster pointing to a thin line on the horizon. Suddenly wave upon wave of hands rose around the bark tossing rainbows into the boat. “What hell are those,” yelled Burroughs. “AOL CDs,” replied the Podcaster. Make for the shore before the subscriptions activate.

Michael

“Oasis Pub, how can I help you?”, Joe said.

“Hi, I’m Ilene Dover. Harvey there yet? My husband Harvey said he’d be there tonight.”

Ilene Dover, Joe thought. That’s one helluva handle.

“I’ll tell him you called Ilene,” Joe said, hanging up the phone.

He turned to Harvey at the far end of the bar.

“Call home Harvey, Ilene Dover is looking for you,” Joe said, unable to suppress his laughter.

“It could have been worse,” Harvey replied, “ I could have married her brother Ben.”

These people are sick, Joe thought, wiping away the spilled beer from the bar.

Zackmann

TJ was happy with his life’s work as spaceship navigator because space is even emptier than
North Dakota. TJ could tell it would be a long trip when he scolded his future replacement and
very young son, saying “Our new home, The Primogeniture, is a multi-generational spaceship.
We will travel for almost half a Millennium to our new planet. You, your children, your grand
children, and your great grand children are likely to have died of old age before even getting
close to our destination.
So for God’s sake, please stop asking me if we are there yet.”

TerrazaByte

The year was 1903 and time for the annual Father/Daughter hiking trip through the Rein Mountains.

Lieserl and her Father were preparing the backpacks while her mother, Mileva, packed a special lunch for them to enjoy.

“Thank you Mama” she said, as she hugged her good bye.

She then took the hand of her father and they began to walk side by side down the trail.

After what seemed to be hours that passed by, Lieserl asked her Father, “Are we there yet?”

Albert looked at her with a puzzled look and said, “My dear, we are ALWAYS there.”

AM Earley

“One more mile to the mall,” declared my daughter. She is so smart, and such a worry-wart. I can’t tell her anything that will upset her or she will run to her room crying. I hope she grows out of it before she finishes forth grade. Fortunately I found a nice children’s dentistry near the mall. All I have to do now is take the right fork in the road, not the . . . .

“Mommy, the mall’s in the left lane.”

“We’re going afterwards.”

“After. After? After wh . . . ?”

I told you she was smart.

“No, no, noooooooooo.”

And a worry-wart.

Danny

Are we there yet? Have we solved our nation’s problems, have we moved beyond the hate and polarization that rules our current political climate? Are we ever going to see the day when we stop shooting each other because our political ideals differ from one another? Are we ever going to start moving forward in a productive way, creating new things, exploring new frontiers? Are we there yet? Reality check, the voices of hate are too strong, Glen Beck, Sarah Palin, Bill O’Reily, Fox News! Truth be told, this from a man of bad taste, were never going to get there.

TJ

The light flashed. Again. “Check engine.” I did. I hit a rock on the
road and there’s an open coolant leak under my radiator. As long as
I’m moving forward the fan is sucking cold air into the engine, but
the holiday traffic slows as I approach the service center and the
lights are against me. Another red light. I shut the engine off and
wait. It turns, and my car struggles to start again. Oh G-d. Will I make
it? Will I get stuck in traffic? Steam curls ominously from under the
hood as the light goes red again.

Norval Joe

Leanna wiped the sweat from her forehead, pushed a stray lock of hair back up into her bonnet and leaned on her older sister Elitha who tried to push her away.
“Dad,” she whined. “It’s hot. My feet hurt. I’m sweating and tired. Are we there yet?”
George Donner removed his hat and ran his fingers through his hair as he surveyed the low rolling hills of the countryside.
“Well,” he said, “we just left Independence, Missouri this morning, so we still have about 2000 miles to Sutter’s fort. Just keep walking and we’ll be in California in no time.”

Planet Z

One hour to opening.

Time to inspect “World Of The Future.”

I activate the systems, and step onto the moving sidewalk.

The Andersons’ car drives up.

“Are we there yet?” asks Jimmy Anderson. “Are we in The Future yet?

“No, Jimmy,” I say with Dad Anderson. “We aren’t.”

The corporate sponsor’s gadgets line both sides of the walkway.

The Andersons’ spaceship rockets up.

“Are we there yet?” asks Jimmy Anderson. “Are we in The Future yet?

“No, Jimmy,” I say, ignoring Dad Anderson. “But there’s plenty of crap to sell until then.”

“Future’s ready,” I say over the radio, yawning.

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Forty-Six, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was Fake

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.

---

Vince/Fricker

It was mid-summer.

I was sitting on an old wooden dock suspended over a smooth surface of a high mountain lake.
I tilted my head back and let the sun pour its warm caress of heat over my face.

My feet swayed at the water’s surface in beat with my peaceful heart.
The waters chill and the Suns velvet glove of warmth brought comfort to me like no other day in memory.

Beep beep beep…

Nap-time was over and therefore my dream. Another foot of snow had fallen.
Gone was the fake fishing pole, replaced by a real snow shovel.

Tom

When I was small I had an undifferentiated view of the world. Everything had an ample amount of gravitas. Even things close to the edge like stuff toys fit nicely into my own private verisimilitude. All that changed on my 5th birthday the day Easter fell on April the sixth. He suddenly appeared in the corner store window. 12 inches resplendently attired in an embossed bunny waistcoat. He was most assembled chocolate I had ever seen, which should have been a warning. When I unwrapped Him I choose the ear as the best place to begin.

TK

Another day, another dollar. Sai yawned, his feet hit the floor, and it was off to the wardrobe. Nobody knew, naturally. A human with cat features would be tolerated as well as Bigfoot in this world. The tail tucked into his jeans easily enough, with some tailoring. He’s well known as “that guy with a fedora”, so hiding his ears was cake. A stop by the washroom for a pair of contacts and a shave (making sure to keep those pesky whiskers trimmed flat against his face), and the facade was complete. Nobody could possibly know he was a Neko.

Cherie

In the end he said, “It’s not real.” To which I replied, “What? Not real? Do you know how much I paid for this?!”  “Shame,.” he muttered, “Some folks just don’t have an eye for it.”
Shuffling out of the shop I felt the slow drip of anger trickle down my back. “How can it not be real?” I asked myself, ” I was so careful. I did my research. I asked all the right questions!”
Looking down at the small unicorn stationed at my side, I sighed, ruffled its mane and said, “It’s okay, buddy, you’re real enough for me.”

Jeff

I opened my eyes slowly. It was dark, but not so dark that you couldn’t see anything, just dark enough that you couldn’t see anything well. I looked around, slowly, trying to figure out the situation. To the left and right of my position it was dark as well, but there was a faint noise, water trickling somewhere, and dripping into a large pool. I looked up, and saw a circle of light. I heard a screeching, scraping sound as steel screamed against steel and the circle became a crescent and then a thud as the manhole cover was replaced.

Steven

See Sally. Sally likes Bobby. Sally has regular-sized breasts.

See Bobby. Bobby likes Sally. Bobby has inherited male pattern baldness.

Sally and Bobby date. Later, they get married. They care about each other.

See Sally look at the media. See Sally get envious of photoshopped
silicone breasts.

See Bobby look at the media. See Bobby get envious of men with full
heads of hair.

See Sally get new breasts. See Bobby get new hair. They are fake.

See Sally and Bobby hug.

While they hug, they don’t meet each other’s eyes.

More than hair and breasts is fake here.

Zackmann

When I was young my grand aunt took a trip and asked me to water the plants in her apartment.
Wanting to please my beloved aunt, I went to her place every day she was absent, then filled
the watering can and got to work. I watered her Diefenbachia, Spider plants, Creeping Charlie,
and every other plant I could find.Upon her return with a smile my aunt thanked and told me
that I did a very thorough job but if she ever needed me to do it again there will really be no
need to water the artificial plants.

AM Earley

The nightclub bouncer sighed, “Your driver’s license, your hair color, color contacts, fur coat, costume jewelry, breast implants, leather purse, and are those dentures? Everything about you right now is fake. Give me one reason I should let you inside.”

“I taught you in the forth grade. That was before my husband dumped me for a younger woman. He then came back to me when she stole all his money. Now it is my turn.”

The bouncer took a deeper look until he finally found the real woman he had last seen twenty years before.

“Enjoy yourself.”

Michael

Holding them in his hands he felt their smoothness, their roundness, their perfection.

So perfect, he felt certain they must be fake.

“These cannot be real,” he told himself rolling one across his fingers noticing that it was clearly larger.

She stared at him awaiting his response, his next move.

He backed away from her sensing he had gone beyond their allotted time.

“I’m sorry madam. Thank you for your time. I simply don’t know enough about pearls to distinguish the real from the fakes.”

She sighed, looking beyond him for the next customer to approach the counter.

TJ

In the past, bank robbers wore fake beards. These days we wear fake
boobs. Even without disabling the cameras it’s so hard to focus on our
faces. We got the idea from a stripper at Angels. I didn’t realize til
halfway through her set she was my sister. I asked her if those things
were real, and she said, “They ain’t figments of your
imagination.” I asked if they were hers and she said she sure paid
enough for them. As family reunions go it was pretty awkward, and two or
three sets later I stormed right out of there.

Danny

Big shiny BMW, fresh spanking new, just driven off the lot. Have all of this bonus money to spend, what should I buy next, a large house in an affluent neighborhood? Nah, I already have 12 of those. I want something that screams out “Success!” I want to be looked up to, after all, I am an upstanding citizen. I know, extended vacation on an exclusive island in the Bahamas. When vacation’s over, time to go back to work and deny loans to small business and homeowners who need it. Greed only works for those who are not victimized by it.

Norval Joe

“This girl is a fake,” the detective said as he took the pipe from his mouth and cradled it in his hand. He circled the peasant girl. Her long blonde curls reached nearly to her waist.
“But Mr. Holmes,” the rotund, balding man said, “the shoe fits. She’s wearing it now.”
“It’s elementary, my Dear Watson; Hyper-hydrosis.”
“The real mystery girl from the ball is one of these ugly step-sisters, her feet now swollen from dancing all night in uncomfortable shoes.”
“This charlatan’s excessively sweaty feet facilitated her fraud by allowing her to don the other girl’s ill-fitting glass slipper.”

Planet Z

It was the fourth quarter, and the Eagles were down by two, facing fourth and inches.

Forty yards out, the clock running down.

Yeah, everybody knew they were going to fake the punt.

Except the punter, apparently. When the ball was snapped and he punted the ball, everybody just stared at him.

Including the returner. Instead of catching the ball and running with it or calling for a fair catch, it bounced off his hands.

Nobody moved.

Except for the punter, who ran to grab the ball and scored a touchdown.

The officials didn’t blow the whistle for another minute.

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Forty-Five, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was My hat’s off to you!

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.

---

Mick

The café was almost full, so he took a seat at a table already occupied by a pretty young woman. She glanced up from her book to acknowledge his presence with a smile that warmed him from his walk through the Viennese wind.

It was as fine a coffee as he had ever tasted, but the cake far exceeded his expectations. He offered her some, keen to share his discovery. On leaving, he raised his hat to the café owner in thanks.

Every subsequent year they returned, as husband and wife, to share a Kardinalschnitte in the Café Alt Wien.

AM Earley

“Silent Night.” “Behtoven’s Fifth.” “Walking the Floor.” “Freebird!” “Master of Puppets!”

The young soldier took every request given. His guitar was one of the few luxuries he brought with him during his third tour. He may only be a music geek, but here he was as famous as Elvis, maybe.

“Ok, it is time for bed for all. I don’t care how old you are.” The older veterans would tip their imaginary hats and follow the head nurse’s order. The younger veteran’s took turns wheeling the musician back to his room, for another restless night. Sweet music would return tomorrow.

Tom

The star of the Congress of Rough Riders was the first American cowgirl. She could rope she could ride some say she was a better shot that Anne Mose herself. Lucille Mulhall at 14 had caught the eye of the future president of American. “Bully” he shouted in the rising Oklahoma dust on the first forth of July of a newly minted century. “My hats off to that little lady I say I must meet her.” The cowgirl and the candidate ending their first meeting on a red bluff under a crescent moon hunting the last gray wolf in Oklahoma

Zackman

Bob never took his hat off. Not in the field, not inside the house, not at the table no matter what
he’s mother told him, not when he went to bed, not when he got a haircut, nor in church, and
not even in the shower. One day Bob’s Girl friend Said ” If you don’t take that hat off now, I’m
leaving you”. Bob cried for three days but he did not take off his hat. Our hats off to you Bob for
never bowing to social pressure nor common sense and never removing you hat

Michael

“All you do is criticize me,” John said, addressing his wife’s reflection in the mirror.

“My shirt’s the wrong color to you.”

“My shoes are the wrong style to you.”

“Hell, even my hat’s off to you!”

“How do you suppose I got dressed before you came into my life?”

She stared at his back as he stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

If he’s going to be that much of a jerk, she thought, he can just walk around all night with his pants unzipped.

TJ

You hear a wuffle in the hallway, a rustling among the coats.
When there’s a bustle in your hedgerow, you should be alarmed.
It’s not just a spring clean for the May Queen … oh no.
You’ve wakened the wrath of an old chapeau.
There was some magic in that old top hat they found.
Voodoo. The bunny you took home with you
When it hopped to you at my magic show
My mystical exhibition, phantasmagorica
How trepidation transforms your euphoria
It stopped seeking my bunny, it’s shifted its view
With dark magic teeth, see … my hat’s off’ter you.

Danny

You both are the two true heroes in my life. Always there in my time of need, always supportive of whatever path I chose, you were both there in my times of triumph and utter despair. Every time I woke up in the hospital, you were right by my bedside, amazed and overjoyed your only son was still alive. You stood proudly next to me as I was sworn in as an attorney, and helped me as my practice struggled through a depressed economy. To my parents, Norma and Luther, I love you both. My hat’s off to you.

Vince

You took me on a roller-coaster ride and left me stranded. I saw you waving at me from down below. You were laughing at me like the over-sized clown that stands in front of the Fun House. You had me in a cold sweat not knowing when the coaster was going to drop. Inch by inch I felt the car move but the drop never came. All my senses vanished except for hearing every squeak and every crack as the coaster spoke of my pending free-fall. Well hats off to you 2010 but is this all you got. Let’s ride!

Norval Joe

The two boys were best friends since sixth grade when Bert first helped Wendell complete a science project.

There was a tinge of rivalry to their friendship and Wendel always seemed to get credit for Bert’s work.

Wendall got the better grades in high school physics and a bigger scholarship at Stanford than Bert got at Cal. The final straw, Wendall got a government defense contract for an idea they had developed together.

Bert smiled, knowing the fatal errors built into the formulae.

“My hat’s off to you, Wendell,” Bert toasted his friend. “I wish you the success you deserve.”

PLANET Z

It took a day to scrounge up the parts from dumpsters in the garment district.

It took another day to repair the worst of the damage and assemble the ones that fit together best.

On the third day, I dressed the figure in a suit that no longer fit me.

And on the fourth, I placed him outside the front door, with a fine top hat in his hand.

He stands there, smiling.

Why an abortion clinic would want a mannequin in a suit greeting people, I don’t know.

But somehow, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Forty-Four, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was Make a run for it!!

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.

---

Dave

James and Dennis were putting the finishing touches on their system of fire crackers and cherry bombs packed into the dirt beneath the arrangement of plastic army men. James’ older brother decided to have some fun of his own and lit the fuse while the boys weren’t looking. Suddenly noticing the lit fuse, they bolted out of the yard and behind the fence. Silence. “Out you go Brownie,” their mom said as she let the dog out. Of course his nose sent him directly to the fire crackers. “Here Brownie!” they called, but it was no use.

Zackmann

Since the newspaper headline is “Last Print Edition Ever Due to Bankruptcy” are there any
stories you want to run but didn’t for fear of losing your job or add revenue.
Well there was this letter from someone Who call himself “The Punnisher” postmarked
Englewood Colorado. It had more puns than a Xanth novel. He had asked a couple times if
the newspaper would run a feature he called “The Punishment”. After he we said no, he sent a
really bad “The Punnishment” as a joke featuring a pun about electing a BlackBerry.

Steven the Nuclear Man

”You think he’s watching?” I put my hand on Mrs. Claus’ arm as she
shakes her head.

Her lips run over the elfin point of my ear. “Of course not. He
watches the human children. You are neither human” – her hand runs
down my body – ” nor a child.”

I fumble with the buttons on her blouse; she slides me out of the
green jumper. We explore each other’s bodies as twenty four hours
pass like one.

Which means he pulls up while we’re still naked.

I try to run, but damn if my socks don’t keep filling up with coal.

TJ

The tacky holiday sweater contest is a bad idea, especially when
you’re as competitive as we are. We all took a run at it, and the
office became an explosion of glitter, tinsel, garland, blinking lights
and jingle bells. They got us together for the judging and it’s like
Christmas threw up on us. I dressed as Rudolph with jingle bell antlers
and a blinking red nose, but we all lost to Karl, who wore a damn
Christmas tree. Later, he confessed he’d just hit the nog too hard,
tripped over the tree in the lobby and couldn’t get free.

Guy David

– …So, I just stood there staring as this guy started shouting right before lunch break, “They are going to turn us into mindless zombies and promote us” or something like that. That guy really lost it.
– Please don’t do that voice
– Sorry… Anyway, how was your day?
– Arms everywhere
– No kidding. Did you make a run for it?
– I wasn’t trained for this
– No one ever is I guess.
– I don’t know what the point of this is
– It’s an exercise in meaningless chatter.
– It’s all my fault
– Look – I have an extra bellybutton.
– That’s between you and the monkeys

Tom

I grab Sue Ann sprinting past the cosmetics. As she spins away she lays a fist to my rib cage. “Bit me Wendell.” She spits. “No but they will.”With out missing a stride Suzie levels the shot gun behind her and takes out two Zmart associates. Since major retail chains started hiring Zombies Shopping is an adventure. Rounding the oral b Kiosk she hacks the ends off a half dozen toothbrushes with a machete. Out of housewares three associates claw at her. Sue pounds a brush into Two forehead rolls forward backhands the third zombie. Bitch clowns eat oral.

Beth and Gina

Fake Fire, Fake Tree, Fake Cat,

Real Beer, Real Whiskey, Real Smokes, Real Good.

Trust me.

Im sitting between a fake fireplace (television playing a fire inside a real fire place) and a Christmas tree made of plastic, donning lights, and crystalline ornaments.

The fake cat is asleep next to me. I watch it’s smooth even (battery powered) breaths.

So We are sitting here, watching Christmas on TV.

She’s got beer… real beer. Me? Whiskey, also real.

We are sitting here laughing about how wonderful it feels to be sitting here between a Fake Tree and Fake Fire holding a Fake cat…

thank God for Real Whiskey, Real Beer and Real Smokes!

Norval Joe

The examiner scowled at the graduate student. “Peter. You claim you weren’t able to collect all the data for your master’s thesis?”
“Yes, sir,” Peter said, a perpetually baffled expression furrowed his brow. “I trapped twelve red squirrels and took blood samples from each. I tested each sample for the ‘grey squirrel pox virus’. I gave each squirrel a pencil and questionarre to fill out. Three ate their pencils, eight made a run for it and escaped, and only one completed the questionarre.”
“Will this affect my final grade?” Peter asked.
“No,” the examiner smiled sadly, “I don’t think so.”

Planet Z

Christmas behind barbed wire, restricted to our barracks.

Almost all of the prison camp guards are in the guardhouse, drinking and singing and exchanging presents.

Presents we made for them as they held guns to the back of our heads.

The two guards that are here, we approach and offer our own gifts.

They think it’s a trap and point their guns at us.

“No,” we say. “It’s Christmas. Enjoy.”

They put down their guns, unwrap the gifts, and we attack them as quietly as possible.

No alarms. Nobody at the wall.

Make a break for it, elves! We’re free!

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Forty-Three, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was Inspiration!

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.

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Zackmann

Wow, one of my shows won the Emmy. I knew cross-genre fiction had become popular but
I never expected this. Thanks to my staff. Thank you Jonathon and Gary of Notes Form
Coode Street for whatever you said that inspired me to write Stargate CSI, StarShip CSI, and
CSI Mars Station. I also want to thank Frank Darabont for making some very talented writers
available to help me with three of this years Emmy nominated shows. Finally , thanks to Justin
Lowmaster and Lawrence Simon for getting me into drabbles since awards ceremonies now
limit acceptance speeches to 100 words long.

Dave

“Feeling inspired yet?” she asked with a smirk in her voice.
“That’s not really helping,” I groaned, wiping the last remnants of sleepy glue from my eyes.
“Oh, I’m sorry ’bout that,” she purred. “Is there something I could do to help you get your creative juices flowing this morning?”
“Well, that is in your job description isn’t it?, I croaked semi-rhetorically, with a tinge of pathetic hope in my voice.
“Ok,” she replied. “Do you want to do this the hard way, or will you roll your lazy ass over?”
I sighed, opened my laptop, and began writing.

Helen

You inspired me with thousands of words written to make sure I never fell backwards.  You helped me fight the deepest sadness, and depression.  You grabbed me, stood me in front of a mirror, and said, “Look at yourself Helen, you cannot give-up or give in if you give-up then everyone else wins.”

Your heart flutters like butterfly wings.  You have faced far worse situations, far worse conditions, and far worse heartaches. You wrote the book on inspiration, look at the beggar on the corner with no home at all.

Breathe, endure, believe, smile, and love …

Tom

I want to be the first zombie president.

Inspiration I bring you

Be more that the sum of your dissociating parts

I seek your undefined attention

Yes we can

Yes can can can

If elected I promise a brain in every pot and

Pot in every brain.

If elected I promise a ban on shotguns

Spear guns flame throwers

Axes lawn shears

And crochet hooks.

If you are tired of that pack of fake zombie

Wannabes drolling on excessively about health care

Elect a real rotter.

God Bless the arm I’m crewing on

And God Bless the United States of America

Justin

Back in the seventies when Games Workshop was beginning, they had an office, and therefore couldn’t afford an apartment, so they lived in a van until they could afford both. They started distributing TSRs game Dungeons and Dragons and this really pushed Games Workshop forward. When TSR wanted to buy Games Workshop, or stop distributing through them, Games Workshop decided to hold their ground, and Warhammer was born. Amidst all this, they made the Fighting Fantasy books, a sort of role-playing adventure you played in a book. I want to make a choose your own adventure style interactive fiction game.

Steven

She kicks me out of bed, rumpled rolling tangle onto the cold floor.
I cover my face as the cheap pen and notepad arc over the edge of the
mattress.

My voice is a croak. “Now?”

She looks over the comforter. “Yes.”

I have fifteen hundred words when she leaves. She rotates among us.
“Write,” she commands. “Write.”

We write until our fingers bleed. We have to.

I was the first to discover she didn’t like alcohol. As I drank and
smoked hand-rolled cigarettes, she snorted at me.

“You and Hemingway,” she said. I ginned, free of the muse.

TJ

We had to call it the Inspiron processor because some other company had
already called their processor the Inspiration. What they’d actually
done is torn a transistor radio apart and stuck the various components
together with the innards of a calculator into a piece of green plastic.
It burst into flames after like five calculations but because their
uncle actually worked in the patent office or something, “the
Inspiration” predated ours by three days. We take consolation in the
fact that we know how to build computers, and certainly the gajillion
dollars our processor made helps to ease the pain.

Norval Joe

Ashton’s writer’s block was so persistent that the once prolific author hadn’t penned a single story in ten years. He even considered taking Viagra since it always helped when he lacked sufficient romantic inspiration.
Wallowing in self pity he watched old movies on Net Flicks, day and night until he came upon “Forest Gump”.
Ashton hit the streets in a brand new pair of running shoes. It worked for Forest, it could work for him. Just yards from his home he tripped on uneven ground and plowed into the dirt head first.
He stumbled back home to try the viagra.

Planet Z

If you toast my health, toast my bad health.

I am allergic to many things, and when I am not careful, welts and sores open up along my thighs.

To some, they would seem a burden, but to me they are an inspiration.

All of my paintings, poetry, music, and sculpture are a result of examining and exploring the revolting landscapes on my legs.

The only form of art that does not benefit from my malady is dance.

Instead of being inspired to dance, I do my best to stay as still as I can to avoid chafing and infection.