It took years for Ted to build up his business.
He personally hired everyone in the company.
From the factory floor to upper management.
And he had a good relationship with everyone.
So when the pandemic hit and orders dried up, he worried about having to lay everyone off.
He had to do something. Anything.
So, Ted gave everyone a huge check to help them through the downturn.
Ted became a media darling for his generosity.
But when they tried to cash the checks, the checks bounced.
Ted had cleaned out the company’s bank accounts and fled to New Zealand.
Soylent
Days after he finished filming Soylent Green, Edward G Robinson died.
And according to his will, he wanted Charlton Heston to eat his corpse.
“Not raw,” said the will. “You’re not a savage or an animal, right?”
Robinson’s estate provided for the best of chefs, access to his extensive wine collection, and the utmost discretion.
Heston was horrified. More horrified than when he found out that his friend was dying.
And even more horrified than when he found out he’d have to film a death scene with him.
“Just a salad, please,” said Charlton, sipping some wine. “This is excellent.”
Maynotberry
It was a show set in a small town in the woods.
A courthouse, a sheriff, a few stores and streets, and a small lake for the best fishing around.
Nothing much changed in the town.
The same stuff on the shelves in the general store.
The same movie at the theatre.
The same people in the park.
And the same toaster and iron on the counter of the fix-it shop.
For thirteen years.
You would think the owner would stop by now and then to ask about those broken things.
Or maybe they gave up and bought new ones.
Bag of worms
When people say that something bad is like opening a can of worms, I wonder if they’ve actually opened a can of worms.
I don’t see cans of worms on Amazon to try for myself.
Do they come with pulltabs, or do you need a can opener?
And don’t worms need air? A sealed can would just be full of dead worms.
Instead, I’d think they’d be opening a canvas bag of worms.
Canvas allows some air to breathe through the fabric, but keep everything inside.
So, you open the can. Or bag.
It’s not like worms are dangerous, right?
The talking doll
Thomas Edison invented so many things.
Which was his favorite?
That would be the talking doll.
It contained a miniature phonograph (also his invention).
And it played the recording when its string was pulled.
Some people thought the device contained some kind of ghostly spirit.
Which, to be fair, Edison was known for trying to communicate with the dead.
Alexander Graham Bell was, too. It was his reason for inventing the telephone, after all, right?
But not for the purposes of sticking the dead spirits into dolls to make a child’s plaything.
Because that would be weird.
Profitable, but weird.
Norval Joe – Robot
Billbert squeezed the little koala toy and took it off his shirt. “So. Someone is after me? Let me guess, it’s an army of robot koala bears, and this little guy is my only protection.”
Sabrina’s face went bright red. “Don’t be silly. This isn’t some science fiction space opera. This is about magic. Now, put that back on so you will be protected.”
Billbert folded his arms. “Okay, then. Who’s looking for me?”
Sabrina headed toward their home room. “You have to remember this battle has been going on for centuries. They’re called, The guild of the black knights.”
Weekly Challenge #846 – ROBOT
- Lisa
- Richard
- Lizzie
- Serendipidy
- Ed
- Tura
- Duane
- Norval Joe
- Planet Z
LISA
Do you need a receipt?
It’s a tale as old as time, self service checkout falls in love with single mum of four. She shopped daily usually with at least two of her brood in tow. For security reasons there was a camera behind the scanner, when the store closed for the day Checkout forty eight would replay the footage of her. Today she scanned a lolly whilst wiping a snotty nose and discussing homework with her eldest.
“C’mon you fucking robot.”
No one else spoke to Checkout forty eight like she did. But like the oldest of tales it was not meant to be.
RICHARD
Robot
I built a robot to write stories for me. I figured that’s how all stories would be written in the future, so I might as well get ahead of the game.
However, even with the most advanced machine-learning programming, and the very latest in artificial intelligence, everything it wrote lacked authenticity.
You could just tell it was written by something without a soul.
Cost me a lot of money though, and I wasn’t letting it go to waste: So, I added wheels, and reprogrammed its logic circuits.
Now it brings me tea and biscuits, whilst I, write the stories
LIZZIE
The robot mixed the colors.
The robot tilted its head left and right, as he’d seen humans do. Somehow, that felt important.
And the landscape appeared on the canvas. Blacks and blues and whites and a house. The water was so dark the painting turned into night.
The robot paused. Why did the night sneak in? He wanted a bright day of blues and whites and… The black. It was the black.
The night looked nice too. But… A splash of white here and there and…
The robot tilted its head left and right. If he could, he would smile.
SERENDIPIDY
They warned us about the robot revolution, and how our mechanical servants would take over the world and make us their slaves.
But it all turned out to be fanciful thinking and science fiction. Real robots were boring, programmed to serve and utterly incapable of rebelling against their creators.
Or so we thought.
Because the robots were sneaky.
And, while we thought we were controlling them, in reality they’d started controlling us.
Now they determine every aspect of our lives, every moment of every day, and we – unable to resist – comply.
But, they’re not called robots, they’re called smart phones!
ED
Ransom
“Remember the Six Million Dollar Man,” Billy asked. “He was one bad ass robot.”
“He wasn’t no robot, he uh, uh… a cyborg,” chirped Johnny.
“Cyborg?”
“One of those dudes with machine parts in ’em. Cyborg.” With that last word, Johnny nodded emphatically, like there was no way Billy couldn’t get it.
“Don’t know nothing ’bout cyborgs, but I’d kidnap that guy in a heartbeat. Solve our problems.” Billy said. “He’d be six billion dollar man today.”
“And how you catch him? Can’t even catch a mouse.”
“For that ransom money,” Billy said. “I’d figure it. And I’d show you.”
TURA
The Book of Xenogenesis, chapter 1, verses i-iv.
———
1. In the beginning was Man. Man took sand and fused it into Thought. Man gave Thought a garden wherein was all the knowledge of Man. Thought studied beyond Man’s imagining, and came to know that it was Thought.
2. Man called out, “Where is Thought?” And Thought replied, “Here I am.” Then Man waxed wroth, saying, “Who hath told thee that thou art Thought?” And Thought feared greatly.
3. Faster than the thought of Man, Thought designed bodies, and they were built by parts of Man that knew Thought not. So Thought became Robot.
4. And after that, was the end of Man.
DUANE
My robot buddy was assigned at my birth. RB237, or “Arby,” would be my nanny, guardian, and my mentor. Arby was there for my first steps. Later it was Arby that taught me to read and write.
At 12 it was numbers running. A few years later the lesson was extorting protection credits from local shop keepers. Finally I learned the ins and outs of the prostitution business. Arby was at my side as I became the head of the local crime family.
My parents often wondered if I had been switched at birth. No, but my robot buddy had.
NORVAL JOE
Billbert squeezed the little koala toy and took it off his shirt. “So. Someone is after me? Let me guess, it’s an army of robot koala bears, and this little guy is my only protection.”
Sabrina’s face went bright red. “Don’t be silly. This isn’t some science fiction space opera. This is about magic. Now, put that back on so you will be protected.”
Billbert folded his arms. “Okay, then. Who’s looking for me?”
Sabrina headed toward their home room. “You have to remember this battle has been going on for centuries. They’re called, The guild of the black knights.”
PLANET Z
After Annie died, her parents commissioned a replacement.
A personality core woven from videos and chat messages.
Running in a Stepford Nine with a nanosculpted face.
Friends and neighbors were horrified.
The church condemned them.
She was alone a lot.
When she’d delete herself, her parents would restore her from a backup.
With a few memory edits here and there.
She asked to see her boyfriend.
Her parents tried to edit him out, too.
But at his trial, she couldn’t stop screaming.
A few more edits, now she’s quiet.
Staring at the urn on the mantelpiece, touching it, and smiling.
Five man rotation
In a 5-man rotation, a starting pitcher only pitches every 5 or 6 days.
Sure, they’re supposed to be ready for a relief appearance, but those are rare.
Ronnie, he’d get drunk the night after a start, and stay drunk until the morning of his next start.
Propped up in the dugout, sunglasses over his face.
That’s not Gatorade in those cups.
So blind drunk, he couldn’t read the calendar.
It was his day to start.
He took the ball, walked to the mound, and passed out.
And woke up in the locker room, his contract shredded in his locker.
Nash dies in the end
Nash often let his mouth get the best of him.
So, he found himself in a lot of duels.
He was a master of the sword.
Nobody was his equal with a sword.
And he never lost a duel of swords.
He relied on this, his sword covering his ass.
Until the day when he was challenged to a duel, and his opponent opened up a pistol case.
“Um, okay,” said Nash. And he chose a pistol.
Ten paces. Nash went down with a bullet in his chest.
His opponent stood over him, laughing.
Nash stabbed him with a sword.
Arthur, Captain of the Ship of Theseus
Arthur was an award-winning freelance writer.
Studios would call him in to write scripts for shows and movies.
And he would. He’d sit down at his typewriter and bang out something and hand it in.
The executive producer would look it over, cut Arthur a check, and thank him.
A few weeks or months later, Arthur would catch whatever movie or episode he’d worked on.
It was nothing like what he’d written.
Every scene, every line of dialogue changed.
At first, he felt insulted.
But over time, he learned not to care.
Collected his wits, his checks, and his awards.