Weekly Challenge #245: My hat’s off to you!

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Forty-Five, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was My hat’s off to you!

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

[polldaddy poll=4326233]

And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.


Mick

The café was almost full, so he took a seat at a table already occupied by a pretty young woman. She glanced up from her book to acknowledge his presence with a smile that warmed him from his walk through the Viennese wind.

It was as fine a coffee as he had ever tasted, but the cake far exceeded his expectations. He offered her some, keen to share his discovery. On leaving, he raised his hat to the café owner in thanks.

Every subsequent year they returned, as husband and wife, to share a Kardinalschnitte in the Café Alt Wien.

AM Earley

“Silent Night.” “Behtoven’s Fifth.” “Walking the Floor.” “Freebird!” “Master of Puppets!”

The young soldier took every request given. His guitar was one of the few luxuries he brought with him during his third tour. He may only be a music geek, but here he was as famous as Elvis, maybe.

“Ok, it is time for bed for all. I don’t care how old you are.” The older veterans would tip their imaginary hats and follow the head nurse’s order. The younger veteran’s took turns wheeling the musician back to his room, for another restless night. Sweet music would return tomorrow.

Tom

The star of the Congress of Rough Riders was the first American cowgirl. She could rope she could ride some say she was a better shot that Anne Mose herself. Lucille Mulhall at 14 had caught the eye of the future president of American. “Bully” he shouted in the rising Oklahoma dust on the first forth of July of a newly minted century. “My hats off to that little lady I say I must meet her.” The cowgirl and the candidate ending their first meeting on a red bluff under a crescent moon hunting the last gray wolf in Oklahoma

Zackman

Bob never took his hat off. Not in the field, not inside the house, not at the table no matter what
he’s mother told him, not when he went to bed, not when he got a haircut, nor in church, and
not even in the shower. One day Bob’s Girl friend Said ” If you don’t take that hat off now, I’m
leaving you”. Bob cried for three days but he did not take off his hat. Our hats off to you Bob for
never bowing to social pressure nor common sense and never removing you hat

Michael

“All you do is criticize me,” John said, addressing his wife’s reflection in the mirror.

“My shirt’s the wrong color to you.”

“My shoes are the wrong style to you.”

“Hell, even my hat’s off to you!”

“How do you suppose I got dressed before you came into my life?”

She stared at his back as he stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

If he’s going to be that much of a jerk, she thought, he can just walk around all night with his pants unzipped.

TJ

You hear a wuffle in the hallway, a rustling among the coats.
When there’s a bustle in your hedgerow, you should be alarmed.
It’s not just a spring clean for the May Queen … oh no.
You’ve wakened the wrath of an old chapeau.
There was some magic in that old top hat they found.
Voodoo. The bunny you took home with you
When it hopped to you at my magic show
My mystical exhibition, phantasmagorica
How trepidation transforms your euphoria
It stopped seeking my bunny, it’s shifted its view
With dark magic teeth, see … my hat’s off’ter you.

Danny

You both are the two true heroes in my life. Always there in my time of need, always supportive of whatever path I chose, you were both there in my times of triumph and utter despair. Every time I woke up in the hospital, you were right by my bedside, amazed and overjoyed your only son was still alive. You stood proudly next to me as I was sworn in as an attorney, and helped me as my practice struggled through a depressed economy. To my parents, Norma and Luther, I love you both. My hat’s off to you.

Vince

You took me on a roller-coaster ride and left me stranded. I saw you waving at me from down below. You were laughing at me like the over-sized clown that stands in front of the Fun House. You had me in a cold sweat not knowing when the coaster was going to drop. Inch by inch I felt the car move but the drop never came. All my senses vanished except for hearing every squeak and every crack as the coaster spoke of my pending free-fall. Well hats off to you 2010 but is this all you got. Let’s ride!

Norval Joe

The two boys were best friends since sixth grade when Bert first helped Wendell complete a science project.

There was a tinge of rivalry to their friendship and Wendel always seemed to get credit for Bert’s work.

Wendall got the better grades in high school physics and a bigger scholarship at Stanford than Bert got at Cal. The final straw, Wendall got a government defense contract for an idea they had developed together.

Bert smiled, knowing the fatal errors built into the formulae.

“My hat’s off to you, Wendell,” Bert toasted his friend. “I wish you the success you deserve.”

PLANET Z

It took a day to scrounge up the parts from dumpsters in the garment district.

It took another day to repair the worst of the damage and assemble the ones that fit together best.

On the third day, I dressed the figure in a suit that no longer fit me.

And on the fourth, I placed him outside the front door, with a fine top hat in his hand.

He stands there, smiling.

Why an abortion clinic would want a mannequin in a suit greeting people, I don’t know.

But somehow, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Weekly Challenge #244: Make a run for it!

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Forty-Four, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was Make a run for it!!

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

[polldaddy poll=4299525]

And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.


Dave

James and Dennis were putting the finishing touches on their system of fire crackers and cherry bombs packed into the dirt beneath the arrangement of plastic army men. James’ older brother decided to have some fun of his own and lit the fuse while the boys weren’t looking. Suddenly noticing the lit fuse, they bolted out of the yard and behind the fence. Silence. “Out you go Brownie,” their mom said as she let the dog out. Of course his nose sent him directly to the fire crackers. “Here Brownie!” they called, but it was no use.

Zackmann

Since the newspaper headline is “Last Print Edition Ever Due to Bankruptcy” are there any
stories you want to run but didn’t for fear of losing your job or add revenue.
Well there was this letter from someone Who call himself “The Punnisher” postmarked
Englewood Colorado. It had more puns than a Xanth novel. He had asked a couple times if
the newspaper would run a feature he called “The Punishment”. After he we said no, he sent a
really bad “The Punnishment” as a joke featuring a pun about electing a BlackBerry.

Steven the Nuclear Man

”You think he’s watching?” I put my hand on Mrs. Claus’ arm as she
shakes her head.

Her lips run over the elfin point of my ear. “Of course not. He
watches the human children. You are neither human” – her hand runs
down my body – ” nor a child.”

I fumble with the buttons on her blouse; she slides me out of the
green jumper. We explore each other’s bodies as twenty four hours
pass like one.

Which means he pulls up while we’re still naked.

I try to run, but damn if my socks don’t keep filling up with coal.

TJ

The tacky holiday sweater contest is a bad idea, especially when
you’re as competitive as we are. We all took a run at it, and the
office became an explosion of glitter, tinsel, garland, blinking lights
and jingle bells. They got us together for the judging and it’s like
Christmas threw up on us. I dressed as Rudolph with jingle bell antlers
and a blinking red nose, but we all lost to Karl, who wore a damn
Christmas tree. Later, he confessed he’d just hit the nog too hard,
tripped over the tree in the lobby and couldn’t get free.

Guy David

– …So, I just stood there staring as this guy started shouting right before lunch break, “They are going to turn us into mindless zombies and promote us” or something like that. That guy really lost it.
– Please don’t do that voice
– Sorry… Anyway, how was your day?
– Arms everywhere
– No kidding. Did you make a run for it?
– I wasn’t trained for this
– No one ever is I guess.
– I don’t know what the point of this is
– It’s an exercise in meaningless chatter.
– It’s all my fault
– Look – I have an extra bellybutton.
– That’s between you and the monkeys

Tom

I grab Sue Ann sprinting past the cosmetics. As she spins away she lays a fist to my rib cage. “Bit me Wendell.” She spits. “No but they will.”With out missing a stride Suzie levels the shot gun behind her and takes out two Zmart associates. Since major retail chains started hiring Zombies Shopping is an adventure. Rounding the oral b Kiosk she hacks the ends off a half dozen toothbrushes with a machete. Out of housewares three associates claw at her. Sue pounds a brush into Two forehead rolls forward backhands the third zombie. Bitch clowns eat oral.

Beth and Gina

Fake Fire, Fake Tree, Fake Cat,

Real Beer, Real Whiskey, Real Smokes, Real Good.

Trust me.

Im sitting between a fake fireplace (television playing a fire inside a real fire place) and a Christmas tree made of plastic, donning lights, and crystalline ornaments.

The fake cat is asleep next to me. I watch it’s smooth even (battery powered) breaths.

So We are sitting here, watching Christmas on TV.

She’s got beer… real beer. Me? Whiskey, also real.

We are sitting here laughing about how wonderful it feels to be sitting here between a Fake Tree and Fake Fire holding a Fake cat…

thank God for Real Whiskey, Real Beer and Real Smokes!

Norval Joe

The examiner scowled at the graduate student. “Peter. You claim you weren’t able to collect all the data for your master’s thesis?”
“Yes, sir,” Peter said, a perpetually baffled expression furrowed his brow. “I trapped twelve red squirrels and took blood samples from each. I tested each sample for the ‘grey squirrel pox virus’. I gave each squirrel a pencil and questionarre to fill out. Three ate their pencils, eight made a run for it and escaped, and only one completed the questionarre.”
“Will this affect my final grade?” Peter asked.
“No,” the examiner smiled sadly, “I don’t think so.”

Planet Z

Christmas behind barbed wire, restricted to our barracks.

Almost all of the prison camp guards are in the guardhouse, drinking and singing and exchanging presents.

Presents we made for them as they held guns to the back of our heads.

The two guards that are here, we approach and offer our own gifts.

They think it’s a trap and point their guns at us.

“No,” we say. “It’s Christmas. Enjoy.”

They put down their guns, unwrap the gifts, and we attack them as quietly as possible.

No alarms. Nobody at the wall.

Make a break for it, elves! We’re free!

Weekly Challenge #243: Inspiration

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Forty-Three, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was Inspiration!

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

[polldaddy poll=4270309]

And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.


Zackmann

Wow, one of my shows won the Emmy. I knew cross-genre fiction had become popular but
I never expected this. Thanks to my staff. Thank you Jonathon and Gary of Notes Form
Coode Street for whatever you said that inspired me to write Stargate CSI, StarShip CSI, and
CSI Mars Station. I also want to thank Frank Darabont for making some very talented writers
available to help me with three of this years Emmy nominated shows. Finally , thanks to Justin
Lowmaster and Lawrence Simon for getting me into drabbles since awards ceremonies now
limit acceptance speeches to 100 words long.

Dave

“Feeling inspired yet?” she asked with a smirk in her voice.
“That’s not really helping,” I groaned, wiping the last remnants of sleepy glue from my eyes.
“Oh, I’m sorry ’bout that,” she purred. “Is there something I could do to help you get your creative juices flowing this morning?”
“Well, that is in your job description isn’t it?, I croaked semi-rhetorically, with a tinge of pathetic hope in my voice.
“Ok,” she replied. “Do you want to do this the hard way, or will you roll your lazy ass over?”
I sighed, opened my laptop, and began writing.

Helen

You inspired me with thousands of words written to make sure I never fell backwards.  You helped me fight the deepest sadness, and depression.  You grabbed me, stood me in front of a mirror, and said, “Look at yourself Helen, you cannot give-up or give in if you give-up then everyone else wins.”

Your heart flutters like butterfly wings.  You have faced far worse situations, far worse conditions, and far worse heartaches. You wrote the book on inspiration, look at the beggar on the corner with no home at all.

Breathe, endure, believe, smile, and love …

Tom

I want to be the first zombie president.

Inspiration I bring you

Be more that the sum of your dissociating parts

I seek your undefined attention

Yes we can

Yes can can can

If elected I promise a brain in every pot and

Pot in every brain.

If elected I promise a ban on shotguns

Spear guns flame throwers

Axes lawn shears

And crochet hooks.

If you are tired of that pack of fake zombie

Wannabes drolling on excessively about health care

Elect a real rotter.

God Bless the arm I’m crewing on

And God Bless the United States of America

Justin

Back in the seventies when Games Workshop was beginning, they had an office, and therefore couldn’t afford an apartment, so they lived in a van until they could afford both. They started distributing TSRs game Dungeons and Dragons and this really pushed Games Workshop forward. When TSR wanted to buy Games Workshop, or stop distributing through them, Games Workshop decided to hold their ground, and Warhammer was born. Amidst all this, they made the Fighting Fantasy books, a sort of role-playing adventure you played in a book. I want to make a choose your own adventure style interactive fiction game.

Steven

She kicks me out of bed, rumpled rolling tangle onto the cold floor.
I cover my face as the cheap pen and notepad arc over the edge of the
mattress.

My voice is a croak. “Now?”

She looks over the comforter. “Yes.”

I have fifteen hundred words when she leaves. She rotates among us.
“Write,” she commands. “Write.”

We write until our fingers bleed. We have to.

I was the first to discover she didn’t like alcohol. As I drank and
smoked hand-rolled cigarettes, she snorted at me.

“You and Hemingway,” she said. I ginned, free of the muse.

TJ

We had to call it the Inspiron processor because some other company had
already called their processor the Inspiration. What they’d actually
done is torn a transistor radio apart and stuck the various components
together with the innards of a calculator into a piece of green plastic.
It burst into flames after like five calculations but because their
uncle actually worked in the patent office or something, “the
Inspiration” predated ours by three days. We take consolation in the
fact that we know how to build computers, and certainly the gajillion
dollars our processor made helps to ease the pain.

Norval Joe

Ashton’s writer’s block was so persistent that the once prolific author hadn’t penned a single story in ten years. He even considered taking Viagra since it always helped when he lacked sufficient romantic inspiration.
Wallowing in self pity he watched old movies on Net Flicks, day and night until he came upon “Forest Gump”.
Ashton hit the streets in a brand new pair of running shoes. It worked for Forest, it could work for him. Just yards from his home he tripped on uneven ground and plowed into the dirt head first.
He stumbled back home to try the viagra.

Planet Z

If you toast my health, toast my bad health.

I am allergic to many things, and when I am not careful, welts and sores open up along my thighs.

To some, they would seem a burden, but to me they are an inspiration.

All of my paintings, poetry, music, and sculpture are a result of examining and exploring the revolting landscapes on my legs.

The only form of art that does not benefit from my malady is dance.

Instead of being inspired to dance, I do my best to stay as still as I can to avoid chafing and infection.

Weekly Challenge #242 – “Playing Doctor”

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Forty-Two, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was Playing Doctor!

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

[polldaddy poll=4236104]

And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.


Tom

“Want to play Doctor.” he slyly said

“Let’s check those vitals” she wryly replied removing a thermometer from her med bag.

As the light ran along the glass rod a disturbing thought crossed his mind.

“That’s not oral is it?” “Nope, but actuate”

“You sure have a talent for killing the moment”.

“What’s amatter pookie don’t want to play Doctor any more?”

“Not if it’s going to involve foreign objects. I am no longer in the mood.”

“Aha come on. we could play the little match girl and the salami salesman.”

“Ok but I get to be Giuseppe this time.”

Zackmann

Hello, Realtor ? I need to move away from my crazy neighbors. I told them, I am not a doctor, I
only play one on TV. Their kid was sick and they gave him the medicine from my ad. Then they
were angry with me when the medicine didn’t work. What did they expect, when I said I was not
a real doctor right in the commercial? I need it by October because I got that part as a zombie
in The Walking Dead and I really don’t want to take the chance of them blowing my brains out.

Steven

I read a chapter of the self-help book, then the entirety of _Fear and
Loathing in Las Vegas_. It’s a potent combination: 12-step uppers
with sentence fragment gonzo hallucinogens.

The arthritis pains come with the first real snows, beautiful stabbing
aches as white flakes. Pain induced insomnia turns everything into
buzzing noise. I read another self help chapter, and see myself, my
patterns in the book. Then I mainline British science fiction.

Is love always portrayed as codependence?

I watch Fight Club again instead of staring at her picture.

I wonder if self-medication always feels like this.

Danny

Once upon a time, playing doctor as a child was innocent enough. You show me yours, I’ll show you mine. A child’s innocent curiosity is satisfied, too young to understand the meaning of sex, or the harm of having an innocent question answered. Fast forward to today. Children who dare play doctor today can look forward to a small army of state workers removing them from their homes, placing their parents in jail, putting them through counseling, and labeling them sexual predators for the rest of their lives, as if they are adults preying on children. Our age of innocence is over.

Jeffrey

“The term practice has never really instilled any confidence you know doc?”
“Jake, you are not going to go all fraidy-cat on me now are you?”
“I’m just saying.”
“Alright then, just sit here in the chair, and I will tighten the straps.”
“Are you sure you have to strap me down.”
“I don’t want you to accidentally move and have something go wrong.”
“‘I guess that make sense. Doc, how many times have you done this?”
“Oh many.” He flipped the switch, Jake twitched, once and started to smoke. “Maybe I should’ve told him I was just playing doctor.”

Justin

Christopher and Pip sat at the table, looking bored.

Christopher sat up with an idea.

“Let’s play Doctor!”

“OK, what do we do?”

“Come on, into this fort I built.”

“Since when do Doctors have forts?”

“Well, it’s a fort, but pretend it’s the Doctor’s home. It’s kind of a fort.”

“Why would I go to the doctor’s home and not his office?”

“What? He has an office? I never saw one. Here’s his gear. What time should we go?”

“Go where, and what’s this stuff? Why are there headphones on this screwdriver?”

“That’s his sonic screwdriver. It does everything!”

TJ

It had to be ironic on some level. Laramie, backstage, snogging with
Deedee Feetch while understudying for Doc Feetch in the lead role of the
community theater production of “Playing Doctor.” Doc Feetch was
called away on a fake emergency Laramie had called into the hospital
across town. So… Laramie was taking a break from playing a fake doctor
in “Playing Doctor” for a real doctor so as to play doctor with the
doctor’s wife while the real doctor was off playing doctor somewhere
on a doctored call… when an audience member fainted. Is there a doctor
in the house?

Norval Joe

All Marcus ever wanted was to help people.
As a child he was always playing doctor.
He lived in a poor, crowded neighborhood, so the imaginary illness were often obscure and complex.
He joined a make-believe Independent Provider’s Network to compete with the HMO’s, but reimbursements were so low it was difficult to pay off his student loans.
After a failed plastic surgery he had to pay Joey Swartz a weeks worth of lunch money to avoid a lawsuit.
When he graduated college he became a lobbyist for a drug company, the only way to make money in medicine anymore.

Planet Z

I live in a small town.

We’re all close. Real close.

At the end of the year, we put on a show.

This year, I’m the sheriff.

Sheriff’s playing the judge.

Judge’s playing the doctor.

Doc’s playing Postman Joe.

Everybody’s a part of it, playin’ everybody else.

Ain’t nobody in the audience but cameras.

(I told you I live in a small town.)

When we’re done, we turn off the cameras, put the tapes in the players, and watch ourselves bein’ each other.

If we haven’t had a fight durin’ the play, well, this is when the claws come out.



And here’s my entry for Steven’s contest:

motivator03fccaf2f71eca9006433f6e6e7b4dad7f5e0fd1

Weekly Challenge #241 – “It seemed like a good idea at the time…”

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Forty-One, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was It seemed like a good idea at the time…!

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

[polldaddy poll=4198944]

And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.


Craig

What these “nut bin” clowns don’t know, is that I am close to befriending a telekinetic embodiment of Christ, in the ward and very near my escape. Tranny-psychopath left an archipelago of revolting milky stains on my bed during recreation group. Endure this…refocus on laundry cart.

Psychiatric meds are inflicting torpidity in all of us inmates; even the geniuses sleep. Spattered feces in the halls…. Holy shit; perverted apes must be getting ready to prey on me. I’m scared… no security on shift except nurses.

Concealed, in the laundry cart ­­­– I deserted Jesus and escaped!

“Medication time… doctor? Doctor Yoon…?

Danny

Summer 1987, time for our annual college rafting trip. I’m introduced to a cute girl, I just had to impress her. Grabbing the rope of a homemade swing along the river’s edge, I jump from the height of a 3 story building. With a drought causing the river to be unusually low that year, I miss the water, instead smashing into the rocks of the river bank. My right leg, cleanly broken, all ligaments of my ankle, completely torn. All to impress a woman who married someone else less than 6 months later. Hey, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

AM Earley

“Listen,” Don said defensively, “We all know this marriage isn’t going to last six months.”

Kelly’s response was to grab the scruff of her cousin’s neck and forced him out of the hotel.

Wil looked at the other woman who was barring his and Don’s way. “Don’t bother calling the cops,” Darla stated. “They are already inside.” Wil looked in the ball room and confirmed five important members of the law inside.

As he picked up Don off the side walk, Wil didn’t question offering his services in divorce proceedings at a rehearsal dinner. He did wonder if he should have given his business card to the two mothers of the couple.

Jeffrey

After all what is wrong with a little D and D game. I mean we
all love it, and who wouldn’t, the roll of the dice, the hit
counts, the nine grown men all with duct-tape on some part of
their attire. It was a great time until the screaming
started, and the midwife sent the rest of them home. How was
I to know that she was a level 11 dungeon master. Now the
guys say they don’t want to play at our house any more. But
the midwife invited us to her place, so it all worked out.

Tom

When I was young I heard tell of a cowboy who took off all his clothes ran head long into a cactus patch. Upon extraction he was asked why on earth he did it. His replied “It seemed like a good idea at the time.” Last summer my oldest friend from high school was diagnose with a critical heart condition. His resolution to this was a walk down the railroad tracks and waited for an on coming freight. At the wake the family wonder why. I said “It must have seemed like a good idea at the time” Silence ensued.

Steven

I stop typing when Bob’s fetid breath flows into my cubicle. “Write
the good idea episode.”

“Huh?”

“Write where his companion says it seemed like a good idea to
gallavant across time and space in a telephone booth – but they miss
their regular boring day job and regular boring life.”

“Already?”

Bob nods. “There’s discontent. People are starting to want more from
their lives. Time for their hero to say that regular boring lives
are… important.”

“Time for him to lie again.”

“Exactly. Allonz-y!”

“On whose authority?”

A pepperpot’s shadow slides past my door.

“The highest authority. The highest.”

Zackmann

We thought cashing in on the Snowman Offsets was a good way too get rich. Hiring farmers
in winter to make snowman when they couldn’t work in the fields, Great Idea. At least until
someone discovered Snowmancromancy and used the snowmen to take over the world. Okay
just the northern states and Canada. One day the snowmen became self aware and stopped
taking orders. Snowmen put us in this igloo prison. We are hoping escape will be aided by an
early spring. After escaping, we could go inside Leavenworth for our crimes but at least we
would be warm.

TJ 1

On the plus side, it had quieted them down immensely.

Four fussy kids packed up on a cross-country car trip quickly got on
their dad’s nerves, and by day three his nerves were clinically
jangled.

So it’s easy to see the logic of dropping them in a safe place while
he and his wife stepped across the way for a quiet, sophisicated meal in
an upscale restaurant.

By and by, that silence became deafening. They hurried across to
discover that, as it turns out, four kids playing hide-and-seek can hide
themselves pretty darn well in the Museum of Natural History.

TJ 2

Bread in the ficus. Nearly a week’s worth of damp newspaper, and a few
half-filled spray bottles and water pistols. Rice crunching everywhere.
Noisemakers scattered among discarded clothing and — perhaps most
disturbingly — a black corset dangling from the chandelier.

Fortescue regretted their staging a local production of “Rocky Horror
Picture Show” as a fundraiser for the opera house — not to mention,
volunteering the Opera House. “Think of the fun! Think of the irony!”
he’d said.

Now all he could think of was the gallons of Febreeze, and the priest
he’d probably have to call in to exorcize it.

DJ

His toes gripped the smooth vine as he squeezed through the tunnel into the Temple. The priest waited at the entrance to the Alter; they bobbed to each other, dewlaps inflating in mutual respect.

He entered the impenetrable darkness.

There was a flash.

He found himself on a bony claw. Glancing back, he saw a black-hooded skull and froze in panic — but it only nodded and gently flicked its hand. He spread his wings to steady himself.

He had wings! Death forgotten, he launched into the air. He laughed, and a gout of flame burst from his mouth….

Norval Joe

The wind was cool and comforting as it blew across his sweaty forehead and through his golden curls.
Everyone had said as he grew, his chubby red cheeks made his face cherubic. Wings would be handy, right then, as he clung to the steeple at the top of the skyscraper.
People milled about, hundreds of yards below, on the street, unaware the masked crime fighter spied from above.
A gang of criminals broke the window of a jewelry store, grabbed as many diamond necklaces as they could hold and ran off.
Too high above help, Flypaper man could only watch.

Planet Z

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

A new fuel source that was rich in energy, cheap to produce, and portable.

What could possibly go wrong?

The world quickly adopted it, and technology advanced by leaps and bounds.

But after a while, what was marketed as a perfect solution turned out to be dangerous to the environment and increasingly expensive to produce.

Still, in the face of cleaner and renewable alternatives, humans refused to give up their oil economies.

War, famine, and death spread across the globe, and the few hardy survivors cursed their greedy and shortsighted ancestors.

Weekly Challenge #240 – “Holiday”

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Forty, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was Holiday!

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

[polldaddy poll=4160663]

And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.


Zackmann

The hog looked scared. He had a that horrified and appalled look in his eyes like a person
reading a sick horror novel gets. I think he knows what the presidential pardon meant for him.
No one would pardon him and he was innocent of everything. You think that politicians would
have more respect for his kind but no they always want to cut their pork or put lipstick on them.
The hog knew when the president pardoned those stupid useless turkey, it was his hammy ass
on the line.
What do you think they where going to serve, eggplant?

My least favorite holiday is a celebration of treating people like cattle in a line to the slaughter
mixed with some bait and switch. It celibates commercialism at its worst.
It starts with the decorative paper mailed out to the unsuspecting public with the lies of cheap
electronic devices that conveniently won’t be in the stores, then tricking otherwise intelligent
people to stand in line for what seems like forever and finally the merchants chanting their
condolences of “Sorry, we have none in the back”. It happens every year with few wise enough
to stay home on Black Friday.

AM Earley

General stores with Christmas starting in July – bad. Specialty stores for holiday décor all year round – good. With this in mind we present to you:

Happy Everything.

In addition to the regular one holiday each décor, we provide cross décor. This is especially great when you don’t have time to change décor each month. We have shamrock valentines, Easter bunnies carrying jack-o-lanterns, and fireworks for every cultures’ New Years and nations’ Independence Days. Our spinning trees have fours sides of decor so you can have a different side facing the window each season. And our resin “Happy Everything” statue can stay outside all year long and represent everything.

Come on in we’ll show you.

Tom

My first truly adult job was during the holiday season of 1970. They needed extra check out clerks at the locale E. J. Korvetts. The garden/ hardware department had three cash registers stations. The last station was literally the last station in the department chain. It spent all but 2 weeks under a gray velt cover thus it was shinny and new but more important it ran smoothly and didn’t jab up. Night Floor mangers hated this station. It had the only cash draw with a three key lock. That meant three mangers had to be present at closing time.

Katwood

I love spending the holidays with my family. We all gather at my house, needing a few tables lined up end to end to fit everyone. The friendly fights over food, the good natured teasing and tormenting and then the after dinner activities. (Snowball fights if it’s cold enough, paintball wars if it’s not) The real fun, however, is preparing the food. We all work in concert to get it done on time, making sure everything is at its best. We do always have to make sure that we get all of the bullet fragments out of the meat, though.

Danny

The Holidays. Time for the only prodigal son to return home to his elderly parents, married for 62 years, something you often don’t see in this day and age. Time to reflect. Despite the failed business, the pending foreclosure, the persistent health problems, the uncertainty of my future, what do I have to be grateful for? To be able to sit down and have dinner with my parents over the holidays, to share great times together, along with my Maltese, Danny, the real Dwyer, life isn’t so bad. It carries on, despite the hardships, I’m damn lucky to be alive.

Steven

“How do you decide which direction to pray?”

Abdul shrugged, floating in the starship cabin. “Towards Earth.
Close enough, I guess.” He rolled up his mat and looked at Joseph.
“How do you decide when it’s the Sabbath? Do you use Greenwich Mean
Time?”

Joseph laughed at his station. “Of course not. You use Jerusalem time.”

Mary looked over her shoulder. “Both of you hush. It’s Christmas today.”

The men glanced at each other, then her. “Relativistic time
distortion,” they said together.

The ship dropped out of FTL. Earth shone before them.

“You’re all wrong,” Sarah said. “It’s Homecoming Day.”

TJ

The six bowls of chocolate pudding sat covered on the windowsill. The
children dusted the Highest Places They Could Reach while the ceremonial
chicken chow mein was prepared and ladled over rice. As they ate, they
recounted their favorite memories of the past year, which mom would
include in the Christmas letter. Then the pudding was eaten during the
traditional watching of “The Princess Bride,” after which dad headed
out and fired up the snow blower.

Yes, the First Blizzard of the Year was irritating in other ways, but
Sarah’s family had found a way to make it a holiday.

Norval Joe

My grand mum from England lived with our family when I was growing up. She had a lot of unusual expression she liked to use. Some were embarassing, like the one, “Keep your pecker up” that somehow actually ment “Keep smiling.”
She used one expression when she would rearange the furniture, which seemed to happen way too often. She would say “A change is as good as a holiday.”
She didn’t mean a holiday like Christmas. She called a vacation, like visiting second cousins in Bakersfield, a holiday.
Best Holiday we ever had was when she moved back to England.

Planet Z

The Museum hired me to collect concert and theater footage.

They send me back in time to record the greats before they were great, or who came before recording was possible.

Lilian Russell on Broadway.
Mozart in Vienna.
Shakespeare at The Globe.

I’ve seen them all.

And, so have you.

Every now and then, I get to pick my assignments.

Jesus and Caesar are still beyond our reach for the moment, but Henry Clay’s orations are not to be missed.

And then, an evening in the Cabaret with Billie Holiday.

Lady sings the blues, and I ride the chronostream again.

Weekly Challenge #239 “Day Job”

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Thirty-Nine, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was Day Job!

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

[polldaddy poll=4122760]


Tony

My eyes have become bloodshot staring at this living puzzle. Shift a room a couple of inches and the user’s psychological state shifts too. Enclose a space too much and the boss gets offended. Open it up and there’s a looming Orwellian/Hawthorne effect. Jesus, this office is too small to be driving me this crazy!

At least I don’t design homes. If a closet were too deep, the bathroom might not have a bath. Expand the size of the bathroom, and you’d shrink the living room. Or kitchen. Or bedroom!

I’d be too nervous to make changes. Way too nervous

Tom

My day job is playing Dr. Frank-N-Furter in a Furbee bar in mythic Connecticut. A happy tree friends version of Rocky Horror Picture Show. It’s really hot, not sexual, its damn toasty wearing a corset over a chimmunck suit. I truly believe the two greatest words in the English language are “Musical Theater” It’s a bit of a drag that the pay doesn’t quite meet the bills. Thank god for my night job in The City. Senior Account for Goldman Sack lets me channel that wild and untamed thing. Don’t feel it be it. Just be it and steel it

Zackmann

Say that employment office you sent me to isn’t a job office anymore. It has been massage
parlor for over two weeks now. When the clerk asked me why I was there she wasn’t really
listening. I said I was looking for a day job since I am a writer and everyone who reads my work
tells me to keep my day job. Yes, it was one of those massage parlors. Of course I enjoyed it
but I would have really liked to have had a massage. She said “Hey, Writer Guy come back for
the Happy Ending”.

AM Earley

Claire really liked her day job. Oh sure she had to make her deliveries between midnight and eight o’clock, but she saw more morning hours than office workers.

She was liked so much, that one of her clients requested that only she delivered to them. Even over the guys who have been there for decades. She finally asked the scientist who always received that cargo why they preferred her.

“The live specimens always arrived calm when it is you driving.”

“Well,” Claire thought, “if they are calm enough that I’ve never known they were alive, I’m going to continue singing every song in my I-pod.”

Steven the Nuclear Man

I guess it sounds easy. Maybe even fun. But it’s not. I can’t do
the simplest chores – fill out your check BEFORE the cashier’s done,
you douchebag!

I’m always busy. Hey – you! You park like a douche!

And I have to explain my job – no, ma’am, it’s not sexist because
douching was developed by our patriarchal culture. Douches aren’t
healthy for women.

Some days, I wish I could just make widgets all day.

“Quit bitching about your job! You’re a douche!”

You’re a douche!

At least I have job security.

TJ

Frank made a donut. Jen grabbed it on her way to the office, where she
designed a luggage rack on a 4×4. Mark dropped some mail off at her
workstation and turned up his headphones. He was listening to Wendy
argue with Bill on the radio, powered by a wind turbine designed by
Annie and built by Warren, which Rachel had negotiated the easement for
on Harold’s farm. Harold reworked his wheat field to accommodate it
and Jake took his harvest into town. Jane milled his flour and bagged up
some of it for Frank, who made … another donut.

Norval Joe

The masked crime fighter crouched atop the bank in the moonless dark.
He watched the bank robbers back thier unmarked van up to the glass doors of the entrance.
By day, he was an unassuming Pest Control Agent.
As the would be criminals gathered and placed the explosive charge on the door, he dropped lightly onto one of them and clung tightly. One by one, the remaining three tried to pull Flypaper Man from their accomplice and joined him in his sticky fate.
Eventually a policeman arrested the clump of men and carefully peeled each criminal from the super hero.

Katwood

Most people were relieved when the governments crawled out of their bunkers and reclaimed the world. Not me. While the governments planned and strategized, I grew up in a world where fighting zombies was a given. Now, there are “too many” zombie hunters. All the agencies say they can only have “mentally stable” people in their employment. Stability doesn’t matter, killing zombies matters. I can kill more zombies in a day than those buffoons could in a week. Yet I’m stuck taking out the trash as a day job, only being able to kill zombies in my off hours. Idiots.

Planet Z

My day job was to keep the world from blowing up.

I managed the antimatter flow at New Edison Power.

The plasma ducts vibrated in unusual harmonies, and I recorded them.

My night job is with the radio station.

You’ve heard of The Doctor Power Hour?

I’m Doctor Power.

I mix my recordings, weaving the whistles of release valves and other generator sounds into trance music.

The audience grew quickly, and I started doing weekend concerts to hundreds… thousands…

Instead of keeping it safe, I tuned the Generator for music.

It exploded.

Oh well. I still have my night gig.

Weekly Challenge #238 – Potato Peels

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Thirty-Eight, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was… was…. um…
It’s Potato Peels!
VOTING

Which were the best stories this week?
Steven
Tom
Zackmann
Katwood
Danny
TJ
Norval Joe
Planet Z
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):


Steven

“We will find a way out of this. I promise.”
She slapped my hand away from her face. “How stupid do you think I
am? There’s only a hundred words in this story. Then we’re gone.
Forever.”
I looked around the sparsely-described kitchen, desperate for a way
out. My gaze landed on the bucket of potato peels Ma had left.
“That’s it!” I kissed Sally.
“What are you doing?”
“Remember when Ma had you peel potatoes? The thin peels would fill up
twice as many baskets, right?” I held the sharp peeler up to the
words. “Let’s get started.”

Tom

I uses to operate the missile systems on a X1 tank Could drop one of those puppies through a NBA hoop no net. So why you might ask am I sitting next to a mountain of potato peels of my own making? In a word: Willie. General Jack Rippers prize Jack Russell Well it use to be his prize Jack Russell. Who’ve guessed that a X1 heat seeking missile could’ve profiled a dog and Frisbee as a Russian with antitank rocket. When I pointed out the we needed an anti-dog over ride is the moment I got my new job.

Zackmann

Peelings, nothing more that peelings
trying to forget those peelings of spuds
Memories of French fries, scallops, and hash browns
she cooked but never shared with me
potatoes cooked by my love.
woe woe woe peelings
in the mulch pile becoming nutrition for the garden I love.
woe woe Peelings like my galley duty never ended
Peeling those spuds
Teardrops like I was cutting onions
because I cut my finger peeling those spuds
feeling like you never cook for me
feeling like I wish you never put me and a low card diet
but made me keep peeling those spuds.

Katwood

I’ve been peeling potatoes for months, years, I don’t know. I lost track long ago. It’s hard to remember a time when I wasn’t peeling. They’re everywhere, the peels. I can’t stand them. I once had a bin for them, but that’s buried somewhere in this mess of peelings. I peel and peel and peel, but there are never any less potatoes, only a growing sea of peels. Am I supposed to drown in them? I don’t know. I do know that I need to get out. The potatoes have to come from somewhere. I just have to find it.

Danny

Potato peels, the best part of the potato. Most full of nutrients, the peel is the only part of the potato that interacts with the soil, absorbing all the nutrients as the potato grows, making it the best tasting part of the potato. Fried, baked, or roasted, the peel is the most discarded part of the potato. A total waste. Ever notice the best mashed potato’s have the peels within it? Please, cherish your potato peals, spare them from the landfills whose space we need for our discarded alkaline batteries.

TJ

When you see potato peelings in the Great Pyramid, you don’t
immediately think, “It worked!” and that the great king Cheops
sprang to life and began peeling potatoes for his feast of the
afterlife. You assume a shepherd sheltered from the heat and grabbed
himself a snack. And in very nearly every other instance you’d be
right. However, when the guide, Denali, encountered a fortunate rat
nibbling on a fresh rind, his attention was drawn away from the bandaged
figure looming behind him … long enough for him to extend a bony
finger and drain him of his life force.

Norval Joe

“We have ways of making you talk,” the criminal mastermind said.
The agent silently sneered back at his captor, and shook his head.
The bald man laughed, “You’re all so brave when we start, but we’ve broken all of your predecessors before you.
“Agent X we soaked in olive oil until the truth slipped out of him. Agent M we buried in potato peels until he begged for mercy. I don’t think you will be so strong,” he said and turned on the TV.
“We have “The Wiggles” on an endless video loop. Call me when you’re ready to talk.”

Planet Z

Thanksgiving is right around the corner, so it’s time to grocery shop.
We both like turkey, gravy, stuffing, and cranberry sauce.
But when it comes to the mashed potatoes, we have our disagreements.
I like to leave the potato peels on when boiling the potatoes.
She doesn’t like the peels.
I like to add rosemary and roasted garlic. Adds a little aroma to the meal.
She doesn’t like them. Just adds butter and milk before blending everything up into the white gloppy mush.
So, instead of arguing, we make two batches of mashed potatoes.
Sadly, both gave us food poisoning.

Weekly Challenge #237 – Penguins

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Thirty-Seven, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was… was…. um…
It’s Penguins!
VOTING

Which were the best stories this week?
Tom
AM Earley
Steven
Katwood
Zackmann
Danny
Ted
Mrs. Abe
TJ
Norval Joe
Planet Z
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):


Tom

His black coat glisten in the sun. Black pear eyes glared at the Anaheim studio. As he dropped the violin case it rotated and he flipped the clasps. Out popped the min Uzi “Say hello to my little friend” yell the penguin. A hail of bullets dropped a dozen Disney execs. They crumple like autumn leaves in a Osterizer. From under a desk someone cried “Why?”
“You stole my life story so dance bastard” He peppered the floor will bullets. Up popped the CEO in the middle of a buck and wing the penguin dropped him
Happy feet my ass

AM Earley

My home has become a black, white, and pink warzone. I’m outnumbered six to one, even the dogs are females. If I am not going to loose my home when puberty comes around I need to make allies – quick.
Fortunately, my three daughters are obsessed with only penguins and princesses. Movies, Plushies, toys, everything.
So I gave my oldest all my old Batman comics, starting with the ones featuring Penguin.
I made my middle one is a sports nut. Guess which hockey team is her favorite?
The last one is the challenge. How do I connect with a toddler convinced penguins are perfect ballerinas?
Earley Midnight Production & Design
Life is our Art
Searching for a Medium

Steven

?She doesn’t know what to make of me. “You’re a long way from home.”
I waddle closer. The male with her frowns. “Don’t polar bears eat
them things?”
She leans over and smiles at me. “They live by the South Pole.
Didn’t you pay any attention to the movie?”
He grunts and tries to kick me. I waddle to the side and peck her
ankle. She screams as I dive into the bushes.
Next month, in the full moon’s light, I will meet my werepenguin
bride. We will hunt the man.
And he will feed our chicks all winter long.

Katwood

There comes a time in every young penguin’s life when they must venture out from the colony and see the world. For Pengy, this time had come. After packing his things and saying good bye to his friends and family, he left for his travels. During his adventures, he encounters numerous strange and interesting creatures, many of which become his lifelong friends and allies, and…
“No,” the boss said, “Why bother even trying to write for a kids’ game? Go get the license to something that’s currently popular and use one of the templates instead. Those brats’ll still buy it.”

Zackmann

Isn’t it weird how those animal rights activists “rescued” us from that horrible place that we had
trained the people to feed us?
Although I enjoyed being waited on hand and foot by those zoo keepers, all safe from hunters
and predators, this adventure has been fun. I have never been on a ship before since I was
born in the zoo.
Does it snow in the Galapagos Islands where the zoo keepers said we came form? All this cold
and snow I don’t think we can survive here. Some penguins don’t belong near the South Pole.

Danny

After the loud explosion, the two Penguins spent what seemed like months stuck in the same cage. Luckily, the food and water was plentiful, no need to eat each other. Fortunately one day, without warning, the door to the cage opened, and the penguins emerged from their prison, breathing the fresh air of freedom for the first time. The air smelled strange, like death. The buildings were destroyed, the streets were in decay. Humanity had finally destroyed itself. Then, one penquin turned to the other, and asked, “What’s the point of this?”

Ted

It’s our fault Antarctica University closed down.
Some of us kappas got drunk and decided to eat a giant penguin.
A terrible scandal ensued. The President apologized to the U.N., called us barbarians.
The papers asked how it tasted. We told them the truth: the outside was tough, fibrous, hard to cut through, but inside, my God, the flesh was so tender and succulent, though the meat and organs were surprisingly small for such a large animal.
“It doesn’t make any sense,” Brian added, “we don’t even have any sports teams! What was Dean Wilson doing in a mascot costume?”

Mrs. Abe

The penguins huddle together, soaked with sweat and urine, smothered under the dark musty blanket.
Suddenly they are seized, plunged into freezing water, and beaten savagely over and over again. Red liquid fills the chamber.
Eventually the beating stops, but they are soon shoved into the hotbox. Scorching blasts of air singe them as they tumble against each other, groggy from the heat and queasy from the motion.
Finally, barbarically, they are turned inside out and left to hang outside–wet and swaying gently in the winter breeze.
Yep, it ain’t easy being penguins on a kid’s red flannel pajamas.

TJ

When zoos invented warm-water penguins so people in the rest of the
world could enjoy them, they flourished in the temperate climates and
lack of natural enemies. They quickly became too numerous and the zoos
made them available for pets. This was awesome. I got one of the first
penguins. I named her Penny. She waddles around and floops into the tub
when she needs a swim. She can get into the tub just fine on the ramp I
made her but she’s sort of … penguin-shaped, so she needs, like, a
boost to get out again. Penguins are AWESOME!

Norval Joe

“How can someone be claustrophobic and aggorophobic at the same time,” Oswaldo asked.
“I don’t know,” Bertram said, “but just look at him. He’s a quivering mass of black and white feathers. One moment he’s hot and bothered because everyone’s standing too close around him. So we all move away to give him space and he’s flapping about and squaking like he’s about to lay an egg.”
“Do you think that’s how he stays so slim?” Oswaldo asked, “all that nervous energy?”
“No,” Bertram fluffed his feathers and said, “he just doesn’t eat much. They says he’s hydrophobic as well.”

Planet Z

The phone won’t stop ringing.
I don’t want to answer it.
I can’t answer it.
I don’t have caller ID, but I know who it is.
Or… what it is.
It’s that damned penguin.
I was at the zoo, I was watching the penguins swim around in the tank.
I was using my cell phone to record a movie of them.
That’s when someone bumped me from behind.
And I dropped my cell phone into the tank.
They must have dried it out or something.
What? It’s someone from the zoo calling?
No. It’s those penguins.
I’m sure of it.

Weekly Challenge #236 – Halloween

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Thirty-Six, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was… was…. um…
It’s Halloween!


Remember to post Rossotron as a separate story
ANONYMOUS
Always the same, black and orange. Always that nasty color combination
for Halloween. I presume it is a mixture of the traditional vampire
colors of black and red and the fall color of orange pumpkins. The
witches so often portrayed are black magic witches, so I guess that
makes sense; and black cats wouldn’t be the same as ginger
tabbies. But why must everything else be black and orange? When does
violet get its turn? What about all this ‘go green’ we
hear about? Wouldn’t purple witches and green pumpkins be
grand? Or is that just the Irish in me?
NORVAL JOE
Groups of kids rushed up the walkway to the door and hurried off to
the next house as two costumned boys lurched from the street to the
porch. “Trickertreet,” the taller of the two said as a woman opened
the door. “My,” the woman exclaimed cheerfully, “Who do we have here?”
The taller spoke again as he held out a plastic pumpkin, “I’m Igor,
Dr. Frankenstein’s assistant. My brother is Super Man, but he can’t
talk. He has cerebral palsy.” He helped his brother hold his bag out
to the woman. “Thank you,” he said as the two lurched away.
STEVEN
Sit down. I don’t care if you have fangs, or claws, or fur where you
shouldn’t. Sit down. Have some milk. I imagine this isn’t the response
you expected. Cookie? Sorry, I don’t have any raw childflesh. Would it
make you feel better if I screamed? I’m not going to. You don’t scare
me, Mister Monster-Man. There’s this girl, Sally. I like her, but
she’s way cooler than me. So I sent her a card saying how I feel. I
got a letter back. I haven’t opened it. I’m more scared of what’s
inside than I am of you.
TOM
Lenny what do you want to be for Halloween?” asked Mother. “A ghost,”
smiled Lenny. Mom got out her pinking shears and carefully cut two eye
sized holes in a old pillow case and gently dropped the costume over
Lenny’s head. “Time to go,” said Georgia. “Trick or Treat,”
cried Lenny. Mrs. Specter put a candy bunny in his plastic pumpkin. He
trotted back to show her. Lenny had been a ghost since he was six, saw
no need in changing now. Mom had saved each pillow case in the attic.
There were 57. “Tell me about the rabbits mom.”
KATWOOD
The zombie invasion started on Halloween, but nobody noticed for a
week. Everyone just thought it was a well co-ordinated prank,
especially the news. However, anyone who ran into these
�pranksters� quickly learned otherwise. It wasn�t
until the 4th that people realized that there were too many
�pranksters� for this to be a joke. I�m a little
paranoid, and so was wary of all this from the start. That�s
why I�m still alive. But this virus is too perfect, too
consistently fatal and too quick to appear to be natural. So, who
knows? Maybe it was a prank after all.
ZACKMANN
Yes grandma, I did have to bring the children in their costumes. After
what the wife and I sent on the materials for those they will wear
them all day and to a local Con. No grandma Anime cartoon convention.
I stopped buying anything from Guido years ago. No grandma the this
cake is not a lie and glad you are enjoying the Xbox. My wife thought
you would never use it. Happy Halloween. Happy birthday. I know you
never liked the coincidence but at least the children will remember
your birthday. It could be worse it could be Christmas.
EARLEY
Little Mario skipped past the Haunted Mansion, Hall of Presidents, and
the Liberty Bell. At the boat dock is a barrel of candy and a cast
member with a smile. After the candy is in his bag, she ask Mario,
�Where are your parents?� The three year old plumber
spins around and begins sobbing in the cast member�s colonial
dress. Thankfully she can see above the crowds. Princess Peach sighs,
adjusting Yoshi on her hip. Luigi makes eye contact with the cast
member and presses a finger to his lips. What is Halloween without a
�little� scare? Maybe Mario won�t leave
Luigi�s side again.
TED
They conquered Earth three years ago. The aliens demand revenge, but
how could we have known? The first December, they somehow learned
about Christmas. They made us stand in their living rooms for days on
end; presents at our feet for their conical green children. Those who
collapsed were executed. Last March they glued our hands to their
windows while they held a parade and drank green beer from cups held
in their clover-shaped appendages. Most of us survived. But now
we�re terrified. It�s early October and we see them
huddling their orange, pumpkin-shaped heads together and sharpening
their knives.
MRS. ABE
They boiled him. They sliced him. They chopped him into little pieces.
They grated his skin and rubbed salt into his wounds: pickling him in
his own juices. They kept his head in the freezer. They locked him in
the cellar and ate him piece by piece. They stir-fried him. They baked
him. They roasted him. And when they were done, the monsters threw his
decomposing corpse in the garbage like common trash. But one day a
year, just one, at the end of October, when he saw what happened to
the pumpkins, Sylvester was happy to be a cabbage.
ROSSOTRON
George loathed Halloween. He planned to lay low while the neighborhood
kids made their rounds, begging treats from strange adults. “WAAAAH!”
he screamed, spying the man in the corner. Floating. Above the ground.
“Friendly neighborhood poltergeist here,” the apparition moaned. “I’m
supposed to give you a heads’ up about the new Participation Law. Any
folks that don’t hand out candy get haunted until next Halloween.” As
George shuffled down the candy aisle, a young man caught his eye.
“It’s gotta be a trick, right?” George shrugged, and sighed. He was
NOT looking forward to the Easter Bunny’s visit next spring.
TJ
There�s a reason we don�t hold Election Day on
Halloween. We could send the candidates around trick or treating and
the ones with the most candy could be declared the winner. But the
fact that they could cheat and sneak entire bags of Mounds bars into
their treat bags suggests we ought to maintain the current system
� you know, terrifying political ads, mobs of angry voters,
mysterious ballot boxes that disappear into the night, letting the
dead come back to life to vote, the scary candidates themselves
� come to think of it, maybe we should hold elections on
Halloween.
PLANET Z
It’s Halloween, sitting with a bowl of candy on my doorstep. I
remember when I was a kid, dressed up, begging for candy. What
happened? When did childhood end? When I first got laid? When I got
out of school? When I got a job? No. None of those. My parole officer
said: You ain’t an adult until you go to trial as one. I cross my
legs, try to hide the ankle monitor. More kids walk by, see the sign
on the window, and keep walking. Oh well. More candy for me. And the
three kids in my basement.