Pissed

Ever gone into the woods to piss on a tree and the tree moves out of your way?
Yeah, you’ve got to be really drunk for that to happen, stumbling around and falling on your ass by the side of the road.
Except this time, I was stone cold sober.
Did I imagine that it had moved?
I walked over to the tree and…
It moved back to its original spot.
“Hello?” I said. “Is anybody there?”
Nobody answered.
I zipped back up and headed back to the car.
It was covered with tree sap.
Damn it!
Where’s my chainsaw?