The Even Wackier Adventures of Abraham Lincoln 2

The stagecoach driver was insisting so vehemently to Mr. Sparks that he was due for a raise; that neither noticed anything wrong until a shot rang out and he saw two highwaymen appear out of the brush with rifles drawn.
The tall one said, “These capitalists generally act harmoniously and in concert to fleece the people, and now that they have got into a quarrel with themselves, we are called upon to appropriate the people’s money to settle the quarrel.” And began pocketing valuables.
That speech was all they needed to convict the flowery future president, who ceased banditry thereafter.