Weekly Challenge #305 – The Meaning Of Life

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at podcasting.isfullofcrap.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.

This is Weekly Challenge Number Three Hundred and Five, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was The Meaning Of Life.

And we’ve got stories by a lot of people:

Chris Munroe
Zackmann
Thomas
Jessi
Botgirl
Tura
Scott V
Chris the Nuclear Kid
Lizzie Gudkov
Sail2Byzantium
Taralyn
Jeff Hema
WareCats
Buttermilk
Tom
Guy
Bonchance
RedGoddess/TalkWithMarie
Pamela
Danny Dwyer
Cliff
Norval Joe
Steven The Nuclear Man
TREED
Planet Z

And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.

The more people see this on Google Plus, Facebook, and Twitter – the more explaining you’ll have to do with your loved ones, coworkers, and parole officers.

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Munsi

The Meaning of Life

Life’s what happens when you’re making other plans.

Tho’ in my case, I didn’t make plans.

I didn’t have time to, between my day job, the writing, the comedy projects and endless drinks with friends. There was always too much going on to stop, focus and make plans.

Does that make my life less meaningful?

The meaning of a life is shown in what you choose to focus on, but I’ve been so unfocused…

So I’ll put it to you: what does this make the meaning of my life? I’d love to ponder it, but I have shit to do.

Zackmann

Her house looked like that movie scene in which bad guys torn the place apart.
She said “Zack, What are you doing?”
“I am looking for the mean of life.” he replied.
“How many times do I have to tell you that even though I work on Sunday morning there is no reason why you cant go to church yourself.”
“You dont understand.”
“Try me”she said
“I borrowed Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life DVD from the local library. If I dont find it, I must pay a late fee and replacement cost as well as a restocking charge.”

Thomas

He strove to be the meanest, stingiest, grouchiest, smelliest, most dreadful man in the group. He hated groups, and this group of strict conservatives, and all it stood for, irritated him to the point of piercing a hole through his stomach with his own, self-generated brew of stomach acid, thus threatening his life and causing him untold pain–as if he was shot through his middle with a burning bowling ball. He joined and tried to keep his words and opinions to himself, but manners and smell forced the group to disband within minutes of the opening of the meeting.

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Professor T continued work on her latest book, The Meaning of Life. The Professor taught philosophy 101 and Beginning Zen Archery at the local community college. An eccentric woman, The Professor was convinced that her book would answer all the questions that people had about the true meaning of life. The first few chapters contained hundreds of equations and logic diagrams, totally incomprehensible to anyone that attempted to slog through it. The balance of her book was filled with crude drawings and diagrams, interspersed with obscene caricatures. The professor’s work ultimately concluded that the Meaning of Life was continually reductive.

Jessi

Demeaning of Life, by Jessi Firethorn (with apologies to Cole Porter)

Cole had the right idea, I thought, forking the gooey mass on the half-shell. Life’s about the experiment. When Gabriel blows that horn, this prodigal will head home having spent all ten talents, made blue lagoons of life’s lemons, and battle-rammed every door that got in my way! These delicacies are touted to boost the heart, brain and libido, and this oyster is mine.

Slurp. Swallow. Well, almost swallow. All 50 million Frenchmen were wrong. This is disgusting. This is detestable. Return these to the bay, please, and check that off de-list.

Now, who knows how to dance the Beguine?

Tura

I saw a sage, who declared to the crowd about him, “Life has no meaning!” And a second nearby shouted to his admirers, “That life has no meaning, IS its meaning!” And likewise a third preached, “Life has only the meaning you give it!” And I marvelled that each group looked fiercely upon the others, and would come to blows.

So I shouted, “Pshaw! One cannot insert so much as a cigarette paper between your beliefs!” And they united as brothers to beat me and drive me away, then returned to their strife.

That was the meaning of their lives.

Scott

Stanley lived quietly in the cheap suit his mother bought him as a graduation present. He spent his evenings carefully arranging his turnips in their prescribed order on the bric-a-brac shelf. He had carved them in occupational therapy, carefully contouring the surface of each to resemble a family member. He found the taproot useful to serve as the tails of kittens he wished to own. Stanley didn’t work. He’d made his money dumping buckets of boner pills into the inboxes of the unsuspecting. Squishing the turnip head of his mother made it all worthwhile.

Chris

(No Text Sent)

Lizzie

“What is the meaning of life, dear?” he asked with a naughty look on his face. “Is it the two of us touching each other, up and down?”

She had a severe cold and was certainly not geographically motivated.

“The meaning of life?”

He nodded enthusiastically.

“Well, it’s having a sweet hot chocolate, and a bitter chocolate for when I need to bite my tongue,” she said crisply.

“What about me?” he pleaded.

“You don’t taste like chocolate. You taste like… damped cereals.”

“Damped cereals?!” he asked.

To which she rolled her eyes and said, “Ok, pass the bitter chocolate.”

Sail2Byzantium

I found the crack in the floorboards searching for Barbie in the dark. A tiny pillar of light seeped through it. I examined the crack, poking my finger in, but I had to look. At first, it was just flickers of light with the sound of glass clinking on glass. Odd smells emanated from below like a cross between catbox and bad eggs.

A man in a mask stood beneath me at a table. The mask came off and it was Daddy. Relieved, I tucked myself again. But, one night a few weeks later, the lab exploded beneath me.

TaraLyn

I lean back on the rock ledge and dangle my feet into the cool water. The morning sun slowly comes around the corner and caresses my body. I pick up my book and open it to the bookmark. It is so quiet, all I hear is the water smoothing out the bank. I smell the leaves on the ground…the crisp air relaxes me as my hair lifts off my shoulder floating on the breeze. I watch ducks float by and think..I bet they are good friends. My eyes focus on the page and read, This is the meaning of life…..

Jeff

It was 5 am when my cellphone vibrated. I opened my eyes instantly.

« He bought the farm, call mum ».

This is the second time I’ve had to go through this predicament. The first time I was 7 years old.

I still react the same way, I’m never affected by the death of a family member but by the tears my relatives drop.

Undaunted, I woke up an hour later and left the house for my job interview .

I felt just OK. Am I turning into Dexter? No, perish the thought!

People come and go, that’s the way the cookie crumbles.

WareCats

When we are little children we never wonder about “what is the meaning of life?”

Then we grow to our teens years and wonder “what is this life for?”
In our twenty’s we believe it is all about working, schooling and “how to get ahead in life.”

Through out our adult life we ponder “what have I done that is worthwhile in my life?”

The golden years hit and there you are holding that brand new grandchild in your arms.
It is then that you realize you have found that this is the true “meaning of life.”

Buttermilk

Row: Said three times for emphasis, it’s a call to action. Life’s not a spectator’s sport. YOUR boat: You can’t row someone else’s. Stop trying. Gently: Don’t be so hard on yourself. Try to take it easy. DOWN the stream: Go with the flow. The stream knows where it’s going. Merrily: Said four times for effect. Stop taking yourself so seriously, and try to have some fun! Life is but a dream: This one or any other is nothing but a thinly veiled illusion. So many chase the Meaning of Life, but it turns out we learned it as kids.

Tom

Your warm, fed, no one messes with your space, you don’t even need to breath. Then some jerk with forceps grabs your head, turns you up side down, and slaps you on the ass. You’re the smallest kid on the playground. The bigger kids give you a ration of shit. As you move from peer group to peer group the amount of unkind acts pile to the heavens. Your boss, ex-wife, and anyone having a bad day make sure you will have a bad day. Somehow the well of human kindness springs eternal in spite of the meaning of life.

Guy David

They where a paper clip company. When they created the paper clip making robot, they instilled in him a sense of the importance of making paper clips. Paper clip making became his reason for being. The presentation went well. They turned him on, and he sipped from a pile of previously prepared materials, quickly converting them to paper clips, then he run out of materials. First, the meeting room table went. The technicians tried to shut him off but he converted them as well, then he stormed through the building converting everything and everyone, then he went for the exit.

Bonchance

In times we experience some turmoil and strife,
we may find ourselves asking the meaning of life.
Some of us in youth might seek elders for advise,
perhaps with age we’ll get an answer that is wise.
So once in that moment I went to my mentor
asking the old man what we were put on this earth for.
Grandfather told me stories of things he had been through,
of wonderful people and those also who were cruel.
Boy, you don’t have to be a genius or even very clever,
the answer is quite simple, you just need to endeavor.

Botgirl

“Oh my god, he’s right!” she said out of nowhere from across the bed. “Life IS getting meaner.”

“Who’s right?” I mumbled, half asleep. Definitely not ready for the morning after.

“I think his name is Monty something,” she said.

I had the same kind of fuzzy memory of her name, but it didn’t seem an appropriate time to bring it up.

“Anyway, Natasha loaned me his movie yesterday and I just figured out what the title means.”

I had to ask.

“The Meaning of Life,” she said.

Yeah. I went home with the waitress. Again. Damn you Warren Zevon.

RedGoddess

There are many questions that will haunt mankind for generations to come. Who am I will top the list. What is love is another and of course the meaning of life will be philosophical icing. In this era of TV gurus, we have many masters to turn to, from Oprah to Chopra but we’re still puzzled by the contradictions. Sadly, we’re left with more questions than answers. I wonder when one is economically drained, deprived, desperate and depressed, is that a priority? Whatever motivates one to get out of bed daily, will ultimately reveal how they live through the meanings.

Pamela

Why?

I still hated New York, but with half of the city’s scum frightened to be alone in the alleys, I couldn’t quit.

Before he lost consciousness, one asked me, “Why?”

I was glad he couldn’t see my face because it was blank. I had no answer. The next several nights, I wandered, thinking. The risk, the late nights, no social life.

Then: a muffled plea, scuffling feet. A block. An alley. A woman, a man, a purse.

And me.

And the answer. It was simple and, as I moved her away from the mess, rewarded by two words: thank you.

Danny

My fictional son and I were making our escape from my violent non-fictional ex-wife across the Arizona desert on the back of a donkey named “Meatloaf Flying Spaceship.” I asked aloud, “What is the meaning of life?” Meatloaf responded, which left me stunned, I had no idea the donkey could speak. “Life would be more meaningful if you guys would get your fat asses off my back so I could breathe.” We quickly obliged. ”I think all of our lives will have more meaning if we just keep fleeing from your crazy ex-wife.” After spotting my ex-wife in the distance, I quickly agreed.

Cliff

Marie’s Quest

I found it.
-Found what?
The meaning of life.
-Oh, really? Fortune cookie or box of cracker jacks?
Neither! I did the pilgrimage and found the guru. He’s lived alone in a cave for thirty years meditating on it.
-Ok, I’ll bite. What did he say.
Sex.
-Sex?
Yep. Wild passionate sex.
-Really?
That’s right.
-A guy who’s been alone in a cave for years thinks sex is the meaning of life. Did he tell you this or show you?
Well, both. Why?
-Oh, Marie.
Do you think he was taking advantage of me?
-It’s clown college all over again.

Norval Joe

Owen looked from his uncle to Cindy’s grandfather and beyond to the unknown woman brooding by the door.
“I’m engaged to Cindy?” he asked. “When were you going to tell me?”
“Owen,” The dark woman said, “My name is Shareeka. I’m the wizardess who hid you here. You and Cindy must be presented, together, on her 16th birthday, or all our effort, indeed your very lives, would have been without meaning.”
“So,” Owen said. “We have to find where the princess is hidden, get her, and get back by her birthday?”
“That’s right, Owen,” Shareeka said. “You have 42 days.”

Steven the Nuclear Man

Chasing Someone with Dynamite

“Father, what is the meaning of life?”

He sat back on his bench, running a hand through his thinning hair.

He knew.

He knew the touch of her hair and hands on his back. He knew the glow
of her skin in morning sunlight, the spice smell of her sweat.

The way the universe hid inside her eyes when she said she loved him.

“It is,” he lied through the screen, “to love the Lord God with all
our heart, all our mind, and all our soul.”

Father Adam closed the panel, sat back, and remembered Lilith as he wept.

TREED

Bob and Dave, the Existentialism Experiment

“The meaning of life?”

“Yes, Bob, the meaning of life.”

“Well, Dave, you contemplating the meaning of life is, well, quite frightening.”

“Frightening?”

“Yep. Means you are actually Thinking. A scary though I know not of, Dave.”

“Bob.”

“Dave.”

“You ended that sentence with a preposition.”

“Why Dave, I did not know you knew what that was.”

“Not funny, Bob.”

“I’m sorry, Dave.”

“Now, back to the point.”

“Which is…?”

“The meaning of Life.”

“I don’t actually have an answer for you, Dave, but I do have the answer to Life the universe and everything.”

“Really? What is it?”

“42”

Planet Z

The meaning of Life?
It’s just fucking cereal.
There’s no hidden messages in there at all, no ulterior motives.
If you pour it out on the table, it’s not going to resolve any deep mysteries of the universe.
Just put it in a goddamned bowl, pour some milk over it, and eat it.
I don’t care if Mikey likes it or not.
Fuck Mikey.
All that matters is you and this bowl of cereal.
Eating it won’t make you complete… it’s just a nutritious part of a complete breakfast.
Quit making such a big deal.
And pass the orange juice