Fat

There used to be only two certainties in life: death and taxes.
Sadly, despite the best efforts of a lot of people, neither of those have been resolved.
Now there’s a third certainty: Walter is fat.
He’s dieted.
He’s exercised.
He’s taken pills.
He’s even had surgery.
But no matter what he does, Walter is still fat.
Not that he minds being fat. He carries it well. And he’s in perfect health for someone his size.
So what if he has to buy two airplane tickets? Or take the freight elevator?
Walter is fat, and on that you can depend.