Category: Tom

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I got a new goal. A major university offers a course in late Marquette literature. To be up there with the big boys like George Sands. That would be grand. I tried making an offer to Marquette University but the Jesuits pointed out the nepotistic conflict. Oxford was in the running, but in the end Georgetown won. I put 6 million dollars in a blind account BAM I’m in the catalog. Oh its been many years since that first course they now have a Marquette chair at Georgetown and Oxford sends a guest lecturer to debate the merit of pictures.

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When I write I like to put at least one word with the letter Q on the page. Word disruptions in English writing dictates that occurrence. I think it is my duty to help that process along. I am very fond of the letter Q. I have one in my name so I have developed a close affinity to everything Qness and am always on the look out for Q everywhere. I have a small house in city with a Q on an island with a Q. I was raise on Ave Q not the play the street in Washington.

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I like fragments. I think they show good faith in your reader to maintain a trail of thought. Does every thought contain an action? Personally I think a state of being verb is rubbish. Just leave it out people know what your saying. And as for those bibliophile grammatical effete finger wagers I got a second amendment solution for you. And while we’re on the subject I’m getting way bent every time the spell check throws up a squiggle green line and points out my words are a fragment. Bit me grammar check and the dictionary you rode in on.

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Is bad sex better then a good book? That’s a stupid question. I bet you don’t get out much. Mother still choosing your clothes for the day. Think about it sex —- books, that’s like debating whose stronger superman or might mouse. Or who is funnier Donald duck or Duffy duck. Neapolitan ice cream or rocky road. Post deconstruction angst or Victorian sensibility You could say its in the eye of the beholder, different strokes for different folks. But my Greek chores will always go with sex over a book any day of the week. Unless, does it have pictures?

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I write to make my mom happy. Well that’s not quiet right. I write to hear my mom say “ That’s nice.” There is no better feeling in the world then hearing those words. Pure acceptance. I don’t write for my dad he does much care for reading. I think its the metal plate in his head it picks up random radio stations. He still says “That’s nice” when the station signs off for the night, but I don’t believe him. One day I’ll write for myself, but for now parental acceptance is enough weather it is sincere or not.

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surprisingly the common thread is North Dakota

I have finished it. It is done. It is the first prefect 100-word story. I showed it to my College professor. He wept. I sent it to a prestigious British publishing house. They wept. When it ended up on the pope’s night table and he wept I knew I had arrived. What do I do now? Life is no longer bright and full of endless possibilities. It’s merely gray and formless. I am goalless and unfulfilled. I could move on to 200 word stories, but what’s the point. So I sit in a chair on the porch watch the cats.

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What’s your favorite book? Mine is Frog goes to Dinner. I like it because it gots a lot of pictures. How can anyone write a book that does have a lot of pictures? Boring. I guess that’s why people fall asleep while reading. My second favorite book is the Gray’s Anatomy Coloring book. I get to use all my crayons. When I used my crayons on that Gutenberg bible they stop letting me go to the library. Oh ya why is Frog my favorite story. It doesn’t have any words, you got to make the story up on your own.

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To be a successful author you got to stay relatively fit. That is why I have taken to running with a typewriter. Got this 50 pound Royal with glass windows in the side. In six week I’ve got up to 50 feet. Its not the distance it’s the white light of pain that shoots through your spine and those headaches that make you want to punk. And the benefits of a good work out. I’ve added ankle and wrist weights, its cut the distance to 10 feet, but I’m pacing myself. My goal is a IBM 360 on stadium bleachers

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I’ve got a secret. Promise not to tell, cross your heart, hope to die, stick a needle in your eye. I’m dyslexic. And not just screwed up with letters I got the number thing also. Probably the most trying thing about writing 100 word stories and having dyslexia is I tended to drop prefixes. The eds, the letter s, words that need an ing, My first draft (sometime my 8th) look like they were written by a Lithuanian plumber. Sorry to any Lithuanian plumber listening today I bet your grammatical structure is exemplary.

The other hassle is counting to 100.