Welcome to the seventy-two’st Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was selected by Yxes Delacroix, and it was: The New Black.
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
SOMETHING NEW
Due to popular demand, I am going to include stories that were sent to me, but without a recording. However, since the midget has left for sunny Coral Gables, Florida, those stories will just be posted in the show notes. You’re more than welcome to vote for them, but they will be ineligible for prizes or topic selection.
I feel that this is a fair balance between the podcast and blog natures of this content.
Feel free to share your thoughts on this decision in the comments, and we might possibly come up with an even better and more fair policy for handling these kinds of situations.
VOTING
Go ahead and listen to them by clicking on the grammophone thingy there in the left column and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):
WE GOTS PRIZES:
I will be sending the winner a prize… it’s refrigerator magnets for the podcast. Massive amounts of fridge magnets were mailed out in the past week… watch your mail, and let me know if I’ve missed you.
It is your voting that determines who wins. So listen, vote, and tune in next week to find out who won!
CALEB
The new black hairdos: the height of fashion
The new black cufflinks: onyx reborn as art
The new black tuxedo: rebelliously traditional
The new black patent leather shoes: reflecting dreams as well as light
The new black dress: enhancing beauty by obscuring it
The new black heels: ecstasy for dancing
The new black limo: engineered luxury
The new black chauffeur: trained Haitian bodyguard
The new blacktop driveway: smoother than driving on silk
The new black marble staircase: that brings you perfectly up to
The new Black Tie Martini Club: coming soon to Nowhereville.
This fall the new black is… Black
GUY
– Pirates doing pirouettes are the new black ol’ mighty grasshopper. We waltz around our captured ships to the music of Strauss, skillfully dancing with our swords drawn, cutting up brave man and taking out beautiful women for a spin. Oh – the smell of the sea and the sound of a good crescendo. Who could ask for more. Our brave man give out their best grande battement en cloche and bow. Purely exquisite.
– You know, that black tutu really looks good on you…
– Oh, shut up you… you… parrot before I cut you in half.
– It’s tough being a pirates’ parrot.
TOM
You might think the Prince of Darkness was a bit old fashion all gothic and medievalish. Not true he has always been a renaissance man the embodiment of modernity to the ages he passes through. Of late he still has a thing for Armani and Jaguars. The old blacks he calls them. His current blacks are Kisho pavilions and Lotus Elise 111S roadsters. Baxster the prince’s right hand man is always on the lookout for the new blacks born from the well of souls. Baxster is working out a deal for Dick Cheney heart. Blackest known substance in the universe.
YXES
“Stand by for pressurized cabin clearance!”
The young officer waited by the exit hatch until he heard the Captain
shout “All Clear”.
He opened the outside hatch to a wild flurry of oddly colored dust.
Carefully he stepped onto the ground of this strange new world, and
was instantly enveloped in a huge dark green cloud!
Slowly walking around, he gathered samples and readings of the planet’s surface.
That’s when he noticed his silver space suit was now the same green
color as everything around him.
“Aw, the new black!” he mused. Laughing, he went about exploring this
strangely exotic world.
LAIEANNA
“Oh my Undescript Divine Being! They built an SSOS Spa in our town!”
“What does SSOS stand for?”
“Sludge, Slime, and other Secretions. No more herbal baths. This is the way to go.”
“Spewy! Who would soak in that?”
“You’re totally being a Dwabble, Steph’anie. All Earth Celebs are doing it, fifth clone Britney, second clone Nicole, eighth clone Paris. Even the new Elizabeth Taylor is in.”
“Alright Grassflower! What does it do?”
“Only make your skin look galatrific! Starry stare that person coming out now.”
“She’s all red with purple spots!”
“Of course! Irritated skin is the new look.”
JD WHITE
The New Black descended upon us and filled our soul with darkness.
Breath sucked in The New Black and then expelled it into the mouths of those nearby.
Those originally infected spread the darkness to loved ones and strangers.
Fathers to Mothers.
Mothers to Sons.
Brothers to Sisters.
Sisters to Lovers.
Darkness, the New Black, filled the lungs, transferred to the blood, then to the heart and brain.
The New Black is now contained within us all and has been for ten thousand years.
And the timeless, eternal, endless sadness is that we do not know how black we are.
ELISSON
Gerald O’Hara stood atop a hill overlooking his vast domain, arms akimbo. From here, he could see the white columns of the plantation house, a house that sat at the end of a long, tree-columned drive.
He smiled. This was his home, here in the red clay of Georgia. Tara.
As the sun set, he walked back, his stomach already rumbling in happy anticipation of Mammy’s cooking. Washing quickly, he joined his family in the dining room, where an unfamiliar house-servant was ladling soup from a tureen.
“Who’s this?” Gerald asked.
Scarlett responded, “Why Daddy, this is the New Black.”
CEE
Everybody made fun of Coca Cola for doing that Virtual Thirst campaign, but I think it was to make people forget about their whole New Coke disaster twenty years ago.
The best way to get people to forget about a disaster is to make a bigger one, right?
Remember when Sherwin Williams tried to make The New Black? They were going to reformulate the paint, change the color of black itself, set the standard for a new century kind of thing?
Then they gave it up, released Black Classic, blah blah.
You know, that paint tasted just like New Coke.
OTHER CRAP:
Carnal Knowledge is a book by one of my favorite daily podcasters, Charles Hodgson. I owe this podcast’s continues survival to his inspiration, since I often come up with my stories around the words he reviews and tales he spins about their odd origins.
If Garf isn’t too annoyed with my constantly screwing up the call to the show last week, well, I’ll be trying to drop by his High Tech Texan Show on Saturday to give a report on SL in business, that kind of thing.
There’s some kind of write-a-review podcast contest out there at Podcast Pickle going on.
Write reviews, win prizes. That sort of thing.
There’s also a way to write reviews for this podcast in iTunes and other directories.
Your Mostly Fearless Leader doesn’t command you to do so, but he is somewhat whinily cajoling and imploring you to do so.
Let a tiny slice of the world know how much you like or don’t like or could care less about this not-quite-so-bold endeavor.
Thank you.